This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Monday, 14 October 2013

This blog is on hold due it's owner having floo.

Please send hot things and ladles of sympathy.

Friday, 11 October 2013

yesterday morning I went to pastoral care but didn't feel too good.
Pastoral care was ok, and then I went to have a quick cuppa where I usually do knitting but I was too ill to knit.

I went litterpicking and then went to the library, I didn't go to college, I was too ill, I swapped towns to get a night in a bed and breakfast, and simply slept all night.

woke this morning on the anniversary of the horror that made me homeless.

re-inacted the scene backwards.

take care peeps, speak soon.

Thursday, 10 October 2013

Good morning peeps,

Well, if this is flu, it is day 4 of it now and it is walking flu, so thats ok.

Yesterday afternoon I went to the library, felt increasingly ill with a temperature and cough and tiredness.

Went to college in the evening anyway, and when I got in the classroom, my classmate told me I had flu and he had been off with it and was still recovering, he was coughing a lot, he said I should go home to bed, and the tutor asked how I felt about staying or going, and I said I would stay and see how I felt, so she gave me all the notes and homework in case I had to go.

I stayed half the lesson and went at break time, spoke to student services in case I am too ill to do class tonight.

Went home, brewed tea with the last of the milk and put the hot kettle and a rag and some medicine by my blankets and tried to sleep, looking up at the clear sky and stars. I was wearing my thermal top for the first time this autumn.
I dozed and woke shivering, just my luck to get sick when the first drop in temperature happens after an unusually mild time.
I got up, went to the loo, coughed, took some meds, wrapped myself in my honeycomb blanket and got back into the blanket pile.
I was warm except for my feet, normally my feet never get cold, but these boots are useless.

I slept shallowly until morning and then it was hard to wake up, but I got up in the dark early morning, went to the shop for milk, and brewed hot tea on the stove, put boiling water in a bucket and inhaled the steam, and then used the water to wash in.
a wash and plenty of tea later, I came down here to the cafe.

We will see how the day goes, just my luck to get sick in the run up to such a weekend!

Wednesday, 9 October 2013

Hi peeps,

Well yesterday I went to see all me pals, I had a cuppa or five, and then my lunch parcel was dropped off for me.
I came over here to the town where I go to college and I sat here feeling ill and revising.
I got cough medicine and everything but felt worse and worse, so I quit for the day and went home.

Back in my town, my church were having a meeting, they accepted that I was ill and needed tea and could catch up on college without a problem, so I drank tea and cough meds and then when church finished I went to tuck down.

I slept shallow at first, and was cold, got up at midnight, choking and wheezing and hoping I wasn't drawing attention to myself, went to the loo, took some cough medicine, put my coat and bandanna on and tucked back down. Slept throught to morning and woke feeling dozy but got myself up to put the stove on.

Boiled water, had several cups of tea and washed my hair and myself, did my mouthwash and things.

Went to the cafe, was entertained by the latest news of the investigation, went for pastoral care, had my brekky and a chat, used the church loo to finish my wash as the church groups were in, dropped a raffle prize off for someone to the community centre, went litterpicking round the church, saw a churchperson and asked him where the alcoholics anon group were, because that is what I call the group of drunk homeless people, they were absent so I could litterpick in peace.
I fell over though.

Then I got the bus down to college, gave them the correct paperwork that they have needed, which has only just come through, they are talking about getting me a bus pass for after half term, it looked unlikely yesterday but today they think they can, ho hum.

I also handed my homework for yesterday in, but the tutor was off site and so I will see him tomorrow to get worksheets and an assignment sheet.
And while I was there they looked at daytime activities for me after half term, I am on a first aid course but we are undecided what my other activity will be.

It was nice at college, I got a hot drink and walked down to the water's edge, where some students were interviewing each other, while others were exploring the shores like young people should.

I walked down onto the marsh and just peacefully reflected, and then went up the bank and sat under the trees, which have changed colour beautifully, today is the last warm day, and it was beautiful in the sun and I just enjoyed my walk. A blessing from God.

Then I got the bus down here. I have homework to print but not much else to do, I am still feeling rough, and my temperature keeps rocketing suddenly, my nose keeps running and I keep coughing.

Tuesday, 8 October 2013

Good morning peeps,

Be careful not to catch flu from me through my blog, I get the nasty feeling that I have picked up flu from church due to some people there having it and coming to church with it.
I am still standing at the moment, but I started feeling ill yesterday, and it hasn't got better, started with sore throat, tired, muzzy, headache, cough, aching bones.
During the night I had to get up and I felt sick and dizzy.


Yesterday evening I sat and revised while the choir warbled, this is not our choir, this is a choir who come in and use our church, but I know a lot of them from various places, some are nice, some are snotty anglicans.

My friend came and dropped off clean clothes for me, and a bottle of gas and a letter that has finally arrived that I needed for college! :)

After choir I went and tucked down in the corner, I felt too hot to add the duvet to the pile but during the night I wished I had, it was a patchy night of sleep, some shallow, some deeper and some waking, no flashbacks but had to get up at one point and felt sick and dizzy.

I  woke in the early morning and dozed again, by the time I got up there was no time for a wash, just a quick cuppa at the cafe and off to physiotherapy, no pastoral care today because of physio.

Physio  was ok, just work on my leg to make it less awkward.

The walk there and back is a pleasant walk, especially with the radio.

I went to see if my lunch parcel was there, but it wasn't.
Came here briefly to catch up, and then I will see me pals and then go over to the other town for the rest of the day.
While I am still standing, it is't flu.

Monday, 7 October 2013

Hey peeps,
The other blog is taking up time and I mustn't let my homework go to pot.

Yesterday afternoon I went and rested in my corner and read my book and listened to the radio, now I have worked this radio out, it is good, but it needs recharging all the time.

Then churchpeople were arriving for the evening service, I got a cuppa and sat with my friend and then got another cuppa after the service.
Then my friend took my washing home to wash, and I went for a walk.

I had a long and peaceful walk and eventually wandered back to sleep, it was very noisy in the area so I listened to my radio, read my book and eventually slept with my earphones in, which is not ideal.

I woke briefly in the early hours and had flashbacks, slept until 6am and woke wide awake in the early morning.

I got up and went for a walk, stopping for a cuppa at McD's, and then went back and washed.

Pastoral care was early today and then I went to the library. Stopped on the way to chat to a friend.

Then I was due to meet my friend at 11am, I got stopped by another friend who wanted a  a chat as I hurried to meet my friend, no-one told me it is national stop and chat day! :)

I got to where I was meeting my friend, and she was there, we set off in her car and her phone kept ringing, so I answered it and it was someone I knew, so I took a message and said hi and he said he would phone her later.
We went up to the viewpoint and got burgers and tea and had a good chat, and the phone kept ringing and someone else I knew phoned, so I had a chat to him and said I would see him on Saturday.
Today is chatterday! :)

We went down to sanctuary before heading home, and here I am, overwhelmed at the moment.
Homework, life events, the Church and everything.

Peeps, stay tuned.

Sunday, 6 October 2013

Hey peeps,

Sunday is running away from me and the week will be busy, I should go and lie on my blanket and rest for a few hours before the evening church service.

Well I went to church this morning, our priest was away and at one point some of the leaders were in a worried huddle, the people doing tea and coffee had been ill and couldn't come, no-one had brought any milk, so I stepped in and offered to volunteer with tea and coffee, and one of the other woman my age said she would also help, so I went and got the milk, when I got back, someone else had come in late, as the service had started and said they were supposed to be helping and had overslept and didn't know the other two were ill, in the end we sorted it out and we did the tea and coffee.

Anyway, tea and coffee was fine, and people asked for my sponsor form for the walk, and I laughed and said it hadn't come through yet.

After church I read my book for a while, and then came here and have sat and drunk tea all afternoon, I will have an hour or so to rest and read before church again.

We had lovely hymns this morning, please let me share one:
Hey peeps,

yesterday I had two helpings of roast dinner wiv me pals, and was given a tub of food to take away for supper.

I stayed in the library a while , then went to my lock box and sorted it out and put my dirty laundry in a bag in case my friend has time to wash it tomorrow evening.

Then I went for a wander.
I have been trying to work out how to describe my adventure in the blog, but I can't, I went to a place that I love, the place where I will be walking in a few weeks time, there is a ferry and things,
I got back late but the drunks were still noisy.

eventually I settled to sleep, I had my spare personal radio, which isn't very good but it worked enough to lull me to sleep.

This morning I woke up peaceful but cold, the top blanket had slid off and the air was cold for the first time in ages, I was reluctant to wash when I got up, but I made a start anyway, washing my hands and arms and doing my teeth and mouthwash, brushing my hair, then I went to the cold toilets and did the intimate wash, then I came back and reluctantly washed my hair in cold water.
My friend has ordered gas for my stove, but in the meantime I am washing in cold water and cannot brew tea.

Anyway, by the time all washing was done and I had put a Sunday top on, it was time for the cafe.

Saturday, 5 October 2013

hey peeps,

Yesterday afternoon my friend dropped me off in town and I came here to the library.

I was furious to get an email from the police about the historic enquiry and so I replied by questioning their genetic line, etc. When is going to stop?

anyway, that rattled me.

But I had got a lot of the blog that bites back at the one-sided enquiry done.

Anyway, I went to do my homework during choir practice, and one of the choir had already heard that I am preparing to do The Great Walk again and was thirsting for the sponsor form, which hasn't come through yet.

I managed to do drafts of both lots of homework and got through many cups of tea while the choir practiced.

Then I went for my walk, I had a long peaceful walk, gazing at the water and the lights on the road and the trains on the track, it is all so beautiful and I do not want to lose it to the senseless monsters in the diocese and police.

Then I went back and tucked down, undisturbed by noise or drunks, but too tense to sleep until after midnight, my friend  texted me to ask if I will do the London weekend next weekend, oh Lord, I am so busy then, I do not know! :)

I slept eventually, deep empty sleep until morning.
I got up and did my hair and mouthwash and water and went to the cafe.

Then I went to pastoral care and porridge.

After pastoral care, there were ladies doing flowers in church so I borrowed the church loo for a wash.

And here I am.

I have lunch wiv me pals later.

Friday, 4 October 2013

Hey peeps,

yesterday I walked down to the port and watched the water traffic, there was a ship in dock being repaired.

I didn't have much prep for class so I was reading my book.
I got a message saying class was cancelled.

so I texted my friend and she said she would collect me at 7pm rather than 9pm, so she came to collect me from near the library and I got some reduced chicken and bread to eat while I waited.

We went back to my friend's house and had a cuppa and watched television while she did the ironing.
I haven't been in a house or seen a television for months.

Then it was bed time and I sleep on a thin foam mattress on the floor at my friend's house, as I am not too good at beds and house floors are harder than outdoors ground, so the foam mattress is just right and the duvet is soft and comfy.

eventually I overcame the tension and nervousness and slept.
I woke in the early hours, as is usual now, and was in shallow sleep and terrors, needed the loo and by 5.45am I got up, went to the loo and then dozed off again.

dozed for a few hours, even when I could hear my friend buzzing around and cleaning the loo and things.

I got up eventually and wandered down to breakfast, had some tea and toast and amused my friend by muttering about how breakable houses are when I bumped something in the kitchen and was worried.
It's ok, I just bumped a jug but I am used to outdoors, where everything is less fragile.

I had a nice shower and was delighted to wash my legs back to pink, they have been blue from the dye in my jeans forever, as you cannot wash blue dye out in a bucket wash or a wash in the toilets, so I am happily clean and my friend has gone to tennis, and I am here until lunch time and then she is going away for the weekend so I will head back to town to the library and will sit and do my homework during choir practice this evening.

I have been offered places on a few daytime short courses at college, I am doing first aid and waiting to hear what else.

It is only three weeks to the great walk! oh I am longing for it, it was fantastic last year, it is one of the things that has helped with my healing.

No college now till Tuesday! viva da weekend!

Thursday, 3 October 2013

Hey peeps,

I went to coffee and sausage rolls this morning, but didn't have a knitting lesson as neither of us felt like it.

I have come to this other town in preparation for college.

It is rainy and windy, lovely.

I am so tired.

Three weeks to half term and the start of the second annual Great Walk.
Hey peeps,

Today looks like a Thursday so I will allow it to be.

Yesterday's college was a bit chaotic as there was an open evening as well, so I went there early and had a look round the department that I would go to next year if I survive.
I also managed to have a very beneficial talk with the finance department and they are going to sort my bus pass out tomorrow hopefully.

Then I went to my class, but due to open evening it had moved.
I found where we were relocated, and the tutor was impressed because I have Asperger Syndrome and yet I found the class and some of the others had to be rescued because they couldn't.

The tutors now know I am AS, because they didn't at first and I had to say something before my work started being affected because I couldn't process what the tutor was saying quick enough, or interact well enough.
So last night was good because I was able to sit apart from the crowded class, I sat with a guy who has dyslexia and bipolar disorder and also struggles with people and prefers to be apart, so that was ok, and I managed everything ok. Wednesday is my toughest class though, it really is.

Anyway, after class I got a hot drink from the machine and walked up for the long wait for the bus, I was peacefully reading my book in the bus shelter but some noodle came along with a cigarette and so I had to move and there wasn't enough light anywhere else to read the book.
But the bus seemed to come quickly and off home I went.

My friend had put food on the lock box for me and I put it in the box as I wasn't hungry. I got my bedding and was disturbed by the drunks as usual, eventually I got to sleep but it is wearing me down terribly.

I wa sonly sleeping shallowly in the early hours, I didn't get up but I was mildly distressed in my sleep, got up and moved with no trouble and few flashbacks.
packed away and then washed my hair, it is a cold windy morning but my hairdresser puts gunk in my hair to style it and really a rough sleeper doesn't need styled hair, so I have to wash the gunk and loose hair out, in cold water in a cold windy morning because I am out of gas for the stove.
It makes a man of you apparently, but I am not sure I want to be made a man of.

I did my teeth and mouthwash as well, and headed for the cafe.
I am stopping pastoral care for now because I am in crisis.

Wednesday, 2 October 2013

listening to some quality music - Hope Street by the Levellers, ah it brings back memories.

I am in the town where I attend college.
I stopped on the way at the ice rink, decided to do the crazy thing and see if I could skate.

I would have been ok if a load of drunkard louts, like the kind who disturb my sleep, hadn't come along and started barging around, I had a few slow circuits of the rink, building speed and in a lot of pain, but I decided I just didn't feel safe with the louts there, so i quit, which was sad, there were no after effects of the skate, and if anything, my leg has loosened up and is more mobile :)

I am not deeply looking forward to college but my homework is neatly finished and clipped together and I can see no real prep to do, so that is ok, I will have a polite pot of tea at some point.

hey peeps,
I went to collect my lunch pack because I was told it would be left for me even if I didn't want my porridge and pastoral care.
I ended up having pastoral care and porridge anyway.

I am so tired.

Church had the usual meetings and maintenance for a Wednesday but I just borrowed the disabled loo to have a further bit of a wash and then went to have my hair cut. My hairdresser has made a good recovery from his heart bypass and is back full time now, he was as lovely as usual and thinned my shetland pony hair nicely.

Then I got my books ready for college this evening and changed out of my hair covered shirt, hair shirt, haha, and into a clean teeshirt and cotton top, haha, and here I am, off to the other town soon, maybe via an adventure.
I was walking with my stick earlier but my leg has eased a bit, now I am walking without stick and hope to do something daft for a cripple later.
Good morning peeps,

Well physio yesterday hasn't made my leg much better, but I have another appointment next week.

Yesterday evening I dragged myself to college, college on it's own would be managable, college with the church of england on my back is too much.
Even so, college is hard because of what the church of england have done to me, I feel like I have no right to be there, and I expect more press releases by the diocese to get me recognized and booted out, and basically what is the point of studying when I am on the streets, facing an uncertain future and also no qualification is of any worth with the record the church of england have got me.

Anyway, class was easy for the first hour and very hard for the last hour, I headed home shattered.
When I got home, a group in church had overrun and were still there even though it was 10pm, my friend was there getting agitated as she waited to lock up 'boot them out' I suggested happily and put the kettle on.

One cup of tea later, the group were leaving, so I also wandered off, sorted out my sleeping place, tucked down exhausted and slept.
Woke at 4am needing the loo, went to the loo, tried to sleep but went into flashbacks and distress instead.
Slept lightly and had dreams.
Woke at 6am and packed the bedding away and did my hair and teeth and things.

Came to the cafe.
I am attempting to skip pastoral care today, I feel so low and so tired that there is no point in it.

Tuesday, 1 October 2013

Hi peeps,

I had a few quick cups with me pals and then walked up to physio.
It is a half hour scenic walk, simpler than struggling with buses.

I got there and had my leg tortured by the physio then he ran the electric current through it.

Then I walked back, more physio next week.

I was hurring back because I was supposed to be helping at church, but communication had got so messed up that it had been cancelled, not my fault, so I set off to come to this town where I go to college.
I have been sitting here, reading. 
I am going to print my finished assignment for tomorrow as I will get here late tomorrow as I have a meeting in the afternoon.
Then I will grab supper and get to college.
Good morning peeps,

Last night I drank tea and read my book while the choir warbled.

Then I bedded down, the noise was there but I was tired so I slept.

I woke at 2 or 3am needing the loo.

got up, went to the loo but didn't sleep well again.
distress and flashbacks and dreams when I did sleep.

Woke at 7am but the drunk was hanging around and I had to wait until he had gone, not a good start.

No gas for hot water or tea, so I washed in cold water.

I couldn't remember if pastoral care was 8am or 8.30 because it wasn't clear yesterday.

It was 8.30 but because I didn't know, I had waited anyway instead of going to the cafe. I finished my wash in the cold toilets and checked that my money was in while I waited.

Pastoral care was ok.

Today I have physiotherapy and then I have to hurry back because I am standing in for someone at church who is on holiday, so I have a few hours to do there, and then off to the town where I go to college.
Busy day.

I am going to see me pals briefly before physio.