This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Tuesday, 30 August 2016


Good evening peeps,

I am very tired and I have a hard day's work on the gardening team in the morning.

I am just working on editing a manuscript for publication. I am actually editing 'Breaking Silence' rather than 'Destruction's Flame' but the Church of England are sulking in their cassocks anyway.
Breaking silence is going to be released in more than one version, in the next week or so.
I am on page 100 of 274 pages. Which was my target for today, but I am awfully tired now.

This morning I fell out of bed at some unearthly hour and went to work.
I worked well and the sun shone.
Then my afternoon's customer cancelled, so I came home and continued writing.

At some point I had to go out to the bank and to run some errands, then I came home, showered, and waited for my music tutor.

I had a good music lesson. My music lessons are 45 minutes long and we do a variety of music and songs and exercises, all broken up and a quick break in the middle to chat.
I only have lessons three weeks out of four, so I am now on a break from lessons until two weeks time. But I practice every day.

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel is on Film4 but I think I will fall into bed and sleep anyway.

Monday, 29 August 2016


Good evening peeps,

Well I am a little worried about the extra stats at the moment along with the sharp premonitions of Jersey that usually precede an attack.

Today has been a quiet day. I dozed until 8am and have spent the day quietly working on music and writing. I am currently editing a manuscript but my eyes are beginning to close.

This aftenoon I went up to the cafe on the cliffs and had a pot of tea and a book, which was nice and it wasn't too crowded.

Tomorrow my first shift starts at 8am, so I had better go to bed soon.
The weather cooled down a little but is going to be hot again.

Not much else to declare. I watched Night at the Museum 2 and Hollyoaks and various other odds and ends.

Sunday, 28 August 2016


Good morning peeps,

Well this morning I fell out of bed at 6am, way too early for a Sunday, even nortypeople like a lie-in sometimes.
But anyway, I was awake and I had a plan.

My usual service wash laundry is closed until Tuesday and all my work clothes needed washing, and the bed linen was due  for a wash too. Thankfully we have a self-service laundry five minutes away but I didn't know the costs or how well it would work. But I thought that at 7am on a Sunday I would be in with a chance of getting a washer and a drier.
I brought Max round to outside the house in the meantime and gave him a wash.
Then at 7am I took two loads of washing round to the laundry.

Surprisingly there were a few other people in laundry mode early on a Sunday morning but I was able to get a big machine and put both loads of washing in, I am not one of these people who fusses about mixing laundry load, and my clothes and bedding are all soft cotton. So I left my washing on and came home to work on my music and other things.

I went back to the laundry with my music before my washing had finished, and I got it straight into a drier when it was done. I felt very smug and capable about all this, so I wandered along the high street, tooting cheerfully through my rolled up music textbook, the town never sleeps, and the people at the bus stop didn't turn a hair.
'That girl helps the old dears with the church gardens, she's as mad as a hatter...'.


With two loads of clean washing and having appropriately offended the bigots in the Church of England, I have been at home, working on music, writing and not a lot else today. My washing was done long before the Hollyoaks omnibus was on.

I did chicken and wedges for lunch, but I was so tired that I was nearly falling asleep by the time it was done. So after lunch I lay down and slept for hours.

I managed to watch the remainder of 'The Tooth Fairy' when I woke up, and I have salad and cheese and biscuits for supper now.

I told you that I could squash my work up and have tomorrow's bank holiday off, but I forgot it is Show Week. I just got an email reminding me that I am on duty at the horticultural show from Friday through Saturday. No rest for the wicket keeper. Haha, it will be a funny week. Work, all squashed up, with added throwing show stuff around on Friday and stewarding till my back aches on Saturday.

Saturday, 27 August 2016


Good evening peeps,

The weather remains uncomfortably hot, but at least I am sleeping reasonably well, albeit with nightmares, and waking early but not too early.

Today was a start like yesterday, depression and trauma, but today I managed to pull myself together and go to work.
I did my care home contract.

Then I have been here, writing, doing music and cleaning the flat.

I enjoyed watching the 'Princess Diaries 2' This evening and 'Airplane' Yesterday evening, so it is a good films weekend.

I am just kind of doing the cleaning, paperwork and general weekend sort-out at the moment.

It looks like I have bank holiday off if I want, as the gardening team aren't working that day and I don't have to book anyone else in. I can shovel all my work and a day with the gardening team into the remainder of the week, especially as Saturday is always a spare work day if needs be.

So, two days of writing and music to look forward to, I just have to watch that the depression doesn't spiral from being alone and not working.

The weather remains hot and will remain hot, and we missed the rain and thunder that other areas got.

Friday, 26 August 2016

Dydd Gwener

Ffyc hwyaden.

It's too hot and life is a misery of flashbacks and depression.
My work is all done except the care home, I just felt too depressed.
This weather is a misery because I just don't want to go to the beach or anything.

This weather is about ice cubes and sleeping in underwears and misery. And the grockles haven't gone home yet either.

Every day it rains hard for one minute and then the heat returns.

Wednesday, 24 August 2016


Good evening peeps,

Well it was 30 degrees and things today and I did a heavy 8-hour garden clearance, working alone and working hard.
I had flashbacks and distresses about the Church of England throughout the day but I kept working.

I came home suitably tired, and watched the storms out to sea, it took a while for the edge of a storm to hit the land but the air pressure affected the television signal, so I watched Hollyoaks online instead.

Tomorrow is an easier day and depends on the weather as well, some rain is due.

I am relaxing because I can't do much else, I cooled down in the shower with a block of ice cubes, rubbing ice cubes into your muscles when you have worked hard in the sun is very beneficial, but my shoulder muscles are still tense.

The cloud and increased wind came towards the end of my working day, it was a nice relief, and now as I sit here, the breeze occasionally comes through the window, phew.
It is only 8pm and it is getting dark.
I should do my music practice. Hehe, what if I don't? :)

Tuesday, 23 August 2016


Good evening peeps,

Things feel horrible.
Well the hot weather is getting to me, but also I just wasn't well today.
I only had one job to do today, my big care home contract, but I have delayed that for later in the week because I woke up poorly.
I have had such an upset stomach to start the day, I took some tablets to stop it, but I have been washed out and bloaty and useless, and with the rolling flashbacks still affecting me.

I got through the day, I went to collect some music books and send something to someone by post, but then I have been here most of the day, so I got on with music, writing and editing, and I was well enough for a piano lesson this evening. I am pleased with my progress, I didn't realise that my aural perception is about 95% or whatever, it means I can hear rhythms and major and minor scales and keys and shout them out or copy them, hoho, what fun.
And the flat is clean and tidy, which also helps.

Unfortunately after a roasting hot day today, tomorrow is going to be even hotter and I have a big garden clearance to do in the full sun. Argh. I hope I feel better.

The thunderstorms will be coming in after tomorrow, so that will disrupt the remainder of my working week. And apart from that, I just have music and writing overload, with university prep, short stories, editing books, preparing for music exams, music practice etc.

I did all my university bridging stuff. I don't know if other universities do it, but my university is conscientious and they send bridging materials to prepare you for the next year.
I have also got an email saying I am back on student rep team, whatsoever that may mean. It means I have to opine on how things should be done, judging by last year. I just bollock them.

My mates are having pizza night on Thurs, but I really don't think I want to go this time. Everyone wants me to go out, my mate wants me to go out for coffee or round for scrabble, but the hot weather is leaving me too tired and the church are leaving me too frazzled.

Monday, 22 August 2016

Announcing the Books

Yes, well, I will announce the books for the first time, and then I will go and collect my washing from the laundry.
I have been working this morning but I am exhausted and I am sitting here trying to edit several other books, and I am actually wearing a jumper! The third book has had some blips with publishing but I hope that it will be available without too much delay. There are a few errors here and there, but I want to be heard before the CofE kill me. Sorry I can't lower the prices more, the royalties are quite low and any money made will make my life a bit less harsh.

Coming Home was the first to publish. This was written freehand in a month, and it describes the rebuild of my life from when I left the streets, against the backdrop of the petty and vicious Church of England un/civil war and their launches in the press:

The Silent World is my second book. This describes my childhood:

Goodnight Anna is my best book. Life on the streets in glorious reality colour. Goodnight Anna has had some technical issues but I hope that it is on sale now or soon without further issues.

Saturday, 20 August 2016


Good morning peeps,

I don't like the increased stats on my blog. Especially not Guernsey.

Anyway. The wind picked up last night, and it makes such a horrible human-sounding howling round the house.
I had night terrors about the Church of England again, but I woke this morning and scrambled up as I had to go into town to the bank.
I headed out through the windy morning and did a little shop in town for toiletries and books. Then I went to the bank.
On the way back we had to drive through rain storms. Then I stopped to pick up the revised copy of my first book. So two books are now ready, although I spotted a slight error straight away! But next week when the third book revision comes through, I will do the first launch. You will be able to buy three of my books next week if you so wish, and then in six weeks or so the books will launch again, to the wider market and be listed on Amazon and Barnes and Noble etc and I will be able to market them better.

Anyway, I am home and the weather is windy and stormy, the sea is wild. I hope Max will be OK on the cliff top, but I now have the rest of the weekend to laze around, reading my new books, writing, doing music. Lazy.

My Mum came over yesterday and I gave her the proof copies of my books, it was worth it to see her face! I signed all three books for them with added rude and cheeky comments, and now the adoptives have plenty of holiday reading! They are going away for the week today and I hope they have a safe journey in this weather!

Mum and I had a good natter, and she got to see my university study work while she was here, we had a drive and had lunch in a new cafe that we have added to our list, and we did a bit of shopping and browsing before she went home. So that was a good day.

Friday, 19 August 2016

Guernsey, get off my blog and get stuffed you objectionable asswipes. You aren't Christians in any sense of the word.


Good morning peeps,

My weekend has already started.
I have the royal visit today, I have to go and collect my mum in a while.

Yesterday I worked hard to get a load of gardens done, I also assessed a new garden clearance which I will do next week.
I managed two days on the gardening team in the hot sun this week, and I have caught up with my own gardens apart from one where renovation work on the house is disrupting the garden.
And now the rain and wind are coming in, so I will rest, well not rest rest, I have plenty to do.

Last night a local music tutor came round and gave me a lesson on my keyboard, so that was good. My other tutor is too far away since I moved house. It's quite handy to learn on my keyboard for now, but not forever.
After the lesson, I got on with writing and studying. I got bridging materials from the university, which is kind of study prep like I do anyway, but very useful. So I have watched videos about my modules for this academic year, and I have a few documents to read through. All good.

I was having nightmares about the Church of England once I fell into bed and slept. But the nightmares were not too horrendous compared to some.
The flat is all tidy and in order. So I will have a shower now, then I will head out and have a study breakfast at one of my favourite cafes and then I will collect my mum.

Thursday, 18 August 2016


Good morning peeps,

Not  much to say really, just work and hot sun. I don't like hot sun but I know that when the temperature starts to drop, autumn is approaching and the gardening season will start going down.

My adoptive mum texted yesterday, asking if she could come over today, to which the reply was 'Mum! Don't spring things on me!' I can't cancel today's work or postpone things, I have too much to do, and the weather is turning rainy and windy, so I need to get today's work done.
Mum is coming over tomorrow, when rain is due anyway.

Anyone who wants to know about my books, two out of three of them are ready, I will wait until the revision of the third one arrives next week before launching them.

Sunday, 14 August 2016


Good morning peeps.

Just waiting for Hollyoaks.
I am trying to proofread my first book and also trying to edit my fourth book, neither of these are easy tasks. The fourth book is tough and I am struggling to concentrate on proof-reading as well, but at least no headache.

Well the hot weather continues, and I have plodded on with my work even with a migraine, thankfully the migraine is gone now.
I didn't help out with the moonlight parade due to the migraine, but I was allowed to go and do a video shoot of it.

I am just coffee-ing, but I must grab a shower before Hollyoaks and then I am just writing and editing today, I will clean the flat and go for a walk as well.
I must do my pen-pal letters as well.

Oh, I got my first pack of university materials for the autumn term, how exciting! I had already got my supplementary books, which aren't much, but now I can really get my headstart on studying.

Friday, 12 August 2016


Good morning peeps,

The Battle's done
and we kind of won
so we raise our victory cheer
where do we go from here?

It was great to marshal for Battle again. Even if it did give me a migraine.


'We will give you an easy post' They said.
That was not an easy post.
I was getting beaten up by frustrated tourists who wanted to get through. Some things never change. There was one monster tourist, he was a right nightmare so I set the men on him :) Some men will bully a girl even if she does stand up to them. He weren't so brave when the men stood up to him.

But I did get some good pictures and video footage as well. And I was stationed by my fave church, so I did get coffee, haha.
And my mate, who was in the parade, came racing over to me yelling 'Pizza night! Two weeks time!'
I do like pizza night, even more than deliberately avoiding social activities.

Anyway, it aint over yet, these is the damn moonlight parade to support yet.

The migraine is eased a little bit with painkillers, and I must go to work today. Next week the gardening team want me to do two days with them as well as my own gardening round, and I also have a work trial with this new contract that I was offered on Wednesday. So next week is hellish busy, I may need a little weekend away after that, I wonder what my adoptives are doing next weekend? :)

You know what it is like when you get the proof copy of your first book and you are all 'wow!' and then you have to run through and pick up the possible faults?
Trying to do that when you have a migraine is impossible! Haha. I feel sick.

The sun is shining, and I guess I had better go and beat some gardens into submission.

Wednesday, 10 August 2016


Good Wednesday peeps,

Not much to say at the moment. Bad flashbacks, disturbed nights and depression recently, oh, and I published two books, ho-hum.
Don't worry, there are a few things to do before I offer you the books. Watch this blog! Haha, stalkerstat has been watching this blog.

The weather is way too hot.
I have busy things to do today. The Jersey Safeguarding Partnership trauma meant that I couldn't negotiate the two contracts that I was offered, well one of them actually decided that they wanted more work hours than I could do, and I felt out of my depth with the other one because they wanted me to supervise a trainee lad, and I am not a people person nor do I feel able to supervise a lad.  But today I have an interview for a very promising contract. Then I have to meet with the head of the horticultural society, and then I have briefing for carnival martialling.

I actually got my hair cut yesterday. It had been growing lush and rampant and was cascading all over the place a bit like Sam Mezec's hair. So I had it thinned and trimmed. Haircuts are a necessary weevil.

Jersey has been grounded by fog, and the Liberation broke down again. Haha.

Monday, 8 August 2016

Monday Morning

Good morning peeps,

Well I have been up since 3.30am, I just can't sleep well.
But at least it means I can get on with music and writing. Well, music and editing this second book.

I have really been battling depression and flashbacks recently.

I was hoping to see the sunrise this morning, but just my luck, there was a bank of cloud so I didn't see the true sunrise, there are nice sunlit clouds though. The sea is big and it has fishing boats wandering around, followed by noisy seagulls.

Yesterday was a very difficult day, my mood is very low with flashbacks and fears of harm by the Church of England and their rogue safeguarding board in Jersey.

I didn't do much apart from writing and music yesterday. I did do some housework and I did go up to the cliffs and sit there with a book for a while and it was.

Today I have to work as normally as possible despite being too tired. Some people can go to bed late or get up very early without being affected, but I can't. It is going to be hot today, which makes it worse for me.

Sunday, 7 August 2016

Sunday morning

Good morning,

Well I thought I would blog now because of my dreams during the night.
Hollyoaks is on half an hour early so I am just waiting for it to start.

I managed to sleep without mads last night, I was so tired. But I still dreamed vividly, although the dreams were less distressing.
I dreamed about an endless horticultural show, it was show day and I was there and taking part and the day went on and on. It was lovely, just like the good old days before the diocese destroyed me for being abused.

Then the stranger dreams came. I dreamed that my brother was working in Saudi Arabia. He told me that he worked in water, I asked if that meant he was sitting in a swimming pool answering the phone but he told me that he took plant cultures from water. Which may sound strange to people who don't know what that means, but actually it is a perfectly legitimate job, but unlikely in Saudi Arabia.

Then I dreamed I was with my brother and sister, watching the carnival parades from the window instead of marshalling as I am due to.

It is a dull morning but due to clear into sunshine later.

I am feeling a bit better, I have had a lot of bad flashbacks due to the horrible sleep aid and also Paul Butler lying to the press when he should have been removed by now.

Today should just be Hollyoaks, writing, music and maybe a car boot sale.

Saturday, 6 August 2016


Good evening peeps,

Well things are tough because of flashbacks and terrors.
Since Jersey Safeguarding Partnership attacked my life again, I have not been sleeping, and it got to a point where I have had something from the chemist to help me sleep, and as usual, the side effects have been severe.

Last time I was on sleep aid, I was on the streets, and I became too distressed and vulnerable to sleep rough for a few days, and before that in Jersey it was equally bad. So I am having to stop taking the sleep aid and hope my sleep returns.
Last night was horrifying with flashbacks, nightmares and terrors.

Then this morning my landlord came round, because I have been having problems with the toilet and shower being blocked, so I had a wet bathroom floor yesterday, but we managed to unblock the blocked plumbing, and all is well, all is well in the plumbing anyway.

I feel very depressed and distressed, part of that was caused by Bishop Butler making empty noises about safeguarding in the press, he is supposed to have stopped that by now.

I have got some music done and I am getting the next manuscript towards book form, but I still feel rubbish. I went out earlier but I didn't feel better, it is one of those days where nothing can make things feel better, nothing at all, and I don't like people when I feel this bad.

It has been hot today, but I saw no point in that either.
The only things I have been able to do today is music and writing and editing the next book.

Friday, 5 August 2016


Good evening,

Well the weather has been hot and the Church of England have been being a pain in the behind, well what else do they ever do?

Yesterday after work I headed up to my favourite bit of coast, and stopped for locally made toffee ice cream on the way, it was every so nice.

Today, hot again and work, I got myself a new hedgecutter today.
As well as work, I have been studying and writing, preparing for university and music exams in the autumn. My new book is being processed and will be available to buy soon, I will be promoting it, but meanwhile I am working on another full manuscript that I will edit and also hope to publish soon.

I wish I could know that my life is safe from the church and their dreadful associated authorities such as Jersey's unsafeguarding partnership. Living at risk for so long is psychologically and physically damaging. I will die young if it isn't stopped.

It looks as if I won't be doing a photo shoot for the carnival next week...because I will be marshalling!
Blah, I haven't marshalled since Jersey. I thought the whole point of the dirty church of england having me ruined and deported was to stop me from having to work my butt off doing volunteer and community work, maybe they need to have me re-deported so I can have some peace and quiet. I am returning to my life of volunteering and community support, but it is as fragile as everything else if the church and their associated rogue authorities go on harming me.

It is also horticultural show season again, and this next show this weekend, I am taking my mate to as a nice day out, I am not competing this year, but I will steward at the show in September like I used to, and I will compete next year, all dependent on the church and their associated authorities not killing me.

I will just send this to Jersey safeguarding partnership as a repeat plea for an end to their harassment of me.  I just want to live my life, and they want to publicly attack me with a whitewash cover-up, regardless of the damage to me, which goes against what they are supposedly there for.

Wednesday, 3 August 2016


Good evening peeps,

I should be asleep, I feel wrecked.

I have been working and the weather has been wet and windy, I have been fighting this virus, and going through the complications of publishing my first proper book :) big things like this don't make me feel good, they make me feel awful, I don't like big changes. A book is not a small thing.
I have also continued to be worried about harm from Jersey's safeguarding partnership.

I do not like the increased blog stats in conjunction with the danger from the safeguarding partnership.

Someone just brought this up, funny I was looking for some of Jane Fisher's misconduct!

Monday, 1 August 2016



I am a scatty person. I don't know why I thought it was the bank holiday this week. Haha.

I am still not feeling quite normal, I have been very tired and still with a sore throat.

Yesterday I walked alongside the sea for a few miles, a sunny day and a fresh breeze, it was nice, some people were swimming, wading, crabbing or sunbathing, but it wasn't as crowded here as on the Great Ship Bay.

In the evening the manuscript reached 65,000 words and didn't stop. It has stopped at 68,000 and I have started the first editing, proofing and formatting, but not feeling well is slowing me down.

I have been at work today. Weeding and mowing, working hard to get a lot done before the rain.

Then after work and as the rain started, I have been at my mate's house, playing scrabble. We had a much more close-run game today, I was playing better and he won by a 20 point lead, 10 of those points was because I got Q as one of my last letters and there was nowhere to place it.

This evening I have felt too tired to do much, so I have done a few pages of proofing and editing of the manuscript and watched Hollyoaks. Then I went over to my landlord's house, because he found the mailbox key that I had lost, so I went and collected it off him and emptied the mailbox for the flats. Five days worth of post! Haha.
On the way back I stopped at a fish and chip shop that I drive past all the time but have never inspected. I decided that they were due for an appraisal and inspection so I wandered nortily in.
I approve of them, I think I may adopt them.

Back home, it is pouring with rain, so it may be an early night for norty, tucked into the snug duvets and hopeful of feeling better tomorrow.
Tomorrow the forecast is bad so I have booked the day off. I have a book to edit, laundry to do, and I have to try and work out what to do about the conundrum of being offered both contracts that I applied for when both of them are offering one or two days a week regular work but they both want the same days. Hilarious. My mate had a lot to say about this but I have to make the decisions I think.

I was just listening to this song and grinning, I remember Dan singing it in the good old days:

On a final note, this is a message for someone: Chichester, I am getting your smoke signals, yes, but contact me direct, get A to contact me if you like. Never underestimate the power of love and the human soul.