Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Friday, 26 October 2012


Morning peeps,
It is nearly 1am in the morning, I woke up with severe distress after falling alseep at about 5.30pm this evening, well this has messed up my sleep pattern.

This morning the time passed and it got to post office time, the post office was quiet and I got my money straight away.
I went and put my backpack in storage, which was such a relief, and then I went and had breakfast, a bacon roll and a cup of tea.
Then it was time to go shopping.

Normally I go to poundland for my medical things and essentials, but in this expensive tourist town there is no poundland.

So I went to the chemist, I got some salt scrub because I have dirt ingrained in my arms and neck and places from sleeping under the arches where it is dirty and my wet wipe washes don't clear the dirt off my skin.
I also got razors, and some nice body wash.

Then I went to the outdoor shops, I need so many things, I got some 'foot-warmers' as they had no hand warmers, and a new sheewee at a bargain price as I left the old one behind and they are very hygeinic and make me less vulnerable and less noticable, I also got a proper balaclava, which are ideal for night time, and some new mess tins due to the demise of my saucepan, and some fuel tablets.
I also needed boots and a backpack, but I am always unsure of buying these and they take such a chunk of my money.

Then I went to the backpack hostel and booked a room, I need to remove the dirt from me and my clothes and this place has showers and a laundry.
I had to wait to check in at midday, so I went for a walk around, and then back to check in, and then I had my shower, then I got laundry tokens and washing liquid.
Clean and smelling nice, I sat and watched my laundry wash and read my book, I know that it you don’t watch your laundry then somebody might pinch your smalls.
Haha.
But a few minutes before my washing finished and was ready for the only tumble dryer in the room, some guy came in and put his wet overalls in the tumble drier, which was annoying.
So I had to wait for 40 minutes for the dryer, which was annoying, because I was only wearing my charity tee-shirt and couldn’t really go out.
So I came back to my room and set the laptop up, and found to my horror that the USB drive that I stored my book on had been wiped and I had lost the book! Well I had lost more than half of it anyway, there was some of it stored on the laptop.
I was absolutely horrified and very distressed, what has happened in my life to leave me homeless is hurting me so much and I was getting towards explaining about it, and now it is like going a long way backwards and having to explain all over again, I am in so much distress anyway that I need to get this written so that I can be understood.
Anyway, I got my washing dried and actually felt quite proud, it has been a long time since I used a laundry, and I am pleased to have clean clothes and things. I washed my hats, scarves and gloves, thermals, travel towel and pouch, socks and knickers, police jumper, coat, long sleeved top, teeshirt, leg brace and bandage. I couldn’t wash my jeans as I only have the one pair and I couldn’t take them off. ( the other pair was worn out).
Then I went to the outdoors shop again and got boots, I couldn’t see a backpack that would suit me and within my budget, I have spent too much money already today, anyway, I realised that I had forgotten to have lunch in all the busyness of the day, which is funny because I have been so hungry recently and so I went and got a small pizza as a combination of lunch and supper, and then I went back to my room.
I have been sleeping 10 hour nights and so I didn’t think I would be tired, but I lay down on the bed and I was asleep, I woke just after midnight, having slept from about 5.30, and I woke in terrible distress and despair and much too hot despite the window being open, this place is stifling hot, went downstairs to log onto the wifi and started to type the blog but my full battery ran out before I could get very far, there are two sockets down there but one man was hogging both, and I didn’t have the guts to go and ask him if I could use one.
I went to stand outside, it was funny standing there in the early hours, I live outdoors at night but you would never find me just standing there in the middle of the night, normally I am only up to go to the loo at this time of night.
I am back in my room, it is nearly 3am and I am scared to lie down in case the distress gets me again.
I have been sorting out my backpack ready for tomorrow, the backpack was unacceptably heavy and I have done my best to make it lighter, I hope it works.
It is not a great idea to be up at this time despite having had almost 7 hours of sleep, it will throw my body clock and brain out of sync, whatever that means, it is hot in here, too hot for me and I feel headachy and generally not quite right.
Oh I thought getting my money was going to make things a bit better, I am tense and unhappy, indoors in the hotness makes me worse. The wind is blowing outside and the temperature is higher than they thought and it is raining lightly. I would have slept well in the arches if the wind wasn’t blowing in.
It’s really funny, the arches is cold and damp, dirty and smelly, but I have got used to it and have learned to sleep 10 hours a night there, sometimes with a break in the middle of the night, but I got used to it, the slope alongside the damp wall in the shadows where I sleep, cardboard, sleeping bag, blanket, backpack with clothes on as a pillow, it makes a comfy enough bed when you are used to it, and it is sheltered enough from the weather. The dirt and dust aren’t brilliant for my system or skin really though.
I have been walking round the hostel without my boots on, I started off by hobbling painfully because I have had my boots on for weeks, but now I am hobbling normally.
Sometimes I forget in day to day life that I need to do things like taking my boots off and moisturising my poor old skin and things like that, when you are hungry and simply surviving and hunting for stickers and food, you neglect other things.



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