This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Sunday, 30 June 2013

Hey peeps,

Yesterday I was dozing happily on the couch with my book, looking out the open patio windows at the green trees in the breeze and the blue sky and dinner was cooking and smelling lovely.
Yeah I understand why you live indoors, but I am reluctant to let go of my life on the streets, the thought of it fills me with grief.

I took the dog for a walk to get some milk from the shop, I left the dog outside with strict instructions not to run up any legal bills by biting people and to get herself stolen by someone kind, but she was still there when I got back.
On the way back, the dog slipped her collar and was generally naughty, but we got home ok.

I went to sleep and slept well.
Woke this morning briefly when my friend went to work and slept again until 9.
got up opened the doors, had a cuppa and dealt with the news.
Press articles and related comments.
Nothing to worry about, peeps.
I had a shower and various food and tea, and spoke to a friend who wants to meet up today, but my friend here is not dropping me back at sanctuary until 5pm.
My friend here is back from work and is working in the garden.
It is a sunny, breezy day.

Saturday, 29 June 2013

I missed so much out of my post earlier.
I forgot to tell you that soon I may be able to use a hydrotherapy pool, and that will be really good for my legs and other problems!

And last night, I dreamed about the island.
It was a clear and vivid dream, the sky was deep blue and the rocks were warm in the sun, it was a far spring tide and I looked out to sea, I knew I had learned something, I had learned that you always have to know what your enemies are doing if you live on this beautiful but corrupt island.

I walked down to the sea and began to walk on the seabed as the spring tide was far out, I walked round the muddy seabed on the bays until I reached the harbour.
In the harbour a father and child were trying to right a lazer dinghy that had heeled as the tide went out. There were other people tending their boats, talking, some whom I vaguely recognized.
I woke up because of the dog. But it was a vivid dream.
Good morning peeps,
I woke this morning because the dog came and told me she had to go out in a hurry.
So I let her out.
My friend had gone to work.
So I made a nice cup of tea and sat here a while.

I am reading 'picture perfect' by Jodie Picoult.

I woke free from pain, but I will have a quiet day.

Friday, 28 June 2013

Hi peeps,
I have been having a quiet day, I hurled the dishes in the direction of the dishwasher, cooked something, had a shower.
The electrics went off and I went and put £5 on it but that wasn't quite enough, so when my friend got back, she put some more electric money on.
I am dead domesticated, but I am returning to the streets on Sunday.
If I live indoors I will have to be on painkillers all the time, and then I will end up with ulcers again.

My friend phoned earlier and I freaked out because she was phoning on someone else's phone and the number was witheld, so I thought it was the church of england up to their old tricks with the police.
Haha. It wouldn't surprise me.

Good morning peeps,
I am still indoors, and though I am getting work done, I am increasingly unwell.
The physical pain is really bad, and I am living on painkillers and feeling sick.

Thursday, 27 June 2013

morning peeps,
not really a good one.
I want to die because this church matter is driving me bonkers.
Surely if God has only kept me alive for this hell, He will let me go soon.

I took the dog for a walk last night, the dog never walked out how to walk in a straight line, she prefers to go all over the place all at once.

I slept but was disturbed by my friend's brother coming in drunk, my friend was not pleased, and I was woken very early by his noise, and went back to sleep until 10am and woke very cranky and stiff.

Wednesday, 26 June 2013

what no stats?
Hi peeps,
I have been resting, sometimes intensive rest is highly good.
I went to the shop, did the dishes and had a shower, apart from that I have just been resting.
Well actually resting and working.
I have been working on emails and statements through the day, as well as loving the monster duvet.
The dog has been very interested, especially when I had food or a hot drink.

My friend went to work, came back, had a sleep, and is going to work again later.

various things going on to do with the case, mainly the church being an utter pain in the rear end. Please pray that they don't directly harm me again.
Good morning peeps,
I didn't sleep too much, I think I got a few hours of deep sleep, but I didn't go to bed until midnight, and I woke within a short time because I was having terrors and shouting NO! in my sleep.

I slept, and woke about 10 minutes ago, the dog poked her cold wet nose into my hand because everyone else was awake and she thought I should be.
5.30am! yeek!
so I got up and had a cuppa, which is what everyone else was doing.

Tuesday, 25 June 2013

Hi peeps,
well today I remained in the duvet apart from going to the shop, cooking dinner and doing the dishes, my friend was in and out of the house as she did a work shift on her day off and she had to get her car fixed and things.

I don't really want to do anything, there is no point.
I have lived only to give my evidence, and no one is listening.

I remember in the police cell
when they knocked me about

on an island far away
an isle full of corruption
and darkness that God warned me
would kill me

I wasn't there any more
I was dead that day in that cell

I never fully came back to life
these years have been a wait

to return to the peaceful darkness
that beckons
and calls louder as the days and the pain go on
it's nearly time to go

why is God making me wait?
Wait I will but let it be soon
I am standing here ready
for that call
Good morning you peeps,
If you are not a peep, then please hand yourself in to the government for tests.

I slept soundly through the night and woke at 9am, my friend was still in bed as she is on her second day off, the dog didn't wake me at all during the night, she had a wee in the hall, on a sheet that is put down for her.

I have had a cuppa but nothing else yet.
I am just sitting here, time goes by in houses and you just sit there.
Sometimes even outdoors people need to just sit, which is why I  read my books in the corner when I am outdoors, but it was too windy for that for a few days.

Monday, 24 June 2013

This tiredness is not the normal physical or emotional illness, I think it is just my system saying 'enough is enough', I can only see unlimited hell with the church of england, there is no sign that I will ever be redeemed or free of them.

My friend says I can stay a few days if I want.
indoors is hot but at least I can rest.

Good morning peeps,
I wish I had a nice sandwich.

I went to sleep last night, drowned in the huge soft duvet.
The dog wanted to go out at 1am and 5am because she is diabetic and so she drinks and wees a lot.
I let her out and went straight back to sleep both times, and that gave my friend a break.

I woke up all lazy at 8.15 when my friend brought me a cuppa, she was due to go to a meeting but was too tired so she has gone back to bed.

I went and put electricity on the key when the electric ran out, that was a leanring curve as I have never done that before.

I am just sitting here in my duvet, not doing much, I should be writing and editing but I am simply not able to.

Sunday, 23 June 2013

Hi peeps,
well I am showered and cuppa tea'd.
My friend went to work and I did some work on the computer.
My friend is in bed watching television and I am tiredly sitting here thinking about bed and wishing that someone would speak and end the endless distress that the church are causing to me.
I am relieved to be out of the weather for the night, I have a big soft duvet here but I may get too hot :(
I am so tired
of holding my breath and waiting

waiting for somone to speak
something to happen

the next disaster
the next shock

waiting and not breathing
is almost worse 

than fighting back
to the church's next attack

when will it all end?
Hi peeps,

I went to church and they made me laugh because one of them who always used to be unfriendly went and whispered something to other people when I came in and I did the gab-gab sign to tell her not to gossip, but she was asking them who could make me a cuppa, and it was really funny because two different people came to me with cuppas, one tea and one coffee, and some biscuits, and we all laughed.

So I sat and drank my cuppas in the hall and church started, my friend phoned and said she would collect me in five minutes instead of at midday, so I hurried to meet her, and forgot my bag of dirty washing.

I met my friend, the exhaust on her car was going, and it reminded me of the times the exhausts on my car went.

We stopped on the way back as she is a carer who visits people in their homes, so while she did that, I had a walk down to Sanctuary's Shore, which was a few minutes away, and I walked down to the sea, the biggest spring tide was up, barely going down, and so I took a handful of water and put it on my head as a reminder of my baptism here.

We got home and had a cuppa, and she is having a rest before her evening shift, while I am waiting for my lunch to cool and watching Miss Marple and typing this, I will stay here tonight out of the cold wind, the wind is a rough sleeper's worst enemy, it drains your energy and is no fun to sit or sleep out in.
I love the wind but it makes life miserable, especially when it is blowing the rain in as it has been.

Good morning you peeps,

Yesterday when the library closed, I just wanted to sit and read my book, but the weather was really bad, so I had to wrap myself in blankets and I was still cold. So I put on the ski-jacket that the old priest gave me after I had pneumonia in March, it is a very warm and windproof jacket so that was good.
I got some credit and phoned a friend who I hadn't heard from for a while and we had a good chat, and hope to meet up soon.
I read my book until late and went and sat in the late night coffee shop for a while, then I walked down by the water, the storm and the spring tide meant that the water was high and roiling, lovely.
No sign of the swans and their swanlets.

Some people had a fireworks display and I stopped to watch it.

Then I wandered back through the dark and stormy night, the rain stopped and I tucked down in the corner because Saturday night is not a safe time to go to the porch.
I was very tired, and with my top blanket pulled up and a coat over my head, I fell alseep, I woke at 1.15am and realised that though I was warm and dry, the coat and the top blanket were soaked! It was raining and the wind continued.
I transferred to the porch and went back to sleep, waking when my alarms went off.

The howling wind had backed a bit and wasn't blowing me too much, and I was warm and comfy despite having to abandon the wet bedding, so I had a lie in.
Then I rebagged my bedding and went to McD's.

Then I had a wash and came here.
I will go to church in a minute.
I texted my friend last night but she was working, so she will come and pick me up later.

Saturday, 22 June 2013

Hi peeps,
I was going to have lunch with all me pals but for some reason lunch was cancelled, and I am out of the loop, so I don't know why.
I went to my friend's shop for a cuppa, and she got me some lunch and I stayed there a while.
Then I came back here.
Good morning peeps,
Well the weather was a bit bad during the night.

Last night I sat and read my book, but it was quite cold and the wind was getting up.
Eventually, quite late, I went to the late coffee shop and sat with a tea and my computers
Then I went for a walk with my music, it was late for me to be out, and eventually I wandered into my blankets, but because of the strong cold wind, I did not sleep well.

I woke between 2 and 3am, I was cold and had not been deeply asleep and the investigation was on my mind.
I moved to the porch in the hope that I would be warmer. I was not much warmer as the wind was blowing in, and heavy rain started to fall.
I slept but not deeply.
I woke in the early morning, the rain had blown the wind over my top blankets and the old coat that covers my backpack, but I was dry.

I got up, cold and stiff, and bagged and stashed the bedding.

I went and had a wash and changed into my clean clothes, which was lovely , I really stank in the old clothes.
Then I went to sit outside church, and all the church people turned up for breakfast, so I joined them, and that was nice.
I think the psychologist is concerned that I have no had much interaction with people recently, so there hasn't been much for him to assess, so today I am dead sociable.
I will go and see all me pals for my lunch.

Friday, 21 June 2013

Hi peeps,
I got a few hours of work done in the library and then went and got my stick and caught the train.
I got to the town where the psychology clinic is, and it was a peaceful journey, I read my book.

I had a pot of tea and then saw my psychologist, I was tired and unfoccused though and it was hard to progress, though it is never a waste of time.

The psychologist suggested that I am having a patch of depression, and he commented that from my account of things, I have been very isolated recently.

He suggested that I should try to return to swimming, which I used to do, and that might help my body and mind, both of which are a wreck at the moment.
I agree it is a good idea, but where do I get a swimsuit, how do I afford to swim and where do I dry the swimsuit and towel when I have swum?

I dunno.

The psychologist had been ill, so he had not finished my report, so we talked through the report and he said he hoped to finish it on Wednesday and hoped to be able to do it without a fee, as he originally hoped, because in the meantime the clinic had put a charge on it.

I had a quick scout of the chattery shops and found some jeans and a teeshirt as my clothes stink, I really need a long sleeved top as well though.

I leaped aboard the train and because I was walking with my stick, I was offered a disabled seat, so I sat alone through that journey, and when I changed trains I still got a seat alone, with a pile of newspapers that someone had left, and for once the train was almost on time!

I am back in the library, very tired and now too hot as well, the temperature shot up.

The storm has been raging for so long now
Pouring rain, crashing thunder, howling wind
Beating down on this lonely ship
searching for a place to call home
There was a time; it seems so long ago
The sun shone brightly in the clear blue sky
Looking up from the bow into forever
A gentle breeze, cotton candy clouds
But the storm slowly moved in
A few scattered showers and thunderstorms
Days of downpour, flashes of lightning
with shelter so hard to find
Rainbows still shone, beacons of hope
in the unlikeliest places
Vibrant against a backdrop of gray
a glimpse at the best of times
As the years passed by
the storms changed, getting worse
getting better, and fading away
but they’d left their mark
A vessel is forever changed
when touched that way
and although you can rebuild
the damage has been done
terrible storms had been forecast
for the not so distant future
But they wouldn’t hit this ship
Not again, no more damage would be done
The ship will be protected now
lost no more, tossed about no longer
safe in a harbour to forever call home

Good morning peeps,

I have been missing important things out recently,
things like washing my hair under the garden tap, rebagging my bedding and getting a free cuppa at the cafe.
I must remember to tell you everything.

last night when the library closed, I went and sat on the bench, the usual church people didn't turn up, so I read my book until bed time, wandered into my blankets and tried to sleep.

I didn't sleep very well, I was in and out of sleep, there was noise nearby, I got too hot, I needed the loo, etc.
So I was in and out of sleep all night, it rained lightly at 3am, not enough to make me move.

I dreamed a lot, dreamed I was in Africa, then dreamed I was with my brother in a car, and in the dream I thought 'This would have been impossible until recently' In the dream we ended up at my other brother's house, and there was lots of food.

I woke and was reluctant to get up, another tired day. Did the usual stashing and things.

I am in the coffee shop, it is a dull day.

Thursday, 20 June 2013

Good morning peeps,
yesterday when the library closed, I went to sit and read my book and have a few cuppas and some food.

It was due to be thunderstorms and so I waited to go to my porch, I am furious that when I was just about to as it was dark and nearly 11pm, the louts came outside the pub and turned the glaring lights on, I was cursing.

But eventually I went to the porch anyway, and slept, I didn't hear any thunder and there was no sign of rain when I woke in the morning, I was very hot and thirsty, the porch is warmer than sleeping in the open, so I was overheating.
 I stashed my things and had a quick breakfast, then I came here.

The night before last I had a strange dream, I dreamed I was 'in rehabilitation' and that meant I was swimming and having hydrotherapy. Then I was walking along and I had a home and there was a dog with puppies and one of the puppies ran away and I caught it and decided I wanted to keep it and no-one objected, and someone offered me a job on a farm and everything was lovely.
What a lovely dream!
I don't often have lovely dreams, last night was the usual sad and bad dream, vague struggles with church and police.

Wednesday, 19 June 2013

Good morning you peeps,
Yesterday when the library closed I had a walk around, ate supper, waited for the church peeps.
The church peeps arrived for their prayers and so I borrowed their hall and their kettle and got 5 pages of work done.
Then I went for a walk and then I settled to sleep.

I woke peaceful and rested in the morning, all snug and comfy and a bit warm.
It had been due to rain in the early hours but no rain had woken me, I woke to a warm morning and a grey sky.
It is hot, with thunderstorms due, yay!

I am in the library, waiting for any news of last night's meeting.

Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Good morning peeps,
I am still mainly asleep, waking up should be illegal.

Yesterday was a bit frustrating, I think I was tired.
I spent most of the day struggling with trying to collate and post evidence, but I got overwhelmed.

In the evening I went and got my cuppa and supper, and read my book and had a brief walk, eventually I went to sleep in my blankets.
I was asleep and some people came up nearby and were talking, which was annoying.
Then I slept again and woke up this morning feeling tired and unwell.
It took me a long time to get going. I sat and read my book for a while.

Eventually I went to McD's and had a light breakfast, and by the time I had done that and had a wash, it was library time.
I am going to see all me pals in a while.

Monday, 17 June 2013

I woke at 5am yesterday morning with a nasty stomach cramp, it felt like a bubble in my stomach, I got up and went to the loo and went back to sleep.
When I woke at 8am the cramp remained. So I took IBS meds, I was on IBS meds all day because something wasn't right.

Anyway, I had to get a shower and finish packing for my journey, ready to check out at 10am.

My mediator wanted to skype but there wasn't time. I had got a bit cross and confused about what he had sent to the investigation.

I checked out and then I had to walk up the hill with my heavy backpack, I went to tea hour and had a tea and a bacon roll, then I had yet another hill to climb to the cash point.

On the way back I had a milky coffee and listened to the gossip. Then I went to the train station.
I had expected a wait as trains are only every hour, but trains were delayed or cancelled, so I was sitting there for some time, thankfully I had my book and plenty to eat and drink.

Eventually I got the train, and I was lucky it wasn't too crowded, I had a seat on my own and had my music and my book, so it was good.
I even went and hung my head out the window a while.
We got into London in the late afternoon.

I had been having chest pains all day and my fear of the crowds in London made them worse, so I took asperin, I crossed London without a problem and got straight on another train and by evening I was home, tired but ok.
I got my chip butty and cuppa and sat in my corner and read my book.
The forecast rain had moved over so it was mainly dry, just a light shower.

Eventually I tucked down, but the first night out after a week in is never very comfortable. I was asleep by midnight and woke to a rain shower at 2am, scrambled for the porch and dozed and slept lightly until 6.20am.

I got up and went for breakfast and read my book, then came here to the coffee shop.

Saturday, 15 June 2013

Hi peeps,
Well after another sudden rain shower I went out, did some shopping, had some food.
Said hi to cheerful.
Came back here and started sorting stuff out in preparation for tomorrow, watched a film, did some important writing, had a shower, etc.
All shipshape and sorted, watched some television and started my new book which is a thick and interesting book.
I had yet another skype with my mediator, and then went to soup kitchen.
There were a lot at soup kitchen but not many of my lot.
I got a pair of socks and some sandwiches and cookies which I will eat tomorrow as I journey.

One of my lot came along and she seemed happy to see me and said it was a pity I wasn't staying, but then she started a fight with some other girls.

I came back here and have continued to prepare for tomorrow, now all I need to do is wake up on time! :)
Good morning you peeps you,
Well I didn't get to sleep until late and as a result I woke up late again.
I woke and the whole world was silent except for a massive thunderstorm, you know it's illegal to let me sleep through a lovely thunderstorm, don't you!

anyway, I rolled out of bed, put the kettle on and put the computer on, and there were lots of emails, much too early in the morning for so many emails, I don't start thinking until midday.
anyway, the storm raged busily and I sleepily looked at half a ton of material that my mediator wanted me to check so he could send it.
Then I did as I was told and looked up some contact details, at least I had my first cuppa by now. :)

The storm has cleared into a beautiful sunny sky.

I have to give some of you a lecture later about safeguarding and lying, so hang on, never ever be dishonest with me about your motives because it makes me very annoyed, always be truthful.

Humpf, you sorry looking shower of peeps,
I wonder why you read my blog when I am autistic and rude.

I ended up getting some work done and talking to my mediator on skype for three quarters of an hour.

Then I was far too lively, so I went for a walk.

I walked up along the river, lots of people were out, because it is a weekend night, I didn't try to walk up death row :) I am too old for that lark these days, or maybe too sensible, perish the thought.

I am now going to argue with myself about going to sleep.

Peeps, I am staying here at the old chap's place tomorrow night as well as tonight, so I will be travelling on Sunday and will arrive at Sanctuary's shore in the pouring rain on Sunday evening and none of the churches are open :) haha, I need to get straight to work on Monday.

Those of you have just joined the blog my main 'work' as it has been for the last two years, is writing about what has happened to me.
Only these days instead of trying to write in the faint hope of being heard, I am writing like a mad thing because it all needs to be heard.

Friday, 14 June 2013

Hi peeps,
I was talking on skype for nearly an hour this morning, so I never got any breakfast, though I got a shower, but by the time I was off skype I had to hurry, up into town and then up the hill from town to the homeless outreach lunch.

I always have more trouble breathing when I am in this town, and am not sure why.
But I think the big hills and the crowds do not help.

I got to the homeless lunch and the staff looked suitably surprised and made all the right noises.
Everyone was there, and a few faces I didn't know as I have been away a year or 9 months.

The usual meal was had, soup, cuts of bread, cake, fruit, and tea with brown sugar. I love this meal, I have never kept all of it down, I think the bread and fruit mean I cannot digest it all, but I love it, especially the tea with brown sugar.
People ask where I have been and things, and several staff come and talk with me for a while.
The meal makes me very tired, almost asleep and I know that I really need medical intervention soon, because I should not be nearly losing consciousness immediately after eating a normal meal.
I sat out on a bench with my eyes closed and one of the staff came and chatted to me and various familiar faces came and said hi and bye, and everyone asked about my stick.

I walked down to my church, several people were sprawled around in the churchyard so I also sprawled as I was all in and just wanted to lie down, so I did, I ate a daisy, which is a silly thing to do as they are full of nitrogen and make you bloat huge and burp. Well, they do!

I went down to the library, tried to concentrate, too tired, walked around, too tired to shop, neither Gloomy nor Cheerful were out, someone else was on Cheerful's pitch.

I walked up the steps. V. was there, smoking something and larking around, play-fighting with everyone in sight and running down the steps, ruffling the heads of most of the gangs.

I sat on the steps and eventually V. noticed me, rubbed his dizzy eyes and came over and said 'look who's here!'
He hugged me and grinned.
I asked him what he was up to and he told me he had done two months inside for hitting his sister's ex for beating her up.
I told him what he did should be legal and had he reformed the prison while he was in?
He assured me he had, and told me he was bored.
We walked down to the shop, he said he could do with a fat joint, and I told him I thought that was what he had been smoking up there, and he laughed.
He got fags and I got a can of coke and we parted company with a hug, he said he wouldn't be at soupie as he would be going to a house party, and I said that as long as he was happy, that was what mattered. I don't think he understands that I am off again tomorrow and may never be back.

But all of my people are accounted for, and they are all fine and have been ok unsupervised while I have been away for a year.
M. told me yesterday that Ken had said that the town was a Sh*thole and had gone, Ken is always doing that, he and I both get irritated by this town sometimes but we always come back.

I was so tired that I simply came back here but I am wide awake, I just get too tired sometimes.

Good morning you peeps,
Well I knew I would sleep when I lay down last night, I didn't know I would sleep until 10am this morning, so I was obviously tired.
I slept solid and ignored my alarms, I was dreaming when I woke up. I was dreaming that I was going to a church meal, and the old people kept snubbing me. Well, this is part of life when you are poor or at any disadvantage, the old people do snub you and make you unwelcome, some denominations more than others, in this order, worst to best:

Church of England, Quakers (believe it or not), URC, Methodists, Baptists, Catholics.

Evangelicals and Charismatics do not tend to be class-conscious or exclusive, apart from Dan the Minister who is a two-faced so and so.
Baptists, Methodists and and Catholics are often inclusive, URC always have enough Christians to balance things with the old snobs of which there are plenty, but the Church of England and the Quakers are snobs and have forgotten why they themselves claim to be there.
Anyway, you know what I am like first thing in the morning, especially if I have been dreaming! :)

I am drinking my tea, I am not even dressed, I was supposed to skype my mediator earlier but I was fast asleep :)

Thursday, 13 June 2013

Hi peeps,
I am staying tonight and tomorrow night now, so I just had a sort out of my things, I am taking what I can't use or carry to the charity shop tomorrow, and I am all sorted, I even washed my socks and knickers and hung them up. Everything is in order.
Hey peeps,
I just went to the soupie, I spent some time chatting to M.
I had a cheese sandwich and chicken soup.
No sign of V.

The police have been crawling around this place today, I think the old chap had some trouble with tenants.

Well, you peeps, you.
I am tired and likely to sleep again in a minute, my sleep routine is truly shot to bits, I hope I can just nap for an hour, not sleep deeply for five hours like yesterday afternoon, then maybe I will sleep ok tonight.

I did a very small amount of work in the library as I was hot and tired, and then I decided to be on holiday some more.
Gloomy was on his pitch and he said hi, Cheerful was on his pitch and he said hi and told me a town he   recommended as a good homeless town.
The drunken immigrant who used to get kicked out of the library is all sober and housed and happy, yay.
There aren't many of mine left to account for now, just Ken and V. and I am not going to bother with the church community here because they are mainly CofE and I am tired of all of that.
I went to the daycentre, they all said hi and Martin bought me a cup of coffee, it was very quiet there and I wondered if Rudeman was even still alive, but I never ask, I always wait and if someone tells me something then that is ok, and if not then I will never know.

I tried to do some shopping but I was suddely exhausted, I got some odds and ends that I needed, and some socks, which is as far as I have got with my clothes shopping, and then I walked slowly and carefully back here to the old chap's place, I am going to have a snooze.
It is still muggy but it is trying to rain.
Well I ended up doing some work and forgot about breakfast and shower, eventually at 9.30ish I went and had a shower in the main house rather than use the one in my unit as it has a broken floor.
And even more eventually, ie just now, I got to the market and had my milky coffee and peanut butter on toast, and here I am in the library,
Good morning peeps,
I went for a walk because I wasn't sleepy,
I walked up alongside the river, all the dark silent houses in the night, I walked up and kind of thought about things in a tired way.
The mysterious fire-jugglers were down by the river, juggling fire at this silly time of night. They used to be up at the protest camp.

I walked back and it was nearly 1am, there was a couple staggering up the road, drunk, but the old chap gave them a room even though it was nearly 1am.

I tried and tried to settle to sleep, but I was too tense and lively, I am not good at settling indoors.

In the end it was 4am, getting light and the birds singing, I fell into a peaceful sleep and dreamed peacefully about the investigation and I answered questions in my sleep for 4 hours and woke at 8am.

Here I am, it is cloudy but not raining and I will go out and hopefully have more energy than yesterday.

Good morning peeps,
My sleeping routine is shot to hell, I am awake.
I can't resist including a link to a song that reminds me of one of the villains on the island who is up against me on behalf of the wrongdoers.
That will only make sense to those who really know.

I went up the road without my stick to get my supper earlier, I walked carefully and was ok, I got some apple juice and a few mini fillet burgers, yum.
I leaned on the fence and watched the river for a while, it had been raining but was still muggy, funny how the weather has swapped, they had bad weather until I arrived, while the weather had been good at sanctuary, now sanctuary has the lovely cool weather while it is warm here, humpf.

I am wide awake, so I will have a quick walk,  I know it is half past midnight but I am safe to walk here, I will come to no harm.

Wednesday, 12 June 2013

Hi peeps,
I must have been tired.
I lay down there and fell alseep this afternoon, and I only just woke up.
It is 9.20pm and I have not had supper or a shower or anything, in fact, it is nearly bed time, and I never got to soup kitchen.
I am staying here tomorrow night as well now, so that is ok.
I dreamed I was on the island with someone who is supporting me, and he was saying about bad things were there and how corrupt it all was and how he had had such a rough time.

Hi peeps,
Well I have been very tired and not hungry or even wanting a cuppa today.
I had my breakfast because the wonderful fare on the market is too good to snub when I am only here briefly, but I have been so tired and not hungry, I persuaded myself to eat a hog roast bun for lunch. This is to keep my blood sugar steady, although I get the feeling that at the moment the spike in blood sugar after eating is contributing to my problems, one day I will see a doctor.

I wandered slowly and rested a lot, after doing a little bit of work despite being 'on holiday'.
Yesterday brought up memories and I needed to record some things before the memories went.

I walked down to where Cheerful was on his pitch, he was wearing a clown hat and he cheerfully welcomed me home. There was no sign of Gloomy on any pitch.
I also saw Leo, he doesn't look homeless any more.

I was too tired to do any more, so I came back here and have been trying to rest.
Hi peeps,
I am very very tired. The lady yesterday was right when she said I probably felt ok then but if we continued I would be exhausted, I am very tired.

I had trouble persuading myself to go to bed last night, it was like arguing with a naughty child.
All the excuses, one more cuppa, one more trip to the loo.
I was hot and tense but I slept.

I woke feeling very tired and I lazed about on the bed, drinking tea and talking to my mediator on skype messenger.
Then I had a shower, and eventually came out, climbed the hill.
I got to the market, I went to the stall and they recognized me
'Tea with two? where have you been? are you still...homeless?'

The tea was strong, dangerously so, which is how it is meant to be here.
Then someone reminded me of something, milky coffee.
There is nowhere else in the world that does mugs of milky coffee like this.
So I had a milky coffee and thick slices of toast, slathered with peanut butter, ah, I am back in heaven, peeps, I have missed all this so much.

There are so many people here who I recognize, but everyone looks older.
I do not seem to have got older.

I feel sad about the gallery as I walk up the hill. I look at my old church, the wisteria is blooming and the churchyard is wild, but I do not want my old churches and church people at the moment, I am tired.
I walk over the bridge and look over the town, and I go down to the Christian shop, where I get a new crucifix and chain and saints medallions to replace the ones I lost.
I sit in the Cathedral and light a candle.

I walk back but I am so tired I have to rest.
Then I come here to the library and get a new temporary card as I lost mine a long time since and it ran out anyway.

I am not going to get much done today, I am exhausted, I will go back and sleep soon.

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Ok, peeps, this is going to be a long post.

Well last night I tried to settle to sleep, and by 1am or later, I was awake and pondering getting up again, I was hot and tense and everything was running through my head.
I fell asleep.

I woke feeling awfully comfy but too hot when my alarms went off, I went to the loo and dozed off again and was woken by my mediator tapping on the door, but by the time I had pulled some clothes on, he had gone. His room was just down the corridor, so I went and tapped on his door, but he wasn't there, so I went down to the canteen and he was sitting there sending emails.

We had a leisurely and tasty breakfast and a good natter. Hey, hey, eating as much as you like at the expense of the church of england is fun, I must do it more often! :)

Then we had loads of time, so he went to get his ticket for later and I went to have a shower and try and sort my new extra luggage out so I could carry it all.
The cleaners in the hotel were absolutely lovely, very kind and friendly, I like that, people who are not simply polite but friendly and happy.

I had a good shower and went to meet my mediator in the foyer.

We walked up to where we had to go, it was a longer walk than we thought, but funnily enough, the people who were to interview us also lost their way and so we all arrived late and started late.

Well I was terrified going in, and I dragged my feet, but the people were so nice.
So we settled down and, well, it was good, but it is just a start, there are going to be  repeats of this, as well as me continuing to write statements and produce evidence.

But, the whole thing appeared to go very well and was not too distressing. 
One of the first things the people said was that they had no doubt that the abuse happened. That is positive. But the main investigation is about how terribly the whole thing was handled, to leave me destroyed and on the streets.

I cannot describe the whole session but I managed to speak, and I managed to tell them things, this matter is a huge and complex one, and they made it clear that not only are they aware of that but that they intend to untangle it no matter what, and that is will be a huge and tough task but they intend to do it.

They were extremely kind to me and though I felt like I told them very little, they said that I had done a lot, considering, and they wanted to be careful not to push things in case I became overwhelmed, and they intend to meet with me and my mediator again and continue to work with us by email and directly. They made it clear that they believed that some serious wrong had been done. They also said that they believed I was truthful and that I am definitely not mentally ill. Yay.
I told them that I had asked my psychologist for a report, and they want a copy of that, so that is good.
I think all in all we only worked for about three and a half hours, and we had a good lunch while we were at it. 
They are to meet with the other side next week, but they have made it clear that they will not be bullied and that they will get the truth of the matter.
They also said that they had intended to meet with me by hook or by crook, which is good, because I had not known that.
I didn't become really distressed.
At the end of the time, my mediator was to stay on and discuss things further with one of the panel, so the food left over from lunch was packed into a generous doggy bag for me, and off I trotted, free and alone, to catch a tube.

This matter will go on and on for some time, and it is going to be tough, it is going to keep hurting me, and there will be bad times, so I will have to try to keep an even keel.
I am very grateful to my mediator, he is doing a marvellous job.

I caught the tube, there were delays on the underground but thankfully I managed to cross London and get to the mainline station before rush hour really kicked in.

I got a ticket and got the train.

I had a very pleasant and peaceful journey, no-one sat with me and I had food, drink, a book, my music and a lovely long distance train journey, so peaceful, so smooth.

I arrived and I found that the air here was very warm and still and kind of smoggy, almost.
I walked up and rang on the doorbell of the old chap's place, he opened the door and looked satisfyingly surprised.
'would you like your usual place?' he asked.

And so I am installed in 'my usual place' for two nights initially.
It is the same as it always was, and I am happy with that.

It is a relief to unpack my backpack and my heavy bags of food and clothes and toiletries that I have been given.
And then I put the kettle on, and made tea.
I rested and checked my emails and everything. 

Then I went out and walked up the hill and to town.

I walked up to where soup kitchen should be, nothing there.
I walked round the corner and there was what looked like soup kitchen.
I walked through the homeless people and looked to see who was there.

at first no-one noticed me and I was like a ghost.
I walked up on the steps and looked around and the blur of people turned into individuals and I looked for my lot.
M. was sitting with some others, looking sleepy but alive and in one piece, Andy and one of the ex-hostel boys was there, Jason, and other various familiar faces, good, after the sadness of last night's soupie it is good to see that some of my people are here and ok.

I stay where I am because I am waiting for M. to see me and jump out of his skin.
He obliges, rubbing his eyes and looking amazed.

He comes over and he is falling over his words and trying to tell me everything.
One of the others, another familiar face, also comes over, he is a tough guy, if you have his respect you are someone, and he greets me, which is cool, I am someone now. He and M. chat to me and I sit with a group who gather, most of them have hot pasta from what I think is the soup run, but this soup run isn't the old soup run, there is no tea, no sandwiches.

I am looking for a few of the others, Ken, Bruce, Leo, Teresa, and most of all, V. But there is no sign of them.

I walk up to see if V. is with the gangs on the steps, but there is no sign of him.I walk back down and I see that the real soup run has arrived at the normal place, the other soup run is one of a few new charity things.
I walk down to soup run, the staff recognize me immediately. I stand away beside the wall because I am not really hungry or in need, but they come over to me, bringing me food and hot drinks, asking how I have been and where I have been.
Bruce arrives, he is gabbling and grabbing food and shoving it in his mouth, still gabbling, a desperate and hungry man.
I stand with him and try to hear what he says, he says my name coherently and I understand enough of what he says to gather that his is just out of prison again and is sleeping in a greenhouse, he is not happy with the greenhouse as it is dirty and he has OCD. He asks about me, what I am doing and where I have been, and I tell him, and so we chat. Bruce has been dealt a terrible hand in life and I feel tremendously sorry for him, he is seriously mentally ill and gets into a lot of trouble but it seems that no one can do anything for him, so he is in and out of prison and never seems to get the care he needs, he always goes from prison or cells to the streets, and he has OCD so he hates sleeping rough.

There was no sign of V. or Ken, or any of the girls I know, there are some new girls.

Then a fight breaks out, an addict accuses a hostel boy of threatening a girl and he punches him in the head, a big fight starts and the soup run staff say they will call the police, I move off, M. comes to where I move to.
He and I stay out the way and chat, he tells me no-one knows how lonely he has been while I have been away, I tell him I know, and that is why I am here, I tell him he and the others have been in my thoughts a lot and that is why I am back. He likes that.
And I do indeed feel the loneliness that he feels, I have missed them, especially V. my dear and honourable street brother. 
I tell M. That I will be there at soup run tomorrow, he is delighted that I am staying around, he hugs me and he kisses his hand and presses his hand to mine and then we part company and I head back alone.

Here I am, back in my old hideout, I have loads of food, toiletries and tea! I am very happy.
and tomorrow, guess where I will be going? I will go to tea hour. I will drink tea strong enough to stand a spoon up in and I will have a bacon roll, and I will listen to all the gossip and see who is around.
It is lovely to be here, I owe a deep debt of gratitude to this town, they saved me, they rebuilt a shattered human being into someone who could cope with life again, and I am grateful. This is one of my homes and oh, peeps, this is lovely.
Glory to God! Hallelujah! 

Monday, 10 June 2013

Hi Peeps,
Well my poor mediator managed to get online and locate me, I was grumping crossly in the Brightish Library, my old haunt, do you remember? my long ago adventures on the streets of London.

Anyway, the mediator managed to entice me to the hotel with the offer of some nice food.
So I was enticed, I ate curry and drank pepsi and then I felt better and all was well and we tried to chat but he is a bit deaf and I have dysphasia and the canteen was being hoovered.

Anyway, we agreed it was a very basic hotel for the price and we remenisced about how the Bishop who destroyed me used to check into £1000 a night hotels.

Then I went to my room and had a shower while he did his emails.
I felt better for having had a shower and explored the room.
I tell you, peeps, that guesthouse I sometimes stay in is well worth the money compared to this, but never mind, even this is luxury for me.

Then we went out to look for a comfortable cafe to sit and chat, but there are not many comfortable cafes around here, so we sat in the corner of a food hall and had a coffee and chatted.

Then he went over to somewhere near Hyde Park to see his daughter, and I went up to a certain food run to see who of my old pals is still alive and around.
The food run was running as normal but all of my closest pals were absent, there were a few familiar faces, but my beloveds are either moved on, housed, dead or in prison and often no-one knows which, such is the way of things.

So, I wandered around and stayed on the edge, one girl shouted me over and I sat by her, she put her hands in mine and asked if I was new, I told her that I had been here, but years since, because I had been moving on all these years.
She gave me a hug, and we stayed there together and talked about our sorrows, such is the way of our life, only a street person can understand, the well meaning church people do not, and for a long time now I have needed my street brothers and sisters and the comfort they bring.

The food run arrived, but not one of the staff remembered me, it is years since I was there, broken and traumatized beyond anything and unlikely to live, years since the days when B. would fill my cup with tea over and over and count how many cups he could get me to drink. God bless him, wherever he is.

Sadly, tonight there is no tea, for the first time in the history of this longstanding food run, someone forgot to make the tea. So there is only orange juice. So much for anticipation and the good old days! Just my luck!

But thankfully the traditional boiled eggs and goody bags are still going strong, and there are sandwiches, though no cream cheese ones like there used to be. There are toiletries as well, so I stock up.

I say goodnight to my friends and melt back into the night, I hope B. is alive and not in some lonely London cemetery, but I will never know. A joyful and sorrowful reunion.

I headed back to the hotel, stopping to get some ingredients for cuppa tea, as there is never much in a hotel room.

I make my cuppa tea, it is impossible to log onto the internet up there, so here I am at midnight in a hotel foyer, this reminds me of something long ago in my early homeless days as I fled the church who I am to meet with tomorrow.

Anyway, as I had my cuppa tea, my mediator returned, looking very tired, he brought me a bag of books, clothes and toiletries that his daughter had put together for me, very generous, I am now getting laden down with new things.
My mediator was so tired he has gone to his room to sleep now, but I think I will buzz nortily around for most of the night, just cos I can.
Haha. caffeine! :) :) catch me if you can! :)

Tomorrow I will be executed, so I may as well have fun in the meantime! :)

Good morning peeps,
I slept but I am tired.

I read my books yesterday, sitting in the churchyard, so the church people doing youth group thought I might need feeding, so they fed me. Tasty burger and salad :)

Then I read my book and had a brief walk.
Then I tucked down and slept silent and peaceful through the night. I wandered out of bed at about 7am and did the usual, and then I broke my routine and sat and sorted my backpack out and rebagged my bedding rather than going straight to McD's.

Then I came here to the coffee shop. Never mind breakfast, I can have that on Friday instead.
I am walking without a stick right now, but if I am going further afield I must remember the stick, because it is the extra walking and tiredness that causes me to fall. I should have taken my stick on Friday.

Sunday, 9 June 2013

Hi peeps,

I wandered in and out of the churches and was busily fed cups of tea by random church people who know my name and my tea habit.

Then I settled down and read my books. Eventually I ate some lunch and a bit later I went seeking a pot of tea.
I found a street church busily doing a service and they reminded me of my beloved shouty people so I allowed them to borrow me.
Then I had my pot of tea.
Here I am, drinking tea.

I will go back to my books soon.
Oh peeps, I love my life and my peeps, and I am terrified of the day coming when this is all taken off me.
I am happy.

Apart from the horror beyond belief of what is going on with the church of england. If only God would simply literally smite them, the whole lot and leave me to settle quiet and peaceful and simply not wake up one day, just peacefully slip from being where I am happy to not waking up.

I am asking to not go ahead with Tuesday.
I cannot do any more, peeps, I fought as hard as I could but I was wiped out by that meeting on Tuesday, because despite being told it was nothing to do with me, I was slandered and damaged by it.
and the backlash never ends, both here, with the stress affecting those who are trying to help me, and there as they continue relentlessly to slander me.
I am defeated and I want this to end. There is no way I can get my side of things accross.

The sun is shining and shortly I will return to reading my books.

Good morning peeps,
I survived a night in my friend's house, and she wasn't being too nocturnal, so I slept ok.
I dreamed I was mentoring a troubled young woman who got into police trouble.

I woke up a bit hot a few minutes ago, and my friend was cleaning the flat but she is doing me some tea and toast.
I want to go and sit on my bench soon.

I am still bewiildered.

Saturday, 8 June 2013

Good evening you oddly peep-shaped life forms,

I feel like hell.
I feel like bursting into tears every few minutes.

I think I will go to sleep in a minute.

I am at my friend's house. She invited me round for a bath earlier and fed me pizza and pudding.
I am clean and fed, she offered me to stay for the night and I said yes but I wanted to go out for hobble first.

I walked up to church and some of my church-shaped peeps were busy at church and chatted to me, then my friend came up as well, to get some flowers from the church garden to press.

She went home and I stayed out a while.
Then when the others went, so did I.
I came back to my friend's house and here I am on the sofa, I will sleep here, I think my friend has gone to bed.
Well I ended up having tea and cake with the church people and chatted to them. That helped me a lot, and then I went to lunch wiv all me pals. We had a good lunch and the guy who was serving gave me double helpings of everything :) nice roasty dinner.

Then i went back and chattered to the church people and that cheered me up.

Peeps, I don't think I can give evidence, there is no point. There is nothing I can gain from it.
Hi peeps,
when I got back yesterday I spent an hour in the library and then went and read my book and had some supper.
Then I tucked down to sleep, my pet mosquito came and buzzed by my ear, that is becoming part of the routine, I always try to swat him.
I slept quiet and peaceful through the night though I felt sad and anxious.
I woke up and was thankful that I stood with little difficulty and was able to walk.
I am still walking with the stick, my leg isn't ok but I can walk, I think the ligaments took a wrench.
The other leg is angry where I grazed it, it is infected a bit.

I went to the coffee shop, didn't get breakfast, just sat with a cuppa, and then to the supermarket to get some knickers. Then I had a wash.
I went up to the church and some people were there because they have a working party there today. But I can't help because my leg is bad.
The lady told me I should come and have tea and cake at 11am, so I will.

Here I am, I have not had breakfast so my anti-histamine tablet is threatening to make me vomit. But at least I washed myself and changed my teeshirt.

God this is all so hard and painful.

Friday, 7 June 2013

Hi peeps,
I have been asked to put the blog back online.
I kind of feel like leaving it offline and walking into the darkness alone.

But never mind.

I didn't get much work done yesterday, and in the end I went and sat quietly and read my book.
Then I tucked in my blankets and slept.

At 5am it started raining hard and thunder was crashing around, ooh, a thunderstorm! :)
I was still dozy so I wandered into the porch with my top blanket and went back to sleep as the thunder shook the heavens beautifully and very loudly, but I am a sleepyhead in the mornings so I slept until 7am and then got up as the storm continued and I packed my bedding up and headed for McD's for breakfast, and then to the coffee shop.

I was going to catch the 9am train but I logged onto the internet and there the war was once again raging busily, with me being slandered and hurtful rubbish being posted.
So I ended up trying to sort that out.

In the end I caught the midday train and got in in time to have a cuppa before going to see my psychologist.
The psychology session was helpful and very much needed as I was very upset.
The psychologist is writing a report for my mediator.

I managed to get a seat on the rush hour train home, and even when i changed trains I still got a seat.
I fell when I reached home. My bad leg gave way and I fell and grazed my good knee and hurt my hands slightly. So I am walking with a stick again.

The tension is unbearable.
On Monday I go to London and meet with my mediator, we are staying in a hotel, where I will run lots of hot water and use lots of soap, and then Tuesday is the dreaded day.
I feel defeated.

Thursday, 6 June 2013
I wish this was over
and I could lay the backpack down

and run and jump and spin in crazy circles
and forget how tired and painful it has been

I wish this was over
and I could rest quiet

nothing left to think about
nothing left to hurt about

I wish it was time
to go down to sanctuary's shore

Good morning peeps,

Yesterday I was getting concerned about how low my blood sugar was and I was also getting caffeine withdrawal and was hungry, so I was getting concerned by the time the library closed.

I walked around, there is little hope of collecting six stickers during the day in this town, the early morning when everyone has a coffee on the way to work is when I am most likely to get stickers.
So no stickers, but I found a pack of trifle sponges in a bin. How random.
I went up to my corner and ate the trifle sponges and took some paracetamol with caffeine. Which helped with the headashe.
It still wasn't quite enough so I went through my stashpack and found some wet old fuel tablets and put them in the sun to dry, I found a pack of noodles and some coffee and sugar, it was very hard work getting the fire going as my lighters were out of fuel and I had no matches and there were no lighters lying about in the roads.

I managed to get the stove lit, and boiled water and added coffee and lots of sugar and poured it all into a bottle and shook it up, then I put the noodles to cook and added the sauce sachet.
The coffee without milk was certainly drinkable and the noodles went down very well. So I had managed adequate caffeine and food. I also found two random ginger biscuits stowing away in my backpack, I ate them for it.
I sat and read my book until bed time and I lay down and was asleep and slept through the night, dreaming at one point that I had a home and a job and a car and some random man called Mark in the spare bedroom and some kids and cats who brought mice in.

I woke in a bright clear early morning and wandered dozily out of bed. The good thing about the summer blanket pile is that it is easier to pack and stash.

I wandered to town and yes, my money was in, so I had a fat breakfast.

Wednesday, 5 June 2013

I went looking for food. There was an apple in my stashpack, it was busily turning itself into cider when I pounced and ate what was edible of it.
I couldn't get anything else to eat.

I sat for a long time in the shade in the town centre, listening to conversations as people walked past.
I sometimes long to run after them and say 'hang on, I want to know the rest'.

I cant do anything while I am this hungry, I cannot write statements or do anything.

The Vagabonds:

In a land where people are polite
and the air is pure

I met the Vagabonds
the homeless travellers

I liked the Vagabonds
so I stayed a while alongside them

although I am one alone
I was happy for honest company

at night we would drink hot tea 
by the light of the stove

and they would talk well into the night
while I slept in my blanket

sometimes it is good
to have other people on gaurd

they kept watch and I slept 
safe and sound

and we linked arms 
and were family

us homeless and ragged
poor and desparate people

It was sad to leave them 
when I was called to Sanctuary

but they are in my heart 

Last night I dreamed I was standing there
Up on the ledge where I used to wait

As you all gathered around and about
waiting for the soupie

I dreamed you were all there
my streets brothers and sisters

but I stayed quiet as I used to
stood alone as I used to

I dreamed you saw me
grinned as you used to 

you came running and 
leaped up on the ledge

and everyone came
and gathered round

as if I had never been away
on my long lone journeys

I miss you guys
as I walk alone

and I want to see you 
one last time

because time is running low
Good morning peeps,

Well yesterday evening I was increasingly tense as I had no food and I was worried about that meeting which went ahead last night.

I went to church but the old vicar was in a  mood and would not even stand still to talk, so never mind him praying about anything. I ended up staying for Bible study, which wasn't very interesting this time. I ended up very discouraged and low.

So I went for my walk and then tried to sleep but I was tense, I didn't sleep deeply, I dreamed a lot.
I woke this morning at about 7am, it was a clear morning and the fat spider who has been biting me was crawling around, I am sure he is to blame, spider bites are bad because they contain poison and don't heal quick, I have several now, stoopid fat spider, I will swat him one day.

Anyway, I knew it was a thin day, with no prospects of food or hot drinks, but despite this and having not eaten since yesterday lunchtime, I felt ok, I had no symptoms of hypoglycemia, I didn't even feel hungry, but I know hypoglycemia can hit like a bomb and make me faint, so I decided defeatedly to go and search for food and stickers.
I was in luck, I found sugar sachets and ate one of those, then I found a bottle of lucozade, isn't it funny how those turn up when I need them?
I also gathered enough pennies and tuppences for a pack of 23p biscuits from the small supermarket where they are kind and accept the small change.
I found enough stickers for a cup of tea and so I had tea and ate half the biscuits for breakfast, the rest are for lunch.

I don't know the full story of the meeting but the faint whisper is that the person who has been stirring the trouble got a slight kick in the teeth. That is a rumour.

It would seem that I am giving evidence on Tuesday next week.

Tuesday, 4 June 2013

Hi peeps,
I went to see all me pals, and I was thankful that the group let me have another meal on credit and lots of hot drinks and cold drinks, they even sent me away with a bottle of fizzy pop, which is good because the weather is very hot.

Missing you:
Good morning you peeps,
what are you doing? and if so, why?

Yesterday I went looking for food, I found two very old apples and a tin of choona in my stashpack, and while I was there I tidied up my stashpacks and got rid of a lot of rubbish and also half my bedding because it is now summer and I wanted to minimise my use of the store-hedge in order to keep the gardener happy as I make holes in his hedge and he is very patient about it.

So that was all sorted and I had had a bit to eat but it was hot and town was crowded and I nearly fainted looking for another sticker and not finding one, I hadn't got any writing done, so I returned to the library, and the Vicar sent me an email saying that he had left some money for my cuppa teas hidden somewhere, so I set off on the treasure hunt, located the money and drank tea, I also ate some food as the money was enough for a spot of food.

So I felt better but didn't get much work done before the library closed.

I went and sat on the bench, and along came the Vicar with some biscuits, he is a handy vicar so he is, but I was worried something and I told him and he reassured me and he and the other church people had a meeting but he made me a cuppa and let me sit in one of the empty rooms and I did some statement.

Then at the end of the evening I went for my walk and then tucked down in the summer blanket pile, which I am not used to so it seems cold and uncomfortable yet but it is better than overheating in the winter blanket pile.
I slept but I dreamed a lot, I dreamed of going to London, I was supposed to go with my friend btu her husband had a cold, and so I was going alone, driving a lorry, and then there was a crash in the opposite lane on the M25 and I went down some steps to have a look and I had to carry my lorry back up the steps, haha.

I woke up in a clear beautiful morning with the birds tweeting and fluffling about nearby.

I stashed and headed to McD's and had a light breakfast and tea with the remainder of the money I was given by the Vicar.
I had a brief wash and a brief walk, can't let a spring tide go to waste you know.

and here I am.

Praying contingent, please pray that the group let me have another lunch on credit today, I don't want to try their patience but I haven't enough money and I already owe them for last Tuesday and Saturday.
Also and very importantly, pray about the meeting tonight that is trying to prevent the investigation.
Thanks peeps, have a good day! :)

Monday, 3 June 2013

Good morning peeps,
we are thankfully back in the land of the weekday, weekends are so harsh.

On Saturday after the library I went to lie down on my blanket and read books.
I ate my tub of scraps and I had got a can of soft drink with the last of my money.
Later that evening I was sitting on the bench, too tired  and the Vicar came along, he said he had been hoping I would be around, we went in church because there was a can of tuna in the kitchen and he let me make several cups of tea while he chatted, he is very good at recounting stories.

Then it was nearly bed time and the Vicar went to finish his sermon and I went and read my book and then fell into my blankets, but I was tense and not feeling too good, I had got tense from low blood sugar and after a certain point I don't get better as soon as I have food.

I dozed but felt ill.
Then I got a fright

Three youths jumped over the wall near me!

Thankfully they seemed not to see me at all, but wandered off, they must have been drunk because no-one needs to jump the wall, walking round it is simple enough.
My protection prayer every night says 'protect me from all evil, hide me from all eyes'.
And these guys were so close but did not see me.

I was very tense after that! But they didn't come back, nor did I move, I fell asleep.

I woke briefly when the world had gone dark and quiet and I slept again but not deeply, I was tense and in increasing pain.

I woke in the morning and went looking for that elusive sixth sticker but I was still tired.
I didn't find a sticker when i looked, but I found a pound coin instead.

I wondered if I should get a cuppa or a bagel with the £1.
I decided on the bagel from McD's as that was sensible, so I got my bagel and sat eating it, and as I did, a couple put their McD's cups in the bin with stickers still on them, so I fished the stickers out when they went and I got my cuppa.

Then I went and sat in the shade by church and read my book and waited for church people to arrive, which they did and they put the kettle on and fed me tea and biscuits.

I sat outside the main church and listened to the service and drank tea.
Then I drank more tea, and coffee, and begged the spare biscuits for my lunch and the lady gave me two bananas and the leftover milk as well.
I went to Tesco and used my emergency change for a cheap swiss roll, and so I had bananas and milk and swiss roll and biscuits for lunch and afternoon snack. But no tea, I got up to five stickers again but no sixth sticker.

I had to dash for the loo a few times, this diet upsets my stomach and I was feeling ill from getting low blood sugar on Saturday as well. When it gets like that, no meds help, not co-codamol, nothing.

Anyway, the church had a praise service in the evening, so they put the kettle on.
I drank tea.

I actually went in for the praise service as it was not crowded, but as well as enjoying the service, it did bring flashbacks.

After the service I got another cuppa and the Vicar found me a tin of pasta and cheese, which I ate cold and it was very tasty, I want some more of that delicious stuff! :) maybe I can swap my cheese and pretzel habit for a cold pasta habit :)

Then I had a walk with my music and then settled to sleep.
I used a bag of blankets as my pillow as the hard backpack wasn't helping with the pain, and then I just slept soundly all night and woke up tired but not in any pain.

I searched everywhere for another sticker but didn't find one, that shit who attacked his wife with a machete was out taking all the stickers even though he has a home to go to.#

I used the last of my emergency change for a cheap swiss roll at Tesco.
I went and sat by church until the monday group arrived and did me a cuppa.

Then I came here and life is back to normal except that I have to survive today, tomorrow and Wednesday with very little food or access to hot drinks.

Saturday, 1 June 2013

Hi peeps,
I was getting increasingly dizzy and drowsy and starting a migraine for lack of blood sugar so I went to the community group and they let me have lunch on credit.
I had a good meal and seconds and thirds and several cups of tea and coke.
They also gave me a small tub to fill with leftovers to take with me :)

It is deathly hot out there, very summer, I am counting the days to winter just as I count the hours to evening when things cool down and become more shady.
Those of you who don't know, I am mildly allergic to sunlight and can lose a lot of skin to allergy blisters in the summer, just from being out in the sun and I am also heat sensetive and find this weather very difficult, even though everyone loves it.

I woke up with a bite on my hand this morning, something had rudely chomped my hand in the night, this is another misery I have to endure for the next three months, thing that go bite in the night! :)
Good morning peeps,
I went to the church last night and the Vicar had brought some milk and biscuits so I could make tea, I had got some half price milk as well so there was plenty of milk for tea.

I had some tea and washed myself and my hair and attempted to glue my boot a bit better and then I sat and did some writing, it was almost bed time when I left church and went to read my book before tucking down to sleep.

I woke briefly in the night and everything was dark and silent, no revellers, no shouts, just dark and silence.
I slept again, I dreamed that someone knew where I slept and they had a put a pot plant beside me as I slept just to prove they knew I was there, very amusing.
I woke in the early morning, the sun was shining and the burds were burding around busily.

I got up and stashed the bedding and headed for McD's for a cuppa with the last of the money.
I sat and read my book and drank my tea, tried to have a wash  but couldn't be bothered and went and cut my nails and tried to deal with a sore on my foot.

It was very breezy earlier but is turning into a sunny day.

I am hungry, I hope that the group let me have my meal on credit today or I will die.