A survivor of Church abuse and cover ups goes on battling for her voice to be heard. A daily account of life after the Diocese of Winchester destroyed her and the slow and painful steps to rebuilding a life.
Introduction
This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/
The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.
The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.
Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP
Saturday, 15 October 2011
It is always stressful moving to a new town and finding your feet, getting to know the do's and dont's and what the police are like, where to go for help, the atmosphere, how to make sure you have enough to eat and drink.
In the early days there are usually sleepless nights and trying to find safety and shelter,
I walked across Blackfriars bridge in the early morning soon after arriving in London, I felt very vulnerable alone on the bridge, I phoned the samaritans as I walked, when I reached the other side of the bridge I found and all night shop and cafe, I sat down to conclude my conversation and a police car drew up, I was terrified because I thought they were going to ask why I was out at that time of night, but they ignored me and went into a cafe, some time later I was dozing in a corner further up the road and two police officers walked past me and ignored me, I was so on alert and expecting to be questioned, but in London they don't do that.
That early morning I walked up to the millenium bridge and stood on it and watched a fishing boat go out in the dark, I tried to block the memories that I always try to block because I would just break down if I had to remember. But it was amazing standing alone in the world on the cold dark bridge with the lights of London all around.
I kept walking, I ended up at Victoria, I didn't really know or understand the hostility towards homeless people in Westminster or the extent of the homelessness and drink and drug problems in that area so I went into a restaurant and asked for a drink of water, I was turned away in a seriously rude manner, here I am sick with a fever and being sick and they wont spare a drink of water. So I kept walking and I found a bottle of spring water almost full in the doorway of an office block, so I took it, this way of life is risky, there could be any amount of infections on bottles of water or other food I pick up.
I go to one daycentre, I am discouraged when i see that there are hundreds of people qued up to go in, but I quickly learn that this is the norm and that a lot of them go to register for showers immediately, so it is easy to get a cup of tea, such as it is, real army tea out of urns, standing in the que for breakfast is more difficult due to me not being able to stand easily and the immigrants being too close, too pushy and too smelly, excuse my rudeness in mentioning it, but a cooked breakfast of sorts is worth it.
The daycentre staff take me under their wing and arrange a housing appointment, oh God, no, how do I get out of this pointless useless humiliating exhausting process? but I go along with them for the sake of it.
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