Friday

Good evening peeps,

I am tired, aching, and quite depressed. I have taken some 5HTP.

The church of england and Jersey are both screaming, shut up you fatherless morons, the more of it you do, the harder it will come back on you. As I have often said, I will be Sampson bringing the pillars down.

Anyway, snapping out of that, which the church will call insanity of course, as if they don't realise their own insanity, what kind of organization repeatedly nearly kills a vulnerable adult and calls it safeguarding?

This morning I woke trapped in flashbacks and nightmares, it all blurs in half-sleep and is very extreme.
I struggled to get up and walk after last night's back care session, but my neck wasn't too bad as I did extensive management of it last night, was the gap in my spine that was complaining, and of course I was scared of the break slipping with all that stuff last night. But it got a bit better as the day went on, it has been my neck and shoulders aching more this afternoon and evening.

This morning I was a slow and reluctant snail, I was in my office in the lounge at 8.15am, and the first news was that I had passed initial selection exams for a company in America. Their exams are hard, and they wanted me to take the second and last round. So for a few hours I struggled with those, I doubt that I passed. I was alright with spelling and grammar, and even discussing online advertising to a certain extent, but it was the last bit, writing adverts, that was very hard. I don't think I will be selected as a writer for them, but it is all good experience.

After that I got on with the assignment that was due in, and it went in.
I went down to the sea and it was a wild sea in the wind, and it is bitter cold.
Then I went to collect letters and parcels and get what food I could. A loaf of bread.

No other work is in for my grade at the moment. I have been wrestling with other projects and making very little headway and feeling very low.
A new garden came in this afternoon, I will assess it tomorrow. I will also do some work at the care home, as, although I have paid the rent and bills, I am short of money. I am still optimistic that things will level out, and certainly doing better now, but still not balancing as well as I would like, and the fact that the new gardens are currently fortnightly on the same week leaves me short for the next week. I think this garden tomorrow may help, and an hour or so at the care home, tidying up, so they don't think I am taking the pee, it will mean I can get food, and I can pop into the welfare while I am over there and see if there is any bread or vegetables.

I am sure more assignments will come in as well. Patience and Faith is what I need, not my strong points.