London

I get writers block at this point.

London, London? can't remember it, hm.

Having dealt with the patronizing dentist and the rude doctor at the same practice, I consider moving on.
Did I say about the rude doctor? well, he was just a bit impatient, but curiously enough I had just been telling the nurse that I was nervous of Doctors because my first experiences of doctors were impatient doctors who were oversubscribed and running late, and I have been damaged by their impatience that left me without treatment that I needed. Anyway I went to see the doctor and tried to explain about the problems I was having walking, and he hurried me out the door and tried to tell me that I needed to see a podiatrist at one of the daycentres. This was not acceptable because of his impatience, the fact it wasn't all a podiatry problem, and the fact that the daycentres where the podiatrist went were local connection daycentres that I had no access to.

So I registered temporarily elsewhere and in the meantime had been having osteopathy for which I referred myself and was charity funded. The osteopath said that my joints were inflamed by the wear and tear of walking in London and so it was difficult for him to work with my legsuntil the swelling went down, and did a grand job of manipulating my head and damaged spine, the new doctor referred me for physiotherapy to help the joints and so life started to look a bit less painful.

The new doctor also put me on a new inhaler as the steroid one and the reliever were not contolling my asthma.

I remember one day I was at Oxford Circus and a lady with a twin pushchair with two young boys in it was trying to get the pushchair with the boys in it down the steps, an old man hurried over to help, he staggered though and bumped into the wall, and so I came to help, as a whole crowd looked on at this step-blocking activity, between me and the girl and the old chap, we got the pushchair and boys down the steps, the old chap told the boys that they ate too much and were far too heavy, and I said it would be nice if they would install a lift in this station. Anyway, as I walked up the steps I realised I could hardly walk or breathe, I had forgotten for a few minutes that I had asthma and difficulty walking, I was just back where I used to be, helping out at every opportunity. The best thing about life was helping out, volunteering, and the church have prevented me from doing that again ever.

Going back a bit- what happened to me and my sister before my Brother picked me up:
Briefly, my sister, who meant well, thought she was doing me a favour by contacting an organization who she thought would help me, but doing it behind my back and sharing too much information including telling them of her and my differences of opinion. Unfortunately this same organization was one of a number who failed to help me during the time that the church were continuing their harm of me, despite seeming to be the organization that possibly would be able to protect me from the church, when I sent them a copy of what had happened to me they claimed to have read it and yet kept asking questions to which the answers were in what I had written, including asking what a certain person in the church was doing to hurt me, and then they told me that they couldn't help me while I was homeless and that I shouldn't remain homeless to spite the church! (when it was the church that had prevented me from being housed!)

Anyway, this organization tried to arrange behind my back with my sister, to have me picked up by the outreach, I was furious, I had told this organization to leave me alone, I hadn't agreed to my sister sharing information with them, I felt dehumanized.
I told my sister and the woman at this organization that this interaction and plans about me behind my back were to stop, this woman had hurt me and refused to help me, so why did she think she could make plans for my life against my wishes and behind my back?
This new upset was too much for me when I was so raw, London was harsh, the cult had not only reminded me of my childhood, but had hurt me in a lot of ways. Now I was dealing with my life being taken off me and rearranged by people who overrode my privacy and wishes and feelings. Me and my sister being so very different in nature were struggling to get on anyway and this was the last straw.
In writing an email to my sister and this woman about my feelings at this intervention, my laptop froze, and I slapped it in frustration and it broke, it was my lifeline for writing and internet, I used free wifi wherever I went and this tiny laptop fitted just nicely in my bag and kept me company in the cold dark sometimes with music or games of solitaire. My laptop remained broken with no hope of repair.

My sister went round making out I had agreed to her intervention and that I was just going mad, I intercepted some of this and was annoyed, she was dragging friends of the family into it who had been nothing to do with it. A few years ago when my dad died, I did a tribute to him and was asked to read it out, while I was reading it out and when the Vicar did a tribute to my dad, my sister was saying that what we were saying was just lies, she turned up for the funeral saying she was just there to support the siblings and not for my dad, and she came to stay with my other sister and took the duvet that I would have had and left me cold on the floor when I was very ill. After the funeral there were rows and upsets over all this, and yet my sister is in a position to share personal information about me with someone who has coldly turned me away and used my homelessness as an excuse and then malign me for my upset reactions.
I don't understand life, I know I can get very upset and angry, especially now, and I know from what the church have done that I am not even forgiven by God when I apologize for my upset and startled reactions.
Just to put a perspective on it, I do get angry when people invade me, but my first reaction is tears, not swearwords.

Anyway, I did my very best to ensure that my sister and this woman knew that they should not do anything further, and then I moved away from Central London for a few days, the weather chose to turn ferocious with high winds and rain then, and I had a very cold and wet night before someone took me in for a few days and I found that comforting.
Regarding the outreach, I actually went through the procedure of letting them help me when I came to London, the procedure is to give in your details and bed down somewhere pre-arranged with them so they can pick you up and place you somewhere, they never turned up, never phoned my mobile number which they were given, and when asked again, they had lost my details. That coupled with me not wanting to be in a hostel and unable to cope with being housed and afraid of the church meant that I wanted no further outreach contact.

I will sign out now as the computer is about to log off. More later.