Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Saturday, 31 December 2011

Good morning blog, last night was an endurance test.

I went to the Samaritans and saw a samaritan who I have seen before, he got me a cup of tea and we had a good natter. I kept trying to phone P. but he isn't responding to phone or texts, I hope he is ok, he probably is, he is probably in someone else's den enjoying a smoke and a drink and left his phone at his place.

I went to soup kitchen but it wasn't great, there were just two men running soup kitchen and they weren't very pleasent and they let that awful arrogant reeking homeless man help them serve, I couldn't face eating anything he had touched because he doesn't wash, and I know that he shouldn't be allowed to help. So I ended up with no food for the next day, just a swift cup of tea and a sandwich.

Then I had the problem of the weather, the only solution was the porch, and I was ok with that really, but when I went to the alleyway to get my bedding I realised someone had been there, and there were lights on in the building next to the alleyway, which there never are, I know they don't like rough sleepers and bedding being there and so I am worried, I sneak in, grab a sleeping bag and escape, but I grabbed the wrong bag, I got the lightweight sleeping bag, which won't be very warm.

I tried to tuck down in the porch but even with a marvellous warm handwarmer as a hot water bottle and layers of clothing I will not be warm enough, so I decide to do a military raid on the alleyway and get my bedding if it is still there and before it is too late.

I risk leaving my backpack and lightweight sleeping bag in the porch, it is the only time I have left my backpack like this but it bumps against the railings in the alleyway and makes a noise and I need to keep quiet and move fast.
I get to the alleyway and the lights are still on, I creep along the concrete and reach out and grab bedding and tip it over the wall behind me into the car park beyond, I manage to get all the bedding out this way in minutes and then I quickly get myself out and start organizing the bedding to move it back to the shrub. I am breathless and thirsty but I get all the bedding moved, the rain is easing up, and back at the shrub I sort the bedding out and drink from the water canister and take an inhaler. I bag up one lot of bedding to take with me to the porch, and I head there to tuck down.

I have to be careful and stay in the corner of the porch and make sure all the dark coloured bedding is on top so I am less likely to be seen in the shadows, but I end up warm and comfortable as the rain picks up again. It is now 1am, which is very late for me, but at least I will sleep now. My worry here is that it is a weekend night and I am near a pub and really too easy to find by a wandering drunk. But so far in my sleeps here I have been ok.

I sleep and dream the strangest of dreams, I am in some sort of institution, hospital, college, police station prison or somewhere, and I sit on the floor of a corridor, playing with the socket switches, a man comes in, official looking, police, security, ambulance, tutor? He tells me sternly not to mess with things and play with things and then he reaches out and switches on a toy helicopter that lights up and it's blades start whirring, it looks fascinating and of course I want to play with it. (this isn't a sexual dream, I love to play with toys and investigate things and I do play with socket switches when I am nervous like when I was taken to hospital or in prison), the dream continues, I am in a college, we are off on a field trip, there is a blind couple among us with a guide dog, their dog has a puppy as we go on this trip but the puppy is already half-grown and can  stand on it's own two feet, we are obviously at an agricultural show, and I go to get some information about fodder crops for an assignment but I end up writing instead and I write about how I feared I was a schitzophrenic because of my obsession with toys and my odd behaviour and the church trying to force mental illness on me. That was the end of the dream, then I had a short terror dream about being found, I woke briefly and went to the toilet, 5.15am, I don't want to get up yet if I don't have to.

The alarm goes off at 5.45 but forgets to repeat, I doze about until it is starting to get light, I worry I will be seen but no-one is out at this time on a Saturday morning.
I bag up my bedding and head for the shrub.
I sit on the step by the shrub and light my hexamine burner, I brew coffee and fish the tub of fruit and nuts and chocolate out of the shrub and eat the remaining fruit and nuts and some chocolate, have you ever had ferrero rocher for breakfast? I drink coffee and brew more as I sit there in a blanket, the hand warmer from last night is still hot and is in my scarf keeping my neck toasty, it is actually still warm now as I write, they are excellent value for money and it kept my neck warm all nigh, they generate a tremendous heat when wrapped in bedding material or a scarf.
I pack up and put all my bedding away in the shrub, I am lucky to have two heavy duty sacks for the bedding, though the rats have already had a chew at them.
I head into town, it has got light now and time has passed quickly, I go and have a wash in the posh toilets and then it is library time already.
Today is going to be thin unless I find the saturday outreach, I am running low on hexamine tablets again and I have only one sticker for McD's and I feel tired when i think of going looking for more.

This is what I use for cooking http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hexamine_fuel_tablet

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