Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Monday, 29 October 2012

Good lunchtime bloggys,
excuse my absence but this is due to sunday being a church day and not an internet day.

On Saturday evening it stopped raining but the wind was strong and cold.
I sat on a bit of cardboard by my stove and tried to brew drinks, there was nowhere to shelter the stove, and the wind blew the stove fiercely and wore the fuel down too quickly.

Eventually it was time to settle down to sleep, it was cold but not too cold, I didn't sleep well, but it was the wind, not the cold that kept me awake again. And the drunken shouting didn't help.

I dozed off, and at 1.05am I was woken by the silence, the wind had dropped, the pub was closed and there was no noise, just cold dark silence.
I was puzzled because I thought the pub would be open until 2am.

Anyway, I snuggled back down and dozed off again, woke with the alarm at 5.30am, and dozed off again, now more warm and comfortable.
I got up at 7am on Sunday morning, or I thought it was 7am.
and I stashed my things and headed for McD's, where I sat with a hot cuppa and a bagel with philadelphia.
at 8am I went to the church, or I thought it was 8am, but I found that no one was there, and then I realised it was the last Sunday in October and the clocks must have changed.
I was amused at myself for forgetting, but actually I hadn't had any sort of reminder from anyone or anything and had been too caught up in my own struggle for life.

So I went back to McD's and used my stickers for another hot drink and have my wash in their loos until the real 8am came around, then I went to church for communion.

In church I was greeted by everyone, they all know my name but to my shame I don't know their names, I keep that a secret, but I am not here enough to learn names and my ability to recognise people is still really bad.
I recognise the old man who always makes me so welcome, and the vicar who also makes me so welcome.
The churchwarden makes me a cup of coffee and I sit and quickly drink some of that before the communion service begins.
Communion goes as normal, and afterwards, someone gets me another cup of coffee and some biscuits, the vicar says hello but she is too busy to stop and chat.

I go for a walk and eventually I go to the other church where I have another cuppa while I wait for the service to begin.
I am very short of breath today and my leg aches, it is hard to stand and sing, I am not the only one feeling tired, the little girl who usually runs and plays during the service is staying in her daddy's arms, quiet and tired, her mummy is very ill and the doctors don't know why, so we pray for them.

Afterwards there is more tea, and the minister apologetically tells me I can't go home with them today because his wife is tired and recovering from a heavy cold. I tell him I don't mind but he seems to think it matters.

I go out and walk back to the town centre and try to work out what to do for the rest of the day.
I get a sausage roll from the bakery for my lunch, and I go to the charity shops to find a book. I find one of my old favourites for a cheap price and I go to where the other homeless used to camp, my intention is to settle down there and read, but I am too cold there, too unsettled.
So I go down to near where I sleep and brew, luckily no one is there today, and I get some of my cardboard and sit down, wrap myself in hats and scarves and gloves and light the stove, brewing endless hot drinks as I read my book.
I sit and read for a few hours and then I go to McD's for a cheeseburger for my tea.
Then it is almost time for evening church, I walk round the lanes and wonder again what it is like to be a lifelong settled housedweller.
and then people start arriving at church and I go in for a cuppa. The evening service is good, and afterwards I ask the pastor if there is any way he can bring my little duvet and cushion from my stash of things in his garage at some point? Because my backpack is an uncomfortable pillow and I need the extra bedding.
The minister surprises me by asking if I want to come home, I say what about his wife if she is not feeling too good, but he says it is ok, he says it is cold outside and raining and everyone can see that I am limping and in pain.
I am still a bit worried because his wife is tired but they assure me it is ok.
So we go home and watch television and I feel like crying, I think about my dad and I realise that both his Birthday and the anniversary of his death have been this week, they are within three days of each other, and this is the first time I have missed his anniversaries, but I have been busy trying to survive, and he has been in my thoughts and felt close in the past week. God bless you Dad, rest in peace.

We have some supper and a cup of tea, and then I go and lie down on the conservatory floor with my duvet and cushion and fall asleep. I sleep soundly and wake when it is getting light, I am unsure of the time because the clocks have changed so I don't know what time it gets light.
I lie there and doze, and eventually scramble off the floor and go to the loo, soon it is breakfast time, it is raining outside and the freezing temperature has gone back to mild.

I like breakfast here, I have weetybix and toast and a mug of tea, and then I have a wash, I hate to ask for a shower when I stay anywhere, so if I am not offered a shower or bath I just have a wash.

Then it is time to go, they have made me some sandwiches and the minister is going to drop me off in town, we end up talking about a current issue in the news and kind of about how I know how some people in power can be invincible and destroy anyone who stands up to them.
The minister drops me off by the library and says that if I ever need picking up from anywhere within a hundred miles then I should call them. I thank him and hobble off to the library.

I decide not to go straight into the library, I walk down the town and buzz on a doorbell, the secretary lady answers and lets me in, they have a courtesy shower here that they let me use, so I have a quick shower and a mug of tea and a chat to the lady, and then I go over to the church and sit and meditate for a few minutes.

Then I get a takeaway cuppa and sit in the library eating my lunch and waiting for my study room booking to start - 1pm-7pm, and here I am in the study room.
It was just raining hard, it is always good to sit and watch the rain.





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