This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Monday, 30 April 2018


Good evening peeps,

A quick update as articles to write are flooding in and I will be writing until midnight and up very early in the morning.

Anyway. I slept dreamlessly and without waking during the night, and woke feeling cozy and a bit surprised this morning.

Almost immediately the car's best friend was in touch, the supplier had the part, so I was straight over there, driving Max with care.

The car's best friend told me to go for a 40 minute walk while he did the work. I have nothing against 40 minute walks except that my walking has deteriorated and I was struggling as I walked.

That is why the next thing was rather stunning. Anyway, it was raining and I was rained off work, and texts about gardening and all sorts were bombarding my phone, so I couldn't believe it when a text came through that said 'I've got the blue bike!'.

Yes. We have captured that very naughty blue bike, the star of various stories, and on Wednesday, the blue bike will be returned to me, and as you remember, the blue bike halted the deterioration in walking before, by strengthening my legs and back, while giving me mobility and freedom. The blue bike is coming back, and hopefully can do the same again, I feel very happy, my friends who have been looking out for a bike for me will be happy.

So, Max was fixed, and the car's best friend reckons that we can get Max through one more MOT, if we can get the electrical fault set for the MOT :) woohoo!

As you can imagine, I feel quite happy.

Anyway. So rained off, I came home to get on with writing work, and one company is doing a massive run of short articles, so I wrote and wrote until I had to go to my driving shift and got six articles in, and I expected all the articles to be taken when I got home, but last count there were 29 and I am writing one now, so, I will get a good payout this week.

The driving shift was brisk this evening but poor tips, and I only worked a few hours, Mondays you can get away with two drivers for half the shift and one for the later half, and I like finishing early.

Sunday, 29 April 2018


Good evening peeps,

This morning I woke from a dream where the church had forced me into court again to have me condemned, imprisoned and flung out homeless, but in the dream, instead of what has happened in the past, the judge listened to me and took my side against the church, I woke feeling better, I like compensation dreams, they are better than the usual nightmares, my dreams have been vivid recently, although I am not taking 5HTP, and with the new pillow, I am sleeping reasonably well. Yesterday morning the dream I woke for was about my friends on the cliffs, we were having a lovely time and we were so happy.

I have a few viewers onboard looking for an update, and probably wondering what has happened to Max. Don't worry.

Yesterday I had a quiet day, at home, doing chores, reading, watching movies, and in the evening I went to do an evening shift.
Max was rattling a bit, and of course I worry, but I told myself it was just his age and my mechanic nags me about worrying, until nearly 8pm.
Which is when his exhaust midsection blew, and started dragging on the road!

Thankfully I was on a small quiet street, having done one delivery and on the way to another.
It was still fairly light, so I pulled over and looked, and I got my twine and clippers and tied the exhaust to stop it dragging, I had to lie alongside the road to do this, and it was a small street so I hoped for no traffic, when I heard a car coming up at speed (in the 30 zone) I faced it and put up my hand. and oh, it happened to be a big police cruiser. I nearly had a heart attack, but it was on its way to a nearby incident, so I didn't get a clip round the ear.
Normally I would be wearing a hi viz jacket, but it was actually in the wash at home, I have to wash everything, even the viz vests, because I get allergic asthma. A bout of which is troubling me as I write.

Anyway, with the exhaust tied, I limped the other delivery and went to cash up and then came home.

The car's best friend will fix Max in the morning if the suppliers have the parts we need.

Today was planned for writing anyway, and I have been writing, doing a lot of admin chores, finishing my Stephen King book, catching up with all the Hollyoaks I have missed, and more chores, so I didn't need to go out. All my washing is dry, but tomorrow looks like heavy rain, so it doesn't matter if Max is in for repair as I can't do any gardening anyway. Hope to be on duty for the evening shift though.
So I will write some more tomorrow, more articles, blogs, and  more book planning.

Saturday, 28 April 2018


Good afternoon peeps,

I am just working on the usual weekend tasks, my landlord has gone off to the land or cheap booze and ladies in bikinis for the week, so I am home alone and thus doing lots of cleaning, tidying, washing, etc. The weather is damp and grey, the clouds keep leering at my washing on the line.

I have been writing, articles in, articles accepted, but not enough for a payout this week, but there will be next week.
I have been working as usual.
And I had an unexpected and nice day out when my PIP assessment was postponed.

Apart from that, just the usual lifestyle, three jobs, gardening, driving and writing. I haven't felt much like updating this blog, don't know why, maybe because I have been working on the other blogs.

Tuesday, 24 April 2018


Good evening peeps,

I must write this assignment. But I love my book too much to put it down!

On Sunday I decided I needed fresh air, so I moseyed down the old car boot sale and rootled.

There were TWO stalls selling Stephen Kin books at 50p each. I wasn't greedy, I got myself two books, maybe I should have got more but I get worried about spending money on luxuries.

I was looking for gardening tools and equipment, and the car boot can be a good source, although you have to check the handles for safety. Take it from a gardener who has seen one person die as a result of damaged tool handles, but anyway, there was nothing I wanted or needed among the tools, but I found a new wallet at last! I have a problem with wallets, and my problem is that I hate having things in my pockets and cannot cope with a large wallet, it has to be a small one but big enough, and the one I have had for years has been broken for years, the zips gone, so I was pleased to get one I can cope with, for 50p. Then I treated myself to a small ice cream, and guess what? It clouded over and the temperature dropped.

But anyway, it means I have been glued to a book since Sunday, not literally, but nearly. I am halfway through and it is a very tasty book. Good books are like a banquet. Have I been to a banquet? Yes.

Anyway, the farm has new pigs now the winter is gone, they are not teeny, they are weaners and they honk and skitter around in their shed. I like pigs. The new hens are running free in the duck paddock and roost in the arc, but the old hens like to walk and forage alongside them on the other side of the fence, so I wonder if they will be integrated at some point, only the new hens don't know the barn, so they might try to roost in the arc if they are.

I had another bad night but got up without being really tired this morning. I went to work at the property managers' house, I paced myself because I know I have to, but I got a lot done and I was keen to do a good job. It started raining as I finished, and I decided to treat myself to a meal and an hour or so of reading in town, so I did.

Then I came home, got on with writing for an hour, and went out on delivery driving shift.
The shift was dead again, only a few deliveries, so I read my book and used a coffee voucher for a free coffee, and finished early.

Tomorrow I have my lovely disabled lady to help, and then the care home. And I do have a short assignment due in.


Good morning peeps,

I should already be at work but I am being a bit lazy.

I didn't update yesterday as I was tired, and the church of england and their associated thugs have been a nuisance again.

Yesterday was a cloudy day, unspecial. I went and worked on the farm, mainly digging, planting, replanting, general odds and ends. They were home and happy with the work, the mowing is all done as well. As I worked, a man came round who used to stay on the farm some years ago, he asked if I knew what had happened to the old farmer, and I did, I told him that sadly the old farmer had passed away, I knew that from another local retired farmer, anyway, I got this man to go and have a good old chat with the current farm owners who I work for, as they are always happy to help, so he had a coffee and a chat with them.

Then the DWP started sending me stupid texts, they can annoy you from anywhere these days. So I stormed home at lunchtime and told them off by email.

Then I went and did another garden, one of older ladies, finally getting the mowing done there, as well as some weeding and things, she was happy to see the grass mowed.

Then from there it was pretty much straight to delivery driving, a quick stop at a cafe for a tea and a few pages of my book.

The delivery shift was dead. I had one delivery in two and a half hours, and my fellow driver had two. So they sent me home at 8pm, and I was tired but somehow I occupied myself for several hours when I got home, without seeming to get anything done, not even the blog. Oh I did have a shower though.

I had another bad night's sleep, it isn't trauma, as far as I know, although I am having a run of flashbacks, but no nightmares, no actual flashbacks keeping me awake, I am just awake a lot. I think it is the pillows, and I am collecting my new orthapedic pillow today.

Right, better go and work. It's going to rain later, I have one big garden, and I am working this evening.

Sunday, 22 April 2018


Good morning peeps,

It is Sunday, and as you know, I am back on sabbatical. Sabbatical is where I stop attending church for a while so that the trauma doesn't overwhelm me. At least half of the year is sabbatical.

The sun is shining like mad, a real contrast to yesterday.

Yesterday was gloomy and misty but breezy, so I washed the bed linens and put them out to dry.
In the afternoon I checked them and they were nearly dry, so I decided that I would leave them for another hour and get them in before my delivery shift.

It started pouring with rain!

I grabbed the washing and hung it up in my room.

I went to the supermarket on the way to my delivery shift, and got groceries, seeing as I had a £15 voucher.

The delivery shift was busy, and the thunderstorms moved in. It was quite exciting, driving through the torrential rain in the dark, with the thunder and lightning all around. I had a good shift and came home, but the storms continued well into the night, and I was too excited to go to bed, so I had the blind open and sat in the dark, watching the lightning and drinking my cocoa.

The lightning was strange because above us it was constant sheet lightning but over the hills and sea it was fiery forks of lightning. A lot of them were orange, not white. There were local lightning strikes, and one was quite serious.

I got a good video of the storm but that won't post on here so I will post one of my not brilliant pictures.

Saturday, 21 April 2018


Good morning peeps,

I was dreaming about Jersey. I dreamed that I finally came home, and Philip Bailhache was doing an angry and embarrassed speech to the States about stepping down, and he didn't look pleased to see me. Me and some others sneaked into the States chamber and took some computer stuff.
It was great to be home though.

Anyway, as you know, I got sick on Wednesday, the day before the London run, (not the London Marathon), but I forged ahead with my journey, wish I hadn't, I was so tired and ill.

I survived London but didn't get any of my usual enjoyment out of it.

I came home and have been ill since, still not 100%.

When I get sick it is like having a full-body migraine, usually lasts the same length of time as a migraine, but this time, probably because of London, it has been Wednesday to today, the weather hasn't helped.

Yesterday I went and did a few hours at the care home, but it was so hot, and I felt so ill. I came home, cancelled the driving shift, and went back to bed.

I am still tired but hopefully I can do some writing and things, and do a driving shift this evening.

Wednesday, 18 April 2018


Good evening peeps,

My arm hurts, the rest of me hurts, but not as bad as earlier.

Last night was a mad shift because the full time driver wrote his car off in a crash, so I hadn't done pain management between heavy gardening and a mad shift, and it is hardly surprising that I woke in pain in the night. But I slept again, and woke in the morning in some pain.

I had the farm first thing, so I headed for work, not looking forward to it, but I need to go on working as best I can.

When I got to the farm, the farm man was there to help me with the tractor, but he was on about me trying to stay in my temporary lodgings permanently and was on about how I should ask, he and his wife really care about my wellbeing, and although I like the lodgings well enough, I think the farm man is being a bit over-confident.

The tractor's battery was indeed flat, so the man took it to charge it and sent me to the petrol station to fill the jerrycan up with petrol.

So, time went on that, oh but I had fun, the petrol station is a few miles from the farm, and I had a lollypop in my car, so I stuck it in my mouth and went to fill the jerrycan, expecting the clerks at the petrol station to shout through the loudspeaker 'put that fag out!' but they didn't, they just grinned when I went to pay with a lolly in my mouth. The jerrycan is a big heavy one.

I got back and got on with the strimming, strimmed the other orchard, the verges the garden fences. Then without the tractor, I had to get the heavy push mower and mow, one orchard, the small grass areas near the greenhouse (no strimming there, it costs too much in windows!), and the areas round the veg patch. By this time it was coming up to 12 and I was in too much pain.

So I finished at 12, gobbled painkillers, let the farm know when I would be back to continue, and went down to the sea for lunch to see if I would feel better, but I felt worse.
So I called the next customer and postponed to next week, came home and went to bed.
It is bad being ill because of my work, I don't want to give up, but it is worse being ill just before the London run, I think you can imagine I am all in a tizz over that as usual. London. Ooh.

So, I stayed in bed the afternoon and tried to sleep, and had loads of fluids, painkillers, pain management and things. And got up this evening feeling better.
I have put my writer's hat and driver's hat on the shelf, and I have put my London hat on.
I did get calls earlier asking me to work driving, but they need to respect my boundaries, they took my work away at the end of January and left me destitute to give the work back to the full time driver, and now he has wrecked his car, they are asking me to work every day. Nope, Max is old and I am sick and disabled.

Anyway, I got my washing in, nipped out for some groceries, and am now just starting to pack for London. I am still aching, but not too much. The sudden hot weather hasn't helped, I don't do well with heat.

Oh guess what I am getting. I have the heavy machine for my neck, and have used it extensively, but today the pain is bone-deep, but I am getting a machine for my legs too, to hopefully help with the swelling in the joints.

Tuesday, 17 April 2018


Good evening peeps,

I slept better last night, the only dream I remember is an old friend telling me to write a certain book, and as a great encourager of my writing, it is tempting to take his advice, even the book he said I should write is a possibility, it is just a question of pulling it from the dreamworld into a real world structure, it isn't such a bad idea, even if I am swamped with things to do.

Anyway, so I was wide awake and ready to go and do some work, even if it was heavy work, unfortunately the wife forgot to tell the husband I was starting early, so he hadn't moved the car and wasn't back to pay me in the end.

After work, aching, I went and got my washing and the post.

Then I came home to try and write, as I have two articles due in tomorrow, 'tis no chance!
As my fellow driver was in a crash and wrote off his car and so I had a long hard delivery driving shift this evening. I have only just got home.

Tomorrow I have the farm first thing, just for mowing and strimming and digging, not the animals, and then I have one of my regular gardens in the afternoon.

The weather is already too mild for me. It was sunny this morning, and then dull low cloud.

I must remember to put the other washing out in the morning.

Monday, 16 April 2018


Hey peeps,

I like updating after Bath and Wells have been on the blog looking for an update, I do it to annoy.


Yesterday was a writing day, a quiet day, I wrote, and I tidied and hoovered my room.

Last night I slept really badly, like really really badly.

I woke up tired, after waking up throughout the night, which was bad as I had hard work to do.

I had already done my lunch and put it in the car last night. So off I went, dropped off laundry for a service wash to keep preparation for the London run simple, and arrived at work early, which helped.

I went and worked on the cliffs in the sun and wind for four hours, got a bit burned and really upset my back and legs with the heavy work.
Then on to the nearby other garden, for weeding and sweeping.
Then I went and viewed a new garden that I don't want but they want me.

I came home, did pain management and had some sugary tea and a rest, and then went to do an extra delivery shift.

The shift was brisk but went quiet at 8.30, so I finished and came home.

Tomorrow I have a half day of heavy work and a delivery shift, and I must pick up my washing.

There was a funny thing on twitter.
The Shepherdess did a video where she is lambing and she put the lambs to ewe for her to lick them dry and her young son was watching and asked why the ewe licked the lambs, she told him it was to get them warm and dry, he asked her if she had licked him when he was born.
It was so funny, twitter is great for entertainment as well as networking and interest sharing.

Sunday, 15 April 2018


Good morning peeps,

Excuse the lack of update, the church of england have been throwing tantrums again so I had to throttle them.

Yesterday when I woke, it was foggy, not because of the 5HTP, but because it was foggy, I could hear the foghorns going.
The fog soon cleared, and I went to the bank and post office.

When I got home, I decided that I couldn't stay in and write on such a nice day, so I drove down to the cliffs, my friends live along the road to the cliffs, a few minutes from the cliffs, and they were in the garden, so I stopped to borrow the dog, but they kept me there with home made cheese scones and flapjack and coffee, and eventually I did take the dog, and walked for miles alongside the sea, it was a lovely walk but tiring, I find it ever harder to walk now.

I came back tired, in time to change, start a new article, and head for my driving shift.

The driving shift was a bit brisker, but I was still home early, and I sat in bed and watched films and then went to sleep without 5HTP, slept reasonably well and woke to a lazy morning.

I am watching Shaun the Sheep and writing.

Friday, 13 April 2018


Good evening peeps,

It is nearly tomorrow.

I slept badly last night, woke at 4am and was determined not to get up and end up exhausted in time for my delivery shift.
So I lay there and forced myself to sleep, or tried to. Drifted to sleep as it got light outside, and dozed for a few hours with vivid dreams.

My first task was to get the PIP documents to the post office and send by recorded delivery.
I did that, and then went for my haircut. The first one in over four months, I had to keep cancelling haircuts due to lack of money. This new salon was very busy, I didn't like that, the old one was very quiet, but the old one had gone downhill after being my salon for four years. The new one has done an OK cut, but not quite how I wanted it, but at least it is thinner and shorter, which is what was needed, the thick matted hair was horrible.

I meant to work, but I felt bad, trauma and pain, so I didn't work. I sat in a coffee shop and caught up with writing work, and then sat in a lay-by and read the paper, didn't want to go to the sea or to my friends or anything, it has been like that this week, I think because I am tired.

Eventually I came home, got some writing done, including a new assignment and my first proper query letter for a newspaper article.
And then it was time for the delivery shift.
They texted me to change the start time, and the shift was so quiet that they finished me early or they would have too many drivers. I didn't mind too much.

I got home and there was an email from the DWP that said that they had enough evidence to assess my PIP claim from what they had received so far, which is really unusual, and too late as I have already sent everything today, just to confuse things!

So here I am, I will double the 5HTP dose, and I am legally authorized to, so don't worry, I need sleep, and the higher dose causes muscle and headaches but is harmless, it may make me groggy tomorrow, but not more groggy than those of you who are out partying the weekend away.


Thursday, 12 April 2018


Good evening peeps,

I slept a bit better, some vivid dreams from the 5HTP, but was tired this morning.
It had been a mild night but damp, so I had to leave my washing as it wasn't dry.

I was trying to get the PIP documents printed and ready, but the cheap refill ink cartridge ran out of ink. Frustrating.

I went to try and do some work but depression and trauma weren't making it easy, I went and had a walk round the care home but not a lot needed doing anyway, so I decided to leave it for the week.
The only other garden could wait until Monday, so I turned around, went and picked up my new boots from the mail handling centre, thank goodness for new boots before the others fall apart.

Then I went and walked round the graveyard and thought about life, and got pictures of some of the shrubs there and the magnificent magnolia tree.
Then I read a book and then I came home and cleared the herbaceous border for my landlord, it was a right jungle.

My washing was dry, so I got that in, and cooked turkey and rice for supper.

I have spent the evening trying to get the PIP documents done, I had to give up on an article I was trying to do that had to be in for tomorrow, it went back into the pool for another writer. I have done well for articles this week and the payout will be helpful.

I am a bit worried by the Jersey stats on my blog, they should be going to war over their election, not attacking me.

Wednesday, 11 April 2018


Good evening peeps,

I am tired and I am drugged by 5HTP as I haven't been sleeping properly, so it is necessary, my life is exhausting in every way anyway, so I need my sleep.

Today has been warm spring weather, with the sweet smell of spring in the air, and I have worked hard.

First thing, I worked for the lovely disabled lady. She had a labourer from her husband's firm in to finish her new raised beds, and she was replanting her hanging baskets with strawberries, and I was to clear a big patch of neglected ground, so together the three of us worked really well in the garden shared some laughter and banter, it was nice. Her lawn is a bog due to the weather, but work just had to be done.

I went almost straight from there to the next one, another lady who has been waiting and waiting for the weather to allow me to return for the new season. Her lawn is also a bog, but I got a lot of other jobs done, and she asked me to do an extra shift next week if we can get onto the lawn to mow it. She is normally fortnightly but the lawn is desperate. This is how it is across the board for all gardens and gardeners, the snow and constant rain means the grass has grown like mad and it hasn't been possible to cut it, except for those on light soil or chalk, and most of my gardens are on clay. The commercial contractors have had to simply go ahead with cutting, but I can't do that on domestic gardens.

Anyway, that went well, we get on well, and then my next job was the farm.
I was due on farm duties and I had said I would start the strimming up there at the same time, if the mowing couldn't be done. I did start the strimming, although I have no idea why my high-viz jacket isn't in the car, and I couldn't find the road cone to do the road verges.
I strimmed the road verges carefully and then the orchard.
I did the animals, the geese are still being disruptive, but everyone else behaved, the hens gave me four eggs, but I broke one!

I got home about six, stripped my filthy work clothes and put a wash on, boiled some eggs, washed up, and rushed to get online for my graphic design webinar, that went well, very interesting, then I put the washing out, it is due mild and dry overnight and I need clean clothes. Then I had a shower, watched a DVD and got on with other writing and things.

And now, drugged and tired, I hope I sleep.

Tuesday, 10 April 2018


Good evening peeps,

Well last night I had nightmares and it wasn't easy to wake up this morning.
The weather was wet and there wasn't much chance of doing anything.

So I went up to the cliffs, it was a grey and dull day, pouring with rain as I headed out, but it dried into a grey low cloud that made visibility over the sea poor, the sea was boring too, but there were surfers out on the bay.
I sat by the kiosk and drank tea, I like their tea, I like their staff too, then I headed back to my usual favourite cafe where I also like the staff and tea and the view, but today it didn't seem worth it.
I phoned my friends who live up there but they were out.

So I phoned a potential new customer, but they had already taken on one of the other gardeners, which I don't mind. What I mind is that one and all of these customers tend to come wailing to me when they are let down. That isn't arrogance, you get all these pushy men who call themselves gardeners and push for jobs, whereas I do not fight for jobs, but over and over again, the customers get let down and come back to me, and Ted told me never to work for people who treat me as second choice, but it is a slightly different industry and way of life now.

Anyway, I went to the mail handling centre, and my letters included the DWP having magically redacted their threats and found my missing paperwork, and asking me to fill in the next lot for the next stage of the PIP claim, the idiots.

So, I came home, picked up a 400 word article to write, and got on with that until time for the delivery driving shift.
The shift was dead so I finished at 8, came home, and finished the article while watching films.

Now it is bed time.

Monday, 9 April 2018


Good evening peeps,

Did you think I wasn't updating? I have not long been home.
The stats have shot up while I was out, what are the idiot church doing now?

Well, it has been raining, so mainly I have been working on paid articles, some short ones, some slightly longer, and some blog work for my other blogs that you don't read, well apart from a few of you, as they aren't on this site, and another project that isn't for sharing yet.

This evening I was getting stir crazy, so when I was asked if I could work, I said yes, and I went and worked a short shift, got some food, and felt better for being out and about.

Not much else to say.

Over the weekend I meant to watch comedy to cheer me up, but I ended up watching 'Yes Man' on repeat, and appreciating it, you know I never recalled the bit about him bungee jumping. Alison told him to go and jump off a bridge, and he did. He bungee jumped, very obedient, and his boss rang as he was bungee jumping, and asked what he was up to, and he said 'Oh, just hanging' because he was.
Sounds a bit like me. I just loved the way he was on the phone, upside down in midair, and his boss was playing golf and stopped the conversation in order to take a shot.
That's funny.
On a more serious note, I watched 'Room', and I have never watched it or read the book properly, it is very sad and profound, but Jack's escape and conversation with the policewoman was breathtaking. And as for the devastating press and media hurts, I know all about that.

Tired now, soft duvet, snuggle and snores. Maybe no nightmares.

Sunday, 8 April 2018


Good evening peeps,

Well I took Max for his new bulbs yesterday, a nervous but competent young man did the bulbs, and as I waited, I was looking down into the drainage water of the brook, and was surprised to see a Koi Carp swimming around, the Koi Carp also looked a bit bemused, I don't think it belonged there.

Max had his new bulbs very quickly, and I went and got me a new pair of jeans :) yay, I have two pairs now.

I got on with some writing, preparing blog posts for later on and some short writing articles.

In the evening I had a short and peaceful driving shift, three hours, and came home tired and slept reasonably well.

This  morning it was raining, I felt obliged to go to church, but when I got there I panicked, I told them I was panicking and that I would have to go, and so I did. I couldn't find any suitable cheap boots in town, so I got a few toiletries and came home.

I have been getting on with blog work for my new blogs as well as doing some short writing articles, a number of my articles have been accepted, so I will get a good payout at the end of the week, which will help as a lot of rain is forecast again.

I have also tidied my room nicely :)

Saturday, 7 April 2018


Good morning peeps,

I am awake.

Yesterday I woke up from vivid nightmares but they were non-specific, so I went and did the care home, just weeding as the weeds start, and a bit of sweeping and tidying.
Then I went to view the new garden clearance, it is a grungy job with three out of control dogs, and it smelled of dogs, I would love to just leave it, but I can't do as I please on my income, and it is only a one-off, so I will book it for the week after next, due to all the forecast rain and the fact that I have a lot of jobs this coming week.

I got on with updating one of my new blogs when I got home.

I went and did my delivery driving. It went OK, although I finished much later than expected, and I don't like late finishes at all.
At least I earned some money.
I am going to take Max to the autocentre to see if someone can replace some of his bulbs. He has a dipped beam and a number plate light bulb out.

I slept soundly last night, tired, and woke about 45 minutes ago.

Thursday, 5 April 2018


Good evening peeps,

Well what a funny old day.

Last night I went to my webinar, and it went fine, I have completed the first week of a five week course without problems, but it does get harder.

I had another restless night. Woke tired this morning and later than I hoped.
I got the washing on and waiting for it to finish so I could hang it out. I had to not wash my jeans even though they are muddy, as I have no replacement.

I went to the welfare, they took me to the charity shop, the charity shop had two teeshirts, one overshirt and one sleeveless jacket for me, but no suitable jeans or trousers.

Then the welfare got generous with the food again, and I came home laden down.

It was lunchtime when I got home. So I did lunch, and then there were short articles on the content website, so I completed one and started another before I had to go and do some work.
I went to the village where these two new gardens which are really out of my area are. One of the gardens couldn't be done because the lady is too stressed with visitors, but the other went well, the lady turned out to be a Christian-Author-Gardener, former sailor, volunteer and journalist. She also has lower back and neck troubles similar to mine, but I still have more ability than her, hence me being a helping hand. I am sure you can imagine that we had a lot to talk about. She tragically lost her son to a motorbike accident, I can't even imagine that. Anyway, we did a load of transplanting and edging and I turned the compost.

I was glad to get paid and go and get petrol and essentials, Max runs on empty these days and I can't even afford things I need. I am still not sure that going back to the delivery driving job is a great idea, but it may help financially in the short term, if it doesn't kill Max.

Earlier at the charity shop, the manager was making a fuss of me, she had a bad time as a child too, she wants me to come and volunteer, I am sure you can imagine that I am delighted.

Tomorrow I have the care home and then a new garden clearance to view. And in the evening I will do a driving shift.

I have completed the second short article and taken a longer one, the problem is, even though the earlier article was accepted at once, I am about 7 cents short of the payout threshold because a load of my articles have not been reviewed or accepted yet, and today is deadline day for a payout tomorrow, so after all my hard work, I am probably going to be left without a payout this week.

Now I will be very good and contact my various people and arrange to socialize, I will be like Sheldon Cooper and do so because it is a requirement.

Wednesday, 4 April 2018


Good evening peeps,

A restless night and woke tired and with an aching back.

The housekeeper was doing the farm feeds this morning, so I didn't have to go out early,  and by the time it got to gardening time, it was raining again and with strong winds. Both gardens cancelled, so I sat in bed and did a very boring home improvements article, and I have another one to do. The instructions aren't great and the subject is tough, you have to fit a lot of information into a relatively low word count.

I got welfare food, and they have said about getting me clothes tomorrow. Secondhand, but anything would help.

I did the farm this evening, it is so muddy, and the animals were larking about, the geese wouldn't go in, they kept scattering the ducks as I rounded them up.
The hens gave me some eggs and behaved themselves.

I am supposed to be in a webinar in half an hour for this graphic design course.

Oh, I forgot, the people I did delivery driving for, who left me destitute at the end of January want me back, and although Max is close to the end and I can't afford another car, I desperately need more income so I will take the job, and I will get them back for leaving me destitute by walking out on them when I get a better income, maybe.

Tuesday, 3 April 2018


Good evening peeps,

I feel wrecked. I haven't long been in from work and I got an email in error telling me I should be in a Webinar. Ha! I will tell them off.

Yesterday it rained, so I stayed in bed and got on with writing, got the computer article finished just before 6, but with a headache because my landlord had his family round and they have noisy children.

I went and did the farm as soon as I had handed the article in, and came home and straight into a webinar.
What a busy bank holiday!

I am accidentally on a graphic design course worth a few hundred but I was given a place for free. If you consider my learning difficulties, you will know I can't do graphic design, but I will give it a shot, I love art. As far as I know, one of my sisters was a graphic designer, but she was talented.

So last night I enjoyed the chaos of my first webinar and all the mad students in the chat area.

I didn't sleep well and I was tired this morning, which wasn't ideal as I needed to earn the rent and bills in this brief one day gap in the rain.

I worked very hard today and got the rent and the most important bills paid. I didn't get home until about 6.45, and I got an email mistakenly telling me I should be in a webinar at 7, it was a repeat of yesterday's lesson, and a lot of us ended up there, so their admin needs tweeking.

The farm was fun as usual, chasing animals through the mud. The day's work was mainly heavy clearance and I am aching. Oh I have a few new garden queries, I had better have words with them.
The welfare did me a parcel to collect on the way to work this morning, but I have barely eaten, not been hungry. I really should eat before my blood sugar goes too low.

I have paid the rent and the worst bill but funds are very low and in danger of going overdrawn, which I am not allowed to as I have a poor person's bank account.

Monday, 2 April 2018

Easter Monday

Good lunchtime peeps,

I will have a pie, please.

I am really upsetting Somerset by not updating.
They want to know all about it.

Hello Somerset. You are nosey but we love you.

On Easter Saturday I can't remember a thing. I have no idea what I was doing. It rained.
I woke at 4.30 with nightmares and distress, so I tidied my room and did some writing.

Then I took my washing to the launderette, there is a washing machine here but with the pouring rain, I couldn't dry anything here, and I only have one pair of trousers and they were wet from the sopping wet walk of witness.
Anyone want to donate? I am not telling you my trouser size so you will have to guess and we will improvise! :):):)

Anyway, Saturday continued wetly, just movies and writing. I have a computer article to do, and I am no computer buff, but it isn't too technical.

Yesterday I woke up feeling not too bad, I have been really depressed and traumatized and very worried, but I woke up OK, and sorted myself out and went to church.
Church was OK, not thrilling, we had Easter goodies with the tea and coffee, and they did me a food parcel.

I had the farm in the afternoon. The ducks behaved, it was the new hens who misbehaved. What a nightmare, they are hard work.
The paddock was very muddy as well.
The new hens are still isolated. The old hens were OK. I got four eggs.

Then it was more movies and writing, and then sleep, I was suffering really bad flashbacks last night, and then restless with dreams all night, and then I woke this morning to more rain, and went and did farm duties before breakfast.

Now I return to this computer article that has to be in this evening, and I am watching films as I write.
I have been busy with one of the new blogs which is beginning to take off, I do a load of scheduled posts as it isn't like this blog, it doesn't need daily updates, just a consistent input that can be done once a week with the posts scheduled.

I always have too much work to do relating to building my writing, and not enough gets done, so I ache, but the weather is ripping the gardening business to shreds and I am in despair and not making ends meet. It takes a year or so to start making a living as a writing, and I am not making my living there yet, trying to juggle it with gardening, and trying to just survive with the trauma and extreme poverty.
I am at my wits end. And the DWP left me over Easter with them having 'lost' my PIP forms and information and telling me they would stop my DLA and that was it. Can things get worse? Should I even ask that?