Aspergers Syndrome

Here I am wanting to do loads of serious blogging and next to me are three noisy teenagers. I can't control my environment so I will just have to live with it. Sigh.
Oh the teenagers have gone and there are just some elderly gentlemen doing genealogy on the computer next to me. oh no, some noisy children have taken the teenagers' place.

I have been at one of the daycentres for several hours, trying to relax otherwise I end up tense with aching eyes and head.
At the daycentre I had some food and sat and relaxed and did some benefits paperwork and looked through some asthma paperwork. It is hard to just relax, and when I try to I am overwhelmed with bad memories.

I have no food or hot drinks until soup kitchen this evening unless I can get two more stickers for a hot drink.

I thought of so many things to write about but it is really hard to actually settle to write anything while there is so much noise and disruption, maybe half-term should be banned? part of my Asperger's Syndrome is sensetivity to noise, which was a nightmare until I and other people learned about it.

What is it like having Aspergers Syndrome? Well it is difficult, because if I try to 'Normalise' too much I make myself ill and stressed, but the general public find me rather odd because I act and react in an an unexpected way to things, sometimes I simply react differently to someone who is neurotypical, sometimes I react to things other people don't react to. I work really hard to tone down my reactions or explain them, but to try and completely 'normalise' someone with Aspergers Syndrome is simply damaging and painful.
I will be misunderstood and squashed for the rest of my life.
http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/autism-and-asperger-syndrome-an-introduction/what-is-asperger-syndrome.aspx

This is a link to the NAS section on Aspergers Syndrome or Asperger Syndrome. I often describe myself as high functioning autistic, as more people know what that is.

Asperger Syndrome for me involves difficulties in communication, understanding social situations and interaction, sensetivities to noise, heat and touch, some autistic behaviours such as rocking, thumb sucking, humming and doing repetetive things. I like a lot of extremely solitary time, and being homeless provides that delightful solitude, but unfortunately the tearing horrifying memories of the church ruin that solitude, so I have to have lifelines such as the Samaritans and Hopeline and the abuse helplines.
One of my Asperger eccentricities is toys, I find it hard to resist toys, hence the toy giraffe hitching a ride on my backpack, another thing that fascinates me is animals, animals of all kinds. I am always delighted with the wildlife that keeps me company as I sleep rough, apart from it bites me or steals my food!

I speak less than is expected, I am very quiet in conversation, though on paper I can be very talkative and use big words that make people expect more of me verbally.

what more can I say, I am and always will be, slightly at odds with the world, not deliberately, and I will always be hurt by this difference, the church really used my inability to understand and cope when they destroyed me, they used it against me as strongly as they could in all departments, to make me out to be mad when I was distressed, to cover their own wrongs, to make things work their way, I was unable to cope with any of the church actions, from the defence and cover up of abuse and abusers to the attacks on me and my life and character.

There is a nice little book called 'Stand up for Autism' by Georgina Derbyshire, which is about her son who had High Functioning Autism, he was on a similar spectrum to me, varying between quite autistic and quite normal and he got into all sorts of muddles just as I do and have.

The other book that comes to mind when I think of abuse and cover ups is 'Broken', by Shy Keenan, her abusers always got to make out that she was a bad girl and that they hadn't done anything wrong, cover ups while she suffered and suffered.
It is a bit of a harrowing story though, if you ever get to read it.

Anyway, excuse me a minute, I am going to sign out, I can't write anything about the church while there is a noisy fidgety child next to me, I am sure children need to be in school more, I am sure half term is a bad idea.