oddments

according to the little charts and statistics, my blog has gone silent, no-one is listening any more, but because the blog is keeping me occupied and out of the weather, I will continue to write.

I have just been to the camp and the daycentre for several cups of tea and a sausage roll, that was lunch, and thinking time.

I hate to be judgemental, but why are churches the best place for gossip sometimes? why are they places where people huddle and gossip? Not all churches, obviously, not your church.

I forgot to say anything about solvent abuse didn't I? It isn't something I know much about, and I wouldn't distinguish solvent abuse symptoms from drug abuse symptoms.
The other night when I was at soup kitchen with the punk couple, there was a man hanging around the protest camp and the punk girl warned our friend V. that the man was a solvent abuser looking for aerosols, V. confronted him and confiscated a few aerosols and put them under guard, the punk girl went on to explain solvent abuse to me and told me that man was in trouble anyway and probably going to prison soon. Shudder.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solvent_abuse

Now educated in solvent abuse, I can distinguish some incidents I have seen when people have been using solvents and not other drugs. How ignorant I was.

I just realised that every single time I have been to the doctor or nurse in the past two months or more I have been given prescriptions of varying sorts, often multiple prescriptions, oh how I hate wasting NHS money! I don't pay for prescriptions but I don't think they should bother to prescribe me things like paracetamol, and as for the inhalers, the multiple changes to my inhalers has been confusing and wasted inhalers and money. Anyway, I am not ranting, just musing, but you may have realised that I am a bit raw, a bit sharp and easily upset sometimes, I am and I don't want to be, but it is like I have been emotionally flayed and am kind of without skin emotionally at the moment, never mind thin skinned, I have no skin! emotional leprosy? I might get told off for saying that.

I made a mistake yesterday, it is the anniversary of Dad's death tomorrow, not today.
Hm, I'm silly, I don't want time to go by and yet I think tomorrow is today.

I used to love Christmas and winter, me and my brother made it such a special time, but now I dread Christmas, years of lonely, painful or violent Christmases and last Christmas was so terrible because of the church. I want time to stop so there is no Christmas, a bit like in Narnia in the Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe, a great book that someone has ruined into a film to make money - excuse my prejudice if you liked the film.
I don't want halloween and bonfire night and my lovely cold winter, because none of it is fun any more, it is just hurt, the summer is just hurt as well though, because I will never sail or surf again, all the good is gone, and now I am going to stop talking because it is reminding me that all the good is done and I survive by not remembering.