This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Wednesday, 24 August 2016


Good evening peeps,

Well it was 30 degrees and things today and I did a heavy 8-hour garden clearance, working alone and working hard.
I had flashbacks and distresses about the Church of England throughout the day but I kept working.

I came home suitably tired, and watched the storms out to sea, it took a while for the edge of a storm to hit the land but the air pressure affected the television signal, so I watched Hollyoaks online instead.

Tomorrow is an easier day and depends on the weather as well, some rain is due.

I am relaxing because I can't do much else, I cooled down in the shower with a block of ice cubes, rubbing ice cubes into your muscles when you have worked hard in the sun is very beneficial, but my shoulder muscles are still tense.

The cloud and increased wind came towards the end of my working day, it was a nice relief, and now as I sit here, the breeze occasionally comes through the window, phew.
It is only 8pm and it is getting dark.
I should do my music practice. Hehe, what if I don't? :)

Tuesday, 23 August 2016


Good evening peeps,

Things feel horrible.
Well the hot weather is getting to me, but also I just wasn't well today.
I only had one job to do today, my big care home contract, but I have delayed that for later in the week because I woke up poorly.
I have had such an upset stomach to start the day, I took some tablets to stop it, but I have been washed out and bloaty and useless, and with the rolling flashbacks still affecting me.

I got through the day, I went to collect some music books and send something to someone by post, but then I have been here most of the day, so I got on with music, writing and editing, and I was well enough for a piano lesson this evening. I am pleased with my progress, I didn't realise that my aural perception is about 95% or whatever, it means I can hear rhythms and major and minor scales and keys and shout them out or copy them, hoho, what fun.
And the flat is clean and tidy, which also helps.

Unfortunately after a roasting hot day today, tomorrow is going to be even hotter and I have a big garden clearance to do in the full sun. Argh. I hope I feel better.

The thunderstorms will be coming in after tomorrow, so that will disrupt the remainder of my working week. And apart from that, I just have music and writing overload, with university prep, short stories, editing books, preparing for music exams, music practice etc.

I did all my university bridging stuff. I don't know if other universities do it, but my university is conscientious and they send bridging materials to prepare you for the next year.
I have also got an email saying I am back on student rep team, whatsoever that may mean. It means I have to opine on how things should be done, judging by last year. I just bollock them.

My mates are having pizza night on Thurs, but I really don't think I want to go this time. Everyone wants me to go out, my mate wants me to go out for coffee or round for scrabble, but the hot weather is leaving me too tired and the church are leaving me too frazzled.

Monday, 22 August 2016

Announcing the Books

Yes, well, I will announce the books for the first time, and then I will go and collect my washing from the laundry.
I have been working this morning but I am exhausted and I am sitting here trying to edit several other books, and I am actually wearing a jumper! The third book has had some blips with publishing but I hope that it will be available without too much delay. There are a few errors here and there, but I want to be heard before the CofE kill me. Sorry I can't lower the prices more, the royalties are quite low and any money made will make my life a bit less harsh.

Coming Home was the first to publish. This was written freehand in a month, and it describes the rebuild of my life from when I left the streets, against the backdrop of the petty and vicious Church of England un/civil war and their launches in the press:

The Silent World is my second book. This describes my childhood:

Goodnight Anna is my best book. Life on the streets in glorious reality colour. Goodnight Anna has had some technical issues but I hope that it is on sale now or soon without further issues.

Saturday, 20 August 2016


Good morning peeps,

I don't like the increased stats on my blog. Especially not Guernsey.

Anyway. The wind picked up last night, and it makes such a horrible human-sounding howling round the house.
I had night terrors about the Church of England again, but I woke this morning and scrambled up as I had to go into town to the bank.
I headed out through the windy morning and did a little shop in town for toiletries and books. Then I went to the bank.
On the way back we had to drive through rain storms. Then I stopped to pick up the revised copy of my first book. So two books are now ready, although I spotted a slight error straight away! But next week when the third book revision comes through, I will do the first launch. You will be able to buy three of my books next week if you so wish, and then in six weeks or so the books will launch again, to the wider market and be listed on Amazon and Barnes and Noble etc and I will be able to market them better.

Anyway, I am home and the weather is windy and stormy, the sea is wild. I hope Max will be OK on the cliff top, but I now have the rest of the weekend to laze around, reading my new books, writing, doing music. Lazy.

My Mum came over yesterday and I gave her the proof copies of my books, it was worth it to see her face! I signed all three books for them with added rude and cheeky comments, and now the adoptives have plenty of holiday reading! They are going away for the week today and I hope they have a safe journey in this weather!

Mum and I had a good natter, and she got to see my university study work while she was here, we had a drive and had lunch in a new cafe that we have added to our list, and we did a bit of shopping and browsing before she went home. So that was a good day.

Friday, 19 August 2016

Guernsey, get off my blog and get stuffed you objectionable asswipes. You aren't Christians in any sense of the word.


Good morning peeps,

My weekend has already started.
I have the royal visit today, I have to go and collect my mum in a while.

Yesterday I worked hard to get a load of gardens done, I also assessed a new garden clearance which I will do next week.
I managed two days on the gardening team in the hot sun this week, and I have caught up with my own gardens apart from one where renovation work on the house is disrupting the garden.
And now the rain and wind are coming in, so I will rest, well not rest rest, I have plenty to do.

Last night a local music tutor came round and gave me a lesson on my keyboard, so that was good. My other tutor is too far away since I moved house. It's quite handy to learn on my keyboard for now, but not forever.
After the lesson, I got on with writing and studying. I got bridging materials from the university, which is kind of study prep like I do anyway, but very useful. So I have watched videos about my modules for this academic year, and I have a few documents to read through. All good.

I was having nightmares about the Church of England once I fell into bed and slept. But the nightmares were not too horrendous compared to some.
The flat is all tidy and in order. So I will have a shower now, then I will head out and have a study breakfast at one of my favourite cafes and then I will collect my mum.

Thursday, 18 August 2016


Good morning peeps,

Not  much to say really, just work and hot sun. I don't like hot sun but I know that when the temperature starts to drop, autumn is approaching and the gardening season will start going down.

My adoptive mum texted yesterday, asking if she could come over today, to which the reply was 'Mum! Don't spring things on me!' I can't cancel today's work or postpone things, I have too much to do, and the weather is turning rainy and windy, so I need to get today's work done.
Mum is coming over tomorrow, when rain is due anyway.

Anyone who wants to know about my books, two out of three of them are ready, I will wait until the revision of the third one arrives next week before launching them.

Sunday, 14 August 2016


Good morning peeps.

Just waiting for Hollyoaks.
I am trying to proofread my first book and also trying to edit my fourth book, neither of these are easy tasks. The fourth book is tough and I am struggling to concentrate on proof-reading as well, but at least no headache.

Well the hot weather continues, and I have plodded on with my work even with a migraine, thankfully the migraine is gone now.
I didn't help out with the moonlight parade due to the migraine, but I was allowed to go and do a video shoot of it.

I am just coffee-ing, but I must grab a shower before Hollyoaks and then I am just writing and editing today, I will clean the flat and go for a walk as well.
I must do my pen-pal letters as well.

Oh, I got my first pack of university materials for the autumn term, how exciting! I had already got my supplementary books, which aren't much, but now I can really get my headstart on studying.

Friday, 12 August 2016


Good morning peeps,

The Battle's done
and we kind of won
so we raise our victory cheer
where do we go from here?

It was great to marshal for Battle again. Even if it did give me a migraine.


'We will give you an easy post' They said.
That was not an easy post.
I was getting beaten up by frustrated tourists who wanted to get through. Some things never change. There was one monster tourist, he was a right nightmare so I set the men on him :) Some men will bully a girl even if she does stand up to them. He weren't so brave when the men stood up to him.

But I did get some good pictures and video footage as well. And I was stationed by my fave church, so I did get coffee, haha.
And my mate, who was in the parade, came racing over to me yelling 'Pizza night! Two weeks time!'
I do like pizza night, even more than deliberately avoiding social activities.

Anyway, it aint over yet, these is the damn moonlight parade to support yet.

The migraine is eased a little bit with painkillers, and I must go to work today. Next week the gardening team want me to do two days with them as well as my own gardening round, and I also have a work trial with this new contract that I was offered on Wednesday. So next week is hellish busy, I may need a little weekend away after that, I wonder what my adoptives are doing next weekend? :)

You know what it is like when you get the proof copy of your first book and you are all 'wow!' and then you have to run through and pick up the possible faults?
Trying to do that when you have a migraine is impossible! Haha. I feel sick.

The sun is shining, and I guess I had better go and beat some gardens into submission.

Wednesday, 10 August 2016


Good Wednesday peeps,

Not much to say at the moment. Bad flashbacks, disturbed nights and depression recently, oh, and I published two books, ho-hum.
Don't worry, there are a few things to do before I offer you the books. Watch this blog! Haha, stalkerstat has been watching this blog.

The weather is way too hot.
I have busy things to do today. The Jersey Safeguarding Partnership trauma meant that I couldn't negotiate the two contracts that I was offered, well one of them actually decided that they wanted more work hours than I could do, and I felt out of my depth with the other one because they wanted me to supervise a trainee lad, and I am not a people person nor do I feel able to supervise a lad.  But today I have an interview for a very promising contract. Then I have to meet with the head of the horticultural society, and then I have briefing for carnival martialling.

I actually got my hair cut yesterday. It had been growing lush and rampant and was cascading all over the place a bit like Sam Mezec's hair. So I had it thinned and trimmed. Haircuts are a necessary weevil.

Jersey has been grounded by fog, and the Liberation broke down again. Haha.

Monday, 8 August 2016

Monday Morning

Good morning peeps,

Well I have been up since 3.30am, I just can't sleep well.
But at least it means I can get on with music and writing. Well, music and editing this second book.

I have really been battling depression and flashbacks recently.

I was hoping to see the sunrise this morning, but just my luck, there was a bank of cloud so I didn't see the true sunrise, there are nice sunlit clouds though. The sea is big and it has fishing boats wandering around, followed by noisy seagulls.

Yesterday was a very difficult day, my mood is very low with flashbacks and fears of harm by the Church of England and their rogue safeguarding board in Jersey.

I didn't do much apart from writing and music yesterday. I did do some housework and I did go up to the cliffs and sit there with a book for a while and it was.

Today I have to work as normally as possible despite being too tired. Some people can go to bed late or get up very early without being affected, but I can't. It is going to be hot today, which makes it worse for me.

Sunday, 7 August 2016

Sunday morning

Good morning,

Well I thought I would blog now because of my dreams during the night.
Hollyoaks is on half an hour early so I am just waiting for it to start.

I managed to sleep without mads last night, I was so tired. But I still dreamed vividly, although the dreams were less distressing.
I dreamed about an endless horticultural show, it was show day and I was there and taking part and the day went on and on. It was lovely, just like the good old days before the diocese destroyed me for being abused.

Then the stranger dreams came. I dreamed that my brother was working in Saudi Arabia. He told me that he worked in water, I asked if that meant he was sitting in a swimming pool answering the phone but he told me that he took plant cultures from water. Which may sound strange to people who don't know what that means, but actually it is a perfectly legitimate job, but unlikely in Saudi Arabia.

Then I dreamed I was with my brother and sister, watching the carnival parades from the window instead of marshalling as I am due to.

It is a dull morning but due to clear into sunshine later.

I am feeling a bit better, I have had a lot of bad flashbacks due to the horrible sleep aid and also Paul Butler lying to the press when he should have been removed by now.

Today should just be Hollyoaks, writing, music and maybe a car boot sale.

Saturday, 6 August 2016


Good evening peeps,

Well things are tough because of flashbacks and terrors.
Since Jersey Safeguarding Partnership attacked my life again, I have not been sleeping, and it got to a point where I have had something from the chemist to help me sleep, and as usual, the side effects have been severe.

Last time I was on sleep aid, I was on the streets, and I became too distressed and vulnerable to sleep rough for a few days, and before that in Jersey it was equally bad. So I am having to stop taking the sleep aid and hope my sleep returns.
Last night was horrifying with flashbacks, nightmares and terrors.

Then this morning my landlord came round, because I have been having problems with the toilet and shower being blocked, so I had a wet bathroom floor yesterday, but we managed to unblock the blocked plumbing, and all is well, all is well in the plumbing anyway.

I feel very depressed and distressed, part of that was caused by Bishop Butler making empty noises about safeguarding in the press, he is supposed to have stopped that by now.

I have got some music done and I am getting the next manuscript towards book form, but I still feel rubbish. I went out earlier but I didn't feel better, it is one of those days where nothing can make things feel better, nothing at all, and I don't like people when I feel this bad.

It has been hot today, but I saw no point in that either.
The only things I have been able to do today is music and writing and editing the next book.

Friday, 5 August 2016


Good evening,

Well the weather has been hot and the Church of England have been being a pain in the behind, well what else do they ever do?

Yesterday after work I headed up to my favourite bit of coast, and stopped for locally made toffee ice cream on the way, it was every so nice.

Today, hot again and work, I got myself a new hedgecutter today.
As well as work, I have been studying and writing, preparing for university and music exams in the autumn. My new book is being processed and will be available to buy soon, I will be promoting it, but meanwhile I am working on another full manuscript that I will edit and also hope to publish soon.

I wish I could know that my life is safe from the church and their dreadful associated authorities such as Jersey's unsafeguarding partnership. Living at risk for so long is psychologically and physically damaging. I will die young if it isn't stopped.

It looks as if I won't be doing a photo shoot for the carnival next week...because I will be marshalling!
Blah, I haven't marshalled since Jersey. I thought the whole point of the dirty church of england having me ruined and deported was to stop me from having to work my butt off doing volunteer and community work, maybe they need to have me re-deported so I can have some peace and quiet. I am returning to my life of volunteering and community support, but it is as fragile as everything else if the church and their associated rogue authorities go on harming me.

It is also horticultural show season again, and this next show this weekend, I am taking my mate to as a nice day out, I am not competing this year, but I will steward at the show in September like I used to, and I will compete next year, all dependent on the church and their associated authorities not killing me.

I will just send this to Jersey safeguarding partnership as a repeat plea for an end to their harassment of me.  I just want to live my life, and they want to publicly attack me with a whitewash cover-up, regardless of the damage to me, which goes against what they are supposedly there for.

Wednesday, 3 August 2016


Good evening peeps,

I should be asleep, I feel wrecked.

I have been working and the weather has been wet and windy, I have been fighting this virus, and going through the complications of publishing my first proper book :) big things like this don't make me feel good, they make me feel awful, I don't like big changes. A book is not a small thing.
I have also continued to be worried about harm from Jersey's safeguarding partnership.

I do not like the increased blog stats in conjunction with the danger from the safeguarding partnership.

Someone just brought this up, funny I was looking for some of Jane Fisher's misconduct!

Monday, 1 August 2016



I am a scatty person. I don't know why I thought it was the bank holiday this week. Haha.

I am still not feeling quite normal, I have been very tired and still with a sore throat.

Yesterday I walked alongside the sea for a few miles, a sunny day and a fresh breeze, it was nice, some people were swimming, wading, crabbing or sunbathing, but it wasn't as crowded here as on the Great Ship Bay.

In the evening the manuscript reached 65,000 words and didn't stop. It has stopped at 68,000 and I have started the first editing, proofing and formatting, but not feeling well is slowing me down.

I have been at work today. Weeding and mowing, working hard to get a lot done before the rain.

Then after work and as the rain started, I have been at my mate's house, playing scrabble. We had a much more close-run game today, I was playing better and he won by a 20 point lead, 10 of those points was because I got Q as one of my last letters and there was nowhere to place it.

This evening I have felt too tired to do much, so I have done a few pages of proofing and editing of the manuscript and watched Hollyoaks. Then I went over to my landlord's house, because he found the mailbox key that I had lost, so I went and collected it off him and emptied the mailbox for the flats. Five days worth of post! Haha.
On the way back I stopped at a fish and chip shop that I drive past all the time but have never inspected. I decided that they were due for an appraisal and inspection so I wandered nortily in.
I approve of them, I think I may adopt them.

Back home, it is pouring with rain, so it may be an early night for norty, tucked into the snug duvets and hopeful of feeling better tomorrow.
Tomorrow the forecast is bad so I have booked the day off. I have a book to edit, laundry to do, and I have to try and work out what to do about the conundrum of being offered both contracts that I applied for when both of them are offering one or two days a week regular work but they both want the same days. Hilarious. My mate had a lot to say about this but I have to make the decisions I think.

I was just listening to this song and grinning, I remember Dan singing it in the good old days:

On a final note, this is a message for someone: Chichester, I am getting your smoke signals, yes, but contact me direct, get A to contact me if you like. Never underestimate the power of love and the human soul.

Sunday, 31 July 2016


Good morning peeps,

I am getting the usual suspects checking the blog and wondering why I didn't update yesterday.
Well I wasn't very well and I was busy writing. The manuscript is nearly 59,000 words. It only needs to make 65,000 in order to be a short book. Anyone who wants to do manuscript appraisal for me, get in touch, the more the merrier.

I have had a mild chest infection recently and didn't think anything of it, until I got a sore throat, which I ignored until it became raging and my temperature went up and I have generally felt blah, so I just wrote quietly most of the day yesterday and went for a drive in the afternoon, I didn't feel like going to one of the carnivals. I will wait and go to our local carnival next week, and will do some photography for that.

Not much to say. I am cooking a late breakfast/ brunch and watching the Hollyoaks omnibus.
Yesterday's rain showers meant that I didn't even do the few hours of work I had planned so that goes onto next week's work. I am working the bank holiday as an almost normal day, and will play scrabble with my mate as well.
I got us a scrabble set from the car boot sale and although I picked it up first, someone else came along at the same time and wanted to offer the seller twice the price for it, but I told him I wanted it for my mate who's increased disability meant he couldn't get out so much. Which is true, so they let me have it.

There is rain due tomorrow afternoon and into Tuesday, so at least the gardens may be easier to dig after that, the ground has been horribly dry.

Friday, 29 July 2016


Good evening peeps,

I should be asleep but the Jersey vultures are circling and I slept for three hours earlier.

It has been a warm day with a fresh breeze.

I am still scared to do anything nice or enjoyable because for so long when I try to relax and enjoy things, the church or Jersey attack, but earlier I took my backpack and walked over the cliffs to a cove that I am find of but rarely get to. There is a nice cafe down there and I took my music work and books with me.
The walk was heavenly, with the vigorous sea beating on the rocks below the cliffs and sunshine and the strong wind.
A lot of people were out enjoying the weather, it is grockle season and the whole area is jammed with traffic but on the cliffs although there are plenty of people, it isn't crowded.

I really enjoyed being out there, and I walked down to the cafe. I sat and I drank tea and studied music and copied out some of the Haydn Symphony that I am using to neaten up my music writing.

At lunchtime I had soup and a roll and more tea and watched the sea, and then I just sat down there watching the sea and studying music.
I got quite sunburned!

I came home and I have been more tired recently since the recent Jersey attack, so I lay down on the bed and I was asleep. I slept for three hours.

I woke up, did supper and watched Hollyoaks and then I have been writing, but I must go to sleep now. The manuscript I am working on is coming up to 47,000 words now.

The blog stats have been high, which is worrying. I have had no attack alerts sent but I will be asking someone to save any smears from the church times as usual if that is the source of the high stats.

Thursday, 28 July 2016


Good evening peeps,

I am just closing down for the night.
The growls of doom from Jersey continue.  I can tell that from the blog stats. Jersey Safeguarding and Guernsey as well, the vultures hovering.

This morning Max decided to give me a fright. His engine warning light came on.
Thankfully I was actually near the garage that have looked after him since he was a dinky toy baby car.
They ran the diagnostics and reset something and said he should be alright now but if not then he needs a cat replacement.
I want a cat as well.
But I hope that we don't have to replace Max's cat. Florence was too old to have one. But no doubt she is sitting on that driveway cheering and egging little brother Max on as he continues the tradition of scaring the hell out of me.
I still gave Max a good wash and clear-out at lunchtime.

This afternoon it started to rain as I worked but I continued my work as it was not heavy rain.
Anyone who saw me watering in the rain, no I haven't gone bonkers, the plants were very dry and the light rain wouldn't make much difference to them.

This evening I watched Hollyoaks and got my friend's box of music manuscripts off the cupboard and started copying a Haydn Symphony out. My written music is a bit like my handwriting, there is room for improvement. So I think copying symphonies out would be a good way of improving.
Then I did some pen pal letters and paperwork, and then I did a few short story competition entries, I must improve my skill as a writer.

I get to this point in the evening when I should settle to sleep but I am too nervous and anxious. I don't want to start any new tasks so late, but I won't settle if I try to wind down for the night :(

Wednesday, 27 July 2016


Good evening,

I remain very anxious at the danger from Jersey.

Today it was due to rain this morning, so no work, it didn't rain much in the end.

A day of mundane stuff. A meeting with a gardening team, which terrified me, but we shall see. I needed a whisky after that.

Then a meeting about my public liability insurance, just to resolve the slight diversion in work which I do occasionally do which doesn't fit my usual three categories but I have to be covered in order that someone can invoice. Blah, who hates meetings? I do.
Then I had to go to the bank.
Then more boring stuff, laundry and shopping for toiletries and household stuff that had been depleting while I have been distracted.

Now it is the paperwork and writing time of day, the Simpsons is just finishing and the sun is still shining over the great hill, supper is chicken and salad, well what else? :)
And I have been good and done some music practice.

As yet, the Jersey Safeguarding partnership have felt unable to answer to the statement that they have received. But knowing them and Gorst and co, they are going to try to proceed despite my objection. That would be what one would expect from them.

Tuesday, 26 July 2016


Good evening peeps,

Well. What a day.
It has not been too hot, quite warm, but mainly cloudy.
I have plodded vigerously on with one of my clearance contracts, and it is now under control and down to maintenance hours, so I now drop that garden for a week, and just do the maintenance the following week, not a bad thing considering the work that is coming in.
My other clearance goes to the same thing at the end of the week. Two successes. Both big jobs and heavy work. I have no idea when the tide turned and I became competent at my trade again, or why.

On the way home, I pulled over on the cliff top and messaged the contract I was due to assess, and they said 'come on in, dirty work clothes and all!' So I did.

Wow. Do you ever see a garden and think 'I'm not worthy!?'
The gardens I viewed after work are beautiful, very well crafted and happy and with a stunning view of the sea. The place has sheep, chickens, bees and doves and a lovely veg patch. Basically the place is paradise. But of course it is also a challenge because it is very well turned out and very well thought out, it is not rough tough garden clearance, it is perfection with weeds, and I will need to put on a polished performance.
At the moment they are considering offering me a day a week, as part of a team, and that will suit them and me. I like them and I adore the gardens. I had a feeling that if I could get this, it would be an important asset to me for a number of reasons, and I think it will be if I do.

Then I got home, and another gardening team are chasing me up as an extra pair of hands. Oh, can we extend the week to 8 days so I can fit everything in and still accelerate my music and writing and university prep? If you have read Emma and my comments about uni in  a previous post you will see that despite the Church of England being idiots when I was taking my end of terms, I managed to pass and am preparing for my second year.
I remain very vulnerable to harm by the Church and Jersey, so no matter how much progress my life is making, it is still fragile and can still be destroyed.

Hollyoaks, what will happen to Perry if they aren't rescued? Never mind the nonsense about Maxine and Patrick, that was always a weak storyline.

It is 8.45 and I have only just showered and I didn't get supper yet! :(
hm, chicken and salad and paperwork until 11pm.

Adrian Lynch/Damien Nettles Similarities strike again

Many people are asking for this post, presumably because of the documentary. It appears that someone tried to have it removed though.
I know that it must be hard for the family because of having to go through it again, but I am glad to hear that they found the documentary helpful, My thoughts are with them.

Two Islands, two young men missing, they look alike.
Two anonymous 'local' businessmen on two islands...
both offered a 10k reward.

Excuse me for breaking the new rules but I am not in Jersey.
Shouldn't the police be looking at what boats these businessment drive?
No offence meant.