Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Friday, 12 October 2012

Eyup bloggypeeps,

Yesterday evening I was indoors in my little unit in the old chap's place, I was very tired so I didn't do anything, I drank lots of tea, ate a peanut butter sandwich and watched a bit of television.

It started raining, as forecast, but I stayed indoors and went to sleep.
I dreamed of my family, I dreamed my dad was there, but vague and ghostly, and my mum was there, I was trying to work out what to do about the despair and hostility and the fact that the two youngest just slept all day because they had nothing to do.
Towards the end of the dream one of the friends of the family was saying he accepted me as I was and I was welcome, but no one else said anything.
Thankfully I woke up. That dream comes purely from the fact I have been writing down my memories of the family. I am glad I am away from them.

I woke and dozed, and it was about 9am when I got up, which means I slept for at least 12 hours.
I was relieved to wake with no pain or discomfort, I had felt the start of head and neck pain when I was falling asleep and often sleeping in a bed here does leave me in pain, but today I feel surprisingly ok, no throat or stomach pain, no headache, no pain in my foot yet.

The saddest news reaches me by email, the Gallery has indeed closed down, my friend who ran the gallery is a very private person and closed the gallery with no publicity or warning, she was simply struggling with costs and red tape and obstructive governing bodies, which is very sad. A piece of my life is now missing, a warm safe part of my routine when I am here. I will miss it today when I come back from the outreach lunch.

I get a quick slice of peanut butter on toast, I am not hungry, I wonder if there is still a lot of air in my stomach from yesterdays ordeal.
I get a quick shower and then head off. My new clothes are nice and comfortable, but they have eaten a hole in my budget, I need a rich uncle or something.

I walk up the hill, it is raining and it is hard for me to breathe, I stop to take my inhaler.
I go to the post office and am first in the que, the man on the counter has a broad local accent and is hard to understand but very chatty, he tells me I should dry my hair using the hand dryer in the ladies loos, little does he know that I am the original mastermind of that trick.

I head for the library but my legs go wobbly and I feel dizzy. Cheerful asks me to mind his pitch and bag while he goes to the loo, there is a disturbance in the square while I am on duty, lots of police and a few addicts. Cheerful comes back and I head onwards, I put my bags in a locker and get a cuppa and wait for ages for the lift because people who don't need it are hogging it.
How I hate this town. I walked out of into crowds of people who don't know about personal space and their cigarette smoke this morning. It annoys the hell out of me.

And I have a dental appointment in half an hour, the first half of my crown is being done, that means two dental appointments and one hospital appointment in three days, that is too much for someone with Asperger Syndrome. :(

I feel wobbly, I need my mummy to hug me and reassure me.

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