Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Friday 14 October 2011

There is a meal for homeless people at 7pm, I am going to go to it even though I don't feel sociable, I feel like I have infection in all my bones and joins and I feel so sad.
I woke up with bad memories of the church, the worst memories and the guilt that the church have forced onto me, then memories of my family and childhood start to invade as well, I do not deliberately remember anything, I try to forget, but I cannot always forget or be in control of forgetting.

I can try to explain some of the blessings I count every day, some of the other homeless people and some of the people who feed and look after the homeless people are some of my blessings, sometimes when I am given food and am with my homeless pals I think 'well if I hadn't been through what I have been through then I wouldn't have the privilage of this company and this experience and this food'. And there isn't an ounce of sarcasm or bitterness in that statement, it is 100% genuine.

On that happy note I will go to this meal, I feel very alone and sad and vulnerable tonight.

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