This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Wednesday, 30 April 2014

Wednesday Night

Good evening,

I am being norty and staying up when I need sleep.

The blogs have been busy.

This morning there was mist when I nosily peeked out the window.

When my house was presentable and I was too, I wandered to the drop-in, dived into the puppy pile, and had lots of coffee and sausage sandwiches.

Then off I set on another photography trek, not a long walk, just several bus rides, and then a bit of walking, knee still stiff.
I got some great shots, although the mist made some of the shots I wanted impossible.

Anyway, I got home easily, with all the buses connecting well.

I had a bath and did some writing and watched some movies.

Then I went to prayer group/house group. Which went on for hours and was great.
Lovely evening but too long for me, why do they do everything for so long here?

Back here idling when I need to either work or go to bed.

Wednesday Morning

Good morning,

Well it was late last night when I finally got to bed, and I slept soundly until this morning, I woke up from dreams about being with my family and moving on, being violently bullied by my brothers, which was a way of life in real life.
In my dream my brother kept following me to the toilet and smashing the lock on the door so I couldn't go in peace, which was genuinely typical of the type of thing they did.

Anyway, I woke, and am brewing tea.
My knee is the main casualty of yesterday's walk, I think being able to walk is a good thing, but the knee hasn't reacted well.

Tuesday, 29 April 2014

Tuesday Evening

Good evening,

Wow, what a day. I am very very tired.

This morning, my landlady came round to check how I was getting on, fortunately I was up and about, washed and dressed, and making the bed (haha),
She had a look at the net curtain that I have been battling with, and talked bins with me and told me there are pegs in the greenhouse as I could not find any at the supermarket!
Landlady was beginning to think she had a ghost as a tenant as I have not been in when she is around, I have been in and out like a demented yo-yo.

I cleaned and hoovered the flat.

So, the last of my washing dried correctly pegged, and I went to the drop-in and got a haircut, I see what the people from church mean, but at least my hair is short and thinned and easier to look after now.
The other thing was, I was watching the drop-in art group and some of them do simple painting by numbers, I could have a go at that. :) maybe next week I will see if I can budget for an easy kit.

I came home, washed my hair again to remove all the loose hair, changed my top for a cotton teeshirt, did some lunch and then set off for a great photography walk.

And wow what a walk I had! I took, a bottle of squash, a few toffees, my camera and a little radio. And my stick. As well as money and bus pass and phone.

I started out, and a few of the guys from the drop-in were out and asked me if I was 'going for a stroll' I told them where I was going, and they laughed because it was a trek rather than a stroll. They were having a stroll.

Yes, I had a long walk and I was walking well, with my stick, it was now a fine day after early rain, and I enjoyed a leisurely first few miles, stopped for a coke, and of course I was taking photographs from beginning to end of the walk, hundreds of photographs on such a lovely day.

After a few miles I knew I had a tough climb up my revered Great Hill.
I managed it, and continued the 'boring leg' of the walk, up a steep lane, and then back to more interesting wooded paths, after a while I came through to a small group of houses, a man was tending his garden and he stopped to chat, he told me about the wildlife and birds of prey in the area and I told him I wanted some wildlife pictures, so he invited me for a cup of tea on his porch and he told me the wildlife was so tame that I would get some pictures from there, and he was right, I got some smashing pictures, I can't wait to show people these pictures.

It was lovely to sit and look at the amazing view and chat, the chap was a lovely old gentleman a bit like my old friend and head gardener, Ted, perfectly safe and a very keen gardener with a lot of garden to look after.

The view from the porch, in vague terms that wont put me at risk of being traced. (The date on the photo is incorrect! It was taken today!) I did this vague photo just to post on here.

Anyway, I spent over an hour chatting to this man and waiting for good wildlife shots, and eventually, as time was marching on and I had a few more miles to go before sunset, we said goodbye and I thanked him, sometimes you just meet nice people, and you may never see them again but they are a nice memory.
I was very shy and unsure of myself as usual, talking to him, but he was a genuine honest guy, and we talked gardening for a long time, his gardens are so beautiful and extensive, a lot of work obviously but absolutely wonderful, a little paradise.

So I trekked on, deep into the woods, up hill and down dale, documenting everything in photographs -trees, streams, hills, bluebells etc.
Eventually the deep dark woods thinned and sparkles of evening sunshine showed through, and on and on I went, until the path came out of the woods and the last few miles were a gentle stroll on flat ground.

I got to my destination, got some chocolate to boost my blood sugar and waited for the bus to get me home.

I got home and did curry, for carbs, as Stuart Syvret always says, cos I used up all my carbs on that walk.

I am sitting here, beginning to stiffen up, although I walked well. My knee was beginning to lock by the time I staggered to the bus stop, but I am pleased I have been able to walk like that. I will suffer tomorrow! :)

I have a choice soon of an even longer walk, sponsored one, or to be on checkpoint for other sponsored walkers, I have a feeling that checkpoint is to be the choice, but one day, if I manage to stay on my feet, I will do a Great Walk again.

Tuesday Morning

Good morning,

Well yesterday was a busy day, even when I got home at 6pm and thought I would relax and get some housework done, I had a voicemail, and had to go out again, it is funny, I have this flat and I am out and busy all the time! :)

Anyway, I got home again at about 8.30 and did a bit of writing.
Had a bath, and fell into bed.

Slept the night apart from a toilet break. at 4am, it is hard to adjust the temperature here,I can wake too cold or too hot, I was hot, so I got orange squash and opened the window and slept again.

I was meant to get up early and get my washing in before the rain, but when the alarms went off, I knocked them on the floor and slept again, I knocked the battery out of one of the alarm clock so it stopped.

Eventually I got up and am sitting here with my tea, I think I needed a lie in, I am not resting as I am supposed to during the day, and I am ending up with no energy.

Last night I dreamed about the diocese, Bishop Dakin was doing some sort of pomp and circumstance parade and he had a strange shaven-headed man helping him instead of the barrister with a dog collar who is his chaplain.
I dreamed they tried to trick me and I told them what I thought of that, but I came to the parade and was in a wheelchair.

Well sometimes I wish I could afford a mobility scooter, and sometimes these days, a wheelchair would be easier, but I am not giving up while my legs still move.

I woke up with the screaming horrors of how I was slandered in Jersey and how it was repeated back to me what the clergy were saying about me at their meetings.
I feel like writing about it, but writing when I am angry is not a great idea.

Monday, 28 April 2014

Monday afternoon

Briefly, been bowling for hours, very tired, washing hung out, weather changeable, very busy, back online tomorrow.

Monday Morning

Good morning,
I slept through the night and dreamed a lot, but the dreams were unpleasant.
I woke to the net curtain rail falling down, ah, domestic life!

So I went to the homeware store and got hooks and I will fix the net curtain rail, it was a bodge job in the first place and I have inherited the fixing of it! :(

I have been posting on the other blog and now I must go and sort myself out and go bowling.

I put the laundry on in my own washing machine! :)

Sunday, 27 April 2014

Sunday Evening

Good evening,

Please excuse the error that was Friday afternoon's post being labelled as Thursday afternoon, now corrected.

Well, Saturday was originally to be a bried training course and Sunday morning was to be litter picking with my community group, but plans changed.

I heard from a certain VIP, that he was to be over here and on the South Coast, and at first, even though I really wanted to meet with him, I was not sure I could get there, then miraculously, at prayer meeting on Friday evening, a couple from church said they were heading in that direction and they could drop me off part way.

I didn't sleep well on Friday night as I was thinking too much, then it was an early start on Saturday morning, my friends from church came and picked me up, and off we went into the early morning, when they dropped me off at a town on the South Coast, a town I knew well, I had time for a coffee and a wander before catching the National Express to where I was to meet my VIP friend :)

The journey was peaceful and I arrived all relaxed and sat on the wall waiting for his train to come in.

He arrived, and we did a tour of the coffee houses in the town, and then we had a deluxury lunch at Pizza express and talked a lot.

It was such a delight to meet with him and talk, we talked about everyone we knew, and we talked a bit about the traumatic stuff, and I am still having to be careful not to have flashbacks or a collpase as a result, the full horror of what happened, it is not healing, it is just contained, and it is really hard although I need to talk about it to heal it, because anyone, Bob Hill or anyone else immediately traumatizes me if they talk about what has happened and how utterly horrible people have been without knowing my side, and it remains that despite the blog, my side is drowned out, erased and omitted, and the Diocese deliberately did that, which is evil.
As I said to my VIP friend, Jesus and His teachings in the Bible are a benchmark, a plumbline, to hold the church who claim to act for Him up against.

Anyway, it was an utterly wonderful day, wonderful to meet him and talk, I am delighted we had that opportunity, and finally, I think we were both running out of energy when we headed back to the bus and coach station, and he caught his train while I caught my coach and had a peaceful journey back to the town where my friends were due to collect me on their way home.

I got there in time for a cuppa, some photography and a look round the late opening shops before my friends came and collected me and we headed home.
Got home just after 9pm and exhausted, read a bit of one of the books my VIP friend got me, and fell exhausted into bed and slept.

I woke this morning feeling tired and in pain, the weather was stormy and I was supposed to be litterpicking, I walked up to the foot of the hill and no-one else was out litterpicking, so I sat in a shelter until the rain died down a bit, and headed home for a quick breakfast before going into town.

I went past my little old church up near my old house, and wished I was worshipping with them, I will see them later in the week.
I went into town and went clothes shopping. I am still mainly dressed in my street rags, which get worse every day, so I took the opportunity to buy new clothes and feel rather amazed and also worried at the amount I spent, I have never spent so much on clothes before.
Oh but I feel so smart! :)

Anyway, I went home and washed my hair -which is due a long overdue cut on Tuesday, the man at the drop-in is going to do it. And I changed into my new clothes and went to afternoon church for a special service.
Someone at church had plated me up a roast lamb dinner to take home after church so I did.

I am settling well at the flat, beginning to get everything in place, it feels strange having a flat of my own, I have grown up.
I have a very busy few weeks ahead, as well as new flat things there is just so much going on, there are even double bookings at times.
Tomorrow I will go bowling with my group, they keep nagging me for being elsewhere when it is bowling time! :) Hey, lets have some fun this week! :)

I will be offline a lot and back to normal in about two weeks, maybe.

Friday, 25 April 2014

Friday Afternoon

Good afternoon,
I went into town to do various, and then fell asleep at my new home and dreamed about police and cells and beatings and Jane Fisher and being treated badly by the NHS because of the diocese.

I was relieved to wake up!
I woke knowing that I really do need an operation and the diocese are preventing that by being a threat to me.

It is still pouring with rain here and I have no idea now what is happening this weekend, it has all gone to pot.

I forgot to say, my upper spine, shoulder and skull have been fine throughout the move, which is testimony to the skill of the man who has been repairing them, unfortunately my knee hasn't fared so well and is very out, the kneecap will not stay in place :( I have to wait until either I am safe from the diocese and their police and my medical records are correct or until I can go overseas to get a scan and operation.

Friday Morning

Good morning,

Well it was 8pm before I finished all my  tasks yesterday.
I got home, had a bath, and then couldn't settle and did a bit of housework and handwashing underwear.

9.10, I was in bed and trying to settle in a new home and new bed.
New houses sound different, different noises, and also different temperature and different feel and different bed.

But after a short while, I was so tired I slept.

I slept a good night, apart from hearing a drunk person wailing down the street at one point, which hardly woke me.
I dreamed and dreamed of the Channel Islands, as if the dream was on repeat.
I dreamed of Jersey, especially the waterfront and the horrible development. I dreamed I didn't want to be in Jersey and thought I may as well get some photography done while I was there.

I woke, completely relaxed and very comfortable at 7.40am. It was raining hard outside.

I got up and had a leisurely wash and breakfast.

I am not sure what to do with my new home yet, I am still a bit lost in it, I need to learn how it works and why.

Thursday, 24 April 2014

Thursday Afternoon

Good afternoon,

Well while waiting for the money to be sorted, I dropped in at the drop in, had a cuppa and a chat, didn't stay for lunch as I was so worried about money.

The money came through and is now transferred, the rent is paid, the move is complete, there is food in the house, I have done all my tasks and most of my change of address notifications.

It has turned into a nice day and I hope it stays nice as I am going to do photography  tomorrow.

I forgot to mention, I did get Easter chocolate on Sunday, and there was an Easter egg hunt at church.

I have a very busy few weeks and will not be online so much, then I will be online more with projects to do.

Thursday Morning

Good morning,
Well I was up at 5.45, 15 minutes before the alarm. I had been worried I wouldn't sleep, but I was so tired I fell into deep sleep and slept all night.

Anyway, up I got, finished packing and cleaning, dropped the keys off and walked through the mist to the bus.
Misty misty morning, I arrived at the new place, did a quick breakfast and headed into town to sort the money out, good job I was so early, the Benefit idiots had messed up and my money wasn't through.
I had checked with them on Tuesday that the money would be ok after the bank holidays, and the idiots had told me it would be, and it wasn't.
The rent on my new home is due today, money is not through to be transferred, and so they are trying to sort it out, while I fume.
I will not get my hot lunch at the drop-in now! :( bah.

What a thing to happen!

Wednesday, 23 April 2014

Wednesday Afternoon

Good Afternoon,

Well I am busy with the move, nearly there. Very tired.

This time tomorrow I will be moved, and settling in.

Yesterday evening I got some major moving done, and I am just on the tail end of moving stuff this evening, and then it is me and the backpack in the morning.

Last night I was deeply tired and painful but had a bad night of light sleep and insomnia, and so when the alarm went off at 6am I felt not too happy.

I got up and got the towels and linens that belong here into the wash, as well as my linens for the new house, and then took a backpack of stuff to the new house, then back for another load and to hang the washing out, by the time I had had a light lunch at the drop-in, it was beginning to rain, so I hurried home to get the washing in.

I am really nearly done with the move, I need a rest and then I will move another load, and then finish cleaning the room, then I will be ready to go in the morning, get myself and my things to the new place and then out to make sure the first rent goes through.
Then probably a hot meal at the drop in and then life goes as normal, from a new home.
I don't know when I am next online but probably tomorrow afternoon.

Tuesday, 22 April 2014

Tuesday Afternoon

Good afternoon,
Busy as a bee with paperworks and tasks.
Well I am sure bees do not do paperwork.

hmm, pollen registers, how much collected from each plant, performance indicators, wouldn't it be funny if bees had to do paperwork? :)

Anyway, I have got necessary forms and been to see if I can work part time in supported employment.
Unlikely, they didn't exactly tell me that I am trashed and will never work again, but...well they did.
I have this dream that even in a wheelchair I will work in a horticultural nursery, lets see who wins this one.
I am not fit for work, I can barely drag myself through day to day life.
But one has to hope, because a life dependent on benefits and below the poverty line is a bit of a shame.

Anyway, I have to go shopping for things for the new house, food and pillows.

And I will move some more things this evening, wish I didn't feel so tired.

My tasks are done, so moving things in an hour or two is the next thing, tomorrow will be deep cleaning, moving things, handing in paperwork, and Thursday the move finalises, just me and a backpack to hop over to the new place in the morning.
Done ok to progress to permenant so quickly eh? :) wish me luck.

Tuesday Morning

Good morning,

Yesterday I picked up the tenancy agreement and keys, and started moving stuff. I moved some heavy stuff last night.
I don't officially move in until thursday but this way I can move my stuff gradually and settle in gradually and give the old place a deep clean.

The new place already has teabags, sugar and milk installed, so I can drink tea there as I unpack, which also helps me to feel at home, but as well as moving stuff, I have mountains of paperwork and notifications to do, to ensure that I am registered at my new home.

This is what is called a permenant home, which is like really risky if the diocese launch on me again.

I was exhausted last night and was afraid my neck and shoulder would trigger, but the skill of the work done on the injuries is beginning to show, because the trigger didn't happen. I can feel ache, but not agonizing pain.

I am at the drop in with my pals.

I will have to go and do official paperwork soon, and then later when I feel better, I will move stuff, I am exhausted now but it will get better as the day goes on.

Monday, 21 April 2014

Easter Monday lunchtime

Good lunchtime,

Well I woke up this morning to peace and quiet, it has been quiet here recently apart from a guy crashing on someone's door and threatening to bash their brains out because they 'grassed him up'.

Anyway, I put a second load of washing on, and tidied the house, and did pitta bread and homous to eat, kind of halfway between breakfast and lunch.

Just starting to get my brain in gear and start sorting my things and lists out for moving home. I am due to go and look at the new place again this afternoon, this will help to orientate me and help me look at where my things will live etc, and then I can also talk rent payments and things.

I am still coughing so bad I am worried something will burst, but getting out of the damp should help.

It is a nice sunny day, so I have to boot myself out for an outing at some point, when the washing is done, cos I don't want the scruffians nicking my washing! :)

Sunday, 20 April 2014

Easter Sunday Evening

Good evening,

Well I went to church, it was pouring rain when I set out, the sun came out when I got to church.

Church was as usual, and after, I had a short walk and then caught the bus, decided not to get off the bus at home and went for a bus ride.

Home, I put the first lot of washing on, and it is done to hang up now, and I have done a quick tidy and have the movies on to watch.

I have to start looking at task lists and plans of action as I am moving home this week.

I don't think I mentioned it did I? Just to be annoying and also keep myself safe from the diocese.
I viewed a place when I was ill and the buses weren't running well and I nearly missed the viewing and got quite stressed, not pleased with the bus company.

Anyway, so it will be a busy week, it is trickier to move when you are domesticated than when you are an unregistered vagrant.

Easter Sunday Afternoon

Well the weather is torrential, I put a raincoat on and ploughed through the water to get supplies from the shop, especially lozenges and lunch and things.

Now I am sitting in bed watching movies and resting.

Funny how after all the sunny weather, Easter day is torrential rain, as if God is weeping for the terrible destroying Church of England and their victims.

Easter Sunday Morning

Good morning,

I am awake but not at Church, I slept late and didn't wake for church,  I'm not doing well this Easter.

It is pouring with rain, I am coughing, I wish this cough would clear, it is in no hurry this time.

I will be at church this afternoon.

Saturday, 19 April 2014

Easter Saturday Night

Halfway through, just Easter Day and Monday to go, the shops are open pretty much as normal here, really it is hardly any different from normal time.

This morning I woke feeling refreshed, having dreamed of the diocese without too much distress, I plodded through my routines, still battling chest infection, watched movies and did some writing, did a brief shop, and eventually headed to a party I was due to go to.

We had a lovely time, I got there early and tormented everyone and persuaded them to put balloons out the front, which I blew up, and then I was on parking duty :)

The party was fun, food and noise, great.

Eventually I was exhausted, so I toddled quietly home and have been writing and watching movies.
Seems like a way of spending Easter Saturday, because I can't remember what Easter Saturday is for :)

Friday, 18 April 2014

Good Friday evening

Good evening,

Sorry about the lack of blog, just haven't been too good.

I fell yesterday, which doesn't help, and had a bad night apart from dreams about my dad, which I wanted to stay in, so that I could stay close to him.

I went to communion yesterday evening, it was good, and everyone was lovely.

Today it was hard to get up, move, or do anything, so I just took more time to get going, shower, eat, tidy the place up.
I didn't go to church at all, but by this afternoon I was feeling able to go for a short bus ride, so I did.

Thursday, 17 April 2014

Maundy Thursday evening

Good evening,

There is communion in an hour.

I am sitting in bed, wearing my neck collar.
I was trying to fill in a DLA re-assessment form but I can't focus.

I haven't written anything for a few days and I don't feel much like writing.

I remember in 2010, how I asked Jane Fisher if she would help me refer to the hospital because I was exhausted and broken down, isn't it funny how the Korris report claims I was refusing assessment and diagnosis at the time?  Not really funny, but I have been tempted to ask the diocese again, because as a result of their bonkers antics last year, I got sick and never recovered, I can't see a doctor without feeling at risk, and I can't relate to people even as well as I used to, I am burned out and exhausted and in pain, and I want the Diocese to stop being a threat through tracing me and reports, and if they would help witha referral for real help, not the NSPCC, then I would appreciate it, not a referral behind my back or a sectioning attempt, from which I have never recovered, but a referral for help.

Monday, 14 April 2014

Monday Evening

Good evening,

Well when I got home there was a bit of a drink and drugs party going on, which didn't look good for cooking a lamb meal in the middle of, but to my everlasting astonishment, within minutes of me getting home, they all packed up and went away.

I started reading Exodus as the meal cooked, remembering as always, how my Dad used to read it, and how he said 'we are remembering the Passover, not keeping it'.

The bit I always remember, that we loved as children, was the plague of frogs, especially frogs in the mixing bowls/kneading troughs.

Anyway, the meal cooked, and I washed myself, but had no smart clothes to change into, so I wore my pyjamas with a lacy thermal top.
When I was little, it was all exciting because after bath time we changed into our white dresses that we only wore once a year.

So I finished Exodus and the meal was cooked and I was washed.
I ate my Passover meal, and prayed that just as God released my ancestors from the Egyptians, that He will release me from the Church of England's crushing oppression.

And here I am, feeling tired and ill, with an early start in the morning.
Bed time, maybe.

Monday Afternoon

Good afternoon.

Well I went out earlier to do some photography, but I forgot the memory card for the camera, stumped!
I felt tired and jelly-like anyway, I did a brief shop and came home.
I got some clorahexadine - which used to be difflam, because my throat and mouth were raw from coughing, and I got daffodils for the windowsill, I don't think I am allergic to them, but I will soon find out!

I got a card for my friend who is in hospital, I am just going to drop that off to the people who are going to see her, and then I will go and do some photography, with the memory card this time! :)

Then when I come home, I will watch movies and have a passover meal of sorts.

Monday Morning

Good morning,

Well yesterday evening I tried to go to church, got there and felt far too grotty and weak for all the chatter and bustle, so I went home, fell asleep and didn't wake up until about 9pm, which is not so good as it could impact on the night's sleep.
I still felt very rough, so I watched movies, and phoned my friend and was relieved that she was feeling ok, she told me to remember to go to church every day as it is Holy Week, Holy Week is mainly religion so I will go to church when I want to chat to Jesus

I went to bed at midnight, expecting a bad night, but slept through and woke feeling a bit better, not ok, but quite a bit better.

As far as I know, today is Passover, so I will honour my Father and remember the Passover with lamb and bitter herbs this evening, and I know I am allowed grape juice instead of wine :)

The weather is good but I have no energy, so I am a bit stumped.

Sunday, 13 April 2014

Sunday Lunchtime

Good lunchtime.

Well, last night I didn't expect to sleep well as I was feeling so rough.
I propped up the pillows so that I wouldn't drown and I put all the medicine and tissues and water and a bowl by my bed.
Then I fell asleep.
And amazingly, I slept better than usual, waking once and then waking at 7am with my lungs roaring like a helicopter.
I felt a bit better, still far from ok, but better than yesterday.

It took a long time to get up and get sorted, and my lungs still aren't clearing well, it hurts when I cough and doesn't produce much.

I am resting and watching movies.
I didn't go to church this morning, but I think it is palm sunday, so all the barmy church people process in and out of the church and Jesus watches and says 'what are you doing?' and goes 'oy, it's not fag break' to those who linger.
The Diocese of Winchester forgot to provide a donkey for me to progress to Winchester for crucifixion on anyway.

Saturday, 12 April 2014

Saturday evening

I did a quick grocery shop, got home, and then the vomiting and the runs and coughing up all started, so I can't do much now.

Saturday Afternoon

Good afternoon.
Well I didn't sleep well, I was only sleeping lightly and woke sick and shaking at 3am, I had such funny dreams though.
I dreamed I was living in a house owned by the diocese of Winchester and I wrote them a letter complaining that the house was damp. And then I was at wolvsley for a meeting with Tim Dakin and I had an assistance dog called Lulu with me and she was sweet but I was puzzled as to where she had come from.

Anyway I dozed again until 8am and lay there not wanting to get up because of pain but knowing that I was likely to feel better if I got up and had a hot drink and some meds.
The other thing about last night is that my lungs never stopped rattling and wheezing all night.

Anyway, I got up drank tea and took Beechams and ibruprophen and tried to come to life, eventually I was awake and showered and dressed, waiting for the post, one letter for me.
I knew my parcel was due so I waited, and when I knew my landlord was around, I went down to the open day I had been planning to go to, and found that helpful.

My landlord got the parcel and I collected it off him, he cheerfully told me about how he had had five discs in his spine removed, and told me the parcel wasn't heavy! Ha!
I staggered back with the parcel under one arm and the walking stick in the other hand :( I am most certainly not meant to be carrying things. But anyway, I know have UHT milk to see me through the thin times for a long time to come.

I am wearing a soft neck collar, it is funny but I haven't worn one since I was in Jersey, it was left behind with everything else.
I have to go and do a food shop so I will take my rucksack and see if I can manage without the collar.

Friday, 11 April 2014

Friday Evening

Good evening,

Well, not much except I have been feeling ill, watched a movie, had fish and chips, and went to prayer meeting, sadly, at church I was told that the lady who recently befriended me has fallen and broken her arm badly and is in hospital for a while while they repair it. Two friends in one week, my dearest friend and my newest friend! So unfair!

Anyway, home and still ill, I will go to bed soon, although lying down makes my head and chest worse.

Friday Afternoon

Good afternoon.

Well getting home yesterday was a bit of a nightmare.
The first leg of the journey was fine, the second leg was noisy with parties of children going to holiday camps, and the third leg, now getting late, was delayed by train failure and points failure. We had to all change train, hurrying over the footbridge and standing in the cold :(

I got home shaking and ill, you know how when you get home shaking and ill it is hard to undress and get in a hot shower? :(
The hot shower revived me a bit and I had a cuppa and some nutrient milkshake so I could sleep without being hungry.

I did sleep, but woke at 5am feeling very ill, raging headache and coughing, which made the raging headache worse.
The after effects of the physical therapy are severe this time and I have a chest infection, so I feel grotty.
However, I got up, dragged myself to life and made lots of tea and drank juice too, the therapist said yesterday I am dehydrated, and he was right as my tea and fruit squash consumption had been down due to lack of money, milk or squash.

Anyway, painkillers, another hot shower as I was shaking again, painkiller gel and Beechams all in one, and I was alive enough to tidy the house and eat some toast.

Amazon are kindly re-sending the stolen parcel, free of charge and first class so I get it tomorrow, if it isn't stolen while I am out at an open day.
I have asked them to leave it with my landlord if I am out, hope he doesn't mind, he kindly gave me the letter he had kept safe for me yesterday this morning.
I hope the noodles who have been stealing things move on and find a better way of life.

I have been looking round the shops for Easter craft stuff but cannot find anything I like. The thing with Easter is that it is still alien to me due to growing up without it.
But anyway I get a pat on the head and a cookie for getting on with things while I feel so ill.

I didn't go to music and singing at the drop in today, and I don't know if I will go to prayers at church tonight, I think I am allowed a sick day, but I am better off upright as lying down makes my head and chest worse.

Thursday, 10 April 2014

Thursday Evening

Good evening,
Please excuse the lack of blog, I have been very tired and a lot has been happening, normally I warn you before I take a break.

I have made notes, so I will start from Tuesday.

I had lunch at the drop in and went on the computers, did chili and rice for tea as that is what I got from Amazon.
I was tired, I had a bus ride and then watched Forrest Gump as I settled to sleep, I am the female UK version of Forrest Gump, although not always as succesful.

I slept lightly and woke a lot.
I never heard the rows that took place that night, thankfully, with my earplugs in I was oblivious.

A bit more water came through the ceiling and the lights remained out as well, it has been a very long time since the lights worked.

When I got up yesterday, I decided to wait for the post as I was waiting for various letters and the last bit of my Amazon order - enough UHT milk to keep me through the thin times, including yesterday.

Nothing turned up with the post.

I was so tired that my walk to the drop-in was an ordeal, but worth it.

At the drop-in I was supplied with tea, hot toast and bacon sandwiches :)
We all had a good natter and they were nagging me to come bowling next week, so I will.
I needed to check with the clinic what I can and cannot do.
I have remembered my neck exercises every day, and my painkiller consumption was never high but I am barely on any at all now, and I have not had much spasm in my neck at all :)

Anyway, after a good chat and a discussion about furniture for me from the charity and how I can get my concessionary bus pass, I staggered home with the leftover milk :)

Now it was time for housework, so I put a towel and linen wash on.

But when I went to put the rubbish out, I had a shock, the first of two shocks yesterday.

The packaging from the UHT milk was discarded in the rubbish area and my UHT milk order had been stolen, by another resident.

I was shocked, theft is really upsetting, because of the though that someone could do that to you.
Someone who lives in the same place as you.

Fortunately my lesser spotted landlord was hiding behind his van, so I caught him before he could do a runner. (only joking )
My landlord was not a happy man.

He couldn't do much about the parcel being pinched but some of his post that comes direct to our place had also been stolen, and he intends to install a security camera, which I approved because the antisocial behaviour is so bad sometimes, he asked if I had heard the rows the previous night, I said no, and he said he had given some of the antisocials a weeks notice at half-past midnight because of what had been going on then -which I slept through, haha.

But, gathering by the rows about drugs money in the house recently, I would wager that the missing post and parcel etc are being taken for drugs money.

Anyway, I hung the towels and linens out in the sunshine and breeze to dry, a heavy load, so they took their time, and I had a clothes wash on as well, so I had to work hard to make sure everything dried and didn't make the place damp, because heating and ventilation have gone to pot. I used the kettle and hot water bottle to help dry things, nonetheless, I got a chest infection, possibly from the damp, although all clothes, towels and linens dried.

I did chili and rice for tea, and other residents said it smelled nice, they were having some kind of indignation meeting about what has been going on in the place, gings on I have mainly missed out on, no-one is happy, and I had to keep stepping over them all as I sorted my washing out :(

The housework all got done, spotless, and I did my task lists and shopping lists as I watched the music channel, I used to watch the music channel and I am back in that habit.

So I made the bed with fresh linens and watched Crocodile Dundee 2, everything neat and tidy and the supper things washed. I had a nice shower and put my clean pyjamas on.

I was happy to be all in order, so I texted my friend to see if we could meet up in the next few days.

The second shock of the day occured.

My friend was taken ill on Monday and had been rushed to hospital and had been kept in overnight.

She is home now but under constant watch from her husband, who himself was not too well recently, hence me missing my usual weekend with them.

My friend has an illness, but what has happened is not entirely typical and is very worrying, she says she feels a bit better today, but I am worried sick, she is waiting test results.
She is very dear to me and one person in the world who I can say I love and trust.
I am worried.

Anyway, it was harder to get to sleep last night and I didn't sleep well.

I was up at 5.30am, and went to check if one lot of money was in, it was, the other lot isn't.

So I waited impatiently for a shop to open so I could get milk, orange juice, loo rolls, bread, margerine, etc and then I went and dropped a card at the drop in with my meal money as I wont be there today.
Then I went to the other shop and got orange squash and bleach and washing up liquid, not for mixing, mind you :)

Then I watched the music channel, showered, did this and that until it was time to go to the clinic for therapy.

This is the spine and pelvis and shoulder, and everything else therapy, and it was very painful.
I hate it really but the fact is, it is giving me back mobility and control of my body that I thought was lost forever.
He  was pleased with my neck and skull, there is progress, that was the easy bit, the shoulder, pelvis and legs were the painful bit, and he said that if he did as much as he really wanted to on them then I would roll off the couch and bite his leg, which is probably true, because I felt like biting something at one point, he said, accurately, that my right leg is weaker than my left, yes, hence the left leg going at the knee from the strain, he gave me exercises for the right leg, and he tried to put the left kneecap back in, I have a feeling that will need an operation eventually though.

I was given new sets of exercises for upper spine, lower spine and right leg :( blah.
We also discussed what I can and cannot do now, and he said the important thing now is that I do not do anything for more than 10 or 20 minutes without a total break.

So I staggered merrily homewards to wait for the post, someone else was waiting for the post, so I have a feeling that others are experiencing problems.
I could not wait long as I had a train to catch, so I set off and sent my landlord a message asking if he could look after my post while I was away, as I am enjoying a day out and doing a spot of photography.

Every photograph I take seems like a step towards restoring what the church of england ripped from me.
Those who don't know, photography was one of my hobbies.

Anyway, I feel like I have been run over by a bus, so I will head home fairly soon.

Tuesday, 8 April 2014

Tuesday Morning

Good morning,

Well yesterday most of my Amazon order, but not the milk! arrived.
But I had dashed in from town and was dashing out again to my friend, I was not in a social mood but she wanted to see me, but she also wanted me to stay for supper, and I wanted to be alone really, no better than Sunday.
So she let me go home eventually.

At home I did chilli and rice for supper, which was nice, and I drank black tea, I went for a bus ride and then home and to bed for an  early night
I slept, dreamed vivid and detailed dreams.
Was in and out of sleep in the early morning and woke late as a result and didn't get the linen and towels in the wash as a result.

I got up and had black tea and biscuits for breakfast, because biscuits are the same as cereal really.

Then I came to the drop in, where everyone is on their computers.

The weather is better, so hopefully it will be the same tomorrow and I can do the sheets.

Monday, 7 April 2014

Monday Lunchtime

Good lunchtime,

I haven't blogged much over the weekend.

On Saturday I got two books from the library and then it was pouring with rain as I tried to walk home, luckily for me, I found a weekly bus pass dropped, they are no ID so if you find one you may as well use it, so I got home fairly dry.

When I got home, despite having got two books, I started reading one of my old books, and the grand national was on so I watched that.
When I was young, my siblings and I used to do bookies and bet our pocket money on the National.

I did fish and rice for supper. Pilchards make a lovely fish and rice dish.

I went for a bus ride before bed, and did a bit of writing before sleeping.

I slept lightly and dreamed a lot, woke a few times, then got up and started preparing for church while watching television.

Church was good, and the hills looked lovely shrouded in cloud. Not many people stayed after the service, and I had a quick cuppa and a chat before heading home.

Once home, I started the housework, sorting the food cupboard and the bathroom shelf.
I also made a pot of tea and watched random television. Did a bit of reading and then headed for evening church.

Evening church was good but I had drifted into flashbacks and depression, so I was overwhelmed by everyone talking to me, offering me lifts home, meals, outings etc. Thankfully they know me, so when I said I was overwhelmed, they understood.

I was going to walk home, becuase that is how I felt, but heavy rain meant I accepted a lift.

Once home, the milk had gone off and money is out, so I had oveltine and black tea, in separate cups, to ensure hot drink and caffiene levels.

I had a bus ride, and did rice and sauce for supper, had a shower, prepared to sleep and watched 7 Pounds again.

I slept, Jesus Ambushed me again, He lives on the wall behind my bed and occasionally takes a flying leap.
I dreamed vivid dreams about helping homeless people and a circus.
I woke a few times in the night and woke in the morning feeling relaxed and everything was so quiet.
It has rained hard all morning.

When I got up, I found two small UHT pots, enough for a cuppa, and then I waited in for the post, but nothing came, I have been waiting for my Amazon food order.

I will resume the Anything and Everything blog this week.

Saturday, 5 April 2014

Saturday Afternoon

Saturday Afternoon,

It is a quiet day, I am trying to decide what to do for a meal, I can do soup or rice and something, but I am not feeling much like food.
Yesterday all I had was toast for breakfast, beans and toast for lunch and soup and bread to stop me being awake with hunger in the night.

My knee is more awkward these days and it is hard to stand when I get up in themorning, which means I need physiotherapy :( However, I remember to do my neck exercises and am noticing the benefits already although the exercises feel funny.

It is drizzly today, and the Great Hills are shrouded in cloud, they look nice like that :)

Saturday morning

Good morning,

Not much to say, was low and discouraged yesterday evening so I went to prayer meeting, I was not the only person who arrived feeling like that but we were uplifted by prayers and scripture.

Then I came home via a nice walk, tired, went to bed, woke feeling cold at one point, it was too warm with the heating on, it is too cold with it off.

wrapped up in my princess blanket and bodywarmer, I slept and was disturbed a bit by the antisocials drunk in the hall, woke in the morning too warm, did my usual routines, got a letter confirming I have got a small amount of the money I applied for, sent the forms back filled in, now I have to wait again.
I watched a bit of swan princess on Movie Mix, and now briefly typing.

Still tired and in pain.

Friday, 4 April 2014

Friday Afternoon

Good afternoon,
It's been a busy day.

I have done an hour and a half of singing etc at the drop-in centre.

I had two cups of tea, had another walk, now I have to see whats in the post later and go to prayers.

Friday Morning

Good morning,

Yesterday evening I put a load of laundry on, cooked macaroni cheese and went for a walk, took a few photos as I have re-started my photography hobby, although it is not the same without the Channel Islands.

Then I watched 'Holy Man' on repeat.

Did my housework - washed up, swept up. cleaned the surfaces, finally did some self-help work, hung the washing to dry.

People ask me if I am OCD because of all my housework, but I am not, I am nervous, unused to indoors, a bit dyspraxic like my dad, so I bump things and knock things over a lot, and I remember sleeping rough and some of the more horrible side of that, like vomiting and not being able to see in the dark so the vomit went on me, not nice, so having a home means I can keep things clean and neat.

I took my 5-HTP and remembered my neck exercises which I forgot this morning, I have to do more each week, so I am now on two lots.

My friend had sent me an amazon voucher so I did a grocery order.

The weather was fine and warm yesterday, grey and cloudy today.

Someone asked if I remembered to change the clocks on Saturday, I did, before bed, so I was up on time, but too tired for church, but I wished my friend a happy Mother's day.

I slept last night, but lightly and patchily and full of dreams, I dreamed I was back in Jersey, with the whole grim government and church thing going on, I was trying to sail but couldn't remember where the rocks were, in real life, I cannot sail because of my spine, and that is why I nearly drowned before I left Jersey, not the asthma.
The other dream was about my cruel and psychopathic brother, who also caused me deep distress while I was in Jersey, I dreamed I was having to suffer his cruelty and taunts and selfishness all over again.

I was in and out of sleep until the alarm went off, then my friend texted because her husband is ill and we can't have our usual time together.  Thats a pity.

Then I went through my routines, leaving me and my home spotless and clean and tidy, and went for my walk, and here I am computing before I maybe go to the drop-in.

Thursday, 3 April 2014

Thursday Afternoon

Good afternoon,

Well it has been a busier day than expected,
I was at the drop-in centre for a while and then I walked up to the church to have lunch there as they only do a lunch every few weeks and it is a good one with a quiz.

I enjoyed the quiz and my lunch.
Then I went home and had a cuppa, expecting to go out again after that, but there was a tap on the door, it was the support worker who makes a fuss of me, she has decided to befriend me, so she came in and chatted, and we went back to her flat and chatted, then I went for a walk, looked at the scenery and came back here to compute for a while.

I am tired and my arm hurts like hell and ignores painkillers.

Thursday morning

Good morning,

Yesterday evening I sorted out my office, got rid of piles of paperwork, I do not know why I always keep the envelopes that come with letters.

So I turned out loads of rubbish and put it out, I also sorted out the toiletries and did the washing up.

Then I went riding on buses until I was tired and came home and went to sleep.
I woke and did the usual routines this morning.

Today is boring, drop in centre and not much else.

I am so tired and my arm hurts and hurts all the time.

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Wednesday Afternoon

Good afternoon,

Yesterday evening I read my books and watched Crocodile Dundee on television, then I was so tired I slept, I can sleep straight away now, I am always tired, but then I do not sleep deeply through the night, and I dream a lot.

I woke this morning feeling tired, and went through the usual routines and then headed for the drop in centre, I had a good chat with some of the others, because I am awake today as opposed to drifting and dreaming yesterday.
The support worker made a big fuss of me again :( she means well, so I let her.

Then I checked if there was any post at home, nothing useful, and now I am computing.
It is a sunny day here, after a lot of rain in the night.

Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Tuesday Afternoon

Good afternoon,

Not much to say, been to the drop in, had lunch there, dealing with letters, worries and tiredness and aches.
Too much worry.

The weather is nice though.

This evening, I have letters, drawer-sorting and lists to do.

Tuesday morning

Good morning,

Well yesterday I had a wander around after therapy and eventually came home exhausted, I watched some history programmes and read a book and had an early night, I am only sleeping lightly at the moment so I am tired.

I woke this morning and did the usual, I am achy and tired, so I went to the drop in and now I am briefly computing and will go back to the drop in.

It started foggy but cleared to a nice day.