This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Tuesday, 30 June 2015

Tuesday evening

Good evening,

Well I was a bit useless earlier, I tried to go back to bed, and I was exhausted but I couldn't sleep.
I got on with my music and made good progress.
And eventually I went to the beach, wandered about in the water and lay on the beach, too tired to go anywhere, and yes I did have my sun cream.

Eventually I came home, washed the beach clothes and sat in the garden doing my music studies.
Then I have watched my programmes.

I am glad I wasn't working today, it has been so hot. I don't do well with hot weather and work.
I am so tired that I will go to bed soon, although I will probably wake during the night as a result.

I did a nice salad with eggs and potatos for supper, so good that I will have the same again tomorrow :)

Tuesday morning

Good morning peeps,

Well yesterday I did some work here as I waited for a delivery, then I got the message that the delivery was delayed to today or tomorrow and I could leave a note.
I was all confused about various appointments and meetings as well.

At lunchtime I grilled some lean meat, then I went to the beach for a quick dip.

When I got back I was tired and had to rest.
Then my friend collected me and I did some garden clearance.

Then I got on with my music and other studies and watched my programmes.

I went to bed at 8pm, absolutely exhausted, and pretty much slept through the night.

I woke this morning and did my papers, but I have no energy.
I got back and did bacon and eggs and had a shower.

Then I biked and posted a letter, visited a nice family who have 2 dogs, 1 tortoise and some fish, the tortoise was wandering up the garden, grumbling to itself about home insulation and hot weather.
Tortoises are amazing.

Then I went to physio, and they exclaimed that I should be in bed and I should ease of the work and the exercises and rest, they sent me home, and they are right. I only had three hours work booked today and I have postponed that.

It is a roaring sunny day, everything is enhanced by the sunshine and blue sky, especially the hills, but I am in my bedroom and am going back to bed :( No beach, no swim, no energy.

And to make it all worse, my University prep course site is down so I can't work on my studies while I am supposed to be in bed and am not, I have tried to be in bed, but I am not programmed to do all this horrible resting during the day. I can do some music, I guess.

My gay friend wants to cuddle me, that is nice isn't it? I am not being prejudiced but gay men are so sensetive and such good company. Now don't start on me about being prejudiced, please. Safe cuddles are good when you feel safe and comfortable with someone. I rarely do any physical contact at all, and never unless I feel safe.

Monday, 29 June 2015

Monday morning

Good morning,

Well yesterday I did a good roast dinner but was too ill to really enjoy it.
In the evening I watched 'Humans' and wrote a letter.
I had another restless night with nightmares.
I woke feeling too ill to do the round, but I did it anyway.

The sea is calm in the morning sunshine and there were already grockles out on the front, exclaiming with their usual ignorant knowledge, about the bay.

I will be home this morning, waiting for a delivery, and doing some gardening and paperwork, then I have some work this afternoon and hope to look at a garden as well.

Sunday, 28 June 2015

Sunday evening

Good evening,

Well I did the papers this morning, came home and started feeling ill again.
I went out to work.
I felt tired and ill but I managed a few hours work, including fixing the faulty mower where I was working.
This was with my new gardens.

I have simply been at home ill today.
I slept but I dreamed a lot. Some upsetting dreams.

Now I am awake, still ill.
I am gonna write a letter to a friend.

The weather has remained grey and cloudy, but it is due to be scorching sunshine for a few days, not ideal for my work.

I must get my working week in order.

I am so ill but I am not programmed to sleep or rest during the day and I am hating having to do that.

Humans is on later on 4, did anyone else see the trailers for it and think 'That looks interesting'?

Sunday morning

Good morning,

Well, thank you for the new interest in the blogs, the stats are good.

Last night I felt OK about staying up to watch Kickass and do paperwork.
I had to work out my gross income and expenses since I became self-employed.

Then I got into my nice comfy bed with it's clean linens and I slept a reasonably peaceful night, I woke a few times with crazy dreams but not nightmares and I woke feeling not too bad this morning.

The day started cloudy, and the sea was messy, while a cloud of what looked like pollution, hung over the Great Hill.
I got the papers out, the Sunday round isn't too bad.

I got my paper round wages, so I went to the shop on the way home and got some food and things, I got bacon and eggs because I have been missing my weekend bacon and eggs recently.

So I did bacon and eggs for me, and the cat got a handful of Dreamies, because he likes them. He is lazing on the patio now the sun is out.
I have also prepared the potatos for lunch, peeled, and soaked in garlic and herbs and boiling water.
When I get home from work I will put them in the microwave and then drain them and put them in the oven.

I have plenty of time for a shower before going to work for an hour or two, and then I think I will have  a quiet day here, doing some studying, I am feeling a lot  better but not really up to hog roasts or welfare meals. I need quiet time.

The headlines in the papers this morning were to do with the massacre in Tunisia, especially about a 16 year old British lad who's family was gunned down and he was injured but he went to help other survivors. Wow! I guess he was celebrating the end of school and enjoying a holiday after his exams, what an awful thing to happen to his holiday! :(

I wanna abseil off the Shard, anyone else want to? :) I could earn some cash by cleaning the windows on the way.
Hm, no more bonbons.

Saturday, 27 June 2015

Saturday evening

Good evening,

Well despite feeling really ill this morning and after a bad night, I at least went to assess the new offers of work. And because I have now been off sick for three days and my working week is Monday-Saturday, I agreed to do a little bit of work on a new garden tomorrow morning. This is also because I only have two days to get gardens done in the coming week before I am working away from home for two to four days again.

Anyway, I felt tired and sick but I biked home along the cliffs, watching hopefully for the first sails of the regatta that I would have taken part in if I had not been ill.
And I was in luck, the first sail came storming round with a good lead, spinnaker flying.
It was a hot sunny day and I felt content to freewheel off the cliff path and back down the hill to my home.

Resting is not my strong point, so after reading for a while and putting the linens on to wash, I biked slowly down to the beach and wandered into the cool, soothing sea.
Then I sat quietly and watched the sails.

When I came home, I hung the linens out, and decided it was high time a BBQ happened, and because I was alone, I just did a little BBQ, I did some sausages and burgers, with ketchup and salad, bread, and I had a huge jug of barley water and I sat on the bench in the sun and read my book, very nice, and also a gold star because actually planning and doing a BBQ was on my challenge list, I know I can do BBQs but they take co-ordination and time.

After that, I did all the housework, everything that usually gets left until Sunday, and I am too stupid to rest when I am ill, even if I cannot do a professional job for my business customers, I can go mental with things at home without damaging anyone but me.

Anyway, so spotless house, then it is paperwork time! And at last my student finance paperwork is done!
And ledger, expenses and all sorts of other stuff.
Plus the bed is made up in clean linens. I hope I sleep better tonight, pain and fever and nightmares have become a habit and although I am doing a lot, I am still ill.

But, I have also been watching Kick-Ass, the film that reminds me so much of Jersey.

Bed time soon, I am allowed to stay up and see the end of kickass, doesn't happen often but maybe I will be tired enough for deep sleep.

It has been a sunny day.

Tomorrow's paper round is not too bad although the papers are big, there are less houses on the Sunday round.
And then an hour or so of gardening and then a normal day.
Car boot sales, joining my mates at a hog roast on the beach if I feel up to it (unlikely) or even going to welfare and getting a pat on the head and some tasty food.

Saturday morning

Good morning,

Well I dozed off again last night, and woke a few hours later, boiling hot after being too cold, and having had nightmares again, the death, ghosts and monsters type.

I did everything I could to cool down and stop the flashbacks and then I slept again.

I woke this morning feeling tired and ill, but awake enough to get up, have a cuppa and go to deliver the concrete slab Saturday papers.
I have just got back from that.

The weather is warm and sunny with a fairly calm sea but enough breeze for the regatta.
I could have been out on a boat today if I had accepted an offer, but no way while I am ill, have you ever been on a boat when you are ill? It is awful.

I have gardens to assess and I would have gone to a summer show but I am so tired.

I will assess gardens, rest, and watch boats later.

The news headlines are of a gunman killing a load of people on a beach and laughing. How awful.
And the news that Janner is to face prosecution. Many years too late and at the cost of a few lives. I am proud of the survivors who have fought for this. Well done.

My Mum fought for Janner to face justice, Decades ago, and Vaz and the police and others blocked her efforts and made our lives hell. There was a whitewash by Chief Inspector Foster, which my Mum had really hoped would come to something. It must have been awful for her.
I know how she felt now, because I have the Diocese of Winchester.

Last night I was feeling so ill that I texted my adoptive mum and asked for chikky soop, she said they were at Glastonbury so I said some magical tobacco would do just as well :)

Sunshine and Saturdays and beaches to you all.
There is no bacon and eggs today, I must remember how to go shopping.

Midnight Friday-Saturday

Good midnight,

Why the hell are you awake when there is so much sleeping to be done? Doesn't your bed look sumptuous and soft?
I am awake because I was so ill I fell asleep at 8pm and woke at 11pm because 8pm is too early to sleep, I woke from very vivid dreams about being caught up in a local shooting after the police had tried and failed to trace the gunman, who they knew was on the loose, it was far too vivid and the actual locations in the dream are real local area with all the genuine stuff, the sequences and conversations and everything were like real life, I have no idea why I dreamed it but it was scary, I do not know why I get these dreams at all, I woke up feeling very ill and have tried to take meds but this illness is not responding, the sore throat is back with a vengeance and my temperature won't drop, not even with nice cool flannels and paracetamol.

I appear to have a lot of stats from the UK, at this time of night, what is wrong with you? Stop reading my boring blogs and go and get me something that will soothe this illness.

Friday, 26 June 2015

Friday evening

Good evening,

This horrible virus tiredness, it is so much worse than the rather nice tiredness that comes from working hard, and I would rather be out working than on an enforced rest at home, but I think it is a good thing that today's work was cancelled, I feel awful.

I was Ok to wake early and get the papers out, and my throat is less raw as I have been using saline, but as the day has gone on I have got more tired and ill, I have been doing paperwork, and I did sleep for an hour earlier, but I don't feel better.

I have also been reading a book called 'When Daddy comes Home'.By Toni Maguire, it reminded me horribly of what the Church of England have done to me, and it caused mild flashbacks, but it brought healing and comfort as well, because sometimes hearing other survivors' stories of the way they are treated for being abused reminds me I am not alone, and all the denials from the Church of England doesn't change a thing.

The cat has spent the afternoon contemplatively trying out dozens of sitting and sprawling positions on the patio, he even tried my knees when I sat on the step, it is rare to see him not washing or sleeping, just trying out different ways of sitting and sprawling.

I appear to have freaked the Church of England, presumably because I told them there was an interview on my blog. They appear to have had to pay a lot to prevent me being interviewed or heard. At least I know how to freak them.

I had a brief bike ride along the bay, and it clouded over on the hills and a few raindrops fell, so I bought some milk and came home, just watching the usual programmes now, feeling absolutely blergh.
I have work tomorrow.

Jersey have the Island Games, and I don't mean the games in the States Chamber on Tuesday, those go on week after week.

A seventh> interview with HG, I think she lost count...

1. Do you like having your photograph taken? Why? Or why not?
No, not really, but on the other hand I don't mind it terribly. My adoptive mum and friends seem to like photos and things, and my Mum once took one of my photo collages to a fellowship meeting to show it off to everyone there, photos of my life, there aren't that many but I guess photos are a good way of remembering good times.

2. Do you like taking photographs? What are your favourite scenes?

Yes, I am a keen photographer, I like to do landscapes, seascapes, wildlife and animals, trains and events.
3. Photographs: do you like scenes or photos of people most, or both? Why?

Scenes, I am too autistic to look at pictures of people much, and I like to see different scenes and landscapes, however, I am quite happy to get photos from my penpals of themselves so I know what they look like.
4. Do you paint or draw? What do you paint or draw?

I don't really paint or draw, for the last 15 years or so, people have tried to get me to paint and draw because a common perception is that it is 'therapeutic' I am not artistic in the painting and drawing way and I get bored and fed up with being encouraged to draw and paint. After my unhappy art classes last year, I refuse to paint or draw.
5. Do you write poetry or short prose? Which do you prefer?

I guess what I write would loosely be described as prose, more often described as rubbish, a bit like rappers just simply  describing life situations while some people say that isn't music, I just write about life and feelings and it isn't really poetry, in 2012, my supporters and I described it as un-poetry as I used it  to help draw me out of the darkness and back into life. It is kind of prose.

6.  Do you know any flower names? Latin names or common names? List a few.

Yes, I had to learn all the ruddy Latin names at college. Verbena bonariensis (my favourite), Fraxinus excelsior, Fraxinus badcanonus, (bahaha), Juniperus horizontalis, etc etc.

7. What is your favourite domestic flower?

Verbena bonariensis
8. What is your favourite wild flower?

Bluebell (English not the invading overseas ones)

8. Do you keep flowers or grow flowers? If you don’t but could, would you, and what would you have?

Complex question.We have a lovely garden where I live, but although I do some work in it, I do not actively grow plants, not this year anyway. I am too busy building up a business and preparing for university.
Yes, I would love to have greenhouses and grow plants again, and maybe next year I will.
I would grow fuschias and Pelargoniums if I could. I am a gardener so I work with plants a lot, but just this year, only just back in work, I don't have the time or facilities to grow plants this year.

9.  Have you been swimming this year? Was it cold?
If you mean sea swimming, yes, I swam for the first time this year a few weeks ago and it was cold., and I swam yesterday and it was warm.
I swim in the pool all year round and it is kind of tepid.

Friday morning

Good morning peeps,

Well yesterday I really wasn't well enough for work, I struggled to get up and crawled round my paper round.
When I got home I cancelled everything.

But I am not very good at resting.

So I crawled up to the surgery to drop off another prescription form that is no use to me because I still don't have a certificate and still can't even pick up all the last lot of meds. But I have to go through the motions.

Then I went to the next town to get some work jeans as mine are worn through to holes. The next town is good for shopping.

I came home, should have been resting but I am not very good at resting so I went down to the beach, swam gently in the warm clear sea, and sunbathed. Then I was tired and sick enough to rest when I got home.

Then someone postponed the work I had postponed until today, until Monday, how annoying! 
I have just one garden to go and assess today and two tomorrow when I was hoping to do other things.

I had another bad night, waking up boiling hot and in pain and from nighttmares, so I opened the windows, took meds and had a drink of barley water and re-arranged the bedding before falling asleep again, I was having flashbacks yesterday evening and until I fell asleep, I had more flashbacks.

The sea is flat calm and a bit misty this morning, the sky is a bit gloomy, , I took the blue bike for a canter along the front as we got to the paper shop too early in my enthusiasm to get the heavy Friday round done.
Friday is local paper day, and most of the usual customers have a local paper as well as their usual paper,and then there are extra customers who just have a local paper, so the round is big and heavy.
Anyway, as I am now a bit better than the last few days, I got the round out with no problems, and I got my local paper and have already read it.

Now I have miles of paperwork to do.

Cough meds, throat sprays and everything else just weren't helping, so I am back to using good old saline solutions to clear this cold. And I am a bit better, this is one of those new viruses that mainly consists of a raging sore throat  and chest infection rather than blocked or runny nose, it is not fun. Not that any virus is fun.

It must be breakfast time.

Thursday, 25 June 2015

Thursday morning

Good morning peeps,

Urgh, I don't feel well.

Tuesday night I felt ill and woke during the night needing meds.

I woke on Wednesday feeling tired and ill and dragged myself out on the paper round about 10 minutes late.

I got home and scuttled through my shower and breakfast and other things, then I hurtled out of the house to hitch a lift to work with my friend.
My friend had to stop at the bike shop on the way and so I nipped into the post office and posted a letter and some post cards to my pen friends.
Everyone wants post cards! :) I got a whole bundle of them while I was on holiday so as not to miss anyone out.

I went to work, and despite feeling ill, worked hard in the hot sun, maybe that was a mistake, but all the work I needed to do was in the sun.
After work I got some lunch and lay on the bank of the estuary, enjoying my lunch and the warm summer's day.
I got the offer of two more gardens, so I have three to view and assess this week, and next week is mad because I am working away from home for three or more days as well.

Anyway, my friend came to collect me and we decided I wasn't fit for any more work that day, so we went and had a nice soothing ice cream up on the hill, then she dropped me home so I could park in my bed and do a spot of snoozing.

However, when I got home, HMRC had written to me, and actually, despite being annoying, it was more positive, they just had one more flaming hoop for me to jump through, and I managed to find the bit of paper they wanted and send it by next day delivery before falling into bed and snoozing.

I woke up feeling no better.
I tried to get through my student finance paperwork and messed it up.
I got three books from the chattery shop but I was too ill to do much reading.
the day was so glorious that I felt I should be on the beach, not working, being ill or grocery shopping.

And I had another ill night and could barely crawl out of bed this morning to do the papers.
It was a misty morning with the sun breaking through, the eastern hills hidden in mist but the Great Hill clear and sharp.
I crawled round my round, and decided it is definitely a sick day today, so I have postponed my garden clearance and garden assessment to tomorrow, with every hope that it doesn't rain! :(

Mad week. Next week is more mad.

I will finish my pen letters and postcards today and do odds and ends. But mainly I genuinely need to rest. I feel like jelly, jelly with a sore throat and temperature. I will have to go to the clinic tomorrow evening if I don't start getting better, because people with asthma have to contact the medicals if they have a chest infection for more than 4 days.

I thought there was contract work this weekend but it is Thursday and none has been sent through, never mind, I am busy enough. Two gardens to assess on Saturday and one tomorrow.
So much else on on Saturday.

Tuesday, 23 June 2015

Tuesday evening

Good evening,

What a busy day.

This morning when I got back from delivering papers and directing lost grockles - Grockles shouldn't be allowed out before 7.30 anyway -  I put the washing on as I showered, then put the dishwasher on when the washing was on the line.
Then I went to physio.
I think there is an improvement in my non-working muscles, and the physio said I am fit and strong apart from the dysfunctions, that was so awesome to hear!
I am not completely fit and strong, my lungs are useless, but I am working out working round my disabilities.

Anyway, I came out of physio, and couldn't believe my eyes when I saw my friend's dogs tied up outside, so I sat with the dogs until my friend and his carer came out, and so they were surprised, like I was when I saw the dogs.
My friend lives about 8 miles away, but he was in for another clinic.

Anyway, after a chat with them, I biked to work. My hard work shift, I was a bit worried that the chest infection and sore throat would slow me down but they didn't.

I worked peacefully and then biked back through the beautiful countryside under a sunny sky, I stopped at a garden centre to get some shears for one of my customers, and then stopped at my friend's house on the way, I just needed to make some arrangements with her, but she invited me in for a cuppa and a chat, and then she put me and my bike in the car and gave us a lift home.
Saved from trekking up the hills! :)

At home, I grilled some meat and watched my programmes, already very tired but my day hadn't ended, bin night is housework night, so I did the hoovering, mopping, cleaning and bins, then I tested the new shears on our hedges and trees, they work well and I get paid to garden here, so it was all good, and the neighbour came to chat, I know him because he has the last paper on my paper round, he lives next door and has a beautiful garden.

I am roaring tired now, so tired I will sink through the bed and float off.
I am also suffering headache and sore throat and chest infection, the price of that hard working holiday.
The physio this morning showed me exercises to help straighten my twisted legs a bit and also exercises to loosen the trapezium muscles that cause so much pain. I must now go and practice these, goodnight.

Tuesday morning

Good morning peeps,

I slept through the night and woke up feeling tired after having dreams I can't remember.
I got up and had a cuppa before going to deliver the papers.

I found the papers easier to deliver after the hard work of the week, but having a chest infection and the high pollen count made breathing harder.

The bay was calm in the early morning sun, and a few yachts were moored. I thought it must be nice to have breakfast out there on a boat, I remember things like that from when I used to sail.

I have physiotherapy and then work, and I have to bike to all of that.

I need to arrange an assessment of a new garden that has been offered. It is a big garden apparently, on the high cliffs, hm, that'll be fun, I wonder if it is near my paramedic friend's garden, I would like to say hi to him but I never go up onto the cliff.

I have a bit of time now to shower and to get breakfast and try to sort my working week out as there are a few uncertainties.

The sun is shining and it will be a hot day for cycling around.

Monday, 22 June 2015

Monday Afternoon

Good afternoon,

Home, sweet home! :) Back to putting the bins out, changing light bulbs, waking the cat up and telling him to eat, and clearing up after my scatty housemate.

Well, I worked hard on my working break, and ended up with a massive migraine and a chest infection. It seems I can't win.

Music exam over, I am going to skip a level and go to the next level from that in the Autumn.

I am still recovering from my working holiday, but also getting back into my routine, the migraine means I didn't stay away and travel for a few more days as planned, so I return to paper deliveries in the morning, then physiotherapy, then I have a work shift after that, and the contract work is likely to be on for the weekend, so I am just doing my ledger and work plan for the week.

I have unpacked, done all the holiday washing (all my clothes!) I have got a bit of shopping, I have got back to my prep courses and other paperwork, I have changed lighbulbs and cleaned surfaces and toilets and emptied bins. My poor old cat is so sleepy and old all of a sudden, that I have to wake him up and get him to eat his food. It is not long since he used to wake us up by begging for food, but now he is tired and looks all bedraggled and can hardly jump or climb any more, he has gone downhill fast, he is 14 or 15 years old.

Back to the hamster wheel.
The sun is shining and the sea is blue and green and I am tired but glad to be home. Glad the church didn't take my home away while I was away.

Saturday, 20 June 2015

Friday, 19 June 2015

Friday Morning

Good morning,

Well, we did an 11 hour shift in the freezing wind yesterday.
The wind didn't die down as expected.
Then we had curry and I went to sleep.
I woke at 5.30 as usual and went and had a shower.
My music exam is tomorrow.
How can that be when I am away working?
The exam board transferred my exam to the centre nearest where I am working.
How nice of them.

Thursday, 18 June 2015

Wednesday morning


We finished work at about 11pm after a long hard day's work.
I am in a little pop up tent.
I haven't had many hours sleep as it was about 1am before I got to bed, and not used to sleeping rough any more, then I was up as usual at 5.45, and I have had a long hot shower in the shower block, done my teeth, meds and everything else necessary.
The toilets are a bit trashed.

I am just waiting for the boss to get up and put the generator on so I can have a cuppa!

Internet is intermittent so I don't know when I will next write.

Wednesday, 17 June 2015

Wednesday morning

Good morning peeps,

Well yesterday I worked a 12 hour shift of hard work, I knew when I agreed to this working holiday that the emphasis was on 'working' and it will certainly show me how capable I am of working longer hours and doing physical work. So far so good, we have got a lot of the hard work done.
We got home at midnight and we had kebabs for supper.
What is a kebab? Mystery.

I woke as normal without any alarms, woke ready to deliver papers but I am on holiday from that, 6am, autowake, when I only got to bed after midnight, but I am  not tired, I am achy. We don't start until midday today so that is good, I can rest. But, we start camping tonight, which is a bit daunting for me.

Yesterday one of the male helpers started being a pest, and despite the diocese of winchester and deanery of Jersey destroying me for reporting the churchwarden when in the church of england sexual abuse is supposed to be a perk of the job, I spoke up, I did the same as I did with the churchwarden at first, told the guy to stop or I would hit him, but that didn't work, so I told the boss and he put a stop to it. I don't accept sexual abuse or harassment despite the church trying to tell me it was acceptable and that I am the evil one for reporting it.

I am going to do some music revision now. 3 days to the exam.

Tuesday, 16 June 2015

A Sixth Interview with HG

Despite being far from home on holiday, I have more interview questions to answer:

1. Sea or Pool? I know you like swimming, but which do you prefer? The open sea at a beach or an indoor pool? Why?

Sea, although it is difficult to get a regular swim due to the weather. Our local pool is small and gets clogged with old ladies who stand in the lanes and chat during the morning swimming sessions, how annoying. I have just started sea swimming for the year but will still pool swim along with my gym sessions. The good thing about the beach is there is always room, we have miles of sandy beach and it is good to do a quick sunbathe too, I am not a lying on the beach person, nerves and ADHD mean 10 minutes is enough. 
I live a few minutes from the beach, so it is easy to fit in a swim and sunbathe.

  2. Travel – where is the furthest place you have ever travelled to (outside the UK) Have you ever visited Ireland, Scotland, Wales? Where did you go? What was it like?

The furthest place I have travelled is New Zealand, but back then I was unprepared and was with someone who was scornful of my disability and resulting anxiety, so I was under too much stress to fully enjoy it, but it was an interesting experience. 

A note about travel, in the church of england, you get all the wealthy old people who have been everywhere, and because I am disabled and poor, they used to amuse themselves by saying to me 'oh, have you ever been abroad? Where's the furthest you have travelled?' the reply 'New Zealand' tended to shut them up. Haha. 

I have visited Ireland, Scotland and Wales. I absolutely adore Ireland, well who doesn't? I did a train trip across Ireland one time, I lived in Wales and worked on a sheep farm, beautiful mountains but I hated the job, the farmer was a psycho. I like Scotland, the people are friendly and kind like in Ireland and the scenery is lovely too. 

 3. Town or Country – which do you prefer?  Why?

Country, definitely, the peace and quiet and farms, I trained in agriculture and worked on farms, although due to my health, I can't work on farms now. I love open  landscapes, hills and cottage gardens with bird song in the early morning. I do also enjoy towns, I like art and architecture, so towns are a good source of those, I also love museums and local history, call me boring but I find it all fascinating.

 4. Birdsong – can you identify any birds a) by sight b) by song? Which ones.

Yes, I know a number of birds by sight or song, my adoptive parents are bird fanatics and I am learning from them. I know the birds of prey, and some common garden birds. I know a few bird songs, mainly robin and blackbird, of course, the blackbird has such a lovely song during the season.
 5. Summer is coming. Do you like ice cream? Do you have a favourite ice cream?

Yes, I like ice cream, I tend to get my ice cream from a little place run by locals on the seafront, they are nice and they know me, the other place I go for ice cream with my friend in the car is on the viewpoint above the town, there is an ice cream van owned by a local company and they do really good ices, not horrible liquidy stuff, real solid tasty stuff, we sit up there and enjoy the view and eat our ices. And my favourite flavour is rum and raisin. I like solid ice cream, not whipped stuff.

 6. Web Addicted – can you survive without the internet? Or do you feel withdrawal symptoms (I do!). What parts of the internet do you use – web browsing, Facebook, Twitter? What do you tend to look at online?

I am not severely web addicted, I find it a relief not to be online sometimes. I do find the internet very helpful though.In fact the internet is fairly essential for me as I strive to run an efficient business and also prepare for exams and do prep courses for my university degree, things like that. I do a lot of interactive learning online and also communicate with people who are studying languages and interested in the international community. I don't bother with facebook much, I am too autistic for that kind of thing, but twitter is great for human rights activism and news. I also blog, as you know. Life is so full, and the internet is just part of that, I guess I need it for my life but I also like to be doing other things such as music, sport and work.

 7. Egg – do you like eggs? What egg dishes can you cook? Which do you like the most?

Eggs again! I occasionally do fried eggs as part of a healthy fry-up, and boiled eggs for sandwiches, I like eggs but my tummy doesn't, so I don't have many.
 8. Activity – how do you keep fit?

My work is physical, as you know, so that helps, I also bike around, I deliver papers by bike every morning normall (not this week as I am away) I also do swim and gym whenever I can. I can't run as my legs and back and lungs are too shot, but I used to love running and I feel useless now that I can't.
 9. Christianity – what’s most important for you about your faith?

My faith has been so shattered by the events of the last 7 or more years that it is barely there, I don't go to church any more as it distresses me and it seems that the diocese can catch up with me through any church and have me treated like dirt and thrown away. Their attitude while they claim to be Christians and a Christian church is the death blow to my faith, the way they have left me suffering is the last straw.

Tuesday morning

Good morning peeps,

Well I slept well after my day's travelling yesterday (and the day before) and woke automatically without the alarm at about 5.30.
I got up and got tea and toast, it is a rainy day, we start work at about 10am, and I was first to get up, so I am showered, fed and medded.
The strain of the travelling means I am on painkillers, but I am not in agony, so it doesn't matter that I couldn't afford my prescription painkillers before I left home.
I hope the hard work doesn't leave me ill and in pain.

It's such a pity I can't write more about this working holiday, but after the way I was treated when the Korris rubbish was released, I have to be careful not to put my life in danger.

Monday, 15 June 2015

Monday evening

Very tired.
A few lines.
Two days in transit, arrived.
Plenty of food, and so tired,
it is bed time.
Good night.

Sunday, 14 June 2015

Sunday Morning

Good morning,

Well this is it.

I slept well, especially as the cat decided to go out at bed time.
I was worrying a bit in my sleep but not too bad, no nightmares.

I woke at 5.30, and I have had a few cups of tea as I have been doing last minute packing.
My housemate is up, she obviously has an early shift. She has promised to put the bins out on Tuesday (haha, we shall see!).
I just need a shower and then I will go and get the papers out at 7am.
Then when I get back, my friend will be collecting me and taking me and my luggage to the rocket launching site.

I am still quite anxious, being away from home, it is quite scary for someone who was homeless and who has settled.

It is a grey day, a bit humid, and the birds are having a festival in the garden.

Talking of festivals, weekend and monday morning travel will be very crowded and busy, and I am a bit nervous.

Saturday, 13 June 2015

Saturday evening

Well I had a lovely morning watching 'My Parents are Aliens' and studying at the same time.
Then I went biking about, running errands and I went to pick up my meds, the doctor had done a painkiller prescription with two types of painkiller together and it counted as two prescriptions, which meant I had five, but as I still don't have a certificate, I would have had to pay and I can't afford five prescriptions before I go away, so the pharmacist was very nice and we decided I would collect my asthma tablets and combination inhaler today and the rest when I get back, which is fine, I will be OK without the rest of the stuff for the moment and at least I can breathe better now I am back on my breathing meds.

Anyway, it has been a nice day, the bay was beautiful in the sunshine.

I have spent the afternoon and evening packing while watching television.
I intended an early night two hours ago, haha.
A five page checklist and several other itineraries and lists have all been sorted out and I am all in order ready to go after I deliver the papers in the morning.

Goodnight. And don't fret if I don't update every day or two while I am away. I will probably be online tomorrow night.

Saturday Morning

Good morning.

I am in heaven, My Parents are Aliens is on! Back to Back! And it is Saturday and I have no work and a soft duvet and a purry cat and loads of tea.
Haha, pre-holiday, last day, less stress now, maybe.
I have managed to get my prescriptions slip, and will pick my meds up later, which is one less worry, I have comprehensive lists and instructions. Because despite me giving the illusion that I am a seasoned traveller who can easily jet between Jersey and the UK, I used to get into terrible messes and panics over it all, just because I really wasn't properly prepared or capable.

My landlady and her partner are here for the weekend and it is nice to have them around, we had pizza last night and then watched Chris Evans.

I haven't been updating for a few days.

On Thursday I had a refresher driving lesson as I have not driven since I was in Jersey and basically I shouldn't have been driving during my last few years in Jersey as I was too ill.

After my lesson, I went to work, worked hard in the hot sun, and I biked to and from work through the beautiful countryside.
When I got home, I got my swim things and went for my first sea swim, it was cold but refreshing, and then I sat in the sun and dried before getting dressed and biking home.

Yesterday I didn't have any contract work, and I had cancelled the four days of event work because I couldn't do that immediately before going away. So I had a quiet day, tired so I caught a few hours snooze after doing the heavy local papers.
Then I did the housework.

Eventually I collected my prescription thingy, which they had managed to lose and reprint. I need my asthma meds while I am away as I will be working so hard.
And then I did some revision and my friend collected me for my music lesson, and the thunderstorms hit.
The music lesson, last one before the exam, was OK, the reason I have been struggling with one of my practice pieces is that it was misprinted, I wondered why it was so hard to play!

And when I got home my landlady and her partner were home.
It is kind of nice when there are other people here and I am not having to think for the whole house, so to speak. I have no idea why I end up caretaking every property I live in, but I don't mind.

I have survived this morning's concrete slab papers, and now just tomorrow's slightly smaller round, then no papers, I am away! :) Humph, I never knew I would ever go away, although it is a working holiday.
And I am anxious.
I don't usually go on holiday do I? There is no holiday in this blog, is there? And it goes back to 2011.

Friday, 12 June 2015

A Fifth Interview with HG

What are you doing just now?

Panicking, I am preparing to go away and everything is going wrong, and I am preparing for a music exam, basically I am overwhelmed and it is not good for me.

What is your cat doing?

Pretending to be asleep on my bed while sneakily licking his paw.

What is your favourite drink?

I like tea, I drink a lot of tea, I also drink a lot of Sugar-free Barley water, especially at night and at work. I also like strong coffee.

What do you worry about?

Everything. I am a worrier, when Jane Fisher tried to have me put away as mad, the psychiatrics said I wasn't mentally ill but my levels of anxiety were extreme, and they are. I worry about money and home and the cat, I worry because, having had the experience of being mercilessly destroyed by Jane Fisher and her associate Bishops while everyone I screamed to for help ignored me and believed them, I know that it can all happen again and I cannot take my home or friends or work or anything else for granted, there is nothing to stop the church from having me beaten and imprisoned. 
So I worry for my whole life, because it is paper thin.

What are you having for tea?

I do not have tea for supper, supper is supper, tea is a hot drink. I do not know what I am having for supper as I did a hot meal at lunchtime and I have a music lesson tonight, so I will probably be doing beans and toast when I get home. It is my last music lesson before the exam.

Trying to avoid any trauma here, do you miss Jersey?

Avoiding trauma here, nope. I barely remember it most of the time.

Actually I will expand.
It is not a happy place, even for people who do well for themselves. I would love to hear otherwise.
I never saw any prospering person in Jersey happy or smiling, and I saw a lot of broken families and unhappy people, even rich people who were deeply unhappy and angry, and one person who had absolutely everything and used to regularly tell me she wished she was dead.
The image of the beautiful island and prosperity is very thin. I was talking to someone yesterday who said he was very disappointed when he saw Jersey, he saw the same as I did, a run-down, built up place with a lot of unhappy people. However, there is still a small part of Jersey which isn't yet built on, but first images of Jersey to anyone visiting by ferry are awful, and about to get worse with the new finance centre. I am relieved to say that my home is not like that, a lot of the hills around me are protected.
My first images of Jersey were: St. Hellier, looking awful, First Tower looking awful, litter lying around, travel shops offering paradise holidays (because Jersey isn't the paradise that a few still think it is) and so many people smoking, why, if Jersey is supposed to be a paradise island, do so many people smoke?
I would rather be here.

What's your favourite shop?


What was the last phonecall you made?

I don't use the phone unless I know the person I am phoning, due to having dysphasia problems. I phoned my friend and she is coming to take me to music practice later.

Plans for the future?

As I said in a previous question, my life remains in jeapordy because of the Diocese, and any plans I make are in danger of being destroyed and it is hard to have plans when I know that.
Flat, car, degree course, music, travel.

The rest of the questions will be answered at a later date due to it being music practice time.

Thursday, 11 June 2015

Thursday Morning

Good morning,

Well I went to bed tired at 10pm, I didn't sleep deeply, another shallow sleep night, another phase of it.
I did manage to keep the gumshield in for part of the night and my jaw is more relaxed.

I struggled to wake up, but I was out delivering papers by about 6.45.
The sea was beautiful, a full and fluffy tide, foamy waves almost up to the sea wall on a calm sunny and quiet morning.

I have come home and have made the bed, am doing breakfast and will do music and physio before I go out again at 9am.

Wednesday, 10 June 2015

Wednesday evening

Good evening,

I am just watching Hollyoaks, then I will watch the preview.
It is a lovely sunny evening, and yes I almost swam in the sea when I got home from work!

Anyway, back to where I left off yesterday. I really was ill and had to postpone yesterday's work to tomorrow, how annoying, stacking work towards the going away date.

So, after I postponed my work, I got into bed and slept for four hours.
My friend woke me by phoning me and she came and collected me and took me to the bank because I would have gone after work to put the rent through.
So the rent got done and we had a drive around and a chat.

I spent the evening studying, until I got too tired, then I got ready for bed, including trying the new gum shield out, but as before, not being used to it kept me awake, and although I had gone to bed exhausted at 9pm, I was still lying there, chewing the stupid gum shield at nearly 10pm, so I took it out and slept, so no benefit from it yet, I just have to get used to it.

In the morning I staggered round my paper round, groggy for no reason as I had not taken 5HTP, and then headed straight for work, still worryingly groggy.
I got to work early, it was due to be a hot day and I didn't want to work in the heat of the day, but I was also allowing for potential extra hours due to being away next week.
But I didn't need to do extra hours. So I was finished by lunch time and home, ironically I used to hurry on Wednesdays to get home and have some food and a shower before going to music lessons, but now my music lesson has moved to Friday, and this Friday is the final one before I am away and then the exam.

It's funny, this has been the second Wednesday when I had run out of bread and so I had cornflakes for breakfast, and both times, I have been hungry by 10am. Normally all I have is two small wholemeal slices of toast with a bit of Bertolli on them, and that keeps me completely hunger free and energetic until lunch time. So, the test of toast against cereals is won hands down by toast.

Anyway, so I was home earlier than I knew what to do with, and after having got a lot done.
My housemate also came home, and it seemed we both wanted the shower and the washing machine, but I was only after a cold shower after hot hard work, so that was OK, then we both managed to do our washing and cook our lunch without getting in each other's way.

I went to the beach, still a bit nervous about swimming yet, but grockles were wading, so I waded and absolutely soaked my slacks, but I was wearing a swimsuit underneath, the sea is warm enough to swim in but it was rough enough for windsurfers so maybe a swim would have been too much.

I came home, put the washing out.  And have been struggling to get anything done, I have got some of my lists done but at the moment it is all study, revision, and the incomprehensible preparation for going away.

The cat is asleep on my bed, he has clawed me a few times, just because he is rude. But he has also purred and slammed his head against my leg a lot, cats have hard heads, I wonder if he realises this?

I forgot to say, I did back Golden Horn for the Derby, well the form was rubbish for the rest, it was a given, but it makes up slightly for the National going wrong :) I never bet money, I just choose a horse, and Golden Horn was the only one with a chance, especially with Dettori riding him.

My previous post is another interview, if you are interested.

A fourth interview with HG...

I think the interviewer has an inkling that I have a cat, I also think I have been asked the languages question in another interview.

1. What’s your favourite name for a cat?
We used to have a cat called Caliban. I don't think you can beat that! 

2. Do you have a cat? What do you feed it?
We have a cat, he can be a monster but his name is not Caliban. He is asleep on my bed, upside down as I write this, he is irresistable like that and I want to tickle his tummy but he would not be amused. He is fed from an auto-feeder which holds up to three weeks feed, he has scientific formula cat food that is supposed to keep him healthy, and he is strong and quick and in good condition for a 14 year old. I have to be careful when he wants to play 'swipe through the bannisters' because he is so quick that I can end up with shredded skin.
3. Do you ever vote?
No. Maybe this year was as close as I got to considering voting, but I didn't need to as our guy got back in anyway.
4. If you voted, would it be Conservative, Labour, Liberal, UKIP, Green, Monster Raving Loony or Other? Why?
I would have to vote conservative because of the huge damage that the current and last government have done and are doing to the voiceless vulnerable in the benefits system.
5. Do you prefer eggs poached, fried, hard-boiled, in an egg cup, scrambled? What would you eat them with?
I don't often eat eggs due to having a slight reaction to them, not full blown allergy but discomfort. I do like a fried egg as part of a healthy fry up at the weekend, eggs with rindless back bacon, fried in fry-lite and with some slices of small wholemeal loaf and Bertolli. Yummy. I occasionally boil eggs for sandwiches but I see no point in scrambled eggs as they seem tasteless to me.
6. Do you ever have soft boiled eggs, and do you make bread “soldiers” to go with them?

No, I am not a toast and soldiers person, partly because I grew up without that kind of thing and no-one ever introduced it to me until Jersey when the churchwarden kept trying to show me how to knock the top off a soft boiled egg, but being dyspraxic, I can't really do it, and it is so much trouble. 
7. Do you ever eat prunes? Have you ever eaten prunes?

Yes, prunes are nice, I have had them sometimes when I was a child when prunes were on offer, my dad would buy them. They taste OK and they have their uses, but I don't tend to buy them. Actually I don't tend to buy tins at all, because I really dislike the metal that they are made of and opening tins sets my teeth on edge.
8. If you have, did you put the stones around the plate, counting them, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier Sailor etc....?

No, not with prunes, we used to do that with plum stones when I was a child, I think.
9. What’s your favourite out door temperature (in centigrade please!)? What’s too hot? And too cold?

Interesting question, this morning I was chatting to my autistic friend, we are on a similar spectrum but he is a genius and he asked if I counted temperature in Centigrade or Farenheit, but my reply was that I can't count in either, I have a learning difficulty called dyscalculalia, which means I have very little ability to measure anything. I think when I read temperatures on a chart, when it says -3 that means cold, 10 or 15 means mild, and 25 or 30 means hot.

10. What’s your favourite soup? Do you make your own?

I like lentil soup, or chicken soup, I don't like tinned soup, I am OK with some packet soup but sometimes I have allergic reaction if there is powdered milk in it. I don't often make soup due to my life being about running around like a headless chicken.
I have occasionally made chicken soup, but to be honest, not very often. I can't stay home and watch it, I am more likely to make stew anywhere.
11. What foreign languages can you speak? How well can you speak them?

I think someone asked me this before. I was brought up speaking Hebrew as well as English but it has been so long that I only remember some of it, and it always amuses me when people in churches mispronounce it dismally when doing readings. I speak some French, and French will be part of my degree course. I studied French at Evening class in Jersey. I know a few words of Portugese and some Italian, I had a working holiday in Italy and also did a certificate course. I did an Irish Certificate as well.  I am not really a linguist yet, but I fully intend to improve my languages, and I have penpals in various countries, it is so interesting to learn about language and culture, and I am looking forward to University.

Tuesday, 9 June 2015

Tuesday morning

Good morning peeps,

Well this is a right old mess isn't it?

Yesterday I worked hard in the hot sun, doing garden clearance and was happy with that, enjoyed a chat with my friend as she gave me a lift home.
Got home, saw more distressing rubbish on the internet and I forgot Hollyoaks and supper and just sat there numb for three hours.
None of what I needed to do got done, and by the time I realised I had to eat or my blood sugar would be drastic, I was in my housemate's way as she gets a late supper and I get an early one and we normally plod happily along with our routines not clashing.
But when people blog or broadcast or print rubbish about my case, and I collapse, my supper and washing up get left until it gets in the way.

Anyway, in the end I was able to talk to someone until I felt a bit better, and then I went to bed, having not even done my physio exercises because I couldn't.
I slept very badly and was woken by the stupid cat at 5am, not at all amused.

I got to the shop early for my papers and they hadn't marked my round yet, because I am somewhere in the middle, not first or last, usually, so I was early.
I walked over to the sea wall while I waited, the sea was waving gently at the golden sand and the sun was shining dreamily.
The papers got done, and I came home and the cat was sick all over the kitchen floor.
Stupid cat.
There was a dying bee crawling along near the cat sick and I wondered if it had stung the cat and made it sick, but then I noticed what looked like a sting in my arm, which may have been a bee sting and I had never even noticed, but the cat had been sick of a huge hairball, and he could have been kind enough to do so outside. Stupid cat.
Anyway, so the kitchen is now mopped.

I was due to do a lot of paperwork this morning, but I have not felt good, so not much has been done.
I have sent a message asking to postpone this afternoon's work until later in the week, and am awaiting a reply, it is not ideal as it messes up my client's plans and it also means I am stacking work up towards when I go away, which is not ideal either, and my rent is due and as I still live hand to mouth, I needed the money today.

If I can cancel today's work, I have studying to do, plenty of it, and I would rather stay home and study.

My new gum shield arrived today, I had to buy it as NHS dental help is nearly non-existant here at the moment, so it is not made from a plasticine mould, so it won't fit snugly like the NHS ones do, but hopefully it will stop the now severe teeth grinding and clenching which is making me more ill.

Monday, 8 June 2015

Monday Morning

Good morning,

Last night I fell into bed and slept like I was dead.
I woke with vague dreams this morning, almost worrying in my sleep.
I got up and was out delivering papers at 6.30.
I got home and my housemate was just preparing to go to work, and worrying as she did.

We have a potential new housemate, but the new housemate was likely to come this afternoon when we were both at work, but now she will come when my housemate is home from her shift, and I will still be out, as I will work this afternoon and then do swim and gym if I have the energy.

This morning I have done my music practice, done my physio, done some housework, done some revision on my computer-based music programme, been to post letters, biked along the front and had an ice cream, and been doing paperwork and emails.
I need to hang the washing out now, put the lunch on, and do an hour's gardening here before going out to work.
It is a glorious sunny day and has been since before I woke up, the sea is calm and lapping gently on the golden sand and people are sunbathing and walking in the tide.
If I have any time tomorrow morning, I will sunbathe and go in the sea, for as long as I can without worrying about everything I need to be doing.

Sunday, 7 June 2015

Sunday evening

Good evening,

Well this morning, I got my round done quickly but made an error and had to put it right, Sunday route is different from weekdays,
then, after trying to get too much done, I headed out, went to a car boot sale briefly and then headed to the quay.
It was so hot, and I got so thirsty, but I got there, and the boat was being worked on, and so I made us sandwiches on the boat and it was all very nice, and then I headed off again, and tried to slow down and just enjoy being out and about on such a lovely day.
However, when I was on the bus, trying to decide if I would go to the other car boot sale before going to welfare, I started feeling ill and very tired, almost falling asleep on the bus, which was very strange.

So I came home, downed painkillers, never had a cool shower because I just ended up reading a book. And then I felt better, I think I got too hot, it was warm enough to swim in the sea, but I was too tired, I did go and bike along the front and watch other people swimming and sunbathing this evening.

I fed the cat some treats and frontlined him as he ate them, he immediately looked astounded and as if the world had ended and sat by the door sulking and looking so annoyed but still surprised.
Then he forgot and went to sleep on my bed, and later he clawed my leg in revenge.

I have done a decent bit of piano practice, for a change.

I also cooked special potatoes before the potatoes became useless.

Anyway, I think I will have an early night as I am shattered.

The previous post is a new interview.

A third interview with HG...

Yes, we are starting to chat a bit about Jersey in this one.

 Do you like ironing?

No! Anyone who regularly reads my daily blog knows I am obsessive about housework, but ironing is a job I avoid. And most of my clothes are simple non-iron, while my bedding is soft Jersey non-iron, like the bedding I had when I lived in Jersey! :) I love soft clothes and linens and I do very little ironing. I am happy with cleaning ovens and toilets, but I hate ironing. However, I can iron. 
Favourite activity in Jersey? What was it, who did you do it with?

Spoilt for choice with this question!  I had many  favourites, I had a great time on the tall ships, loved all the sailing, enjoyed karate and football, rock climbing, photography, basically the favourites are endless. But I can't really say on here who I did these activities with, as I do not want to cause any problems.

 How did you get about to places in Jersey?

Mainly I drove, I did do a bit of walking, running and even cycling, but not enough. In my last days in Jersey I had no car and was walking, or rather hobbling, because unnoticed, various issues with my walking had worsened and I didn't know what they were or why. Do you like old fashioned hymns? What is your favourite old fashioned hymn?

I used to enjoy some of the old fashioned hymns a lot, and would often listen to them or sing them, but due to the trauma I associate with Church, I don't really find them easy to listen to any more. I like 'Thine Be the Glory' and 'Amazing Grace' and a few others. I rarely hear or think about hymns any more, because I associate church so much with hurt and flashbacks. Do you like modern hymns? What is your favourite modern hymn?

I like some modern hymns, like most people, I have hymns I like and dislike, and again, I have the same issue of trauma that hymns can trigger, I like 'All to Jesus I surrender' and 'Shine Jesus Shine' and a number of others. Have you every seen people fainting at a church service as part of the service? Yes, I remember it being set up as a kind of show, the people laying on hands manipulate people to fall over, it still scares the hell out of me to recall the amount and depth of manipulation and some of the damage it does to vulnerable people. I suffered other kinds of deep psychological damage in such services and 'healing sessions' and know others who have been put at risk this way. I even had someone making a series of direct complaints to me about being harmed by such things in a church in Jersey, because the horrendous handling of my case meant s/he didn't dare to complain to the Dean or Diocese!!!

Which Jersey Churches did you visit (ie. see)?

Now the questions get harder, I try to remember and my mind goes terrified and blank. I will start by saying I always intended to visit St. Saviours Parish church for the historical side of things, but never got around to it. I did manage to visit the chapel at Hogue Bie a few times when I went to be enthusiastic about the archeology side of things there, awesome!  And the story about the sunlight at sunrise? Am I remembering right?

I think I visited most of the parish churches and also some of the Methodist churches, the big Methodist church in St. Helier is quite impressive, and of course the glass church, and although I often heard tourists muttering dissapointedly about the glass church, I did like the glass angels and how light the church was.
I can't remember the name of the closed church that sometimes had concerts but it always seemed such a shame it was closed, I remember the concerts there, maybe I will talk about that another time though.
The Town Church, of course, but I didn't find it very inspiring and the atmosphere itself there is not good, without even anyone being there.
And I seem to recall concerts at a little Methodist chapel in St. Aubin, and then of course the Fisherman's chapel, I think I went there even before I lived in Jersey, so peaceful there, a good place to light candles and pray.

So I got a good and interesting look at churches in Jersey, but always regrettably never managed to stop at St. Saviours Church, even when I went to the Parish Hall, I think it was a question of nowhere to park and I was always in a hurry.

 Which Jersey Churches did you attend (not the same question)?

You are so mean, I don't remember a thing, next question please! 

Churches I attended, it may sound like a lot, but I found churches in Jersey very hard, especially when I was being slandered and shunned, but not just that, they are not like mainland churches and some of the leanings frightened me, so I didn't settle comfortably in a church, especially not when I was being insulted, shunned or attacked for reporting abuse.

I attended St. Andrews church, that was a core church that I attended, and they did joint services with St. matthews sometimes, but didn't do their own evening service, so I would go to the evening service at St. Matthews, great music!, and in the beginning when I lived near St. Lawrence church and was working on Sundays, I would go to early morning communion at St. Lawrence before work, it was so peaceful there.
I also sometimes went to early communion at St Ouens church on the way to work, and later attended a few other services there.
I recall attending a 'longest night service just before Christmas and that was at one of the Churches in the East of the Island and I went to evening  college with the Vicar's wife, that fact is not widely advertised by the church, because of course the Vicar's wife there cannot claim I was mad and bad and trashed the classroom. Haha, I am digressing.
Of course, in the early days, the churchwarden and his wife used to drag me to spend the evening with their little circle of friends at the Town Church, I found it all very boring and it was extremely extremely cliquey there, snooty is a harsh word but not out of place. Anyway, I mustn't get negative.
I attended St. Clements church for a while.
I also briefly attended St. Brelades church.
And was also kindly invited to attend an evangelical church, and I did visit them, another invitation was to a Methodist chapel, very kind, and also a Baptist church, who treated me terribly when they heard from the church of england.
I was also kindly invited to, and helped by, the Catholics in Jersey, who not only helped to strengthen my failing faith, but inspired me to later renounce the Church of England and become a Catholic.

I don't really want to remember any more, the way I was slandered round the churches in Jersey is inexcusible, it is a whole Island of churches completely forgetting Jesus' teachings and example, and to actually repeat that slander back to me and attack me in public, there are some very shameless and soulless people in Jersey (and the Diocese of Winchester).

Sunday morning

Good morning peeps.

Well I woke at the alarms, and I was dreaming complex dreams about lying on the grass outside the jobcentre, discussing my forthcoming trip with old friends, while wondering where my adoptive mum had got to as she had vanished into the jobcenre, I was even defending myself to a friend who didn't believe I was going on this trip.

I woke up all comfy in clean new bed linen, and I am just waiting for the paper shop to open at 7.30, for a fairly easy Sunday round, the papers are bulky but there are less of them on a Sunday.

Today my housework is already done and I am not doing the usual roast as I have been invited out for a sandwich lunch on the quay.
What a treat.
It is such a lovely day, and I am looking forward to seeing the boats, especially The Boat, which is being worked on.

A week to go before I go off adventuring, and I have cancelled the four days of hard festival work running up to going away, I am likely to be very busy with contract work instead.

I must must must get on with music practice, I have been so busy and preoccupied that not much has got done with two weeks to go.

Saturday, 6 June 2015

Saturday Night

Good evening,

Well I have had the usual difficulty in relaxing at all.

I put my bed linen on a long hot wash and I was going to go out and bike along the bay before going to swim and gym.

But I biked along the bay, and then I ended up eating and ice cream., and reading the papers in the library, and then getting a load of books, and then getting some groceries.
So I had to go home with my books and groceries, and it was so tempting not to go out again.
But if I didn't then I never would.

So I went out, had a swim, really felt the loss of condition from not going for so long, then I did a circuit of the gym.

I came home and hung the washing out.
Then I have mainly been doing paperwork, and writing letters, and a bit of television, nothing interesting, a bit of housework.
Basically I was just compulsively getting stuff done, I have been severely anxious and with ongoing flashbacks for the past few weeks, still with the church of england's death sentence hanging over me, which is intolerable.

I forgot my music and it is too late for piano practice today, don't want to keep everyone awake, and with two weeks to go, I need to get my revision done but none got done. But with tomorrow's housework all done and a lot of other tasks done, I will get music done tomorrow.

I must put clean linen on the bed now. I am too tired to be awake.

Saturday morning

Morning peeps,

Two questions I was sent that don't make an interview on their own:

What is your favourite memory of Jersey?

Happiest memory, well there are a few. jetskiiing on St. Aubin's bay and thinking I was going to have a better life in Jersey.
Karate at Fort regent.
Going out with Chris.

What is your favourite place in Jersey?

Corbiere and St Ouens Bay. I used to love climbing out on the rocks at Corbiere, especially at sunset, no one else would climb out as I would. It was so lovely and peaceful, apart from vengeful seagulls! 

Back to the daily blog.

Yesterday was bit of an scattered day.

I did the heavy papers, biked up to the clinic to get my physio assessment.
The physios agreed with what the doctor and the man at the walking clinic have said.
Lower kinetic chain dysfunction. hypermobile knee joints, tendons not bothering to work so the ligaments are trying to do work that they shouldn't etc etc.
The physios were very nice, and I have exercises twice a day to try and get my muscles to remember to function, which is great, because I know that despite exercise and work every day, the muscles still don't work.
Trying to walk without muscles, haha. The bike has made such a difference to my walking though. It has made such a difference to everything, although it is an awkward cuss.

So, after physio, I biked to the shops, did shopping, and biked to work.
I worked for a few hours, came home with the bike, feeling really ill and not knowing why.
It was 4pm when I realised I had completely forgotten to have lunch! Hypoglycemia!
Hah, so I did lunch, had painkillers, had a cool bath, and suddenly felt better.

I watched my usual programmes, read a big Stephen King book I had bought for 50p, and I started the weekend housework, including the laundry.
Then I cooked a massive chicken Korma with basmati rice. Cooking Korma can produce enough dirty pots, pans, utensils and crockery to fill the dishwasher.

I fell into bed exhausted and slept soundly until 6am, and was out delivering the heavy weekend papers by 6.30am.

The papers were done in good time and I came back and did almost nothing for a few hours, just actually not relaxing because I am no longer capable of that, but not doing much, reading, doing breakfast, sending emails and texts, sifting information and dealing with my task lists.

The house is clean and smells of cooking and also bonfire smoke, it is quiet because my housemate is obviously staying over with a friend, or boyfriend, or whatever.

Due to actually having time on my hands, would you believe it, I will go out on my bike, actually go to swim and gym, I think, do some music, now two weeks before the exam, and maybe do a few hours gardening here, which I do get paid for.

Tomorrow is car boot sale season, and the weather is glorious for the weekend!
I must stop being in the house once lunch is cooked, I must go out and get sunburned.

Friday, 5 June 2015

Friday morning

Good morning,

Yesterday was manic!

I thought I had  a quiet day and a few hours work. But HMRC was being awkward and then I ended up with the phone ringing and emails all day, I got very stressed, moved my few hours work to today, went for an interview and was offered work by an overwhelmed business but it was not suitable, so they put me on their 'reserve list' for when they are really stuck.

By the evening, thing stopped being quite so mad and I had had to go to the post office near where I used to live, due to the local one being closed for refurbishment, and so I had a bike ride along the cliffs in the glorious sunshine and came home to watch television and I ended up by doing masses of paperwork and possession sorting so that the new filing cabinet is being used and there is nothing to fall off my wardrobe and startle me or my housemate or the cat any more.

I was utterly shattered and fell into bed and slept. No memorable dreams but I woke up early and too warm from putting my gown on when I had been too cold during the night.
Being up early on a friday is no bad thing as I have a heavy round with all the local papers to deliver with the morning papers.

Then I have physiotherapy at 10am at the clinic in the next town. Argh.

Thursday, 4 June 2015

A second interview with HG

Again, this will disappoint people who want gory details.
But it is interesting how many people have read the interviews,
and ANYONE is welcome to submit a series of questions,
and judging by the interest, I am surprised that I am not getting serious church and Jersey questions so much yet.

Interview Questions in bold.

1. What is your favourite desert /pudding?

I am not much of a dessert person and I don't often do dessert, sometimes I do merangue with fruit and yogurt after my Sunday dinner, and when I go to the outreach meal, the do nice stodgy puddings, and occassionally I get small trifles or cheesecakes from the shop, but I shouldn't as I need to watch my weight.
2. What is your favourite Disney film?

I am not a disney fan, I do not like the way they make young people feel that they have to see the films or be the odd one out, I do not like the dangerously over-emotional stories and scenes as I think these are bad for young children. Sorry, I cannot name a Disney film that I really like.
3. The Two Cultures: do you prefer science or art / literature?

Science! Although art and literature are very interesting. I love science and I am looking forward to studying Environmental Science in the autumn.
4. Are you an Early Bird or a Night Owl person?

I am an early bird, I have never been good at staying up late deliberately, only insomnia caused by trauma would keep me up late.  I like being up early.
5. Do you like Classical music? Favourite composer?

Yes, I find classical music very soothing, my Mum always listened to Classic FM and my Brother also liked classical music. 
I am really not sure who my favourite composer is, as with other genres of music, I like whatever sound I like, and it can be by any composer.
6. Hair: if you could choose to be a blonde, brunette, black hair or redhead, which would you be? Have you ever changed hair colour (with dye?)

I am happy with my hair, I wouldn't change it. I used to be close to a girl who usually had her hair black and green, and I tried her black dye but I was allergic to it. Never again! :)
7. Do you prefer to read magazines or books?

Usually books, I am a book person, but sometimes magazines are good for light reading. My old housemate used to give me her magazines and sometimes it was nice to read but Women's magazines make me kind of wonder if people are really that shallow, so to speak, I hope that doesn't sound uppity.
8. Do you paint?

No, I am dyspraxic and I am a messy pup, having paint in the house would be a disaster, I have already spilled and dropped a lot of things today.
9. Is there any food you really dislike?

I am not keen on sweetcorn and I don't like sweet foods in the morning.
ah, beetroot, yeah, I hate that! 
10.  Early memories: first pop song you heard and really liked

Well my siblings liked Abba, and Abba was one of the few Pop groups my Dad didn't ban, and I liked some of the songs although I didn't understand them. I gather that because of my parents superstitions and Jewish culture, they liked the fact that the band was called Abba, which means Father in Hebrew. 
One particular song is 'Another Town Another Train' as it reminds me of slightly better times although paradoxically it reminds me of my sister being suicidal and trying to jump in front of trains and coming home and telling me.

Thank you for interviewing me.

Thursday morning

Good morning,

Well yesterday morning I worked very hard.
I had what felt like the beginnings of a migraine though and was very tired when I got home.
In the end I cancelled music and tried to just do some paperwork and sorting things.
I went for a bike ride and had fish and chips for supper.
I was so tired I had an early night, no 5HTP, I just fell into bed and slept.

I woke this morning, tired and groggy.
I still feel tired and groggy, but the migraine is not too bad.
It is all the symptoms but without a severe headache, just blurry eyes, numbness, dyspraxia, general malaise, but as yet, no severe headache.

I did the papers as usual and it is a nice sunny morning.
I have to take my library books back, post a few letters, and go to an interview that I don't really want, but someone randomly phoned up and offered, I doubt I can help them or they can help me, but I may as well go.
Then I have about two hours work, that is all, and that is my day.

I am tired but I hope I have energy to do some sorting of paperwork and possessions later.

Wednesday, 3 June 2015

An interview with HG...

Just to annoy the pants off a few people, this interview didn't mention the church or Jersey...
Interviewers are still being invited, if anyone would like to send questions in.

Interview questions in Bold:

1. What is your favourite meal? Do you have happy memories of it?

This is a tough question. I have a number of meals I enjoy, and being a creature of habit, I tend to eat them regularly. I guess a good roast dinner is my favourite meal, and when my Mum was well enough she would cook a good roast when I was a child, so I guess that is a happy memory. I can cook a decent roast now, I am proud to say, so I tend to do a roast on Sunday if I have time, and if not, I do a quick chicken Korma, which I also enjoy.  When I was young we often had apple pie and custard after a roast, but I am always too full, so I tend to do a 'Healthy Eton' which is merangue with fresh fruit and fat free yogurt. 

2. What is your favourite book?

Argh! I do have a tough interviewer! I think I will randomly choose 'Insomnia' by Stephen King. I first read this when I was on the Streets, at a daycentre and it gave me a taste for Stephen King books, I am also very fond of another of his books'Duma Key' . I am not really a fan of horror but what I like about King is that he makes his characters and landscapes very real and imaginable, he has a talent with that, and the horror is generally not nightmare stuff anyway.

Other books and Authors I like include Shane Dunphy, who I often mention on my blog, and Cathy Glass and Casey Watson's books.

3. What is your favourite fruit?

Another tough question! At the moment I have a fruit bowl of clementines, bananas and apples, I am not keen on apples or bananas but I eat them regularly for energy and health, I do like clementines but I guess grapes are my favourites, I have tubs of frozen grapes in the freezer to keep me from craving sweet things, frozen grapes are a great treat and completely fat free, and can be added to cold drinks or ice cream.

4. Do you like marmite? (The killer question)

Argh! Err...No, my sister's boyfriend used to make me eat marmite because of the vitamin content but I am not a marmite fan, however I don't hate it, I just think it tastes like earwax probably does.

5. What are your earliest memories of friends?

Unfortunately I don't have many good early memories of friends, my family were very closed and we weren't normally allowed to play with other children and we didn't go to school, so there are few early memories of friends, and I remained isolated for the first 17 years of my life, and by the time I left my family I didn't know how to relate to people, so I have remained isolated.

During my early years, my family were friends with another unusal family and everyone in my family said that a girl my age from that family was my friend, but she was neurotypical and I was autistic and she wasn't very nice to me.
I did briefly have a pretend friend, copied from a book, but I saw little point of this and my siblings were quite nasty about it when they found out. So, sorry, no good memories.

6. What was the first book you read?

Good question, I am not sure. I remember we had Enid Blyton's 'Noddy'Books and they were among the first books but I cannot remember any more than that.

7. If you could be a character in Harry Potter, who would it be?

I am not keen on Harry Potter, it is like a click-Story that everyone needs to have seen and know about, and I have seen bits of it but am not very interested in it. I will be the Pheonix, if that's OK?

8. What countries have you visited in your lifetime?

eee, now you are being nosey! I will be visiting another country in a few weeks, no further comment! But I love islands that deport me for free! :)

9. What languages can you speak?

gibberish, some sign language, some Hebrew, French, Italian, Irish and a few words of German. I also speak nortylanguage, which is a bit like German and a bit like insanity. I have done Irish and Italian courses and as well as enjoying travelling, I enjoy online chatting and also pen palling with people in different countries, and languages are part of the degree course I will hopefully be starting this autumn.

10. Are you a dog person or a cat person (or both or neither)?

I am both, we have a cat and I love him very much, apart from when he bites, scratches or wakes me up during the night, all of which he does frequently. He is mad but very lovely, and I often write about him on my daily blog.  My friend has Collies and I love them too.

11. How tall are you? Would you like to be shorter, taller or are you just right?

I am 5'7 and that is just right. 

12. Do you like your hair long or short? Why?

My hair is short, and this is because it won't grow long smoothly, if I let it grow, it becomes very thick and messy, and also because my work can make my hair dirty, I keep it short.

13. Apple, Dinosaur, Saturn, Typewriter – which do you think could be the wrong one out? (Give up if stressed!) 

These are all the odd ones out from other things. But I will go for the non-word-processing one.

14.  If there was a fancy dress ball, who would you go as?

I would go as a hedgehog, complete with fleas, to keep away unwanted attention.

Thank you for interviewing me.