This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Sunday, 31 August 2014

Sunday evening

Good evening,

No sign of the police returning.

Earlier I washed the windows and windowsills, and put the clean dry net curtains back up, it was surpisingly easy, I had thought I would run out of energy but I was fine.

I had another bike ride, posted a letter and rode along the seafront.

I have been plodding on with work and my bed is frashly made with clean linen and I am in clean pyjamas and ready for bed soon.

Sunday Afternoon - Police

Well I went for my swim, it was a good swim and I swam strongly and then drifted in the water and did my exercises.
I have been stung, I do not know if it was a jellyfish or one of those many swarming insects that are around at the moment.
I got home and there was a police van parked outside, so I decided not to get home, instead I went away and went into flashbacks and distress.
The police have gone, I have yet to find out if it was me personally that they wanted to beat the shit out of for whoever is powerful enough to tell them what to do.
I did consider packing a bag and going, but if they do come and beat me, I will be made homeless and return to the streets anyway.

Calling all mentors, can you arrange to sort out information in case the police do want to silence me for the powerful and influential? No illusion that the police are to do with law keeping, because they don't keep the law very well.

I have lived in fear of the police for years now.

Sunday Lunchtime

Good lunchtime,

I had a wash and hairwash this morning, scrubbed up and set off on my bike, I biked up the hill and coasted down the other side and arrived at my little church where I haven't been much for months.

I was given a hearty welcome and everyone was lovely and asked how life was going and things.
I sat with my friends, and the service was excellent. We had a visiting Priest and he was really good. The sermon was what a sermon should be, a reminder of Jesus' teachings, a reminder that I needed.

Afterwards we were all sitting round a table with coffee and biscuits, chatting and laughing, one person after another referred to our table as 'the naughty table' without knowing my nickname! :)

Some people came out of church to look at  my bike because they had never seen it before, and they seemed pleased with it, it being a raleigh and having been cheap and a good easy to ride bike.

Then off I went, I had my camera with me and I came back via the cliffs and did a good photo shoot.

The sea is calm and we have a warm day. So, having got the clothes in off the line, and having had a snack, I will hang the linens and net curtains out to dry and will head for the beach and pretend to be a whale for a while. I will get lunch later.

I just got a message that someone is coming to spend the day with me before I go back with her for the weekend, this is back to the old routine after the long summer, oh I am so looking forward to seeing everyone again! I love them! :)

Sunday Morning

Good morning,

Well I haven't had enough sleep. It was about 1am at least before I managed to sleep, I wasn't too comfortable settling down.
Then I woke at 6am with drunk people shouting their way home outside.

I was wide awake and in a little bit of pain, so I got up, tired, I know I will have to sleep later.

I got enough washing in off the line to get dressed. I have a problem due to never having much money, I have three pairs of trousers, one with no zip or buttons, one too short, and the other, my main pair, which are going at the seams and will be indecent soon, I cannot afford trousers and can never find any locally that fit or that I can afford. I have no shorts left, they all wore out, all secondhand, and I have no skirts, I will be reduced to wearing a barrel soon.

Anyway, I dressed, got on my bike and had a bike ride along the bay, there were dog walkers out and the sun was rising through the clouds.

Now home, the linens and net curtain and things are in the washing machine, waiting to go on at a time when it wont disturb anyone, and I am plodding on with some work.

I have to say that the illness thankfully seems to have gone into remission somewhat. It is a relief. It never completely goes, but it eases off, and last week was a shocker.

I am just going through my last months in Dorset and towards my first months in Jersey, and this song is one of my themes from that time

Saturday, 30 August 2014

Saturday Evening

Good evening,

I have had a better day.
I only woke once last night and was able to sleep again.
I woke relaxed this morning although vivid dreams had made me sad.

I had a lazy morning, watched a few movies, and then after lunch I biked downt to the bay for a swim.
The surf was strong and heavy and it was hard to get through it to swim, the waves were the size of houses, think St. Ouens Bay on a good surfing day, it was an interesting swim, not dangerous because the sea wasn't choppy, choppy or stormy is dangerous, but big waves are ok as long as you watch and jump, getting through the strong surf was the challenge.

I came home suitably tired and had a bath and hairwash, watched movies, put the washing on and then started tidying and cleaning the flat, it is all done now apart from the mopping and hoovering, and there is a paperwork tidyup task to do, which may wait until tomorrow.

Now I have to put the washing out, take the rubbish out, have my evening bike ride, and then I have much else to do, especially paperwork.
I got a few letters and parcels in the post today so I have things to do.

I think tomorrow I will put the bed linens in the wash and start tidying paperwork.
Sunday is the day this blog gets the most hits, it is like everyone is going 'will she go to church? what will happen?' but I feel very casual about church, if I am unwell or likely to be distressed, I will not go, if I feel I would enjoy church and it would benefit me, I will go, if God is there, he is everywhere and he and I can have a chat whenever He phones or I phone Him, a bit the way it is with my adoptives.
ooh, that'll get some hits on the blog, three and a half years adoptive, and despite the best efforts of the diocese, it has been successful.

Ho-hum, back to the chores.

Friday, 29 August 2014

Friday Evening

Good evening,

Well it has been a busy day. I was very ill in the night and this morning, I was going to go into town despite being really ill, but I nearly collapsed at the bus stop.
I came home, went through painkillers and other things, anything that would help, and when I was a bit better, I went to Al and collected my bike from him. He said it had just been a cable needed tightening. So that was ok. I could barely cycle home.

I went into town and dealt with some but not all essentials, and came home with some shopping.

I was supposed to get blood pressure check and meds, but they were busy, so I only got my meds. I biked down the cliff but did not have a memory card in my camera for pictures.
I had a little time on the seafront, enjoying the massive surf, a lot of people were enjoying the massive surf.

I came home, put the shopping away, had a bath and washed my hair.

I was not sure if I was being picked up for a party so I lay on the bed and pootled around on the computer.
Suddenly there was a vehicle outside and a tap on the door, and a cheerful party hat, and off we went.

I am not well enough for parties, but, I am also not going to get well sitting at home ill, waiting for the diocese to kill me, I may as well party as I wait to be murdered by the church of england.

The party started at 6.30 and finished at 9pm, but I was finished by 8pm. It was a lovely party but my energy is always on overdraft now and I was close to collapse.
Sadly someone else did collapse.
He was sitting with me because I took my food outside as I needed air and space, he came and sat with me and we chatted, he was nice, he told me his name and that he was epileptic, when he went away he fell down and had a fit, he didn't come round so an ambulance had to be called.
I do not recall my epilepsy training, because it was pre-Jersey, and masses of data is missing from my brain pre-Jersey, but I did recall the first rule of emergency, get help, so when the guy collapsed, he was attended to quickly.

Anyway, so, big party, masses of food, good band, lots of fun, and my friend was there so we had a fist fight by the desserts :)

But I was exhausted and feeling very sick and tired by 8pm and had to wait for the others until 9pm.

Ah, what a lovely party!

Friday Morning

Good morning,

I was very sick through the night again.

More and more the only way out is to return to the only peace and comfort I ever knew, the streets.

I know out there, after a week or so of settling down, I would sleep peaceful and wake without pain or sickness, wouldn't it be awesome?
This flat and the life I built here as the Church of England have continued to harm me, has been a pipe dream and has left me vulnerable to them and their attacks, slanders of me in my community, police beatings etc etc, and I do not feel safe here, the fact I have lost my ESA contributes to the reality that I cannot stay, well I cannot afford the rent and food, and even without rent to pay, I wont be able to afford food.

Out on the streets I eat from bins and am free from the murderous church of England.

Going Home:

I woke at night and you were there,
standing quietly,
'come back' you said
I felt the pain and fever and sadness go

I got up and looked round at the flat
this illusion of home
and I picked up my backpack,
my tears soaked your shirt and then you went

I followed you back to my home
the only joy I have ever known
the heat and sickness were gone
and I slept under the stars again

love is a word I scarce know
but love for you and the life we knew
are real
so it is time to come home

to the starlit sky and the cold and dark
the firelight in the dark
washing in cold water and eating from bins
and sleeping like a child in your arms

Thursday, 28 August 2014


Good evening,

Well last night I was very sick during the night and have had a very difficult day, I didn't really recover from last night and couldn't go to art class or collect my bike.
I went to the doctor and the pharmacy and even walking up there was too much.

Wednesday, 27 August 2014

Wednesday Night

Good evening,

I am sitting wrapped up in my fleecy wrap thing, having come home wet and tired half an hour ago.

I got my washing dried earlier and got it in before the bad weather.

The weather was due to turn bad when the carnival started, and it did.

I went out and photographed the judging parade, it has been a low energy day for me, and when I have a low energy day, overspending on energy leaves me in overdraft, so I became so tired during the photography session that I had to stagger home and rest for an hour, I had several cups of tea and some nuts and crackers to try and boost my energy, then I went back out.

I sat on the wall waiting for the procession to come back round, but then my energy went up, so I walked round to meet the parade and get photos.
All those poor people on the floats were wet and cold, some, especially the children, had umbrellas, and the show went on.

Afterwards I walked down to the beach.

The good thing about beach fireworks is that there is always loads of room on the beach, so I walked down to the tide line and got great photographs of the fireworks lighting up the beach and the sea.

Everyone was very wet, including me, but it was worth it.

I came home, I will sleep well, but I am worried to get up in time for art class in the morning.

Wednesday Afternoon

Good afternoon,

Well today my home is tidy.
The day started with a problem with the rubbish going out as no one had done the recycle bins.

Anyway, I put the washing on and took my bike to Al because the chain and gears are still an issue.
I will collect the bike tomorrow afternoon.
Then I walked down to the sea to get some stormy weather pictures as it is so windy.

I hoovered and mopped the flat and generally tidied it, hung the washing out, went for another seascape photography session, did chicken sandwiches for lunch and am watching kickass and doing my art homework, I am doing ships and seascapes today.

The weather is looking bad for this evening's carnival but I hope it will be ok and I will do photography if possible.

Wednesday Morning

Good Morning,

Last night I went out to deliver a letter and came back via the cliff path, it was nice to walk in the dark, now that the nights are growing longer, and shallow constant surf was hitting the shore below, I climbed carefully down the cliff and walked home along the front.

I slept a long night and dreamed a lot, running and escaping mainly. Funny how the gangsters who I run from and defend myself from in real life are the church of england.

This morning I am tired and in slight pain, so I am waiting for it to ease as the sea is roaring, I want to drop my bike to Honest Al and go down to get sea photos.

The sky is grey, will tonights moonlight carnival go ahead?

Tuesday, 26 August 2014

Tuesday Evening

Good evening,

I went through the rain to my haircut, I do not like haircuts but nonetheless, they are a necessary weevil so I went.
I came back and plodded on with some stuff and went to the post office to send something to me pal.
Came home and watched KickAss, my old favourite that my friend in Jersey took me to see, she and I had so much fun playing at being Kickass and Big Daddy, in a child-like way, not a kinky way! :)

Anyway, so here I sit, and it is still raining, so I will put the washing on, hoover, maybe have a bath.

I have not swum for a few days due to the weather and I am not biking due to the bike needing the gears and chain examined and adjusted.

I have hardly looked for work, but, branded by the diocese and in the state I am in, I am unlikely to get a job, so no ESA is a bit of a problem.

Tuesday Morning

Good morning,

Yesterday evening the wind and rain were howling and I walked down to the sea, it was still foaming and roaring but the tide was going out so it was not as much fun.

I had a slightly better night, vivid and sad dreams but I woke at 6am and got up, I am sitting in bed watching 'Airplane!'.

There are dark clouds outside.

I have a haircut at 10am, the dreaded but necessary haircut, my hair gets so thick and messy.

Monday, 25 August 2014

Monday Afternoon

Good Afternoon,

Well it has been a quiet bank holiday.

I was working quietly all morning and then walked down to the sea, the rain was lashing down and the sea was full of huge foamy waves.

I walked along the High Street, the streets and the beach were so quiet in the weather. Then I came home.

I can hear the sea roaring, so I may go back out in a while.
Earlier there were a few paddleboarders and surfers out.

Bank Holiday Monday Morning

Good morning,

Well it is nearly lunchtime actually.

I had another troubled night and woke up late.

It is a grey and rainy day, and when I looked out my window at 3am, it was a rainy night.

It makes a change, and I would like to go out for a walk later :) I like rain.

Sunday, 24 August 2014

Sunday Night

Good evening,

Well this afternoon there was a festival of sorts in town, I went along and did photography and staggered home exhausted.
I had to sleep for a few hours and it was shallow, troubled, daytime sleep.
I woke this evening and have been working ever since, and it is nearly midnight now.
I had an ovaltine and am ready for another sleep.

Sunday morning 2

Good morning,

I have just been for my swim in a cool calm sea, no one else was swimming but people were on the beach.

I was heading home in my wet beach clothes when a load of church people went past on foot or in cars and waved.

I bet they got to church and said 'That girl, out playing in the sea on The Lord's Day!'

I doubt they did, because it is a long time since I left the Church of England, and no-one else is as judgemental.
I did feel a bit sad when my friends waved hello from their new car though, they are fun to talk to, I will see if there is an evening service, but I had such a rough night that I don't want to battle with church this morning, ie, flashbacks would be likely, they have been bad recently.

What I want to know is, who from Jersey has landed on my blog searching for 'Mike Bowron, Gameshow Station'?

The Gameshow Station is on Rougue Bullion if you are looking for it.  And Mr Bowron is dazzling and deceiving his audience from there, ok?

Sunday Morning

Good morning,

I had another rough night and woke at 5am and then was in and out of sleep and nightmares, mainly about my family.
I feel lazy and tired, I am in bed with the laptop on a tray.

I have had a few cups of tea, and I think I will get up and go and have a swim before the early sunshone goes.

I don't want church today, well maybe this evening, but I don't see church as an every sunday thing any more, there is church in the week, vigil mass, and besides some of the biggest snobs, abusers and nasty people I have ever known think Church on Sunday is essential and it does not change them, so why should someone destroyed and condemned by the church feel the need to religiously attend when it causes flashbacks and anxiety? No offence to my lovely church people who are always kind and welcoming.

Saturday, 23 August 2014

Saturday Evening

Good evening,

I went on the bus to the supermarket and did a shop, the shopping was heavy and it put strain on my knee, which is now being awkward.

I came home and put the shopping away and did a clearout of some rubbish and paperwork, clearouts are always satisfying.

I had a walk down to the shore, did some sunset photos, and came home to watch movies.

My friend texted to say they hope to come and see me next week.

The nights are cool and smoky, autumny, lovely, I need to think about a thicker duvet soon.

Saturday Morning

Good morning,

Last night I watched some Buffy and went to the shop for milk, the shop had no milk, only a load of drunks.
I also forgot to put the rubbish out again.
I had another disrupted night. Woke in the early hours and woke again late.
I took my bike to Honest Al, but he wasn't there although he normally is on a Saturday.
The chain problem must be the gears again. It will wait until Monday.

I went down to the road end wall, the tide was right in, and instead of being crowded, the beach there was quiet, one girl sunbathing.
I dived into a cool calm sea and swam, no one else was in that little section of sea.
I had a swim and a brief sunbathe and as usual the sun went behind clouds when it saw me! :)

I am home, I must put the washing on and go to the shop for milk, and put the rubbish out.

It was a lovely sunny morning but now it is clouded over.

Yesterday's post got a high number of viewers, if you were puzzled by me getting prescription slips  in the post, it's ok, just the normal stuff, they simply sent me repeat prescriptions with my appointment slip.

Friday, 22 August 2014

Friday Evening

Good evening,

Well it has been a slow day, mainly because I have not had much energy and the bike keeps losing it's chain.

I got a letter with a medical appointment and a bunch of prescriptions, and I went up to the pharmacy and also went to collect some vouchers that had been issued for me to get food and toiletries and things.

I got the vouchers and most of my prescription as they had been busy and run out of everything, so I go back next week for the rest.

I would have gone to the supermarket where the vouchers are for, but I missed a bus and they are one every hour and I was tired.

I have staggered round the block a few times, it is so hard to walk and I am so tired.

I didn't swim today at all, even though it was a calm sea.

Friday Morning

Good morning,

I had another troubled night, I looked up the symptoms online, as you do, night sweats and waking in the night. Especially as I am waking very hot even though the room is cool and the window is open on a cool night.
Well the internet suggested pregnancy, menopause, cancer, anxiety or fibromyalgia.
Well neither my anxiety nor fibromyalgia are worse than usual so it is a puzzle, and I know it's not pregnancy, and unlikely to be menopause.

Anyway, a lot of messages to catch up with this morning.
It is a cloudy morning and the temperatures have stayed around 20 by day and 10 by night recently, mainly dry and fairly calm.

Last night I did have a short bike ride, and came home to find some magazines from the neighbour on my doorstep. I never get around to reading them much but they make a change.

The chain came off my bike again, I think the bike likes me to get oily hands.

Thursday, 21 August 2014

Thursday evening

Good evening,

I don't like sleeping during the day but I get so tired now. So on the second attempt, I fell into a doze, I dreamed a lot about my sister, my sister a year older than me, who bullied me mercilessly throughout my childhood, she was in my dream, scornfully telling me that I owed her boyfriend rent for living at his house, and that he was going to get me, I replied that after facing a monster like the diocese of winchester I was afraid of no one.
It was a funny and vivid dream, the boyfriend in question was in prison last I heard, and I really did answer her that way in the dream, did say 'diocese of winchester'.
But I was glad to wake up, she is a miserable memory to me.
I don't miss my family, we were unnaturally created and forced to live together and I am healthier without them. They are none of them very kind or forgiving and prefer grudge, and that is bad for me.

I went down to the sea for a bathe but the water was choppy. I went in and waved jumped but it was not good swimming, so I sunbathed in the cool breeze and came home.

I am tired, so I wont have a bike ride this evening.

Thursday Lunchtime

Good lunchtime,

Well I slept the night until 5am, dreaming a lot, went back to bed. Dreamed some more, dreamed worried dreams about getting to art class on time.
Woke up, washed, dressed, ate, drank, grabbed art stuff and hurried out.
Got stopped by the lesser spotted landlady who I discussed the garden and art with, and then hurried to art class.

There was a collision on the high street as I cycled along, and when I got to art class I was told there was another collision out of town, a more serious one. So obviously it is collision season.

I struggled with art class as I was having flashbacks, but I produced some seascapes, I had done homework, which was 'draw anything' so I drew all my kitchen appliances. Well, whats wrong with that?

After art class I went to see what was reduced in the shop, I found fish and cheese cakes so I got them, there was a long que in the shop but everyone was being polite, so I let the man in a hurry go before me, and the lady in front of us also let him go first as he was from the cafe and they ran out of mushrooms.
And another man dropped his stick so someone picked it up because we are a polite town, just a little nutty.

When I got home, my landlady gave me tomatos from the greenhouse, and I cooked the fish and cheese cakes for lunch.

I do not really want a swim today, I will have a sleep first and see how I feel.

Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Wednesday Evening

Good evening,

Sitting here working quietly.

I biked along the bay and had a swim in a cold calm sea, plenty of people out, nice sunny day.
Came home, had a bath, washed the beach things, hung them out.
Got some work done.

Realised an hour ago I hadn't eaten since crisps and cucumber sandwiches at lunch time, had my bike ride and got fish pie and cake at the shop on the way home and did supper.

I am just watching Buffy, I am tired so I will sleep soon.

Wednesday Morning

Good morning,

Well I went to bed by 10pm and slept, woke at 3am and had to get up and drink juice and resettle.
As a result, I overslept.
The problem with this waking in the early hours is that I either get up when I wake and get tired later, or I go back to sleep and oversleep.

Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Tuesday evening

Well I have been too tired today, I am just finishing watching Buffy and then to bed,
I have had an evening bike ride and got a photo of a rainbow in a storm out to sea.

Tuesday Afternoon

Good afternoon.

I biked up to the cliffs but it was busy up there, I came down to the reserve and left my clothes on the wall and swam in a cold calm sea.
It was quite busy on the beaches but not many people were in the sea where I swam.
I was so tired that I was not sure if I should swim, but it was refreshing.

I came home, rinsed the beach clothes and hung them out, had a bath and washed my hair, and cleaned the flat within an inch of it's life.

I had another parcel, this one was by parcel force.

It is a sunny day with clouds wandering about.

Tuesday Morning

Good morning,

Last night I went out on my bike, got a few photos, the bay was full of ships and there was a hobie cat out as well.
Then I went to the shop for bread, and it was actually almost cold as I was wearing a teeshirt, almost autumn now! :)

I didn't have a very good night as I was in pain when I tried to sleep, I slept to 4am and woke feeling hot and sick, so I got up, had something to drink and adjusted everything and went back to bed, lots of vivid dreams occured.

I woke this morning feeling tired, and I still feel tired.
A parcel of reports arrived in the post.
I got the washing in, dry, but the beach clothes wont be dry for long.

It is still fairly sunny here so I will go for a swim despite my tiredness.
I am not fit for work really, even though I am off ESA, so I am not sure how I will live now, I just will.

Monday, 18 August 2014

Monday Evening

Good evening,
Excuse the lack of update.
Last night I had a bike ride down to the bay.
I slept through the night but woke tired and late, and have been very busy writing letters, running errands in town and eventually by 1pm I realised I hadn't eaten today and was going hypo, so I went in the leisure centre and sat by the poolside cafe with a sausage roll and a pot of tea and watched the swimmers and thought about how I really wanted to go in and swim, and it wont be long before I swim there again as the weather and seas turn cold and ruff.

So, I biked along the cliff path, I so often forget the cliffs and how I lived there but it is so beautiful up there, and I went and dived into the sea and had a swim.

Then I came home, bathed, put the washing on, did the housework, did some shopping, did tea and am watching Buffy.

Sunday, 17 August 2014

Sunday Lunchtime

Good lunchtime,

I had a bath, washed my hair and showed up at church clean and human for once.

The service was good, although I had a near panic, a near asthma attack from perfume, and was also nearly sick.

Afterwards it was great to chat to people and then I went shopping.
I got antihistamines and batteries from the chemist, and teabags and a roast ready meal from the shop, then I came home, did my lunch, and it is so very tempting to go back to bed, but I will try not to.

It is a cool, cloudy and breezy day.

Sunday Morning

Good morning,

Well I slept through yesterday morning and into the afternoon.
Woke still unwell.
Did the basics of housework and got the washing in.

Sat and typed letters and watched some movies.

In the evening I had a short bike ride up to the bay, it was nice to be out, I sat on the wall, there was a lone paddleboarder, a few coasters out on the bay and a big cargo ship.

I went to bed late to make sure I slept, and I did, soundly all night.
Now I am awake and I will have a bath and wash my hair before church. it will be nice to turn up looking awake and human for once.

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Saturday, 16 August 2014

Saturday Morning

I woke with fever, chills, vominting and generally unwell.
I think we will write today off as a day.
I wish I was well enough to go back to sleep.

Friday, 15 August 2014

Friday Evening

As the physical illness eased off this evening as cortisol levels drop, the flashbacks and distresses increased, which is as bad as being physically ill if not worse.
It is so wonderful that so many supportive people were online and kindly supported me.

I am very tired.

Friday Afternoon

Good afternoon,

Well I have really been unwell today, uncomfortable yesterday, really sick today.
This illness ignores painkillers, ignores any meds, wont let me sleep when I just want to sleep.

Nonetheless, I sat in bed with the computer and got on with this and that. I am not doing Jersey questions and answers today, but when the post arrived, it arrived with a parcel of beautifully clear trascripts.
And also a small amount of money, so I dressed and went to the shop.

I am sitting at the table, I have eaten a meal and read the local paper, which has no suitable jobs for my very limited scope. And I will shortly take a tepid bath, baths sometimes help, heat does not, it makes it worse, so a cool bath will be nice.

There is no swim and no bike ride today, a walk as far as the corner shop was my limit today.

At lest it is cool and cloudy, with forecast tempertaures dropping towards autumn, a joy to think about, although autumn is when holidays end and the church of england probably relaunch to destroy me forever.

Friday lunchtime

Good lunchtime,

Well yesterday I cycled 10 miles looking for and applying for work.

Today I am in bed, in a neck brace and with the usual vomiting and painkillers.

Gah, this returning to work is a tough idea.

Thursday, 14 August 2014

Thursday Afternoon

Good afternoon,
well with the flat cleaned within an inch of it's life, I was going out to get the washing in before the rain and take the rubbish out and then go down to the post office.
I got a bit diverted.

I have mentioned the special needs art centre before? And for some reason I was brave enough to lock my bike outside and go in, I was greeted warmly and put at ease. I was registered, and I did my first art session, ever.

As you may know, I work well with art therapy, even though I have no skill. I grew up without going to school and was thus not taught art, as neither of my parents knew any art.
When I went to college and ever since, I have not had money or time for art materials, and thus have never even learned the basics. I like drawing, doodling, and the little cartoons that helped me to learn to communicate, but although I am a great fan of art and the artist community, I never had a chance to do art.

So, here we have an easily accesible SEN Art centre, and so I have finally gone in and registered as at the moment I am not meeting my socializing side of care management and I have always wanted to learn art and never knew if I had any ability.

I learned something interesting about me and art.

Well we started with basics, with a teacher trained in learning difficulties, who has other autistic clients.
She got me drawing lines and shapes, and found that I consistently slant everything a certain way. She asked about my learning difficulties, and fascinatingly, I slant everything a certain way because I have learning difficulties, this is the same as my balance problems, it affected me in the TA and has affected me in many areas of life without me being able to explain why, and now it all makes sense!

The art teacher said it is possible to workon correcting the slant, and she has other clients and a daughter who has similar problems.

Ok, so I lean to the right, I always thought only men had this issue.

Anyway. So we discussed what I am interested in and I like animals and landscapes, so I started drawing animals after doing the basic jugs and cups and things. The plan is for me to start using some of my photography to draw from, and it is interesting because I thought, I can end up drawing some of the things I photograph, a bit like how I enjoy riding a bike even though I used to have a car.

Anyway, I enjoyed my morning, I am not destined to be a great artist but my aims on the SEN sheet are 'to occupy myself, be creative, socialise and have fun' or something. It's the doing, not the outcome.

So, home and I warmed a chicken and bacon pasta bake for lunch and I will go to bed and sleep for a while.

This morning's Jersey question and answer was tough, I went back into the deepest darkness, to where it all really went wrong, and yet this time someone was with me, holding a lantern to shine light and guide me through the darkness and back home.

Thursday Morning

Good morning,
it is 6,10am and the sun is rising. It is rising over the cliff behind me and making  my room glow. I got two sunrise pictures but now my camera is out of battery.

I still have trouble getting to sleep, especially getting my neck comfortable and because my neighbour tends to bang the doors, which means I wear ear plugs which is uncomfortable, also I dread sleep because I dread the dreams, and dread waking up to a world in which I am condemned.

Nonetheless, I woke to a lovely sunrise, and the money being in so I could put the rent through.

I also woke to various things online, including a rather worrying wordpress email message, it just said 'Letter to Bishop Dakin 2, needs moderation', well I wondered who had complained, but it was a comment on the letter to Bishop  Dakin that needed me to moderate it, and it was a nice comment.

So, I did that, and was amused by the blog feed, someone looking for the daily blog had typed in something like 'Friday morning, Friday Evening, Saturday Morning, Saturday evening' etc.

Anyway, I am just finiding my way out of the grogginess and considering rather a challenging bike ride up to the supermarket. I may not do it, I may instead bike down to the High Street and just go to the Post Office to get some money. I have very little left over from the rent but at least I can get some basics.

Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Wednesday Evening

Good evening,

Earlier I got reduced pizza at the shop, then I biked down to the reserve and left my bike there and climbed over the sea wall for a swim.
Once through the fierce breaking surf, the sea was calm with a large swell, so it was good swimming and good jumping, I had a good all over exercise and swim, a lot of people were about but only a few, mainly kids, having a swim.

I have done the cleaning and have been writing, answering questions, and did another photo project.

I have also had my bath and an evening bike ride and am about to hang the beach clothes out.

Wednesday Morning

Good morning,

Well last night I had my bike ride and then I was watching Buffy.
I failed to answer Jersey questions because I could not even remember because it was too dark.
I guess now as I prepare to be killed by the murderous church and their cover up conflicted reports, it is a good time to go back, remember, and regain the parts of my soul left in the dark in Jersey.

The flat is tidy, and I must have a bike ride soon. It is a warm fine day.

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Tuesday, 12 August 2014

In the wave!

I went for my bike ride, and got some wave photos. I am not really well enough to be playing with waves and bikes but anyway.

Yes, taken right in a massive wave as it came over, this is the sea you see! 

Tuessday Lunchtime

Good lunchtime,

I slept the night but woke late.

I struggled to get up and sort myself out, and eventually went to get my bike off Honest Al.
Honest Al had kindly found spare parts and fixed the bike for nothing, which is very kind of him, I think he know I have little money, so that means I now have £5 for food for today and tomorrow that I was saving for the bike.

I took the bike for a ride round the block, the tide is high and the waves are crashing, so I am going to go back with my camera soon.
I must remember, bike riding is a sport, and especially in the wind I need my inhaler, I came home gasping for breath.

I have answered some more questions about my story. It really helps me to do that.

Monday, 11 August 2014

Monday Afternoon

Well this morning I took the bike down to Honest Al and he said he would fix it for a £5. So I left it with him.
I came back and I was locked out again because I had taken the bike keys not the house keys.
My neighbours were keeling over laughing, but I felt so tired, I wanted to lie down in the garden and sleep.

I really am not well today, I have the chills but I am clammy like in the old days when I used to train hard and faint and vomit. I feel sick sometimes now, but I am sleepy like the usual illness where I don't really wake up, but my arms and legs are shaky and achy too. Like a real bad relapse.

Anyway, I struggled up to the post office to get the last of my money out and then I got some food and teabags and walked along the very splashy seafront, hug waves leaping over the wall, but I am too tired to enjoy it.

Oh, I know about bidets now, it is for washing one's posterior in.

The NHS symptom checker either tells me to call an ambulance or go to A&E, but I have had enough of the NHS wasting my time and me wasting their time, so I think I will go to bed.
It is 2pm and I am going to bed, I hate this sickness, and knowing I will not get better or ever be properly helped medically.
The NHS symptom checker is a freak show, the NHS go on about people wasting A&E time but their symptom checker causes that to happen.

Monday Morning

Good morning,

It is monday morning and I woke at 7.15am.
I think I am not too well, I feel dizzy and tired and I want to go back to bed.
I was having such sad dreams, I dreamed I was at college but I was struggling because of the way the church are killing me and I am waiting to be killed by their conflicted reports, but I couldn't tell the tutor, so I was struggling and did not bring the right pens and paper, and the guy next to me lent me pens and paper, and I couldn't work out the maths that the work started with, it was not a maths paper, we had to do some maths to lead into something else, and I couldn't do it, and the guy was trying to let me copy his, but the tutor came round and was dissapointed in my work and then it was all social services and police and everything was so awful.

I woke feeling upset and sad that the reality is that the diocese are going to kill me with their cover up reports done against me, excluding me, done by people on the side of the wrongdoers, and no one at all will step in and save me, I am tired of waiting in distress and voiceless for my death.

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Sunday, 10 August 2014

Sunday Night

Good evening,

I am sitting in my bed with my computer.
I had another short walk to the sea earlier but the tide was right out and boring, and I had forgotten the memory card for the camera.
I struggled home, very low on energy, and did some writing.

I decided eventually to have a warm bath, warm not hot, to see if that helped as it sometimes does.
Sadly I managed to lock myself out of the flat in my pyjamas, dont ask how!
I had a plate to return to the neighbour, ok? So I went and gave her the plate, and asked if she could phone the landlady! :) Thankfully the landlady lives very close by and was home, so I got let back in and we all laughed and the neighbour had needed to talk to her anyway and so we all talked, and I told them woefully about my bike too. Not having a good time at the moment, but at least I didn't have to sleep in the garden in my jamas. Bad enough being deported in them! :)

Anyway, so I have been just quietly doing this and that.

Bed time.

Sunday Afternoon

Good afternoon,
Well I walked down to the sea again but the tide had gone out, so the waves were not crashing over the wall any more.
The waves were still huge, and the sun was out, so I got some more pictures.
There were some surfers out, getting wiped out more than being able to stand.

I went to the shop and got dinner.

My energy ran out, it was low last night and I was in bed by 9pm, although I was lying awake for a long time, and from waking up this morning, my energy has been too low, too low for even the two walks I have now done, and now I am back in bed, very tired.

The regatta had to be cancelled.

I think I will sleep or watch movies until high tide and then get more sea pics.

Sunday Lunchtime

Good morning,

Another night troubled by distress over the church, but I slept.
Woke this morning to the howling wind and pouring rain, drank a cuppa and hurried to the sea to photo the waves crashing over.
The poor cafe people had lost their deckchair stacks to the crashing waves and were looking mournfully over the sea wall, one was nervously attempting a rescue but it was too dangerous.

It was supposed to be the regatta today. I doubt we will get much regatta at all.

Saturday, 9 August 2014

Saturday Evening

Good evening,

Well I had a bath and put the beach clothes out on the line.
The sunshine was chased away by grey clouds.
Tomorrow is Regatta day here and the forecast is awful. I dunno If it will be worth a photoshoot.

I went out on my bike but sadly the gear cogs went wrong and the bike is now out of order, thankfully I was only a mile and a half away, but the bike is hashed up for now, very sad indeed, my new mobility is gone, and I can take it to Honest Al on Monday but I can't afford it, it will be a major repair.
The poor only get second hand things that are hit and miss. Nah, I will see what Al says.

So, bad weather heading in and bike broken.

Anyway, the one thing that is helping, although it is storring memories, is that someone is asking questions about what happened to me, and I am answering.
I have needed someone to do this for years, the only person questioning me previously was Bob Hill, and his questioning was harsh and brutal and he would only question me about police and court, things too traumatic, and Bob himself was being like a policeman when he did that.
I really just needed someone to hear the full story.

Satuday Afternoon

Good afternoon,

Well last night the rain continued as I went to sleep.
I slept badly and woke in the early hours, I refuse to keep getting up when I wake, but I was hot an uncomfortable so I put the fan on, drank some fruit squash, took a dose of inhaler and went back to bed, I slept again and woke this morning.

I got up, it is always nice to wake up to a clean tidy flat, so I made tea and toast, and looked at the internet.
I got my first questions about my story, so I answered questions.
It is so liberating to be asked and to put things into words!

It was warm and sunny outside so I went and got my dry washing off the line, then I put my beach clothes on and cycled down to the cliff, but it was very busy down there and the waves were huge, so I cycled up the bay and had a swim there. The waves were still huge, some of them tearing waves with foam running off them, only the brave and the wetsuits and watersports were out in the sea.
It was warm sunshine but a strong cold breeze. I had a good swim and a sunbathe and then came home.

That's the last of the swimming for a few days while the storms come tracking in.

Friday, 8 August 2014

Friday Night

Good evening,

Well earlier I put the recycling out and took the rubbish to the skip and went to the shop, it was pouring with rain so I didn't put the washing out then.
I got a bit wet in the rain on my bike, but that is ok, I suffer from hyperthermia most of the time so anything that brings my temperature down is great, although I do get people making a big fuss about me being out without a coat and things.

I got home and did supper. Then I read the paper and did the hoovering and mopping and finished the photo collage.

The flat is clean and tidy, and although it is still raining, I have put the washing out, as the rain is due to stop and wet washing in the flat is not good for my lungs. I think the washing will be dry tomorrow as there is due to be a fine period before the storms really move in. We have had some thunder this evening. But I am revelling in the rain and wind, it brings the temperature down to bearable for me.
I am hoping to live to see the autumn as it isn't long now, and maybe some winter :) I always rejoiced in each winter I lived to see on the streets after the church destroyed me, because I didn't expect to survive long at all.

Some of yesterday's bike ride

Friday Evening

Good evening,

Well I woke this morning without much pain or grogginess.
I wandered into life and drank tea, grumped that the sugar had run out, dressed and got some sugar from the shop.
I am concerned I have an allergic reaction every time I go in the local shop, no idea why. It is sudden and scary, an asthma attack of sorts triggered by some chemical, not panick.

Anyway. I got home, had tea with sugar, biked down to the reserve, left the bike there and climbed over the sea wall and had a swim.
It felt strange swimming in a new place, but it was a nice calm but full sea, good for a swim. It has been a grey cloudy day and although the beaches are populated, they are not quite as busy as they would be in the sun.

I came back, had a bath, wrote a letter, and a kind person checked the letter and suggested a few additions to it, so I added that and biked up to the post office to send it and get some stamps and then I spoke to someone at a charity shop that I want to work at. Then I had a quick bike along the front and home.

I swapped 'Dukes of Hazzard' for 'Angela's Ashes' and have been watching that as I have been cleaning and tidying the flat. Very different films.

The flat just needs a hoover and mop, and I am just waiting for the linens to finish washing so I can put them out when I take the rubbish and recycling out, and then I will go and get the local paper and something for supper, I will go by bike of course :)

Oh, I have been working on a photo collage, super! :) I am hoping my friends will like it when they get here, not sure what day they are coming over yet, but we are gonna have a great time, and hopefully get some more photos then too!

Thursday, 7 August 2014

Thursday Night

Good evening,

Well I struggled to life this morning with very little hope.

At midday I set out on a long bike ride experiment, a bike ride into the big town 8 miles away.

Almost all of the journey is along a cycle track, but I had to find the track first, it is the other side of the estate the other side of the main road.

So, I got to the cycle track and off I went. Some of the time the bike was freewheeling, sometimes it was hard to pedal and I felt tired, but it was generally a smooth, problem-free ride, with lots of other cyclists and walkers around, so I had to work out what was the best thing to do in passing people and letting people by and things. It can be like a racetrack, you overtake, they overtake, etc.
Sometimes I felt like the lad in 'Goodnight Mr Tom' wobbling nervously along.

But the bike surprised me, I am not fit, but the bike is fast, and I overtook people.

To be honest, the bike is a bit awesome. People see it and go 'oh a Raleigh!' cos now that is special, whereas when I was a kid, we all had Raleighs, that was the norm.
This is a sturdy raleigh with 15 gears and it goes like Herbie.

I stopped a few times for water and inhaler. And I got a few pictures.
At one point there was a derelict railway station, because the cycle track is the old railway line, so I stopped for a break, and a lady was selling water and cakes, so I got a bottle of water for 50p as I had run out.
Eventually I reached town, so that was half a successful new venture, and to my delight, the cycle track ended at KFC, so I had my lunch there.

It did feel funny, sitting in KFC in town without having been on the bus, and looking at my bike locked outside. A bit of a big change to my brain's usual tracks, so it has to adjust.
Anyway, I had a wander in town, got £10  and got phone credit.
And headed back, wondering if it was going to be an ordeal as I was tired and had forgotten to take any asperin (thins blood, helps heart), as, in this warm weather and suddenly exercising a lot, I am more at risk, and the symptoms begin with a headache.

Anyway, I picked up speed on the way back and made a good journey, never exhausted.
I stopped a few miles from home because I have had a bad few weeks and I need my Mother. So I phoned my friends and they are hoping to come and see me.

I got home, tired and hot, and had a rest, tempted to go to bed, but decided not to upset my sleeping pattern even more.
Eventually I hung the washing, put the rubbish out and had a cycle round the block instead of a walk.
It is so tempting to just keep going though, so much easier than walking.

Here I am, ready for bed and sleep. I am in pain from the bike ride, but at least I can get to places now.
And it keeps me away from increasing sudden allergic reactions to perfume and aftershave as well as helping me to get strong and fit, well, I dunno about that but I can ride a bike, and that is good.

Thursday Morning

Good morning,

Well I slept a long night and dreamed over and over of my impending destroyal by the diocese.

It seemed like I dreamed this all night until this morning.

This morning I was dreaming about  my family, we were young again and I was with the others, we walked through waste grounds and derelict shops.
Then I was homeless again, but managing well and with kind people reaching out to me, but another family were disrupting my life because they were homeless but weren't coping well, so I went and got them some of my blankets and things, 

Then I was back with my family, and I told them I was going to ride my boke, but the bike cables and everything broke and I was sad, and there was a song playing called 'daylight fading' wich my sister had played a lot, she said it was about suicide, and in my dreams I was crying for her because I had supported her through years of troubles and then she had turned her back on me because of the Jersey struggles.

At least I woke uo.
I hope that death will not be a long sad dream.

Wednesday, 6 August 2014

Wednesday evening - bike

Wow, I can ride a bike, I can move, I can leave the little square of land that I can barely hobble round, I have been up new roads, to new places, so fast, so easy. A few wobbles and quite nervous of the traffic but wow, a whole new world as my life fades, a world like before, when I could move. Bike goes very fast and often goes on it's own very fast with me not doing anything, it is almost too fast for me, and I have to be alert about traffic and pedestrians, but bike gets me out of the crowds of grockles, it makes me go very fast.

I first learned to ride a bike when I was 7, a bit later than my siblings, my first bike was from a skip, I don't remember much about it, but learning to ride this bike reminds me more of learning to ride my motorbike when I was 21. Slightly wobbly and nervous, trying to remember the rules of the road, when I have been stuck in a world of hobbling and restriction for so long.
I hope tomorrow I am not in too much pain because I just want to go out on my bike forever, rage against the dying light and bikebikebike. And then watch my trains video

Good evening,

Well no supported employment, because I am not in a fit state.
But, bike.
Honest Al has fixed the bike up a treat.
I had my first bike ride,
round the block, it felt funny, and vulnerable.
I did ok, the block that I cycled is the block I walk, very level and easy.
Hard to get through all the grockles though.
3 weeks of grockles left.

I had a brief swim.

Monday, 4 August 2014

Monday Lunchtime

A rough night, a tough journey,
and the beautiful Channel Islands,
my heart broke.

I am tired now, all I want is my trains video and to suck my thumb and drify.
This is the trains video:

One thing I missed too much when I was in Jersey, was my railway and my trains.
The Southern line runs through my heart and nothing will ever replace it.

Although the first sight of Jersey this morning also stopped my heart, pity we had to wait at Guernsey so long.

Sunday, 3 August 2014

Sunday Night

Sunday Night,
Just spotted the error in the previous post, I have been making that error a lot, due to two similar names.

I went for a swim earlier, it was very crowded on the beach, I swam by the wall, got puzzled by the lifeboat being out and so close to swimmers.

Came home and had a bath, rinsed the beach clothes, got on with work, hung the clothes out, went for a walk put the rubbish out, cleaned the flat, continued work and talked to another church survivor for some hours, also continued more work until now, and I am exhausted now.

Sunday Afternoon

Good afternoon,

Well I crawled into bed at midnight, slept solidly until 10.30am this morning.
Dreamed strange vague dreams.
Woke and felt reasonably ok and have mainly been working on the 'Free Melanie Shaw' case.
I did Fish Pie for lunch.
I will go and have my swim soon.

Amendment, I keep putting 'Melanie Newman' instead of Melanie Shaw, I think I will always make that error.
Especially as I am trying to get my file from storage.

Saturday, 2 August 2014

Saturday Evening

Well it has been a funny old day.

Last night repeated efforts to go to sleep failed, so I stayed up all night, it is funny, it is always weekend nights, usually Fridays, that sleep is impossible, and I would say that it could be because of drunk people making a noise, but I do not always hear them as I try to sleep.

Anyway, so I was up all night, but it wasn't a wasted night, I got a lot done.
I will possibly post a list of things I did at the end of this post.

When I went out my door early this morning, the neighbour had put a note on my door, it said that she is baking and will leave a parcel of goodies, and did I want to borrow any DVDs? :)

Dawn started sometime between 5 and 6 and I walked down to the bay to watch the dawn, the sky was grey and cloudy and the breeze was cold and strong, refreshing, it was nice to watch the lights against the grey sky, but it was an ever so funny time.
Firstly there was a couple sprawled on the beach, fully clothed and chaste, watching the waves, dozing? But when they saw me, they scrambled up as if embarassed, and went away, I was puzzled. Maybe they had had a night of drinking and were a bit disorientated.
Then another funny thing was a whole family, man, lady and little children, all sleeping in a car.
Now we don't get car sleepers down here, and this was a family, and, I know how cold sleeping in a car can be, even in summer, and they didn't have the engine on, but they were all fast asleep, even the little baby.
Then there was a man feeding ducks on the reserve, but huge crowds of seagulls descended. This was just after 5am.
I think my little town is full of nutters, no wonder I get on so well here! :)

By 7am, I went down to the local shop to get the paper and some peanut butter for my toast.
Usually the shop does cashback, and I needed cash to get a weeks bus pass, but for some reason they would not do cashback this morning. So, a bit miffed as I wasn't walking well, I hobbled to the other shop, and it was the same, but on the high street, the lovely lady in the supermarket there let me get cashback, so I got my favourite shower gel, their own brand, £1 a big bottle, and got cashback and went and got the bus up to the big supermarket to do a proper shop!
The problem was, I had had a sudden alergic reaction in the local shop, it is usually someone's perfume or aftershave first thing in the morning, my lungs go haywire, so I was a bit coughy and wheezy.

I did the big, shop, and as usual forgot something, this time it was the decaf teabags, which are vital as I need tea to comfort me right up to bed time but the caffiene could affect my already disrupted sleep if I am not on decaf in the evening.

Anyway, I got home, put the shopping away, sorted the new flowers out, put the washing on, and went back to bed. It was raining heavily by then.
I slept from 10am to 1am, interestingly I sleep for 3 hours after a night without sleep, every time.
I dreamed a dream of war, I was on a clifftop and the savage army attacking were Christians, although they looked like African Warriors.
One came to me, and he was an African Warrior but he was also Ian LeMarquand, waving a gun, saying he would kill me and that I was to blame and had done wrong.
I laughed at him, told him I was not afraid and that his warriors were despicable, I hit the gun from his hand and pushed him over the cliff.
I remember the grotesque face with warrior paint, surprised and angry, and then he was gone, and I woke, and I woke thinking 'Wow!'.

Anyway, 1pm, I managed to pull myself out of the usual stupor and sickness quite quickly, I had a card to write and a  letter to print to go with it, so I did that, walked to the post office, I was planning on booking a haircut but I realised, I am ok with my hair for now.

Anyway, as I walked, I saw outside the second hand shop, a bike, a blue raleigh ladies bike, and as you know, I was unable to collect a bike I had been offered recently, so anyway, I went in and spoke to the people about the bike, it needs the tyres pumped or some punctures repaired, or possibly the tubes replaced, it also needed oiling and the back brake needs adjusting, but it is a good solid bike, simply neglected, so I bought it.
Wow, big step.
I walked home with this bike, I also got a puncture kit and pump but it has been a long time since I repaired punctures.
We have a bike store a few minutes walk away and they do cheap repairs and maintenance, so they will hopefully do the brake, and the tyres if I fail, and I need a lock, and then I will hopefully learn to ride a bike and adjust my injuries to it and see my muscles continue to regenerate as they are doing through swimming.

So, I oiled everything on this bike, which had been put for sale as it was sitting unused, nothing really wrong with it, and it is sitting by it's new home, waiting for me to get energy to do some more work on it.

I got the washing hung out apart from the beach clothes, which I put on wet, and went for a rather brief and risky swim as huge rough waves are pounding the shore, it is a bay of kite and wind surfers today.
I just wanted to get my spine and limbs to move and stretch as they will in the water but not on land.
At least despite the breeze, the sun is warm but not hot, this weather is much more pleasent to me.

So, home and considering my bath. Also trying to work on important letters and reports, not to do with my own case but someone else's.

This is some of what I did during the night while I couldn't sleep:

  • Discussed the plight of someone who's been deprived of their human rights
  • Discussed how to petition and who would support and be a lead name for the petition
  • Started preparing the petition,
  • collected articles relating to the petition
  • Contacted authors of articles
  • Contacted Amnesty
  • wrote a shopping list
  • looked for things needed for my case
  • made tea
  • worked through a number of emails and replies
  • tried to talk on skype with someone important but skype was acting up
  • Ordered materials I needed when my money came through at 2am
  • Worked on my new CV and printed it
  • dealt with the printer throwing a tantrum
  • Did some background employment work and created a file
  • Sorted out and tidied paperwork to do with my case
  • wrote a lengthy and important letter
  • more emails
  • Attempted my photo project but struggled because of a programme not working
  • Achieved my photo project
  • Washed up and put away
  • Did the daily blog and petition promotions
  • Did a brief research
  • Went for my walk

All in all a productive night and here I am awake and feeling ok and having achieved enough today, a three hour sleep was just fine.

Friday, 1 August 2014

Friday Night

Good evening,
The flat is clean, the rubbish out, and I have had a brief walk with my radio.
My neighbour kindly left some magazines for me, I don't often read women's magazines but I am quite happy to.
On twitter we are campaigning for vulnerable abuse victim Melanie Shaw, she has been imprisoned and is suffering, and there was no real case against her.
It reminds me of me, voiceless, imprisoned in Jersey, told by the woman elected to represent me that I was wrong and had no case.

There is a trend for abuse survivors to be imprisoned, villified and made out to be insane, since I became an activist, this year, I have spoken to and met hundreds of people who have been through similar, and it is horrifying, in this day and age, that abusers in power can keep doing this, unchecked.

Friday Evening

Good evening,

Well as ever, I get better as the day goes on. So the neck collar came off.
I did rice with butter for lunch,  I still felt hungry and craving tea, so I did a nutrient shake.

I had a bath, which usually helps me to feel better, and it did.

Then I looked for the emergency small change and also found a pound in the electricity cupboard. It is my pound that lives by the meter, so I am allowed it, so I took the small change to the post office, so in the end I had £1.95. So I went in the shop and got things from the reduced sections. A loaf of bread, a pack of lettuce, a bottle of milk and some sugar.
So I came home and dined on lettuce sandwiches and drank lots of tea.

I still feel rough, but a bit better.

I have at least made a start on the housework, washing up and picking up.

I have a lovely new follower on this blog, I can't work out how to follow her blog but I sent her a friend request.
I am back on skype due to a number of people asking me to skype recently, so I have overcome the technical issues.

The weather is cooler, and cloudy, which really helps me, I sat on the sea wall earlier and enjoyed the cool air.
a month to go before grockle season ends.

I started this blog in 2011 as I was like a ghost on the streets, unloved and unwanted, and I wrote myself back into the real world.
These days, this blog is a record of my life for when I am killed by the church's actions.
Keep this blog, remember it, this was a human life and voice.

Friday lunchtime

Good lunchtime,
I keep thinking it is Saturday.
Sadly I am not on work placement as arranged,
the church's latest petty squabbles in the press have left me ill, and so I am sitting here wearing my neck collar.
No swim, nothing today, I am not well. I hope to take the collar off soon though.
I have no sugar or teabags, or even any food, I will cook come rice from the emergency tub.

No bike, no work placement, it is a waste of time trying to rebuild my life as the church continue to attack me.