Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Thursday, 1 December 2011

Yesterday was a different day, not easy, no library, and I was feeling down and lost anyway, I think a combination of a night indoors with nightmares, and being on lethal antibiotics and lethal painkillers made me feel low.

I went to the mission and spent time there with grandad and people, but it was too hot and claustrophobic in there.
I had a few brief visits to the internet cafe.

I went looking for the 'wee church' that Scotty used to shelter behind, but if I found the right wee church, it was too exposed for a female rough sleeper to sleep there. They were preparing for a midweek service in the wee church so I went in and asked them to pray that I would be sheltered from the rain, they kindly made me a cup of tea and invited me to stay and said they would pray for me, I didn't stay for the service in the end, I listened to them singing in tongues and knew I would be too freaked out to stay, so I slipped out and wandered off, I had quite a walk and a wander, exploring part of town that I didn't know. And for some reason I went in a toystore that was opened late, I had a wander round and remembered my lonely teenage years when I tried to make up for my lack of childhood and normality by taking myself to the toystore with my paper round wages and buying modle kits and interesting educational toys.

Then I went to the Samaritans. It was good, I got to speak to a very easy to talk to Samaritan, so that helped.
Then I went to soup kitchen. Soup kitchen turned out to be the best ever soup kitchen, as soon as I arrived I was offered a bowl of tasty curry, there were plenty of sandwiches as well and plenty of tea, I didn't have to ask for anything, it was all handed to me, I was given chocolate and cake bars and toothbrushes and tissues and a small duvet and a blanket and a coat and a scarf, I was really well looked after and they were so nice, I told them they should do soup kitchen every day, they said they will be back next week, one of them even gave me a hug and a kiss. I was with one of my big issue friends most of the time, and he handed me any chocolate that they gave him and helped to pack my blanket and duvet into a bag as he gave me an account of how he got hypothermia sleeping in a windy alley with no bedding one night.

After soup kitchen I walked with the big issue seller back to his bike, we sat on the bench and chatted about the midlands, he is from the midlands and as you know, I have origins there as well. He also told me about how he and his friend recently robbed a shop three times over without getting caught because they were bored and wanted alcohol, impressive and not impressive.
As we were talking a happy drunk man came along and asked us where the happy pubs were in town, he said it was his Birthday yesterday and he wanted to wish everyone a merry christmas, he staggered on his merry way, and Big Issue started telling me how he wanted a to leave a legacy when he died, how he wanted to do more and be more, he does get very philosophical sometimes, in the end it was nearly 11pm and the medicines make me so tired so I told him I had to go, he asked if he was boring me, and I said no and explained about the medicine, he hugged me and we parted company.

I went back to my sleeping place, I now have an embarrasing total of three big bin bags full of bedding. I decided to use the new soft little duvet instead of my wool blanket tonight, I don't unpack all of my bedding as it is not cold and if it rains on me tonight then I will take all the wrapped up bedding with me and shelter in the church porch and that way I will be able to stay warm and dry still.

I tuck down but I only sleep lightly, I keep needing the loo. I wake in the early hours as it starts to rain, but I am too sleepy to move and it can have only rained for a minute or two, I wake up again later and it is dry and cold, I need the loo but I am too sleepy, I doze and dream of my brother and sister who I miss.

I wake early, it has remained dry since that little rain shower, and it is cold with spectacular dark clouds overhead, I get up, bursting for the loo, and as it is still dark, I go to the loo nearby, I pack up my bedding and head for the market.

Market time, tea hour, nothing much to say about that, it is about tea and gossip, then it is wash time, then library time, all back to normal, only I have two days of blogging to fit into today as well as three distractions that will take me away from my blog - 1) The girl who I did the pub quiz with wants to meet me at lunchtime so we can eat lunch in the park and presumably talk, 2) I must go and reclaim my trousers, the lady at the mission has taken them to wash and put me in some jeans that are too short and look silly, 3) I am meeting with someone from a charity in order to try and sort my benefits problems out, I am not looking forward to it.

Yesterday someone kindly sent me some complimentary train tickets, sadly they don't cover a journey that I really want to make, my younger brother who I get on well with is having a Birthday Party on Saturday, and I really wanted to go, but I can't get there, can't afford it and I don't want to hitch hike.

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