This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Sunday, 31 December 2017

New Year...

Happy New Year!

55 minutes to midnight, and I am exhausted but safe home after a long hard shift. No real near misses with drunk drivers. I did pass a police car that had stopped a driver, and the police were lurking nosily around. I saw the police dog handler from where I used to work. I had pulled out the bins to clean behind them one day and accidentally obstructed her car as she drove in, I told her I didn't mean to obstruct the law.
I wish she didn't look so unhappy.

Anyway, wandering off track there.

I am home. Exhausted and trying to stay up another 50 minutes to see in the new year, with so little hope, so little of anything, that I wonder why I am doing it.

Anyway, I am actually writing to tell you, that as with all the usual traditions, the look back on the year has been delayed, and will be out within the next few days.
I know, my three traditions, the prayers, the revolutions and the look back, have gone to pot. It has been a tough old year, again, the impact of previous years, the domino effect, hasn't gone away.

The wind and rain are howling, and I am thinking of the rough sleepers at this time. Christmas is tough enough, but with this weather it is a nightmare.

Sunday afternoon - the revolutions

Good evening peeps,

Well I am doing my best to keep my on-blog Christmas traditions going, although it is hard, the damage by the church and their police has left me worn down.

Anyway. This afternoon I went up the farm to sort out my stuff in the barn. There are now three piles, keep, tip, and charity shop. I am improving on my ability to sort stuff out.

The farm had a consignment of new poultry, so I got to meet them and chat to my farm peeps. Lovely.

I came home via the supermarket, a few groceries, the rain and wind have been non-stop. I am just watching TV before work. Work starts at 5.15 and will be flat out for New Year's Eve, yesterday was a steady shift but tonight may be mad and with bad weather and dangerous drivers.


New Year's Revolutions.

It is hard, but I will just copy what I wrote in my notebook. Yeah, someone got me a notebook for Christmas, in the hope that I will stop scribbling little notes and lists on scraps of paper and leaving them lying about. Killjoys, I like leaving a trail of scribbled notes and forgetting where they are.


  • New Home
  • New Car
  • More Work
  • Make a Difference
  • Help my adoptive brother and his orphanage more
  • Pray More, especially for others
  • Write More
That is the revolutions, very tame now, isn't it? Well the violent beating from the church for being a human being, vulnerable and abused, has destroyed me, and the fact that I am here and writing at all is a horrible miracle.

Sunday morning

Good morning peeps,

It seems to be Sunday, and rather too early for my liking, especially after a busy shift at work last night.

It is howling rain and pouring wind. As it was last night.

Yesterday I took the dog for a walk along the bay. The wind and sea were raging, but we enjoyed the walk. The dog started out lively, and was very tired and struggling to walk on the way back. I have to be careful to turn back and not let her overdo it, as she would keep walking until she collapsed if I let her.

We went to the lockup and moved back to the smaller lockup. Less rent.

The boss phoned as he had lost a driver and wanted to know if I can work every day until Wednesday, I said I could. I am moving back to the bay on Thursday but I will still work for them.

I watched films for the afternoon and went to work.
Work was steady for the evening and the weather got worse.

Today I have little to do. I am, as previous years, on sabbatical from church during January and as long as I like, to concentrate on my writing.

I keep meaning to say. I should be doing The Year 2017 and New Year's Revolutions, but I don't feel much like doing any of it this year, as you will have seen from the prayers.

Saturday, 30 December 2017

Saturday Morning

Good morning peeps,

Well I have been up since some unearthly hour, doing the laundry, why is there always so much to do in the holidays?

We have a washer but I had to take the wet washing down to the big machines at the laundry. There were two fussy old ladies doing washing at 7.30 in the morning, and then me, the scruffy noodle. Hairbrush wandered off.

I do not have much clothes, so I wash them at least once a week.

I was dreaming, the dreams hurt and caused flashbacks, I dreamed I was going to Jersey.
I am deliberately not going to Jersey. I was so busy booking tikkits in the dream.
Haha, no, it isn't Jersey that I am booking tikkits for in real life, it's gurnsey, I need to chekkout their plane since we was throwing lightning at it. Did you notice Gurnsey spamming my blog yesterday? They blame me for everything. Soddoff Gurnsey. Nah, it isn't Gurnsey either.

Someone asked if I live in Jersey under the radar. No, the radar is at the airport in St. Peter, and it is illegal to live under it.
Do you remember all the kind people offering me homes and work in Jersey when the press and media attack started in 2013, and they did that despite the Korris attack and the press and media smears.
It's a very good thing that despite my longing to return home, despite my heartbreaking love for my island, that I didn't take up those offers, and even in the desperate circumstances I was in, I knew it was the right thing. And if you look at the three years of hatred against me, I think you will agree.
I will always love my channel islands, and my heart will break for them and for the injustice for eternity.

Anyways, enough of that.
The dog would like to come with me to the lockup to swap back, and then for a walk on the bay.

Do you remember the lullaby of the Great Ship Bay?  From 2014, before the church attacks on me became intolerable, there was still hope back then, not much, but a little bit.

It is very windy.

Friday, 29 December 2017

Friday Night

Good evening peeps,

The filthy church of england are kicking off again, defending the indefensible with the help of backhanders and abuse of power, and deluding themselves that they are not an evil corrupt parasite.

Anyway, on a more cheerful note, the Green Mile is on, and I am staying up till 11 to watch as much as I can. Funny I was just reading the book.

Earlier I was extremely successful in sorting out the lockup, it is all neat, ready to downsize to my old smaller lockup.
The back seats of the car were full of charity shop stuff, and the boot full of stuff for the tip, and I am proud to say that I did both trips without any anxiety, I don't like going to the tip or dropping off donations at charity shops, but both went fine.

Then came back here and was watching 'Mr Stink' which I love. And pottering about.
Then I took the dog to the beach, it was cold and the dog was reluctant to go far.

Things are tidy here, ready.

Ready for what?


Well I will tell you one thing.

I am going back to the Great Ship Bay next week.

Those of you who never knew I left there, remember, the church of england and their police have made a concerted effort to hound me and drive me from help and community and brand me and take my new identity from me over the past few years and the open and unchecked destruction of me in May last year drove me from the bay.

I also finished the writing I was doing for someone.

Now I have been enjoying my last evening off work for a few days. The weekend's shifts will be mad.


Good morning peeps,

It is Friday, and I slept a bit better, still nightmares, I woke up to thunder, wind and pouring rain, must go to the loo before bed.
Joking aside, it was a beautiful thunderstorm, and it was still dark, so I opened the window and curtains and lay in bed listening to the rain.

Then I have been finishing Rosie Lewis's latest book 'Broken' which I bought on Kindle yesterday. You peeps and everyone never believe how fast I read, but I have finished the book, and yes I am reading The Green Mile in paperback form as well.

Today I will remember the keys and go to work on the lockup, nothing else planned.

Thursday, 28 December 2017


Good evening peeps,

I am actually not working tonight or tomorrow. Heehee.

Last night's shift was stressful with wrong orders and I woke up in pain this morning.

I am almost OK now, having a painkiller day today. Did my heavy machine as well.

Another day of heading for the lockup and forgetting the keys! HA! I think it's subconscious, I don't want to sort the stuff out and get rid of most of it.

I took the dog to the beach (the dog is my friends' and they are very busy at the moment), the dog likes swimming, and then shaking and making everything wet and muddy. But it was a nice walk.

Just a quiet day really, I am reading 'The Green Mile'.

It is nice to kind of rest.

Wednesday, 27 December 2017


Why do so many Christmas things begin with 'C'?

Carols, Candles, Christingles, Cards, etc.

What made my Christmas this year?

  • Christmas Crafts
  • Carol Services
  • Carol Singing round the Streets
  • Christmas Films
  • Christmas Music
  • Decorations
  • Food 
  • Presents
  • Friends
  • Fun
  • Church
  • Cards, including e-cards
  • Advent Calendars - I had both Jacqui Lawson ones
  • Getting to see the best Christmas lights in the district as I worked
  • Best company and food and presents on Christmas Day
  • Dog walks on the cliffs
  • Working on the farm in the beautiful winter weather
  • Time out for writing and plans now

How about you? What made your Christmas?


Good morning peeps,

I was all nightmares last night. I woke several times, including at about 6am, but decided to stay in bed.

I got up somewhat later, and have only just had my shower.

I got texts at 8,30 asking me to work tonight.

All I have for today is going to the lockup and the farm to sort some stuff, I have to collect the post and go to the bank as well.

It has been very bad weather, trees are down, snow has settled on the hills and cliffs but not here.

I am coughing again, the cough didn't completely clear but it is trying to come back, so I have taken something to encourage it to clear.

Tuesday, 26 December 2017

Boxing Day evening

Well we had a lovely walk on the cliffs, and then I came home and did a bit of cooking, I did quorn pieces fried with garlic and herbs and salt, and rice. There was enough for two meals, and I did some eggs as well. I had some for lunch and put the rest in tubs, which turned out handy later.

I was, as you can guess, trying to get down to some writing, but so often I am like an artist with a massive empty canvas and far too many ideas and inspirations, so I was preparing a collection of short articles for a friend, and at the same time I was assessing other writers' short pieces of work for them.
And I was watching films.

Then the phone beeped, could I work this evening? The bad weather was set in by now, but I agreed to work.

I thought it would be a dead shift, we all did, I was the only driver on duty.
The first half hour was dead, then it picked up, went dead again and picked up like mad again.
I ended up doing a full shift when we all expected to be closed and finished early, they ended up with late bookings.

The last delivery had been rushed out, they put the wrong address, wrong postcode, not matching the address, and no phone number, all strictly frowned upon, but the boss was away and it was a skeleton staff, so there was I, the driver, five miles away and cussing because this was the last delivery of three and not being able to deliver it was very frustrating. I couldn't get through to base either.

I had to bring it back, cussing rudely as I did.
They told me it wasn't my fault, well I knew that, but you know how I am, being autistic means I get very stressed about things like this.

But that was the last delivery, and they then got me a hot meal, even though I had been snacking on my meal tubs in the car.

The weather was atrocious, still is, and I have not long got home. Glad to be warm and dry, and about to dive into that huge dreamy duvet and be busy sleeping.

But think about it. I have worked a shift, I have walked the dog on the cliffs, I have been writing and editing, I got up at a decent hour this morning. Quite a productive boxing day.

Boxing Day Walk 1.

Breezy, sunny and cold, with rain coming in, that was our walk forecast.
The dog was less lively today, she has arthritis and some days she finds walking harder.

One side of us was sun and blue sky, the other cloud and rain

Tuesday Boxing Day

Good morning,

Who is up for some boxing then?

I am in pyjamas.

Well yesterday I was so tired in the evening, I just lazed around and watched Titanic and then went to bed and slept soundly until 7.30 in the morning.

This morning I have been lazy, I did do some cleaning and tidying, but in a lazy way.

I am going to lazily take the dog back to the cliffs for a lazy two mile amble. 
I am not having a big dinner today, nor any company, just peace and quiet, I am pleased to say it has been a stress free Christmas and I am not really in any pain.

I am watching Slumdog Millionaire, lazily of course.

Monday, 25 December 2017

Christmas Day evening

Good evening peeps,

This is the sleepy and lost time of Christmas Day, when people doze with films on.

What a day!

Church was awesome, all the candles and singing. I had to go up the front again, kind of a Christmas tradition maybe :) I was worried about being hoarse and gummed up, but I was OK.

Then afterwards it was time to go home before lunch.

I came home, watched some film, and then it was time for me to walk the dog, because there were already far too many people in the kitchen preparing the dinner and me and the dog fancied a walk.

We parked on the cliffs, the sea was wild and so was the wind, it was too wild for surfers to have their Christmas Day Surf on the bay, but there were kite surfers out.

Me and the dog walked along the cliff, we really enjoyed it, Christmas Day, a girl and a dog, wild sea, wild wind, cliffs and sky and space.
Eventually the dark clouds loomed and it was close to lunchtime so I called the dog back, the dog said 'aww' but she turned willingly enough and we went back.

We got there on good time for lunch, not for the dog, but for the humans.

It was a big meal, Dibley style, 16 veg with the turkey, roasties, pigs in blankets, stuffed mushrooms, etc etc, huge meal, loads of people. I had brought a bottle of Shloer with me as I don't drink, but the Shloer was popular and was gone within 5 minutes.

After the main course the kitchen was packed with people washing up, so I cleared and wiped the table, and then pudding was put out buffet style as we relaxed in the lounge and opened presents.

Pudding included a humungous trifle, home made mince pies, a huge christmas pudding and brandy butter, home made of course.

And there were luxury chocolates, I think we all got a box of luxury chocolates in our presents. The children had fun climbing on me and sitting on my knee, the others are used to it but I don't have much contact with young children, so it was special to share Christmas with them, and the nice teenagers, the normal grown ups and the delightful grandma and grandpa. Lots of people, a real family Christmas.

Then it was tea and coffee and a scramble to get out for a walk before it got dark.

We walked to the park.

We had a hilarious time, I was fondly imagining us pushing the kids on the swings but the grown ups became like me for a while and we also went on the swings, and the slide, climbing frame and roundabout, we whooped and laughed and had swinging competitions while the grey daylight faded and the wind picked up some more, and the lights came on in the houses around the park. Briefly a few other families came and went, but we played like children, and it was like being back with my family long ago.

After that, we headed back, and I decided that it was time for me to go. I left the dog with them, and headed to the cliffs in the dark. The sea raged and it was quiet and lonely up there. Lovely.

I came home slowly and lit the Christmas candle and have been watching films and writing, eating, drinking, feeling sleepy.
What an awesome Christmas.

Christmas Morning

Good morning peeps,

I think it must be Christmas,seeing as I have been opening presents.

I got special tea from India.
And fleecy pyjamas.

So far so good.

I slept, eventually, and dreamed about chores, laundry and emptying bins.

Last night it was raining well when I came out of church, after an evening of drizzle.

Now it is raining and windy.

What am I doing? Watching Christmas films, playing with the advent calender (alpine one) and listening to Christmas music.
Well it is only once a year, may as well make the most of it.

I hope whoever got air ambulanced last night is OK, there was nothing on the news. God bless the air ambulance peeps and the emergency services for keeping working at Christmas,

Now we just have to do Church and then huge dinner, and then that is all the normal Christmas stuff done, There may be a walk on the cliffs or even just a drive to the cliffs for me this afternoon, depending. I am allowed to escape if things get too chaotic for me later.


'Yea, Lord We Greet Thee, Born this Happy Morning!'

I decided not to go to a full Mass service, but went to a candle-lit general Midnight Service, which involved less standing than Mass and was shorter, I would be too tired for Mass, so the service I went to started at 11.15 and finished just after midnight, and the last hymn was 'Hark the Herald Angels Sing' instead of the traditional Mass one 'O' Come all ye Faithful' although we did sing 'O Come all yea Faithful in the service.
Normally with Midnight Mass 'Yea Lord we greet Thee, born this happy morning' signifies the start of Christmas Day.

But all the same, the service I went to was a very nice and appropriate replacement for Mass. And I did another tradition, tears at midnight mass. They are tears of joy, as far as I know, and they just happen.

Thankfully there was no dead man on the road as I came out of church, town was very quiet.
Last year, as you know, I saw my second dead man on the road in two years because someone was murdered. And I forgot in my prayers earlier, to pray for his family, because they lost him and Christmas will always be about that for them now. God look after them, amen.

Now, should I go to bed, seeing as I am writing with my eyes closed or should I drink loads of coffee and open presents?

coffeecoffeecoffee! :):):)


openpresentsyet?  :):):)

It is hard being a carer to someone like myself.

Happy Christmas!

Sunday, 24 December 2017

The Christmas Prayers 2017

Dear peeps,

I know I am cheeting, but I am re-using last years prayers, I just got in from work (alive, whole and with no near misses, and quite happy), but I am tired, and I have to go out again to Midnight Mass in an hour or so.

My shift was steady but unremarkable, not mad, not chaotic, and with very little evidence of dangerous driving from other motorists, town was remarkably quiet, some years things are mad on Christmas Eve.

I was surprised to be finishing slightly early, and more surprised to be sat down and given a delicious meal from the buffet.
This could be a new tradition. Hmm, what an awesome addition to my Christmas.

I am tired, so I am going to copy most of the prayers from previous years. But I will say a prayer now. Thank You God that I drove safely tonight and had a delicious meal, and thank you that the local news has only recorded one minor accident with no one hurt (pity about the car) so far tonight. Amen.

 2016 Christmas Prayers:

It isn't easy for me to pray any more, due to being destroyed by the Godless Church of England, so why don't I pray for them to start with. The Bible says pray for your enemies, and those people who have destroyed me make a show of praying for me, condescendingly and convince themselves of their innocence and good motive by doing so. 

  • I pray for them, that the scales will fall from their eyes. I pray in Jesus Name that all those involved in harming me, especially Justin Welby, Tim Dakin and Trevor Willmott and their associated staff and clergy are divinely guided in 2017 by their God to 'resign' as the Dean did. And I pray that they are blessed, no matter how evil and corrupt and psychopathic they have been. Because that is what Jesus wants, for us to bless our enemies and destroyers, and that is a theme throughout the Bible, it does not remove what they have done, I just pray a blessing on them, because I am perverse. Amen
  • I pray for anyone feeling as awful as I am or having survived or not so much survived complex and prolonged harm. No-one should ever have to feel like this. I pray for a better life for anyone who has been destroyed, especially those destroyed by powerful abusers who are above accountability. Amen
  • I pray for anyone who is dreading this Christmas due to loneliness, hardship, abuse of any kind, illness, bereavement, separation or any loss or tragedy. In Jesus Name, amen.
  • I pray especially for the homeless, my street brothers and sisters, those who will be reached by outreach this Christmas and those who won't. I pray that some of them will feel valued enough to start their journeys home. I pray that all will be able to survive the winter. Thank you Lord that one of our homeless couples have been housed. Amen
  • Thank you Lord for those who look after the homeless. Especially the two charities that I am in contact with. Bless them Lord. Amen
  • I pray about the toy appeals and their work, that no child gets missed out. I pray for all those children who have very little to look forward to this Christmas, I remember my own homeless childhood. Lord bless the children this Christmas, You and I know what it is like to be homeless and have nothing at Christmas and no child deserves nothing for Christmas or at any time. Bless them Lord, amen.
  • Lord look after the elderly, those who are cold or alone and feel left out or isolated this Christmas, send warmth and light and love. Amen
  • Lord, it is hard to ask because the Jersey Deanery are over to Satan and a lost cause, but please change that, if you can, turf the evilangelicals out or close the defunct churches down to prevent injury to any more children or vulnerable adults. Amen
  • Lord bless my friends and the people in my life, especially those who have blessed me by reading my books and giving helpful feedback. Amen
  • Lord I pray for vulnerable people who are scared by the news and the EU exit and other issues such as terrorism. Amen
  • I pray that the Church of England stop being able to use news and current affairs to glorify themselves as it upsets their victims and the general public. Amen
  • I pray for justice and resolution and peace for abuse victims, especially those suffering barriers to justice and miscarriages of justice and being treated badly for speaking up, and I pray for all the victims and survivors who have spoke up recently, as the old wounds will be re-opened. Amen
  • I pray for everyone going out celebrating this Christmas, those who celebrate with alcohol and parties and those who celebrate by going to midnight Mass, may there be no collisions between them. May everyone return home safely. Amen
  • I pray that 2017 will be a better year for me and for us all. I pray that 2017 will be the year that the Church of England repent and take responsibility for their evil or that they will be held accountable by another authority. In Jesus Name I beg and pray this, amen.
Christmas Prayers 2015:

Prayers for Christmas:

I will pray for the thing that is most on my mind first. Travel and the weather.
Dear Lord and Father, protect us all as we travel in this weather, especially those heading to friends and family now, and those of us working and going to midnight services tonight while others may have been drinking and the roads are so wet. Amen

I pray for all those who will be celebrating Christmas with alcohol, that they stay warm, well and safe. Amen

I pray for all people in povery or alone this Christmas, I will never forget my years with nothing at Christmas and worse, when friends made excuses and turned away. I pray for some hope for those people, for others to reach out with kindness, I pray that everyone has food and more than usual and hope and help and kindness. God bless them, amen.

I pray for any child without presents, that from somewhere, gifts will come. Amen

I pray for any child or adult who is facing a miserable christmas due to abuse or neglect, for freedom and hope. Amen

I pray especially for the homeless, the rough sleepers who have two choices if they are sleeping rough and can't access any shelter while everything is closed, they can walk and walk or they can sit in a blanket and try to keep warm. Neither are comfortable options. And the homeless in hostels or staying with others or squatting, not really home, guests where the rules hurt and where Christmas isn't a real joy. And especially families with Children. I remember and never forget, that I have lived like this. God help them. Amen

I pray for anyone struggling for electricity or warmth this Christmas, God help them. Amen

I pray for everyone who has been supporting me this year as the Church and States of Jersey continue to destroy me unchecked. Especial blessings on the Lantern bearer who helped me to walk through the dark and back into the light. It isn't over yet. Amen

I pray for Bishop Dakin in the wake of his recent open homophobia that adds to his crimes against me, I pray that he both repents and realises that he is not a Christian leader and thus steps down. 'Let he who is without sin cast the first stone'. Amen
On that note I pray for the Archbishop in the same way, as his recent use of homelessness as a Church Press Stunt when he and his church left me homeless and destroyed is very distressing. God send the homeless to live in Lambeth Palace and see if the Archbishop is capable of genuinely caring, Amen.
 And also I pray for Jane Fisher in life after safeguarding, to destroy me as she did, mercilessly and permenantly, she can't be a very happy lady, so I pray that she feels happy one day. Amen
 I pray for a revolution so that the invincible power in the Church of England is challenged and exposed, and people ask why a 'Christian' organization is able to be a law unto themselves and deceive and mislead the public and abuse the vulnerable so badly.  In Jesus' Name, Amen

I pray for Bob and Ann Hill and family, I pray that Bob regains his voice. 
'she has no voice, I speak for her'.

I pray for my friends, especially those I will see tomorrow at Church and for Christmas Day, and on Monday. And I pray for my beloved adoptive parents who have been amazing and wonderful and there for me every step of the way, I wouldn't have made it without you. God bless you, amen.

I pray for my work colleagues and customers, especially those I am parting company with in the New Year, I pray that my decision turns out good, and that if I have a chance, I will rejoin them later. Amen

I pray for my therapist, God give him patience! :) I pray that we can continue productive and helpful work in the New Year. Amen

I pray for the lady who lost her job for feeding a hungry school pupil. I pray that her kindness is rewarded. Amen

God help and bless everyone. Amen

Sunday Christmas Eve

Hey peeps, I am tired already and I still have a number of hours ahead of me, including the mad shift and Midnight Mass.

I had trouble getting to sleep last night, not excitement, just difficulty settling, so I was tired this morning.

I wandered though a shower and some clothes, and headed to church.

Church was beautiful with the candles and decorations and things, and it was a nice service, we had the kids singing a Christmas song as well as having the usual carols.

After that, I had carrot soop and bread, and watched more Christmas films, sent more e-cards, and listened to more Christmas music, and started the Quality Street.

I did my laundry, I needed clean clothes for Christmas, however ragged my limited wardrobe is.

I am now dressed for work, jeans, grey shirt and jumper, smelling of washing powder.

Hey peeps, lets have some Christmas shall we?

I will be doing the prayers, the year's roundup and updating you on the state of the huge turkey and chaos and church services very soon.

I don't want to go and do the dangerous shift, even though I am a veteran, anything can happen on the roads on Christmas and New Year's eve with everyone drinking.

Saturday, 23 December 2017


Good afternoon peeps,

It's a grey and drizzly day.

I am watching 'A Christmas Prince' which is one of those that I call 'A romance with Christmas decorations', but it is OKish.

I was tired and I slept well, but when the alarms went off, I was too busy with an absorbing dream, so I dismissed the alarms and got up late.

I didn't have much to do today, just sorting my things at the lockup and at the barn if I had time, I only got as far as the lockup. I got a bit done. I tend to get overwhelmed, because I struggle with living indoors as a fugitive in temporary digs and having my posessions in storage after sleeping rough, I don't know how to handle it. So that is on hold until next week, when I will continue to get rid of possessions.

I came back into town, and there was police all round the stationary store, one police had a short sleeved shirt on and I wanted to ask if he was cold but I didn't dare.

There was a traction engine, and I stopped and drooled, because I am a boy really, I like traction engines and steam engines and classic cars, I am so in love with the Austin Ambassador near the care home. Anyway, an engineer saw me drooling and came to talk to me, and I expressed appreciation for his fine engine. I asked about the wheels, because I was genuinely interested, they use the band from a tank track on the wheels, remoulded to protect the traction engine wheels.

I drifted round the shops, the greengrocers is good, two trays of dates for 99p, so I got some. I was looking for a jumper but the chattery shops didn't have anything suitable.

I am having a sleepy patch, resting, until work at 6.

Who would like to write a Christmas story? Do a good one and I will publish it on here.

'Tis the season of heavy writing. I intend to write a lot and do a bit of walking by the sea as well as eating stuff and opening presents and going to church.
I am considering a piece of work called 'Fugitive' to write, as well as finishing the launching article of 'The Divide'.
There, you didn't know I was still writing, did you, because a) I don't announce it b) I don't publish it all on my usual website and c) you couldn't care less.

Friday, 22 December 2017


Good evening peeps,

Well I woke up with my neck wrong, I had slept reasonably well but obviously my neck slipped.

I got up and did my best to settle my neck with the machine, but it wasn't working, so I took painkillers.

Before long I was up and working, the pain masked, and I helped the cleaner to clean the farm cottage. She's really nice and hard working, I always feel that I should learn from her example.

Then I was off, washing and drying my laundry, and going to pick up my other prescription, I only have two regular meds apart from pain relief and airway clearing business, and neither are to do with me being nuts as the church make out, but I now have plenty in stock over Christmas.

Then I was sorting some of my things out at the lockup, I think I need a major clear out of things I just don't need or can replace some other time.

Then I did petrol and screen wash, the car must have everything for work over the holidays.

Then I briefly went to a Christmas event, but didn't enjoy it much, so I headed round the shops, too crowded.

I got deep heat cream, which helps me to sleep as it gets the muscles to relax enough, and I got some more stuff for clearing my lungs from the pharmacy, it is expensive when you are non-NHS.

I came home and I was beginning to feel really tired and achy and trying to decide just how early I could go to bed without disrupting my night's sleep. I lay in bed and watched Vicar of Dibley Christmas Lunch :)

I didn't take more codeine as I wanted to take the stuff to clear my lungs and I can't take it at the same time with this brand, as they clash, so that turned out to be not such a bad thing.

I was in pyjamas and flicking through Netflix when my phone beeped, I was being asked to work, one driver injured and another with a flat tyre.
So I dressed rapidly and shot to work.

The manager gave me a hug when I walked in. He was so grateful.

I only had to work a few hours, and for me it was no bad thing, it meant I could swing by the supermarket and get the loo rolls and milk  and other things that I forgot earlier, no milk for tea isn't ideal, although I have coffee, I like tea in the morning, not coffee. And if I hadn't been asked to work, I wouldn't have gone back out for milk.

I came home, so tired but not feeling too bad. I have done the heavy machine on my neck a few times and it has helped with the pain, I think if I sleep well, I will be OK in the morning, being ill and woozy from pain meds just before Christmas makes it harder to organize everything.

I wonder if I forgot to tell you about carol singing earlier in the week, and annoyed some of you. We had a lovely evening carolling, it wasn't too cold, nor raining, nor windy, it was mild. We only sang 'Ding Dong Merrily' once, I am pleased to say, and I started coughing and the coughs turned to giggles, but everyone else was singing well so it wasn't noticed. We had hot mince pies and drinks afterwards. It was all good. We sang well and had a good group.

Thursday, 21 December 2017


Hey peeps,

Busy day.

Chores, collecting prescriptions, haircut - took an hour and fifteen minutes! But at least my hair is thin and light and back to proper length.

Then shopping for essentials in town before going to do my last garden of the year.

The work today involved raking leaves, weeding, sweeping, planting cyclamen and bulbs, turning and tidying the compost heap,  and that was it. The compost heap was the hardest task.
They gave me my money plus a Christmas bonus, and a Christmas card. How nice.

I can't say I am on holiday, as I have the worst driving shifts over Christmas :)

It was cold and damp as I worked, and it looked like rain, but it hardly rained.

I had to drop in on someone on the way home, and then I came home and thankfully cooked my beef and rice meal, and I have been watching Nativity 3, which is still on a loop on 5. I only really like Nativity, but I watch this one anyway.

I am tired, but I still have many chores to do.

Winchester Cathedral Choir still do the best version of 'It Came upon a Midnight Clear'

Hello Garden in the Shire, please send me some Christmas cake.

Wednesday, 20 December 2017


Good evening peeps,

I am either too hot or too cold, can't get the heating right.

Christmas dilemma, someone has sent me a lovely Nativity scene card, they are Christians, I don't have any nativity cards among the ones I have left, can I send them a non-nativity without them feeling let down?

I have chores.

I am watching the original Father Christmas movie.

I get addicted to my little games on the advent calender. I ended up with both, the updated alpine calender and the rather boring recycled seaside on that reminds me of last Christmas and the murdered man on the road, the seaside one lets you open any of the doors as it is just last years one being re-used. But the alpine one is still good.

There are two games, candy cruncher and and the skiing game. I was never good at games, and as the skiing one is unfairly weighted, I usually just let him crash into things while I laugh a lot.

Today I did a bit of Christmas shopping, I suppose I am just about all sorted for Christmas.

I also went and paid a pre-Christnas visit to two gardeners and a dog.

It was so foggy this morning that I was worried about going out, but it lifted a bit.

It is mild and drizzly now.

Tuesday, 19 December 2017


Good aftynoon peeps,

I forgot to update, which means I will forget to tell you things, but I can't remember what.

It is Christmassy here. I am watching Deck the Halls, you know I said I didn't like it, but it has become addictive, I am very like Mr Finch. Don't you dare say I am like Buddy. I did put my Christmas cards up now, as well as all the tinsel and stuff.

I have Christmas music on also, Deck the Halls is a good background film. Yesterday I found back to the future on netflix, and watched all three, they are so familiar that they are also background films. Back to the Future was one of the first films I ever saw, when I was 8 years old and briefly at school, the teachers were all off sick with flu and they just sat all of us in a room and left us watching Back to the Future, which was cool, it felt good to stop struggling and enjoy films.

So yesterday I had all the back to the future films on as I did chores. Cleaned the place and did loads of admin. I also did some good hard work in the care home gardens in the cold.

Last night I decided to go out and get out of the house and get some meat, the welfare doesn't do meat, and I miss having meat when I have so little money, so I decided to see what was reduced. The roads were foggy and I nearly missed a junction, tut. I did Max's tyre pressures while I was out, cold and dark isn't the ideal time to be playing with hub caps at the garage but I kept putting it off, and especially in the winter, you need to make sure your tyres are OK.

I came home and was so tired, I slept 12 hours pretty solid, dreamed I was a child at Christmas, happy and with other happy children, no stress and squabbles like there were when I was a child.

I got up sleepy and with flashbacks about church and police, and pulled myself back into life and daily routines.

Got chores done but my garden today is postponed to Thursday, so I have no other work until then, and then I have delivery driving Saturday and Sunday night.
When my boss asked me to work Christmas eve, he thought I was doubtful because I asked about finish times, but when I explained about Midnight Mass and how those idiots I had been working for the other year wouldn't let me go for midnight mass, he shook hands with me and said 'A Christian! I am a Muslim! We people of a Faith must stick together!' And I won't be working too late, I will get to Midnight Mass.

So I will be working Christmas Eve, it's a tricky one as I will need petrol and packed food as everywhere will be closed, McDs won't even be open for hot drinks as far as I know. An adventure, and as you know, the roads are dangerous on Christmas and New Years' Eves, and I am working both.
Those will be busy shifts too, I know from experience.

Anyway, so this morning I finally went out to do other errands, cards, bank, post office, and I even managed to get a hair appointment for Thursday, which is cool, my hair is madly thick and long right now, it needs a thin and a prune back to shoulder length.

I got a Christmas baguette for lunch, and sat in my car by the sea and ate that in peace.
The great hill loomed massive and black in the silver and yellow winter light, the sea was calm with breaking surf on the shore.

I was going to hurry home and get on with tasks but I changed my mind, I realized that this would be a good time to go to the Christmas Tree Festival. This has been part of my Christmas for the years since I stopped sleeping rough, and I was afraid I would miss out this year.
But I realized that although I don't like the route from the bay to the festival and it is a bit of a trek, this would be ideal.

I drove through the beautiful winter light and the brown, skeletal and sleeping countryside, out to my fave part of the district, the hills were blue with cold, and the snow clouds hovered over them, while on the cliffs the sun shone and the sea was shimmering silver.

I went in and got my mug of tea, they know me even though they only see me a few times year. The trees had already been judged but I do my own judging. I like coloured lights, creative decorations and tinsel. I awarded local crafts first prize, with young carers second and a local care home third.  But they were all stunning. Sorry no pictures for you this year.

I came home thought the beautiful winter countryside and got some tea, and then went to do the farm. The animals led me a dance round the mud, but they all agreed to be good eventually, otherwise no corn.

Now I am just relaxing slightly with Deck the Halls, and waiting to go out carol singing, what a bad time to get a sore throat, I will go anyway, it isn't too bad.

Sunday, 17 December 2017


Hey peeps,

Yesterday was muddy farm. And the bank managed to retrieve the rest of my cash from their devious cash chomping machine.

I went to work in the evening and worked a hectic shift, came home and was tired and slept soundly.

This morning I woke up sleepy just before 8am, I hadn't slept too bad.
I did the farm, the world was frozen, but it quickly thawed with rising temperatures, and then it started raining.

I did a bit of a tidy up and watched Hollyoaks, then I went to church.

Church was good, the preaching was like lemon and meringue, tasty and sharp. Everyone was very chatty, I don't know how but I always end up with lots of people surrounding me and talking to me, it's funny.

Anyway, I came home in the still pouring rain, and cooked pork and rice, went and did farm duties, and then it was time for church again.

Carol service.
I was reading a lesson too.
I was worried as I am still a bit hoarse and coughing. But it went OK.

The service was interesting and nice, very decorated and Christmassy, and afterwards we had a bit of a party.

Then I came home and there are loads of Christmas films on, and I am just doing very little. I do have chores to do, but I will rest a while.

Saturday, 16 December 2017


Good morning peeps,

Well I am being lazy, I should be in town by now. But I want to drink tea a bit. I need mouthwash and soap as well as the bank, stay clear until then.

Last night as I dithered about dozing on the sofa, I was called into work because a driver didn't turn up.
I had a difficult evening suddenly working, especially as my satnav charger snapped and I no-one had the right replacement, so it was tough.
However, I came home with money, which is good, the bank hadn't recovered all my money from the mean bank machine last night, so money is very essential. I am supposed to be working tonight, I need to find an in-car charger among my things, and the satnav is charging in the kitchen at the moment.

The farm is frozen, even the mud, which is handy for me, the ducks aren't impressed though, they like pond, and when pond is hard, it is no good for swimming. They want a heater, but I told them there is nowhere to plug one in.

I was having nightmares, one was that I was in Winchester and there were shocking press and media attacks, and I got angry and upset, the things published were lies, and a guy in a suit was telling me I missed the worst attack that was on Friday as part of the 82 page election campaign special in the JEP - yes, really in a dream - he said that Sarah Cameron and Eddie Noel were writing and Eddie Noel had been nicknamed ECG Noel, something to do with the hospital.

Funny dream, nasty and vivid, I don't read much on Planet Jersey but that sounds like Planet Jersey stuff.

Anyway, I could do some gardening today or leave it to Monday, I have a few gardens next week, and I am supposed to be working tonight.

Anyone else listening to Bob Rivers? Wreck the Malls.

Come on, get off the sofa and go into town.

Friday, 15 December 2017


Hey peeps,

The Church of England are being rissoles again, we all know what a rissole is, don't we?

I have had way too much crusty tiger bread with my soop, so I have reverted to trainhood for a while, toot toot, chuff, chuff. Trying to decide on a wild dash round the frozen yard or a sleep on the sofa.

Remember the church trying to make me out to be nuts? They tried to use my renouncing of humanity and registering as a train in 2014 as proof. But they didn't learn the lesson of Miracle on 34th Street, which I am just watching.

Hm, another day, another disaster. I woke in pain, lower back, neck, too hot, and I had nightmares, but I recovered.

I headed for town once converted into respectable and presentable, and went to the bank. The line of waiting people was huge, so I thought I would use the pay-in machine and save time, ha!

The machine was snickering as I walked over. It took my money, laughed, came up with an error message, returned my card but didn't register or return my cash. I was horrified, and the bank was busy and no staff around, I didn't want to leave the machine in case I lost my cash, and other people were waiting.

I was lucky that a member of staff had come out to sign for parcels, and I grabbed her, not literally, but I got her and wailed unhappily to her about how I was broke and the machine was too.

I had to sit for a long time in a waiting area while they beat the machine up and demanded it return my money, the machine was most unwilling and reluctantly spat some of the money out. They paid the spat money into my account and told me they hoped to restore the rest when the engineer came by. They said they would phone me, by closing they had restored more of my money, but the engineer hadn't finished, so I hope it will be all restored by tomorrow.

So I went off to try and do some work, but I was too upset by the cash machine incident and it had taken a lot of time, so the day was thrown out.
I went and got welfare bread instead, and oranges.

I am kind of tired but reluctant to doze due to being worried about making my sleep worse, and due to having tasks to do. I did the farm this afternoon, muddy.

I am watching Miracle on 34th Street. I was waiting to see if I was called in to work, but no, they asked if I can do Christmas Eve, and I can just imagine my old friend, who the church took by destroying me, she would be tutting and getting worried, Christmas and New Year's eves are the most dangerous times to work. She was right though, she tutted and I was nearly hit by a drink driver. I will be working those days because I need the money.

Tomorrow I will do a few hours work that I hoped to do today.  I will get welfare food as well.

It is bitter freezing howling wind and I want to stay in the duvet on the sofa.

Thursday, 14 December 2017


Hey peeps.

Just watching Frosty the Snowman, I have never seen it before and never realized how grim and downbeat it is.

Yesterday I started coughing bad again, after thinking I was getting better, and last night I coughed a bit of blood, the cough must have burst a blood vessel.

I had a bad night with coughing and nightmares. The wind and rain and sleet howled and hammered all night.

I woke up tired and coughed some more, coughed some blood.

I have only one garden left for the week, so it will get done tomorrow.

I have an evening shift tonight.

I tried to eat tuna and rice for lunch but it wouldn't go down, came up with loads of froth after getting stuck.
This is what happened the other week, I hope the chest infection isn't from food in my lungs, I can't do home gastroscopies, I can only get omeprazole, do you remember when I was homeless and I had problems with my easophogus and they said it could easily recur and I had danger of barretts easophogus or cancer. I do not like gastroscopies. I am sure it is all fine.

The sky is grey and it is very wintry.

Now it's snowing with a howling wind, sofa and blanket time.

Wednesday, 13 December 2017


Good evening peeps,

Yesterday the weather did things like freeze, rain, wind, hail, sleet, it is doing the same today.

I tried to stabilize the mud in the paddocks, but didn't have enough material and I was cold and tired, the other work was cancelled.

I didn't do much in the evening.

Today I woke up feeling better after a good sleep and thought maybe I was OK.

I went and run errands, and came home with new boots, I may have no money but walking around with wet feet all the time is bad for me. I only had one pair of shoes and one pair of boots and both were worn through.

I am doing the housework now and watching Hollyoaks, I did the farm, in the cold windy wet sort of weather, and then watched Mean Girls 2, with my big duvet for company.

Unfortunately I started coughing really bad, I thought I was getting better, now who knows?
My right lung was always the bad one, and I can feel fluid in it.

Tomorrow I am not sure if I will work in the morning but I have an evening shift.

Tuesday, 12 December 2017


Morning peeps,

Yesterday morning I set off in the dark and snow, to get into town early, the dark and snow can confuse things on the long road, because I thought I was approaching the junction when I wasn't, I was going slow, but the snow was blowing fiercely.

The roads were busy, probably everyone had decided to go early and allow more time, and most people were being careful and allowing lots of room, which was good.

I had errands in town, including bank and pharmacy.

The bank was fine, I like the new twirly coin machine.

Then I went to the pharmacy, they looked at what I was on, and advised. Normally I would have the expectorant that the NHS said, but I can't afford it  and have got through two bottles of it this time anyway with no relief, and I have been on rather useless cold and flu capsules. So the pharmacy put me back on codeine and got me something to clear my lungs. Told me I need serious medical treatment if my lungs don't clear soon.

I came home in the sleet, rain, and wind, and the only option was to take these meds and sleep on the sofa in a blanket, so I did.

I woke from my drugged dream when the phone beeped at 11.45am, I was being asked to work a driving shift in the evening.

I didn't take any more codeine, and indeed I was feeling somewhat better, sometimes one dose of codeine can smack the pain out the window so my muscles can relax.
But outside the weather was still terrible, the forecast was for the rain and sleet to stop and the temperature to go below freezing, icy roads.

I decided I would go ahead and do the shift, I need the work, and they need to know they can rely on me and call on me, so I won't miss out on extra shifts.

I did the farm, the farm is very muddy, I need to find something so that we can safely do the animals without slipping. I need to do the animal bedding too.
This morning's garden has cancelled until the new year as their garden is under water.

I went to do the shift last night, I was expecting to be cold and for the roads to be really dangerous, but I was OK, and the roads weren't too bad, the gritters had been round and most places had standing water rather than ice.
I had one difficult experience, I was on a double delivery, and the satnav tried to send me to the second delivery down a country lane, I came to a ford, and it was passable, but I came to another ford and it wasn't, it was raging and I was worried, especially as the lane was tiny and I had trouble turning, some time later I got out of the country lanes, and the satnav promptly lost me on another route to the house. I was steaming by the time I got there and apologized for the delay.

The rest of the evening was relatively smooth, and the roads remained not too bad. I also didn't feel cold or unwell really, I didn't take any meds at all during the shift.

I came home and went to bed. Slept pretty soundly and no dreams, woke too hot.

Now I still have one person booked in and one floating garden, but I have a feeling that nothing much can be done, everything is currently frozen white. It is beautiful though.

There have been accidents locally over night and into the morning, currently counting one near here and three a bit  further out, so it did really freeze during the night. The gritters have been on duty all night, but of course they can't get everything.

I still have lingering illness problems but am feeling a lot brighter at the moment.

Monday, 11 December 2017


Good morning peeps,

The weather has been frightful, ice, snow, rain, wind, it still is.

Yesterday I went to church, it was sweet, nice songs, nice preaching.
And afterwards there were three of us who realised we all felt the same, out of control of life circumstances, so we had a hug.
Someone gave me a little hand knitted Christmas stocking with sweets in, and someone else gave me a gift wrapped parcel. I know what it is, you can't persuade some of these people that I can't wear coats and jumpers without getting ill.

Anyway, as I was ill, I did very little for the rest of the day. a bit of TV and things.

I managed to sleep a bit better but with vivid dreams of Jersey.

I woke at about 4am, heard people talking, it was drunk people making their way home after getting drunk, very risky being out in that weather in that state.
But I couldn't sleep again, so eventually I got up, I showered, dressed, had tea, and put some washing on, seeing as there is no-one home to disturb.
The washing is just finishing before it goes in the dryer.

It is windy and sleety and I have to get into town before it gets too busy.

Yes I am still ill, my nose, eyes, sinuses and lungs are hot and dry. I am in pain and tired.

Sunday, 10 December 2017


Morning peeps,

It is very wet and windy, the farm is a muddy swamp, not fun.
The animals are not amused and demand a holiday somewhere warm.

Welby-Damned is doing his narcissist PR stunt thing.

Yesterday I went for coffee with my friend, we went Christmas shopping and had fun and saw other friends before going back for lunch, yummy Christmas baguettes.

Then I went and finished sorting out the lockups.

Then I did the evening feeds at the farm and went to work delivery driving.

Despite still being ill, I had a surprisingly good shift.

I got home only tired enough to go to bed.

I woke early this morning, didn't sleep too badly but am still in pain and coughing.

I am watching Hollyoaks before church.

Saturday, 9 December 2017


Good morning peeps,

The land is frozen white, beautiful.

The ducks took one look at the frozen pond and demanded an explanation, I replied that if they stop vandalizing the duck house door, I will stop freezing their pond.

It is wicked cold, and that is helping me as I am ill, the cold doesn't help all ill people but with me, any illness or tension sets off muscle spasms which are agonizing, and the cold actually helps, strange but true.

I have to shower and go and meet my friend for coffee. In the meantime I will nag David, hey David, I don't believe you, give me a real answer to breaking the cycle.

Yeeks, he didn't expect that, did he? Now he will phone me,

Danger Mouse is on TV, Saturday TV, aww.

I made tea in a pot.

Friday, 8 December 2017


Good evening peeps,

Well, if you say your ill at this time of year, people say 'Oh, there's a lot of it about' and other annoying automatic phrases.
My ill is chest infection, tired, and this headache and pain behind the eyes, you know if my temperature goes up, that will be the marching pneumonias.

The meal the other night was awesome.

The rest of the time it has rained or been freezing, so that has made work interesting.

I am watching Miracle on 34th Street on Netflix, surprise, surprise.

I had better go to bed, I didn't sleep well last night and have had a stressful day today.  And the cough seems worse again.

Tomorrow I will have coffee and go Christmas shopping with my friend, then I have sorting out to do at the lockup, technically I could do some gardening work, but best leave it to monday now, and then I am supposedly on a delivery driving shift, they didn't turn me down, they were keen to keep me, but they keep messing up the hours.

Wednesday, 6 December 2017


Good evening peeps,

As you may have realised, yesterday was the London run, and yes it was out of sync, and after missing the last one due to the house move and the way the church destroyed me at Canterbury, it was good to get back into things, and it was an exciting and fast paced day.

My London song as I write this isn't one of the more usual ones but one of my oldest favourites from when I was a teenager

My love affair with London is as strong as ever, homelessness and the hatred of the Church of England as they slandered me round services in London didn't diminish it at all.

I am still buzzing, and still recovering, as you can guess.
I woke this morning, a bit late, unsurprisingly as it was nearly midnight before I arrived home and went to bed, and of course the after effects of the travel and excitement and turbulence of the day will always impact on me, even if my pain and illness management is pretty good now.

So I have had an even quieter day than planned, I don't feel ill exactly, but in pain and tired, not too bad.
I had hoped to catch up some work but one garden postponed and to be honest I decided not to do much, I went to the care home to make sure the leaves weren't a hazard, and I nipped round to see how a project at the community gardens was going, and I went and did the farm.

And that was it, because, it is the day after London, and I have a Christmas meal out this evening with the girls. I don't feel wonderfully Christmassy or like going out for a meal, but I will.

But London was quite an adventure this time, a lot went on, and a lot of high adventure and adrenaline was had. Wow. I love London!

Tuesday, 5 December 2017

There is an outraged shriek from London, and ten heavy policemen and a dog hurrying towards Embankment.
'They said she went this way' said and officer.

'Who are you looking for, police?' asked JJ, but they were busy, so she went and hung upside down on some railings to see what would happen.

Last night I dreamed I saw an angel dancing
along the corridors of power,
dancing for truth among the greed and lies
that seem to pave those hallowed towers.

Monday, 4 December 2017


Good evening peeps,

I nearly wrote 'Air Israel, please clear the runway!' because I am watching Airplane!

Today has been quiet, well for me, not for the church of england, they are steaming, storming, throwing tantrums, and as usual, lying.

Anyway, someone had let the hens out at the farm, the hens are meant to be in while the owners are away.
So I did the geese and ducks and had to wait until the hens went to roost to shut them in. So I went down to the sea and sat there for a while and thought.
Yeah, really.

After the hens were in, I came home and have done the housework and things, a big clear up and some films. Just waiting for my washing to dry before bed.

Sunday, 3 December 2017


Good evening peeps,

The Church of England's Satan-led public lies roll on, and still no-one has the authority to say that in this day and age we don't need and shouldn't allow a huge Godless corporation like that to exist and abuse as it does.

This morning I woke up from another restless and nightmare-filled night, woke up sick.
I get this headache and dry eyes sometimes, a day or so of feeling headachy and dry eyes and skin, can't sweat or make tears, it isn't much fun, I guess it is the heat of indoors, despite the damp in here. Talking of damp, I was also drowning when I woke, my cough isn't better, right now it is worse.

Anyway, I went and did the farm, then I headed for church, rather than drive home and out again.

I was early, so I parked, then my friend arrived, her husband was off sick, indeed a number of the congregation were sick, and I didn't feel up to sitting through the first service, so I went in town, got a cheap hot chocolate from the vending machine, chocomilk has always been number 42 on the machine, even since I was a teenager, how funny.

Anyway, then I went back for the second service, my friends were off sick, so the front row grabbed me and squashed me in, I felt less like being squashed in than ever, but I endured it all, it was all a bit of an endurance, and I came out in a rash, heat rash or allergy I don't know, but it was hot in there, and afterwards I escaped and came home without stopping to chat.

At home I did fish cake and potatos, watched films and caught up with Hollyoaks, and then went to the farm and then the welfare.
The welfare patted me vaguely on the head, fed me, gave me food and toiletries, and my table mate was worried because I couldn't hide the fact that I am ill.

I came home again and did any pain therapy and meds that I could, and eye drops, the eye drops give some relief before my eyes dry again. I do not know if this illness, which has always happened occasionally, is to do with the whiplash and not supporting my neck or if it is unrelated or caused by stress or heat. It's a strange one, where I can't sweat or make tears.

Anyway, I am watching Naked Gun 1, and doing various stuff.

Saturday, 2 December 2017


Very Tired.

This one is for Bob Hill, as ever

Yesterday I did farm duties in the freezing cold, the owners' son was there with his mates, using mummy and daddy's mansion as a party house for the weekend, fair play to him, he did offer me hot drinks.

After the farm, I went and helped at church all evening and got very tired.

I came home and had another restless and stressed night. The dreams woke me up deeply sad in the early hours, the problem was, the dream was too vivid and too detailed, too true, and it is a recurring one. I can't tell you about it as it appears to be a premonition.

Anyway, so I started off depressed, I went and did the farm, someone had hit a lamp post on the way.
I came home and did the washing and pottered on with things, and did salad for lunch before heading for church to be good and do my share of the work.

Haha, I do the impossible sometimes, I never see myself as good with children, nor good with craft, but teaching children to make decorations was the special dubious honour that a certain person had awarded to me, and it was exhausting, but very successful.

I liked the marzipan cakes we had.

After an exhausting afternoon, I went to the farm to close up.

I came home so tired that I can't do much.
This week has put so much strain on my neck, I have the machine on it and I am watching the film of Are you being Served?
The teeth bit still makes me laugh so much.

Funny co-incidence to see Guernsey poking their noses onto the blog, bog off donkeys!

Friday, 1 December 2017


Hey peeps,

I am having trouble typing, I am tired and my head and neck ache, I couldn't get my neck to respond to the machine yesterday, I seem to have pulled a muscle but now it is the usual neck spasm.

Yesterday I did the mowing.
Then I came back home for a while.

Then I went to do the farm. It was all cold and frozen up there and I was glad of my jumper.

Then I went to try this new delivery driving job.

The guy who had offered me the job wasn't there, and the other people didn't know he had hired me, so that wasn't a good start, no-one explained anything, except the other driver, who told me that we weren't just working for one takeaway but three.

I was nervous, I didn't really feel up to it, the years of harm by the church and police have worn me down and I am not really fit for work, especially not pressurized work.
And with multiple places to pick deliveries up from, it was pressurized.
I worked all evening, and it was stressful, they kept putting the wrong addresses on the takeaways.
And I didn't know the system for sorting the money out, and no-one knew that nothing had been explained, but it got done.
They didn't say anything about me coming back, neither did I, whoever hired me hadn't told them anything.

I was very tired and dying for the loo as I hadn't stopped all evening, and Max had got so low on petrol that I was worried, I think the man at the petrol station was worried at how I looked because he made jokes to cheer me up.

I came home and slept a restless and stressful night and got up late because I have no work until the farm this evening, and after that I am helping set up for something.

I will go to the welfare for coffee and to pick up some food.

Someone got me the Jacqui Lawson advent calender, but I don't really want it any more, it is all a pretence, it used to be special.
I wanted the alpine one but I have the sea one and it is the same as last year, and the sea isn't beautiful for me any more.