This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Friday, 31 July 2015

Friday lunchtime

Good lunchtime,

Well last night I watched my favourite 'Coast' for once in a long while, and then watched another sea-based programme, full of whales and gannets and fish.

Then I went to bed tired at 10pm and slept reasonably well, the newly washed linen was really quite comfortable and nice.
I woke this morning from vague dreams, I was quite comfy but I got up, did the cups of tea, checked everything online and then headed out to do the papers.

It was the heavy local papers day, so the round was heavy but I wandered through it without really noticing, and stopped to get my local paper on the way back down.
I nearly came off my bike and bruised and scratched my leg quite badly.

When I got home I didn't have much time to do things, just grabbed breakfast, read the local paper and had a quick shower before my friend collected me for work.

I worked hard this morning, laying bark chippings on a garden that I have worked hard to clear, and the weather is very warm today, so as I am recovering from a relapse (the extreme tiredness I keep grumbling to you about), I only worked the morning, and cheerfully messaged everyone to tell them I was barking! :)
The relapses are so rare that I forget that is what they are.

I am really pleased with the barking and how that garden is turning out, it is nearly under control and will be easy to look after next year.

I am home for lunch, although I just seem to be drinking tea, I am waiting for the post man who seems to be late, as I will have to sign for stuff.
Then I have to drop my self-employed accounts at the council office and post a letter to America.

Then I guess it is the weekend, I am actually having the weekend off due to no contract work this weekend and my disabled client doesn't need help this weekend. So seeing as the house is spotless - even the dishwasher is washed! I will actually have a weekend off, beach time, movies and BBQs?
I have a haircut booked for tomorrow afternoon, and I think I am supposed to be going to an open air play on Sunday? If it clashes with 'Humans' then count me out, call me an ignorant boor if you will, but a trashy sci-fi drama series wins over a sophisticated Shakespeare open air play! :) Well it is the last in this series of 'Humans'.

And of course Sunday also brings car boot sales and our next effort to get the car running again.

The weather is glorious and I am very happy to actually have a weekend off for once!

I have been chatting with other new students online, modern technology means I can simply meet fellow students without even meeting them! :)

Thursday, 30 July 2015

Thursday evening

Good evening,

Well all my contract work for the weekend was cancelled, but it is so fickle that I don't rely on it.

So I decided not to go and do a garden clearance today, to do it tomorrow instead.

So today I stayed here and cleaned everything in sight and also did a few hours of gardening here, then had a swim in the sea and then did a BBQ and salad.

I did all the washing including my bed linen, I still have to put the linens back on the bed but the cat has parked himself firmly on the duvet and I don't fancy multiple lacerations. The cat can be very rude and I think I should rename him 'swipe'. But sometimes he is very polite also.

I have done my university prep, and basically the day has drifted by quite quickly.

Thursday morning

Good morning peeps,

I had a slightly troubled night but woke OK this morning, I was dreaming about old friends who Jane Fisher alienated me from.

I did the papers, the morning air was cold for the first time, people never believe me but I say August is the slide downhill to Autumn.
The sea was calm on a full but slowly ebbing tide.

I got home and immediately started housework although I feel very tired, I did the kitchen surfaces and hobs, and I put my clothes and towels on to wash.
The clothes and towels are now out on the line in the pleasant sunshine, and I am going to put the bed linens on now.

I think due to tiredness I will try not to work this morning but will do some work this afternoon, and then I will only have one garden and the contract work for the next few days.

I have also twisted my good knee somehow, so I need to take things easy.

Wednesday, 29 July 2015

Wednesday evening

Good evening,

Well I am tired.

Last night I went to bed early and slept.
But I woke at 4am, my shoulder was troubling me so I took codeine, which was probably a mistake.
I nearly overslept when I fell asleep again.

I struggled out of bed at 6.45 and did my round as usual.

Then I went for therapy, and that went OK.
Then I went to work and worked hard, the weather was warm and breezy.

I came home via the pound shop and got household stuff.

I am just watching my programmes and cooking meat and potatos for supper.
I am too tired to do anything tonight so I will have an early night. Maybe watch some DVDs before I fall asleep because sleeping too early will make me wake during the night which doesn't help.

Tuesday, 28 July 2015

Tuesday evening

Good evening peeps,

Well, I am so tired. I am so tired these days that I want to stay in bed in the morning and I want to go to sleep right now, I think I will go to bed soon but it means I will wake in the night.

Anyway, I had two gardens to do today so I did those, easy work, lawn mowing and edges. But I felt so tired, so so tired.
The other problem is that physio is hurting my shoulder, which worries me, I will have to stop that part and ask a doctor.
That shoulder hates treatment but I am as worried as ever about leaving it to continue to cause problems.

Anyway, I got home from work and did a steak and kidney pie for tea, and a nice cuppa, and I had just started those when someone arrived to look at the car again.

I left my pie and cuppa and hoped the cat wouldn't eat them. My old cats would have done.

We looked at the car, it turned out that the problem wasn't the spark plugs, in fact we narrowed it down to ignition coil and amplifier, we managed to flatten the battery while we did that!

The verdict is, he is going to order a new amplifier and coil but he is away until the weekend and he will come and fit them then.
So that norty car of mine will just have to sit there until then.

I was relieved that at least he really knew the car engine and narrowed it down and I won't have to pay to have the car towed or pay the labour costs that the garage charges.
Cars are expensive and sometimes troublesome! I knew that.

Anyway, I came back in to watch Hollyoaks and have my supper, the cat was curled up peaceful and purring a few feet from my untouched supper. He looked at me hopefully and didn't move, so I made a fuss of him and gave him some meat from the pie and a saucer of milk, he purred even more, he is a happy cat, although recently he seems to be day dreaming more.

I am having Guernsey type premonition and Hollyoaks has been triggering minor flashbacks.

Tomorrow I have therapy and then work.

I think I have no choice but to go to bed now, I am too tired, it is only ten past eight.

I have a nice letter to read and reply to, I will do that tomorrow.

I managed to find Pingu and the doorbell at last:

Tuesday morning

Good morning,

Well I slept well, with the main window slightly open to allow the breeze, the wind had died down so it was nice.
When I have the window open and it is breezy, I dream about life on the streets :)

Anyway, I woke from vague dreams and went delivering papers, it is still breezy but bright with it.

I have been plodding through university stuff this morning and also doing physiotherapy, I am supposed to do a massive physio routine three times a day, no way! Where would I get the time and energy? Once a day is almost too much!

I have been doing paperwork as well, and now all I have to do is my music and I will be all caught up on my tasks.

I have two gardens to do this afternoon, just a quick mow mainly, and then we are going to try again with the car this evening.

I must remember to do the bins later.

Right, music, bike along the seafront, quick shop, dinner, and back to work.

Monday, 27 July 2015

Monday evening

Good evening,

Well with my contract work for today cancelled and the weather too wild for work, I got my accounts made up for the council and HMRC, and did extensive physio and some studying.
I don't know how time went past so quickly, but I am out of energy now.

We tried to jump start the car this evening but it isn't the battery and so it is spark plugs tomorrow.

I am just boiling eggs for supper but I am not very hungry.

Tomorrow I have a gap which used to be physio time, but I have two gardens in the afternoon.

Our new housemate has wandered off for a few weeks, I think.

The cat has been in a very cheerful mood today, but all I can see now is the occasional paw or ear as he washes himself behind the door, funny cat.

The waves were huge on the sea today :)
I have biked round town and along the bay a few times. Town is very crowded with tourists, worse than usual tonight, I decided not to go into the supermarkets as they are so busy.

I saw a sign in town saying 'Part time drivers wanted' and I just thought 'I will ask my part time car!'
Haha, no, I can't work there as they have had some incidents and I am not sure it is safe to work for them. And I am not sure the old car will be up to any work anyway, it can wait till I buy the sexy car that tried to give my car the kiss of life this evening - a red version of my beloved old car that perished in Jersey. I have said I want that car when it has had an overhaul.

Hollyoaks was dramatic as usual but I had to mute some of it to prevent flashbacks.
And I have to note that I have to do that still because it means I still have PTSD with active triggers and whatever and blad-dee-blah.

I should do some music and eat my supper but I would like to be asleep really.

Monday morning

Good morning,

Well I slept but was dreaming sad dreams.

I woke up wondering if I should go back to bed when I got home from doing the papers, I am still wondering that, just to ease the tiredness.

It is a bright day but with strong winds, I have two gardens I can do including here but they are flexible to do later in the week.

I went out delivering papers, the sea is rough and the tide is in, the wind is strong but has backed to come over the hills so it wasn't bothering me too much, it is due galeforce today and my other gardening customer doesn't like me being out working in that kind of weather, plus I don't think I could bike out there.

Anyway, I had to go back to the shop halfway through my round as there was a mistake in the papers, so despite being there promptly, I didn't get home early.

Did you see 'Humans' last night? Very dramatic, next week is the last in the series, what will happen? And how will I get used to not watching it when it finishes?
I think the highlight was Sophie teaching Niska to play, anyway :) She really got the hang of it in the end.

I am tired. But I am waking up now, maybe not back to bed.
I have had my usual wholemeal toast, and a banana. Why is banana spelled like that?

The sun is shining and the cat is sitting at the patio windows purring vaguely to himself about nothing. He is a happy cat today.

I had a suddent realization as I did my paper round this morning, I have started to get better from post traumatic stress since I quit church, I always knew church caused trauma but I went because I thought I should. But church has been the source of terrible abuse and damage to me for so long that it is simply a place that harms me, even if the church of england who did the damage are no longer part of my life, apart from their occasional intrusions and attacks.
No wonder I have got so much better!

Sunday, 26 July 2015

Sunday evening

Good evening,

Well it has been a quiet day, apart from the weather.
The weather has raged, and I have just been studying after cleaning the house, and getting some music done and also replying to the pile of pen letters that arrived on the mat yesterday.

My room is tidy, most of my work is done. And Humans is on in a few minutes.

This evening the rain died out so I biked down to the sea, the waves were massive, and my housemate was down there getting pictures. It was too windy to bike far.

I managed to do all my physio today, I must pay attention and do physio every day, even if the ice bottle made me feel ill today.

aww, just watching humans, very sad, 'You have died George' he said.

10th Interview with HG

Interview from Jersey (anyone is welcome to send me interview questions):

1. Do you every go to rock pools and try and see the sea creatures?

I used to, we don't have rock pools on the bay but nearby bays do, I used to do low water fishing in Jersey and we used to find all sorts of sea creatures.

2. What sea creatures have you seen in rock pools or the sea? Did you keep any for a while in a bucket or jar? 
Yes I have kept sea creatures in a jars and buckets, blenny, razor fish, star fish, all sorts of stuff.

3. Have you visited an aquarium? What fish did you see there?
Yes I have visited various aquariums and seen rays, seahorses, starfish -which we were allowed to handle, all sorts of things, sharks, pretty fish all sorts. I was even offered a job at seaworld but the pay was bad.

4. What's the oddest fish you have ever seen?
The barrel Jellyfish we have had washed up here.

5. Have you seen jellyfish? Where?
Yes, here and at grev d' lecq, I remember everyone exiting the water at Grev when the jellyfish sailed into town! :) we have had barrel jellyfish here the last few summers.

6. What kinds of boats do you like to sail in?
All sorts! I love sailing, I have just been offered a sail for Cowes Week, the biggest international sailing convention, but I am going to turn it down as my rehabilitation is still in progress and I am not ready to sail this year, certainly not dinghys anyway, although I have been on the boats a bit, mainly doing work but not sailing.

7. Do you get seasick?
Not really, I got seasick one time on a yacht between Jersey and France but I think I was ill anyway, I used to see everyone getting sick on ferries between England and the Channel Island in rough weather but I was never sick.

8. Do you swim underwater?
I can but due to my health at the moment I don't tend to.

9. What is the longest you have ever swum?
Good question, due to asthma I don't swim for long ever, I do about 20-30 lengths in the pool but my sea swims are not long or I get too tired and can get ill.  I love swimming.

10. Do you like low tide or high tide best?
I like high tide as it is easier for a swim and wave jumping and keeping an eye on my bike and clothes, , but my friends prefer low tide for some reason. I like the tide right up to the wall, but the others like to walk down the hard sand to swim.

11. Have you walked to Elizabeth Castle?
Yes, many times, I had fun with the interactive history out there and I used to threaten to go and live in the hermatige often too. Who was the guy who used to live out there as caretaker and get drunk and have mishaps with his rowing boat? Haha, didn't he have to be rescued at some point? :) I think they rescued many packs of beer off his boat but couldn't find him for a while? :) He was quite popular. And no, it wasn't St. Helier Himself! 

12. Have you walked or swam around or to Green Island?
Oh yes, we used to picnic there at the weekend, I loved Green Island because the beach on the other side was like an empty paradise beach, oh those were the days, it was such fun.  Yes I swum off there many times and the rocks and waters round there were very interesting. I remember it getting hard to park at green island for some reason though.
You are making me long for those old days of green island and low water fishing and picnics! :) For some reason I don't do all that stuff any more  but I am still going through rehabilitation and it takes so much of my time!

Thank you for interviewing me.

Sunday morning

Good morning,

Hey, I am not so tired, maybe I am right about it being the heat that does it, as it is pouring with rain again.

I had massive terrible flashbacks during the night, but I slept as well and argued moodily with the alarm alarm clock when it went off, I was worried about oversleeping though even though Sunday is a later start, so I cuddled the alarm clock.

I got up, made tea and then headed for the shop, I have yet another new paper on my round, more work for me but it is a sign of success that my round is gathering new customers, I got my wages today as well, more money for the car repair kitty.

The rain started as I got home. The Sunday round is relatively quick and easy.

I got in and housemate one had gone to work and housemate two was/is presumably still asleep, so the cat borrowed my bed, and made a great fuss about it, and I took advantage of the absence of housemates to give the house a thorough clean before putting myself in the shower for a thorough clean.

So now I am watching Hollyoaks omnibus.
I need to go to the store for meat and potatoes for lunch later and I am awaiting a call from friends who are looking for jump leads, we may be able to jump start the little horror and then I can drive it to a garage, but if not, another friend with AA membership is going to see if he can get here and use his membership to get something done.

It is raining torrentially with a strong wind, no car boot sales for me today! Or anyone for that matter.
I have plenty of studying to do, and I am pleased to have got my student loan and be enrolled on my modules now.
My fellow students start studying in October, I started prepping a month ago due to my learning difficulties. It is hard to look forward with the devil of Winchester on my back but I am looking forward to October.

I need to do my business accounts for the council to say 'hmm' about.

Saturday, 25 July 2015

Saturday evening

Good evening,

Well the carnival is over, it has disbanded into boozing down the front.

I am so tired I can hardly write this. Maybe more tea would help.

This morning the mechanic checked my bike and tightened some things, it is still not perfect but he says it won't break.

Then I went to work.
I was so tired I thought of turning back a few times, and I shortened my work shift, but it was OK, I got enough done.

The routes home were already getting busy by the time I headed home.

I remember being this tired on carnival day last year, it must be the heat. I needed a walking stick then, and I could have done with one today.

Anyway, I got home with plenty of time. So I showered and put on clean clothes and went to the shop for a few things.

Then I went down to see what the carnival preparations were doing, but there wasn't much to see. So I came home, put a BBQ on, put my work clothes on a quick wash and did the dishwasher.

By the time carnival time was nearly here, my clothes were drying on the line and I had had some tasty BBQ.

Then I walked down with the crowds. Our road was closed, how funny to live in the middle of the road closures.
I walked down to see the floats as they waited and were judged.
I love to see them and share the happiness of the prizewinners.
The sea was playing up to the occasion as well, with a full tide and crisp clean big waves, and it was so warm that people were swimming.

Then I did the same as last year, walked up the main road ahead of the parade and waited for it in a place where there was plenty of space.
Everyone was talking and whistling and waving things, and then they cheered as the flashing lights marked the start of the parade.

I stood there and watched the parade as it went up the main road, then I cut back into my road to see it all again, it is easier on the back roads because you can get to the collection buckets and shout to each float that they are the best.

By the end of the parade through the back streets, I was close to home.

Wow I am tired.

Saturday morning

Good morning on this lovely sunny day,

Yesterday we were battered by torrential rain.
Today the sun has his hat on for the children's festival, the children's carnival yesterday was spoiled by rain but they will join the main parade today, which is confusing because the floats usually have children on them anyway.

Well I slept last night but had vivid dreams and woke reluctantly and feeling tired.

I stumbled out to do the papers at about 6.50, and of course it was the concrete slab weekend papers, so that didn't help.

The sea was very calm and the sun was out, it is changeover day for the grockles down on the front, so I was dodging coaches and crowds of elderly people admiring the sea.

Anyway, I got back a bit late and my neighbour didn't comment on me being late, I knock on his door and hand him the Saturday papers because he prefers that, he is the last customer on my round.

My contract work is now postponed to Monday, so I just have one garden about 8 miles away to do, but I have to wait for someone to come round and check my bike over first, the person I garden for is disabled and usually alone at the weekend, so he likes me to do Saturdays so he can have a shower and feel safe that if he falls, I am there to call an ambulance. He also likes the company, he gets isolated sometimes.

But I want to get back and get sorted before the carnival, and not get caught up in crowds coming to see the carnival, I am OK being among the crowds on the streets but not so good with crowded public transport.

The bike needs checking as it recently had the gears replaced and has developed a rattle, the mechanic is in our locality today, presumably because his son is going to the kids festival, so he is going to drop round and check the bike, which is kind of him, he knows about what the bike means to me.

I am so miffed I have not got a decent camera for the carnival. Last year I had a camera and was getting photos and people on floats obligingly posed and waved for me.
I guess it is nice just to watch this year.

I am just debating, peanut butter on toast or healthy bacon and eggs, hmmm.
I think I will wind the cat up with that egg toy.
The cat was being strange this morning, he was awake but it was like there was no-one home when I made a fuss of him, he didn't seem to know I was there.
He's OK now, he is back in hungry and attention seeking mode.

Friday, 24 July 2015

Friday evening

Good evening,

Well it has been a very rainy day.

This morning I felt too tired for work but I ended up doing a five and a quarter hour shift without a break, then I biked home through the rain.
The rain has been torrential.

Once I got home, I got on with university prep, and the university contacted me to say Student finance have processed my loan.

It has continued to pour with rain so I have continued to study, rain means no beach, no cycling, no gardening, no distraction.

I watched my programmes, I won't say anything about Hollyoaks preview, because I may have readers who don't watch it or who want to wait until Monday, but wow! Dramatic! And seeing as I am in a flashback episode about the police anyway, it was a bit of a trigger but I am kind of OK.

I was expecting a very hard day tomorrow, heavy papers first thing, then contract shift then a garden eight miles away, but my contract shift has been postponed until Monday, which makes life easier and I still get paid next week for today and Monday's shifts.

So Saturday is bearable and hopefully the weather will be better for the carnival.
I have cancelled my evening out tonight.
So tired and the rain is so heavy.

I am just trying to juggle money figures, rent, therapy fees, car stuff, bike stuff - the bike is being looked at tomorrow, etc.
No progress with the car yet.

I am tired and achy. I really struggle to relax, waiting for the Church of England to attack me publicly again or have me beaten and imprisoned again makes life very hard.

At least the cat is installed purringly in my room, he doesn't like rain. I found a toy at work, a clockwork green egg with legs and a silly smile, you wind it up and it shuffles along, the cat is fascinated and forgets all about washing to watch this egg and then slap it and send it flying.

Friday morning

Good morning,

It is raining and I am tired and I was having horrific nightmares about Jersey and the diocese and police and I am really shaken.
I have the heavy papers to do and then work.

Thursday, 23 July 2015

Thursday evening

Good evening,

Feeling tired and overwhelmed.
Sometimes the rebuild of my life is far too big and out of control for me.

Today I seem to have got so little done and still I am shattered, I have been very tired recently, more tired than usual.
Trying to juggle too much, metaphorically speaking.
I am sure if you read regularly you will have some understanding of that.

Well anyway, the car still isn't fixed and the bike is playing up, and I had to debug the computer, etc etc, so that and the exploding hoover and cat litter. What a week.

I have been out on the bike, picked up a prescription for a new inhaler spacer and posted a letter to Germany, been doing university prep and looking at book keeping for my work, and trying to get the computer debugged when it was hacked earlier.

I seem to have got very little done and ended up very tired, well actually I was very tired to start with.

Tomorrow I have the heavy papers and contract work, so I am going to bed soon.
The cat is already in bed, or on bed, and he is going to be his usual nuisance self when i go to bed.

Goodnight peeps.

I nearly forgot to say, I have had a spate of bad flashbacks this afternoon :( horrors of Jane Fisher and her police.

Thursday morning

Good morning,

Well I slept well last night, dreamed vaguely about my Dad and family, unsurprising as I talked about them in therapy yesterday.
I woke reluctantly and fell out of bed and into clothes and a cup of tea, then I went and did my papers.
If you are ever looking for strange people, they inhabit the streets of our town in the early morning. This morning a man walking along looking at the sky, and a man walking along looking at his phone both nearly bumped into me as I threw newspapers hopefully in the direction of their recipient houses.

The sea was calm on a full tide and the sun was out, it was very peaceful and serene.
I was due to do that course today but due to the car being out of action I am at home, so I am just doing university prep at the moment.
I will be doing paperwork and looking at various books and things today and maybe doing some gardening here, I hope to either get a jump start or a mobile mechanic today or tomorrow.
Tomorrow I have contract work in the morning then either a free afternoon or a garden, then I am going for a meal in the evening.
Then Saturday I have a full day's work and then we have the carnival.
Carnival = Battle of flowers, same thing. Only these days I watch instead of help, I wish I had the energy of my youth, but even back then, marshalling for Battle was hard because some people were determined to get in without tickets and some were quite unpleasant.

Anyway, as some of you know, I am an occasional fan of Tony the Prof's Jersey current affairs blogs, and I like this one today. UK, USA and Europe people may need some translating done for them but Jersey people will get it and it is universally funny:

Wednesday, 22 July 2015

Wednesday evening

Good evening,

Well, it has been a bit of a day.

This morning I was pleased to get my round done quickly, and had plenty of time to prepare for my day.

It is a good thing then that I also allowed a lot of time to get to the therapy assessment.
The car wouldn't start.


It started OK yesterday, but previous to me buying it it has been sitting on a driveway for some time.
I have been through everything and it is possible it just needs a battery charge, so a message has gone round 'Any jump leads anyone?' so far none, but we know a good but busy mobile mechanic so it is just about waiting.

However, this morning I ended up in a flat panic, grabbing the blue bike and zooming off to get to the therapy assessment, what a state to end up in for an assessment!
Haha, the therapy assessment went fine and I will now be attending therapy every Wednesday.

Then I had to bike to work, fortunately only a few miles from therapy.

It was a warm day but the shed would wait no longer, it was a shed clearing day.
And you know what I told you about the hoover vomiting on me yesterday?
Today a bag of cat litter exploded on me instead.

I go to work each day in a crisp, clean, dark coloured polo shirt, and I come home in a less crisp clean white coloured polo shirt.

Anyway, so I biked home tired and rather white (no, actually it mostly came out).
Then I relaxed with my programmes and did little else as I was so tired.

Tried to start the car again, and went to get some oil for it, our only local petrol station was almost completely out of oil, what it had left was certainly not the type for my car!
That petrol station reminds me of the one at Millbrook in Jersey, so similar, but even worse.
So I gave up and came off the inner road and onto the bay and biked along in the evening sunshine.

It is nearly bed time and I have postponed tomorrow's course until next month, because I originally cancelled my paper round for tomorrow due to the course, then got the car and said I would be able to do the round before going on the course, and now the car is broken. I think I should do my round, not mess the bosses about, and I should take the course next month when my confidence in driving into town is better and I have a working car! Very Annoying though.

So tomorrow can be spent on doing the garden here, paperwork, and other household tasks.

Wednesday morning

Good morning,

Well I slept well and woke bright and early with very little sleepiness, so the papers went out swiftly and I was home by 7.15.

It is warm and cloudy with a breeze, and the tide is in with a low wave breaking on the shore.
It is due to be sunny later.

My day today is driving to be assessed for therapy, and the driving from there to work.

Tomorrow I have to drive into town for a course, I am not greatly looking forward to it but seeing as it is being provided for me and may help me, I may as well do it.
But it means I may not update as usual tomorrow.

Tuesday, 21 July 2015

Tuesday evening

Good evening,

Well the blog stats have gone mad, I hope it isn't because the diocese of winchester think me having a car means I will crash their party, silly old diocese, I could go and sit on their doorstep and grumble any time, car or not,but it makes them worse, I think I will stay in my playground and dream peacefully and chew them crossly when they play silly press release games.
Just to clarify, the car makes no difference at the moment apart from currently being a massive stress for me for the moment until I get used to it, and it will not mean I stray from home, because I have no desire to travel at all.

Anything that comes back into my life that I lost through the Diocese of Winchester causes me major stress, as you may remember even the keyboard and music in January left me under stress and having flashbacks, the car is the same but bigger.
But I will not be driving and having flashbacks, my PTSD has lessened greatly, which is why I felt able to get a car, the flashbacks are more like memories of how it was before with a car, and basically I need to remember driving before.

Anyway, this morning I crawled sleepily round my paper round -on the bike of course.
Then I sleepily scrambled myself through shower and a hint of breakfast.
Then I got in the car, sat there looking at the controls.
And eventually, after stalling, haha, I drove off the driveway, I drove without any trouble, through the residential areas and onto the main road.
The main road was quiet and everyone gave me space, and in a very short time I was at work.

Work today was my hard shift, caretaking the big house while no-one is there, it is a lot of hard work, made worse by the damn rude hoover.
The hoover at that house is extremely impolite and I told it so in no uncertain terms, the house is under renovation and when I put the hoover on, it refused to suck anything up and when I tried to repair it, it spat plaster and plaster dust all over me! It really did! If anyone had been there with a camcorder,  then they could have won £250 on you've been framed! Me trying to unblock the hoover and suddenly disappearing in a cloud of plaster dust!
And believe it or not, the hoover still wasn't working and so I tried again, and guess what happened!

Err, third time lucky with my operations on the hoover. It wasted half an hour of a very tight schedule of work and I am going to have to explain that to the people I work for.

That work is very hard, it is a huge house and I have to do a lot during my time there, so I was tired and running late when I finished, but it was my own job today, so I drove carefully home, and then it was into beach clothes, onto the bike and down to the sea for a refreshing dip, the tide was in but the waves were messy, messy waves get you, you can't jump them all and they come at angles and choke you.

Home again and clothes in the wash, sweeping the floors as well, and then watching my programmes,
Hollyoaks has been thoroughly watched and the bins are out, the cat is curled up on my bed, and we have a house guest for a while, which always throws my routine but it is OK.

Can anyone remember what else I need to do? Was it studying, paperwork or sleeping?

Tuesday morning

Good morning,

Well I fell into bed late and tired last night.
I didn't take 5HTP but I did take anti-histamine and also some codeine because the migraine came back slightly, I also used the ice bottle again.
I slept through and woke sleepy but not groggy this morning and went out delivering papers in the peaceful sunlit streets, the sea was throwing low waves along the shore.

I am just having my usual time to regroup and sort myself out before I go to work, the only difference is that I have to drive to work today, alone.
The first bit of the first drive is residential areas but then I go onto the fast road, I hope the other drivers see the P-plates and are patient with me.

I had P-plates on my first car when I passed my test and I drove to work in West Sussex and the boss said 'It look's like someone P'd on your car!'
I was less nervous then because I was so used to driving that car, I used to drive it round and round with my landlord dozing in the passenger seat or telling me great tales of his days in the navy etc. Some quite rude stories at times, haha, bless him, I don't know where he is buried but one day I will go pay my respects, he was a nice honest man who I lodged with for years when I was in my earl y 20s and escaped the awful sheltered house to move closer to my work.

It is a warm sunny morning and I will be working hard, the family I am working for today are away so they have given me extra jobs to do while they are out of the way. I will have to remember to take milk or all-in-one coffee as there will be no milk in the fridge there for my tea.
I have to be careful with all in one coffee as it has some sort of dried milk in it, although I don't seem to have too much reaction to it in that context.

If the sun is still out and the sea is good, I will swim later, that will be nice.

Tomorrow I have my therapy assessment in the morning and then work in the afternoon.
Then the next day I am on a course, and that is when my driving will be challenged, driving into town and parking!

Monday, 20 July 2015

9th Interview with HG

Good evening, this interview has arrived in response to my new car arriving: 


1. When did you learn to ride a bicycle? What make if you remember?I was 7 years  old when I learned to ride a bike, my brothers and sisters even those younger than me, had already learned but I struggled to learn, an early sign of my learning and motor problems that went unnoticed.

The bike was a yellow 'Boxer Bike' which I loved but my mum threw it away in a fit of madness, such as were not uncommon.

2. When did you learn to drive a car?

This is a tricky one, I struggled for years to learn to drive, from age 17, but I was terrified of the instructors, who were still almost all male even then, but I learned to drive after having a motor bike for two years and gaining confidence on the roads before buying my landlord's old car from him and he taught me to drive it as I had no fear of him. I passed my test in 2004 in that car and was confident driving it straight away.

3. Where was it that you learnt to drive?

I can't print that on here.

4. Did you have a lot of lessons?

yes, as explained above.

5. What was your first car?

A Peuguot 205, it was a great car and I loved it, the fuel pump went after a year and it wasn't cost effective to repair it.

6. What is your favourite car?

Peugeot 106 or 206, no other cars need apply. I do not need a big car or a flash car, just a car that is reliable and drives well and I prefer small cars, after all, I don't need a big car.

7. Would you like a Herbie car (Walt Disney Volkswagen)?

Well, I have a bike with a life and character of it's own,  I think a car like that would be terrifying, no, actually I don't think I would want a Herbie car, although I enjoy the films.

8. What's the biggest car you have ever driven?

To be honest, I don't recall ever driving a big car.  I have driven tractors that are huge but my cars have always been small, I drove a Peuguot 306 once, what a heavy lump of a car! 

9. What's your favourite speed (if a straight road) - 30 mph, 40 mph, 50 mph (if allowed) or higher?

In the past I loved fast driving, and motorways, but I have grown up now, and as you (the interviewer) are probably aware, I live in a country area where there is not a lot of fast driving and I am very content with 30 or 40 now I am back on the road.

10. Do you give your cars a name (like Herbie!)

Yes, I cannot recall the first car's name, or the second one, the third one was my beloved Anna, who perished in Jersey, then there was Warrior, who perished because the Diocese of Winchester hounded me from my home in the summer of 2010, leading to the money saved for the car repair to be spent on fleeing, and that isn't in the Korris report! My new car does have a name, carried over from the previous owners who have just sold it to me, but due to identity and location, the  name cannot be published here.

Thank you for interviewing me.

Monday evening

Good evening,

Well I was concerned both by a migraine and by the weather earlier, I didn't go to work, after doing various study and paperwork, I crept into bed with an ice bottle for my neck and shoulder.
The cat heartily agreed with this decision and purred noisily about it as he curled up next to me.

I slept for several hours, dreamed a lot and couldn't wake when the phone rang.

When I woke, the phone had just stopped ringing again and it was nearly 5pm.

It was my friend ringing, to ask if I felt well enough to collect the car.
And to be honest, I did.

I had slept with the ice bottle on my shoulder, and there was a little frozen patch in my shoulder but almost no pain.

My friend and two of her family came to get me in their car, and we drove to collect my car, the car was about 8 miles away, and it was raining, which made me nervous.
Going to collect your first car after 5 years and so long in the darkness is worse than dentist and interview together.

We got there and sorted out the remaining paperwork and paid the balance and I put P-plates on the car, then I had to sit in, get used to the controls before rolling the car slowly down the drive onto the close.
I got in a muddle with the windscreen wipers and clearing the windows of mist at first but then I was OK.
My friend sat in the car with me and her two family members drove her car behind us and so I drove the car home.

Despite the rain, we had an uneventful journey, I am not used to the car, obviously so occasionally using too much gas to pull away but we drove safely and peacefully home, and I reversed the car into the driveway.

The car is sitting in the driveway and I am struggling to concentrate on Hollyoaks, we got back just after it started, so I tried to watch it, tried to watch the preview and am trying to watch today's repeat.
But my mind wanders busily off, and I keep putting Ed Sheeran's 'Thinking out Loud' on Youtube and making tea.

The sea is roaring in the soft rain, and seeing as I can't focus, I will walk down to the sea later.

Monday morning

Good morning,

I watched 'Humans' last night and then went to sleep.

I had a nightmare that I was in a hostel with my family, and someone had been murdered, for some reason my dad and brothers were moving the body and it made them sick.
In real life my dad used to be sick a lot because he couldn't cope.
But anyway, in this dream the ghost of the dead man kept coming back, and it was very angry and hostile, and I prayed it away in the end.

That was not a nice dream, but I will see if I can stop taking 5HTP now as that triggers dreams.
I am going to take my antihistamines at night because I will be driving again and antihistamines can cause drowsiness.

I woke up to a grey and drizzly day and delivered the papers in the light rain.
I have the beginnings of a migraine so I need my meds to offset that, I don't want to drive either with a migraine or on migraleve.

I will have to see if the weather clears before going to work later.

Sunday, 19 July 2015

Sunday evening

Good evening peeps,

Well I went to the car boot sale, and experienced what is hopefully one of my last experiences of being squashed and crowded on public transport for a while.

The car boot was good, the weather was nice, better than forecast, so I browsed and got some odds and ends, cheap books and toiletries.

Then I came home and the rain that was forecast never occured, so I biked down to the beach in the hot sunshine, dived into the sea as it was full tide, and swam strongly for a while, then got dressed and biked home.

I did lamb and potatos for lunch, very nice.

Then I have been doing housework, reading, trying to relax, doing paperwork and diaries, and watching 'Finding Nemo', 'Back to the Future 2' and finally watching 'Humans'.

Now it is my bed time.

Tomorrow I do one garden and then in the afternoon or evening we collect my car.
I am not exactly excited, the Diocese and their steady attacks on me have taught me not to look forward to things or believe in good things.
But I guess if the car is OK and I manage to drive OK, Then it will be helpful to have a car, as you will have seen, trying to run my business with unreliable public transport has been hard and wasted  many hours.


Sunday morning

Good morning,

Now somewhat rested, I will update properly from Friday evening to now.

On Friday I went for a pepsi with the person I was going to the cinema with and then we went to see the film 'Self/less'.
Self/less was a psychological/sci-fi thriller, very fast and thought provoking, it was basically about a mad scientist creating a process to transfer minds from dying bodies in order to save the elite.
It was the living again as a different person that got me, because of course that is what I have done, and having just put a deposit on the first car in my new life, it was funny to see that similarity.
The film got a bit violent and a bit complex, but we enjoyed it, and by the time the film had finished, I was in time to get one of the late buses home, while my mate headed off for a swift half or something before he went home, because I had said I wouldn't drink with him and he had agreed with that.

Anyway, I got home quite late, and because the car now had the deposit on, I insured it, and started trying to do the tax but had the wrong reference number, so the tax had to wait.
The UK tax system has changed since I had a car here in my last life, and so has the insurance system, you don't wait for a cover note, you just print your insurance certificate, so by Friday night I had an insurance certificate, and I did the tax yesterday, you can now tax instantly online with the log book or new keeper reference number, and you don't need a tax disc any more.

Anyway, so there I was, going to bed at midnight on Friday, when I had the heavy papers and a morning's work to do on Saturday, no wonder I don't go out much, I thrive on early nights and early mornings.

Anyway, I slept well and hardly noticed the heavy papers on Saturday, which is a habit since I have done some very heavy work contracts recently, I don't notice the heavy papers any more.
After the papers, I had to head for work, and spent a pleasant morning working peacefully.

Then I came home via an ice cream and some P-plates for the car, I am not a newly qualified driver but I haven't driven since before I died in Jersey so I am going to have P-plates until I feel more confident.

When I got home, it was time for swim things and down to the beach, it was warm but a a bit cloudy, the sea was cool and messy and I enjoyed a quick swim.
Then when I got home I lit a disposable BBQ and did salad and iced coke zero to go with it, and I did some gardening.
After the BBQ, I used the smouldering BBQ to light a bonfire pile that I had built up from clearing the back garden, and I spent the evening tending the bonfire.
We have a massive garden and some of it has needed serious work, we have a lady gardener who has been coming once a fortnight for years, but she has not been able to keep control of the garden with the hours she does, so I have taken on some hours, and I get paid for it as if it was one of my normal jobs, but it has the advantage of being here at home, so I can drink tea and things.

Anyway, after a smoky evening, I fell into bed exhausted and slept.

Today was due rain but the rain was early and it is brighter now.
I was dreaming a lot, dreamed of ice skating, which I jolly well should go and do!
Then I dreamed a lot about churches and priests and church people, over and over, most of whom I was trying to avoid or telling to get stuffed.
But the last dream was really quite profound.

I dreamed I was walking up a hill, past churches and through corridors, avoiding priests and people, then I was at Wolvsley Palace in Winchester, wearing roller skates and a baseball cap.
The Bishop of Winchester and other Bishops and dignitaries (fat old men) were there, and they greeted me with great joy and friendliness, and I snubbed them because I wanted to go rollerskating.
Then there were old dissaproving church ladies, you know the type, they were making snide comments about me with my roller skates and baseball cap, and, don't blame me for not being in control of my dreams and being so rude to everyone but I went over to them and said 'Did your parents bring you up to talk about people like that?!'
Horrified silence.
To be honest I have no idea why I would be wearing a baseball cap anyway, those caps press against my very sensetive temples and make my head ache.

I woke up, astounded by this dream.
Roller skates?
You know how when you are dozing and half awake after a dream and you think 'What if I do that?'
I was imagining roller skating down my road., but to be honest, basic roller skates would be dangerous and possibly harmful to my legs, I would need those roller blade boots if I was going to be on wheels, and even then, it would be a question of seeing if it strengthened my legs or put strain on them.
When I was learning to surf in Jersey, the instructor told me I should get a skateboard to strengthen my weak right leg, and I did, and it would be so tempting now that I can walk, to get another skateboard, and David would fall about laughing if he saw me skating along the sea wall, as if I was back in Jersey on St. Aubins bay again :) I would rather be here, St. Aubins Bay stinks.

Anyway, I dozed off again after my strange dreams and woke late, 7am, the shop opens at 7 on a Sunday but I didn't get there until 7.20.
But the Sunday round is relatively easy, and I was soon home and having breakfast, my bonfire is still smouldering, but it is contained and neat.

We are due to collect the car tomorrow, and I am just going to have a quiet day today, for once.
I will go to the car boot sales if the weather holds.
I got some lamb for lunch, makes a change from chicken.

I found this, and it is interesting to see how far I have come since the decision to go on living that I made in 2012:

Saturday, 18 July 2015

Saturday night

Hi peeps,

Sorry for the delay in updating.
I am so tired it is hard to type straight.

Well yesterday I collected my prescriptions and got a fat bag of medicines, then in the afternoon I headed off to put the deposit on the car, and typical! The buses were on a go-slow just when I had to hurry to get the deposit on the car and then go and meet my friend at the cinema.

I got the deposit on the car, and they then gave me a lift to the cinema and got there early, we were early for the film so we went and had a pepsi in a pub before the film.
The film was very interesting.

I am so tired that I am just going to stop here, hang my washing up and go to bed, I have plenty of time to update tomorrow as I am genuinely not working tomorrow, haha.

Friday, 17 July 2015

Friday morning

Good morning,

Well yesterday I went to physiotherapy, and they concluded it as I have made good progress and I just have to do exercises and ice forever now.
So I went to work, garden clearance, and started off badly by getting stung by a bee, on the palm of my hand! Bees are not weeds, do not grab them with handfuls of weeds! :(

So I had a sore hand and the poison made my hand and arm ache, but not too bad, so I worked on, and when my client came home, she found me some anthisan stuff to put on the sting.

I got home with time for a shower and a meal and a bike along the sea front.
Then my friend collected me and we ventured into a big scary unknown adventure, with me insisting I didn't even know what a car was!
I was looking out for the car and there it was, just as I imagined it, it is old but nothing wrong with it, a Peuguot like my old one, only older than my old one, haha, a 'no-frills' old car with two lady owners from new and not a bad mileage.
we drove it round the lane and it is basic but sound, and so with a promise to make a decision soon, me and my friend had a drive around and talked about it, we decided it is fine, and I did a full background check on the car when I got home, you can pay for a full record of a car for about £15 from RAC and places like that, and the background exactly matched what the family selling the car told us, and they were selling because they needed a bigger car for their growing family.
So then I checked tax and insurance costs and that is all good. It is a little car.

So this evening on the way to the cinema with my mate, I will drop off the deposit, and tax and insure the car over the weekend.
We are going to see 'Self/less' at the cinema, another body-swap movie.

Anyway, today I am trying to have an almost day off, I will do some gardening here at home that I will be paid for but it is easier to garden at home than go out.
Anway, last night I slept reasonably well, my housemate was away and I slept peacefully and dreamed vaguely about Julie Wallman who was that Jane Fisher clone who screwed me over with Bob Hill, but it was vague and brief and I didn't suffer any distress on waking.
Julie Wallman:

I dragged myself out of bed to do the heavy local papers and when I got to the shop they told me the local paper was heavier than usual but I didn't notice any difference, I plodded round the round and came home for breakfast, it is still cloudy and windy but getting brighter later, I may swim in the sea if the wind dies down.

I got my local paper from the corner shop on my way back down the hill on my round, I usually stop there for the paper or bread or milk and they know me, they say 'Hey papergirl! Is your bike working today?!' Haha.

Anyway, I have just written a pen letter in response to one I got yesterday, now I need to do some business paperwork and other tasks, and I need to go and get my prescription as my combination inhaler is running out.

Thursday, 16 July 2015

Thursday morning

Good morning,

I managed to sleep through, but I think it was dependent on 5HTP, I was groggy and slow to wake.
I had left the window open all night and I could hear the sea roaring as I woke, the day is gloomy and windy but the wind hasn't blown the humidity away yet.

I went to do my papers, the blue bike is running OK but feels different, not as much bounce and liveliness as it used to have.
I had a new paper on my round, in the furthest corner where I am always hoping the other customer will just cancel. Drat!

Anyway, headlines today were mainly about riots and about some girls throwing a fundraising party for their mother's assisted suicide at Dignitas.
Poor taste.
But I do know someone who is planning to go to Dignitas when their illness gets worse, and I find that very hard and will find it hard if they do that, to be honest, I can't imagine my life without that person being part of it.

The cat is curled up on my bed, so I can't make my bed without being swiped with a bunch of sharp needles.
The cat has decided he loves us again recently, he has stopped sleeping out all hours in the garage and forgetting his food, he is eating like a horse and keeping me company, I think it is due to the change from hot weather to cloudy windy weather.

My physio is at 10am, which allows me a late start to my day, I will bike up there at 9.30, and then will go to work on garden clearance.
I am trying to have a day off tomorrow but I will do the garden here, hardly a day off!

On Saturday I have reserved the morning for work for my disabled chap, I let him down with extra hours last weekend due to the big garden clearance job.
The contract work person is OK with that and then I will be doing contract until September at the weekends, as long as I can meet the high standards of that work.

I have to remember to go to the cinema tomorrow night, I am not so keen on going out in the evenings since I have been working, but I let my mates down by not going to the beach bar with them last week, so I must show willing, I am not spending any time on leisure and socialising these days, and unfortunately, because I am an Aspie, I don't even notice but it is to my detriment.

And oh yes, someone asked if I am starting therapy again. Yes, well I am being assessed next week.
See what they say.

Wednesday, 15 July 2015

Wednesday afternoon

Good afternoon,

Well this morning I hurried off to the bike shop in the next town, got a bacon roll on the way to work, the weather was so humid under the low clouds that I was sweating before I got to work, how unladylike :)
Work went quickly and at the end it was raining as I went to collect the blue bike.

The blue bike had been properly fixed this time, the new innertube was faulty, hence the flat tyre, and they replaced it for free, along with a new tyre, also free, and they have replaced the gears, and adjusted the brakes so my paper round customers do not get a rude awakening of the blue bike screeching at them!
They were very good about costs too, on account of the faulty innertube disrupting my work, the bike shop know about me and the blue bike, that it is a unique assistance bike.
I will need the blue bike all my life, but it is probably as old as me.
as my long term readers will remember, I couldn't ride any of the replacement bikes last year.

So home by early afternoon with a happy bike, I hadn't had lunch by 2pm, or 4pm, still don't want to eat, hadn't had a shower, I have no idea what is wrong with me, sleep, food or showers, all the normal routines, gone to pot.

Anyway, I biked down to the paper shop and told them I would be in in the morning, 6.30am.
Then I biked up and down the front, the weather remains humid with low cloud, and the Great Hill was glooming under the cloud.

I have been watching 'My Fair lady' which is another old favourite, and the cat has been keeping me company, very cheerfully.
I have had some pizza.

I got an email offering me contract work every weekend until September, gah! :) That is the contract work I have been doing sometimes as blogged previously, they want me every weekend, just when I have promised Saturday morning to the customer who I let down last Saturday due to the garden clearance job!

Tomorrow I have physio at 10am and then garden clearance work in the village.

Wednesday morning

Good morning,

Well it is a grey and overcast day, and with a day off from the papers, I overslept a bit after sleeping through the night, and I am still groggy, I have 45 minutes to get myself and the bike sorted and to the shop before work.
HTP knocked me out, and it has this side effect of making me groggy.

The weather is due to get quite warm despite the clouds, but I only have one garden to do today, I am only supposed to be working part time! But I will have to do my books later and see what I am really doing with regards to working hours, my hours are still flexible and variable, not 9-5 but I am working weekends a lot now, so I have to add up what I am doing and let housing Benefit know.

I was dreaming a lot last night, dreamed I was back in my childhood home, it was dark outside and thick snow was on the ground like it used to be in winter there, my Dad and my sister were going somewhere and I didn't want to leave them so I asked to go with them, and they agreed, and we went out into the dark and snow and I felt sad, I think I knew even in the dream it was all gone and my Dad was dead.
I had a few more sad dreams about missing my home and family, although in real life I am home and my family are best avoided, especially since the diocese have tried to use them.

Tuesday, 14 July 2015

Tuesday evening

Good evening,

Well, rain stopped my work yesterday, which was frustrating, it is worse when I am set back when I have an extra job to do, so yesterday was a difficult day, made worse by church of england bollox again.

Anyway, I took 5HTP to help me sleep last night and managed to get some deeper sleep, I have no idea at all what affects my sleep patterns but I know if I have to, I take 5HTP and I sleep, I will take some tonight.

This morning, the blue bike, which has been struggling, broke down, and so I walked my round, this was frustrating because I was due to go to the garden clearance job that was postponed yesterday.

So, it was 10am by the time I got to the garden clearance, which is in the next town.
Progress was excellent and hopefully I can bow out now and leave those two nutty guys to do the landscaping, I am not a landscaper, I am a garden maintenance and clearance worker and by the time I finished today the rotorvating and laying down of bark chips was being done, and the skip was piled high with green waste.
And I got paid :)

It was an interesting experience, one of a few as I continue to build my work, I was working for the client who was both ill and rather pissed most of the time, and working with a labourer who talked a lot and worked very little, both men drank and smoked, but at least both were well behaved gents, no threat and not even slightly chauvenistic, they were happy to stand and talk while I did heavy work, but actually I was paid as per arrangement and so I really don't care, especially as the client was very happy with my work. So was I, because I am back to full strength, I just have to make allowances for the very real disability of the damage the church and homelessness have done to my body. But the physio's ice bottle idea works like magic.

Anyway, I finished at lunch time and came home for a break, I had some wedges for lunch (not shoes) and I had a shower as I hadn't had time this morning.
Then I had two more gardens to do, not clearance thankfully, just mainly mowing lawns.

I was kindly given a lift home due to lack of blue bike, and I have been watching my programmes and doing some of my online University induction, only three months or so to go, nothing like being prepared is there? Again the university committment is put at risk by the church of england's madness just as my work is.

Anyway, after watching my programmes, I realised I had forgotten yet another meal, it has been a bad week for this and it is not allowed for me to miss meals.
So I went to the store and got a few things, and then the chip shop and got a few more things ;)
And now I am watching Bruce Almighty and not doing anything.

The blue bike is booked for repair tomorrow.
it is raining now, so I am glad my work is done for the day, but if it rains tomorrow then I will be clearing out a shed :(

People are looking up Gavin Ashenden on the blogs, obviously he has been shooting his mouth off at abusers and liars anonymous, otherwise known as the General Synod.

Did anyone watch Hollyoaks preview? Poor Trevor!

The cat has graced us with his presence due to the rain outside.

Monday, 13 July 2015

Monday morning

Good morning,

Well after watching humans, I went to bed, but only slept with difficulty and shallowly, I should have got up and take some 5HTP but I was reluctant to wake myself up further. There were no terrors or flashbacks or nightmares, but there were dreams.

I had a few dreams towards the end of the night, firstly I dreamed that I was going back to Jersey and the Diocese of Winchester had set it all up, in real life apparently the Diocese did plan to send me back to Jersey, according to rumour, and that would be why I got sickly sweet emails from people I knew in Jersey saying how much they had missed me and looked forward to seeing me again, they got my opinion on that, why should I want to see anyone who abandoned me when the diocese had me imprisoned and left homeless?
Anyway, the diocese trying to return me to Jersey would be like my brothers when we were young saying that they would get a puppy and kick it downstairs, and when the RSPCA arrived, they would kick it back upstairs and say 'see, no harm done!'

The Diocese of Winchester want to play God, but with no understanding of humanity at all, why would I go back to Jersey when the only thing that could happen after I had been publicly destroyed by the church in Jersey was that I had to leave Jersey in order to have any life, and sadly of course, the diocese destroyed me again and again when I left Jersey, in fact they have never stopped.
And as I mentioned before, my brothers, mentioned above, went on to be deeply cruel and criminal and abusive, but the diocese wouldn't have them destroyed, because they didn't commite the henious crime of standing up to the church, so while they got off scot free for numerous crimes that added to my disturbed state, the so-called Christian Church had me publicly destroyed, and still are doing.

Anyway, the dreams triggered that rant.

The second dream was another church one, I dreamed I was at a kind of Children's home or orphanage, but I was one of the children, some of the kids were so dirty that someone was hosing them down, I had obviously had a wash or shower as well and was wrapped in my big pink towel that exists in real life,
Then the Archbishop of Canterbury arrived at the home, to interview me, apparently, he was with a woman who was apparently his chaplain or PA, but the strange thing was, neither of them would look at me or acknowledge me, even though they were apparently there to see me, and I tried to find some clothes but they still wouldn't look at me or acknowledge me, but the other kids crowded round them, and then there were some people who looked like police or security guards, but still the Archbishop and his female assistant turned their heads away. As if they had arrived with a claim to want to interview me and were just going to stand ignoring me. Very church of england.

I woke up, wondering at this vivid dream, I take it to be related to the Archbishop's attitude to the Jersey and Winchester matter, how he has turned away from the badly behaved clergy, allowed them to influence the matter and leave me defamed and voiceless and has washed his hands.

I got up at 6.15am and got a cuppa while pumping the bike tyre up a bit or trying to.
It was raining and I went delivering papers in the rain, came home wet, put the clothes on a short wash and had a warm shower and some breakfast.
There is no way I can do the garden clearance in this weather and with other immovable jobs and a deadline for this one, I am a bit stumped, although it is not as bad as it sounds, the majority of the work is done and it is a question of just prepping for turf and gravel and bark, I do not want to actually get into the landscaping and I am a maintenance and clearance gardener not a landscaper, maybe I can farm the landscaping off to the guy who talks a lot, only it would never get done.

I will await messages as how to proceed.

In the meantime I have paperwork to do, as always. And some music practice.

Someone was looking up the Jersey Evangelical Anthem on my other blog, I guess it extends to a lot of the rabid evanglical diocese of winchester, which is why Jane Fisher couldn't actually investigate some of the damaging evangelical practice in Jersey and nor could Bishop Willmott, because both of them are in agreement with it even though a lot of serious safeguarding issues are and were caused by it:

I don't usually rant on this blog but I still suffer a few flashbacks and distress in the mornings even with the horrors of the night time flashbacks suddenly gone. The dreams can trigger the distress.

Sunday, 12 July 2015

An eighth interview with HG

Here we are, whackily talking about astronomy.

1 Do you know the names of the planets in order?

Good question, no, I did learn them and have now forgotten them.
2 Do you use mnemonics to remember them?
eg. "My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas"

I can't remember the mnemonics we used to learn them, but it wasn't that one! :)
3 When did you first learn about the planets? How? Book, TV, person?
I learned about the planets from those little thin science journals, I had a brother who was very keen and consciencious about teaching me from these books and I am glad he made the effort.

4 Can you find the plough or big dipper?

Yes, we used to lie on the lawn and pick out the constellations when I was little.
5 Can you find the pole star?

Yes, always :)
6 Have you ever seen a planet in the night sky? Which ones?

Yes, mainly Mars and Venus, is it Venus that is usually visible close to dawn and very bright? We had a lovely time at the local astronomy centre a few months back, looking at planets through very powerful telescopes.
7 Can you name 5 famous astronomers?

Sir Patrick Moore, Galileo, Edwin Hubble (telescope), Albert Einstein, Ptolmey (a little Roman).
8 Have you seen shooting stars?

Yes, many, and I do wish on them, the best place to see them is St. Ouens Bay in Jersey.
9 Have you every looked through a proper telescope? Tell me about it. Where was it, what did you see?

Yes, at our local astronomy centre, I saw planets and stars and constellations. It is awesome.
10. Have you seen an eclipse of the sun? And of the moon? When, where?

Yes, I first saw an eclipse of the moon when I was young, and I remember an eclipse of the sun in the late 90s or early 20s, there was one this year but it was too cloudy to see, everything went dark and the birds were singing loudly.

11. Have you every seen the “Northern Lights” (sometimes they can be seen in England and even Jersey!)

Yes, I saw them faintly in the midlands a long time ago, I know they have been seen from Southern England not so long ago.

Thank you for interviewing me, I should spend more time on Astronomy, it is fascinating, you make me miss sleeping under that sky full of stars.

Sunday Evening

Good evening,

Well, back online at last, the internet has been one-key for a few days.

I am just catching up, and I will post a rather quirky recent interview soon.

Lats go back to Friday and start catching up.

Friday morning, I was up bright and early at 5.30, got the papers out without any problems although the bike's new innertube seemed a bit soft.

Then I was all lively and ready for a day's garden clearance, that was going well but the sun got so hot that by lunchtime I was wilting a bit and I was told by my caring customer that that was enough until next week :) she was right, and seeing as she is my friend as well, I have to listen. So I finished for the day at about 1.30, well I finished work, I then had my own work to do, a major grocery shop and also purchasing some tools for my business, because as business increases, I must now make sure I am better equipped, I still haven't got as far as a car yet, but I am doing quite well without,

So, by the time the shopping and equipment purchasing was done, I was ready for a dip in the sea, as it was a roasting hot afternoon.

When that was done, I was quite tired, so I watched my programmes while ddoing my pain relief and physio regime.
The wonderful physio who was working with me, and who has now transferred to another hospital gave me the great idea of an ice bottle, it is just a bottle of frozen water that I keep in the freezer, and when I get home in pain after working hard, I place this bottle on the pain spots to unclench the muscles, it is magic! along with going through all the other pain relief and physio techniques, if I do this when I come home from work or sport that makes me ill with pain, I can prevent debilitating pain from stopping me from working, hopefully it is as simple as that, but time will tell.

I had an early night on Friday as I had grabbed a new garden clearance contract starting on Saturday and I wanted to be refreshed and energized for that.
My housemate arrived home as I was falling asleep, and she needed to unpack, so I put some earplugs in and slept peacefully.

I woke up a bit tired and achy on Saturday but not ill, and I got the papers out no problem, but the blue bike obviously has either a slow puncture or a fault with the new innertube.

After papers, shower and breakfast, my friend collected me and my tools and dropped me off at my new garden clearance contract, I am always nervous of new work, especially as this guy sounded hilariously disorganized.
I was there early, and I could certainly see what needed doing, I was also nervous because I knew I wouldn't be working alone, so I was hoping for the best.

When I got to the site, the skip was there but no-one was around, I knocked on the door and a man who appeared to be either unwell or worse for a bit of drink eventually came to the door, I said who I was as I had not had time to get there and assess the job previously, and he was relieved because he thought I might have been the baby sitter who had been trying to rip him off, this puzzled me as the house and garden were a site rather than lived in, and there was no sign of any children.

I was a bit worried about this new client but he was all there despite drink and an accident or stroke leaving his speech and movement a bit hesitant.
I was relieved that the weather was cloudy after Friday's full sun.
The client seemed a bit unsure on some work points so I prompted him and asked questions, and then informed him I would make a good start while he woke up a bit more, he was happy with that.

I started felling and lopping the trees which partially blocked the driveway.
Eventually two men turned up, one was my client's brother in law, who was only there to remove the fencing to take to his house.
The other man was a bit of a whats-the-right-word? He talked a lot, especially about his achievements and life, you know the type? Go to any CofE or Evangelical church and they are generic. Anyway, this meant that I was doing the work, this guy who was supposed to be working with me just talked and did very little, and the brother in law just took the fencing while the man we were working for was obviously not fit for work, so I was doing a huge amount of heavy work, and despite my disabilities I am now able to work like I used to, as long as physio and pain regimes are followed, I am very happy to be work fit again.

By the end of the day, the skip was nearly full and wow, the garden was looking different!
I am due back there on Monday, if the weather allows.
The day did turn to full sun, so I tried to work in the shade if I could.
I finished my day at 3.30 in a relaxed manner, the boss and the other labourer were well into the beers by then, and had forgotten work in favour of just talking, and it was pleasant talk, they are both drink and fags type but nice guys, polite and well behaved, I was perfectly happy because the boss got me a load of zero coke when I politely refused alcohol.

I was due to meet my friend for a lift home when she finished work but she had obviously finished early if the shop was quiet and had forgotten me :)
So I wandered along the sea front with a banana ice cream :)
Then I came home and all I could really do was rest and watch films, no beach, too tired.
But the films on Film4 and Movie Mix were good: Evan Almighty, The Princess Diaries 2. and Austin Powers, well, err, haha.

Then it was bed time.

This morning I woke up feeling very stiff and tired but not ill, I went and did the papers after inflating the blue bike's tyre, and the blue bike is booked in again for Wednesday and I will have the gears replaced rather than let the chronic problem go on, that is my decision on it :(

Anyway, the Sunday round is easy, and I came home and have just been doing housework, papework, useful stuff, I haven't been out all day, it has rained all day, not that I mind rain but it means no car boot sale or swimming in the sea or anything, I have been meaning to go to the supermarket all day, to get a few things including stamps so I can post a letter to my bestest buddy who lives a long way away, we like writing.

I had to wake the cat up and remind him to eat, because he is old. So now he is asleep on my bed. He is always very grateful when I go and fish him out of his nest in the garage and bring him in for food, he purrs and bumps me with his head and then sleeps on my bed.

I have a busy working week ahead, I need to re-calculate my income and let Housing Benefit know what I am up to, as they have to adjust, it is hard because my work is seasonal and variable, and in the autumn when the gardening fades, I will have to be doing enough cleaning to break even as well as doing my university studies.

The forecast is not great for tomorrow and this garden clearance is time limited so I am a bit worried, especially with all my other work going on. But the client seems delighted with my work, he has been very complimentary, he has also taken note of the other labourer standing and talking while I work, so things are looking good.

Thursday, 9 July 2015

Thursday evening

Good evening peeps,

I am tired.
I slept through the night but lightly, no terrors or distress.
I woke feeling tired, hardly able to get up.
I crawled out and did the papers.

My work was due to start at 10, so I did invoices and receipts and paperwork. The thing about being self-employed is, you don't just pick up your wages, you have to do paperwork.

Then I went to work, drinking tea from my thermos mug as I went, because I got the bus rather than biking, there are extra buses for the holidays so I got a quiet bus and got there early so I popped into the garden centre and got a plant for one of my other clients on the way.

I worked hard and got too hot and felt a bit sick, then I got a cup of tea at the garden centre and came home.
I was so tired I just wanted to go to bed, but I really needed to do a big shop, buying odds and ends as I rush about is all very well, but sometimes a proper shop at the big supermarket is really necessary.

So I am home now, watching my programmes, with the cat peeping round the door.
Anyone watch Hollyoaks?

...'Address the Ball'

'Um, OK, Hello Mr. Ball'.

It has turned out so sunny that I feel I should be on the beach, but I am too tired.

I think an early night, no BBQ and no more gardening tonight. I have a day's work tomorrow with little shade, and I am doing a half day on Saturday, and next week looks busy, but I am still balancing.