Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Friday, 28 October 2011

It rained all day yesterday, it rained as I went to the bed and breakfast, it rained during the night. I managed to sort my backpack out and sort myself out a bit, there are some aspects of hygeine that you just can't deal with when you wash in public toilets.

For some reason I find that when i am indoors, at the bed and breakdfast or staying over somewhere, I am always in more and more severe distress.

I watch the end of a programme where a woman had been attacked in some way and lost her face and hands, she was horribly damaged but she went on surviving. At one point she said 'there must be a reason for me to have gone on surviving'.

I think one of the reasons is that she helps to inspire people like me, people who don't know how to go on living.

I can't get the temperature in the room right, I end up too hot and wake up sick, this is what happened last time.
I wake up in the night sick with distress and I wake up in the morning sick with distress and sick from the heat and tension, this is where my my neck seizes up and I end up in terrible pain.

At least I am all clean and sorted out. I walk down to the protest camp and leave my spare clothes and boots there, the camp is just chugging along quietly, nothing has happened.
Today the sky is clear and the sun is shining.

Yesterday I got a new support for my right leg, that will help with walking, that is all good.

Now here I am in in a very noisy disrupted library and my head and neck ache.

I want to tell you about the church and what has happened and my feelings, but it all just sits inside and hurts, the church really did gag me, they complately rubbished me, and my feeble faltering voice won't work any more, I just live with the pain and anger inside me.

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