Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Friday, 5 October 2012

Hi bloggys,
I thought I would update you from McD's.
There is nowhere else to sit and shelter, it is pouring with rain and it is 5 minutes until the soup run.

The library closes at 5pm on a Friday, hence me logging off early.
I was surprised by the manager in the library as I walked out with my duvet in a bag.

'That's not your bed is it?' he asked in soft local accent
'Yes it is' I tell him.
'Not for more than one night?' He asks,
'yes, permenantly' I tell him.
He looks horrified.
'It looks heavy' he says,
I tell him it is not heavy, just bulky.
He wishes me well and apologizes for having to turn me out so early into the rain, and I tell him I will survive.
'I hope so' he says.

This short conversation helps to ease the annoyance at the rude lady earlier, the rude lady can't be a local. People are so nice here.

As I walk outside my faith is further restored when a homeless guy shouts hello and asks if I am ok.
For so long, too long I was living in a homeless community where the only person who asked if I was ok was the rapist and he was just jeering. It is so healing to be in such a friendly town.

It is raining and raining, my food sadly has not healed after a lot of infection came out of it, infection is still building up and coming out and though it briefly got a bit better it now is sore again and I am nervous walking through the crowds because I don't want my foot trodden on. The other day in the other town, one of the people at the daycentre was being an idiot and he trampled heavily on my sore foot and threw even more of a tantrum instead of apologizing.
He is not homeless but he is very badly behaved and I was quite annoyed. So I am very nervous about my foot. Feet that get infected are potentially a serious problem both with mobility and with infection potentially going into the bloodstream, and when you walk in boots all day it makes it worse.

I have rarely had my feet trodden on and it is ironic that the guy at the daycentre trod on it when it is so sore. He is like a child that guy and was being silly because he wasn't allowed to eat all the food and sweets that are supposed to be shared round, he wanted the lot. I know I am childish but not like that.

Anyway, I had to start scouting round for a sleeping place, a sheltered one as it will rain all night, I managed to get through the traffic to look at the arches. Lots of towns have arches, the ones in this town that aren't fenced up are a bit too exposed and it is likely that the outreach pester anyone who tries to sleep down there. So I don't know where I will sleep.

It is pouring with rain. I head for McD's, I mean, where else can I shelter and sit and drink tea and chat to you?
again, don't worry about me tomorrow, I am on my travels.

ah here I am again peeps, at the backpacker hostel, why here and not the homeless shelter? well the shelter has no showers, and they are obliged to try and process me into the housing system if I keep turning up, which means attempts to force me into the awful hostels and humiliating pointless meetings and red tape that is impossible to cut, all to try and house me when I cannot be housed and cannot get through the system.

When I left McD's I went to soup kitchen, it was good, sheltered in a big porch because of torrential rain.
Then I came to the hostel, because my chest is rattling and I am disorientated and disheartened by too much time indoors, foggy with depression and the flashbacks that all this time indoors is causing and just unable to get myself sheltered from another night in the rain with no enough bedding.
I wish my friends would stop praying for me to stop indoors, they are playing havoc with my life.

I am in big dormitory, I cannot afford a room, there are lots of women and I am afraid that I will snore and keep them awake or scream in terror in my sleep as I once did in a dorm full of women and I was so embarrassed.
I do not like dorms, I feel embarrassed, I have no pyjamas and my clothes and hair are wet, I smell wet, most of my stuff is in a locker on the landing so I can do a runner when I have slept or even rested enough. I have had bad experiences in dorms and am not deeply happy, but at least I am out of the weather on a weekend night and can shower and keep warm and dry..
I have only enough money for tomorrow's ticket and then I am destitute.

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