This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Saturday, 31 October 2015

Saturday evening

Good evening,

Well I have had an uneventful day. Mainly revising for my exam.
I have also had a drive to watch the sea and biked up to the shop for batteries.
The weather and papers have been unremarkable.
The flat is tidy, I briefly sorted a cupboard or two out and cleaned things.

Halloween is my only day off in the year from scaring the hell out of people.
Lots of noisy kids running around out there but it has been peaceful up here.

Tomorrow I get my Sunday lie in due to the shop opening late, and then I may have a snooze or finish mock exams, various other paperwork and things to do, no car boot sale tomorrow, but in the evening I may go to welfare before cinema.
We are going to see Suffragette, and everyone tells me that is a great emotional film.

Friday, 30 October 2015

Friday evening

Good evening,

Well it has been hard to write recently, I have been ill with this virus thing, although I have battled the symptoms well, it has left me tired.
When I first get sick with sore throat, I have to try to kill the infection with TCP to stop it going to my lungs because I am asthmatic and my lung capacity is very poor and I have had some bad chest infections due to homelessness and unhygenic living spaces, so I have to be careful, and I have been using saline to clear my system, so although I have kept breathing and stayed on my feet most of the time, I have been very tired.

I have also been trying to revise for my exam, a week tomorrow!
The flat is clean and tidy and bathed in candle light and lamp light, I am showered and pyjama'd.
This afternoon I went to see my friend, she is being well looked after by her family and she is still fairly able but with less energy now. She still gets very insistent about not minding dying, but that is the way some people react I think. We had a nice cuppa, and she asked me if I want to spend Christmas with them, which I will if my mate really doesn't care whether I cook Christmas dinner for him or not, he is claiming not to care either way! (bah, humbug) :) Anyway, I am not worrying about Christmas, I think there is a lot of water before that bridge, especially as I am set to move back to Jersey.
And won't it be like the good old times!

Anyway, the weather has been warm and rainy, I wish it would break, the warm humid weather is not helping my health.

My Mum is coming over on Monday, to get the biscuits I have made for them, I made cinnamon and ginger angel biscuits, carefully iced :) I don't really like biscuits myself but making biscuits for your family is what normal people do. So dunno why I did it :):):)

Thursday, 29 October 2015

How can they be interested parties when they are responsible?

yes it is true

I am tired of being bullied by corrupt Jersey dignitaries over their pathetic report, so I am coming back to Jersey to deal with this continued harm to me.
Jersey is a little and very screwed up island with occupation mentality and appears to still be occupied by Nazis, time something was done about it.

Unfortunately both weather and illness means I can't start my journey yet.
All I can do right now is go back to bed, even though I should be revising for an exam.

Thursday morning

Good morning,

Well yesterday evening I stayed up a bit late to try to balance things out after sleeping for five hours when I got home from work. I knew when I went to bed that I would sleep again, as I was that ill.

I didn't have such a bad night. In fact I dreamed a very comforting dream. I dreamed I was in Jersey, and instead of flying above Jersey as I usually do in dreams, I was walking in St. Helier. I was at the Royal Square and the town church. I went into the town church and wrote a cheeky message in the visitors book for someone I know in Jersey. And outside in Church house, the Deanery were having an officious meeting, as they do, and the Dean saw me and looked furious, his ugliness and obesity were magnified and I laughed at his fury and walked off to see Jersey again, fully expecting the Dean to try to send police after me.

I woke up comforted, it is the first dream about Jersey that hasn't distressed me, and normally I only fly above Jersey in my dreams. It was the early hours when I woke and I had some fruit squash and slept again.

I wasn't so unwell this morning, I didn't need painkillers first thing. But as I walked out to my car to do the papers, I noticed that the church clock had stopped at exactly the time I woke up from my Jersey dream.

I did the papers, the wind was strong but it wasn't raining, it is raining now with strong wind.
I got home and got distracted by Jersey, I am supposed to be revising for my exam. I went to collect my washing but I am feeling ill again now.
I have cleaned the bathroom, I need to tidy the rest of the flat as well.

My only plans for today until Sunday are exam revision, and on Sunday I will go to welfare and then go to the cinema as planned.

Wednesday, 28 October 2015

Wednesday evening

Good evening,

Well I went to therapy this morning and I felt well enough to complete the session but not great.
Then I went to work.

I worked busily and the ladies made me coffee and chatted and my client came home muttering cheerfully about skivers.
He has asked me to accompany him to the cinema on Sunday and I have agreed. He is disabled and likes to have someone with him.
I have had so many cinema messages from friends this week, I am always reluctant because the cinema is 8 miles away and I still get nervous anyway, but my client wants to see 'Suffragette' or however you spell it, and I keep being told how good it is by everyone who has been to see it and to be honest I am interested, so I will go.

I was relieved to finish my work, I got a lot done despite being ill.
I came home via the shop and petrol station, crawled into bed and slept until 7pm, if I had been well I could have done another garden as it is due to rain for the rest of the week, but I was worried about even getting home safely as I felt so rough.

I slept reasonably peacefully although I dreamed a lot, including about homelessness and the Church of England.

I woke up in time to get Hollyoaks on 4+1 and Hollyoaks preview on E4+1.

I feel a  little bit better now, and I should be revising for my exam as it is now only a week and a half away and all my assignments are in! Did I tell you I got 85/100 for the assignment I got back so far? Bah, 15 points lost because I really couldn't understand what one question was asking. They don't make the questions simple.

'Marley and Me' is on E4, it is a bit crappy but easy watching.

Wednesday morning

Good morning,

Yesterday I had a free day to work on my assignment. The last one of this lot! And I completed it and handed it in.
I also took the blue bike in for repairs. The blue bike finds a new ailment every month, hypochondriac bike!
The blue bike is happy now, trotting about and snorting, but the weather isn't good for bike rides, what a shame.
And I got some gravel for one of the gardens I look after.

But I started feeling ill yesterday evening and woke up feeling very ill this morning.
I have had a load of painkillers and TCP, and am hoping for the best.
I got the papers out as normal.

This morning I have therapy and then work, if the weather allows for work.
I will probably put the laundry in as well.

The flat is kind of clean and tidy, so when I get home I will sleep if I am still unwell.

Monday, 26 October 2015

Monday evening

Good evening,

Well I have had a busy day. Tutorial and preparing the third of three assignments. Do I get half-term/reading break? Yes, next week.

This evening I am sitting in a warm bed, feeling exhausted and working through study materials and recorded work.
I am also reading a new book.

Tomorrow I am working on this assignment all day apart from taking the blue bike to the bike shop and going to the garden centre for some gravel.

The weather has been mild and windy, I like it like that. And this morning, driving round the paper rounds in daylight was quite awesome, I have never really seen some of the places in daylight.
The rural distributor was also cheerful about the daylight. I have never seen her in daylight, she is normally a shadow in the dark as I sweep round the corner with my lights on and hand the paper bundles over before I hurtle off to deliver the papers to the farms and villages.

Sunday, 25 October 2015

Sunday evening

Good evening,

Well I was relieved to have the extra sleep last night, not only is Sunday a later start anyway, but the clocks changed as well, so I had to make sure that didn't confuse me.
It didn't, I felt great for the extra sleep and it was a clear and cold sunny Sunday morning as I pottered lazily through the villages with the paper wagon.

Then I took the car to the petrol station and fed it's tyres with some air, the back tyres were a bit soft, dunno when it was last done, but then I decided to give the car a treat of a hoovering at the petrol station, there's no way of hoovering it at home.
So hoover and tyres done. I bought the screen wash that I had gone to the petrol station for.
I cleaned the outside of the car at home and re-arranged the stuff in the boot and got rid of the odds and ends of rubbish. My car is never full of junk like it used to be in my last life, but work related stuff builds up slightly.

Anyway, after that I had a study breakfast, and came home to resume studying.
By lunchtime I had completed an assignment.
Lunch was a full roast dinner, lamb that I got at a reduced price, and roast potatoes and broccolli and carrots, all prepared and cooked from fresh. Very nice. Dessert was a cup cake but I saved it for later as I was full.

Then I went to the car boot sale, it was sparse today. I got a book and came home to continue study.

It is cold outside, I bet there will be frost on the car soon, last night some places had frost.

There is loads of good stuff on tv, I have missed loads of stuff because I switched it off after Holloaks omnibus, I missed Back to the Future, but I am watching Back to the Future 2. It is supposed to be set in 2015, we aren't as advanced as imagined!

Saturday, 24 October 2015

Saturday evening

Good evening,

Well I haven't caught up for a few days. I have been feeling tired and in pain again, I need a new head support for night time.

This morning I felt really comforted by the weather as I delivered the papers. It was warm and windy with leaves and rain falling lightly, really autumnal.
I got the papers done in good time despite Saturday's rounds being big and heavy.

When I got home it was still dark, and I crept into my soft bed and caught up on some sleep.

I woke at lunch time and have been to the library to return my books -really hard these days because no library is in easy reach. Then I exchanged something at the shop and came home to clean the flat. The flat is just about done, and the laundry and electric meter and shopping are done.
So I got fish and chips for tea.

It is windy but mild, with light rain still.

Yesterday I caught up with the work I had been rained off from, and then I studied.

The clocks change tonight so I have to make sure I am orientated as tomorrow is Sunday, the day when I do the papers later anyway, so my brain will get very confused about light levels and times. But it is easier with the clocks going back than when they go forward.

Thursday, 22 October 2015

Thursday evening

Good evening,

Well, I don't know what has been happening to my emotions in the last day.
I have been having Jersey flashbacks and been very depressed.

Yesterday I went to therapy and that was fine, and then I couldn't work due to the weather so I went back to my studies.

I don't know why I got so upset though. I mean the horror of what the church of england did to me is never any less and never will be until something is done.

I am worried about the continued Jersey premonitions, they are never for nothing.

Today I have managed to get my work done and that is about all, I have been watching 'my parents are aliens' and am now watching Hollyoaks. Tegan smacked Tony in the jaw! :)

Nothing else to say really. Studying needs to be done but I can't study tonight, too distracted by whatever is distracting me.

Tomorrow is laundry day this week, and I am working to catch up the work I was rained off, then it is the weekend and I will study and rest.

Wednesday, 21 October 2015

In Loving memory

In loving memory

October is all anniversaries
including your death and mine,
two weeks apart.
a year apart

six years
and five years now
and 2010

and I am sitting here
and suddenly I remember you clearly
a few days early 
I cry

I remember that you thought it was a good lullaby for us as children
but you were autistic
so it isn't that surprising
and it is a good lullaby anyway:

I sang it to you as you lay dying
and we were alone
the others had gone to get drunk
so I sang you the same lullaby, 
while my world crashed round me 
and you slept peacefully

Wednesday morning

Good morning,

Well I dreamed about university again and was reluctant to leave the warm peaceful bed.

It was raining outside, and I thought that would slow me down doing the papers but it didn't, but it was still dark when I got home.

I am still having repeated premonitions about Jersey, which usually means church and press attacks.

I have done my interactive programmes and I have therapy this morning, but the weather is too bad for gardening work. Which is bad as I need some money.

Tuesday, 20 October 2015

Tuesday evening

Good evening,

Well last night the workforce were noisily digging up the road with all their flashing lights and all, but they don't really keep me awake.
I slept peacefully and dreamed about university, peaceful happy dreams.
I woke with the first alarm but my dreams were sweet and my bed was dead comfy and snug, so I stayed in and cooked for a bit longer until the alarm went at 6am.

I sped round my papers, no attack bees at the beekeepers house today, thankfully, but I still have a huge patch from the sting.

I was supposed to go to the dentist but I cancelled because he mauls my mouth, I had postponed my work because of the dentist. So I spent the day finishing this hard assignment and then emailed it to the tutor.
Things get easier in steps now, tomorrow I have a tutorial, next week two smaller assignments due, and then in three weeks I have my music exam, then things settle a bit and will be easier to handle.

The road diggers are rioting the road by the big supermarket and wrecking their custom. So we have relative peace over here :)

This afternoon I had a short drive down to the beach.
And this evening after my assignment, I had a walk, a proper walk. It is nice in the cold smoky dark.
Then I have been watching my 'Humans' DVD and printing off assignment and tutorial stuff.
I got cheese and rolls for tea.

I am getting strong premonitions from Jersey again, identical and meaningful, I have seen this so many times now when the church are about to attack. The first time this happened was in the cold snow in early 2013, when unbeknown to me, the diocese launched their stupid PR stunt.

Monday, 19 October 2015

Monday evening

Good evening,

Well I have had a busy day of university studies.
And a bit of work done as well.

Tomorrow's work has been postponed and I cancelled my dental appointment.

So tomorrow I will be studying, finishing an assignment and revising for the forthcoming exam.

Funnily enough, I have two more assignments before the exam but I can't think about them until this assignment is in.

It has been a mild grey day with a spot of rain.
I fell asleep when I got home, and when I woke up, I went to collect my prescriptions before the pharmacy closed, then I got some petrol and groceries and drove around, up onto the cliffs, and sat there watching the gloomy sea as it got dark, then I came home for my programmes and to study some more.

I haven't been keeping much of an eye on Jersey news due to being very busy,  but I gather that the care inquiry resumes tomorrow. And I see the JEP headlines yesterday were howling about 'backbencher wants Bailiff removed'. Deputy Tadier making a valid point after an absolutely crazy suspension for a perfectly reasonable reference to Jesus during a States debate.

Oh, and the road outside my flat is being dug up again tonight, so I don't know how much sleep I will get!

Monday morning

Good morning,

I am supposed to be paying rapt attention to the esteemed lecturer, which is why I am typing this :)
Lecturer is talking about equality and natural law, yeeks, sounds like Ian Evans' blog!

I slept OK last night and woke to a surprisingly mild morning, no condensation on the car and I was parked facing the road, so I was off very swiftly to do the papers.
Monday is a good day for papers so I shot round the rounds, the only glitch was, on the last drop on my first round, a bee stung me on my side, it was still pitch dark in the country lane and I couldn't find my torch so trying to work out what stung me and kill/get rid of it was not easy. Grr, not fun, and I have a massive patch on my side where I was stung now.

The sun rose all orange when I got home from the papers, it is amazing how far round the sunrise moves. It now rises over the bay outside my window and lights the sea orange.

I must pay attention because I should be commenting on what the lecturer is telling us, and I have garden clearance work later as well. But my temporary shifts have finished as we completed the contract.

Loads of study to do. Just over 2 weeks to an exam and one assignment due in  on Thursday too.

Sunday, 18 October 2015

Sunday evening

Good evening,

Oops, I meant to update earlier.

Well it has been a day. I had a disturbed and restless night with nightmares and terrors about the church, but to be honest, I did get enough sleep. The previous night the road outside was being dug up again, but last night they were having a night off.
So, two nights of not great sleep.

Then this morning, as is usual of a Sunday, I fell out of bed late, it would have been better if I had remembered to turn off the alarms on my phone, I was dozing in between the alarms that start at 5.50, although my usual 5.30 alarm clock was set for later.

Anyway, the usual sleepy sunday scramble for the shop and admirable time in doing the rounds.
Then I watched the sunrise on the bay, and came home for breakfast and study and Hollyoaks omnibus.
I had a 'continental breakfast' - well it was the reduced bakery goods from last night.

After waking up to a delightfully spotless flat, the degeneration began with bakery crumbs, and then the debris of preparing the potatos and vegetables for a roast dinner.

Then I went to the car boot sale as I had arranged to collect some plants from the plant stall that would be there, I normally only go to the afternoon car boot now, but the plant people are disgusted with the afternoon boot sale now and won't go there.
Anyway, I am glad I did go to the morning boot sale as I discovered a heap of Garfield books, some of my old collection that I have been missing since Jersey, and some that I have never read! :)
I don't have much money to spare but I got those, they are my new lighthearted bed time books to help me settle peacefully to sleep and ward off terrors and fear of bed time.

Anyway, then I did the roast dinner, and it was delicious. And I finally managed to do some letter writing and answered all my pen pal letters.

Then I wandered over to welfare for a brief coffee and chat, ticked the social interaction box that I have got so sloppy about this year.

Then home again, studying, mainly listening to recorded material, and also catching up on chores.
I have decided to go to bed soon but no bath, it is tempting to have a bath every night now because I am in pain, but I think whatever it does to my neck muscles can actually make the problem worse.

Tomorrow is a very busy university day, with one work shift as well and all sorts of stuff needing doing.
So, bed time, I think. I am outdoing my target university study hours easily at the moment, but the continued disruption caused by the church of england lying their way out of responsibility for anything and everything does make it harder.

It is the anniversary time of year, it is also the assignment deadline time of year, and it is the dentist time of year, what a week I have to look forward to!

The blogs and twitter have been dead quiet today, surprising considering the ongoing newspaper and media madness.

Saturday, 17 October 2015

Saturday evening

Good evening,

Well it has been a funny day.

I said this morning that I was tired and was going to sleep.
Well I did, I slept for five hours! I must have been tired!
Sleeping during the day is not good as it triggers severe distress about the church of england.

When I woke up, I went for a drive and got fish and chips for lunch,
Then I started a major clear up and sort out of the flat!

When I am tired or depressed the flat starts to get messy, so a major clean-up that I have only just finished has gone on.
Everything is now in order, hoovered, mopped, disinfected, sorted out, put away, and my meds and task lists are neatly done. Listening to recorded university talks all the while.

I was supposed to pick up my prescription by 1pm today but I was sound asleep, so most of the meds are in their daily weekly compartments, just one missing, my asthma tabs. I will collect it on Monday, very quickly as Monday is a busy university day.

Anyway, I also unusually drove round to the supermarket after dumping huge bags of rubbish in the dustbins. I have a NUS card now so I get a discount on my shopping, it was funny because I went in there and a lot of things were reduced for the end of the day, so I got loads of stuff, and I had my NUS card and a voucher for £2, but my shopping ended up coming to less than the amount needed for the £2 voucher to be valid! :)

Anyway, so here I am, I have run a bath and have been trying to eat a late supper of hock and egg salad but I really haven't enjoyed that, so I gave up trying to eat it.

I got the linens and clothes washed during the week so everything is done, and I just handwashed two work shirts as they are dirty after a day's wear, I need some new ones, but I bought everything except work shirts this week. I have new work trousers, underwear, shoes, but not shirts :( no money to spare!  What I bought was too expensive as well.

You may have noticed this is published way past my bed time, but my five hour bonus sleep means I will not fall asleep easily, and tomorrow is Sunday, a late start, so I will stay up late for once tonight, I am feeling better, I have been tired and in pain recently, and I still need painkillers today.

Oh, in between massive bouts of  cleaning today, I have also been doing some writing, I get a bit fed up of delivering horse manure instead of newspapers some mornings, so read this if you wish:

Saturday morning

Good morning peeps,

I haven't been home long, there is less pressure to get to the rural distributor on weekends and the rounds are heavy and slow. And I stopped to see the sunrise, drop off bills to the shop, and collect a parcel from the sorting office on the way home.

I am very tired and as it is the weekend, I am going back to bed for a while soon. I am tired. I have had breakfast and all I can think is tired, sleep.

The weather is cold and grey, I wore a jumper and jeans to do the papers this morning but I overheated as it is actually quite warm work jumping up and down steps and running along driveways.

Friday, 16 October 2015

Friday evening

Good evening,

Sorry for the lack of blog, I have been busy or drifting, drifting today.
Yesterday I was mainly studying and working, and in the evening I went out for a meal on my own and sat there studying as I ate, I feel just fine doing that, but I know some people find that difficult and scary, but for me it was a study thing, a way of making revising my whole music syllabus more enjoyable.

I have plenty to study, but I have just been drifting today, I went shopping for clothes although I can't really afford to, but while I am working I can't walk around in rags any more.
Clothes shopping is an annual hell that I have to endure.

Then I got home and the DWP had sent me some rubbish, which meant my lunch break was ruined by having to punch them in the metaphorical teeth.
Then I went to work, work was hard and the mower broke.
It has been one of those days.

I am just sitting here and drifting, watching television idly.
Howard looks good as a smurf! :) haha.
Hollyoaks is more insane than ever, here, let me write an episode!

'Nikko and Selina hit someone over the head, get away with it, get Dr. S'Vage to finish the person off, lots of blatant police misconduct happens without anyone noticing, confusing gay relationships happen, confusing non-gay relationships happen, and there are babies involved, people hit each other and trick each other'.

That sums up Hollyoaks. But have you heard the old farts' version of Hollyoaks? They call it 'The Archers' it may well be comedy rather than genuinely pitiful but it is howlingly lame, especially the fake accents. When people get old do they really sink to finding the archers genuine and interesting? I don't want to ever be old then.

Anyway, it is cold now, and earlier the clouds were blue like snow clouds. I may even get a jumper out of the deep dark store.

I can't be bothered to sort the flat out or do anything.

Wednesday, 14 October 2015

Wednesday evening

Good evening,

Well a cold clear darkness faded into pale blue sky and red dawn this morning, and the weather is colder now.
I was out of bed at 5am and had done my interactive study and had a shower before I went to do the papers.
Then I was home for more study, breakfast and then therapy.
After therapy I went to work.

Then after a pleasant work shift, I came home to study but I was too restless and unsettled, therapy does that to me, so I haven't got anything done and I am tired so I will go to bed now.

Tuesday, 13 October 2015

Tuesday evening

Good evening,

Well it has been a cold day, starting clear, clear dark skies into a red dawn, then clouding over, cold grey skies with a moody sea.

I have spent the day doing university, with my only work shift cancelled.

My smoke alarm was tested today, it works: BEEPBEEP, blurryhellshutthatnoiseup! :)
I don't like beeps.

what do you do when you get stuck studying the killer module that won't die?

Monday, 12 October 2015


I am too tired to update,
and some eggnog is asking me the meaning of what I wrote recently.
I will update on that when I have some energy.

I will write another thing to puzzle you instead.


Are you joking?

They told me this morning
that you won't hurt me any more

but I was still asleep 
so I wondered if I was dreaming when
I woke up

your hands have been round my neck
for so long 
that I don't know life without that

so yeah
I dreamed it, right?

someone listened 
and protected me from you

Saturday, 10 October 2015

the 5th Anniversary

Here we are again
At Southampton airport

And every year I come
and I collect you

as you walk out of arrivals
from Jersey
In your pyjamas
and destroyed

I know you died
those years ago

but I have no choice 
but to continue to collect you

until the church allow you to rest
in peace

until they remember Christ
and stop hating Him

Until they stop stoning you
and forgive you their own sins

Because until then
you have to stay alive
through the anguish in my mind
and their lies to the press and police and public

One day
They will let go
there will be an investigation
or a declaration that we are safe

One day the diocese will collapse
or the church will be disbanded
or there will be a real investigation
and then I will hear you sigh

I will take you back that day
and you will rest at St. Ouens Bay
The bay with the heart in the sand
and your heart will rest happy where it belongs
Corbiere and Casquettes beaming bright
over your heart forever

you will be a child again
running to your Father's arms with joy
and the horror of what they did to you
will be gone, forgiven, as God forgave you
And I will smile 
and make my journey home

I am waiting to lay you to rest
your life wasn't in vain because I was born
and I live, a light she hasn't extinguished with her efforts
and even I am likely to die as you did, at Jane Fisher's hands

The Church hates, but God loves
and He forgave me when I was Baptised Catholic
and the brand of the Great Grim Church was gone
and I became me, but the church in hatred attacked again
the woman they killed, and the one who lives
Because they would kill
rather than ever accept their own evil and dishonesty

And so we wait
as they continue to deny you or I
justice or a voice
with their money and influence and hatred for Jesus

The grave is open
and we wait
to lay to rest 
what was

Thank you for giving me life
and if I can, I will avenge you
for their evil
RIP HG1 JW 19/03/81 - 11/10/10

Image result for pictures flybe plane

Friday, 9 October 2015

Friday morning

Good morning,

Well, sorry for not updating, I guess I will have to do a brief recap of the week.

The sun is shining here, and I did the papers, including the heavy locals. Then I had a study breakfast.
Now I am supposed to be finishing a draft assignment.

Tuesday Afternoon was a washout, it has been a tough few weeks with work due to cancellations and being rained off, so I had a break from therapy this week as I was low on money and the car and I both needed various things.

On Wednesday I went to work, it was a cold grey morning and I came home cold and tired and climbed into bed for warmth and listened to recorded university lectures from in bed, one of the perks of being 'disabled'.
Anyway, as I listened to lectures, the phone rang.
It was my friend, she had come home from hospital, and she kindly rang to let me know, so I arranged to see her on Thursday.
So yesterday I saw her briefly, she is tired, but she smiled cheerfully. She says she doesn't mind dying. I mind that she is dying, but you aren't supposed to say that when someone says they don't mind dying.
I don't know how long she has to live. But at least she said she will let me know what is going on. She has to go for another scan next week and I think she will know more then.

So anyway, I felt a lot better for seeing her and knowing what is going on, as it has all been very vague for a while.
And I got a good day's work done yesterday, and some assignment work in the evening.

Well, here we are. Tick tock. Who would like to commemorate the anniversary with me?

Thursday, 8 October 2015


The phone rang yesterday
I was overjoyed to hear your voice
I had been waiting for news
and you told me you were home from hospital

Today I came to see you
you smiled
you said you were happy
you had had a good life

your family are looking after you well
and you don't mind
when it's time to go, it's time to go
and all is well

Hey, my friend, 
I do mind,
I don't want you to die
but I can't change the inevitable

All I can do is be in agreement with you
in joy and peace
we had a wonderful time
and I can hold that for the rest of my own life

you blessed my life
and stood by me as I rebuilt it
so what can I say
I am strong enough to fly alone
when the time comes

That doesn't mean I won't cry for you
or wish you weren't going
but grief is part of life
and so is joy

you have given me life
so that I can feel joy again
and can feel love
and through that, you will be eternal

You and I will never go for a drive again
sit at the viewpoint eating ice cream
you won't be there waiting with a flask of tea
when I finish my walk,
but you are part of this kingdom I built here
and in everything in my life now,
you have been part of it

I will still sit up there
and look at the sea
and remember the first time we sat there
it is part of my life now, a continuation

I have learned, even from my destroyers themselves,
to treasure every minute, in case there is an end
and I have treasured every minute
and I will treasure it rather than grieve for it

I will go on,
and you will be with me,
in my heart,
in the patchwork of memories,
as a joy.

Tuesday, 6 October 2015

Tuesday morning

Good morning,

I was dreaming of my days on the streets when the alarm rudely awoke me this morning.
The weather was better than yesterday morning, a bit better anyway. So I did the papers in good time.

I am just studying now. I am studying until this afternoon and then I will go to work. Then I will study more.

Tomorrow we have a break from the routine as there is no therapy just this week, and my Wednesday work is now shortened in preparation for winter.
So I will be able to make good preparations for the weekend and get a lot of study done.

It is rainy weather again now, and the workmen are drilling the road in the rain.

Monday, 5 October 2015

Monday evening

Good evening peeps,

One way of avoiding the assignment that I am supposed to be working on is coming here and chattering to you.
Hmm, how norty.
Does anyone watch that 'Rude robots' thing? It came on after Hollyoaks and I saw a bit of it, how silly :) Do people really get taken in? It's a bit like 'Beadle's about' only programmes were less flaky in the 90s. Send your disagreement of that on a postcard to the nearest trash can.

I have been watching Vicar of Dibley DVDs so I will go back to that.
I can watch things and work, my ADD brain only functions well when I do more than one thing at a time. Unfortunately when I am sleeping that means my brain occupies itself fighting the Diocese of Winchester and all other monsters.

Today it has rained all day and I have been studying all day.

Nothing else to declare, I fried chopped lamb with garlic and herbs and had that with rice for my tea.

Tomorrow is mainly university with a few gardens in the afternoon if the weather allows, they tend to find me indoor work if it rains though.

Monday morning

Good morning peeps,

I am on a break at University. Yes I have been studying since 7.50am. And I only finished the papers at 7.30.

Yesterday I had a quiet day, in fact when I got back from the papers I slept for 3 hours! :) noo!
Then I studied and wrote a bit, went to the car boot sale and got little things, I wanted some plants for my client but the plant stall wasn't there.

I came home and cooked a roast dinner and washed the car and cleaned out the inside, and hand washed some work shirts as mine were already dirty.
By the time all that was done, it was just time for a little study time and then an early night.

I woke this morning to the wind and rain. I went out and grabbed the papers and drove carefully. It was very dark, the clouds made the early morning extremely dark and also warm.
The roads out to the village where I drop the papers to the rural distributor are very slippery, the last distributor wrote her car off by sliding off the road. So I have to be very careful.
I got the papers done safely and not really running late despite being careful. I came back wet and cold and quickly got sorted and into my uni work.

I only had two work shifts booked today, one is cancelled because of the weather and the other because the person I work for is out celebrating her Birthday. Lucky her, but it means I am short of money as well and I owe for last week's therapy and then there will be this week's to pay for. What has happened to the Diocese of Winchester paying my therapy?! Aren't they supposed to pay my accommodation too? And how about some chicken? I think I need some chicken! :):):)

Anyway, long day at uni, studystudy.

Sunday, 4 October 2015

Sunday morning

Good morning,
And welcome to this service of family communion led by the Revd. JJ Nortyperson.
Today we will talk about denominations - Quick Churchwardens, lock the doors!
Take a pew, but don't take it far.
Siddownanlissen! :)
We are having a nortyservice to raise funds for the 'Bishop into Mars fund'.
I wonder how many of you have realised that a Bishop wearing his mitre is actually space rocket shaped? Yes. All we have to do is light the slightly less gassy end and off he goes!
A cartoon has been commissioned as a campaign stamp.

Well yesterday evening I studied a bit, I find cross referencing between books and CD-ROMs quite tricky.
I went to bed early as I was tired, but I woke tired and headachy from vivid dreams and sent the shop a text as they didn't know when the papers would be in, they told me to come in at 7.15, so I did, and I got the rounds done easily and have been home, had breakfast and am just larking about on the internet. I am going to rest a bit today.
There were fog warnings for this morning but funnily enough after fog with no warnings yesterday, this morning was mainly clear, mist drifting through the valleys and over the sea, and I did drive through some stray mist and had to clear the windows again. The car is old and she can't efficiently clear her own windows.

Some people have been freaking about me being in Jersey. All you have to do is read the blog. I obviously am not in Jersey, prats.

October is anniversary time, a time when we reluctantly remember what was and what never will be again. Into the darkness.

Saturday, 3 October 2015

Saturday evening

Good evening,

Sorry I forgot to update.

Yesterday morning I made good time with the rounds and finished by 7.30 despite the rounds being double the size because it was local paper day.
Then I went straight to where I was collecting my mum, and there was loads of time before she arrived, so I sat in the cafe, drinking coffee and studying.

When Mum arrived, we drank more coffee. Then we came back to the flat and had a cup of tea and talked while Mum read some of my written work.

Then we had lunch at the greasy spoon where I have my study breakfasts.
Then we had a nice drive down to a very nice bit of coast, and it was a nice day.
I showed Mum the lifeboats and she said it was lovely there.

Then we drove a bit more until I went to drop her off to go home.

Then I came home tired, did my programmes and some tea, and had an early night.

I woke this morning still tired despite the extra sleep, and I was drinking my tea at 6am when I got a message that the papers were late and they would text when they were ready. But I am not very good at changing my routine so I went out to the car as usual and drove along the bay and then waited outside the newsagents.
The papers were ready by 7, half an hour late, so it was a good thing it wasn't a weekday as the papers have to be to the rural distributor by 6.50am at the latest in the week, otherwise all hell breaks loose.
But being Saturday, it wasn't so bad. and I did good time despite it being late, which was good as the electrician was due to visit my flat any time after 8.30. And I was back at 8.30 promptly.
The electrician arrived an hour later and fixed my bathroom light.

This morning surprised me by being foggy, proper cold winter fog. The car didn't have much water or ice on it when I set out to do the papers. But despite being sad to see the long run of beautiful clear skies and sunrises, I relished the cold winter air and fog, which wasn't dense anyway.
But between the villages, all of a sudden, all my windows iced up, I must have driven through a small patch of freezing fog, but I have never seen that sudden icing of all the windows and I had to stop and clear them.

Anyway, with the papers and electrician sorted, my only other real task was to collect the garden waste from my friend's house and take it to the tip, so I did.

Then I was free to study and relax and do what I liked.
I watched a load of 'My parents are aliens' episodes, and then got on with paperwork, and while I was at it, I redid my tax return as they lost the last one and paid me compensation but I still had to do a new one! Our Post Office now stays open until 5.30 on a Saturday so I got the tax return and other paperwork into the post.
And then I have been studying.

I was supposed to go out with my friends tonight but I am a bit low on money this weekend. Car repairs and rent are expensive creatures.

I have had a bath and I think it is my bed time now.

Today has been cold and cloudy, such a change from the weeks of warm weather!

Thursday, 1 October 2015

Thursday evening

Good evening peeps,

Well the high blog stats indicate that trouble is brewing in the church. It's a pity we can't cork them and send them into space. By the way, I am still accepting funding for the 'Dakin into Mars' project :)

I just went out and did the bins, it is windy out there and the bay is full of the lights of ships which are sheltering in the bay.

I can't remember when I last updated, yesterday?
I have been ill, and the medical centre haven't been great, sending me out with prescriptions for medicines that have been removed from circulation! Doh!

So, not a lot going on, I was off sick from work.

Tomorrow my mum is coming over for the day, so hopefully I will be OK after a night's sleep.

Nothing else to say really. Studying and plodding on. The weather has been fine but windy. Usual glorious starts to the day, which I am lucky enough to be awake to see, the dark and the glow before sunrise, the red sunrise and the early sunlight into beautiful sunshine. Awesome. If I wasn't traumatized and fearing for my life at the hands of the church I would feel joyful at it, but flashbacks often plague me in the early morning.
The waves and tides have been impressive too.

My landlady came in to look at the lights as the living room light bulb blew, and it was so high up so I climbed up to try and remove the bulb, but the bulb disintegrated, leaving  part stuck in the socket, then the bathroom light has been flickering and it is not straightforward to remove and repair so an electrician will have to do that, but my landlady repaired the living room light, and then she kindly mended my chest of drawers, which is not in her contract at all, very kind, my chest of drawers needed stabilising as the wood at the bottom had perished so the whole unit was collapsing.
My landlady is very practical, she knows all about mending things. I like being here because all I have to do here is clean my flat once a week rather than clean and maintain the whole place like I did at the last few places I have lived. The flat is easy care and fairly dyspraxia proof.

Seeing as Mum is over here for the day tomorrow and we will go out, I have done all my laundry and housework. So the weekend will be all study and rest and I am going out with my mates on Saturday night.