This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Sunday, 30 April 2017


Good evening peeps,

Well yes, I went to Church this morning and only got back an hour ago.
You can guess - I got invited out for lunch, only it was a party.

I have had a lovely time.

This morning I got up at 8am after an uneventful night's sleep, as usual I thought there would be loads of time, so I ended up doing some writing. And didn't allow enough time for a shower or to cut and scrub my nails, which were looking bad from yesterday.
If I had known I would be out most of the day, I would have had my shower before I did any writing, this is a daily issue, if I don't jump in the shower first, then time gets low.

Anyway, Church was nice, I listened to my church mates stories of various crisis turning into better news, good. Lets see if I can do that in my life too.
The service was good.

After the service, I unexpectedly got an invitation, I am never expecting invitations, I am always very happy to just enjoy time with my peeps and then go. But all the same, I was invited, and I have had a most delightful time. I didn't get home until an hour ago, and just missed watching Short Circuit, but Mrs Doubtfire is on.

I must get the flat cleaned. And some paperwork done, and yes, I will probably have the whole day off tomorrow. I am pedantic, I think days off are for at home, because I get sea views and drives and cafes as part of my working week, so I like to be at home when I should have time off. I like sitting down and looking at a television and thinking about all the housework and writing I should be doing.

I have had lots of good food and company today, and it feels good, but I am scared to feel good or be treated kindly as I have been, because my whole life is overshadowed by the Church of England and their complicit authorities and the threat to me and condemnation of me.

Saturday, 29 April 2017


Hey peeps,

It is Saturday and I have been at work today, so I get a merit badge, and some boiled sweets.

It has been a warm day, and I always find that working on Saturdays is more relaxed than working in the week, it feels Saturdayish even as you work.

This morning I was extremely relieved to wake from a nightmare about Jersey, the Jersey Deanery and Jane Fisher, I woke up gasping. I was so relieved it was a nightmare.

I staggered to get my cuppa and I put the television on as it is the weekend and that is allowed. Great Expectations was on, and it was nice to watch some of that.

Then off to work I went.

I was pretty much alone, quietly weeding and pruning in the morning, a flying lunch and some shopping in town at lunchtime. I forgot to get rice or toilet rolls as I am a bit disorganized at the moment, but then it was on to the next lot of work, mainly mowing this time.

I finished at 5pm and came home aching and feeling pleased to have worked.
I went back out for toilet rolls and rice when I had washed and changed, and then I tried to find something on TV but apart from the Big Bang Theory, nothing worth watching has been on.

The flat needs a damn good clean and tidy, and I have the next two days off, so it will get done.

My hands are so dry from working in dry drought-ridden soil, I have to use moisture cream and things. When I was crossing the intersection, the radio told me there is heavy rain tomorrow afternoon and I yelled 'Yipee!' and startled everyone.

I just did an invoice for the rental properties and sent that. Us self-employed people have paperwork, unlike you employed people who have all the paperwork done for you, maybe.

The car's best friend just caught me out by emailing to say he would service and MOT Max on Friday. I decided that despite wanting to get it over with, trying to do it during another four-day week due to the bank holiday, and with the team work pushed up, it would be too much, so he has gone for the following week. I think Max will be OK.

I have a dilemma, it is nearly bed time and I am tired. My house rule is no computer or tablet in the bedroom or at bed time, and yet I have anew book on Kindle that I so want to read, what shall I do?

Friday, 28 April 2017


Good evening,

I have been working hard and am tired.
Tomorrow I hope to work all day and then I will have Sunday and Monday off.

Not much to declare.
Apart from the flat needs cleaning and I am working Saturday.

Thursday, 27 April 2017

Thursday morning

Good morning peeps,

Well I was busy yesterday so I didn't update.

I got to the holiday cottage early and by the time the boys came by to drop off the ton bags and my mower, I was well into my work, I was mowing the lawn and bumping my head on the apple tree, I swear that tree moves it's branches and laughs each time I bump my head.

Anyway, the boys were only just on their way to work and wouldn't get there for another 20 minutes, so I got the merit badge for having started early. And they were impressed with how the cottage garden had changed.

I was pleased with my mower, it started sweetly and I also worked out how to fit it into Max without any hassle, at last!

It was a quiet day, the caretaker didn't stop by, the neighbour came round and asked me to cut some tree branches away from his fence, the neighbours there are like that, but they are nice to me because I am nice to them,

Eventually it was time to pack up, lock up, and head home, so I came home and worked through my assignment over and over until I ached, and then I handed it in.

I was so tense after that that I found it hard to settle to sleep, but I did. I dreamed about bad lodgings in the past. But I woke up reasonably relaxed.

This morning I have the cliff top and then the mansion, and they are close to each other, and then I have the two properties that need to look good for viewings, they are more of a challenge but it is mainly mowing, so I need to fill the petrol can on my way to work.

Tuesday, 25 April 2017


Good evening peeps,

No reason for no blog yesterday.

I was working on the team yesterday. I got there early and got coffee, started work as no-one was there, and started to worry about my workmate after 20 minutes.

Then I heard a van, but it was the boss's van not the works van. I was more worried then. But it turned out that the boss was using my workmate to catch up another round because work had got behind while he had been off with a bad back, so I worked with the boss instead, and the time just flew by. We had a perfectly good day, and although the clouds looked ominous, no rain fell. Then we finished the day with a new garden and my workmate joined us for that.

I was tired last night so I watched television, did some written work, drifted and went to bed early.

This morning I woke up bright and early, I didn't have a very early start, so I paid some bills and did some housework before work.

Then off to work, working for one of my old ladies, her garden is nearly under control, then I nipped to town for the bank and lunch and other things, then off to the next garden, my old mate's garden, where I ripped out massive flowering grasses and there was pollen everywhere, not fun. Anyway, I finished that, then I was done for the day. I could have booked the care home in for the afternoon but I have an assignment due in for Thursday, the last one before end of term assessment.

Those who haven't been following the story of my studies, I was due to study music and creative writing this year and as usual I had to do a lot of prep work due to my learning difficulties. But the church launched the police on me and trashed my life and ruined my studies, my schedule and plans and university, although the police had no credible charge to bring, and it ruined university for the year, I deferred music last term, but am completing creative writing. I will finish this academic year hopefully with just two and a half modules to go to an honours degree.

Anyway, so I came home after two gardens and am just working the final draft of this assignment. A two-thousand word piece with a five hundred work commentary.

The nice lady who I did seasonal work just emailed to ask if I have space for another garden, and I guess I can squeeze one more in if it isn't too big.

Tomorrow I have the all-day clearance job at the holiday cottage.  Thursday I have two regulars in one area and the the two properties to prepare for viewing - mainly mowing. Friday I have the farm. Maybe the care home over the weekend, but there is another bank holiday to mess my routines up.

Last night it rained when I was in bed, which is no bad thing, but we need more rain, I am still trying to keep plants alive and struggling to dig anything.

Sunday, 23 April 2017


Good evening peeps,

This morning I actually slept in quite comfily in my soft bed. That's a first in a long time. The bite guard was the other side of the room, so I can't have been that peaceful in my sleep.
I got up at 9am.

These days the Hollyoaks omnibus is on early, as if they know I am a churchgoer again. But even by the time I was up, I only caught the end of Hollyoaks on E4+1.

As usual for a Sunday, I scrambled through my routine and sped off to church, I didn't speed, I just sped.

Church was cool as usual, and thankfully no-one asked me out to lunch.

I came straight home after church, there is plenty to do on my task list.

I had letters, housework, and also my work schedule to organize.

I cooked diced lamb and rice for lunch while watching the Princess Diaries and getting on with the paperwork and housework and other things.

My garden clearance has to be done earlier in the week than usual as the holiday cottage has guests later in the week, annoying as I have to reschedule my work schedule again and try not to disrupt too many customers. But it frees up time to get those other properties ready for viewings.

I emailed the car's best friend regarding Max's MOT and the workup for that. He was very helpful in his reply. He will source and fit the wipers and pump and will service and oil change Max and see what else may need doing. He will also arrange the MOT. He has photos of Florence's head gasket change online, I never knew that.

Max has MOT to the beginning of June so he can't be MOT'd until next month but it is good to prepare in advance, especially if you are on a budget.

The flat has had it's clean, including mopping. And my lunch and tomorrow's work gear is all ready. Max has had a wash.

Airplane 2 was on, but it isn't at all the same thing. Airplane itself is my Jersey story, but Airplane 2 was a moneyspinner spin-off that was not done or condoned by the original and brilliant directors, a bit like Mean Girls and Mean Girls 2, it is not the same thing, but it has grown on me a bit, today I actually watched it without freaking about the court and psychiatric scenes.

I am tired, but pretty much ready for the week. Oh, and the farm paid me, so there is plenty of food in the house.

We have the holiday estates run tomorrow, and since the coffee kiosk on the beach re-opened, it is a bit easier for me, but I have to remember the school traffic will be back tomorrow so I have to leave plenty of time to get to work, I will leave here at 7.30 to get there on time.

I have to work out what to do about my mower now, it is in my workmate's van but I hate having it in Max, and it is so hard to get it in and out of Max.

Saturday, 22 April 2017


Good evening,

I am tired, I think it is bed time after my favourite film ends.

This morning my temporary phone decided the alarms did work, after a week of them not working, it is fortunate that I have woken up well during the week.

So I was rudely awakened from some very interesting dreams at 6.15am this morning, how annoying.
I grabbed the phone, sent it flying, the battery came out and the alarm stopped, well that is one way to do it. I dozed for 15 minutes before getting up.

I had been dreaming, dreaming about Winchester and Stockbridge and Romsey, dreaming about Wolvsley and garden parties, that dream often happens. But mixed in with that dream was a dream about the estate, and the grumbling people who expect us to do miracles when we have one day a fortnight there and that isn't enough to cover everything. So as well as driving the boss mad, it is literally becoming a nightmare to me.

Anyway, so at 6.30 this morning I started writing, I wrote a 500 word commentary on some work due in next week.

Time drifted by, and 'Are you being Served' was on again, I cleaned the bathroom in the advert breaks. Then Melissa and Joey was on, and the My Parents are Aliens.

I cleaned and swept things, did paperwork and work schedules and also relaxed and watched television.
I did special potatoes for lunch.

After lunch it was time for fresh air, so I went for a drive, the tide was boring, I had shopping to do, toiletries, household, groceries. So that is all done.

I got home, did coffee, and the tv listing said that Airplane! was on at 7.10pm!

So I am sitting here in my duvet, watching Airplane, just as I did that first time in Jersey, long ago, but someone is missing. Someone who this is all about. And until he and I are there on St. Clements Bay, my soul will cry.
But if I am far from Jersey, he is further.

Friday, 21 April 2017


Hey peeps,

I am tired, I haven't been updating due to working very hard to get my work under control.
I have also had some pain and some codeine. Still in pain but maybe the weekend will cure it.
My work is done, so I get the weekend off, but it was a hard push to get it done and obviously triggered pain.

I would like to say that next week is easier, but maybe not, I have my monthly clearance of the holiday cottage, which takes a day, I also have these rental properties to prepare for viewings, blah, and all the usual people to fit in as well, I may have a break from doing the care home next week in order to ease the load. The care home leave the garden and schedule entirely in my hands and I got a lot done there yesterday, I got home late and put my clothes straight in the wash.

Today I have been at the farm, no-one there and they didn't say they were away or make any arrangement to pay me, which is a bugger because after doing Max's tyres and various other bills and with unpaid leave at Easter, I am a bit short of money.

My workmates on the team tried to play a joke on me on Monday, they put a penalty notice on my car, it would have been more realistic if it hadn't been an empty penalty notice envelope, because I could see before I got to the car that it was empty. But it is good to have a laugh.

I have just been watching Home Alone, the second easy film to watch that has been on when I got home from work, The Princess Diaries was on the other day. I guess I should turn over to Hollyoaks now.

The new Dean of Jersey is the former Vice-Dean of Guernsey, I say it's about keeping it in the family but someone in Jersey told me there is more to it than that. Ho-hum.

The ground is so dry that it is really hard to work, this drought, in spring of all times, is playing havoc with the young plants and cultivations.

Tuesday, 18 April 2017

Guernsey are getting pervy with my blogs because of their Vice-Dean becoming the Dean of Jersey.

Monday, 17 April 2017

Easter Monday

Good evening peeps,

Finally there is something on TV!
'Are you being Served' the move is on. Cool. You know my favourite bit, the joke teeth. Although there are other bits. Mr Humphreys and Mrs Slocombe and the tent.

Well I am tired.

I was due to go on a walk today and then do some work.

Well it turned out that the walk, although an absolute delight, was much longer than estimated, and so by the time we returned the car park and were drinking tea, it was well into the afternoon. So, with a bit of help from my friends, I decided not to go ahead with any work, and instead I came home and did supper, and am enjoying Are you being Served.
The scene with the note passing is on, and it is funny, I never get tired of this.

I am working in the advert breaks, work gear, tomorrow's lunch etc.

Mr Humphries is being chased by his misguided male suitor.

'Oh my God, they shot off his waterworks!'

'Not Mr Lucas?'

'You're dressed as a nun, your habit could save you!'

'That would make a change!'

Aw, it's finished, but Doc Martin is on in about an hour. Well, the best Easter I have ever had only showed one decent film, Are you being Served?

Saturday, 15 April 2017


Hey peeps,

I am in pyjamas, early night tonight. The joy of holidays.

I have spent most of today in the same way as yesterday, sorting and cleaning, getting the flat and my life more under control. This is what holidays are for.

I did go out a few times but the sea was boringly calm, there was a nice sunset though.
But mainly I have simply been sorting stuff out, life has been so hectic and turbulent that there has been years worth of sorting to do, and most of it was from the lockup, just big boxes of muddle.

The flat looks good now. Not for long, it is a big place and hard to keep clean, the worst things are creepy crawlies and dust bunnies, I love the flat but you can imagine me crossly chasing dust bunnies about, can't you?
I don't chase the real bunny, he isn't mine, he isn't Esso Fred the third but he is by my door, so I make him jump sometimes when I go in or out.

I was due to go and see the adoptives today, as you know, but I decided that I didn't feel up to travelling that distance and risking being ill from travelling, and I had so much to do here, and I was hoping for some decent television. So I was home most of the day. Never mind, there's always another time. And as for decent television! Again, Call the Midwife was the best the lousy telly could do! They will show all the decent TV when I am at church tomorrow or out on Monday. Bah.

Tomorrow I will probably go to church, and not much else planned.

On Monday I will go out for an Easter walk with a load of people in the morning, and I have decided to work Monday afternoon as the pressure of work could make me ill the rest of the week otherwise, trying to cram all my jobs into four days looks like too much, and I can't afford to leave any jobs out this week. So I will do three hours or so of work after the Easter walk, no rest for the wicket-keeper.

Friday, 14 April 2017

Good Friday

Good evening peeps,

A tired, achy and frustrated nortyperson here. Holidays are hard work and distress is easy.
There is too much to do, everything is messy and I feel sad, I have tried so hard.

This morning I woke from a distressed and troubled night and nightmares, I woke at 8am but didn't get out the door until after 9. I was heading for my lock up to do sorting, and there was just so much to bring home and sort out, and that is what I have been doing for most of the day. As well as stopping to remember that Jesus died today, and at least he is only dead for part of the weekend.

There is stuff everywhere despite my hard work, but the washing is all done, Max is clean and I have done so much.

I have also published the test run of my new book 'The Rogue to Canterbury'.

I was supposed to have a day out and see my adoptive parents tomorrow but I am feeling doubtful, I am tired and aching and I don't know how I will feel tomorrow.
I know I needed a holiday but without work, it is hard not to get distressed, and the sorting stuff out is stressful.

I also still have a sore throat which I had for three days, it isn't recovering with TCP so I am not happy.

And may I take this opportunity to complain about poor quality television when it is bank holiday. Call the Midwife was the only decent thing on all day, and it was on all day.

From 2015 - The Steel Cross by Junie Wanman

This film script by Ms. Wanman is also known as 'How to write a farce'.

HG sat by the Great Ship Bay with the blue bike. HG was watching the Solar eclipse, although she couldn't really watch it because of the cloud.
The blue bike was muttering about looking like a lump of mud.

HG was wondering how to continue the re-enaction of Jesus Life when she didn't have a donkey for Palm Sunday, 'It's not fair, the Church of England has so many donkeys and they won't lend me one'.

The blue bike liked to pretend to be a horse, but it drew the line at being a donkey, huffed crossly and reminded HG that only Lou Scott-Joynt illegally rode her bike in the Cathedral Close and on the precinct, and because the police in Winchester are the Church's private mafia, Scott-Joynt could get away with it but HG couldn't.

This was true.

Applications to the Bishop for one of his donkeys to be borrowed for  Palm Sunday failed, as the Bishop had promoted them all to legal and safeguarding positions to that they could assess the Steel report and give it marks out of ten.
When the Bishop's solicitors, Batty-Broadbent, were questioned on this matter, they denied all knowlege, because although the Bishop claimed that he had legal and safeguarding experts reviewing the report, his solicitors and all genuine safeguarding officials knew nothing about it,
while those assessing the Steel report got worried because they didn't know what it meant but they knew that Steel, Philip Bailhache and others had acted illegally and were afraid to tell the Bishop that he would be arrested if he published his obviously illegal actions.
Unbeknown them, the Bishop already knew this, hence getting his donkeys to assess the Steel report for 10 years, thus keeping them in employment until everyone forgot the Steel report and it was dsposed of in secret by shredding it and using it as communion wafers, this had the bonus of killing off all the old people, because the diocese of winchester is progressive evangelical.
The Bishop also hoped Steel would pass away in the meantime so she wouldn't object.
So, the Bishop refused HG a donkey as they were all so busy.

Hg was not impressed, having done the being 33 and travelling homeless persecuted and scorned by Church Pharisees routine, how could they skip the donkey ride before crucifying her on a Steel Cross, not fair, the whole plot was unravelling!

The Bishop decided he was going to do a minor crucifiction and only release parts of the Steel report that didn't implicate him as party to a crime. But it was difficult to disentangle the parts of the report that he needed, as the whole thing had been written very cleverly to stitch HG up and absolve wrongdoers of blame, which was a repeat of a repeat of a repeat in the Jersey matter, and HG was autistic, and objected to being stitched up when she had no physical injuries and the wounds that needed stitching were emotional and psychological.
And on the subject of psychology, HG had really smashed the diocese in the teeth when she produced a psychological report from treatment starting before the Korris rubbish was released, that refuted the Korris rubbish.

And those who still don't know, the Korris rubbish omitted Hg's views, and the Bishop lied to a court of law and claimed that efforts were made to include HG, which is not the case as HG was traced AFTER the report was published, and her amendments were not included when she was traced AFTER the report was published. The report was never amended but was left online and given to the police and press as if it was fact, and not removed until HG took the Bishop to court. The report remained in the Diocese's archives until recently, when it was removed, presumably to cover the Bishop's back when he publishes the conflicted Steel report, or it was removed because HG made a formal complaint against Korris. Funny how the loud and proud cover-up report that they spewed all over the press so HG was slandered by strangers and attacked and driven out, was removed so quietly, not a word.

So anyway, none of that produces a donkey, so HG applied to the tribunals, complaining that the Diocese had scourged her and and were crucifying her but there was no donkey to get to Winchester on. The tribunals were typical church, so they told her they would be in touch in a few years time.
Meanwhile someone told HG that her weight would be so unfair to the donkey anyway.
This whole crucifixion business was really unravelling, but HG had watched Evan Almighty so she knew things would be OK.

HG asked Jesus where her donkey was.
Jesus said 'Remember, if you try to reconstruct a situation, the strengths and weaknesses are reversed'.

And Shrek emailed saying he could not lend donkey as he would go mad with the peace and quiet.

And so, that Easter, the Bishop of Winchester was crucified on his cross of Steel.
And while they tried to work out how to hammer nails into a Steel cross, HG went round letting all their car tyres down. Something you couldn't do in Jerusalem 2000 years ago, which is why St. Peter cut people's ears off instead, totally impolite in this day and age.

The end.

If anyone reading this would like to donate a donkey for the day, I will walk alongside it to the Cathedral on Palm Sunday in protest at the way I have been treated by the Church of England.

Thursday, 13 April 2017

Thursday - Easter Holidays!

Good evening peeps,

I am off duty, home from work, home for the holidays. I am in my pyjamas and my work clothes are in the wash, supper is on, and there is a very smug little car sitting outside and showing off his four new tyres, at last!

Excuse the lack of update, I have been busy working and aching, making sure I could have a holiday this Easter.

I have done well, working hard without getting sick, and with very little by way of painkillers or any other pain treatments. My body is kind of happy as well as aching, the work is beginning to override the barriers and become the norm.

Today I headed off to do my first garden, grateful for the lack of school traffic, it allows me to be more lazy as getting to work is quicker.
My old lady on the clifftop was at the hospital so I got on with my work and she made me tea when she got home.
Then I went to get petrol, got Max hoovered and sorted at the petrol station, headed towards town and stopped to eat my lunch in a layby. Unfortunately I got crumbs on my newly hoovered car, damn.

I was hoping it would all work out so Max would be done at lunchtime and then I could go to the next job in my home town, as the tyre centre is between the morning job and my home town where the afternoon job was, but unfortunately the courier with my tyres had been delayed, they said he was due, he would come today, but they didn't know when.
So we arranged that the tyre place would phone me and in the meantime I would go and get on with my afternoon work, not ideal as it meant a trip back, and the tourist traffic was causing massive volumes of traffic - we get awful tourist traffic and each winter we forget it until Easter when it all starts again.

I was heading out away from the tourist traffic, so going out was OK, and I did a few hours work in my home town, reduced the hours due to needing to get back to the tyre place afterwards. And that was the end of work for Easter, but I couldn't celebrate and go home as I had to go back to thew tyre place as the Easter bank holiday rush hour approached and the tourists were still like ants, stupid directionless ants.
My tyres came in and I took the back road to get to the tyre place in good time.

You know I have reactive attachment disorder? Well I don't bond with people, I do bond with cars, and I have only ever handed Max and Florence over to the Car's best Friend for repairs or anything, so handing Max over to a mechanic was scary.
But I was relieved to finally get him his tyres, so I sat in the waiting room, peeping nosily out the window as they worked on Max and drinking delicious hot chocolate and reading my paper and my book.

I haven't checked yet but I think they did as I asked and swapped the best of his old tyres for the spare tyre as the spare had a puncture, but soon he was re-tyred and ready to go.

I drove off cautiously, but Max was fine, he didn't feel much different, maybe more solid and grippy and steering and braking well.

The roads were jammed, so I drove back out the back way, but even out there it was beginning to stack up, stupid caravans and things.

Eventually I got home. And it was on with the dinner, work clothes in the wash, and now I have to shower and get on with everything that ever needed doing, you know what I'm like, a holiday is the time to get everything else done.

Yesterday I did the mansion in the morning and the farm in the afternoon. I got to the farm and started the garden, and I got a text saying 'I am upstairs with the cat, having kittens, can you check the ewe and lamb in the barn?'

I did not inquire as to if it was the cat having kittens or the lady, I simply went and checked the sheep. The sheep were fine, and that was the last of the lambs, thank God. The cat had five kittens.

Last night I went shopping and enjoyed the sunset, normally I am hiding in my nest when the sun sets so I just see the glow from the window.

On Tuesday I went to work for my old lady, then off to look at these gardens that the property owners and managers who own the mansion own, there was more work than I thought, especially when mowing the lawns was added to my schedule in a few weeks time as well as another property of theirs that I have worked at before. But on Tuesday I just went to the garden centre, got shrubs and created a beautiful new shrub border, I hope the shrubs survive, this very dry weather is causing chaos for me, trying to keep people's plants alive and trying to dig borders that are too try to dig, and the harsh dry soil makes my hands sore.

Anyway, the last garden of Tuesday was my old mate, his garden was in a state, I re-gravelled and weeded and swept and composted and worked hard.

Anyway, here I am, with a four day holiday after surviving my first month of full time work. And Max has his tyres. It is a pity I had to cancel the blue bike's service due to work committments, I couldn't drop off or collect the bike, and I am taking public transport to see my adoptives on Saturday, I could have done with the blue bike to bike to the terminus.

Lets have some Easter.

Monday, 10 April 2017


Good evening peeps,

Has Ashenden had another meltdown? hasn't he run out of things to resign from yet?


I escaped from uneasy nightmares early this morning and managed to feed and shower myself and dress in fresh work clothes before tumbling out the door and into the car in good time.

Traffic wasn't bad, it was just slow drivers, I seem to be cursed to be stuck behind slow or crazy drivers at the moment, but anyway, I got down to the seafront early and decided I had time to go and grab a coffee before work, so I scooted Max round to the port and got a coffee from my lovely people at the cafe before getting back just as my mate was pulling up in the work van.

We got on with work, it was cloudy but warm, and the seafront was mildly busy, I did the mowing, he did the strimming, then he did the hedge trimming while I dug and weeded a border.

At breaktime my mate came over to my car and he was grinning, he doesn't usually come over to the car at breaktime, but he had good news, the kiosk opposite the site, on the beach, had opened for the season, so there was more coffee. We normally have a whole day without hot drinks when we do that round, but now there was more coffee, so I felt cheerful. Two coffees that morning.

Anyway, we finished that site, and off to the next, where we had a lunch break and did the strimming, mowing and blowing. Then on to the next site which was very simple, and then two more places where we mowed and strimmed.

At the end of the round, my mate was feeling down because he had to go and do one of his own customer's gardens, a bit like I did the other week, but I was cheerful because I had worked hard and was now heading home to clear the bathroom so my landlord could fit a new blind. I was more cheerful because according to my bit of paper on the cupboard, Monday is bathroom cleaning day anyway.

I got home, cleaned the bathroom and moved everything, swept floors while supper cooked, and then let the landlords in to do the blind, and had a good chat with them too.

I did the bins and all sorts of odds and ends while also watching television, I am glad I can do lots of things while benefiting from the television at the same time.
I have done the washing up, and now I just have to make the hot water bottle up and scald my bite guard. I am getting good at keeping it in at night, I scald it when I do the water bottle and then it is soft to put in my mouth and settles better, and if I take my antihistamine then I sleep too soundly to throw the bite guard across the room in my sleep, well so far. I am impressed.

My work bag and gear are ready, everything is ready for the sleepy morning rush to get sorted and get out, although my work doesn't start until 9 tomorrow morning, even so, I can still end up in a rush.

Tomorrow I start with one of my old ladies, for the whole morning, then over to a one-off clearance lasting about an hour at lunchtime, then one of my old customers whose garden I am clearing for the afternoon.

The weather remains roaring, and the sun was out by lunchtime today. It is hot holiday weather, tourists making the roads mental.

I forgot to say, I hope to see my adoptives on the weekend, they had a sad time today, they are pet sitting for family and the cat got hit by a car and killed so they had to bury it, that made me gulp, what an awful thing to happen.

Sunday, 9 April 2017


Good evening peeps,

Well the weekend is almost over, the week's work starts tomorrow, and the question is, will JJ get any of the bank holidays off work, who knows? Wait for the next exciting episode.

Anyway, this morning I woke at 4am and stayed half awake and half in unhappy nightmares until 8am, I was too tired to get up and stop the nightmares.

Anyway, once I was up I got on with things, I took the bed linens off and put them in the wash, sorted the bins out etc, did breakfast, watched the end of The Railway Children and some of the Hollyoaks Omnibus.

Then I got showered and dressed and got my washing off the line, I left it out overnight because I share the line and my landlady has washing from holiday lets at the weekend, so I try to make sure she has the line in peace during the day. Anyway, once the washing was in it was time to hurtle to church. There were a few drivers out who should not have been driving, no mistake, but I got there safely.

Church was good, the social time and the service were just nice, and the talk was helpful. I was drifting a bit, nodding dozily along to my friends as they chatted and not yawning too much, but it got comical because after church as I was dozily being chatted to by my mates and drifting in my thoughts to what was next on the agenda - supermarket for squash and sandwich fillings and maybe the car wash for Max, someone said to me 'Are you coming with us to dinner?'

Haha, dinner was far from my mind and I kind of stood there all dopey.

'Dinner? Where? When? Today?'

I had meat and rice at home to cook. But thankfully that will be fine for tomorrow's supper.

My friends laughed a little bit when I said I was a bit dozy today, and they were inviting me to a pub lunch, now it was also a pub and an area that I didn't know well and Max had about 5 minutes left on his parking space, so I scrambled to work out what to do, I asked the others if I could follow them to the pub as I didn't remember it, but when they talked me through the directions I realized I knew where they meant, and so they set off from the church car park and I went to get Max and make my way over there. It was a lovely drive in the sunshine and this pub is in the most beautiful countryside.

We had the most lovely roast meal and a good chat, I was being good and didn't order pudding - until I saw everyone else's puddings and was just so tempted that I gave in and had sticky toffee cake with ice cream. It was lovely.

After that I parted company with the others, who went in various directions, and I decided that since I was out, I may as well stay out for a few hours. Never mind the bed linens which were still in the wash when I left for church, thinking I would be home within a few hours.

I drove off through the glorious sunshine and beautiful scenery and ended up on the cliffs, my favourite place, as it wasn't far from there, and although the car parks for the bay were jam packed, unsurprisingly in this weather and with the holidays starting, further along my favourite cafe had loads of space and I went in and ordered a pot of tea and a large slice of beautiful scenery, I walked to the cliff edge with my cuppa and enjoyed the views.

I came home via various things and places, and 'Liar Liar' was on TV so I watched that as I started the housework, paperwork sorting and preparation for the working week. The bed linen went out and dried quickly and is already back on the bed. Fresh line dried linen is lovely but it can make it harder for me to get to sleep, dunno why.

Well here comes Easter week, the tourists are already converging and making things crowded and hazardous, and it only gets worse from this week onwards. Who knows, it may rain all summer after this glorious weather...and I am a gardener so I should shut up now.

Anyway, the week starts with working with my mate at the holiday estates, which is fine, then I am looking at how to balance the work so I can have at least one bank holiday off, preferably two as we are hoping to do a lovely walk on Easter Monday. I also need to get Max's new tyres done and the blue bike is going in for servicing on Weds/Thurs.

Night peeps, don't let the Bishops bite.

Saturday, 8 April 2017


Hey peeps,

Cheese and wine party! It's the National!

I just got in from work, still in work clothes, and I brought back bargains from the supermarket, reduced Cathedral City cheese, crusty bread, Schloer, and cookie chip ice cream.

My bet is on Wounded Warrior because I am daft enough to bet by name.

Well it has been a busy time.

I woke yesterday morning with the migraine a fading memory, and headed to work.

Thankfully lambing has nearly finished so I was able to fight with the garden, and I was lucky to be mainly in the shade and working steadily.

It was a hard day's work nonetheless, and I was glad to finish and get my fish and chips on the way home. This is a new tradition, which puzzles my autistic brain which is so used to cooking and washing up in the evening.

Wow, One for Arthur just won the National by a good lead, Wounded Warrior was way back. I think that slight collision on the fence set the other horse back.

Anyway, last night I was so tired it was hard to do anything, I watched Hollyoaks and settled to bed with a book. I slept from 9pm to 7.45 this morning.

You know this myth that the weekends are for relaxing in when you work full time? Well I am new to full time work and I am finding out how weekends, lunchtimes and evenings are for getting everything done that needs to be done when you aren't at work. Haha.

Anyway, when I finally got myself dressed, I picked up my backpack, and got a shock. Ants!
When I sat in the garden with my lunch yesterday, the ants must have moved a whole squadron into my backpack! Ooh! I had to dispose of them and put the backpack outside the door.

Anyway, then it was time to get going, the bank is only open for a few hours on Saturday so I had to head into town, the traffic wasn't bad on the route I took. All sorted and I headed off to pick up post and parcels and then got Max hoovered. The car wash and all car washes, were closed for some reason so no lazy car cleaning this weekend.

Anyway, then it was time for the shopping.
And then it was time to go home for lunch.

I did meat and rice for lunch, and switched between Mel and Joey and My Parents are Aliens on TV. I put the washing on as well.

Then I reluctantly pulled on my work clothes, drove down past the hoards of happy stollers and sunbathers on the seafront, and to work!

I only had the care home to do, and it was alright, again I got a shady border to work on, I also had residents and ducks keeping me company a lot more than usual, so time went fast.

On the way home I decided on ice cream to watch the national with, and some bread and cheese for supper, and the schloer was on offer as well as the ice cream and bread and cheese, so that was good.

So for the rest of the weekend I have cleaning, sorting paperwork, church, anything else I can think of to be busy. And the weather is going to stay roaring. We have an awesome mix of hot sunshine and fog, as I drove around today, one minute I was in thick fog and the next in blazing sunshine, the fog on the sea is keeping visibility down.

The National is over, and Princess Diaries 2 is on.

Thursday, 6 April 2017


Good evening peeps,

Well to my surprise I was up at 6.30 this morning and not sleepy.

The problem is, I am not used to being up early so I had nothing scheduled so I got distressed. I also still had the low grade migraine, which may be why I woke.

Anyway, eventually I was all ready for work, although I had drunk too much tea and didn't have time to stop at any loos on the way to work, so I had to ask my customer if I could use their loo, which I avoid doing at all costs normally.
Anyway, I seemed to be in slow motion at work for a while, I apologized to my old lady that I was slow at getting going, she just laughed and said I needed a new battery, because I am normally quite efficient and smart-paced when I work for her, she did make me an extra cuppa though, and that seemed to help, and I picked up speed and got my work done.

I had only booked two gardens in again because of the migraine, which means I booked another garden onto next week and will do the care home on Saturday, darn. But anyway, two gardens meant a good lengthy lunchbreak to recover and sort things out. I drove into town via petrol and I ate my lunch on the way, stopped at the tyre place to confirm things with them, and then went to the bank, then I did some shopping for groceries and household things, I went to the chemist to get codeine, the chemist gives me hives because I am allergic to so much stuff in there, perfumes, toiletries etc, but at least I got codeine. Which I am on. Then I was chasing unsuccessfully after a pump for Max, damn. Next week.

Then it was off to the next garden, no-one was home and it was quiet with the chickens shut in, but I knew what I was doing so I got on with it and they came home and were quite happy with it all. The weather was warm and the migraine ached.

Then I headed home. I have been home, on codeine and praying that the migraine lets up during the night as I can't drive or work when I am on codeine and I don't want to let the farm down tomorrow.

I am tired and aimless, I watched Hollyoaks and it is crappy at the moment, now I am listening to Smooth Radio like I used to, and just waiting for bed time. I found my bite guard and scalded it, the dentist wants me to wear it if I can now since he put so much effort into the work he has done. The problem is that I tend to chew fiercely on the guard, which defeats the object, and then I end up somehow hurling it across the room in my sleep, which is quite a feat as it is a snug fit.

Below is the ewe with the two lambs that I delivered the other week, lamb 2, which the ewe is licking was only a few minutes old when I took this. I have taken more pictures since and I may upload some at some point, you know what I am like with these things.

Wednesday, 5 April 2017


Good evening peeps,

Migraine day.

Another troubled night. And my head didn't stay supported, so that and probably the dentist, meant I woke up in pain this morning. Not good.

I went to work anyway, it was an effort to get myself out the door and to work.
But the good news was I had a good task to start the day with, emptying and distributing two bags of woodchips on a garden, and no-one was home so I worked steadily and at an even pace.
The weather was warm and although the migraine was annoying, it wasn't the worst.

The people came home, they are property owners and managers and their home is a nice little mansion but the garden is on all different levels, which makes pushing barrows of woodchips interesting. Anyway, sometime they ask me to garden for properties they own or manage and today they did, so I have an extra garden for next week.
I did a good morning shift, mainly the woodchips, and grabbed some lunch and picked up some parcels on the way to my next job.

The migraine remained, so I cancelled my meal out with friends that I was due on this evening, and I cut my work hours down on the next job but got a lot done.

When I got home I put the washing on, I was running low on clean things, so the washing is drying.
I watched Hollyoaks and then put the TV on Smooth Radio, and I am sitting at the table at last instead of on the sofa in front of the TV, and I am listening to Smooth Radio with one ear and a Louise L. Hay CD with the other, nice combination,
I am glad I didn't listen to Juliet when she told me self-help was a waste of time, some self-help programmes are a waste of time and considering how badly I have been shattered I could give up and not even try to help myself but hell, while I am alive my instinct is to help myself and others, branded as I am by the Church of England.

I am very tired, I will go to bed soon. The migraine is not severe but it is persistent and I have been yawning and had an upset stomach as well, just not on top form at the moment.

Tuesday, 4 April 2017


Hey peeps,

I have a new stalkerstat at the moment. Hope you find the blog interesting.

Well it has been a different day.

This morning I woke from the nightmares and booted myself unwillingly to the car.
But the rain, although it was light, was persistent and my customer cancelled. Fortunately before I set off. It had rained a lot in the night and they are on clay soil.

Anyway, so I hadn't booked anything in for the afternoon due to the dentist appointment, so I had a day off. I wish I felt better and could enjoy it.

I ended up doing a lot of sorting out at the flat, the thing is, I think it is the biggest flat I have had, there is lots to do, and I moved in and went straight into full time work with little time to relax and sort things out, so today I got a lot done.

I feel crappy, I sleep at night but with depression and nightmares in my sleep and reluctance to wake up in the morning. And flashbacks during the day.

This afternoon I went to the dentist, and he finished painlessly finishing the operation site, very good, it feels a bit strange but it should settle.
After the dentist I went to the supermarket, I had a shopping list for the first time in my life, how domesticated.
I still forgot the bread.

I got home and I just felt tired, so I lay down on the bed and went to sleep.
I slept for a few hours, troubled distressed sleep. In my dreams I was trying to get to the Samaritans but I was lost on a vast heathland and someone was playing a prank by somehow airlifting a statue.

I woke up and had missed some of Hollyoaks so I went on catchup, and then I decided I would head for the Samaritans, unfortunately they were busy, with no-one free to speak to me, and so I went in the supermarket and got bread and bin bags.

Here I am, tired and unhappy.

Tomorrow I have only booked two gardens in, and in the evening I am supposed to be out with my peeps for a meal. Slight blah but also something nice to look forward to.

Monday, 3 April 2017


Good evening peeps,

I was sleepy and struggling this morning but I managed to get a washed, dressed and fed version of myself into the car and to work.
I was lucky, I got a parking space straight away where I prefer to park, but because things have changed, the vans aren't parking there any more, which confused my system a bit.

Anyway, I did the litterpick, and my workmate and the boss arrived. So we got on with the mowing and strimming, it was very helpful to have the boss and the ride-on mower to help us.

The weather got warm and the work was hard, I had forgotten my bottle of fruit squash, which is a cardigan sin, I have to have lots of fluid with hard work and hot weather.

At lunchtime I got a big bottle of fruit water from the shop, I am supposed to know better because I can react to that stuff, but I needed a lot to drink and I have fruit squash because the flavour encourages me to drink it.
Anyway, it all got a bit bad for me in the end.

I normally only have small loaves of bread but there was none at the shop when I went shopping, so I ended up with a full size loaf, and made the same amount of sandwiches as usual, which was too much for me, I have a hernia - courtesy of Jersey hospital - and I find bending to do the weeding hard, and too much sandwich doesn't help, But the fruit water gave me indigestion too, and I did drink 1.5 litres of it. And then I set my back off and spent 20 minutes in pain and hobbling before it settled down again.

Nonetheless, we got the mowing and a lot of weeding done. And we finished the day with a bit of banter, we normally banter and joke a bit but we had been working hard.

I got home so tired and realized I had no food for supper, so I watched Hollyoaks and headed for the supermarket, the sunset was red ribbons in the cloud, belying the bad weather forecast. The sea was grey and calm in slight fog, and the supermarket had food in it. I had a slightly late supper and have been watching Doc Martin, and now it is nearly bed time, I am tired.

Tomorrow the weather may disrupt my work, and I have the dentist as well, bah! But hey, a few hours off may help me physically, although not financially, and I don't have much space in the week to move work over.

Sunday, 2 April 2017


Good evening peeps,

I am cleaning the flat and watching television. Advert breaks are for cleaning your house in, always have been.

Last night I had nightmares but they weren't about the Bishop and Winchester, they were closer to home and pretty bad.

I woke feeling tired, sleepy, flashbacks and totally unable to sort myself out.
So eventually when I wasn't ready for church, I decided not to go to church.

I didn't even take much notice of the Hollyoaks omnibus. Eventually I got some food cooking and did Max's oil and water, after I had finally sorted out my shower and got dressed, yeah I didn't show the neighbours my nice pyjamas.

I ate and I didn't get much else done, and then in the afternoon I went out, I got some free parking in town, got a few things from the shops, and then walked down to join the gang on our traditional march.

Fifteen of us set off from the harbour to walk along the front, two dropped out halfway and enjoyed a cafe all on their own, the remaining lucky thirteen completed the walk.

I still find social things hard, I still have allergies to worry about in public places, as well as agrophobia, but it was a beautiful afternoon and the sea was calm but with strong surf on the shore.

We walked and despite my legs and pains and aches, I ended up striding out in front, so I got to the cafe at the end of the walk first and avoided the jam of people waiting and got my glass of coke first, we sat out on the seafront with our drinks, as usual everyone had alcohol but me, but I didn't mind, when it is just a drink at a cafe it isn't too bad, I had two cokes with ice and lemon.

Eventually we set off home, I got pictures of us and the beautiful scenery as we walked.

I came home a bit tired and wonder if I should have gone out at all when I am so tired and have not had enough rest. I had to choose between 'Night at the Museum' and 'Princess Diaries 2' to watch and I chose Princess Diaries 2, and have been slowly doing the housework as I watch TV, I have got as far as the dining room, the bathroom is clean, the back hall is clean, the kitchen, living room and bedroom still need work but it won't all get done tonight. But tomorrow's lunch is prepared, and supper is actually cooking at last.

I wish I wasn't so tired, I wish I could wake up early and sort things out before work. Tomorrow I am on the estate, and to be honest I am kind of looking forward to it, as long as I am on a mower I am quite happy really, it will be warm and hopefully we will have a nice day, the boss is hoping to be up to working with us. That will make the mowing easier.

I forgot to say, Cambridge Women and Oxford Men won the boat race. One day we will win both! I assure you!

Saturday, 1 April 2017


Hey peeps,

I have been so tired, I struggled to get up this morning, and my adoptive mum made things worse by messing up the time I was due to pick her up. So the day started very cranky, made worse by traffic jams, I do not normally venture into traffic jams on a Saturday morning and I could have done with staying in bed.

Nonetheless, a few coffees and a bacon sandwich later, I began to revive, and we came back here for some tea and chat and I got my belated Birthday presents. Then we went off for lunch. We were lucky to get undisturbed seats outside a beach cafe, and we had jacket potatoes while the sea sent big foamy waves right up the shore and we talked a lot.

Eventually Mum had to head home, she wanted to go to vigil mass as they are away with family tomorrow, and I headed to pick up some parcels, some of my gift voucher things, a book and my new slipper socks.

As you may have read yesterday, I was having flashbacks, those have continued but milder, and last night I had nightmares, most of the nightmares are about Bishop Dakin and Winchester.

Anyway, after picking up my parcels, I took Max to the petrol station, I have not been able to sort him out as I have been so busy, so I did his tyres, hoovered him, and put him through the car wash, I don't intend to do the car wash often but with so little time and so tired, we deserved it. So Max is washed, hoovered and pressured, he just needs oil and water in the morning and then I hope to sort the rest of his maintenance out in the next few weeks, tyres first.

I got to watch the whole of Evan Almighty this afternoon and then Titanic has been on.

Now I will go to bed and I can stay in bed until about 9am tomorrow if I like. I think I need to. If necessary I will miss church if I am too tired, although I don't want to, but in the afternoon I am out for a walk with the gang and I will enjoy that.

Then next week we start off on the estate and it remains heavy and constant work.