Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Good morning peeps.
I write this blog for you as well as for me.

When I left the library last night I went to find a cuppa, and there had been a serious accident on the high street. Lots and lots of police, someone was lying on the ground under a blanket, and an ambulance came tearing up.
I didn't stop to look.
I got my cuppa and got an evening ticket and went riding on the buses. I saw fireworks and families in gardens with bonfires and sparklers, good, as long as people are careful it is good to have fireworks and bonfires on November 5th, some people go on about how dangerous it is, but cars are dangerous if people aren't careful, see what I mean?

Anyway, I went down to the waterfront and looked accross the spectacular city skyline on the water and there were competing firework displays over the city and the stars were large and bright in the clear sky, it was cold and I stayed and watched two ferries crossing paths and then got the bus back.
The accident was bad, because it was still all taped off and policed.
There was a pool of blood on the ground.
The accident was outside the pub where I get my cuppa last thing at night.
I went to get my cuppa and there was a woman there who was shocked and ordering more drink, she said she had seen her first death and she couldn't get over it, she had been trying to help the accident victim.
The police were in the pub, taking statements.

I had my cuppa and went to my sleeping place, the pub was unusually noisy and I was scared of bedding down, but I did anyway.
I put the small duvet into the sleeping bag's stuff sack, and I put the cushion on top of it to make a pillow, I put the cardboard down and put the old sleeping bag on top of it, got into the sleeping bag and put the wool blanket on top and put my balaclava on (it had been missing but I found it). I put a handwarmer in the sleeping bag and one in the pillow and tried to sleep, but I was tense and the pub was noisy.
This is the safest spot I can get but I am too nervous of the pub people.
The new sleeping bag was a bit small and tight really. And putting a sleeping bag on a sleeping bag wasn't a great idea because they are both smooth and so I kept sliding off my pillow, but I was too nervous to rearrange myself because I could attract the attention of the pub goers.

As it was, at one point I thought I heard some of them saying 'look a tramp over there, lets jump him', I am not positive that they said that, but I think they did.
But the thing is, when it is said like that, they rarely mean it, and actually, despite being possibly in view of them if they stood in the wrong place and were looking, I am within walls and one locked gate and one hard to open gate that they would have to walk to find, and if they were going to try and scale and jump any wall or gate I would have plenty of warning and would be able to call the police or run.
And I know that they are unlikely to disturb me really.

I dozed off, woke when all the lights had gone out, was uncomfortable, just couldn't relax and settle in a comfortable position. tossed and turned and drifted in and out, no terrors, no flashbacks.
Dreamed of one of my daycentres far away.
Fell into a deeper sleep after my alarm went off, and woke in a panic in broad daylight and immediately started scrambling. Looked at the time, 7am, phew! No one around.
Scrambled the bedding into it's place and me into McDonalds. There was a thick white frost and the sky was clear, I kept my thermals on.

I had my tea and bagel and a walk around, went to the pound store and got some knickers, went for a wash, the new knickers aren't great, the other pound stores does better ones but they had none in stock.
Got a cuppa and waited for the library to open, and here I am, with a book and lots of writing to do.
Have a happy day bloggypeeps.



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