Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Saturday, 27 May 2017

Saturday

Good morning peeps,

I am just waiting for the weather to clear, we had crashing thunderstorms in the early hours and it is still a bit grey and wet out there. I guess I am also waiting for Melissa and Joey to be on, that made in chelsea rubbish is on, do people really watch such tripe? I will go to work at lunchtime. The lawns will have dried for mowing, and I will mainly be putting in bedding plants.

I haven't updated as I have been busy and working in the heat and then tired when I get home.

On Wednesday I had two lots of orders to collect from the garden centre, then I had six lawns to mow, but the heat was ferocious and I am not used to it, so I got too hot and finished work after that, I came home to finish my end of term paper and hand it in.

On Thursday I started with the cliff top garden and despite the sun, it wasn't too bad in the breeze up there. Then I headed along the long road to the next lot, the sun was shining and Capital was playing the best dance tunes and it was all very summery.

I went to meet the boss to look at some work he had for me, a big country house with sea views, beautiful gardens, and the family there were away.
So we discussed what work I would be doing, and then I headed off to my next job which was nearby.

Unfortunately the next house was suffering as a result of the wave of local power cuts, and the elderly gent was feeling most dismayed and bemused. He has a gas stove though, so his carer cooked him a meal before she left.

I managed to bump my head quite hard, I dropped the secateurs and went to pick them up and caught my head on the corner of an open window. I had an impressive lump on my head, the size of  half an egg. So I finished early there and had a break.

I went on to the next house, the little farm, there was no-one there and my instructions were to water, weed, and then put the ducks and geese away.
I was puzzled because the instructions said 'Hens sorted in the barn' but the hens were rampaging nortily around and trashing my neat digging rather than being sorted in the barn, so I wondered if this meant that someone else was putting the hens away later, as I had had two lots of instructions involving ducks and geese only.

Despite being exposed on the hill, the farm was enjoying a strong breeze that cooled it down, so I enjoyed being there alone in the silence, just the breeze and the sea and the fields and the hens muttering ominously in the hedge, I wanted to stay forever. The roadside produce stall was blowing away and I ingeniously fixed it and felt most proud.

I put the ducks and geese away, but I got worried about the hens, so I texted the people, even though they are away.
No answer, I headed home, leaving the hens, because I had no instruction as to how to put them away.
I thought I would have missed rush hour as it was now evening, so I was surprised at the traffic as I headed for town, until I saw the flashing lights, a multi-car crash, traffic was trying to squeeze through.

Once through the traffic, I was heading home at a good speed, but I was annoyed because the local radio was misreporting the crash and the traffic situation, and was trying to tell me that the road I was on was congested as I sailed through there and home.

Once I got home, the farm owners texted saying 'oops, the chickens shouldn't be out!' but they got someone closer to home to put them away, rather than me having to go back.

Yesterday I went to do this sub-contract work that the boss showed me. But it was in the full sun, so I got too hot, and I had to shower under the hose, yes I still do that, and then re-apply my sun block.

I worked there all morning and then headed into town for lunch and coffee of course. I needed coffee.

Then I had my new old lady for the afternoon. It was hard to persuade her that I didn't want to spend half an hour on tea and biscuits, I feel mean but I don't really like half an hour on tea and biscuits, especially when I am close to heat stroke.
Thankfully, as I got my work done, the other gardener, who does the lawns, turned up, he was dripping with sweat and very cheerful and he loves half an hour of tea and biscuits with the old lady, so he solved that problem.

So I headed home, and I am not supposed to spend money on myself while I am poor, but I got myself a DVD and a book. The DVD is 'Me before You' which I saw at the cinema with my mate, I liked it, so I have the DVD and I watched that when I got in from work, then Hollyoaks and Doc Martin were on TV but they were eclipsed by the film.
The book I got is called 'The Girl and the Ghosts' which sounds a bit like one of my book titles, it is another foster carer's account of a foster child.

I was tired last night and slept, and I woke unusually turned over with my head in a spare pillow, normally, thankfully I sleep still on my back with my head and neck supported, but I wasn't in pain.
I have been lucky this week, even the hard bump to my head hasn't made me ill, It is bruised and sore and during Thursday night I woke up for the loo staggering and feeling sick so I was worried but I was OK.
Last night we had thunderstorms but I was too sleepy to get up and watch them. I could hear them though as I drifted in and out of sleep.

This morning I am lazily reading my book and Mel and Joey just started, I will go to work around Midday for a while.






Wednesday, 24 May 2017

Wednesday

Good evening peeps,

The hot weather is making me ill, six lawns and two garden centre orders and a hedge.

And, one end of term paper handed in.

School is out for summer, lets go to Jersey.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=af9N7UhTMA8

Tuesday, 23 May 2017

Tuesday

Good evening peeps,

It has been a tough day, the Manchester situation was a shock, and I have worked hard at the holiday cottage, I haven't exactly had a migraine, just felt unwell.
The stress of being destroyed by the church is overwhelming and sometimes it feels like my brain will burst and I will end up like Bob or my dad, and unfortunately I probably will, as well as being genetically predisposed, the stress and harm and my health add to the likelihood, and I can physically feel the stress putting pressure on my brain.
I hope it is a clean and quick death if it happens, I don't want to hang around and be abused any more if I have  stroke that doesn't kill me.

I am so tired, as I have been recently, I need to put my mower ready for tomorrow but I am so tired.
I should be finishing my end of term paper, for what that's worth.

My thoughts are with the victims and families of the Manchester attack, and the poor lady whose concert it was, as she is devastated. I can't begin to imagine.


Manchester

I think I saw the breaking news yesterday but didn't realize how serious it was.

19 people, including children killed at a concert in Manchester. Now thought to be 22 killed and 59 injured.

A suicide bomber. But why kill children at a concert?
Why kill anyone?

I am lost for words.

My thoughts are with their families.

I hope that the other young people have been reunited with their families now.

A lot of people have worked very hard through the night to deal with the situation and rescue and reunite the survivors with families.

I used to be so dissociated that these things didn't reach me, but I have tears falling.

Why kill children? Why kill anyone?

Devastating.




Monday, 22 May 2017

Monday

Good evening peeps,

Phew what a day.

I have been working with the boss today, and the weather was HOT, not warm and I had a migraine by midday.
We got everything done, and done well, but it was an effort for me today, I am tired.

I don't know if my mate is bringing the ton bags here for me for tomorrow's work or not, he has moved to close to where I live, further away from the holiday cottage, and I am working there all day tomorrow. I am waiting for an answer from him about the bags.

Hollyoaks has been dramatic, I am just watching first look hollyoaks over again and then I must go shopping, and if I am not too tired I will carry on preparing my end of term paper for submission.

I still have a migraine, I hope it goes off. I am not used to such hot weather. And the weather is due to stay like this for two weeks.

I cannot believe that Hollyoaks keep killing their best actors, Stupid.

And that sock is still missing, I am having a tough time, peeps.



Nightmare

Just recording it before it is gone.
I dreamed I was back with the Lihous, it was very vivid, that is all you need for a nightmare. And I am glad it was only a nightmare.

In the nightmare I was back there in that depressing dead end village, the sky was grey and there was no-one there, all the houses were up for sale.
The Lihous appeared out of nowhere and took me with them to their empty house as if we were still friends but I knew something was wrong, I just couldn't remember what.

Their house was empty, no-one was there, but there were tea things there so I started making tea, the Lihous and their dog were in the background but I don't know what they were doing, there was packing and things all over the floor but I don't know where it came from, so I was making the tea and I knew that one cup had to be different but I didn't remember how and the sky was all grey outside but I was puzzled that I didn't want to go out like I usually did.

I woke up.
The nightmare will never be over really. The Church using harm to me by the Lihous. Trotmans, Montagues and others as an excuse for destroying and discrediting me without recording my side of things is a terrible thing, to destroy me publicly and to allow the Jersey Deanery to use these people against me is inexcusable.




Sunday, 21 May 2017

Sunday

Good evening peeps,

Well I slept reasonably well and woke a little late.
I got on with some writing, my end of term paper is due in this week and it is in complete draft form now.
I remembered to wash and dress and things before I set off for church through the lovely sunny morning.

Church was good today because they were making a day of it, so we had the service and then a massive huge lunch with loads of food in it and the best company in the world of course, and then another talk, and it was going to go on from there, but I had had to leave Max in a strange space because there were no spaces at church or nearby, so I excused myself at 2.30 and came home as I had so much to do. Everyone else will still be at church, but I need to avoid overdose of church, I cope very well with it these days but even today I was having flashbacks and still suffering the harm to me by the Church of England as I tried to worship.

I have been writing, and I forgot to put the bed linen wash on before I went to church, so it went on and out this afternoon, probably dry by now in this weather.

There is nothing fascinating on TV, and the sea is a rather boring low tide. So I am just writing some more.

Tomorrow I am working with the boss, probably, and it will be a hot sunny day on the seafront, so I will need my sun lotion as I am burned from just being out today.

This week is different because I have the holiday cottage to do before half-term visitors arrive, there are two half terms, as some of the Jersey readers will know, so it confuses me. But my old lady is away as well so I am doing the holiday cottage on Tuesday in time for the visitors and the other Tuesday work goes onto Wednesday. I have various things to get from the garden centre for several places as well.
Apart from that it is a normal week, but next week is another bank holiday! So work pushes forward again then.


Saturday, 20 May 2017

Saturday

Good evening peeps,

Well this morning I had a lie in, I was so tired last night but I woke up this morning without being sleepy.

I had a shower quite quickly, not my usual lazing about, and I got my washing in as it was dry.

Then I got on with writing. Which has been most of the day, as well as cleaning the flat.

Max has had a wash too.

Earlier 'The Parent Trap' was on, and then nothing for hours so the TV has been off and I turned it on to find that I had missed 50 minutes of 'Here comes the Boom'! Damn.
I love that film, I first saw it when I was sleeping rough and went into the cinema to get out of the cold. It is cool. It got crap ratings but I love it.

Tomorrow I think there is a social as well as church, so I expect to be out. But most of the weekend tasks here are done, there is just a lot of writing to do.

I think it is pizza for supper today.

The weather is looking warm for the week, I don't like it too warm. But work is fairly full-on.

I am very miffed that one of my work socks have gone missing, I have five pairs of work socks, one for each day of the working week, but one sock is missing and I am autistic so I miss that sock a lot.
Work socks are thick tough socks that go with my work boots, my leisure socks are thin cotton or fluffy house socks, no good for working in.






Friday, 19 May 2017

Friday

Good evening peeps.

Well today I went and worked hard at the care home.
After lunch I went to do my new garden, which was nice. There is a lot to do there but it is a nice garden.
The elderly lady likes her gardeners to stop for tea and biscuits after work, so it is a good thing that hers was the last garden on a Friday, tea and biscuits take half an hour and I have to pretend to like shortbread or shortcake or whatever that stuff is. She's a nice lady though.

Time was getting on as I made my way home. The chip shop on the way was too busy and I came home without any supper.

When I got home I climbed out of my work clothes (once indoors), which were stiff with the week's work and sweat, no, not really. But I put my clothes in the wash and put the wash on.

Then I showered, and then sprayed the wetroom with bleach and left it to soak.

Then I watched my Hollyoaks, First Look Hollyopaks ended way too shockingly.

Anyway. Then the washing was ready so I hung it out, and I soaked the wetroom off and dried it.

Then I went to the chippy on the seafront and got a steak and kidney pie and small chips. Have you ever heard of me eating a steak and kidney pie? It is rare but not unheard of.
The sunset and the lights on the seafront were pretty.

I came home and have been watching 'Are you being served' but now I am tired and it is bed time.


Thursday, 18 May 2017

This is from September last year, still applies now

I Sit alone in a dead world and I write

“I sit alone in a dead world. The wind blows hot and dry, and the dust gathers like particles of memory waiting to be swept away. I pray for forgetfulness, yet my memory remains strong, as does the outstretched arm of the oppressive air. It seems as if the wind has been there since the beginning of the nightmare. Sometimes loud and harsh, a thousand sharp needles scratching at my reddened skin. Sometimes a whisper, a curious sigh in the black of night, of words more frightening than pain. I know now the wind has been speaking to me. Only I couldn't understand because I was too scared. I am scared now as I write these words. Still, there is nothing else to do.”


Christopher Pike - Whisper of Death

Thursday

Good evening peeps,

I am writing with my eyes closed so excuse any smelling bistakes.

This morning was good weather for work on the cliff top for once!
I worked well, I got two cups of tea.

Then I had a flying lunch and wee break.

Then I went to work for the mansion. I worked hard there but heavy rain showers started wandering nortily around, and when they became very wet and rainy all over me and my work, I had done a lot of work, so I came home.

The rain has continued. Even though the ground is already soft and diggable again and the drought is over.

I will never forget the drought spring, well I won't live long enough to forget it.

I haven't done much this evening, mainly watching television.


Wednesday, 17 May 2017

Wednesday

Good afternoon, peeps,

I am rained off.

Yesterday was a quiet day but I was very depressed, I got my work done, my old lady was happy as she was off on holiday and I have got her garden looking nice and built her a compost heap. She was going on holiday to a place that I know, and she will be away next week so I am going to see if I can fit the holiday cottage in next week, when is half-term? I can't do it during half term.
Anyway, then I went and did my mate's garden, he was out but he emailed later to say thanks.

Today I tried to work but I was rained off, I did go and assess the new garden and I have taken that on, I will do that on Friday. The farm, the one I didn't get rid of, didn't need any work this week so they are next week and they said they passed my details to a friend who may need a gardener.

It is raining, I don't mind apart from being rained off, but I am so depressed and so damaged by what the Church have done to me, and that affects my whole life.


Tuesday, 16 May 2017

Tuesday morning

Hey peeps,

No blog yesterday as I was tired.
I had a really bad night Sunday night and did a heavy day's work in the rain yesterday.

My workmate had to go and do another job and so it was me and the boss and the trainee on the estate, but worse, no ride on mower, just one push mower without a drive, I did most of the mowing and I thought I was going to be ill.
The trainee we have now is very passive and needs a lot of supervision and I am not the right person to supervise a trainee, so it put me under more stress. Not that we had any problems, it's just that getting him to stay in one place and complete the weeding was hard at first, but he improved as the day went on.

I came home tired and miserable, but I stayed up to watch Hollyoaks and Doc Martin. Then I slept soundly through the night although I did have distressing dreams at times.

When I woke up, it seemed like ages passed while I lay in bed and yet no time was passing either, strange.

I have my old lady this morning and then my mate's garden to do, Tuesday is always take-it easy day, which is no bad thing because Monday is the hardest day with the team.


Sunday, 14 May 2017

Sunday

Good evening peeps,

The usual weekend busyness, rush, stress, relax, anxiety and depression.

I was out like a light when I went to bed last night. I woke at 7.50am this morning, thinking it was much later, but it wasn't.

I watched Hollyoaks, I was still tired, I did so much yesterday and was still tired despite waking up bright and early.
I made an effort to go to church but I was so tired that I quietly came home again part way through. I did tell someone that, so that they knew I wasn't going off in a huff.
I never realised in the past that when I couldn't cope with church, people thought I was going off in a huff, but that was the Church of England, they never asked, just assumed, with prejudice, but at least it learned me to tell someone why I was leaving.
I can't help being sick and tired, but if people know, then they don't think I'm being an idiot.

Anyway, I came home. I didn't feel like sleeping, just resting, and there was nothing on TV, so I hung the washing out and sat at the table and typed a few bits of work out. The dry TV situation continued, so I put an 'Are you being Served' DVD on, and that has been fun.

I nipped down to the car boot sale but I didn't feel like it and there was nothing I wanted.

Tomorrow the weather looks a bit rainy, what really? It rained hard last night as well, the sofa fleece that I put on the line got soaked. Haha.
I will do tomorrow's lunch and put it ready anyway.




Saturday, 13 May 2017

Saturday

Good evening peeps,

Well this morning the car passed it's MOT at 8.30.

Eventually I found some clothes and crawled to the bus stop, I had missed one by 5 minutes. Three different buses stop there and mine was the last, so everyone else got their buses and I waited forlornly, until a familiar vehicle hove into sight, the works van!

I stuck my arm out as if the works van was a bus, and my workmate grinned cheerfully and pulled over. He gave me a lift to get the car as it was on his way, and we chatted cheerfully, I think we miss working together when I work with the boss these days. You know that recently I got rid of one of the big houses, the one where I did lambing, because the landed gentry aren't easy to work for? My workmate did a similar thing, but he got death threats by phone for quitting. Wow, they big houses have been awful to me through my 20s and then I got rid of one recently, but I never got death threats for quitting.

Anyway, I collected Max, and Max didn't feel much different, he has always been a smooth and easy drive, but now all I noticed was the sharpness of his brakes. Expensive little sod. And after all that carefully valeting I did, they have got oil all over him, inside and out. Grr.

Anyway, I had brief test drive, did some shopping and came home to watch TV, do some writing and housework.
The day has gone quickly. I have written a few thousand words and watched The Spy next Door, The Parent Trap, My Parents are Aliens, Melissa and Joey, and now I, Robot is on. The bedroom, bathroom and living room are swept, mopped and wiped, and the living room and kitchen are part way there, the work diary is done, and there is just the work schedule to do and some more writing and the remainder of the housework.
I seem to have gained a new garden, I will assess it this week.

As you may have noticed, I didn't try to do the Great Walk this year, I need more support to even do half of it, but I am sponsoring my landlady's son on his walk, which makes me feel like an old retired walker. Haha.

And guess what, on top of that very expensive MOT and repairs, Max's tax is due as well. Darn car!





Max

Max is through his MOT re-test and he passed with no problems, it was just emissions because of the catalyst.
I have to go and collect him now and he is about 7 miles away, what fun. No, I won't walk, I am not well, I will catch the bus. The bus stop is 10 minutes away and 10 minutes the other end, so I will have 20 minutes of nice walk on this fine day, and hopefully I won't meet any mad stray dogs this time.
The expense of Max's catalyst failure is huge, partly because one of the components on the old catalyst was stuck in place, having been there for 17 years.
Overall what I am paying is more than half of what I paid for the ruddy car in the first place.
So thanks to the people who ensured that I could pay this and the rent at the same time.


Friday, 12 May 2017

Friday

Good evening peeps,

Well what a car-wreck of a day.
I spent so long waiting for the car or news of the car while I felt so ill.
I felt like I was homeless again while I sat in McDonalds and then dozed in the churchyard.

The car had something wrong that was picked up during servicing, the cost was already high so it got higher. Then the car failed on emissions, but communication was so bad that I had no idea what to do or what was going on. I was so ill, stuck in town waiting, almost in tears.

In the end it was arranged to change the catalyst, we should have done that before the MOT and saved all the hassle. The catalyst is done, the car is running on it's old MOT which is valid until June, and tomorrow it will have partial re-test, but the costs are very high and it has been very stressful.

I don't feel good at all.

I have tried to relax and watch television, but I don't feel great. And there is so much to do.


In for MOT

Hey peeps,

I dropped Max off for his pre-MOT service and repair at 7.30. I was too tired and in pain to want to get up and get sorted this morning, but I did anyway.
I am having breakfast in town, but the walk down was hard.

As I started walking alongside the main road, suddenly a dog was jumping at me, and I reacted by fighting it off. But it was a young dog and not savage, it was sudden and uncontrolled though, and in my sleepy and poorly state, it was a fright.
There was no owner in sight and the dog was still jumping wildly around and I hadn't a clue what to do, trying to catch it's harness. I do not like jumpy dogs, Juliet used to drive me mental by feeding everyone's dogs on the walk so they all jumped and drove me mad, and she blamed me for not liking it but I just do not like jumpy dogs. Juliet used to drive the dog owners mad because the dogs would follow her for treats and make them late for work.

Anyway, someone stopped their van and helped, the dog was only young but totally out of control, no owner in sight. After a minute a woman came running with a lead, but it wasn't her dog, she had seen it running into the traffic and had pulled over, and she had a lead and a dog crate, so she took the dog to to wherever you take lost dogs. Sorted. But took more energy than I have.

By the time I got to town I was almost crawling on all fours myself, didn't want to be caught and put in a dog crate though, so I am sitting here with coffee and painkillers.

Wish us luck for Max's MOT.




Thursday, 11 May 2017

Thursday

Good evening peeps,

Max doesn't have to go in until tomorrow morning now, but I have worked hard all day despite not being well. So my week's work is done. But I can't relax until I know Max is OK.

This is a relapse, it has the symptoms, exhuastion - I want to go to bed now, aching, muddled, and sleep disturbance. Not being able to eat all my supper is definitely a symptom, today and yesterday.

Yesterday I went out with the peeps for a meal, and although it was nice, I could only eat half of it, and tonight my usual supper is partly left.

I need to finish checking Max and sorting myself out and hanging the washing up before bed, but I just want to crawl into bed and be asleep.

Max has been washed, hoovered, and cleared out, my tools are in a ton bag in the hall for me to trip over when I need the loo in the night.

The blogs are statting strangely, Jersey and Freemasons, what? You worked out that the Freemasons sacked Bob Key for his vainglorious little Justin Welby double-faced show? Lol. No, Key was paid off after being upheld by Welby, and no-one would do anything about all this injustice.

Tomorrow is an early start to drop Max off, wish us luck.

For the record, for people reading this in decades to come, the drought continues, the occasional rain is light, and my work gets harder as the drought continues, we are due rain now but it isn't bothering, which is OK so I can put the washing out, and then the rain will just send a cloud right above my washing only.

I am so tired and in such pain.




Wednesday, 10 May 2017

Wednesday

Good afternoon peeps,

Well today hasn't quite gone as planned.

Last night I couldn't get to sleep, and by midnight I was worried, I couldn't get my head settled and comfortable, so I took two 5HTP caplets, which isn't clever as that could make nightmares and a hangover, but I needed sleep, and because I couldn't support my head properly I threw the support out and put a spare pillow in, which also wasn't good, but I needed to sleep.

I slept, and woke this morning drugged with a 5HTP hangover but also with my head and neck aching from the pillow, it wasn't a good start.

I sorted out some letters before work and tried to overcome the pain and doped feeling.

I headed for town to drop some things off, the traffic wasn't too bad but then I went to work.

On the way I picked up the post, another of those horrible letters that should have stopped.

I still tried to go to work, but no-one was there and the hedgecutter battery was low and I didn't have gate code for the back, so I felt so fed up and rubbishy.

So I came home, did some writing, lay down and slept, and I only just woke up. I don't feel great but better than earlier.
I had better find some belated lunch, shower, get out of work clothes, and then later I am going out for a meal if I don't feel so bad.

I will work a full day tomorrow after all, as Max can be dropped off on Friday morning. I have the costs so far, expensive little so and so, so it is just that one thing that the MOT results hang on, and if he does fail, the catalyst is in stock ready to replace.

It is a nice sunny day, so I will get on and sort myself out a bit and get very belated lunch.


Tuesday, 9 May 2017

Tuesday

Good evening peeps,

Happy Liberation Day. I am glad that I don't go and waste the day listening to lies down at Liberation Square any more. I used to think it was mad that people didn't go, but I understand now.

Well, this morning I was wide awake at 6am.
Haha, I should have got to work in plenty of time, but traffic was solid between the towns, and why?
Roadworks on the main road.
I was 15 minutes late for work, and my old lady didn't mind. Nor did I, as today wasn't too bad apart from having that annoying extra trip to the car's best friend.

So, at 5pm I rolled up at the car's best friend's place.
'It will take five minutes', he had told me cheerfully.
Yeah, right.
Half an hour later.

It turned out to be a corroded wire that needed soldering. I continue to count my lucky stars that I have the best mechanic possible. Some mechanics would not be able to pinpoint a fault like that.

Anyway, that got done, and I also went through my final MOT workup questions, and it was all fine. The car is now ready for MOT, it has one potential failure. The emissions if the catalyst is still problematic. If that happens, then Max will be off the road over the weekend while we get and fit the new catalyst. I can get a lift to work on Monday if necessary.

I didn't realise that Max is 17! I missed his Birthday. That makes Florence 27! And if Max is due MOT, Florence  is as well. And She is probably done for. Sad. I hope I never find out if she is gone, she lives 10 miles away so I never see her.

You may wonder what I am fussing about over the MOT,  but I rely on a 17 year old car for my living and thus my home and I have nothing and no-one to support me otherwise.
I remember the garage who used to try to charge mad amounts for Florence's repairs, as I waited there one day, there was a man who obviously had a good life, and his car was young, and they were asking him over £500 to do the work so it would pass it's failed MOT.
Some people fling cars in for MOT without even thinking about it, they do not see the workings of the car as their responsibility, and I used to be like that, but not any more. And the good thing about an older car is that it is simpler to understand, maintain and get repaired - in some cases.

I asked about getting a towbar for Max, it is either a towbar for Max or I will have to get a van eventually. The answer was that he can probably have a towbar. I told the car's best friend that it was that or I get a van, and he looked at his van and grinned and said 'You're not having that one!' Because both Max and Florence were his, and the van is not the next vehicle in line to sell to me.

Anyway, I came home through the beautiful hills, it has been a bright sunny day and it was a nice drive.
I am tired but I have a lot to do.








Happy Liberation Day

The irony of Liberation Day - All those Nazi leaders in Jersey use it to glorify themselves and deny the reality of corruption and wrongdoing in the States of Jersey.

Jersey isn't liberated yet.

'When they liberated Jersey, they forgot about the States'.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTfVEaf668Y

Monday, 8 May 2017

Monday

Good evening peeps,

Well, I am tired and depressed. And that isn't because work was bad, we had a good day.

Last night I had a very disturbed night, horrific nightmares, flashbacks and traumas all colliding, I was awake some of the time, but it all blurred, sleep, wake, nightmare, flashback, distress.
In the morning it was hard to get up, which is bad because I am supposed to leave here at 7.30 for work on Monday. It was 7.45 when I left, but I still got there on time and first in.

I was sleepy and with a headache to start the day.

I was working with the boss today, and I had started work when he arrived, and when I wailed miserably about how I felt and how I had no coffee money, he grinned and said 'Right, you work that side of the site and I will work the other side!'

We did a good day's work, we normally have four hours on the first site, and I can tell you if you haven't already noticed from my blog, four hours gardening on one site is a lot, so it was good that I was working with the boss because he decided to cut the four hours short. Which meant we got the next two sites done by lunchtime.

It was good to get going as the site on the seafront is exposed to the wind and it was windy today.

Anyway, after lunch we only had two more sites, one only takes 10 minutes, most of our sites are second or holiday homes so we don't see anyone, but the new garden, the last of the day, is an hour's work for an elderly lady with memory loss, there is a lot of work to do there so we worked hard.

When the  boss went to collect the money from the lady, he said he dreads that, she keeps him talking.
So I sat on the wall and almost dozed in the warm sun, very tired, and when the boss came out, making faces, I grinned and he threatened to push me off the wall for grinning.

And that was the end of the day, my next task was to take Max over to the car's best friend, which proved challenging due to traffic, someone has explained to me why our traffic has been so bad, I never thought of it, but I can't tell you on here.
Anyway, it happened that the car's best friend had had a family emergency and instead of texting, had emailed me, and I do not use internet during working hours normally so I wondered why he wasn't there, came home, and found an email, he wants me to go back at 5pm tomorrow, which is highly inconvenient but it is vital that we sort this fault out before the MOT.

When I got home I showered and went to get food, and the sank into depression, hard to function. I should have got an early night because of last night, but I am afraid of going to bed because of the distress.

I don't have a very early start tomorrow, I have an awkward day due to the car's best friend, because otherwise I would be doing a compact gardening round tomorrow and the take-it-easy-Tuesday early finish. I can't rework things to come home and go back out, so I have to mess the round up.

Tomorrow is Liberation Day, sucks, I don't know if that was the Bulldog or the Beagle out on the water making a fuss earlier.

Anyway, now I want to play a game.
You know this blog has been running since 2010?
Well in May 2011 I hadn't yet started it, but in May 2012 it was up and running.

Shall we go back to May 8th each year through links, shall we look back?
I have to be careful with last May as that was the Bishop and Archbishop's attempted murder of me time.

Tuesday, 8 May 2012


Hello Bloggypeeps.
I went to the doctor today, got anti-histamines because it is hayfever season and I don't want it to impact on my asthma, also got a new kind of medicine for my insides as the old one was not working and I am getting terrible upsets, the doctor wanted to examine me but I freaked out.

I went to the benefits agency and had a chat with them, they are enquiring to a certain place about some part time supported employment for me, and I also took their advice and made an appointment with the volunteer office in order to see if I am in any way fit to volunteer.

Wednesday, 8 May 2013


Hey peeps,
I got a cuppa from the cafe and also found another sticker and got another cuppa from McD's to keep me going.
I haven't had any lunch but I am going to see if these people who invited me can help. I think they can spare me at least a tea and maybe biscuits but they are doing a meal so they may be able to spare some food, i think they know that I am at least in need if not knowing I am homeless.

Good morning peeps,
Yesterday there wasn't much library time left by the time I got back from the group and settled down, and then the computer crashed and it took a while to get it working again :( I am getting a bit worried about it, I don't want to lose the computer now.

In the evening I had a lot of time to kill, but killing is wrong, so I wandered about and listened to my radio and sat and waited for time to pass. I had enough money for a few cups of tea at McD's and a chip butty for my supper, so that was good.
It was quite late when I tucked into my blankets out in the open in my corner and I was asleep straight away.
I woke at 2.24am when it started raining hard.

I scrambled for the porch and put the blankets there and went to the loo, then I settled down in the porch and slept again.
I woke in the early morning, it was raining hard and the rainwater was spraying up and some was landing on me and my blankets, but not enough to make me or the blankets really wet.

I got up at 7.30 and stashed the blankets and went to McD's, I had enough money for one more cuppa.
I also had a swiss roll that I got with small change last night for today's breakfast, so I ate that with my cuppa.
Last night the ambulance was called to one of the homeless guys, I didn't know if it was because of drink or drugs or because he is epileptic, but today he was sitting in McD's, completely out of his face. He gets DLA so probably it was payday yesterday.

I went outside McD's and found a free porridge token on the ground.
I went looking in all the bins for one more sticker but there were none, I need one more for a cuppa.
Then I found at that someone else was taking the stickers, he is a ratbag because he is not homeless and has everything he needs, there used to be a guy like that in 'Chavtown' do you remember that? He was a sex offender, this one in this town tried to kill his wife with a machete, but neither of them are/were homeless and they never needed to raid the bins.

Anyway, I sat in the churchyard for a quick pray and reflect and dread of the day and the church of england. Then I went to the loo and then I went back to McD's and used the porridge token for my free porridge. So now I am full of carbohydrates and food and hopefully that will last until 3pm because I have nothing until then.

Well I have enough for a cuppa at the cafe because I had 20p in emergency small change left and 30p in my post office account, and I also have five stickers so if I can find another then that will be another cuppa.
But no food.

Thursday, 8 May 2014


Thursday Morning

Good morning,

Please excuse the lack of blog, not only have I been ill, but the computer crashed again and also my bus pass ran out and I only had enough money for the day's food yesterday, and there was no library open within my limited walking distance.

Yesterday morning I woke after a normal night's sleep, to find that I could hardly walk, my bad leg was painful and awkward and so was my knee on what used to be my good leg, so was my back, and I was exhausted before the day had begun.

I knew I couldn't stay in bed, so I set out to complete some tasks, mainly dropping off paperwork to the local office, walking up there was very hard, I kept thinking about a wheelchair, because it was such a short walk and yet I struggled, like swimming through treacle. I have a feeling that my heart is struggling a bit again, I have had racing heartbeat a few times recently, so I took asperin.
I may get a lightweight wheelchair for days when walking is too much, I will never afford a mobility scooter unless I get Higher rate mobility allowance, which may or may not happen.

Anyway, three trips up and down the road, with walking getting a bit better, normal meals and usual routines and the flat as clean and tidy as can be and lots of task lists done.
I didn't go to the drop in as I was too tired and busy, and in the evening I just had a normal gentle walk and did lots of thinking.
I also did lots of reading yesterday.

I slept as normal and woke up a bit better today but worried as to how the day was going to go, with the changeover with my benefits.
Thankfully my money was in, and I withdrew enough for a bus pass and headed for town early after breakfast.
I got in town with my broken computer and the shop refunded it because it has never worked well and was under warranty, they did the fund by transfer but it hasn't come through yet, but in the meantime I did a transfer of the rest of my benefit to my rent account so the rent is paid.
Relief, I was worried that the benefits would mess up again.

Yesterday was a glorious sunny day with a fresh breeze, but I had no washing powder left, so I could not make use of the good laundry weather, today I should have money for washing powder later but the weather is pouring rain with no end in sight and more bad weather on the way.
Not great because this weekend is a big event that I should be helping with, and we are all gonna get drenched.

Just gonna sit and catch up, thankfully seems there is no more news of the CofE talking trash on air.

When the computer refund comes in, I am gonna get art stuff and puzzles and study books to encourage my brain to keep recovering and reconnecting. That'll be fun.

Friday, 8 May 2015


Friday Morning

Good morning,

Well yesterday I was feeling rubbish in the morning but I went to the dentist inthe afternoon.

We have such awful NHS that my nearest dentist is 8 miles away, I have to get two buses.

I got there early, discovered a library that I ddn't know about, better than my local library, but very small, so I borrowed all their books.
Then I went to a good charity  shop and got more books and a white mug for 25p to replace my other mug that I dropped, full of coffee, last week :( it was a good coffee too.

The dental appointmant was OK, well the dentist was acting like he had been smoking weed in his lunch break, which was funny but also scary, it is bad enough letting someone scrabble around in your mouth without you knowing what they are doing, a high dentist is real scary.
He gave me a new toof, and then forgot all about the rest of the work he said he would do and said he would see me in three months time.

It was a productive journey, because I have too few teef, I was so busy being norty that I forgot to grow my teeth in the first place and have needlessly lost a few to bad dentistry and so I have few teeth apart from some nuisance wisdom teeth, so at least the dentist has actually been good and given me a new toof instead of ripping any out.
And I also got through many chapters of music revision while on the buses and waiting in the dentist place.

When I got home, all that mattered was the Simpsons and Hollyoaks and the new books and the election.
Then I had an almost peaceful sleep with the cat keeping me company, he used to want to go out in the early hours but now he stays the whole night and then when I start to wake up, he starts leaping impatiently around.

Then the dreaded election news, bleh, the next five years will be utter misery if I am not able to get enough work, the benefits system will remain a killer of vulnerable people. At least Esther McVey resoundingly lost her seat, strength of feeling. Unfortunately Vaz got to keep his seat, but I have a feeling he will eventually face justice, unless he gets dementia. Simon Danczuk kept his seat, and protector of wrongdoers, Steve Brine kept his seat and will keep the so-called justice comittee corrupt, and ensure justice is inaccessible to the poor.
So generally a bad election.
At least Mike Hancock deservedly lost his seat.
And 113 people voted for a candidate who died some weeks ago.
Hm, elections, what's it all about? Is it an election or does the party that the church and the freemasons choose, win?

Anyway, I am not working today, I just do not feel well. Basically I want to work and can't live with such a dreadful benefits work, but when the Diocese of Winchester shattered my life, they took everything, including my employment record, clean record and fitness to work, and I despair, because the choice of being under-employed and not well enough to work or being on a benefit system that makes me ill and drives me further and further from work the longer I am on it, is no more a choice than the choice of being deported from Jersey, I am just caught up in a nothing life, waiting for the Diocese of Winchester to finish me off and suffering horrors of what they have done to me, night and day.

On May 8th 2016 I was in Winchester just before the attempted murder of me by the Archbishop and Bishop and their complicit press and media.

http://lifeafterthediocese.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/winchester-1-florences-last-long-journey.html
http://lifeafterthediocese.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/winchester-2-my-favourite-place.html

http://lifeafterthediocese.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/winchester-mayfest.html

Sunday, 7 May 2017

Sunday

Good afternoon peeps,

I am aching, rest makes me ache. Not that I'm resting resting.

Last night I stayed up and watched 'The Fault in our Stars' and it was good. Emotional, profound, sad, clear, heartbreaking and heartwarming. It made a lot of people cry, if twitter is anything to go by.

But today I have been tired and yawning for staying up.

During the night I tried to go back to Winchester in my dream, to find that blasted Bishop and ask him what he actually said in denial in the previous dream, but all I found was Bishops with lollypops. And before you think that has connotations, that is from Archbishop Carey and Michael Scott-Joynt being photoed with lollypops in their mouths years ago when I was at a garden party at Wolvsley, the photo was in the paper, and even before I knew about the Church of England's affectation and vanity for the press, I was puzzled.

Anyway, so I got up this morning and watched the end of Hollyoaks, they do put it on early these days. I was writing as I watched, and then I had a shower and breakfast, got the washing in, and headed for Church.

Church was good as usual and thankfully I didn't get any lunch invites, but I did get invited for a meal out on Wednesday, if I can make it, and as yet I don't know, because I have Max in for MOT and I need to juggle money.

So I came home and am writing, there is nothing decent on TV.

Max's workup is good, his fluid levels are all good, although he is being serviced before the MOT anyway, his lights are fine, his horn is fine, the windscreen is definitely up to standard, I have to do his seats and seatbelts but I think they are fine, and I have to nip round to the car's best friend tomorrow after work to get a fault reset, and as long as the catalyst doesn't cause emissions problems, then Max should be OK for MOT, he has no significant rust or anything and his tyres and brakes are good. He may have a slight leak but I will discuss that with the car's best friend tomorrow. And of course he is having new wipers and washer pump before the MOT. Wish us luck, peeps, it is important.

Anyway, the usual Sunday, writing, preparing for the week, aching, depressed, cleaning and tidying. Clean clothes and towels. What do you peeps do on weekends? Do you have weekends like mine? Do you wonder why I don't jump in the car and go to the sea? Hmm, good idea, I will do that, see you later!



Saturday, 6 May 2017

Saturday

Good evening peeps,

The flat smells of frying biftek and I am watching Mrs Doubtfire.

This morning I woke up at 5am from that dream about Winchester, then I slept again until 9am.

Most of the day has been television and writing, without much effort at the chores, although I am getting there.

It started with Melissa and Joey back to back for the morning, and I published 'A Walk in the Dark' and 'The Fisher Report' in public circulation.

Then Short Circuit, Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang, and now Mrs Doubtfire is on.

I have been out for groceries, washed Max, sprayed bleach on the wetroom and started other housework, my clothes came in from the line nice and dry and I am going to put the towels and bathrobe out to dry overnight. My mower is in the shed, my work schedule for the week is up, etc.

And what am I working on? Rage and Terror, Book 1, nothing special but I may well circulate it this weekend.

This morning someone emailed me and said Gavin Ashenden approved of the missionary Bishop to Scotland.
I replied that I was glad he approved of the missionary position and wondered if he himself would like to take it.
I got an indignant spam of my blogs from France, as usual the French viewer was looking at porn sites before they accessed my blog.
So is it the missionary position for Gavin?

I am staying up late to watch a new film called 'The Fault in our Stars' or something. I hope it is worth it, if not, I won't stay up.




Bishops and Pokemon players

Good morning peeps,

I am just recording this before I forget it.

I dreamed about Wolvsley and Winchester Cathedral, it was dark and the Bishop and Sally weren't listening when I said that the Bishop had done wrong.
Then there was Mass at the Cathedral and the toffs were having tea and biscuits and I met the Bishop face to face and told him he had done wrong, and he was still denying it, so I got angry. But I went outside and got angry with the stupid Pokemon players instead as they blundered round the Cathedral Grounds, wasting their lives.

That was a strange dream.

Apparently it's world naked gardening day.
I am glad it is my day off, and you should be glad of that too.


Friday, 5 May 2017

Friday

Good evening peeps,

This morning I went to work on the farm, the little farm, not the big one. I don't know if I updated you but I quit the big farm, the one where I did lambing, I was unhappy working for them and it was chaotic.

The little farm is also owned by high-flying business people but I feel better with them and I like working for them. I arrived this morning and was handed a box of new-laid eggs, I was delighted. I did water the greenhouse for them that other time when no-one was home, but a box of eggs is worth a lot to someone like me who still struggles to make ends meet.

Anyway, the farm is on a hill and the wind was howling, but I worked hard in the howling wind, while the sea and the long grasses waved in the wind down the hill.

When I finished I headed into town for petrol, the bank, the loo, and then round to the garden centre to pick up supplies for the next job. I always natter to myself at the garden centre, like most shopping it makes me nervous, so I mutter about six shrubs and a free weed and things.

I can't believe that I forgot to say that my adoptive mum told me she has a return of cancer, it is a mild cancer but obviously distressing and also uncomfortable for her. She was trying to reassure me, but you know my history of friends and cancer, especially the recent and swift loss of life of my friend. It is a mild cancer, not an immediately life threatening one, but the adoptives have enough trouble.

Anyway I got compost and plants and headed for the next job.

I worked hard with planting up and then weeding, and then it was time to come home, end of the working week.

My clothes are in the wash, I am showered but not fed, lazy me! And I have been watching Hollyoaks. I had to laugh at Simone interrupting the boys' battle game with her election campaign. And Lisa grabbing the gun and shooting Darren because Simone was in the way. Hilarious, got to see it again, that whole scene was brilliant, the good side of Hollyoaks.

I have no work this weekend, well, you know me, if it isn't one kind of work it is another. But I will have a lie in tomorrow and on Sunday I will go to church and see my peeps. You won't believe this after how the bank holidays have affected my work, but next week is a four day week for me because of Max going in for service, repairs and MOT.

Bank holidays are complicated for me because Monday is my sub-contract day and the team don't work bank holidays, so we have to do a different day that week, which pushes my work up, and I only have two possible gardens that I can do on bank holiday and usually I can't time them for then, and being self-employed I don't get paid if I don't work.

This next week, when Max is in, my tools and mower will be here and not in Max, and I have to drop him off the night before as he has to be cold for the work to be done. So I have to get myself home and back there without him, five miles, and I am without vehicle and equipment for however long it takes.

This is daunting to me because he will be the first car I have put through MOT since I rebuilt my life, and the first car since I started working full time and depending on the car for work.

Max has to go on Monday after work for a quick effort to re-set a fault, and it is important that is done or he could fail. Then the MOT is later in the week.