Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Thursday, 24 November 2011

Well today is stress day, giro day, and yes, they have messed things up as usual. I end up spending two hours at the benefits office, and though I finally get my giro, things are still not ok at all, thankfully there is a nice lady in the office who helps me and makes me an appointment with another agency that supports disabled people so that they can help sort out the communication and the problems to do with benefits, because the benefits agency have crazy policies meaning they can't sort things out themselves with this benefit, and I have so much trouble using a phone that there is no way I can sort it out on my own over the phone.

Two hours of extreme stress, it is crazy that they change the rules all the time and don't tell the customers and leave the customers who are disabled in situations like this.
I am just glad that I was able to get a cup of tea and eat yesterday's goody bag for breakfast, otherwise I could have collapsed with stress and hypoglycemia while dealing with the benefits office.

I get my giro and cash it, I am thirsty so I get a cup of tea and a pepsi, then I go down to the mission.
At the mission the man who is standing in for grandad is there, and some of the others, and they make me welcome. The man with the guide dog is there, I tell him about the American couple with the American guide dog, then I take his guide dog for a walk while he has his tea and chat, his dog knows she is off duty when I take her out, so she pulls me all over the place to smell the smells and do weewees, I let her because she deserves it.

I enjoy being at the mission and chatting and drinking tea, but so much of my day has been wasted on the Benefits office and their muddles, so I have to go and try to get some clothes shopping done, I am really annoyed that the benefits office are witholding money I am entitled to because of their own mess ups, I need new clothes, my trousers are wearing so thin that they are almost indecent, my teeshirt is ragged and smelly, I need underwear as well.
The mission is conveniently situated on a road into town that is crammed with charity and secondhand shops, I buy three teeshirts at low prices, some underwear, shower gel and mouthwash.
I walk up and get some food, I haven't really eaten since breakfast and it is now nearly 4pm. I eat the food quickly and hungrily.

I go to the bed and breakfast, the man almost smiles, he lets me have the self contained room and tells me that the tv needs reprogramming and can I do that? I say I can.
The tv works enough for me to watch a kids tv programme that I used to watch - Tracy Beaker.
I put the kettle on and I dunk my shirt, teeshirt and spare bra in the sink and wash them and put them in the shower, then I put myself in the shower and wash and rinse myself and my clothes, I wring the clothes out and leave them to drip and put on my new clothes, I still need new jeans as the old ones are worn through.

I love the clean feeling, clean hair, clean teeshirt, clean skin, I put my fleece on, I thought it would be scratchy without the shirt underneath, but it is ok, the shirt was so very dirty as well, I am glad to have taken it off and washed it.

I walk through town, it was cold and clear earlier but rain was forecast, it is clouding over and mild now.

It is so nice to be all clean.

The only thing is that the bad memories are flooding in and I am having distresses and flashbacks. From just going in the bed and breakfast? I was talking about this at the mission, how simply going indoors makes me distressed.
Oh how I wish I could share the memories with you, the things the church have said and done, I wish I could take it all out and put it on paper for you.
I realised as well that I seem to have missed a large bit out of the sequence of what I have been sharing with you about the Island. But I have a feeling that I have written about it later on.

I wonder who in England is suddenly avidly reading my blog? The people who I have give the link to in England dont tend to read the blog and the blog is removed from search engines due to the concerns I had about who was reading it and why, as explained previously. I hope you find the blog interesting. It helps me to write it out.

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