Questions

Why is my life so complicated?

I came from a background that couldn't be much more bizarre and complicated. I came into the adult world as a 17 year old with no understanding of the world outside and away from my family, who resembled a closed cult in some ways.
I was undiagnosed autistic and because no-one knew, no-one made allowances or helped me, this went on until I was diagnosed aged 25, 6 years ago.
The help I needed was needed since I was a child, and even up until now, I have been unable to get the therapy that I need, and now I am so very damaged that it would be difficult for anything to help much.

I was brought into the church by Janet's enthusiasm, and a wealthy middle class church in a very wealthy district isn't going to understand a single disabled disturbed female, and they are going to feel uncomfortable. More credit to the friends I did make in these churches, every church mentioned is a wealthy church with a middle class and mainly aging congregation, sometimes with a sprinkling of young evangelical/charismatics, a type of person who doesn't understand me any more than the elderly people.

Having left a closed cult type of family, I was vulnerable and unused to speaking for myself, the church's adoption of me seemed ideal, janet was in charge, or the Hypochondriacs, or Greg and Alice, the church replaced the family, and these people took charge in my parents' place and of their own accord, but though I am vulnerable, I am not a toy, if I am hurt by people's actions, I react.

Janet's inaccurate view of me as a nymphomaniac and her views were damaging, and the attitude of the church to sexual abuse and scandal and avoiding potential scandal (something that the church seems obsessed with), all of this when I am not and never have or will be interested in sex. It is the church obsessed with scandal rather than me interested in sex or ever being seductive.
If I wanted sex then the hundreds of men who have propositioned me wouldn't have been turned away. I remain celibate despite it being safer to have a partner if you are street homeless.

Anyway, I will log off and continue writing tomorrow, the next chapter is called 'The worst years' and tells my story up till now.