Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Wednesday, 22 March 2017

Wednesday

Good evening peeps,

Well I was surprised to wake this morning with almost no pain even after hard work and an hour long dental operation yesterday.
And I have continued to be surprised by the relative lack of pain, one side of my mouth feels funny and I have a mild chest infection and have been a bit tired and achy, but nothing worse.
When you are at the dentists, especially for a long appointment, you get various stuff going down your throat whether you like it or not, and my easophogus and co are not very good, so some of it gets into my lungs. Thankfully I have coughed most of it clear.

But anyway, relieved that the after effects are not too bad, but life is hard work right now, today it rained when I desparately needed to keep on top of my work and earn money, tomorrow looks similar, I am due to move on Saturday and I am nowhere near prepared, even with spending the rained off time trying to prepare. Well OK I have got a certain amount done, but not as much as I would like.

The rain seemed to be stopping at lunch, so I headed for work, for what would have been the second garden of the day, but as I got there, a massive rainshower occured and the people told me to postpone the garden until next week. Very annoying because my work is beginning to stack up now. So I grumped home to do some more, dithered miserably about actually going back out again as the rain stopped again, gave up and did the laundry and more preparation and also a load of paperwork, records and invoices, boring as hell.

Then the London incident broke into the news. Horrifying. When I was younger I was without emotion, I was locked into a dream world and the World Trade Centre attacks meant nothing to me, but now I get upset when horrible things happen. As you may remember when someone was murdered up the road a few months ago and I went rounding up my neighbours and making sure they weren't being murdered for days after that, well today I wanted to round everyone up and tuck them in a big duvet and keep them safe, but you can't do that really, just as you can't slap people on twitter who are making stupid comments.

Anyway. My thoughts are with those involved in the London violence, and remember, Terrorism is not the norm, it must never be the norm, just as child abuse must never be the norm, no matter how much it occurs or how badly.




Tuesday, 21 March 2017

Tuesday night

Hey peeps,

Sorry for the lack of update, it has been a busy week so far, as I said.

I knew yesterday would be one of those days, I found it hard to wake up and I had a headache behind my eyes, so I knew.

The weather was not as forecast, it was strong wind and rain, just when we needed to get the mowing started on the estate, two weeks late already.

I didn't get there early to start the litterpick because I got up late and sleepy, my workmate was the same, but at least I got a parking space.

On the evening of my Birthday, someone had sent me a message about somewhere to live, not long term, just temporary, and it sounded good, so when they contacted me again while I was doing the litterpick, I arranged to view the place after work.

Then, despite the weather, we got on with the mowing, shivering as the freezing wind blew rain at us.

Then after half an hour, my workmate came over, looking gloomy, his mower had broken. He headed for the van to get something to repair it, then my mower broke! These are commercial mowers and have both been serviced recently. And as you probably remember, our boss is off work with injury, so it would be enough of a push to put a first cut on acres of grass in bad weather with just two of us!

So I went to tell my workmate my mower had broken, a different problem from his, so he gave me the wire to fix his mower while he tried to fix mine. I got his mower going and got on with the mowing but he couldn't fix my mower, and it had started so sweetly that morning, I thought it was too good to be true!
So we were down to the two of us and one mower, for the whole estate, first cut - which is always the longest and wettest, and in bad weather.
So he got the strimmer and strimmed as much as possible, and I mowed, I mowed acres and acres of grass, the weather calmed a bit by afternoon but we got so tired, and then two private customers on the estate who pay for us to do their garden wanted our services as well.
And then at the end of the day we had to load the ton bags of grass onto the boss's tipper truck, which we had there as well as the van.

After that I shot home to change and head to view this flat.

Yeah, I have a new home, for the moment, it is not available for a permanent let but peeps it is nice, and with safe parking for Max. Some idiot has hit Max's bumper, distressing but not severe.
I am moving on Saturday. My adoptive Mum was due to come over on Saturday but that is postponed, time with her and time with my mate are the unavoidably postponed Birthday celebrations which will have to wait for next week.

Anyway, so I came home after that, knackered and drifting, I had to go through my pain prevention routines because of the heavy work and stress, those commercial mowers are probably as close to the legal vibration limit as possible, and it can make me ill, especially working like that, but thankfully my muscles relaxed rather than seizing and I woke this morning completely relaxed, I did dream vaguely about Jersey and Philip Bailhache, he was ugly and grotesque in the dream and he may have been dead.

Anyway, it was time to fall sleepily out of bed into more hard work. I had messed my schedule around so that I could cover for the boss for half a day, and my workmate hadn't been able to fix the mower and hadn't had time to go and get my own personally owned mower from the lockup, so I was mowing vast swathes of ground with the one mower again while he strimmed, he doesn't like the ride on mower and getting it in and out of the van is tricky, so we were stuck with one push mower and the strimmer.

So, after a very hard half day, made more stressful by me being sent the wrong time for my dental appointment, I headed off, leaving my workmate to complete his full day there. It is beautiful there, it is an exclusive residential estate, I mentioned it last year, it is millionaire holiday homes with a private marina and very nice, but a lot of work. I may start posting photos of my work now that it is all so high quality and I have started to photograph it again.

I headed to assess yet another garden. Another very big garden, belonging to lovely people with a variety of dogs, cats, geese, ducks, chickens and yachts, yes it is right by the harbour and they own various boats, I am getting the high quality contracts now but all of them are very hard work.

And from there it was the dentist, for the correct time, and I had no idea that the dentist was going to take an hour, yes, an hour, and they got me to sign consent forms for the work. I am grateful to my wonderful dentist for doing his very best to salvage my ruined teeth, ruined by poor dentistry in the past, poor diet, and most of all, my severe teeth grinding problem.
Anyway, I survived the hour, and as yet I feel alright, well as alright as you do after extensive dental work when you have a poor jaw. It will be tomorrow that the heavy work and dentistry may catch up on me and make me poorly, and it looks like heavy rain in the morning, rotten luck when I have such a heavy work schedule and I am moving house on Saturday. I will not get all my work done this week. But the three gardens who may have to wait are all fine with that and flexible.

Anyway, so I have disinfectant, and salt water, and liquid anti-inflammatory that tastes like fire and drain cleaner, to try to prevent bad side effects from the dental surgery. Bleh.

My new home has a huge television, hmmm.




Sunday, 19 March 2017

Sunday evening

Good evening,

Well the blogs are statting up again and I haven't completed the daily diary.

It has been a generally pleasant day, although I am genuinely worried about ending up homeless at the moment.

Anyway, this morning I blundered cheerfully into my adoptive church, a lot of my peeps were away but we had a lovely service. I am pretty sure it was co-incidence that my favourite hymn was played at the end, but it was great, people knew that is my favourite and also that today is one of my Birthdays, but I think it was co-incidence, but it was generally a lovely service and time. We had a speaker who looked and sounded so like Bob Hill that it was like as if Bob could speak again, I know Bob used to do readings in his church.

After church I had chicken for lunch and was reading and watching DVDs and also chatting to my adoptive mum, she couldn't come over this weekend so she is coming next weekend, for half a day because my work is so busy that I will be working Saturday, it is the spring rush for gardens now and with one of our gardeners injured I need all the time I can find. I also accidentally picked up a massive gardening job today, a country estate/farm, an immense amount of work and they want me one day a week for the moment, dear God! Am I stupid or something? I know I want to work but am I doing the right thing?

But anyway, as I was first bid, I went to look at the work this afternoon and it was near my favourite cliffs, so for some time I sat on the cliffs in my car, drinking tea and looking at the massive waves, the wind was so strong that it was hard to hold the camera still when I stood on the cliff top to get pictures. The wind and waves were too strong for surfers as none were out, not even daredevils like the idiots who used to surf directly towards the cliffs at Grev d'Lecq in this kind of weather.

Anyway, so here I am home, very tired, I am always so tired, and with a hard week's work ahead and a pressing need to move home.

Sunday morning

Good morning peeps,

Well yesterday was nice, we went out for celebratory coffee, which morphed into celebratory lunch, and you don't need to guess what I had for lunch, yes, jacket potato.
Among other things we celebrated that I have been back in work for two years. I said that it terrified me that I am reliant on myself for income and a roof over my head when I am so damaged physically and emotionally, and the reply was that it was amazing rather than terrifying, that I am doing what I do, and I agree. I remember the DWP and HMRC disbelieving me when I said I was returning to work.

After lunch we wandered round shops.
Then I had a quiet rest of the day, reading another Saint book and watching Vicar of Dibley. Which I am going to continue watching as I wait to go to church now. And no, no-one in my church says 'Well, bugger me!' or talks about putting their hand up unmentionable places of sheep and cattle, honest, they are very sane at my adoptive church, well fairly sane anyway. But the Vicar of Dibley is a very good parody of a country parish even now, all the characters, especially David Horton are very realistic. Unfortunately Juliet didn't change the David Hortons of her benefice into human beings, she simpered and fawned on them instead.

This morning I woke early and decided to enrage the pharisees in the Church of England by putting the washing on and washing the car. The washing is now on the line and the car looks suitably washed. Monday is my longest and hardest day at work and I like to start work early with a clean car, clean clothes and plenty of food and drink, it helps me to get through the day, because in a way the DWP were right, I am not fit for work, I work anyway and suffer the consequences rather than endure the murderous benefits system and because I want to work.

I have just been walking round town with a coffee, I really wanted to hear the church bells but today there are no church bells. Of all the unforgivable things the Church of England have done to me, not providing Church Bells on my Birthday is the limit! I had to provide my own church bells, look:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C54k_-ZD5gA

Do you know I have two Birthdays in March? One is my name day, when I took my own name in order to protect me from Jane Fisher and her complicit authorities who continued to hound me as I went on the run from them? A lovely lady helped me to change my name, she went over and above the call of duty when she signed those forms for me. Thank you you lovely lady if you are reading this, I have never forgotten your help to me and how you went outside the boundaries of your work for the sake of my welfare. Because of you I have been able to preserve my life from Jane Fisher and her authorities and go on living although the Church's efforts to hound me to my death have never ceased.

According to my adoptive mum I share my Birthday with the feast of St. Joseph, so I have his protection, but I don't believe in superstition and anything that is not in the Bible, the Catholics are queer folk sometimes.

I am norty, I ate all my Birthday chocolates as well as peanut butter on toast today. Now I will be dancing in church like those black magic headcases in Jersey.









Saturday, 18 March 2017

Saturday morning

Good morning peeps.

Well I am just waking up out of a lazy weekend sleep.

The blogs statted real high yesterday, usually that means a church times attack, but it turns out that Gavin Ashenden has resigned again. He likes doing that as well as raving and yelling his hatred for vulnerable groups.

So far in the past year he resigned from his position in Jersey, or was pushed, resigned his Queen's chaplaincy - was definitely pushed, and has now resigned as a priest in the church of england. I like it, but if he could resign as a human being I would be even more pleased - I shouldn't joke about that because he is insane and is too likely to kill himself and others if he madness continues unchecked.

Anyway. Back to reality and life. Yesterday I went to the farm and worked hard, the weather was mild and cloudy and I did a lot of digging and threw a ton bag over a fence so my back ached a bit.

I have been taking photos of my work but I am not sure about posting them on here, I sent some to Jersey last night.

I have an unplanned weekend, I was thinking of going away but I decided not to spend money and I didn't plan it in time anyway. Going away is daunting. I am having coffee with a friend at 11am today and I am going to church tomorrow but apart from that I don't know, just book work I suppose.


Thursday, 16 March 2017

Thursday

Good evening peeps,

Just got a new stat on the blog reminding me that I need to update.

Nothing exciting to say though.

This morning I did have a stiff neck from pressure washing, but it wasn't too bad.

I drove though the fog to my haircut, yes at last! My hair is now thinned, trimmed and scarily respectable.

Then I went and looked at the sea and the fog for a while and tried to persuade myself to go to work.
I managed to do so, and I went and worked hard at the care home for some time.
Then I went back to looking at the sea and the fog.

This evening I have been reading and listening to music, not much else. Apart from answering random texts and emails.

Tomorrow I have one garden booked and am awaiting to hear if I am assessing a new garden as well.


Wednesday, 15 March 2017

Wednesday

Good evening peeps,

I am too tired to do much, but I am trying to stay up for a while longer or my sleep will be disrupted.

Yesterday I went to work in the morning and then sat on the cliffs at my favourite place,with a cup of tea.

I am still having slight stomach upset problems but not too severe.

Today I headed off to work, I got on with the pressure washing at last and got it finished. I have to be careful not to get ill from that as well as tired, as it puts stress on my neck.

After that I went and sat in a beach cafe with a tea, the sea was rolling to shore but the fog was down and visibility was low.

On the way home someone let their dog run on the road, one of these silly wealthy ladies with more money than sense and dogs to match, she was lucky because it is a fast and dangerous road, we all stopped and tried to catch the dog and there wasn't so much as an apology or a thank you from the snooty lady. I am glad I don't work for people like that any more. I used to have the double bind of working for people like that and having Juliet Montague interfering in my work life, grateful for small mercies that at least the insufferable side of life back then is gone.

Anyway, it has been a gloriously sunny day, with fog at the edges. I got home to a worrying message, that the boss of the gardening team had to go to hospital with back pain, but apparently he is alright.

I am so tired, I wish it was bed time.


Monday, 13 March 2017

Monday

Good evening peeps,

Well today we only had a half day on the estates as one contract has finished temporarily, so we mowed, strimmed, weeded, trimmed, knocked a tree over, and all the time I was marvelling that I was on my feet and not shivering or in much pain, it feels funny when your whole body has emptied out and you are all light and weak and washed out but still able to do your job. I still have the remnants of upset stomach, but I don't have to dash to the loo and there isn't much to come out, I am not eating anything fancy and not even drinking much tea, tea doesn't taste nice at the moment.

Anyway, it was a glorious day on the seafront and we got a morning's work done, then I went off to do some other work but I felt unsure that my strength would hold, so I went to book a haircut - at last! Instead, and then I strolled by the sea as the waved wandered cheerfully onto the shore in the sunshine, and then I came home.

I am pleased to say that my stupor is less and I have been working on some book marketing.

Tomorrow I have work and then some work, if I am strong and well, my tummy still hurts and I itch, so I am a bit worried about this illness still, even though I am functioning well.


Sunday, 12 March 2017

Sunday

Jersey Safeguarding Failure Partnership predictably nosing onto the blog reminded me that I haven't updated today.

Well unfortunately I have still been unwell, every day I think I will be better the next day but still the fatigue and dire rear continues.

The blogs are statting up, what is the new attack then?

I hope I am well to work tomorrow, being ill leaves me vulnerable to depression, flashbacks and despair, so I am hanging on for dear life.


Saturday, 11 March 2017

Saturday

Good evening peeps,

Well I woke up at 6am this morning and dashed to the loo several times, the meds don't really stop the dire rear.
Anyway, after a few dashes to the loo, I took meds and paracetamol and water and went back to sleep...and woke up at 2.30 this afternoon!

Unbelievable. Sleeping in the day is totally alien to me. I am still not completely well.

Anyway, at 2.30 this afternoon I had not eaten since yesterday, nor had much to drink, I wasn't hungry despite not having had a full meal since Tuesday, but I was dehydrated. So I had lots to drink, and I had a shower as I was a right mess. And I had some toast. Eating anything makes my guts turn over. But it is survivable with meds. there is only liquid slurry still but at least it doesn't keep on and on like it did without meds.

After a while I decided I needed fresh air and I would be alright to drive, so I had a little drive over to the sea and the storage barn. The mist was deeply thick and deep.
I didn't stay out long, I went into the supermarket and got some Dioralyte which is disgusting but effective, and some vitamin C and various other necessities, being ill is expensive. My friend from church texted me and told me that she knew three other people with this bug, so it isn't just me. It is a vicious bug, so I won't be going to church tomorrow.

When I got home I made my first full meal since Tuesday. Diced beef fried with salt and garlic and herbs, served with soft basmati rice. Very tasty, no severe side effects. I chose beef because I needed iron and vitamins and things from it and I am tired of chicken anyway.

I have just been idling around, I am tired and it is hard to focus but I am trying to keep things normal rather than just sleep. The sleep, and giving up on looking after myself are too tempting. The thought of oblivion and being somewhere where the Church of England and their terrible branding of me don't exist is too tempting, so I have to make myself look after myself and keep things as normal as possible.

I am so tempted to go out for a walk actually, I crave fresh air. So I may do that, even if it is a dangerous weekend night.

Friday, 10 March 2017

Friday evening

Good evening peeps,

The carpet needs hoovering.

Today I have felt better apart from the upset stomach persisting and very tired, the hydration stuff is good, but I went back to the pharmacy because they said if I was still slurry spreading by today they would give me some meds.

I have been on those meds since this morning and my body is fighting them because it still wants to play slurry spreading.
I have never had diahhrea like this before and I have no idea what triggered it, I haven't been near any ill people. There is a possibility of food poisoning, and of course anyone can catch an illness out in public.
Of course this illness didn't start as diahhrea, it started as violent shivering that woke me at 2am on Wednesday, followed by a severe headache, then the upset stomach. But I don't remember ever having three days of needing to be near a toilet all the time, it is a bit of a shock to me.

So anyway, apart from that I am better, I have washed the bed linens and pyjamas, those not covered in slurry were soaked in sweat from that initial fever, no, the slurry wasn't that bad.

So, here's hoping I can do about 3 hours work tomorrow, just to keep enough money in for food and essentials. I will need some more electrolyte salt tomorrow if this goes on. I haven't felt like eating and haven't been hungry, so I have had a few complan meals and I got some of those expensive yogurt drinks that some women think are essential, you know the ones with live cultures? They are expensive but there are times when they make sense.

You know how the injury and impact illness tenses my whole body? Well this illness seems to have done the opposite, as well as me going all puffy and clammy, my muscles gone relaxed and floppy, which isn't such a bad thing, because right now I have not needed painkillers since this morning :) I wish they could just cut this muscle that will regularly leave me in agony for the rest of my life, but I think that would cause more problems than it cures.

I am going to bed soon, the evening seems to have vanished and it is actually my normal bed time. Clean sheets, dried outside on the line, nothing better. Here's hoping I am back to normal tomorrow.

Oh I forgot to say, the new book, Rage and Terror Book 1 is on about 50,000 words. I will publish next week if I can find the energy to edit it.




Friday

Good morning peeps,

I woke up at 5am needing to dash to the loo, I have dashed to the loo at least 10 times since then.
But the good news is, I slept from 9pm to 5am peacefully, I didn't get up in the night, no shivering, no pain, oblivion, I think I dreamed odds and ends but can't remember much.

I don't have a blinding headache this morning, just a headache, and the painkillers help. My temperature is still buggering about and I am all sweaty, but apart from that I feel a lot better, I will go and ask the nice pharmacist for a cork, or rather something to stop the runs. I have had a glass of rehydration salts already.

Aside from that, it is supposed to be foggy today, I like fog, especially if I don't have to drive anywhere, and I hope not to drive today.

Apparently the Jersey Care Inquiry has been delayed in releasing it's report. It would be nice to think that they had happened upon some criminal activity by certain persons, but it is much more likely that they have been corrupted or threatened by said certain persons.



Thursday, 9 March 2017

Thursday evening

Good evening,

Well being ill is a drag. The room gets messy and wearing clothes is hard work because they are hot. So don't come round to my house - not a pretty sight!

I have a slight temperature, nothing to worry about, and I am off work, my customer for tomorrow knows I have been ill and he asked if I was coming in, and I said it's best if I don't, because I hadn't eaten all day today and I think this illness is infectious as well and I think trying to work would be silly, I have completely emptied my system of everything. So I will have day off tomorrow, and if I feel better then that's a bonus. I will work Saturday morning if I can, and everyone else is re-booked, no-one has been cross, because normally I am extremely good at turning up.

I slept the afternoon and woke up at 5.30, wish I could say feeling better, but no, I cancelled my clinic appointment, put the bins out and ate some soggy toast, my first food all day. The toast has stayed down with no side effects, and I have had a shower as well. So I must be a bit better. I am imbibing more rehydration salts and have had some Alka whateveritis.

The boss just emailed me about work, the budget has run low for one of the estates so I only have a half day on Monday! Typical! He told me to take some Beechams and it sounds like I have the flu bug that has been going around.

Aha, I wonder if I can book something else in for Monday Afternoon? That would be good.

Being ill is boring because reading or looking at the computer screen or watching DVDs makes me feel worse, nortypeople are not designed to do nothing, it sends our brains mental and we write to the Bishop...Nah, don't worry DakeDake, I am not writing to you. I just think of you when I vomit.


Thursday

ORS doesn't taste any better than it used to, and I should be in bed.

Last night I spent half the night shaking uncontrollably and the other half running for the toilet.

I have had to cancel the day's work again. Which is very frustrating. I would have been working every day this week.

It has been a catastrophic morning because my pyjamas were all newly washed and now they need another wash.

I managed to get up at last, and when I was no longer glued to the toilet I walked over to the pharmacy. I am lucky that we have pharmacies within minutes, because being out and about in this condition is not good. I chatted to the pharmacist, and she recommended things, including ORS, which is what I wanted, you can't go to the loo as many times as I have in the past 24 hours and not be dehydrated. ORS is always disguised in fruit flavours but it tastes revolting whatever you do.

I have a headache that ignores painkillers and is worse when I cough or bend down, I am all cold and clammy, my temperature has dropped from high to low, it is down to 33, I think the thermometer is having a laugh, and I feel rubbish, but at least I got up for a while.

peeps, I should be at work, I feel most indignant that I am having to tell you the gory details of an illness that I shouldn't have, never have, because my immoon system is so good, too good, hence it attacks itself.

The sun is shining outside, I still have two tasks today, one is to postpone my appointment at the clinic and one is to put the bins out this evening.



Wednesday, 8 March 2017

Wednesday Evening

Good evening peeps,

Well unfortunately I am not much better, I have the chills and my tummy is busily chucking everything out, I am sure you wanted to know that. I have headaches that get worse when I cough, which sounds like virus and nothing else. I have a temperature, I tested by frying an egg on my head, messy but effective.
I think this may be a virus but I have booked to go to the clinic for torture on Friday anyway because I can feel the pain in my shoulder and neck anyway.

I am sitting here in my thermal top, it is too early to go to bed otherwise my night's sleep may be more disrupted, so I am watching The Vicar of Dibley.

Today I didn't stay in bed, I am no good at that, I did two loads of washing, a bit of housework, some shopping, and played a practical joke on my fellow gardener. He obviously hasn't found out yet. I felt so tired and rubbish, but I can't waste a day of this borrowed life. Waiting for the Church of England to kill me.

It is all meds and feeling yukky at the moment, and my insides explode at regular intervals.
Another hour and I will tuck myself into the nortypod and hope for the best.




Wednesday

Good morning peeps,

I am a poorly nortyperson. I woke at 2am, shivering and all hot and achy, I got the blankets and some squash and paracetamol, but I didn't sleep properly after that. I have postponed today's work.

It is raining a bit. I would have done the pressure washing, but I am too poorly. I will see how I feel. I have been sick a lot recently and I have to go to the clinic and ask them if they can wrench my shoulder to see if I get better, because a lot of the ill is from my wrecked body. Although I think the dentist on top of the hard work was just too much for me.
I don't know if dental ex-rays make people ill or just if my body hates any meddling and goes into protest, I know my jaw is sensitive enough to make me ill all on it's own. But wow, I haven't woken up shivering at 2am for a very long time.

I am all medded up now and I do feel better but the pain behind my eyes is such that I have no wish to go anywhere yet. Not even to play a trick on my fellow gardener. I mustn't leave that too late!

I was just looking things up and it says that 5HTP, my anti-depressant, can be used as a painkiller. I am not dependent on 5HTP, I take it when my mood drops very low, but I am just chewing some now to see if it helps. I can't take medical prescription anti-depressants, so I take 5HTP and it works and it doesn't have build up or withdrawal times, it can also be used for insomnia but it causes vivid dreams and sometimes nightmares, and a drugged feeling in the morning which would affect my work.

That reminds me, I was dreaming about my dad again last night, he and my sister were playing scrabble. I looked at the score sheets and it said 22/10, day 3, end of game.
I think my brain was slightly out there, but to be honest I am not sure I remember.





Tuesday, 7 March 2017

Hey Guernsey,

Have you noticed I haven't told you to get lost recently on your early hours perusing of my blog?
Can't you sleep?
I have a cure.
I am a sleep doctor.
I have a giant mallet and your head is the target.
Problem solved.
Death is an occasional mild side effect.
But don't worry about that.


Tuesday

Hey peeps,

Well Last night I was so tired, I got into bed and slept deeply, no dreams until this morning. Early this morning I was dreaming of a place I have dreamed of before, it doesn't actually exist but in repeat dreams it does and it is in this district.
This place is so beautiful, in the dream, it has a beautiful river and waterfall, and the cliffs and sea, which do exist. But in this dream my dad was there somehow too, and he was kind of narrating a story and there was a beautiful picture.
I woke up wondering if that was paradise.
I was so sleepy, it was hard to get up, and unfortunately I was in pain as well. Which is never a good start. I had to med up as soon as I could stomach the painkillers.

I scrambled myself into clothes and out to the car, via a few cups of tea. And I went to work. I felt I was running late, and I also had to stop for petrol, but in the end I got there in plenty of time.

This was one of my new gardens, and it went well, I got several cups of tea and three shortbread biscuits  and a lot of conversation out of it, and the lady wanted me to do an extra hour, but I had the dentist in the afternoon so I excused myself and will be back there next week. The lady is very happy with my work today, and I did fill a ton bag with waste, so I must have done something.

Anyway, so I came home at lunchtime, showered and changed, ate something, and headed for the dentist.

I don't know if I mentioned it, but my old dentist left to start a new practice, and he was the best dentist I had ever seen, after a lifetime of bad dentistry, so when he left they put me with another dentist who made the bridge for my teeth but was not so good, her English wasn't brilliant so she didn't understand when she was hurting me, she kept ramming this bridge down onto my hurty gum and I got stressed and I wouldn't wear the bridge because it hurts my gum, which gets inflamed and infected.

So I actually ended up registering with my old dentist's new practice, although I did like the other practice, but the new practice is good, and today I got to see my old dentist again, and it was like as if we were just back at the old practice, he hadn't forgotten anything and he was just as good as before. He said the bridge wasn't going to work, and he said what he will do now is carefully build a new tooth instead. It will take a few appointments and one of them is going to be tough. He did an x-ray to make sure the infection wasn't coming from the root.

Anyway, despite my headaches, which I was medded up for, I didn't feel any worse for the dental appointment, I have to go back in two weeks time for the first tooth building appointment.

I came home, the drives there and back are nice, and I was tempted to have a beach cafe stop as I was discussing beach cafes with someone in Jersey earlier, but I decided I needed to get Max parked.

Once I was home and parked, I went shopping, came home with one pair of work trousers and one pair of basic black trousers from the charity shop, and a load of toiletries and essentials from poundland.
Good, I have three pairs of trousers now, I just need enough money for boots and shoes.

Tomorrow is looking damp and grizzly, so I will waterproof up and do a morning's pressure washing.

I have books to keep me amused, a Saint Book and a writing book, and I also have DYAC, and I yesterday I was looking at clips from 'Top Secret', so I may do that again. Ah, pure Jersey, I miss him so much sometimes you know. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=af9N7UhTMA8





Monday, 6 March 2017

Monday

Good evening peeps,

Well I am tired.

This morning I got up at 5am. I needed the loo and it overrode the nightmares and flashbacks so that I was awake.

I had the loo, a shower, some breakfast, and I got on with editing a book. You will be interested to know that I accidentally put together half a book last night, the first in the 'Rage and Terror' series.
So I was idly editing it this morning.

Then I went to work. I got there at 7.30, before anyone else, and got a coffee and a loo break, I always need the loo when I get to work because I drink a lot of tea in the early morning.

Then I got on with the litter pick, we were due to start mowing the estate today and it takes most of the day, so I decided to get the litter pick out of the way.

I had a problem that there was no parking where I am supposed to park so I had parked up the top, which makes me nervous, so when a space came free down there I got the car and scuttled, much to the surprise of my boss and workmate who had arrived and wondered what I was doing!

They were happy to find out I hadn't gone mad and was simply moving the car to where it should be.
The decision to start to mow had been cancelled due to the ground being too wet, and we were going to simply do a blitz of the borders and gutters etc so that everything would be ship-shape for next time when the mowing does start. The mowing takes most of the day, so everything else gets left until last.

I had brought my earphones in expectation of mowing but as there was no mowing, I had my radio on anyway and enjoyed radio 2 all day, I am mature enough for radio 2.

I worked alone, weeding and sweeping, for the morning, the boss did similar elsewhere and my workmate struggled miserably with uprooting some shrubs.

It is always a hard day on the estate. We work very hard because we don't really have enough time for the size and scope of the estate, but never mind, it is work. It would be great if there was more budget and thus more time for our work.
After lunch the boss came and worked with me, and we weeded and swept peacefully and generally got a lot done, while my workmate was having a miserable time with shrubs, which he was unable to salvage.

I was glad when home time came, I was tired.

Here at home I had a shower, went to the shops, had a huge supper, and am sleepily reading some Saint before I have an early night. I am having persistent trouble with pain, and painkillers make little difference, if I could afford it I would go to the clinic so the man could wrench my shoulder back and the pain would go, but I can't afford anything extra, I have no choice about haircut because my hair is a hazard at the moment.

Tomorrow I have one of my new gardens and then the dentist!  Oh well.

The blogs have statted up again, from the Church of England and Winchester, how worrying. Well hi Winchester, how are you? Try not to behave yourself while I am away. Dear Winchester, it is nice that you have joined my journey again, for whatever reason.

What's a brick in a baggle?

Sunday, 5 March 2017

A Short Prayer

Dear Lord and Father,

As I watch the blogs statting up again this evening I wonder what evil the Church of England have inflicted now or what evil they are inflicting, to cause the blogs to stat, including stats from Bath and Wells, who have announced themselves as renouncing You, Lord.
I pray that the evil and harm to me by the Church of England falls back upon them and that they can harm me no longer. I pray in Your Name, Lord Jesus, that the Church of England face punishment at least as catastrophic as the harm that they have inflicted on me. I pray to be free from the Church of England to crawl to my grave in relative peace. In Jesus' Name, amen

Sunday

Good morning and welcome to this service or nortyness led by the Reverend JJ. Nortyperson, today we will talk about denominations - quick churchwardens! Lock the doors!

It is Sunday evening, where did the weekend go?

I went to church this morning, and then I came home, I got some mouthwash on the way home.

I have been reading, I have found it hard to do much else. I have read one and a half Saint books, they were my favourites as a teenager and I treated myself to some Kindle ones to try to break the depression a bit.

I have tomorrow's lunch done, and things are just about in order.

I have a busy week with two new gardens and also a dental appointment and hopefully a haircut too.

The blog stats remain high, which indicates a press attack or police attack or just a lot of nosy sods. Hello nosy sods, you are most welcome.

I will be doing another post soon about my life as it is now.

I had another bad night last night of nightmares and flashbacks and distress. It is hard to snap out of that because I can't get myself to get up and out of the half asleep nightmares and flashbacks, I try to go deeper asleep and it doesn't work. It is a terrible place to get stuck in.


Saturday, 4 March 2017

Saturday

Hey peeps,

The run of flashbacks and nightmares has continued, and last night was bad, so it was hard to get going this morning.

The funny thing was, someone from Southampton has been looking up Korris related articles. Interesting.

Yesterday I went to assess some work, and was offered the work, the whole thing, there and back and viewing the work only took half an hour, but someone nicked Max's parking space, so we had to play musical cars until he was safely parked.

Today I had a quiet day, watching Lesley Nielsen stuff, and this afternoon I assessed another new garden, and got the work. I like the garden I saw today, that will be fun.
So two new gardens in two days. Must be spring. Well the daffodils and primroses are blooming, so it is.

Anyway. This evening I also went and viewed a place that I had been offered a viewing of. I like it but there has been an unforseen delay in it being prepared for habitation, so if I take it it will be six weeks until I move, argh.

Right now I have DYAC, some music and a Saint book to read, staving off the depression. I am also making up my self-employed accounts. I have to be very good and accurate with those. I have basic accounting training and I have a very simple small business so it isn't too hard.

If I go to this new place I will have television again, which will help, sattelite or freesat, plenty of channels, I think it will help with the depression, not that I watch a lot of television but I am very lost here really.




Friday, 3 March 2017

Friday

Good afternoon peeps,

My trousers are in the wash, and as you can imagine, if you only have one pair of trousers, you have to wear a barrel in the meantime and you can't do much while you are wearing a barrel.
Well, actually I am wearing my pyjamas.

It was raining this morning. It is damp and grizzly now, and I have no choice but to wait until I have trousers before I go to get some food and the local paper.
I have maybe enough money for food for the weekend if I am careful, I may have to see if the welfare have some food for me. I have a few potatos, carrots and tomatos left, but my insides will object if I just have vegetables, I still have trouble digesting them. I need a 43p bag of rice and maybe a tin of fish.
I was supposed to get a refund from something but that has been delayed, so I have about £11 until Tuesday, due to the car insurance going out, and you know they put an admin fee on it every time I move house, so it is way too high now. And I do need the paper as I need to find a home and some more work.

I have had a lot of nightmares recently, and a lot of dreams about the church of england and their inquiries. And one night I dreamed about my old friends in the Winchester district, as if we got to say goodbye properly.

I am really battling depression, I didn't recover well from what happened last year and not having a permanent home isn't helping.

This afternoon I am supposed to go and meet these people about a job, but that is badly timed as I will lose my parking space and have to leave Max goodness knows where and on a weekend night too.

I didn't really tell you about the place I was offered to live recently, I had a feeling it couldn't work and it turned out I was correct, they weren't being clear or honest about council tax and other things and I kind of felt it was wrong, plus they had 10 dogs. I have had a few people contacting me today with possible places, so I will see what happens. I need to be somewhere stable and settled. This place is not a slum but it is a transition place and comings and goings and everything here puts me under stress.



Thursday, 2 March 2017

Thursday

Hey peeps,

Tired and aching.

There is a new reader devouring the blog. Slow down new reader, it aint going anywhere, let me tell you all about it.

Yesterday the forecast was bad, but I had my waterproofs, so off I went to work. I pressure washed for four an a half hours solid, and the rain didn't get very heavy.

I was sure I would get sick from the vibration of the pressure washer, so I started taking meds as soon as I got home.

In the evening I went out wiv my mates, and we had a good film evening and a good chat.

It was late by the time I got home to bed, way too late, midnight.

I didn't have worked booked for first thing this morning so I slept in for a bit. I wasn't in any pain when I got up.

Then it was back to the grind.

I went up to the care home and did some very solid and hard weeding. I worked hard, and I really am aching now. It has been the most glorious sunny day though, real spring weather, it makes everything look and feel different.

Tomorrow rain is due and I have nothing booked apart from that delayed potential new client meeting in the afternoon.

I am more likely to be ill tomorrow just from the sudden increase in hard work and machinery use, I am on meds and have deep heat cream rubbed in, but we shall see.

I am just going through the DYAC website and mooching about. My friend sent me videos of his band so I must look through them.




Tuesday, 28 February 2017

Tuesday

Good evening peeps,

Our dear old channel islands are to be freed today.

I will tell you two things about cars, peeps, one is that they are expensive little sods, and the other is, if you think something is wrong with your car, act upon it, you know your car best.

Max has just cost me quite a lot of money, but he is safe to drive.

The car's best friend couldn't find anything when he did the initial test drive, and then he went through everything, and it was finally he really found the fault!
And it was an expensive sodding fault. But at least I had got Max in promptly, because Max could have caused an accident if I had ignored the problem.
But we learned from what happened with Florence.

The other year, Florence was all hot and huffy, and I nipped her round to the car's best friend, 'ah, she's alright. you are fussing over nothing!' he said.
Florence blew her head gasket a few days later.

So this time I knew there was something wrong and neither of us doubted it, although it took some time to locate the fault, but if it had been left, Max would be dangerous.

Anyway, so suddenly I was facing quite a bill for Max, the car's best friend is a very honest mechanic but this repair took a lot of time and parts. So as well as the Max bill, I had the rent due.
I had to ask someone for a sub.

So last night I went to collect Max, wind, rain and cold. The car's best friend texted me as I walked, and he offered to collect me, so I stopped and was collected.

Max is safe home. Little so and so, but he isn't deliberately norty like Florence, so I forgive him.

The rent and the car bill is paid, and I have managed to get some toiletries and waterproofs. Life in poverty is hard work sometimes but there are bright days when there is food and toiletries and cups of tea.

Anyway, so this morning me and my workmate set off back to the day's work we had to abandon yesterday. We had a good day, although I am worried that even the struggle to get the mower started after the winter may have an impact on me, in the pain sense, by tomorrrow. Plus the vibration of the mower when my system has forgotten it.
However, despite the grass being long and wet, it came up nicely all round, which was good.
The day was mainly mowing and strimming, with a bit of clearing and transplanting.
So the grass cutting season has started!
Although the wind was strong and cold, it wasn't affecting us on the seafront, for once! It must have been an offshore wind and we had the buildings to block it.

The rain came in at about 3pm but we got all the mowing done.

I got home in time to go to the shops for food and a new pair of cheap waterproofs.
Now all I need is new trousers and boots/shoes, and a haircut and a new backpack too. Life gets very threadbare and scruffy at times.

Tomorrow I will go and do pressure washing, at last, not that I enjoy it, but it will earn some money. And in the evening I am going out for DVD night, I hope they have picked something decent to watch! I didn't enjoy that cinema trip the other week, but maybe no-one knew how crap Lala Land was.

Those who wonder, yes I have had to give up music for now, I can't try to juggle work, study, fighting for my life against the Church of England and keeping a roof over my head, it is a bit too much and I got too tired.

A toast

'And our dear Channel Islands are to be freed today...' Winston Churchill May 8th 1946.

'And out Queer Channel Islands are to be freed today...' JJ. Nortyperson February 28th 2017.

Here's to the Queer Old Dean!




Monday, 27 February 2017

Monday

Good morning peeps,

We have that universal swearword 'Rained off' today.

So unfair when I need the money so much.

I went to hitch a lift with my workmate in the van and we headed to get the mowers from the lockup as we aimed to start the mowing season today, the forecast was bad, and I had texted and emailed last night to make sure we were going ahead. It had been decided we would be optimistic, but once we got the mowers, the torrential rain started.
We waited in the van for some time, with the water leaking in :( and decided we were rained off. It is still raining and I am home, having had a shower and some tea and toast, trying to focus on manuscripts, while my workmate and the boss have a little bit of woodwork in the workshop and dropping the ride on mower off for repair.

We are going to do tomorrow for today's work, which pushes my work tomorrow onto Wednesday, far from ideal when the rent is due and the car is going to cost whatever to repair, plus the insurance is due this week.

So, what has happened the weekend? Well I was going to work the day on Saturday, it was still windy on the cliff top but nothing like as bad as Thursday, so I spent the morning up there. But by afternoon I was so tired and fed up that I didn't work the afternoon, I came home and watched DVDs.

On Sunday I just couldn't help it, I went to my foster church. They were suitably impressed that I was overriding my church allowance for the month, and I was invited to a DVD film night.
Church was as good as usual.

We decided something. I can go to church if I want to most weeks, the services is an hour and I only get flashbacks and distress for about 10 or 15 minutes during that, and not severe and I don't go away distressed, and seeing as Fisher has stopped slandering me to churches and I have answered back the church spreading slander, I feel able to risk church. So the church is now long-term foster or adoptive church. I know there is still a risk of the Church of England and their police, but I may as well take that risk. I met and got on well with a number of churches while I was homeless and on the run from Fisher and her authorities. I have to build on achievement and hope, including the hope that I can have some sort of relationship with God again eventually.

Anyway, so that is that. At home I cooked chicken and potatoes and rice for several meals, and tidied my room and prepared for the working week and even had a quick look at manuscripts.

Then I reluctantly removed my tools and things from Max and drove him to the Car's Best Friend.
I left Max outside and dropped the keys through the letter box and made my way back on foot.

The roads up there are pitch black and pot holed and the wind was howling. I walked carefully along the hill as the lights of town shone below, and then I was back on the lit road down to town, it was a quiet walk, I didn't see anyone. It was nice to be out walking. My agrophobia has been bad since the church and police attacks last year and I don't go walking for the sake of it, but the evening is a nice time for a walk and I didn't get stressed.

By the time I had got home, the car's best friend had already taken Max for a short spin and hadn't been able to identify the problems yet.

I haven't heard from him yet, I will have to walk through the pouring rain to collect Max, but I hope that will be soon as I have to go and meet a potential new customer out on a farm and assess the work.
Max is likely to only be assessed today so I hope he is safe to drive.

I guess the rest of my day is about manuscripts. I got tired because the intensity of my production of books has been very high and so it is hard to find the energy to work on the more mundane books now after 'Destruction', 'Very Cuttings' and 'The Churchwarden'.