This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Wednesday, 17 October 2012

yesterday morning it rained and rained, and then cleared into a beautiful day, I went to tea hour and drank my last cups of strong market tea, then I had a thorough wash and waited for the library to open.

In the library I charged the phone and netbook for half an hour and quickly did my internet.

Then I headed for the train.

I got the train ok, sometimes advance booking is silly, the train and carriage were half empty and yet they had squashed me in with another booking, I went to my seat eventually but was too uncomfortable so I simply went and took an empty seat elsewhere, the guard didn't mind, and I had a peaceful journey, it never got very crowded but towards the end I went and hung my head out the window in the corridor,as I do.

We arrived in London and as usual I was anxious and overwhelmed, I made my way to the choob train and got through the tube ok and wandered out near trafalgar square, I found the charity easily and the leader gave me a fat wad of paperwork to read and a letter to take to the cafe that entitled me to free hot drinks, so I went and sat in the cafe and read my wad of paperwork, and then all the other volunteers came down because it was windy and they had had to pack the stand up to stop it blowing away.

Then off we went back out and I was so nervous, I used to do this kind of thing a lot but that was before I was destroyed, so I was even more nervous than usual, approaching members of the public to raise awareness of our cause, not fundraising as many people mistakenly think as they run away, we are NOT chuggers, this project is not about money it is about raising awareness.

So the day rolls on, I arrived at 1pm and we finish at 6pm, by which time it is cold and getting dark, I don't tend to get cold as a homeless person because I scuttle around so much, but here in a wind corridor and standing still a lot I do feel cold. And it is killing my legs! really really painful! This is why I am disabled and can't sell the Big Issue!

Some people are rude, some are indifferent and some are very knowledgable and friendly. I earned my confidence by having a debate with a man who knew about our cause but didn't care and wanted to get his opinion out, he nearly turned my hair grey, I am not the best at communication and that took all my skill.
I had some lovely people though who were knowledgable and cared and wanted to know more.

at the end of the day I went to sit in the cafe with another volunteer who was waiting for rush hour on the tube to end before she tried to get home, we had a free cup of tea and a good natter, and she kindly offered me a small amount of money.

Then I headed for the Strand, no-one I knew was there but that is not surprising, it is a migratory homeless population and I have been away for a long time.
It was actually surprisingly quiet, and I waited and quietly sang 'Mountains of Mourne' and 'Streets of London' as I used to, and soon a rice run came, the strand remained quiet and there was none of the pushing and shoving that I remembered, I got my pot of food and a bottle of water.
Hot curry and rice c/o the kind Sikhs, and no wonder they give us bottles of water with it, it is hot!
I didn't have any lunch so the meal is so welcome.

So I had a good hot meal and waited to see if a sandwich run would come so that I would have something for the next day.
Two ladies came with bakery goods and bananas and cartons of juice.
They were very kind to me and I got several small packets of bakery goods and a banana and a carton and some chocolate. Ideal.
No tea run appeared so I wandered off. I decided to do the long journey to Northfield as the backpacker hostel there used to do cheap beds, but sadly they turn out to be under new management and too expensive, so I head all the way backto Southwark, no one has claimed my bushes so I kip down, i know I wont sleep the night as bad weather is forecast and there is no safe shelter, but I must try to get some sleep.

I doze and sleep lightly and comfortably, the rain starts at 3am and so I am up.
I walk down to Waterloo but there is a big crowd of drunk people round waterloo grill so I have to wait for my tea.
As I wait I am approached by a drunk guy, I am never in a good mood at 3am so he was last seen hurtling directly towards the Thames at 100mph.

I get my tea and sit in a bus shelter and sit and sit and sit, 4am, ladies of the night running through the rain for their buses home, it is pouring and pelting rain.
Second cup of tea.
4.30, Waterloo station opens and I crawl in, pick up a copy of the metro and sit on the station to read it, a drunkard approaches and begs me for change, he was last seen following the other guy into the Thames.

5am, a nice toilet break in the disabled toilets and I find my handwash gel and some antacids as I have run out of stomach meds and am in pain and my hand smells slightly of fox poo from where I was sleeping at Southwark, how dare a fox poo in my bed!

5.30am, down the tube, haha, well no, the Jubilee Line is barely running so I do a clever alternative route along the Northern Line, I got a travel card for today with some of the money I was given, and I get to London Bridge.
I wonder if I will remember the way but as I turn the corner the Shard of Glass looms and suddenly there are tears in my eyes.
I remember how I could hardly walk from Southwark and how I used to use the Shard of Glass as a landmark to follow and how I would keep looking up at the shard as it grew bigger and bigger on the horizon until I was at the daycentre.

anyway, I wander descreetly into Guys Hospital, as descreetly as you can with a huge backpack and a black bag of bedding.
I go  to the loo and then I get the lift up to the 30th floor to admire the view, i used to do this, the view is blurred by rain but still beautiful, London lit up in the dark.

and then I gather all my loose change together for a cuppa at McD's, and here I am, sneakily charging my laptop as I drink my tea, suddenly it is light outdoors, and the daycentre opens at 8.30 unless it has changed while I have been away.
I am out of money completely but I needed all that hot tea and the travel card, I have food from the strand and I will be at the daycentre shortly and will have free tea as I work today.
Another day of scary dealing with the public.

The forecast is once again good for the daytime and bad for the night. :( This is not good, I need sleep.

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