This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Monday, 29 February 2016


Good lunchtime peeps,

Well yesterday was a nice quiet day, I gave the flat a deep clean, but didn't get around to cleaning the car.
I also did a lot of writing and finished reading my Stephen King book and watched the Hollyoaks Omnibus.

In the evening I did go out with my friends for pizza. And we had a lovely time!
It was a tricky one for me, as I am supposed to be watching what I eat, I do love pizza though. They did have salad and pasta options, but I just felt that when you go for pizza it seems inappropriate to not have pizza, so I went for the lower calorie option, they do a kind of ring of pizza with very little cheese, and lots of salad in the middle.
I regretted it, because the person next to me got a chicken salad that looked yummier and more filling than my pizza, but at least I wasn't the only one watching my weight, the three of us at my end of the table all were, so one was good and had salad and us other two had the low calorie pizza.

The restaurant provides jugs of water free, but I had a lemonade as well, and dessert was debatable, so I had a tiny chocolate brownie, utterly divine, and a coffee.

It was a lovely evening, and of course I had to fend off invitations to bands and pubs, that kind of stuff isn't my scene, although I love music. The horse riding invitation was more interesting, riding horses on the beach is fun if the wind isn't cold.
I came home, and not too late, I was home before bed time, but I spent the night regretting the coffee and lemonade :(

By 4am I wondered if I should just get up, but instead I got back into bed and dozed and dreamed about rescuing a woman and a baby from a landslide on the cliffs while the sea raged below.

I woke up and was out to do the papers by 6.30, the car had a thin layer of frost that was soon gone.
I went straight to the gym from doing the papers and was back here and studying by 9am.
I took some washing to the laundry, paid the rent and am just pottering through tasks, studying, writing.
I haven't heard from the distribution peeps about what they want now, so I am going to write, study, maybe clean the car, and then I am working this evening.

It is a cold sunny day but the temperature will rise as the rain comes back in later.

Sunday, 28 February 2016


Good morning peeps,

Well yesterday I had a nice quiet day plodding with my work, it is funny actually, the main people who I do distribution for called me just as I was going to work, they wanted to give me another lot of work to do alongside my normal, and they threw some extra money in my direction.
The only problem is that excluding yesterday's area, I have already completed the areas that they want to the new lot to go to.

Anyway, I plodded cheerfully in the sunshine or the cold wind and cloud, with my head full of manuscript draft.
At lunchtime I ambled down to the beach café and sat outside with jacket potato and salad and a nice mug of coffee before going back to work.
The waves were awesome.

I had to go shopping for food and get coins for the electric meter and I was so tired.
Then I sat in bed with my Stephen King Book and my laptop, working on my manuscript and reading and eating fruit bars.
I need to stop the chocolate habit, I still have too much chocolate when I am stressed.

Today I am going to shock you by not going to the gym. I am aching from my work yesterday and I have decided to swap gym to Monday, Wednesday and Friday, that way I am not doing gym every day that I do an evening shift, so that way I won't get too tired.

Yesterday was bitterly cold, today is cold but not bitter, there is no frost today, the sun has risen through bands of grey clouds.

I am going to have a lazy day, I may wash Florence and have a quick clean of the flat, but no gym,  Hollyoaks will be on at 10am, and I am going write and also read my book like last night.

This evening I am going for pizza with the gang. Did you notice I didn't cancel that? :) tricked myself into actually going out! Ha, I hope it isn't a late night. And if there is a pasta and salad option, I am pasta and salad girl.
I can get away with an evening out as I have a quiet day tomorrow, I can choose between study and work apart from the evening shift which I have to do.

Saturday, 27 February 2016


Good morning peeps,

Well last night I was writing until I was tired, then I went to sleep, the bed was enormously comfy with clean bedding and although I had an episode of flashbacks and distress, I was also awfully snug and comfy and didn't want to get up and do the papers this morning!

At the papershop it was chaos as the rounds system had crashed and they were trying to sort the rounds manually, my round varies slightly at weekends so I was worried as we tried to sort it out, and sods law, no customer is ever away and suspends their papers, until today, which caused even more chaos.

However, in the end I got my round sorted and done.

Then I came home and have been sitting in bed and writing.

I am just going to shower and go and do some work.

It is cold and cloudy but not frosty.

Friday, 26 February 2016


Good evening,

Finally catching up with the blog!

I got some work done yesterday and also managed to get around to checking Florence over and doing her oil and water and screen wash.

Last night I worked a fairly busy shift, then I came home and slept.

Yesterday and recently I was troubled by flashbacks, quite vivid, and last night was a bad night of being trapped between sleep and waking in flashbacks and very upset.

This morning I struggled to get going and got to do the papers at 6.45, thankfully there was no frost to defrost.

As usual my plans are good but don't always go as smoothly as hoped, but I did get a clothes wash and a bed linen wash to the laundry and got someone to sort my computer out as it has been problematic recently.

By the time I was ready for work it was hailstorms :(

The computer was now working well, so guess what? The television broke again instead, they take it in turns!

When the hailstorms stopped, I went to work, and plodded along with my work.

I came home stiff and tired and the temperature has dropped, so I have been sitting here with the heater and my computer, watching Hollyoaks online.

I am halfway putting my clean bedding and bed stuff together, it all has to go a certain way, so that I am properly supported to sleep and feel snug and safe, did I ever tell you I layer the bed the same way as when I was a rough sleeper because otherwise I don't feel safe to sleep? I can't just lie down under a duvet and sleep, everything has to be done properly and the support for my back and neck has to be right.

So far I have already got two out of my three assignments back and guess what? Identical grades, 73-73. Cool. I just have to wait for the uber assignment to be returned, and that may take a while.

This weekend I should be spending at least some time with my gang, they are supposedly going for pizza on Sunday but I will see what salad and pasta options there are if I go.

I know the flashbacks are still upsetting me even though they have quit for now, but at the moment as I continue to suffer the affects of Jane Fisher and the diocese's slander of me, which is incredibly far reaching, I wonder if there will ever be an end to it and if I will ever have a voice.

I had better finish making my bed now. Pass the hammer.

The flat is still cold, I think I will have a nice warm shower before bed, and apart from a few hours of work, it can be a lazy weekend.

Thursday, 25 February 2016


Good morning,

Well I got the other assignment in yesterday but didn't attend my tutorials.

I was at a loss yesterday evening as I am so used to being at work or battling assignments.
So I watched Hollyoaks and read some Stephen King and I was in bed and falling asleep by 9.30pm.
And despite a long sleep, I was feeling lazy this morning so it was 6.45am before I went to do the papers.
And the car needed de-icing.

The morning was beautiful in the sunrise with a clear sky and frost sparkling.
After the papers I watched Hollyoaks as normal, had a shower and breakfast and meds and then went to the gym, had a good workout, and now I am supposed to be working.

I will have lunch, do a few hours of distribution work, then on delivery driving shift as usual.

The tide and the super moon have been pretty awesome, has anyone noticed?
I couldn't believe the height of the tide at lunchtime yesterday when me and mum were walking alongside the sea. Spring tides are normally high in the morning and evening not the middle of the day.

Anyway, don't worry if I don't catch up the blog much this week, just got things to do.

Wednesday, 24 February 2016


Good Wednesday,

I started an update earlier but the computer froze and thus delayed it.

Yesterday was a quiet shift at work and so I got a lot of study done.
I did submit the uber assignment so I have only the smaller one to complete.

Today I did the papers and then went to spend some time with mum, we had a long walk a lot of talk and lunch in a cafe, she has just gone home and I am working on this assignment.

Updates may be less for the next week due to time and circumstances.

Tuesday, 23 February 2016


Good morning,

Well yesterday I randomly turned the kitchen into chaos, I was vaguely looking in the emergency food cupboard where there are tins and packets and I needed to see if they were still viable.
I ended up putting the slow cooker on to cook a stoo.
The stoo turned out to be surprisingly edible, almost nice, makes a change for me and slow cooker, we usually get the mix wrong :)
But the kitchen sure got trashed.

Anyway, I was battling the uber-assignment, the one with claws and teeth and a nasty grin.
And I still didn't finish it!

I had to go to work in the evening and work was so quiet that I got about an hour of study done while waiting for deliveries!

I got home, fell into bed and slept deeply. Woke too early, I must re-set the alarms now I am just doing my round.
The car was frozen so I de-frosted it, did my round, noted how it is getting light earlier (and also dark later), came home, watched Hollyoaks and went and trained like mad at the gym.

I was hoping to get a few hours distribution done today but it will have to wait, I must finish the assignments today and I am working this evening.

It is a lovely sunny day.

Tomorrow I am spending most of the day with my Mum, all being well, and in the evening I have tutorials.

Monday, 22 February 2016


Good morning peeps,

Well yesterday I managed to complete the final draft of the big assignment while watching 'The Princess Diaries 2' and 'Back to the Future'.

I had been on painkillers all day and when I went to bed, the headache was obviously being caused by my shoulder, so I rested my shoulderblade on my beanie cat hot waterbottle, and it really did the trick, I am OK today.

Unfortunately I had very sad and painful dreams about the Church, pretty much nightmares, although if what happened in the nightmare was true, it would make taking Jane Fisher to court much easier :)

Anyway, the nightmare has been affecting me but not  exactly triggering flashbacks, but it meant I was out of bed by 5.30, and drinking tea while doing part of my music scores and notation courses (supplementary to my music grade exams).

I had done the paper round by 6.30 and here I am, I was doing the washing up and have done my blood pressure which is very good, and I guess I can finish my meds, finish the washing up and  have a shower before Hollyoaks.

Today I am just going to work on these assignments before I go to work at 5.30 this evening.
It is going to rain all day so I won't bother with distribution work or anything.
I will stay in and watch the rain as I do these assignments.

Sunday, 21 February 2016


Good morning,

Another headachey start to the day, and waking from nightmares , but at least I got a lie in.
I did my round, and have continued to try and sort out the soaking wet clothes, they were out in the gale  last night but didn't completely dry.

I am tired and headachy despite doing so little yesterday.
 It is a grey and windy day, and I have been watching Mel and Joey, which is one of my favourite E4 loops.
I will go to the gym and I will work on my assignment and watch Hollyoaks.

Saturday, 20 February 2016


Good evening peeps,

Well I am running a  bit late so I will update briefly.

Yesterday I went out to lunch with my friend, and that was good, we had a big pot of tea and he had beans on toast and I had a cheese sandwich. One day I will tell you a funny story about yesterday, but not today.

Anyway, after that I came back and did some work and then got some money but too late to pay it in to my account in time for a bill that needed paying :( being in poverty is hell sometimes.

Anyway, yesterday evening I enjoyed actually being at home to see Hollyoaks as I was not working.

I went to sleep with my bite guard in, but when I woke from nightmares this morning it was nowhere to be seen, I would love to know what exactly I do in my sleep and if whatever I am doing wakes the neighbours, I mean not in a rude sense because it isn't that, I think I am just fighting for my life in my sleep as I have had to do in the waking world, sometimes I wake myself up when I am shouting or screaming.

Anyway, I was bright and early for my last day of doing three paper rounds, and it was a wet and mild morning.
After the papers, I had to dash into the main town to go to the bank as the local branch is closed at the weekend. So I sat in town with a coffee and listened to the church bells until the bank opened.
I got the bill sorted.

I came home and really it has been wash day as the washing hasn't been done for a while due to money mainly.
Three service washes at the laundry including towels ad mats, and one disasterous attempt to use the laundry room here, unsurprisingly I ended up with sopping wet laundry, the machine doesn't drain, it is all useless and now my washing is out on the line in the galeforce winds, I hope it doesn't fly off and slap the neighbours round the face.

This evening has been the deep clean and tidy evening for the flat, everything sorted.
And I have managed a few paragraphs of assignment, tomorrow is all assignment time apart from papers and gym.

I am tired and all sorted and ready for bed, only one round in the morning so I will have a slight lie in if I feel like it.

Those of you who read the other blog, well I was expressing some deep thoughts today, but the blog hasn't paragraphed them very well.

Friday, 19 February 2016


Good morning peeps,

Well last night I survived the last delivery shift of the week.

I fell into bed and slept.

This morning I fell out of bed with no memorable dreams.
And hurried to do the papers.
Florence was frosted over :( and it took all my de-icer to de-ice 'er.

I got the papers done relatively quickly considering it was three rounds on local papers day! Argh!
Well tomorrow is the last day of covering extra rounds, yay! :)
I have a headache today, which is hardly surprising considering the extra work.

Yesterday I had a good gym session before doing  some distribution work up on the cliffs in the beautiful sunshine.

Today I am watching Hollyoaks and then I will do some distribution and study work and also I am going to have lunch with my mate, who really wants me to have lunch with him, and to be honest it will do me good. My mates are doing all sorts of good stuff at the moment and I am missing out.

It is cold and sunny and there were snow clouds earlier.

Thursday, 18 February 2016


Good morning,

Sorry about the lack of blog yesterday, I was in bed most of the day, tired and depressed. Not something I want to do often.

One good thing was that I talked to my adoptive Mum by text, they are spending half-term babysitting some of their natural family, but mum hopes to come over here next week :)
I told her what I haven't told you yet, I usually keep you in suspense by muttering cheerfully about secrets.
Easter Monday - the Great Walk begins again!
Mum is happy to hear it, and if you want to sponsor me you can paypal me or those of you who know me can send money. As usual the sponsor money will be audited on my behalf.

Those of you who don't know about the Great Walk, I walked 70 miles solo for a different charity every year and this started when I was a rough sleeper. This walk is going to be harder for me because my friend is dead, and my walk last year was the best because she supported me so well and I just remember walking along the cliffs in the sunlight to meet her at the end of the day. I guess this can be in memory of her this year, and when I start running RaceForLife again, that will be in her memory too.

This year I want to add a new dimension to the walk, you know that bit that I hate? About 17 miles of horrible, well I am going to invite people to walk with me, it may make it less horrible.

Anyway, I worked a shift last night and had so much trouble with one customer that I thought I would resign or get the sack, I don't like my delivery shifts and I felt I wasn't on great terms with the people I work for, but to my surprise, the boss just said to me 'get yourself a coffee, it is very cold', and I did, and I started to feel better, and at the end of the shift it was neither resign nor sack, the boss was very nice and just told me how to deal with muddles like the one that had occured.

It is my last shift of the week tonight, hallelujah!
And then all I have is the two days of extra paper rounds and then back to normal.

This morning I woke from dreamless sleep, feeling refreshed, I was surprised that there was no snow, rain or ice this morning, the temperature was too high for frost but not warm, but nothing was falling and there was no wind, the snow clouds were over the hills and sea and it was a nice day, it is sunny outside but with snow clouds over the sea.

I got the rounds done by 7.10am and went to get teabags, can you imagine running out of teabags?!
 I watched Hollyoaks and have just been sitting here writing, apart from doing the washing up and cleaning and tidying.

I will be doing a few hours of work after gym this morning and then working on this assignment.

Tuesday, 16 February 2016


Good morning peeps,

Well my mood has been as black as midnight in hell and it still is, but never mind. I am still waiting for a delivery of 5HTP, which does work while not making me sick like chemicals from the doctor would.

Yesterday I went to the gym and did a good workout, my number of reps on the lateral pulldown surprised my instructor friend, but to me it is easy. My gym routine is still easy, I hardly break a sweat. On treadmill instead of doing fartlek training I was doing incline, like level 31 :) I like that.

Anyway, I was struggling with my assignment, so I got an extension and went out to do some distribution work. I was working on the bay and a lot of people were out enjoying the half term sunshine, and the tide was wavy and fluffy.

Then I came home to a hot shower before going out on the evening delivery shift.

I had a horrible shift but busy and thus I got paid more.
And they want me to work every evening until Thursday :( I hate working for them and I hate being out working in the evening but at least I will get paid, and the pay helps.

I slept well anyway. Woke this morning early enough to de-ice the car and trot it to the petrol station before going to do three rounds!
As well as extra shifts at stupidville, I have two extra rounds this week. I think half term should be banned because it means I am working until late every evening and then getting up super early to do lots of rounds.
Well I am grateful for the money but argh! Especially when depression is making even getting up and living difficult.

Anyway, a lovely clear and sunny day, I have just watched Hollyoaks and I am going out to do some distribution work soon.

My mate must be telepathic, he sent me a very simple email yesterday that just said 'Are you coping?'
To which the answer was 'well, yes, I am coping, no I'm not'.
He wants to take me out to lunch, which is kind but I am busy and he lives 8 miles away.
Although I could do with heading that way to the Samaritans at some point as well.

I guess I had better do an act of charity for this pritstick in the diocese of winchester who logs onto my blogs every day demanding the Jane Fisher post while I fall about laughing. Ere you go:

Monday, 15 February 2016


Good monday,

Well I went to bed early as I am battling depressing and life gets pointless at times.
I slept through with no memorable dreams although I know I was dreaming.

I crawled reluctantly out of bed to do the papers. I had run out of de-icer, so I had to scrape the car.

I did both rounds and enjoyed the clear smoky air and the hills blue in the cold.

I came home to a golden sunrise lighting up my room.
I have done my routines and am trying to decide on going to the gym. I think I will, but I mustn't overdo it, I need energy for this stupid assignment that seems not only pointless but illogical.

I got a 73 on my recently returned assignment.

I have work tonight, and I could be working today if this assignment wasn't in the way.

I have all my supplementary stuff to do but I can defer that.

Sunday, 14 February 2016

Come home Bob


Good morning,

Well I slept through the night, no switching lamps on in my sleep, and I kept my bite guard in all night.
I dreamed slightly about my friend. To be honest I need to speak to the bereavement services, not just to cope with my friend's death but I need to talk about my parents and the other friend I lost, the onslaught from the church prevented me from grieving properly.
Grief can affect daily life in normal people, it can really impact on someone as messed up as I already am.
I am living normally, but not normally as well.

Anyway, I did the papers this morning, and because of half term, the shop asked me if I will cover another round as well, from Tuesday. Wow, didn't I swap shops in order to be doing less? Actually the rounds here are close by and nothing like as massive as the rural routes.
 The usual Sunday morning, I have been reading Duma Key, done the usual airing of the flat and watching Hollyoaks.
I prepared the vegetables and potatos yesterday, so they are preparing to go on towards the end of the Hollyoaks omnibus.
My Sunday roast is rather unusual today as I can't be bothered to go and get fish, I am doing roast potatos, carrots and broccoli, and quorn sausages.
 And right now I am drinking way too much coffee, a new bad habit of mine.

I really must get on with this assignment that is due in.

Saturday, 13 February 2016


Good evening peeps,

Well last night I woke in the middle of the night very tense, I had been grinding my teeth real bad, so I took some painkillers and put a bite guard in, and managed to keep the bite guard in until morning.

I dreamed that my sister had committed suicide in St. Leonards in Dorset, but when I got there she was alive as well as dead and she had put her arm through a glass door and there was glass everywhere.
Then I dreamed about my deceased friend and she wanted us to go metal detecting and digging in a field but in the dream I felt awful.
Well, no wonder, you know how dreams really resound things? My friend is dead, no metal detector will bring that precious treasure of friendship back, and when people are laid to rest, you can't bring them back, the mind can be sickening and horrible when it tries to reconnect things in dreams.

Anyway, that kind of set my mood for today.
I got up and did the papers, the weather was wet but not windy.
I got paid plus extra for the extra rounds.

I came home and had breakfast and went to the gym, had a good workout and came home.
Then it has been another day of struggling to do anything, I ran out of 5HTP while I was out of money, and my mood is low without it.
I have some on order though.

I spent too much time reading Duma Key today, an old favourite, but I have an assignment due in and it is a big assignment and I feel rubbish because the computer wiped out the draft I had done.

Bugsy Malone was on again earlier.

I have done some shopping today, including bulbs for the lamps, did I tell you I turned the lamp on in my sleep again recently, and the bulb blew?
I have no idea why I have been doing that, it is really wierd.
I haven't done much strange stuff in my sleep since Jersey, apart from an episode when I was a rough sleeper when the diocese launched their attack and sustained it.

This evening when the cortizole levels changed, I felt motivated to clean the flat, so at least that is all done.
I have only three tasks tomorrow, even if it puts my work back a bit - assignment, paperwork, and recording. No gym or exercise or work. My exercise chart reads 665 minutes of exercise this week, and my blood pressure has spiked today for no reason, my weight is really good and nothing else needs doing.
So, Hollyoaks and stay in bed studying tomorrow after the papers.

We were supposed to be having an evening out this evening but the bad weather cancelled it as it was outdoors.

I think I will sit in bed and read Duma Key until bed time now.

Friday, 12 February 2016


Good evening,

Well I am a bit worried about what is being viewed on the blog, the common theme is Bob Hill and John Gladwin, one old fool and one asshole. Pretend I didn't say that and eventually I will remove it.

Yesterday was a bit mad, I worked hard for 4.5 hours and felt like I had run a 5K race.

I was so tired that sleep was tempting when I got home but I had things to do, chasing elusive people for invoice payments, thankfully when I finally collared them, they paid quite willingly and thus I had money for food, petrol and a cash float for my evening's work, the people I do delivery driving for are mean old skinflints who don't give me a float.

Anyway, so I went to work again after a while watchiung tv and eating food at last.

The evening's shift was so quiet that I spent about an hour just sitting studying my textbooks. I managed to read quite a lot.
 Anyway, it was a good shift generally although occasional heavy showers pelted around.

When I got home in the pelting rain, I was not a happy person, my parking space had been pinched because someone had pinched my neighbour's parking space and she had pinched mine, now that is a whole lot of pinching and we hardly know each other! :(

I had to park up the road in the car park that cheerfully offers to clamp people, but seeing as their ticket machine was broken and I would be going out at 6am, I figured I would be OK .

I slept OK, and scuttled sleepily to the car, which thankfully was enjoying a sleep in a car park that couldn't blame it for not displaying a ticket.
And off we went, local papers day and two rounds meant being early was a pre-planned good thing, and I was back here by 7.15am anyway and my neighbour had gone to work and the other car that had disrupted parking had gone.

I have just been watching Hollyoaks and done meds, weight and blood pressure, all good, my morning blood pressure reading is now normal without ramipril, so it may be that if I continue to lead a  healthy vegetarian lifestyle with a lot of exercise and no attacks by the church, I may be able to stop using ramipril.
Wow, it has been very swift, the change in lifestyle and the drop in blood pressure after all the years of it being too high is impressive. Who would believe that meat could cause blood pressure to go so high? Well the church were a bigger cause.
This past week I have had meat a few times, only chicken, because money was so low and there was chicken reduced to 30 or 40p for a leg or wing in the hot counter, I am not strict vegetarian, but to be honest, I simply feel better for it, and meat is so greasy.

Anyway, today is mainly a study day, and I need a study day, maybe study in bed, I am tired.
I may have a study breakfast actually.
Having a little bit of money in at last helps, there is electric in the meter and there is food and things.

Thursday, 11 February 2016

Thursday morning

Good morning peeps,

Well what a busy time!

I had just been chatting with you yesterday when the phone rang, the paper shop asked if I could cover another round.
So off I trotted and did so.
They gave me cash in hand, which meant I could put a few pounds in the meter and get some food and milk.
Money is tight.

Then I was off out working.
My mum texted me but she has a habit of forgetting that text isn't email and sending texts too big for the phone.
So then she phoned me, and we chatted for some time as I worked, she had strained a muscle so is on painkillers and hot water bottles, poor mum.
Anyway, it was cold and windy and the traffic kept disrupting our conversation so we continued by text.
 It was nice to chat to my muvver, they were giggling over what I sent them in the post, a certificate congratulating them on 5 years in charge of a nortyperson.

Anyway, so I worked in the cold wind and came home cold and tired to rest and watch tv, I started catching up with paperwork and pen letters.
When any crisis happens it takes weeks for me to catch up with things, and both Christmas and my friend's death have disrupted things.
For someone with autism, Christmas counts as a crisis even when it is good, because it is severe disruption of routine.

Anyway, so I watched Hollyoaks, wrote letters, and after that I went to the gym.
After the gym I did another hour's work and then came home and fell into bed exhausted.

You know in Hollyoaks I meant to say before it happened that Nikko was obviously ill and I knew she would collapse. Which is what happens on tonights Hollyoaks.
The signs were there, she looks ill, keeps saying she feels ill and people are outstandingly ignoring her complaints as they are so wrapped up in their own problems. But why would Lindsey try to kill her? Not enough room for two serial killers in the village? And will Lindsey try to kill Jade by adding something to her chemo mix? I could write Hollyoaks myself.

Anyway, so I woke reluctantly this morning and crawled out of bed, for the moment I have two rounds so it would be better if I could be out of bed by 6am.

Anyway, so not only was I running late but Florence had a thick blanket of frost and ice on her.
Haha, I used the last of the de-icer on her.
 Anyway, I got the rounds done, just watching Hollyoaks before I go back out to work.

Today is just work and work, I think. It is a cold day but quite sunny.

Wednesday, 10 February 2016


Good morning peeps,

Well it was a struggle doing anything yesterday, apart from trauma, my tummy didn't settle after it's rude shock of no food after meds.

In the end, I tidied the flat, because it is better to do something than nothing.

And I watched Hollyoaks and went to bed.

Hollyoaks had a few interesting moments. The best Was Trevor and Sienna's little chat, especially when they parted company.

'You're not bad for a fruit loop, you're OK'

'As are you, for a psychopath'.

Then Freddy suddenly not knowing how to fix an engine, how silly. If an engine fires but doesn't turn, there is only so many things that can cause that, and most mechanics know other people in the trade who will help them out if they don't have the tools.

Hollyoaks is poorly researched, I know I am addicted but sometimes it really is rubbish, like Gabriel being buried in an old churchyard, and Tegan's parents, normally old churchyards like that are closed to burials apart from family reserved, and none of those people have family graves, I mean the graves Gabriel and the parents are in are new, on their own, among old graves.
And things like Patrick actually being allowed to go and physically take Minnie when he got custody, that would be against any normal social services protocols, crap as social services are.
And Jason and Ben always arresting their friends and interviewing them, etc, simply not allowed, a conflict of interests a bit like the police in Jersey and Winchester acting as private mafia for the church.
Anyone remember Ben taking Sienna for a ride in a police car and letting her wear his hat?
Why do I watch such a trashy soap? :)

Anyway, I had a restless night, having gone to bed at 8.30pm, fed up and miserable.
I woke and crawled round my papers, and came home to watch Hollyoaks on repeat, and the sun rose over the sea and turned the sea pink and now it is a cool, clear and sunny day, ideal to go out and do some distribution work after all that bad weather.

I am worried about money, my tax credits have gone even though I am working the hours for disabled tax credits, and I can hardly make ends meet any more.

Tuesday, 9 February 2016


Good morning peeps,

Well talk about disasterous!

Yesterday I battled round some distribution work in the howling wind.
And in the evening I had a miserable delivery driving shift, but at least I brought home enough money to get bread and petrol and do the washing today.

I went to bed exhausted and slept soundly until morning, although I was having deeply distressing nightmares about the diocese and their police.

It has been a crazy morning, I woke from nightmares before the alarm, probably because I was screaming in distress. So I decided to trot Florence up to the petrol station on the main road before doing the papers, I did that, got to the shop nice and early but the papers had been delayed for hours, so I had to come home and go back at 8am.
I get bewildered by my routine being changed.

At home I just tried to focus on today's tasks but I am too tired, I watched Hollyoaks and put the laundry together.
I started my meds and weigh and blood pressure but I realised I had no bread, nothing for breakfast, my breakfast is two slices of wholemeal toast with bertolli light, I don't have anything else. And the problem is, I need my breakfast very quick after I take the meds, so I hurried to the shop and got bread and hurried home to do my toast, too late, I got an upset tummy :(

Anyway, I had to get the washing to the laundry and go and do the papers, I don't like doing the papers so late as the main roads are busy with work and school traffic, we don't exactly get rush hour, but stopping to deliver papers causes great consternation and honking, it's the cars with those fish symbols on them that are the worst, old ladies doing v-signs and using the f-word because they are late for communion.

Anyway, I forgot to say the wind has dropped but it is pelting rain. What fun
I really want to go back to bed, but I will get distressed and have flashbacks if I do.

I have extensions on my assignments, and I do have a bit of work to do, but I think I need to rest.

Monday, 8 February 2016

Monday morning

Good morning peeps,

Well yesterday, after doing some work I settled to sitting in bad, watching movies and studying.
Bugsy Malone was on, and then some film called 'The Fist Daughter' which had Riley Finn in it, taking a break from the Army and Buffy to fall in love with the President's daughter.
Then Airplane was on again :)

I went to sleep but it was hard to get up this morning, I slept deeply and the bed was warm and I felt tired.
The wind was tearing around, but the rain stopped for a while. The wind had blown the dustbins over, and because I was running late, I was going to pick them up when I got home, but someone else had picked them up. The wind is blowing dustbins and debris around the streets.

When I go out to the gym, I will go and look at the sea :)
 What I can see of it from the window is wild, with ships trying to shelter in the bay. I am glad I am not on board a ship today.

 I am just watching Hollyoaks and airing the flat, the wind is blowing the net curtains wildly.

Sunday, 7 February 2016


Good Sunday, peeps,

Please excuse the lack of blog, but seeing as the diocese appear to be ogling my blog, presumably for another cover-up that they will claim to offered me a voice in, I thought I had better update.
 You know when I see that stat on the blog and I think - Fisher, Fisher's police, etc, what are they going to do to seriously harm me now?
 Especially when  the viewer comes onto this blog, it seriously makes me wonder if that is Fisher, waiting to see if her police have snuffed me out yet.
Any readers unfamiliar with the blog, I am not barking mad, Fisher is this bully who violated every scrap of my privacy and destroyed me for threatening the church's reputatation for being abused and reporting it, she destroyed me and got me a criminal record and I will never recover and I suffer trauma 24 hours a day as a result of the viciousness, the cowardice and the lies of Fisher and her police combined.

Anyway, lets talk about now.

Yesterday I had the papers done and was home before it was light, then I went to the gym, one of the instructors had seen me out running when she was out running so she was very enthusiastic and came to talk to me. I had a good workout, came home, drifted a bit, well I was supposed to be resting, and in the afternoon I went grocery shopping and got a few hours of work done.
Then in the evening I cleaned the flat.

This morning I woke from startling dreams about my mate, and sent him and email about that, then I did the papers, came home, had breakfast, and went running.
I ran for a long time alongside the stormy sea, the waves were crashing over the wall.
By the time I was coming back, it was glorious sunshine but very cold.

I watched the Hollyoaks omnibus and cooked fish and rice for lunch.
Now I am going to shower and then go down to the sea and then do some work before retiring to my bed with my university work, studying in bed with the tv on is very decedant, but I have been ill and haven't rested since, and my mum texted me and said 'have you rested?' I told her I had tried to rest, and she wasn't at all surprised, because you have to take my batteries out to stop me from hurtling around.

Friday, 5 February 2016


Hi peeps,

Well I have been well enough to spend some time with my Mum and also do two catchup runs, but I can see that the Church of England are up to some sort of harm to me, mainly by the fact that they are viewing certain posts on my blog and also the calls from witheld numbers, well, I have never stopped expecting another revenge police beating and imprisonment for standing up to them. So I have been having constant flashbacks and remembering horrible things that the church have done to cover up and shame and silence me.
And I gather that Ashenden is spouting some form of hot air, but that is all he is capable of, it is incredible how hard the CofE are battling to ensure that everything they do is against Christianity, against Jesus, while they vainly try to disguise it as Christianity, again the scene from C.S. Lewis's 'The Last Battle' comes to mind.

Anyway, at least I completed a week's work and runs and am on my feet, and I have been to see my Mum.
The only thing not balancing well is university as the past week has led to me dragging behind in my work.

Wednesday, 3 February 2016


Good Wednesday peeps,

I am really not well at the moment.
If I didn't have to work, I would be staying in bed.
No energy at all.

The weather is bright and sunny but also bitter and windy, it was lovely on the cliff this morning :)

peeps, I can't write much, I wish I wasn't so ill.

Tuesday, 2 February 2016


Hey peeps,

Feeling sad here.
Not just because this blog is winning the two-blog race for 50 and 100 :)
I miss my friend.

On the bright side, I have been doing OK with my two new lots of work, and I have only had to miss one run out of the three, and I will be catching that up on my own, using a timer that the trainer will lend me.

I feel ill and exhausted, a definite relapse, but I am keeping work going, and study, the flat is clean and tidy and I will go to diet and fitness tonight.

It is a nice sunny day here but I plod on and on when I want to sleep.
Yesterday afternoon I couldn't stop sleep, and the nightmares were horrific.

I was hoping to see my mum today but we have postponed until Thursday.

Life doesn't feel good.
I guess everyone feels like this sometimes.
At least I did jacket potatos with tomato for lunch :)

There is a parrot at the pet shop, and when I stopped to talk to it, it whistled rudely at a man walking past and then went silent and the man looked very disbelieving when I said it was the parrot and not me!

Monday, 1 February 2016


Good morning peeps,

Just a brief post.

Yesterday was the same as usual. An extended workout at the gym, tidying the flat during breaks in the Hollyoaks omnibus, a drive along the cliffs and bays.

Today I have been busy sorting out this new contract, which is actually employed rather than self-employed, and permenant rather than casual, it is a low earner but any work is better than none, and this evening I also try this new delivery job, and I have just been in contact with the athletics trainer to ensure I can complete my runs without them clashing with work, as we are supposed to be training three times a week this week and next.

The weather has remained quite wet and windy but I plod round the papers as normal. It was hard to get up this morning despite falling into bed and sleeping at 9pm last night, I slept deeply through the night.

This morning is all about paperwork and written and recorded tributes to my friend.
I got the washing to the laundry and got the new distribution work sorted, and I will be going to collect both the laundry and a bundle for distribution very shortly.

This evening is athletics - in theory, and then starting the new delivery work. I have been having words with my new satnav.

I hope to catch up again soon peeps, it isn't easy at the moment.
I may well be out for the day tomorrow, catching up with my adoptive mother and so on.