This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

I haven't properly written my blog for a few days, so that makes it difficult to catch up, but I will.

The other evening when I stopped writing my bog, I went to the takeaway to see if there were any leftovers, there were but the skater boys wanted to push me out of the way to get the leftovers, because they said they were there first, but the man didn't let them because they are not homeless and I am.

I must have been hungry, because I ate everything really quickly, noodles and something that I think is sweet and sour chicken, I had never really had much to do with chinese food before so I don't know much about it, I like noodles and rice but I eat the spicy food only because I am hungry.

I went to the samaritans, which was ok,
then I headed back to my sleeping place, via the stickers and the cuppas at McD's.

I will miss my sleeping place, my flattened space in the pile of leaves in the hedge, and I know I can't take all my warm comfy bedding with me, all I can manage to carry and lug around on a long journey with walking is my backpack, the lightweight sleeping bag, my warm clothes and shawl and pillow. It is a leap into the unknown as usual.

After a good night's sleep I go down to the market stall, there is hot tea to be had, and the market people say that they thought I had already gone, I tell them that the plans were changed at the last minute and that I will be off shortly and that I will actually be coming back because I have a free return ticket this time.
Some of the men who prop up the stall are laughing about someone else who said they were going away and didn't.
I have a wash in the toilets and go back to the stall to get a slice of toast and some tea, they give me a takeaway tea when I go to the coach station.
I find public transport travel stressful, and I hope that no-one sits next to me.

There aren't too many people waiting at the stop, but this is a stopping coach that goes round the towns :(
Two bus inspectors walk past and say 'The London bus looks busy today', this shows that this must be a fairly quiet coach route, the coaches I have been on before are usually crowded.
As I wait, a loud black man in an orange jacket barges up and shouts at me and everyone else there, asking if this is the London bus, in my startled dysphasia it takes me a minute to work out what he is saying, by which time he shouts to another lady, asking if this is the London bus? She says she doesn't know and backs away.

He must have worked out that it is, as he stays around. But when the bus actually arrives late, he refuses to que and stands at the side and tries to barge in front of me, telling me he was here first, I tell him that he arrived while I was waiting, and he starts swearing at me, he purposely waited until the first lone female (me) came up and tried to barge in, but I wouldn't let him, and he is furious, he continues to swear at me as I board and tries to tell the two girls behind me that he was before them, they too stand their ground and he is really angry, when he finally boards he goes to the back and starts shouting and swearing into his phone about us to his friend, before arguing with his friend and telling his friend that he doesn't trust him and he's been messing him about behind his back, this leaves me frazzled and angry and tense, people like that guy can make life hell, but why should I be barged out the way any more, I am supposed to be wicked, evil and all kinds of bad, so why shouldn't I stand up to him?

Thankfully the coach stays uncrowded and the thug stops shouting at his friend about everyone wh ohas done him wrong when he is trying to stay out of prison, and goes to sleep.
On the way to London the opposite carriageway is closed due to an accident, miles of ques, air ambulance, a car on it's side, very bashed up,  it reminds me that not being able to drive is ok sometimes.

I get to London and into the choking smoke and crowds, no wonder my asthma is better since leaving London.

I manage to decipher the tube as well as usual, but my legs are shaking and I feel dizzy, I am not sure if it is the journey or the stress or low blood sugar, so I get a chocolate bar and walk up to the daycentre, there they give me tea and a sandwich which I eat as if I am starving, well I must have been hungry without knowing it.
They have got my bag out of the store for me in preparation as I thought I was going into the houseshare that fell through.
I will take the bag anyway in order to sort it all out, and in the hope of getting my little laptop working as well. They tell me to leave my bags with them as I am coming back later to meet my friend here.
I go and make a hair appointment, my appointment is in 15 minutes so I go and get a cup of tea with my spare stickers.
Then I go and have my hair cut, I go to the hairdressing school where they do it free of charge, today they have decided to cut it by grabbing handfuls and using a razor, unusual, if I didn't already have a headache then I do now.
It takes an hour to get my hair done, but once it's done it is all thoroughly washed and conditioned as well, which is good as it was very dirty and greasy.

I go to meet my friend, and we share some chocolate and have a cup of tea each. She goes to the clothing store and brings me a jacket and a jumper and a blanket.

Then I am off back to the coach station to leave plenty of time to sort my bags out and get the coach.

I pick what I think is a quiet corner of the coach and hope to get some snooze as it is dark now, but unfortunately at the last minute a woman comes onto the coach shouting into her phone and sits opposite me facing me instead of sitting in her seat properly, this is really uncomfortable and I ask her to be a bit more considerate but she ignores me, I aska again and she shouts into the phone that someone has a problem with her and is being rude, she starts shouting at me about headache pills and I tell her that pills won't help much if she keeps the noise up, she proudly shouts that she is talking to her 'Partner', nothing to be proud of, I moove seats but her voice is sharp and high and is still screeching through my head as she continues to shout into her phone. I hate public transport and inconsiderate people and being unable to cope with any of it.

Anyway, the coach gets there in the end, I struggle off the coach and up the road with my bags, the church is having a prayer meeting and I creep in, they make me a cup of tea afterwards, and they ask what has been happening, I tell them about the house share and getting assaulted by the guy who thought he could make a citizens arrest and things. They say they will pray for me.
I feel awful, the coach trips, London, the stressful people, the aching scalp from having had such a haircut, I am tired and headachy, the church people offer to give me a lift to the McD's that is open late that I didn't know about, they also give me some money towards my supper, which I didn't ask for and tried to refuse, very kind of them.
I get a meal and take painkillers with it and feel better, and then I go round the carpark collecting stickers from empty cups lying about.

Then it is time to go back to the town to sleep, I have my sleeping place here, I am just worried about being warm enough, and rightly, it is a cold night and I only have a few coverings, I get cardboard, and a few old cushions out of the charity shop bins, and I bed down. It is hard to stay warm after having had such a snug bed recently, and my arm and finger hurt, I keep trying to roll onto my side and the covers keep wandering off, I doze and dream of my friends at the mission I have left behind. I feel sad.
In the early morning, still cold, I rearrange my blankets as the temperature rises, and I end up warm and sleepy, this makes it hard to get up in the morning, but as usual I have to or I will be found.
I gather my too numerous things together and hide what I can. I go round the corner to where my old stashpack was with a spare sleeping bag and some food. It is still there, but the contents are strewn everywhere, the sleeping bag is wet and moldy, unopened tins and packets of soup are lying about, no one has taken anything but judging by the beer cans, they just thought it was funny to throw things everywhere when they were drunk.

I go to McD's and get a cuppa with my stickers. Nothing new under the sun.
I have a quick wash in the toilets, I am hoping to get a shower later, there are no homeless facilities in this town but I know who has a shower that I can borrow.

I have some breakfast, but that is my money running low now.

I go in the library and go on the computers, the computers and time limits here are not so good, so I am hoping very much that my laptop will repair itself as it is trying to.

I am thankful that with my last giro I stocked up on instant coffee sachets and hexamine tablets so I will be able to make hot drinks if necessary and in the evening, and there is that tin and packet soup scattered near my old stashpack.

I have to wait till this afternoon before I can get my shower, so I will wait for my laptop to do something, and then I will go litterpicking, there are some people in this town who deserve the phantom litterpicker raiding their lawns and bushes.  :)

I am running out of computer time now, it is very limited here.

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