A new town continued

The bag was passed between us as we each went back and got food and so we ended up with plenty.
The two friends invited me to go back to their house, they said I could sleep on their kitchen floor, I looked at them and wasn't sure, these were not the two most trustworthy looking of my homeless pals, I remembered my two different pals in London and how I had asked both of them if they were trustworthy before going back to stay overnight with them and how they had been safe, I ask these two if they are trustworthy, they laugh and one of them says something i don't quite understand, they say that I will be fine with them  and we will enjoy some music and a cuppa and a chat, this doesn't completely reassure me but I have to think that if they wanted to rape me then they would more likely seek out where I am sleeping rough, the girl who hugged me and her partner are taking another woman to their house as she is completely drunk, the girl said she would have taken me home otherwise, I am amazed at these people who hug and look after me and want to take me home.
My scottish pal is here and we get to chat before he disappears into the night, he and I are some of the only real rough sleepers here it seems.
The girl who hugged me earlier hugs me again, and my big issue selling pal also hugs me gruffly and says 'goodnight miss', big issue sellers call everyone 'miss, madam or sir' to be polite, and he has obviously forgotten my name. The others giggle when he hugs me 'he likes you',
'He's ok', I tell them, 'e is trustworthy', they actually don't know him and are surprised that I do, the homeless community here is very odd and different.
So the two men and me and another girl start walking back to the two men's place, they have two bedsits in a shared house with a kitchen where I can apparently kip.
On the way some very drunk men start hassling us and I am struggling to walk and frightened of being separated from my pals as these men creep round us, but the tables turn somehow when we end up laughing at them and they beat a retreat.
We get back and the men turn the music on, the grinning man's girlfriend turns up and I am surprised by her, she is pretty, quiet, nice, the other girl starts lighting cigarettes and drinking cider, it is obviously going to be party time here and I am tired, I wish I wasn't here, my pal makes me a cuppa, he tells me I can relax on the bed if I like, I am tired but not keen to invite anything by relaxing, I just want to be out of the rain and asleep for the night, the girl talks about other women she has known to be in his bed and he talks about how the police keep turning up, I am less and less keen and thinking of fleeing, but I don't want to upset anyone.
They laugh at the memory of the girl talking to the porcelain frogs when she was stoned one night, I am breathing in too much smoke and I want to go an kip down outdoors but it is hammering rain out there.

I get up and go to the door, my pal asks why, I say that I am breathing too much smoke and it is triggering my asthma, he tells me to come to the kitchen and he bring a pillow and an old sleeping bag, then some teabags and milk, 'There you go baby girl, get some sleep and have a cuppa if you want, and if you wake up, come back and join us' he says it so kindly, I am tired but nervous, I want to flee the house when he leaves the room, but I am tired, and the rain continues, so I lie down on the floor and sleep, he comes to check on me and I cannot wake to answer him, 'sleep well darling' he says and leaves the room.

I sleep, I dream that I am outside a Samaritans centre not daring to go in or phone, I dream that my older sister a year older than me is there beside me, supercilious and sneering at me as ever, she asks me how to get a ferry to the island, we are looking at Baffins pond in Portsmouth but it is also the sea, I tell her the water is too shallow and she can get a bus, the ferry out on the lake obligingly turns into a bus and drives out of the water to stop beside us.
I wake up sad, my family is gone forever, I am not part of them and our childhood forced together is gone, my sister a year older than me made every waking day hell for me because I was born a year after her and took mum's attention from her. But now I have no sister.
someone stumbles into the kitchen and sees me on the floor and stumbles out again, I call after them that it is their kitchen and they should just walk round me, but no-one returns, no-one disturbed me or tried to molest me in the night, and now it is nearly 10am on Sunday, it was gone midnight that I got to sleep and I am still tired.
my bones are aching, I slept cold and wet and my hair is sticking up, I go to the bathroom and try to wet it down, I put on deodourant but I wouldn't dare to shower here, there is no sign of life from the bedrooms and I am not going to try to wake anyone, I creep out of the house into the rain and head for church.

Mass is pretty standard, and afterwards I chat to the people who welcomed me at film club on Friday. Another lady introduces herself, she has M.E. but she says that if I want to then I can sleep at her house tonight, this sounds like an excellent idea, she needs some rest before I get there, so I will go back to her house later.
I go to the Salvation Army as I have been invited for a coffee, I am shown round and made welcome, I think I left my jumper there.

I go to the homeless meal at another church, but there are some aggressive women there and I really am not in the mood for a fight, I leave before I burst into tears and I wander until I am lost, i come upon a little Christian mission chapel where they are celebrating communion, they invite me and I join in, afterwards over a cup of tea they find out I am homeless and make me a food parcel, they tell me that they have a drop in service on wednesday and thursday, and I am welcome.
I feel better, and they direct me back towards where I need to go, I head back and go to the house where I am going to stay the night, I am welcomed and well fed and I have a much needed bath and an early night, and despite the distress of the church ripping through me I sleep for almost 12 hours, I have a nice brief breakfast and then head for the daycentre, at the daycentre I get talking to the staff who give me advice and helpful information. I go over to the jobcentre and they very swiftly transfer my claim to this benefits office, too easily, it is normally a hell of a process.
I go back to the daycentre, there are cakes there, this seems to be the norm. Then they book a lunch for me, they seem keen for me to have credit for food. It is a big lunch and I start to bring it back up almost straight away, I take a sickness tablet and bring that up as well.

I go to the homeless medical centre and they register me, I hate the thought of making myself traceable and vulnerable like this but if I need treatment then I need treatment.