This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Friday, 30 June 2017


Hey peeps,

Just briefly.

Life has been work and rain.

Max is having minor problems, looks like drive shaft or cv joint, prat of a car, cars can usually go their lifetime without cv joint issues.
But he is driveable and we just have to see.

I am tired but most of the weekend housework is done, and I have done a load of music school stuff this evening.

Tired, now, bed time.

Wednesday, 28 June 2017


Good afternoon peeps,

It's that swearword 'Rained off' again.

Although I haven't been rained off all day, this morning I was working on the harbour contract with the boys.
It was funny, I got there just as the boss was throwing a tantrum, and throwing his strimmer, which wouldn't start. I caught him red handed, throwing the strimmer, so I got to tease him all morning. There's only room for one drama queen on our team and that's me!

His strimmer firmly refused to start, so I think it is done for, or 'b*ggered' as the boys say.
He was steaming but he is always careful not to lose his temper round me, I never tell the boys about my past but they aren't stupid.

Anyway, so my team mate wasn't there yet, traffic was bad, the rain was hard, and he had gone to get the mower, and to make things worse, yet another new trainee hadn't turned up, so it was all going wrong this morning.

I had to do drains, kerbs and gutters, which is the trainee's job, not that I give a damn, but in the pouring rain, I trudged round the estate, while the boss tried to start mowing the soaking wet grass.

There was a load of mud slide in one of the drains, so I had a merry old time trying to clear that, my broom was broken so I was using the boss's broom, and the head on that wasn't secure, so when the head came off I had to walk back, and the boss called me a vandal, but he was joking, he knew very well the head wasn't fitted or staying in place properly.
He and my workmate decided to drill through the head to put a new nail in to hold it to the handle. So while they were doing that I nipped down to the harbour for toilet and coffee.

I completed the gutters and edges and got on with hedge trimming, I used my long reach hedgecutter for the high shrubs and hedges, and the boss's powerful but shorter hedgecutter for the lower shrubs.

The boss was having a bad day because of the strimmer, the absent trainee and the weather, and the fact that his van has just cost a bomb to get through the MOT, but towards the end of the morning he cheered up and chatted a bit, I was only working the morning there, while they are there all day. We were all soaking in the rain but I didn't care.

As I finished my work, a nice lady came and told me she appreciated our work, and she made me a nice cup of tea, so that was alright.

I came home, my clothes are light cotton and they dry quickly,. so I had intended to get some charge in the hedgecutter battery and go back to work, but as the rain continued, I decided it made sense to stay at home. My clients won't like me working in the rain, it is different with the commercial contract this morning, it has to be done no matter what the weather.

I guess I had better use this free time wisely, seeing as I will have to work the weekend again. Music School and housework sound good.

The migraine has pretty much gone off despite the heavy work this morning. Good.

Tuesday, 27 June 2017


Getting nagged to post, don't feel like it, must get back into it or my life isn't fully documented.

Today was forecast rain, but I worked all morning in the warm weather down at the marina.
I put in a new border and did some weeding. I had managed to leave my hedgecutter battery at home, which was a pain.

After that I went and finished off that garden that I have been looking after for a month, they are back this week, so phew, one less to worry about, it's the watering that is the bind.

Anyway, I stopped to get some shopping and then headed home to get my hedgecutter battery and to have a break and a hot drink with pills, I have been having a migraine, thankfully relatively mild but enough to be an annoyance.

Anyway, so I got home and medded up, three kinds of pills, cos my migraines aren't normal, they are triggered by that injury.

But unfortunately that was when the rain started, and it was hard rain and due in all day and night, so I lay on the bed and fell asleep, and didn't wake until 6.30 this evening!

I did turkey and rice for supper, and cleaned the kitchen and watched TV for a bit, I hope my sleep won't be disrupted.
I am back down the Marina tomorrow and the boys will be down there doing the mowing, I hope we won't be rained off. We have already lost the new trainee, he turned out not to be as good as expected.

It is raining nicely and I am just drying from the shower.
What have I been doing since you last heard from me?
Well, surviving working in the heatwave, swimming in the sea, and quite a lot of travelling, road and ferry.
Unfortunately Max developed a fault again, he is still running and in for testing this week, he did a good run, but it was this renewed fault that made me decide that I sadly have to sell him.

I was looking at vans, and the boys are quite enthusiastic, they have both said they will help out with the van if I want.

It will be sad to lose Max, but the car's best friend gave me a quote for what Max is still worth, and it's not too bad. Max came into my life when the church had just dealt what they presumed was the death blow, leaving me homeless at the same time as Florence had to go.
I was scared of Max at first, he was only the second car I drove since I came off the streets, and he was so big and boyish, unlike little old lady Florence, and I was in such a state, I didn't want a new car or anything. Max was also the spitting image of Anna, the tragic Jersey car, the same make and model but different colour and gender.

This was when I was moving house with the new car, Max, do you remember, I held together and got the new home as well as the car. A year ago. Well, lets have a new vehicle every year. I was wrong about Max not being a character though.

Have a read:

How to get a response from Lambeth Palace

If you are an abuse victim who has been destroyed by a vain and silly Archbishop (Welby)
It takes four years and the church getting negative publicity for poor safeguarding, and desperately using the press to try to pretend that they have changed, while their victim/s assure them that they haven't, and they don't like the idea of the press and media picking up on it, so they bullshit all over the victim/s.

Monday, 19 June 2017

It is definitely sea swimming weather now, and I have been for a swim, don't worry peeps, I can't break out of this death spiral from the church destroying me, but it was good, for old times sake.
None of you would have survived what I have.


Friday, 16 June 2017

The journey

The sea is choppy,
the wind is strong,

I don't like being away from home,
but what is home?

I am scared,
I don't know if I can do this,

I hear your voice in my memory,
'Do this for me'

And that is all I need.

I don't like waiting to board.
I don't like being away from home.

But what is home?
They took my home away.

The sun shines on the park
It is done.

The sea is so blue, so green
the sky is blue but the clouds are coming

I did that for you
for what it's worth.

Thursday, 15 June 2017


Hey peeps,

I wish I wasn't so tired, I wish the weather wasn't so hot, I wish the nightmares and flashback and horror would stop.

Thursday early morning

Good morning peeps,

I had a bad night with nightmares and flashbacks making me wish I was dead, but the dream before I woke up was pretty tremendous, so I will tell you in a minute.

Yesterday I set off early and did the watering for the family who are away.
Then I went and did the old lady's garden. She has her new mower and my mate has taken her old mower to the lockup.

The new mower, unlike the old one, didn't start well, and the drive and dead man's handle are the opposite way round to our commercial  mowers, so I struggled a bit, then to make it worse, a nosey old neighbour decided to try to stand over me and supervise, you know what I'm like peeps, I have been a gardener for 16 years and I reached proper competency in gardening as well as looking after myself when I left the streets, so the neighbour got an earful.
My old lady laughed and said it served him right, I am very polite usually but I felt intimidated by this man hanging around, and he was interfering not helping, he didn't know anything about mowers.

There, just in case you thought I was all mild and not sparky any more. Of course I didn't turn the air blue, just told him not to interfere and get in the way.

Anyway, after that I went to meet the boys over at the waterside, they were happy to have a break from strimming in the hot sun, and not so happy that I was laughing at them because my day was much easier than theirs, the boss said he would advertise for nasty jobs for me to do, but what nasty jobs? I am a heavy garden clearance specialist, what exactly can they throw at me? Actually don't ask.

Anyway, I met the new trainee, the boss advertised as soon as me and my workmate complained, had a reply immediately and we have a new trainee, and he is very promising.

I told them about how I fell down the bank when I was pulling bindweed and they laughed, but they laughed even more about the neighbour trying to tell me how to use the mower, the boss said 'I'm surprised he's lived that long!'.

I dunno why people think I'm fierce, I am actually very polite to people usually. Even the neighbours at the holiday cottage, who drive everyone mad, but they and I get on well because  I am all polite and helpful.

Anyway, it was nice to have a chat and a laugh and meet the new guy, and even nicer to keep telling them that I was having a lazy day. The boss just kept saying that there was a mower there with my name on if I wanted to stop being lazy.

But I was off to the suppliers.

Off I went, there was some traffic.

I like going to the suppliers, I feel all grown up.
They didn't have the gravel that I wanted, but they had grass seed and shrubs, so that would do, it means I will go to the garden centre today as well.

Then I went to the food wagon there, it is all men at the food wagon, so I feel all grown up going there, with my safety boots and work clothes, and they go 'What can I get you, luv?'
They do good burgers and tea, so that's what I had for lunch.

Then off I went to the next garden. I had managed to stay in the shade for the morning but this garden was more in the sun. I was watering, mowing and then preparing a bed for grass seed and then seeding it and protecting it from the birds.

I had an early finish, but I was too tired to do much, I think it is the heat, it takes my energy despite having been an easy day.
I went to bed early, which I know is a bad thing, but what else could I do? Early nights trigger nightmares and flashbacks.

I had terrible nightmares and flashbacks and I wished I was dead.

But towards the morning as my sleep settled a bit I dreamed a very vivid dream about Jersey, and it was comforting.

It was vivid and clear, I was going back to Jersey. I didn't feel great about it, more confused than anything, But it was so real. In the dream I was arranging acommodation and a ferry and things.
I got to Jersey and it was all very vivid, clear and real, and Voiceforchildren did a blog about me returning, not a great idea, instigating hate attacks like they did when they persistently reproduced the Korris rubbish, furthering the harm that it did.
The dream went on and I was at St. Andrews Park, I was confused about being away from home, even though Jersey was my home and I was ripped away from it and from my whole life. I have re-settled where I am although my soul will cry for the channel islands for eternity. Anyway, in the dream there was this confusion about where my life here had gone and why I was in Jersey.

In the dream some of the bloggers were at St. Andrews park, and the sun was shining and I was happy and confused.

There were people in the church, people in States and Freemasons uniforms and they were committing evil, I went over there but didn't go in.
But Jersey was bright and clear, real, and I woke up.

Anyone who mistakenly thinks that I am going to Jersey this weekend, no, that is crossed wires, I can't travel that distance without being ill. I can hardly even travel as far as my adoptive parents without being ill.
When I am dead it will be a different matter, I will come home then, and my ashes will be scattered on St. Ouen's Bay, so I can sleep tight with the lights of Casquets and Corbiere beaming bright over my soul forever. My soul never left my channel islands and never will.

Anyway, today is quite a heavy day, the cliff top, the mansion, garden centre and the care home. It is already warm and it is only coming up to 8am.

Tuesday, 13 June 2017


Good evening peeps,

Exhausted again.

At least today wasn't as bad as yesterday, but it was hot and we did work hard and I am very tired.

The boss wasn't very happy about yesterday and he apologized to me that it had all gone wrong and he put an advert up for a new trainee or team member, and we have someone new starting tomorrow.

I am not working with the team tomorrow, I am back on my own rounds, but I will be dropping by to see them as they work on the waterside and I will be working in that area all day.

Today we worked most of the day on a new contract, a place that had been ripped off and neglected by the previous gardeners, they are so grateful and nice to us as we pull away ton bags full of waste. Then we had a smaller domestic garden to do.
But the sun and the heat was too much, I am headachy and tired.

I got home and put my sweaty work clothes in the wash and myself in the shower, cooked supper and have just been looking at the television, too tired for anything else.

Tomorrow, I have to get my clothes in so I don't go to work starkers, then I have two gardens in one area, a trip to the garden centre and another small garden, a fairly easy day, a relief.

But the weather will remain hot.

Monday, 12 June 2017


Good evening peeps,

Yesterday I had breakfast on the beach, just coffee and a breakfast roll.
Then I came home to watch Hollyoaks and do some writing.

I am halfway through editing a book.

I had a quiet day, as usual.
I went grocery shopping, but I was tired and decided against the car boot sale.

I tried to have a sleep but I just lay there and didn't sleep. So I got up, I did feel a bit refreshed from lying down.
Then I just watched television and wrote and edited.
I cleaned the inside of the car and did all the preparations for the working week as well.

This morning I didn't wake as early as I would have liked but I was at work by 8am.

It was an awful day at work though, the trainee didn't turn up until 11 and didn't do any work, he is getting worse.

We only had one mower and I mowed all day, the mower was broken and rattly and it has left me very much in danger of being ill from the vibration.

My team mate was useless today, he didn't do much, until I just couldn't mow any more and asked him to take over.

It wasn't a good day and I am worried that I will be ill, I am tired and in pain and I will go to bed early.

Sunday, 11 June 2017

Sunday early morning

Good morning peeps,

Unfortunately that election night's lack of sleep has disrupted my sleeping routines completely, so I didn't sleep until 2.30 this morning and am awake now.
I need my sleep back to normal for the working week, I can't get away with lack of sleep like some of your might. In the end I used 5HTP as a knockout pill.

I dreamed that I was being bullied about my work by jealous men, thankfully that is a thing of the past, but I did stand up to them effectively.

Yesterday I successfully completed my invoices,earnings review and tax return But that wasn't why I was awake late, as far as I know. That was all done by 11pm. My books are fairly straightforward - daybook, ledger, balance. I am fortunate that I studied accounting for GCSE and farm accounting at agricultural college. I knew it would come in useful. I did business studies at both too, hoping to run a business but always worried that my disabilities wouldn't let me.
Funny old world isn't it, it came in useful in the end.

Now it is quarter to 7 and although my landlord barely sleeps, and is up and about, coughing thoughtfully to himself, I cannot do brief night's sleep, so I hope to get back to normal tonight in time for the hard working week, I am on the team for the first few days of this week.

The weather is grey with drizzle.

Saturday, 10 June 2017


Good evening peeps,

Well, Night at the Museum is on and I am watching it with a huge mug of tea and a pile of paperwork, it is invoices, review and tax return time, blah. And if you think that is bad, try doing this when you have learning difficulties.

Anyway, I must tell you something funny. I washed my work trousers with £12 in the pocket, a note and a £2 coin, and I hung the trousers on the line, still unaware, and when I got the trousers in, the £12 was still in the pocket!


Anyway, last night I didn't go to bed very early, despite being living dead from being up most of the previous night, for some reason the lack of sleep made me very productive, and before it got dark I was washing Max. Haha.

By 9.30 I was in bed, I slept like I was dead.

I woke this morning ill. Unsurprising. You peeps may be able to miss sleep or do strenuous things and change your routine when you like, but I get sick if I don't sleep a full night or if things are different from normal.

So this morning I was on the drugs - painkillers. But I was up at 7.20.

I got the washing in, I have washed everything in sight this weekend.

I made a norty decision. My hair has been going mad, as it does, it grows so thick that it should be thinned every month but I don't have the time or the money. So it has several months of growth and I never have time or money to get it sorted, but I decided to beg my salon to fit me in today. And they did, I have been going there for three years now and they have always done a good job, even if they do mutter about me not getting it thinned often enough. But since I grew my hair out it isn't as bad as it used to be.
Anyway, so my salon said they would see me at 11, and in the meantime I went down to the beach, the tide was in and beautiful under a blue sky, some people were bravely going into the water. It is still cold in the water, I know because some of my friends have been in.

Then I nipped up to my post handling system to collect and deliver mail. Those who don't know about that, it was as a result of me being vulnerable to homelessness and the police and random cranks and the church, I get my post sorted for me.

Then the haircut, they massaged my scalp as they do when they wash hair, and with the kind of hangover headache I had, it hurt, but not too much.

Then they trimmed my hair back to shoulder length, I like it long but it is wild and messy if it gets longer, and not great for a gardener. I prefer shoulder length and not having to tie it back.
And then the straighteners did their thing. I am not racist but I must have ancestors of the wild hair, because my hair has that strange curl.
Anyway, finally the thinning, the bit that I like, because I feel the weight going and I start to look like a girl rather than a norty haystack.

After the haircut I was tempted to stay down by the sea but I was tired and headachy so I came home. I am glad I did.

Once home I started to feel sick, I was nearly sick, it was only midday, so I lay down on the bed and was deeply asleep for four hours!

I woke up and Night at the Museum is on and everywhere is quiet, outside the sun is out and the kids are playing up the road.

I must get on with my paperwork.

Friday, 9 June 2017


Good evening peeps,

I am tired, I wonder why? :)

This morning I cleaned the flat and put the washing out before work.

I headed for work, worried about delays, which were a possibility, but I got to work fine, I even got a coffee on the way.

I worked on the farm and enjoyed it as usual. I can't help it, I like them, I like the farm, I even like the cheeky chickens.

When I finished I headed for town for lunch and shopping before my next job.

I got all the toiletries and household things and some groceries, and I had lunch. Then it was the next job, which is in town.

The job was one of my old ladies, the one who likes half an hour of tea and biscuits in my time. You know I don't like this, but I was very good, I indulged her, for half an hour, but I told her that I couldn't have biscuits because I am offered too many biscuits by my customers :)

But after that, work was over, for the week. All my work, my trade, is done for the week, no work tomorrow.

I was so tired I was worried about driving home, but I was careful and got home safe, I have been doing odds and ends of my weekend tasks, I am well ahead, and I have been reading a new book that I got yesterday.

All I have left is Hollyoaks and the laundry, and then it is a very early night, I am so tired. I am glad it's the weekend.

I won't comment on the election, I think you can guess.

Going down in history

Good morning peeps,

A historical moment, and please note I am not an uneducated idiot who tries to say 'an historical moment', aren't they stupid, to try to pervert the English Language?

Anyway. You know I had a late evening on Wednesday when I went to the theatre with my mate? Well I have really been putting myself at risk of relapse by staying up most of the night, absolutely fascinated with the election!
This blog has been running since 2011 and has seen a number of elections, but this one was a cracker, I could not go to bed. I stayed up until 3.15 am or thereabouts, and got up at 5.45, so I am very tired, I could only do it because my work arrangements today allow it and it is Friday, I don't start work until 10.30 today and I only have two gardens and up to four hours of work today, yesterday I worked hard so that I can have this weekend off to do tax return, tax review, invoices, and some writing and editing if there is time. A few lie-ins will go down well as well.

So I was able to stay up most of the night, fascinated by the election. Watching the Church of England Party suffer as the NHS and public services party surged was awesome. And of course one reason I stayed up was to make sure Jane Dodds lost, if Dodds won, then it would have been interesting to take the complaint up with the lib dems but she was beaten by at least 10,000 again. Methinks she should get the hint.
I wonder if the Church of England will begin to see that their prayers do not swing general elections, and even their manipulations are beginning to fail.

End of rant, I have been up since 5.45, I have started the weekend house clean, the first clothes wash is on, the kitchen is clean, the bedroom is clean, I have moved the mats ready for a sweep and dust. Maybe I should get dressed.

Thursday, 8 June 2017


Good evening peeps,

We had a good evening last night, it was National Theater Live production of the Royal Ballet doing an Ashton triple bill, very good, and my mate treated me to an ice cream sundae.

You know I don't like being out late, but this was the last ballet of the season and my mate really wanted to see it and I was happy to go with him as his disabilities mean he can't go alone.

Anyway, I had done everything in preparation for the today before we went and had put everything ready so I could come in and go straight to bed when I got home.

It was a lovely evening as I said, and I dropped him off by 10.30 and was home and in bed by 11. I knew the exhaustion of the evening would help me to sleep, and it did, and I knew I would be sleepy this morning, and I was.

I was sleepy but I fell out of bed and into the car, via some clothes of course, the naked gardener could cause a stir.

I went to work for my lady on the cliff top, the sea was grey and ominous and there was a breeze.
Then I went to grab my meds, loads of omeprazole to stop my insides from bleeding, and some hydration salts that will stop me getting so sick when I work in the heat.

Then I was off to the mansion, where I worked hard for some time.

Then I finally, at 3pm, got some lunch when I went to collect plants and compost. I had a nice steak slice.

Then I headed to the care home, where I was mainly working on the bedding plant setup, which is coming along nicely. There were rain showers but only light.

I kept forgetting and then remembering that it was general election day.
I hope that the church of england party don't get back in, despite the archbastard of canterbury doing his best to tell his clergy who to vote for, hopefully the NHS is bigger than the CofE in this case.
I also pray with all my heart that Jane Dodds isn't elected after the damage she has done to me and other victims for the church, if she does, I will be making a formal complaint against her, again.

Wednesday, 7 June 2017


Good evening peeps,

Just briefly as I have to go and collect my mate as we are going to the Ballet tonight, you may notice that it has been a year since we last went.

Monday night the rain and wind howled all night and towards morning, half asleep, I was wondering if it would stop as forecast.

But my first customer phoned and cancelled until next week, she said everything was soaking and the gale down by the sea was too much to be safe.

A number of trees were down.

I didn't know what to do, work cancelled is a disruption, so I sat and felt puzzled for a while, and then as it wasn't raining, I went and did another garden, and then I did the care home lawns.

It was a short working day, and after that I did writing and editing.

I didn't have such a bad sleep last night, although I wasn't deeply asleep, and I went to work at 7am, sleepy but willing.

The reason for this is because the area is being disrupted with festivals and things, and I wanted to start and finish early so that I could come home, shower, change and eat before taking my mate to the ballet.

It worked out well. The boss was perfectly happy for me to change my hours and I was working alone on the millionaires waterside estate, so I just got there and got on with it. I had a nice lunchbreak by the water, and three full ton bags later I was off home.
The boss will kill me when he goes to collect those bags, they are heavy and he has the tipper truck.

I was home by 3.30, no traffic holdups coming this way, so I have showered and eaten and now I must sort myself out and get out there to collect my mate. I will be in late and that will make me tired for work tomorrow, not ideal as I have plenty to do!

I just want to tell you how I feel about the flags, they have all been half-mast which is understandable, but our smiley face flag had only just gone up and it was so cheerful and it made me smile, but it had to go half mast and that felt sad, it made me feel like crying, and in the end it has been taken down, because you cannot have a smiley face flag half mast.

Tuesday, 6 June 2017


Good evening peeps,

I am very tired. I will update tomorrow. If I get time. I am still suffering nightmares and trauma at night.

In the meantime, never forget me nearly ending up homeless last year from the church police attack.

Monday, 5 June 2017


Good evening peeps,

It's raining hard, so I have the window and the blinds open, making the most of the beautiful rain.

Yesterday I was tired and with the strange headache and strange feeling that I have had recently, I think it is the pollen count, so I had antihistamines and an inhaler and felt better eventually. So the flat got cleaned and the car got cleaned and I got some writing done.

Everything was all sorted for the working week by bed time, and I realized just how much revision my books need if I want to mainstream them, I have self-published so much work in a hurry because I fear for my life because of the Church of England.

Anyway, I went to bed at the  normal time but woke in the night with nightmares and distress. I managed to sleep eventually, but I am worried about this spate of night distresses, I can't afford to lose sleep during the week.

Anyway, I was up perfectly early, and off to work.
My mate was late because he had to go to the tip, so I worked while I waited for him. There was heavy rain forecast so we had to get a move on with our work, and so by 3.30, as the rain and wind came in, we had done all our work apart from one garden, which we left for another time, and it was time to head home.

The wind and rain are wild and heavy, just how I like them, and a relief from the heat and the pollen. Unfortunately after tonight's rain and tomorrow's showers, there isn't much more rain forecast, and it will get warmer again.

I got home from work shivering wet and cold, and I was ever so quick to get supper and have a hot shower, and get all the duvets and pillows onto the sofa, but then I slowed down and stared at the television when I should be writing.

I am so tempted to ask the boss how his mowing went, but I am afraid that his answer will be unprintable. He has been struggling to get some fields mowed, and this weather won't have helped.

Sunday, 4 June 2017


Good evening peeps,

Well yesterday evening was the same tiredness and early night, and the same distress and nightmares as the night before.
I am stumped, I get too tired to stay up, but the change of routine triggers distressed sleep.

I got up at 8 this morning and put Hollyoaks on, I am still tired, and very short of breath. I think the pollen count is a factor. I have had inhalers and tablets but I am too tired and breathless.

I have done the shopping and hung the bed linen out to dry and bleached and soaked the wetroom, and lunch is nearly ready.

I would like to get some writing done but I am so tired.

Would you believe I forgot to mention the London terror attack?
I hope no-one throttles me for saying this, but it looked staged.
As ever, my thoughts are with people caught up in it. It just shouldn't happen/

Saturday, 3 June 2017


Good evening peeps,

I am tired.

Yesterday I went back to work on the estate, I worked hard and it was hot.
I had half an hour left to cut some hedges when the site manager turned up and told me about an area that the boss had overlooked, there were complaints about it, so I shot over there and picked up speed and cleared it, this put my body under too much stress. And I was left with only 10 minutes to do a bit of the hedges.

I left two very heavy ton bags for the boss, which would send him mental as he has the flatbed van. Heehee.

Then I went into town and had lunch, and then went to do the old lady's garden, she wanted me to spend half an hour on tea and biscuits but I politely refused. The The wind picked up and thunderclouds gathered, but just a few spots of rain fell as I finished work.

I got home so tired that I couldn't do anything. This heat and breathing difficulties and very hard work are exhausting me, and on top of that, the misery of the church of england destroying me never lessens.

I went to bed at 8.30, fast asleep. I woke at 1.30am with nightmares and lay awake suffering distress before drifting back into nightmares.

I woke at 7am and got up, but couldn't occupy myself, idly computering and cleaning the kitchen as well.
After a while I went out, I had garden centre stuff to get, and letters to post, shopping to do. Errands, a boring Saturday morning, and then I had to work this afternoon. At least I got the washing done and out to dry.

The care home keeps getting left until last as my week is so heavy. So today I spent three hours there, and time did fly, there was a breeze and some shade and time went by. I got significant work done there, which is good, but I came home tired and not wanting to do anything, again.

I am having a three week break from church, for three different reasons and none of them are to do with my church or churchpeople, this week I am tired and simply need to rest tomorrow before another hard week, next week there is an event in town which will make parking hard and I would like to stay at home, and the third week I am away.
I may meet up with some of the peeps in the meantime.
I am afraid of not going to church, because I am so isolated and the trauma of the church of england overwhelms me, but on the other hand I am not dependent on church.

Today has been sunny but slightly cooler than the sweltering week, and with a breeze.

There is nothing decent on TV at all.

Thursday, 1 June 2017


Good evening peeps,

One very tired nortyperson on her way to early bed.

Today I started the day on the cliff top, where there was the usual helpful breeze.

Then I went to collect my fork from the garden where I left it, and stopped to get lunch and petrol on my way to the afternoon's sub-contract work.

My hedgecutter is working again!

I spent the afternoon working on the millionaires estate by the water, and as always there was a helpful breeze there too, and it was peaceful despite being our half-term, because most residents don't live there full time, it is their second home or holiday home, so it was relatively quiet, I was lucky that the sun moved round as I worked, so I had some shade, but various well-off people tutted about me being a 'poor woman, having to work in this heat!'
They don't know about manual labour, and I don't have any choice but to do this work, no matter how tired and in pain I get.

Anyway, most of my afternoon was spent sorting out a shambolic hedge, I did my best with it.
I was offered drinks but I had bottles with me, I have never worked up there without being offered drinks, they almost compete to get me to drink things, I think millionaires struggle to understand that lady gardeners can be very competent and self-sufficient. Haha, am I being prejudiced? I like working there, I love the boats and the water.

As I was finishing, the boss came up to do some strimming, so we chatted. And then I headed home, as he only had one strimmer with him.

I have been so tired and aching, I have had my shower and put deep heat in my aching muscles but I am useless.

Tomorrow is similar, only I am on the estate in the morning and working for one of my old ladies in the afternoon.
I will have to work part of Saturday as well. Tomorrow looks hot but cloud for the morning so I may be OK.

I have to admit, I am finding life hard. The work and the ongoing distress over the way the church have destroyed me, and trying to make ends meet, even though I work. I get so tired and I wonder what the point of it all is.