I am going to get some of the little packets of coffee that I use when I use my stove, they are 10 for £1, they are three in one - milk, sugar and coffee, which is better than trying to carry milk and sugar around with me. It's a pity that a decent three in one tea can't be invented, but never mind, life can't be perfect. I am also going to look in the pound shop for a balaclava, it is balaclava time of year again.
Questions about the story so far, 17-30?
- what are my emotions on the story so far, bitterness, anger, sadness etc?
- Do I have an element of mental illness that makes these situations so bad?
- If I could turn back time, what would I have done differently?
If I could change anything, I would have walked away the hypochondriacs, Janet and Frank, Greg and Alice, and somehow made more safe friends like Annie and Poppy and Victoria and my friends in Hometown. What more can I say? I would still have problems in socialising and keeping myself safe.
If I could turn back time and know i could do things differently then I wouldn't bother to get angry or upset, somehow I would control my emotions and walk away. Then at least no-one except me would get hurt.
- What was the worst part of this 17+ story?
- Do I feel 'to blame'?
- what do I do that is so terrible?
The real terrible thing I do is my reactions, angry, scared, dissociative, running away, trying to leave people behind. I am ashamed of my reactions and I sought help and in recent months since the church once again made a concerted effort to destroy me, I sought help with more determination, trying to get a referral to the Maudsley's trauma unit. I remain without help, but I am very isolated now and calmer in defeat, except when the inevitable street brutality and cruelty gets to me, as it did the other night with that thug grabbing me, and when social services or any other outreach services decide that they know what is best for me without consulting me.
If you would like to ask me any questions, feel free to leave messages in the comments areas.