This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Friday, 15 June 2018


Good evening peeps,

Well, no better. Temperature up and down like a bouncy ball, in and out of sleep, and coughing.

To make things worse, the Bishop of Winchester is failing in his obligations.
He is supposed to have me hounded, beaten and imprisoned by police routinely. It has been 8 months since his last bodged attempt and he is stubbornly refusing, as if he hadn't failed enough already.
Things have gone downhill, does the man expect me to arrange my own beatings and imprisonments now or something? In their heyday the diocese could arrange a quick beating within minutes.

Thursday, 14 June 2018


Good evening peeps,

I was very poorly today, my temperature rocketed and I was sweating and I couldn't breathe.
I was asleep for a very long time, long enough to get very dehydrated and to trigger pain because I couldn't support my head and neck in my sleep. There is no-one here, my landlord is away, and I was asleep for so long, I was just too ill to do anything, I haven't eaten.

I was dreaming about Jersey and Winchester.
In my dream there was the storm that was so bad that it washed that shark up on the wall at Noirmont, like what happened in those final days of the Church of England destroying me in Jersey.

I dreamed about the sea in the sunlight, it was turquoise blue and Anna was on the ferry with her ferry collar, and she was at the back, so I could stand there and see her and see the steaming light on the ferry as we rode the bay to St. Helier. Dreams are funny, how they confuse night and day. The steaming light and the storm and dark couldn't be at the same time as the sunlight on the water.

A trio of angels holding candles of life, guide a ship to an unknown shore. 
Travelling along a cloudy path, with a wing a heart and a prayer. 

I dreamed of Winchester, my people were still there in my dream, and the Cathedral was the landmark of my home, rather than a symbol of the hatred and injustice of the church of england. I dreamed that me and Poppy were rolling down the Arbour bank in the snow, and it was sausage and potato for supper at home. Jewry street was in the sunlight and life was young and beautiful.
It was night and day at the same time there as well.

But when I woke up, I woke up to illness and complete loss of hope, and agony.

I didn't, as you may have guessed, have any more spine treatment, and I can't, so I will lose my spine and legs, and I didn't go to London or to work today. I slept for many hours and I feel very very ill.

Wednesday, 13 June 2018


Good evening peeps,

Things have been really bad.

I have a really severe chest infection, which has now gone to a temperature, and a cool shower hasn't helped.

I would have earned the money for my spinal treatment by now but on Monday I was sick, and by the time I was feeling better, when the care home emailed to say they had the bedding plants, I thought that would be a good job to do, but the compost hadn't arrived.
Then yesterday morning I went to go to work and Max wouldn't start, worse still, I had rolled him back to move out, and I was blocking the garage.

The car's best friend arrived a few hours later, I had tried to write some articles in the meantime, we jump started Max, but his battery was old and knackered, so we went to the industrial estate and changed it.

That took all my reserve money, so it was looking impossible to raise the money for the spinal treatment, which was booked for tomorrow, along with my transport and fares.
By the time Max was running, it was 1pm, and the morning's work was lost.

The care home had the compost, so I went and did that, but I felt exhausted and useless, hundreds of bedding plants later, I came home with enough time to shower and go back out to see my friends, they are so busy that we have trouble finding time to meet up, and I was so tired I nearly cancelled.

We had a very nice evening though and it was good to see them. They know my landlord and they know he wants my room back so he can run a bed and breakfast, so they and all my friends are looking for somewhere for me.

Last night I coughed all night, really bad, little sleep. The chest infection came from not being able to get away from allergens on the train and around public places and transport in Wales, but it has become a really bad one and now my temperature is up as well.

Today was just as much a disaster. I can no longer even do a morning's heavy work, my back has simply given in and said it won't hold, so I am dividing all my work into two hour slots, which is annoying but I can't work otherwise, so I went and did two hours for my lady on the cliffs, but she was having a bad day, worried sick over a scan for returning cancer, she went for her scan, and I battled trauma and flashbacks as I worked alone.

Then the DWP contacted me to say that they had totally trashed my PIP claim and were removing my DLA.
As I am sure you can imagine, this means no psychological therapy, and worse beyond imagining, I cannot continue and complete the spinal treatment, and my spine will degenerate until I am incapacitated, and there is nothing I can do. Even if the NHS hadn't destroyed me and thrown me away in conjunction with the church and police, they do not offer the treatments that would save my spine, their usual line is to feed dangerously strong drugs to people, and I react to those, so saying that I should go to the NHS now would not be appropriate, I work for people who have  been left with this pain and degeneration and the NHS are just pumping drugs into them.

So, I have lost my battle to save my spine and my career, I have lost the delivery driving work, I am losing my home, Max has been hit by the neighbour's car and has also broken down, and now his gear stick has broken,  I have a raging chest infection and a temperature, and tomorrow I have tickets and fares pre-booked to a spinal treatment that I have no money for and have had to cancel, for good.
Anyone for some rhubarb trifle?

It's really not funny.

Monday, 11 June 2018


Good evening peeps,

Last night I took Max for a short drive, but it wasn't the same as driving the Passat along the endless Welsh Roads. Max is small and his handbrake and gears are different, and I had to get used to it all after getting used to the Passat.
I was right to be worried about Max with the crazy neighbours, one of them has bumped his side and left him with a dent and scratch and knocked his trim, but of course they won't own up to it, and no one else could have done it, they have reversed into him.

Anyway, Last night I didn't sleep well, I had a headache and I was coughing, with troubled dreams and shallow, patchy sleep.
I woke this morning feeling unbelievably ill. My chest was terrible and my head too. I had hoped to start work at 8 and get three gardens done, but that wasn't happening.

It was murder, going through meds and saline, trying to just get as far as being human.
I had to go to the chemist, I didn't want to go anywhere but the pharmacist gave me something that wouldn't clash with codeine, and told me that if I wasn't getting better then I would need antibiotics.
I have no wish to be on those, so I am doing my best to clear my lungs.

Anyway, the care home emailed me and said they had hundreds of bedding plants delivered for me to play with, I thought that would be a nice light occupation on a warm summer day and it might help me to feel better. I had told them before they ordered, that we would need compost, but when I arrived, there was a splendid array of bedding plants and no compost!
I spoke to the manager and they had ordered compost, but it hadn't been delivered, so they phoned and it should be delivered tomorrow.
In the meantime I used what old compost I had, to get some planters done, and I added feed and water gel to improve the old compost, and I watered all the bedding plants that are still waiting to be done.
And that was the extent of today's work, I coughed my way home and got on with some writing and more meds.

This evening I found out that the people I do delivery driving have done the same again, got the old driver back, the one who has accidents and is off all the time, and replaced me again, ha, it gets a bit stupid, they aren't very good to work for, because they keep doing this.

I decided to have a drive along the cliffs, as I have got a bit overwhelmed now, the holiday and return home, being ill, the delivery driving situation, and also my landlord wanting this place back, he only took me in as a temporary, and now he wants to proceed his plans for running a bed and breakfast.
So I took a drive to the cliffs, the bay had no surf, no surfers, a calm sea with a wave breaking on the shoreline.
As I headed back, my friend who lives on the cliffs was walking the dog, and she spotted me and I spotted her, and so I ended up back at theirs for a tea and chat, they already know all about my situation and things, so they are looking for a home for me and putting the word out, and it was good to chat to them.
I don't normally see my friends in the evenings except if it is what we arranged, like when I see my other friends tomorrow evening for a hot chocolate appointment, but that was totally by chance this evening, and very comforting and nice.

So here I am home, coughing me lungs out, and gonna sleep on some codeine and hope it is all better in the morning.

I just got another perfect score on a transcription project, and I have a book review and an article to finish.

Sunday, 10 June 2018


Good evening peeps,

Broadcasting from home, sitting in bed. Tired.
I wasn't too bad when I woke at about 10am. I just got tired as I tried to work and do chores as normal, but I have got the shopping, done the washing, and not got much work done.
I have a book review and an article and limitless other things to do.
I still have this cough as well.

On Friday I drove to Cardiff and stayed in the bed and breakfast, it was OK, lots of tea and coffee, a comfy bed, and a TV that worked, the door banging didn't last long, and although I was worried that the bed was too soft, it was fine, the pillows were absolutely lovely and I slept well.

I woke early and tipped myself indignantly out of bed for shower, dressing, and breakfast, before I set off on my drive. I had been so tired that I didn't do much in Cardiff, I had a look round town and a look at the stadium and castle, although the castle was closing, so I couldn't do a proper tour. The stadium is huge, and the Stereophonics were there this weekend, so it was all a bit mad in Cardiff, but I am pleased to see that Cardiff is regenerating just as Newport is. And I loved seeing all the trains.

Anyway, so after a pleasant stay in Cardiff, I set off, Cardiff and Swansea bays were under a low cloud and mist, so I couldn't see anything of the Volvo Race.
I drove out from Cardiff to Swansea, and I enjoyed seeing the big dark hills at Port Talbot. I have a funny story about Port Talbot, I nearly went to live there once.

Swansea Bay was very boring under a low cloud and a far tide, not even worth comparing with our seascapes here. Still, it was a nice drive, and I had Nation on the radio. Nation is a Welsh National Radio Station, and it is always very good.

I drove over to the Mumbles. I have to say, the Gower Peninsula was like a cross between Jersey in a sulk, and home, I didn't find it as awesome as I had hoped, or as my friends had hoped. They like it.
There are lots of bays, some close together and you have to go up and down winding little roads, and the Passat is much bigger than Max.

When I take over Wales, I am going to have the Peninsula redesigned, shortened, and we will merge some bays. Vote me in, Jane Dodds lost the last election by tens of thousands, so she won't win against me. I may even put my redesign of the Gower Peninsula to vote before I ignore the vote and proceed.

You start out at 'Bracelet Bay' which is a lovely name for a slightly boring area. Then you trot through lots of mundane bays and then you find the long sweepy beaches that are more like back home.
I have to admit, the highlight for me was the Welsh Ponies grazing free on an area that was like the New Forest. Wales has the Welsh Cobs those as worked in the mines, and the Welsh Mountain Ponies, these looked to me like Welsh Mountains, (yes I do know a bit about horses and ponies) and they were sleek, beautiful, and very unafraid, I got pictures of them as they grazed by the road and mooched on the road with their foals. That was awesome, I will post the pictures at some point.

Anyway, so I got my head in a spin, trying to make my way round the peninsula, and in the end I was flagging and getting tired and crotchety, so I pulled over and got some photos of the boring and hazy bay, and started back.

A few hours later I lunched at a service station on the M4, and texted my friends that I was on my way back. The service station had surprisingly good tea :)

I arrived back at theirs in time for another good cup of tea before they dropped me off at the train station.
They said again that I can have the Passat if anything goes wrong with Max before they trade the Passat in next year, and it isn't such a mad idea, I can drive the Passat well, and it is a nice drive, the problem is, it is big and I can't really afford to run it.

It was sad to say goodbye to my friends again. And then it was the long harsh journey home. The train was still very crowded but not as bad as on the way up, and I was able to sit, alone, writing was hard as the internet wasn't working and I didn't have a table seat, so I couldn't do much, and I didn't have a book with me and couldn't access Kindle. I kept my collar on and kept taking me meds and water, I drank the whole litre by three hours, and I could have done with more.

The journey home took five and a half hours, the train was running late, but I got home.
I am tired now.

I have to get a lot of work done over the next few days, before I go to  London, and I am taking Max, not ideal, but travelling to London isn't ideal in any way, shape or form, it is just something I have to do.

Friday, 8 June 2018


Good evening peeps,

The increased stats indicate that the church of england's rag paper are drivelling again, they do that on Fridays, they spend three years actively destroying me for the church and when I challenged them they whimpered themselves into the ground and continued to attack and destroy me for the church.

I have a slight chest infection, no wonder, all these unusual environments with cigarette smoke, perfume and out of bounds cleaning products and substances that don't exist in my personal hamster wheel at home. And I was enjoying the fresh air from the open window, but someone is smoking dope outside, which is never good for my lungs.

Earlier I left my friends to do their stress and unpacking things, they were happy with their clean house and contented cat.
I drove down here, but I got so tired that all I could do was go to the shops, get food, and come back here to rest and watch television.

My bed and breakfast is very basic, but loads of teabags, sugar and milk in the kitchen, and a kettle, and coffee, so I have had hot drinks and television for the afternoon and evening. I have got very little work done.
The road here is permit parking, but the landlord showed me some parking by the railway wall for the Passat. I am very grateful to my friends for letting me take the Passat touring, and I am looking forward to tomorrow's day of genuine driving holiday before I sadly depart homewards, which will be a lot of travelling. I will only have a day to recover before I return to work and then confuse my body and mind with the London run.
And, here's an unusual one for the London run, I am probably taking Max, and there are reasons for that, but just as I can't tell you where I am tonight until I have finished my journeys tomorrow, I can't tell you why, for my safety, the police seige of my home for the church the other year was the ultimate lesson in how I will never be safe but I have to try my best.

Anyway, just to make me more tired, I have the farm for a week after the London run, I am wondering, the tiredness won't relent, when I was younger some of you may remember, the doctors muttered about CFC, M.E. or fibromyalgia, and I wonder if it has returned, or if this is just my mind and body giving up under the weight of the church's destruction of me and the struggle to work and live with a broken spine and all the other things.
God how gloomy all of that is, I don't waste thoughts on these things.

It was quiet here at the B&B until recently, you know what B&Bs are like, especially on weekend nights, people come in late and bang doors.

Anyway, it has been lovely to see trains, freight trains, and to drive fast roads. If tomorrow goes well then it will have been an almost ideal holiday despite my lack of spending money.


Hey peeps.

Well I don't have to say goodbye to the Passat yet. My friends are back, and I had done the shopping and housework, and now I am borrowing the Passat to do a day or two of scenic touring, staying in a bed and breakfast, and then I will be heading home.

It has been a pleasant week despite the trauma and the limitations that disability put. It has been nice to have a holiday structured by looking after the house and cat for my friends, and with the use of the car.

All I have to do now is pack my things, and I can head off any time and enjoy exploring some scenic routes as planned. I may go to the bed and breakfast first and get some work done, and then start my touring.

Thursday, 7 June 2018


Good evening peeps,

Noswaith dda,


Well I finished my main sightseeing today.
I did sleep through the night, thanks to the exciting day yesterday. I woke with little pain or trauma, especially as I got up quickly and early.

I wanted a castle on my list of trips, but choosing a castle was hard work, the Welsh got a bit carried away with building castles.

It is funny seeing Wales as a tourist, and much better than living and working here was. It is nice to smell the mountains instead of the harsh salt-swept sea air that I do love in it's own way.

So anyway, last night I made a desperate stab at the map and chose Chepstow Castle.
Those who don't know the real me, I have been doing photo shoots and writeups of attractions and local interest places since I moved to Jersey, but back then it was a bit aimless and wobbly, and more recently it has become part of my training as a writer, and I send my writeups with photos to the attractions as feedback afterwards, so I overcome my agorophobia and autism by assessing the whole site busily and taking pictures and discussing what I see and experience, it is very rewarding.
I have always had an interest in history, archaeology and architecture, although I still can't fit anything into categories, but I enjoy having the interests without any strong knowledge.

I don't usually post writeups on here due to the location risk that remains from the church, police, journalists and cranks, but I feel that it safe to discuss Wales.

Anyway, Chepstow Castle is medieval, which means dead old, even older than the other castle I did a while back. It is a fairly big castle, but far from the biggest in Wales, and it is on the banks of the Wye. The castle's boast is that it has the oldest doors in the country at 800 years old.

What I will do again is do another blog with the photography, when I have time, the same as when I do the coal face pictures as a blog.

Chepstow Castle has a relatively low entrance fee, which makes it more attractive, it is also close to a few other attractions, these are some of the reasons I chose it, in desperation.

Finding my way through the town was tricky, I kept wandering in and out of England, and I arrived, I went to get a parking ticket, surprisingly reasonable cost compared to what we are used to, the only problem was, I was driving the Passat, and had parked it in a corner and walked to the ticket machine, and the machine asked for the car registration! Ha, I didn't know the Passat's registration. Back I went, got the reg, and then still struggled with the machine. I got it in the end.
Then I went and had a quick look in the tourist centre. I decided to go to the museum over the road before I went to castle.

The museum was OK, not remarkable, but not bad. They had a lot of stuff from the last century, so not that old, and some Victorian stuff too. The Victorian stuff was interesting, they had mangles, dollys and washboards. I liked the model steam engine on the landing. Downstairs they had a place where you could listen to and watch TV adverts from the 60s, which were funny. They did have some good stuff like coins and art and grandfather clocks, and a massive gramaphone. It wasn't the most wonderful museum, but it was OK.

So, I trotted up to the castle, and the staff were very nice to me, and I got my ticket and scuttled in with my camera and got on with my review.

Ooh, the views of the Wye from the castle wall were pretty lovely, it is a pity that the Wye and the Usk are so muddy, maybe I have been away so long that I forgot muddy rivers. At one point the castle and cliff go up very sheer from the river, and it made for great pictures.

I went down to the cellars and admired them, and wandered around what used to be the kitchen, and out into a tower. There were loads of children trying to do documentaries for their school project, and they were embarrassed by me wandering past and they fluffed their lines. I just wanted to get my pictures without disturbing them.

I continued on the castle walls, up to the towers at the end, there is a huge building called the Great Hall or Great Tower, and it is huge, you can go inside it too, and I did. I continued the castle walls to the towers at the far end and continued to take pictures.

Apart from the children, it was relatively quiet and I wasn't crowded at all. I went back, via everything, to the towers at the car park end, now those are intricate and lavish, they were designed by the Earl for guest accommodation if the King wished to visit. The children were being given archery lessons on the green open space as I left.

I had climbed many steps and I was exhausted, so that was the end of my tour, and it was all lovely. They are the only attraction I have visited this year that don't really have a cafe or substantial refreshments, so now I headed into town. I had hoped to  head on to Tintern Abbey, seeing as it was nearby, but despite stopping in town for food and drink, my exhaustion remained, and I knew I couldn't cope with the Abbey as well, it is frustrating being disabled this way.

So I took to heading home.

I forget that the Passat isn't Max, so I still say 'Go Max!', but Max never needed me to say that, it was a habit from Florence, Florence was an old lady, she didn't like hills, so me and mum used to go 'Go Flo!' when we went up big hills. But the Passat is a big powerful diesel, it doesn't need encouragement.

Out of Chepstow there were many miles of road cones, which was keeping the speed down as the workforce worked on the barrier, the road signs forgot to tell anyone in English what they were doing, so I helpfully translated it for you.

arafu, gwaith ffordd.

Slow down, roadworks.

The Welsh crack up at my use of the language. My cousins were lucky to grow up in Wales, fully bilingual, but I didn't live in Wales until I was a teenager and I took my Welsh certs as an adult.

I got home this afternoon and my sightseeing is pretty much over now. I don't intend to drive the Passat again, although I have really enjoyed myself. The huge endless Welsh roads always have my affection, I would love to go on driving them, and the M4, driving this big car. Because where I live, little car Max doesn't know what a motorway is, and in our insular space, the fastest Max knows is the dual carriageway on the avenue or the five mile road when the grockles aren't slowing us down. I miss the fast driving of the UK, and I can still drive fast and drive on motorways without any trouble, so it has been a delight. I will be back, I can't come and live here just because I love the roads and the freedom. I will be back and I will visit Tintern Abbey or other places next time.

This morning I put a load of laundry on, and when I got back, I hung it out and put a few of my friends' towels and things on to wash too, my friend had a big order that was only just finished in time, so they were in such a scramble for their holiday that they left towels waiting for a wash. And I include tidying and cleaning in my house sitting.

My friends were originally due to be away for the full week, but then they had to change plans because of work and bookings, and then they now have to return the camper that they hired tomorrow morning, so they will be home by lunchtime tomorrow, and then we are going to visit the last attraction that I wanted to go to, because one of them wants to see it too. At least they got a short break, they needed that, and the cat has been fine, I have got her medicine into her every day and looked after her, and she is happy enough, purring and things.

Tomorrow I will walk into town, it is a very short walk, but I don't need to drive anywhere, I am now back in my office as a freelance writer, and I will earn my living for the remainder of the week. This is why it will be a good career when it takes off, I can work anywhere, so being homeless won't matter.

Wednesday, 6 June 2018


Good evening peeps,

I am in my office. I completed an article, did some reviews, and am mooching through various work.

The day started badly because I wasn't deeply asleep and I was in pain, so I suffered trauma about the church of england and police all night. Eventually I had done the chores here and I went out.

I had planned to go to Cardiff, it was a nice enough drive, despite the amount of speed cameras on the way and in Cardiff. I don't speed, but I am not so good at gauging the speeds with an unfamiliar car and road, I didn't speed, my satnav makes a rude noise if I almost go over the speed limit.

When I was at Cardiff I started feeling tired and ill, so I stopped for a cuppa and some food, and tried to gather myself together. I decided eventually to do a change of plan and go to the place that I most wanted to visit, which wasn't in Cardiff, it was at Blaenavon.

The drive was nice, and the adventure was epic. I went to the Big Pit, Wales's National Coal Museum, which has been the long anticipated highlight of my holiday.

So, I went down a coal mine.

There are huddle of attractions at Blaenavon, including a working steam railway that was unfortunately not running today, those who know me know I am a great fan of trains, especially steam trains, I am not a fan of bad train services like the one that I came to Wales on. But anyway, there is also an ironworks centre and a heritage centre, but I didn't have time for those today, and I didn't mind, the pit was what I really wanted to see first of all. Maybe next time for the rest of it.

I went into the visitor centre to ask them to for change for parking, and they were very kind and helpful, the Pit is amazingly free, but parking is a few pounds.

I did the parking and then they gave me a ticket to go down the mine, they told me it was a bit busy and noisy in the waiting room but I should go and wait and a guide would come.
The waiting room was full of language school children, so it was a bit noisy, but they were under control, unlike the ones back home.
I waited at the back as guides came up every 10 minutes to take groups, and I moved forward each time a group went, a German couple joined me, and they were a bit daunted by the children too, but they and I were put together as a separate group, just three of us, and we were issued safety equipment, a hat, a lamp, a safety mask in a tin. We had to wear the hats and lamps but the masks went on a belt.

No phones, car keys or cameras are allowed in mines due to the risk of sparks. So we left our things in a locker, and boarded the lift. The lift went down 300 feet, which is a long way in the dark, with water dripping down the lift shaft. It's a right head rush.

At the bottom, we went into the mining tunnels, some of them are very low, sinking into the ground despite the supports, we found some of the coal trucks, and we were shown how the alarm system alongside the tunnel used to work, just by pressing wires together, before the massive tragedy caused by wire sparking led to a different system being used, we were given so many dates and figures for things, but what I remember is that the mine was opened in 1860, and there was a previous mine on the site in 1840.

The mine has white gas, which is dangerous and is cleared out each day with ventilators. We got to to see the machinery, the massive winching machinery. And then we continued into the low tunnels. It was a lot about bending over to avoid hitting your head, and it was pressure on my spine and lungs but not too much. The floor was wet and there were tracks for the coal trucks.

We were told about the circulation of good and foul air up and down shafts and through tunnels,  and there was a door to deflect the good air, but the door had to be opened to let the horses through, so they used to tie a six year old boy to the door, with a candle, so he would open and close the doors to let the horses in and out, he was tied to the door because it was easy for the candle to go out, and they couldn't afford to lose the door.
Can you imagine a six year old down there in the dark, tied to a door in the cold air and dark? And at great risk of death as he let the horses through.

Anyway, we went on, to the horse stables, they used Welsh Cobs, which are relatively large compared to what you would expect, Dartmoor or Exmoor ponies and the like, I struggle to imagine a Welsh Cob in a mine. They had up to 70 horses down there, in stables cut into the mine. The horses were tended by young boys aged about 7 to 11. The life expectancy of boys working in the mine was 17 years or so. The men who worked in the mines came into the mines to work when they were fully grown, but the children came in when they were six, and didn't live long. Women worked in the mines as well, until Queen Victoria had a commission carried out, and had a law passed forbidding women and children to work in the mine.

We continued through the dripping wet, dark and dank mine tunnels, learning more about the tunnels, the carriages that are still there, still full of coal. And we went to the coal face. The coal face used to be extremely dangerous, dug out by hand as rocks fell, until a lethal machine like a giant chainsaw was invented, and it ran up and down the coal face and cut the coal out, the coal then went on a belt that ran it down to the waiting trucks, and they were then moved out by horse or motor.

The mine tunnels run 10 miles underground, into the hills that I will post some pictures of on the next blog. I will do this blog seperate from the pictures as it is all such heavy stuff. I have no pictures of underground as it is illegal, as I said.

The guide is an ex miner, and he was telling us about the use of candles and how dangerous it was in a mine, and he explained that inventions had been made to make it safer, he showed us something and asked if we knew what it was, and I did.

'It's a Davey Lamp!'

The visit to the coal pit touched my roots and ancestry, of course I grew up by a different coalfield, even if this one looks so similar, and my Dad worked at the mine, but in the office. The pub down the road was called 'The Davey Lamp' because we were on the coalfield, where there was mining. I used love our walks up to the snibby, to see the coal trucks, I was really scared of trains back then but I loved them all the same.
It felt so strange to be kind of going back to my roots.

It was real special to see a Davey Lamp, and have it explained, it was like fitting a piece in the puzzle of my roots, the davey lamp gauges the amount of methane underground and tells miners how safe it is, as well as providing them with light. They did also use canaries, but usually after a methane explosion, and the canary is more susceptible to methane and dies before the danger to the miners becomes serious.

It was funny that the guy kept speaking to me as if I was Welsh as well, I am English Welsh, my accent is Queens English with a little cider. I am usually rude in Welsh, but not out of disrespect for the Welsh Welsh.

Anyway, that was it, we put our lamps out and went back up the shaft in pitch black, to watch the light grow as we went up. But in the pit, without light, your eyes don't adjust to the dark as they do in open air, it is pitch black. I got to meet the canaries when I went to take my lamp back.

That was the experience of a lifetime, I always wanted to do that.

After that I enjoyed scrambling round the machinery and artifacts, one of the museum displays was closed, but I went in the other and made the most of it, a great photo shoot. I saw the miners' baths and lockers, and a huge amount of artifacts and video demonstrations, it was fun.
I got some pictures of the hills of the coal field as well. It was too late in the day to visit the other local attractions, and I was really tired, absolutely drained, so I thanked everyone for making that experience of a lifetime so special for me, and I headed home.

At home I have been doing housework and working, and looking after the cat, and idly watching television.

You know what's funny? At home I watch Are you being Served DVDs on repeat, and that is my calming, soothing, safety thing, and here I am in Wales, and when I turn the TV on, the same Are you being Served series is on television. I didn't bring any DVDs with me. I have Amazon and Netflix, but Are you being Served isn't on either.

It has been another cool day, but more sunny, pleasant. I had a lovely Chinese meal for supper, because I am on holiday.


Good morning peeps,

I had a lot of trauma in the night about the unresolved injustice of my case.
And I woke up with my spine hurting. I am sleeping in my friends' bed but it doesn't support the broken part of my spine very well.

I have just about sorted the cat out, although she would like some peanut butter on toast as well. She is telling me so.

I am going to look at castles and mines today, so that will keep me occupied.

That's a spare mountain, the mountains aren't very exciting until you get to Norf Wales.
I am loving the smell of the mountains, I missed it, but when I breathe in deep, these awful chest pains are worse.

Last year I came to Wales briefly, to help someone, but I don't think I documented that on the blog, although the blog is a snapshot of the real me, to disprove the Church of England's evil vilification of me, sometimes I have discretion to leave things out, sometimes for other people's sakes.

Tuesday, 5 June 2018


Good evening peeps,

The cat has just found the chicken I put out for her :)

Well what a day. I got on with some work while I waited for my hair appointment, and got a perfect score on a transcription project, I like the company, they pay automatically without you having to put in for a payout. I haven't finished the article I was doing, the company it is for are grungy, I don't like them or their articles, but on a brighter note I got 100% on the book review that I did. So that was work today.

I went and had my hair done. Welsh ladies usually have beautiful hair, and the Salon I went to were very Welsh, they even forgot I have an fairly English accent and they spoke to me in Welsh, which was fine.
 Eisteddwch yma os gwelwch yn dda

But they did the haircut that my hair has been missing since my hairdresser vanished a year ago. I am well impressed with my new Welsh hair, I look like a Welsh lady now :) and it was affordable. And I didn't have to worry about parking.
 It won't last, my hair is completely feral, like a drunk hedgehog, it does it's own thing, I was thinking about getting straighteners, but they cost a lot.

After the haircut I checked the cat and then went for a longer adventure than planned.

I took my friend's car, as arranged, the car is the heavy Passat that they said I could have if Max broke down or failed the MOT too badly. The Passat is running well and also passed it's MOT like Max did, but it is a heavy diesel.

I have been having breathing problems, presumably due to allergens and the stress of change of location and lifestyle, but during that first 10 minutes, driving the Passat across town, it felt like my lungs were going to pop out.

I had my satnav with me, as it is better to use my own that I am used to with my work, so I followed the satnav and was very careful with an unfamiliar car and unfamiliar roads. Ha, I had the funniest experience though.

My friend had said the car had loads of diesel, and I had taken her word for it and not even looked at the gauge, although I had sat and familiarized myself with the controls before I sat off, I think the engine was off at the time, and then I was so focused on trying to control the car and drive unfamiliar routes. So when the fuel warning light came on, I was a bit worried, Welsh roads are endless and fuel can get scarce.

I was in luck as there was a small fuel station, however, I didn't know which side of the Passat the fuel cap was! I went for one side and it was the other, and because the Passat is huge compared to Max, the fuel line wasn't going to stretch, but worse, I didn't know how to undo the fuel cap! My friends had been meaning to get my driving the Passat while they were here but they had got in such a last minute panic for going away that it got forgotten, along with various things, but I am independent, so I didn't think it mattered.

Anyway, so scrambling vainly with the fuel cap, parked the wrong side, I pulled my phone out and texted my friend, and then spotted the fuel button in the car, undid the cap, couldn't get the fuel line to stretch, and awkwardly scrambled the big car round to the other side of the pumps, and fueled up. The attendants in the teeny petrol station were nearly dead from laughter by now. And I sniggered too, and lumbered the Passat off to continue the journey after paying and explaining it was my first time driving the car.

On I went, and there was the junction where I could either go to the coal museum, which I really want to, or to Abergavenny, and I decided I couldn't wait to see Abergavenny again, so I headed that way.
The familiar sight above Abergavenny, and this is the Passat, see what I mean about her being a heavy machine compared to our Max?

I really enjoyed the drive down from Abergavenny to Brecon, and at Brecon I remembered the way.

Out onto that fast road that I used to drive along with Daffyd/David Williams when I was learning to drive, when I was a spotty teenager, and it is still an amazing drive. And before long, there is that turning, and the Griffin, still the revolting colour that it has always been.

'Verr-an-Vach! HAHA! And guess what, Martine, I never took your advice on men, and I am glad I didn't! I wish the English would invent their version of the unpronouncable in English sound that the Welsh and Hebrews have always had. FelinFatch means Water Mill, although if you look Water Mill up in a Welsh dictionary, you will get a different word altogether. I don't know where the mill is, but there is a river down there that I used to wade in with the retired collie.

So, here is the farm I worked on.
Unfortunately I was not able to get you the views that I used to see every day, partly because there was a haze over both the Brecon Beacons and the Black Mountains, and so the pictures really didn't show them, and because I didn't go right up to the farmhouse and the back fields where the views were so good. But every day, even though I was unhappy, I thought the mountains were beautiful, and I preferred the Black Mountains, their shape is more angular, more sharp, than the Beacons.

I did go up that endless track, and stopped some distance to the farmhouse, if the farmer is still there after all these years, and he might be if you look at the crop and sheep management, he will still be a bully and a psychopath, so I had no wish to see him apart from to tell him what I thought of him and to tell him that after all these years and with a broken back, I am a skilled landbased worker. He wouldn't recognize me, I was elective mute and my background and autism hadn't been diagnosed, I was an easy target for him.

Anyway, on to more cheerful things, I didn't nick the combine and drive it through his haystack, I just continued my journey.

See what I mean about the haze on the Black Mountains? You can't see the view I used to see.

Anyway, on I went. I survived it, peeps, I survived it.

That's what I mean about the black mountains being angular compared to the beacons, I wish I could get a really good picture, but I can't. But don't worry, I have better pictures of the Beacons.

 I had a long drive home, I was driving well with the Passat, used to it now, and overtaking the slower vehicles on the dual carriageway.

I got home and fed the cat and got supper. Went over to the shop. Did the bins when I got back, and have been idly watching the usual loops on television. I have taken to working in the kitchen as I sat here to wait for the courier who takes my friend's work and it is a habit, the TV down here is freeview, while the upstairs TVs are sky, the one in the lounge has gone faulty, and I don't watch TV at bed time, so I am missing out having to change hundreds of channels for something to watch when I don't even want to watch TV.


Anfonwch filiwn o bunnoedd i mi, diolch.

Good morning peeps,

I was dreaming all night, some of the dreams were bizarre, I was trying to stop a ship from crashing and sinking in the bay, and the bay was St. Aubins as well as the Great Ship Bay.

But the dreams were much sadder after that. I dreamed of my old community and friends who Jane Fisher and Michael Scott-Joynt violently separated me from, some of whom are long dead and gone now, I dreamed I was there and they were there, but I was seperate from them, I was taking part in everything I took part in, but my friends and I were seperate. I guess that dream was an expression of grief.

I am out of relapse really, and the day is cooler, but I am not going out yet. I have done all the cat care, the cat needs  a lot of looking after because it is old and ill. It has gone to sleep now.

I have an article to work on, 500 words, I am on 67 with that, so it will be in before I go for a haircut and then finally start my sightseeing trips. I want to go down the mine, I wonder how scary that will be? And if it will put too much pressure on my lungs? The relapse yesterday was so bad that my lungs and throat didn't even want to work, but I managed a meal in the evening and slept and now I am almost back to normal. My muscles are not right, and they just seem to give up with fatigue after travelling. I could have done with a walking stick yesterday, and yet today I am pretty much OK.

It is grey and cool today, which is ideal for me.

Monday, 4 June 2018

Monday night

Good evening peeps,

I sat here at the kitchen table while my friends got into their panics over their holiday, and then off they went.

I was so tired that I didn't want to go out, but I also didn't want to waste my holiday on fatigue, so I went out and mooched round the shops. There was a man and a lady talking loudly about Jimmy Savile and the Royal family and going on about how he was supplying them with children. They went on talking really loud and I was so tempted to go over and tell them not to forget the church of england's role in it all.

Anyway, I found a haircut place and booked a haircut for tomorrow, my hair is really bad, I hope they don't make it worse.
But I was so exhausted, that any trips and sightseeing became out of the question and I came home and slept for three hours, still relatively little pain, although I am drugged, but the exhaustion that travel causes is ridiculous.

I need to go and get some groceries.
Tomorrow I hope to get some sightseeing and some work done. I did a book review while I was travelling yesterday and submitted it, and it was accepted. But I feel that I am wasting time by not doing writing work because I am so tired.

Felly, sydd am nofio yn Wysg, mae'r un olaf yn colli eu siwt nofio


Fe wnes i golli Justin mewn twnnel ddoe.

Cyfarchion o gartref fy mhobl, mae'n dda bod yma.

Today is grey  with a slight breeze. I am in very little pain today, but quite tired.

Yesterday, as you know, I had great difficulty with my day's travelling, a long journey is daunting to me under any circumstances, and yesterday's circumstances were pretty bad. It was a very hot day and the trains had no air conditioning, or it wasn't working. There were huge train problems with delays and cancellations and overcrowding as a result, it was also the end of the UK half term, which made it even worse, and travel at the weekend is always an awful thing, which I would normally avoid, but my friends go away again and I had to get here in time to learn to look after their poorly old cat and get to know everything here.

Anyway, the train I was waiting for yesterday was crowded but thanks to my neck brace, which was like a scarf in that heat, I got a seat, and I got here.

I was worried about the impact of yesterday, although I did meds, hydration, exercises, neck brace, and anything that would help me.

I got to the station and my friend collected me, showed me round town briefly and we went home and had a lovely stir-fry, which reminded me about eating properly, because I don't. And then we watched some comedy and then I slept on the sofa. They have a nice long sofa, and once I had got my arm to settle, I was asleep. The long sofa meant that the pillows wedged firmly against the sofa arm, so I could keep my head and neck in place, and my head was supported enough for me to sleep comfortably and without any side effects, I really need to get my head supports at home sorted out, the new pillow I got was useless.

I woke at about 7, there was some early sunlight before grey cloud came down and I had slept through the night, exhausted, I was still tired but not in much pain, which is amazing after yesterday.

I had a wash and got dressed. My friends have the same small loaf as I use, and butter and peanut butter, so, hundreds of miles from home, I had my usual breakfast.

Then we went dog walking. The dog likes several 5 Kilometer walks per day, so we had a long walk, and I was walking better, I was OK, it's just that my lungs are low, something here is really triggering my hayfever, which hadn't bothered me this year until I got here. But I walked OK. Yesterday my lungs had to endure cigarette smoke and perfume, another delight of travelling.

Now my friends are preparing to set off, and we are having some omlettes or something. I am tired. I could do with being asleep. I think we need to invent teleporting, to make travel less difficult.

Sunday, 3 June 2018

Last legs

I am on my last legs, exhausted, aching, struggling to walk. I won't tell you about my adventure, because that is a rare secret, normally I tell you everything, even the toilet, but today no, all I will tell you is that I am soon boarding the last leg to Wales, and I am very tired and struggling. I will be glad to get there now, a nice shower and an early night would be good if my friends can bear it.

Next Leg

Hey peeps,

I am having fun driving everyone mad with updating on different platforms. I got of the train on one platform, and the phone rang, so I had fun struggling through the barriers with the phone in one hand and my backpack and suitcase in several other hands, woohoo.

Here I am, the actual adventures of this leg, if they kick off at all, have not yet begun, because I needed rest and food and things. The train was hot and crowded and cramped and it was everything that my useless body doesn't like. So right now, sitting down and eating and drinking and resting is a good start. I did have a litre of squash and my meds and neck collar, I was very good and looked after myself, but this is still one hell of a journey for me. I will leave here in a few hours and will arrive in Wales for evening.

Well, things are pretty much the same here as they always were, apart from the generator having gone, but a kind and helpful lady rushed to greet me at the very convenient replacement, and so I can journey as I used to for a few hours, and see who I can find of those who I knew.

As for the phonecall, that is to do with the thing I am not telling you, and it may come to nothing, but who knows?

Now, the next step is to go and ask the Christian Barge dwellers if they know what has become of my mates, and if the Christian Barge Dwellers are not here, there is a man who hides out in that symbolic building above the car park, and that man will be astonished to see me and will confess all regarding my old mates. Hm, this may be fun or fruitless, but what matters is, that before the phone rang, as the train came into the station, my heart leaped with joy and there was a lump in my throat, it is like being reunited with a dear old friend. Welcome back, Anna!

Now, I go first to the South, follow the river from the archway with the rats and blood and urine, where I used to sleep so peacefully, and see who I can find.

That was a fun story :) 

Welsh legs

Morning peeps,

I have a wee cough. a wee cough, gettit? Must be this tonsillitis that is still plaguing me since I saw the dental hygenist, I get real bad tonsils because the NHS never did anything about them, I thought it was getting better yesterday, I keep treating it, but it has gone angry again.

Well I was all sorted and packed, struggled to get to sleep, was dreaming sad dreams when I woke with the first alarm at 6am. My landlord was already busy in the garden, he gets up at 5.

I got breakfasted and showered and off we went, he didn't just drop me in town, he dropped me at the travel terminal, which was great, saved lugging me luggage onto the bus and finding fares for old grumpy or Andrew. Ha, you got a mention, Andrew, shout me when it's next Pizza Night!

I was in plenty of time at the terminal, the sea was shining as I wandered along the walk.
We were in time leaving, but not coming in, I had missed the connection by three minutes.
I am camping happily in an old favourite cafe of mine, with strong coffee and my computer, while I wait for the next connection in just over an hour, I don't mind too much. My ticket is flexible.

Next stop isn't actually Wales, I arrive there tonight, but I made it this far, which is good. I am several hours from home now and I worry about Max and Rebecca being good while I am away. Will they be good? Will the crazy neighbours spray Max with gravel while they do mad reversing and turning?

What will happen? Will I ever make it home? This world away from home is very big and full of people and cars and things, where do they all come from? What if I get lost? Why are people smoking when it hurts my lungs?  Who am I? Where am I? What's my name? I'm P. Bailhache, reading documents on a plane!

Tonight my mystery stop en-route will be revealed and hopefully pictures as well.

Saturday, 2 June 2018


Good evening peeps,

I had a bit of a lie-in this morning after yesterday's madness and hard work.
I got up and mooched through my routines, not much pain really.

I went down to the travel hub to check a few things about my travel tickets as I didn't book them, my friend did. That all went well.
Then I had to go and get a suitcase, I think my old one only lasted for that last working holiday, the Scottish one. I have got what they call a cabin case, which is fine, everything fits, and I will have my backpack. I am pretty much packed, last few things in the morning, and then my landlord is dropping me off to the first leg of the journey, I am setting off early, but this household wakes at 5am, so that is OK, I have detour in mind, and am looking forward to it. It isn't what I have been not telling you about, that is another potential addition to my trip. Holidays are scarce, make the most of them.

Anyway, so, due to it being grockle season, my ventures took some time, and then I came home and have got on with chores, packing, and a bit of work.

Pretty much all ready. Just watching films and doing some writing.

My landlord fixed the blue bike, all I have to do is stop him adopting it now :)

It has been a warm and sunny day, but the sea was a tad boring.
My meds were dispatched on Tuesday but didn't arrive in time for holidays, I will have to survive on the dregs, they are only for stopping my insides from bleeding.

It feels a bit strange to have completed all my checklists and packing, I thought it was supposed to be more stressful than this, I don't go away often, as you may realise. I did all my wandering when I was homeless.

Friday, 1 June 2018


Good evening peeps,

I had a bad night last night with flashbacks and I woke up tired. I also have this tonsil infection which was probably from the dental hygenist.

I dragged myself out of bed this morning, set off through the fog at 20mph behind every grockle who can't drive at more than 20, who hates grockles? I do, you forget about them during the winter, but then they come back.
I got to work a few minutes late, but they owed me a few minutes from when I stayed on before.
I worked and work, hard clearance work. 7 ton bags, several tree stumps and some happy customers and a very annoyed spine. But my work wasn't over.

I tried to do the bad habit, go on to the next garden in the same area without stopping for lunch, because I was worried about being late for my dental appointment, but it was now 1.45 and I hadn't even had a snack and had done hard work, so my blood sugar had dropped and I was getting the beginnings of hypoglycemia.

So after 15 minutes, I gave in and went and got food, as well as petrol and my mail from the mail handling centre, and then I returned to work.

Halfway through, the dental surgery rang and asked if I could come in earlier as the dentist had a crisis at home that he wanted to get back to, and he wanted to get the filling in my tooth before I went away. So I told the house owners who had come home, and I put my tools together and went to the dentist, I couldn't rush because the grockles were still crawling at 20mph.
The dentist's wife had hurt her back, but not too seriously, but she needed his help with the children, so he stayed to do my tooth, and then he headed home and I headed back to work, the filling was only a small one, no drilling or drugs. And I returned to work, got that garden squared up, but it meant I didn't get home until about 6.30, and as you who know me will realise, that all of that could set me up for a relapse or a lot of pain, just before I go away, so tomorrow I am not planning on doing the care home, I will take it easy and get some home-based work done and finish preparing to go away.

There is an exciting new possibility to my holidays, which I am not telling you about, but it is not to do with Wales. I am aching. I am going to sleep soon. The blogs have statted, and Jersey has been part of that, what another attack on me? Fatherless morons.
I hope this tonsil gets better soon.

Wales will take all day to reach. But at least it is pretty much planned out. My landlord takes me the first few minutes of the journey, into town, and then the long and convoluted legs of the journey begin. I get worried about such long journeys as they are very stressful and I must remember my collar. I hope it isn't too busy anywhere, I hope I get lots of hot drinks, and I hope I don't panic or get ill with pain, parts of the journey are by train, which shakes me poor bones.

We have had a lot of fog here, I am always puzzled by fog with strong winds, how does it do that?

Thursday, 31 May 2018


Good afternoony peeps,

It is a wet rainy day and I think I picked up and infection from the dental surgery, my tonsils are having a right moan, however, I will spare you the gory details.

It's been one of those weeks, a week where things don't go quite right.
I wanted clean clothes for Wales and I only really have two of everything, and I put that two of everything through the wash and on the line yesterday evening, intending to get it in before the rain started today, ha, by the time I dragged my spine off the bed this morning, exhausted after a night's sleep, it was pouring with rain.

The farm had decided to leave the farm duties to me, seeing as I would be up there to mow and strim, but with the weather, I was not sure I would get anything done.
I went and did the duties. I decided that despite the weather, I would crack on with the mowing.
Ha. The tractor key was nowhere in sight. I texted and was told it was hiding in the farmhouse and I could go in and get it, so I did.

And so I mowed as the rain watered me most wetly. I mowed the orchards, a high cut and a low cut as they had got so long, I mowed the lawns, the areas round the veg plots, I mowed the verges and short work with the push mower, and I mowed a track through the field.
I couldn't mow the geese paddock as it was too wild and messy, I was supposed to strim that.
I dug the veg plots, ready for planting, but the rats had been tunneling and I was falling down their holes. The hens tutted and fussed as I dug.
I didn't mow the cottage lawns as there are guests in, and I was probably making enough noise for them already.
I got the strimmer out and did some of the strimming, but by the time I started the paddock, the strimmer was playing up and I was wet, muddy, cold and aching. I only have one spare pair of everything, and I was wearing it, including the wrong bra for heavy farm work, while my normal clothes were all soaking wet on the washing line, what a silly situation to be in, it shouldn't happen.
So anyway, I came home. Took my muddy boots and clothes off, and fell asleep on the bed as it poured with rain outside.

I am just trying to puzzle out my next steps. I have no cash left. I get two small paypal payments tomorrow for writing and music and can't transfer them until I get home, and I can work for cash in the morning and bank transfer in the evening,but I won't get to the bank but in the meantime, my landlord, who doesn't know how poor I am, may wonder why I haven't taken the clothes to the local laundarette to dry them, and I have a bill due out in the morning, only a small one. I wonder if I will be better off when I get PIP and when my freelance writing career develops.
I hope to do a bit of work for the care home on Saturday as well as earning a living tomorrow. The problem is, tomorrow I am trying to squash two large gardens into the day and then rush to the dentist to have the missing filling replaced, so I won't get to the bank or online to sort me money out.

I am applying for transcribing work now, another income stream, I didn't think I could do it with dysphasia, but actually I did quite well on a test. I really need to progress as there is no way I am not retiring from gardening at the end of the season, I am dragging myself through the days, even though I love my work, my body has simply said no, it can't do this work any more.

Wednesday, 30 May 2018


Good evening peeps,

I forgot that yesterday existed. It undoubtedly did.
Yesterday morning I woke at 5.45 from bad nightmares and went into flashbacks in stead.
It was pouring with rain and my landlord was up so the kettle was hot. I nipped to the cashpoint and got the rent, and got some milk from the shop, and then wondered what would happen with the weather, I want to get my gardens done before I go.

The weathered cleared and I went to the care home and did a massive weed and tidy up, but I want to get back on Saturday and tend my plants there and cut the hedge if I can, so it stays in order while I am away.

The care home was all I got done in the unpredictable weather, and I came home. I fell asleep when I got home, no idea why, work hadn't been taxing and I had slept through the night.

I woke only just in time to go to my evening shift. Well while Monday night's shift had been busy, yesterday evening was relatively quiet.

I came home and was tired enough to sleep. No memorable dreams, but I woke in the morning in a lot of pain and feeling very tired, painful and depressed, with smatterings of flashbacks. It was hard to move, my spine didn't want to be dragged off the bed.
I did painkillers and nearly threw up, not good on an empty stomach, not clever, but they worked fast, I did the heavy machine and put my collar on, and in a few hours I was almost alright.

I really needed to work while the rain held off, but I struggled to get sorted and have any time to work before my dental appointment. So I worked on music reviews and put in for a payout.

My dental appointment was with the hygenist for a thorough teeth clean and some tips on teeth care. The appointment was half and hour and it was good, I have never seen a hygenist before, the dentist has sometimes cleaned my teeth, but it was nice to have a thorough teeth clean and discussion, see no-one actually ever taught me to brush my teeth, and my jaw means my teeth are crowded, so it is hard to clean some of them well. Anyway, the hygenist was really nice, and she asked if I had antibiotics as a child, because of the bars on my teeth, and I told her no, they were from illness, she said she understood that, it is a stress reaction, the teeth stop growing at that point. It is funny to hear it from a hygenist, because it was always something I knew only vaguely.

Anyway, nice clean teeth, but there was a problem, when I got home, I realised that the cleaning had knocked a filling out! A front filling, you know hot they can do a shallow filling with white paste? One of those, it must have been loosened by the water jet or brush or knocked by the metal bits. I have emailed them. I would like it fixed before I go.

Anyway, after that, I tried to go and work but I was tired, distracted, not feeling great, dental appointments upset my poor jaw, and so I went to the mail handling centre but nothing I was expecting had arrived.

I came home and started a deep clean and tidy of my room, a thorough sort out of paperwork and other things, and packing for Wales. I also hoovered and dusted and wiped. All sorted.

I am supposed to be mowing the farm tomorrow but the weather looks bad, I am running out of days to get my remaining work done before I go.

Monday, 28 May 2018


Hey peeps,

Its a bankolody Monday, one of those days designed to confuse us Aspies.

I have been writing and reviewing and things.

I didn't have much money or petrol to go out, so I have only been to the supermarket and clothing bank. I got a bottle of milk and some chops, and then nearly sent the kitchen up in smoke by leaving the chops cooking.

I got an unsurprising text this morning, asking me to work this evening, which is fine but I have almost no petrol. I got Max fixed and MOT'd and paid the rent and bills but I have been left a bit short, I haven't had many driving shifts due to the new guys grabbing all the shifts, and a number of customers are away and have family for half term so I have less gardens to do as well.

It has been very hot again and the neighbours have been very noisy, so not an ideal situation, and the thunderstorms have been missing us.

Sunday, 27 May 2018


Good evening peeps,

Well last night someone was having a fireworks display and then they stopped because a massive thunderstorm came thundering and storming in.
I didn't want to finish my bed time routines because I wanted to watch the lightning, and it was like last time, continuous lightning and lots of thunder, great fun, we get a good view, and it rained heavily, so I had the windows and blinds open even as I went to bed, well it was the only way to get me to go to bed, and I was tired.

This morning I slept until 9.30, I must have been tired, some vivid dreams but not nightmares. But I was in pain when I woke, my head and neck hadn't been supported properly.

And I was still in pyjamas when I got emails from my friend on the cliffs, she was bribing and tempting me with fresh scones :) I felt bribed and tempted, so I showered and dressed without bothering to wake up or take painkillers, and I headed for the cheese scones.

It was another hot day, and my friends and their family were living in the garden. We had coffee, and I got to  meet the new baby, who was grouchy with the heat. The children kept us busy, you know sometimes I wish I had been able to marry and have a family, well when I see the children, no matter how lovely they are, I know I don't have the patience to be a parent. The scooby gang have endless patience with the children and I can certainly be big sister when I am round, but I couldn't be a mother.

They were trying to work out whether to attend a local festival, one that my late friend loved, but it was decided we would relax in the garden instead. We had a delicious lunch, they never fail on the delicious food, and we had cake and strawberries and cream for dessert. I always feel when I am there that they live in paradise, I know it isn't true, but I love their life. After lunch the children were put in the paddling pool and we had a cuppa and then I took the dog for a short walk round the field. I can't walk her on the cliffs or beach until or unless my back responds to treatment, and the beach and cliffs would be busy with dogs and people on the half term bank holiday and neither I nor the dog are keen on lots of dogs and people.

Then it was time for me to go, complete with a bag of fresh scones. I drove along the cliffs and it was very busy, so I came home and got on with chores and writing. I have been very busy. I hoovered all the cobwebs and spiders off the ceiling, I am not scared of spiders but not keen on sharing, some of them bite, some of them wander over me and my computer, my landlord has a spider as big as a mouse in the downstairs loo, it waves as it wanders past.
I have had three gardening cancellations for the week, so I am going to take it take it easy this week, I have been so tired and the pain is constant.  I will put a lot of effort into my remaining customers if the weather allows, because work will be disrupted for two weeks after this week.

When I got home, my landlord cheerfully announced that he had been dismantling the blue bike, he loves bikes, he loves taking them apart, and the blue bike needs a new tyre, so he took that opportunity to dismantle her, and he will fetch me a tyre during the week, I told him he can have two shillings and sixpence for that.

I am just watching Yes Man and considering nipping to take some things to the clothing bank. I have a bad choice of noisy neighbours or closed windows and too hot, it is really hard for me to focus on writing with the neighbours partying it up. Ha, Good luck to them, I wish I could party it up, but I would rather be very quiet and work. I would also rather they didn't do dangerous driving and nearly hit Max after he did so well in his MOT.

Saturday, 26 May 2018


Good evening peeps,

My abusers are really kicking off aren't they? God strike them dead and make them take their lies with them to hell.

Anyway. I was very tired and I slept through the night and woke at about 9am this morning.
I had been dreaming and I did go into mild flashbacks, but that passed.
It was supposed to be raining first thing, so I hadn't put my washing on and out overnight, but when I got up it wasn't raining, so I decided to chance it and put the washing on and out.

I was in luck, despite the forecast the weather remained very hot and humid with a strong breeze, and the washing dried.
I got on with other weekend chores and housework, and biked into town to get toiletries, meds and essentials. I wanted to stay out and scoot round the streets on the bike as I love doing that, but I was tired and the impact on my neck is too much, so I came home.

I have been working on writing and reviews, all my articles were accepted, so I will get a payout next week, and I am halfway to a music review payout as well.

The weather went on threatening as I got on with my tasks, but it remained dry all day until just now and it has broken now in heavy rain.

I did pork chop and loads of rocket salad with houmous, and I went down to the sea, it is a big spring tide, awesome. There were a few police vehicles down there but I couldn't see why.

I have been watching films, I watched 'Bright' which is another Will Smith moody cop one, I like him as a moody cop. I don't fancy him but I think he is a good actor and I tend to like his films.

Wow, still two days of the weekend, I have to be careful with time off in case I get distressed. I have had mild flashbacks today. Now I have to think that I have two more days off unless I am asked to do a driving shift or I decide to do the care home, and then I have a four day working week and then Wales, while I am in Wales I will not be completely unoccupied as I will be animal and house sitting and visiting and writing articles on, various historical sites, and I will be working on my freelance writing career and my books, but I will be alone, which is the thing to be careful of, depression and trauma are sneaky so and so's and they get in where they can.

Tomorrow I am hoping to see my friends on the cliffs and take the dog for a short walk, that will be nice. I wish I could walk the dog for miles along the beach, but I can't.

Friday, 25 May 2018


Good evening peeps,

Well, despite trauma, I was able to go to work this morning, I had a new client, I don't think I want to keep her, but in five months my 17 year career in gardening will be over anyway, so what does it matter? Anyway, despite the heat and the persistent flashbacks, I worked hard, I caught up with all of my outstanding work, so I can have the weekend off. I have no driving shifts this weekend, yet, but I am on call, and some of the drivers are likely to go off drunk, as they do, so I will work if I am asked.

I didn't get any articles accepted before the payout deadline, so all the ones done yesterday will roll over to next week, my book review was accepted and published though and I did get a payout for music reviews :) I value the music studies I did before the church of england's harm forced my degree to a premature end, it means I can review music, another branch of my freelance writing service.

I got home this evening, tired, aching, full of nettle stings and thorns, but having paid the last bills for the month, at last, I was given a few days grace, because getting Max repaired and through the MOT and getting the rent paid had priority. I had a nice shower, put some clean clothes on, and went and got some groceries.

I have been watching a film about a boy who developed bipolar disorder, and the struggles that he and his parents went through. I haven't caught up the last few Hollyoaks Omnibuses, but it looked like Alfie was developing bipolar, only Hollyoaks being what it is, they portrayed it horribly, they are very crass when it comes to mental illness, and a number of other subjects.
Anyway, that was interesting.

My room is a mess, I only tidied it the other day, so how dd that happen?

I had the urge to get pringles and dip and cut-price shloer, and watch films and read books, that probably means its a bank holiday weekend. I so want to go out on the blue bike this weekend but the weather looks bad. We have put the blue bike in the stable with the other bikes, out of the weather. I haven't been out on the bike all week, too much going on and too much tiredness and pain. I was thinking earlier, if treatment can't do much for my lower back, I will always be in pain. Gloomy thoughts. No good thinking like that, I have managed chronic pain for a long time now and it isn't all of life, some people are worse off than me.

I think the church and their nasty associates have been kicking off, judging by the stats, but I have to grimly preserve my life while no one will restrain them, and I have to struggle on with life until I can't any more.

Thursday, 24 May 2018


Good evening peeps,

Relapse isn't much fun. Pain, fatigue, muddled thinking, lapses of concentration. Awful feeling, difficult to describe, but if you think of all the things I have done recently, it is no wonder.

I stayed in bed today and wrote articles and a book review, articles were flowing in and I had a review to do, so I got on with that while it rained outside, I got some work done yesterday but I was struggling.

The rain and cloud have brought some relief but I haven't felt great. I am going to have an early night, which tells you that I am not great, because early night seems the only way out of this fog, but it means I may wake during the night, which doesn't help.

Tomorrow I hope to work almost as normal.