This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Monday, 28 November 2011

Hello, please excuse my 'letting off steam' post yesterday, I have been asked not to delete it, so I am thinking about that. These days I always feel like answering back when I go to church.

yesterday wasn't too bad for a Sunday, I was able to get some internet access intermittently and despite the immigrants. I did some reading as well. And when the library closed, I went for a walk around, I got my pain meds and started taking them, they do help but they take energy as well, so I am going to see if the doctor agrees to cortizone injections instead, (ouch!).

I went looking for a decent evening church and wandered into quite a decent sized church, I was welcomed and made welcome, several people introducted themselves and told me about the church, one woman came and sat with me and told me what she knew of homeless services in the town, I told her I knew about the homeless services but that trying to house me wasn't going to work at the moment, she understood that, she offered me some money and I told her she shouldn't give money to homeless people, she said she knew that but that she felt that she should, she took me through for coffee after the service and I was surprised at how everyone was friendly and wanted to say hello.

TThe other service itself was good, and another thing that warmed my heart was that someone gave a brief talk on 'Stop the traffik' (my favourite charity) and human trafficking. People don't realise that human trafficking is a huge problem because it is more profitable and less risky than drug trafficking, and vulnerable people from poor countries are duped into becoming slaves by offers of well paid jobs in wealthier countries, and when they get there they have their papers taken away and they are imprisoned as slaves for unpaid labour or in the sex trade. I have no money to support Stop the Traffik and the work they do to prevent slavery and free slaves, but I support them with my heart.

Anyway, at coffee time I was invited to join the Christian students for a game, the game would have been too physical for me, and another girl who didn't feel up to playing, introduced herself to me and we went outside to talk as it was very noisy and hot in the room where coffee was served, we were joined by someone else and we ended up talking about churches and Stop the Traffik, then me and the girl went back in and she introduced me to her husband. She then invited me to go with her to a pub quiz that her friend was takking part in.

The woman who had given me some money asked if I would like to come and help with teas and coffees for the toddlers service on Wednesday, I said yes, it would be nice to feel useful again.

Me and the girl went to the pub, which was not far away, her friend already had a team of four, which is the maximum, so she and I formed our own team on the spur of the moment, the man asked what our team was called and she hesitated and I said 'Unexpected?' so that became our team name.

We did badly in the first two rounds, it was all American celebrities and presidents and mainly historical not recent, so we struggled and felt too young for the quiz, but by the third round we were improving. The fourth round looked like a geography of Britain round and that looked promising, so we played our joker, and it was a good move, we did well on this round, there aren't many places in Great Britain that I don't know or know of due to my travelling. So we did well on that round and then struggled through a comedy lines round, we did well in the house round and so we survived, we were nowhere near winning but we certainly weren't the losers either. It was fun, it was good for me to be doing something like this again, it took me back to my years in Main Village, where I used to take part in quizzes.

Afterwards the girl and I exchanged phone numbers before parting company, it turned out that she and I had met before a few times without really knowing each other as she worked at the council and did street outreach, but we had never spoken before. She said that we should meet up again sometimes and I said I would definitely be coming back to the church anyway. She is a nice girl.

I hadn't realised it was so late when we left the pub, 11pm, I walked back to town and wished somewhere was open so I could get a cuppa, but nowhere was, it's a small town, not London.
I went back to my sleeping place and bedded down, it was a cold clear night but I bedded down warmly, it was nearly midnight before I was bedded down and fell asleep thinking that at least it was only 6 hours till morning and a cup of tea.
I woke up at 7.30, I had slept comfortably on my side all night and I woke up to a clear cold morning, no frost, just cold, I woke up from sleep worries and unhappiness and anxieties to do with the church, it is hard to get up and move when that happens, but I got up and packed my bedding up and headed for the market toilets, it is so handy having early morning toilets only minutes away, some places have been much more inconvenient. I go to the tea stall for 'tea hour', where I have nothing better to do than stand and listen to the talk. This morning all the news is of a sportsman who commited suicide, he had a wife and family and everything to live for, poor man, something was obviously really upsetting him, no one in the paper tried to say he was mentally ill, as the church have done with me because of my despair and will do if I kill myself.

Anyway, I had a wash and now I am here, trying to gather myself to write more of the painful distressing part of what has happened to me, and knowing that there is so very much of it to write and so much complication.

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