This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Wednesday, 28 March 2018

A Pastoral Letter to Justin Welby

This first link is from another victim, then the main post is my letter

To Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury regarding his continued use of abuse in the press and media.

 CC IICSA, SCIE, Bishops, Police, Victims Commissioner, the BBC and others. 26/03/2018

Dear Justin Welby,

First and foremost, you need to read all of this letter because it contains an initial warning of legal action against you, and your powerful and Godless lawyers won't be able to stop or prevent this as you are evidenced in the press and media to be knowingly breaking the law, causing harm and danger to the vulnerable, and aiding and upholding others in doing the same. Some say your PR stunts to do with abuse occur when you are contacted about my case and others and reminded of your criminal negligence and cover-ups.

Enough is enough. Enough was enough years ago when you publicly destroyed a vulnerable adult with the help of the unquestioning and complicit press and media in order to cover up the church's wrongdoings at the expense of the victim's life. To put out a pastoral letter that appears to jeer at victims giving evidence to the IICSA, after the IICSA have been asked to stop you from using abuse as a PR campaign during their inquiry, is the ultimate contempt, and again reinforces the image that you feel that the IICSA will protect you and your church as well as your callous disregard for victims' feelings. From the IICSA's part, they are allowing the image that you are going to go on being an unregulated and abusive organization, as they don't appear to have effectively restrained you.

Let me just scenario that. Imagine that you are a victim. You are struggling with life because you have been raped or buggered by clergy and laity in the church, and as a result you cannot have faith in God. You are going through a tough time as you finally hope to see justice through giving evidence to the IICSA. And you then see the organization who have not only abused you but treated you appallingly when you have asked them for justice, using the press and media for limelight over their 'prayers' for you. You will be disgusted.

As every victim knows, prayers from their abusers and the organization which abused them, doesn't un-abuse them, doesn't un-rape or un-bugger them, doesn't in fact make any difference, as I can assure you myself. Do you know what your prayers look like to an abuse victim? They look like you and your church live in another world, where you have no understanding whatsoever of the impact of your continued psychopathic lack of understanding of abuse and safeguarding.

You and yours 'prayed' for me publicly as you acted in great evil to destroy and nearly kill me. Believe me your prayers are an abomination, and if God exists, He will spit on you before sending you to hell, all you have achieved is cutting me off from God and leaving me suffering living death and unremitting anguish, day and night, so tell me, does God not hear your prayers? Or are your prayers just a worthless show from a bunch of dangerous over-powerful hypocrites? As I am sure you know, some church victims endured clergy saying prayers before or after they raped them.

What about my prayers for justice and for your silencing and removal, and for the same for those named below? Does God hear me? Does He hear me as I go on and on asking for you to be silent and be removed, and for the church to be held to account for their evil in my case? While I suffer and you and those involved aren't held to account, I see prayers as useless and your use of prayers that was as re-abuse.

As a victim, seeing this continued and relentless showing off at victims' expense while continuing to refuse to act upon abuse and wrongdoing you will feel that not only are the church confident of influencing the IICSA in making sure the church are seen in a good light over their abuse, but that they are jeering. Jeering that no matter how much the church are asked to stop using abuse as a PR stunt, no matter how much the church are told that while they don't safeguard and while they treat victims badly, they shouldn't be boasting, they intend to ignore the pleas of victims and requests to the IICSA for the boasting to stop, the Church of England intend to go on being callous and cruel and jeering and using abuse and victims to boast and glorify themselves.

Certainly the IICSA's behaviour in my case, in enabling the church to leave me homeless with the help of the police in the horrific Amberstone attack which left me homeless to this day, taking my new identity and community and ruining me, does cast doubts on the IICSA's investigation of church abuse. The IICSA didn't show neutrality or impartiality in subjecting me to that additional damage after your attempt on my life by destroying me publicly.

Your behaviour is so crass and callous, especially as I and other victims have asked you repeatedly to stop behaving like this, to stop using abuse to glorify yourself and show your contempt for victims.
I am the victim who you personally left for dead and left suffering unremitting and unbearable anguish. And each time you and Peter Hancock use abuse as a boast or a PR stunt as you do, you destroy me again, and you leave me unable to earn my hand-to-mouth living, so you leave me without food. You and Peter Hancock uphold the wrongdoers in my case, and thus you should both have resigned by now, neither of you are in a position to use safeguarding or abuse as a boast. Neither of you have the courage to contact me about my complaints, so safeguarding or even human decency are two things you don't understand.

Most people would have committed suicide over your and Bishop Tim Dakin's shocking and disgraceful launch of my case into the press with my side unrecorded and unheard, and three years use of my case in the press to destroy and discredit me while glorifying the church and making the matter to be about safeguarding while ignoring me and my anguish and the damage I suffered as a result of the public hate you triggered, the beatings and rapes I suffered as a result of you making me into a figure of public hatred are unhealable.

Three years of clergy and laity openly behaving like animals and certainly not Christians, to destroy a vulnerable adult publicly without any relief or mercy. Three years in which many many members of the church behaved in ways that would leave them without jobs if they were working for any decent organization. The Church of England is neither decent nor Christian, and is running on falsehoods and abusing power that it shouldn't have. The Church of England has proven what a danger it is to the public and the vulnerable while it is unregulated and above the law. And your massive use of abuse as PR while nothing has improved in safeguarding and you have been part of a massive safeguarding failure that nearly killed and has left destroyed, a vulnerable adult who was abused by serial abusers in your church.
If it was about safeguarding, why did you launch the matter into the press so that I was attacked and threatened and still am being, and am living as a fugitive? If it was about safeguarding, why did I have to take Bishop Tim Dakin to court to stop him from killing me with attacks on my character, and if it was about safeguarding, why is Tim Dakin still in his position after I took him to court?

If it was about safeguarding, why did you allow four whitewash reports by conflicted individuals and bodies to continue and be used to destroy me? Why did you fail to answer any of my concerns at any time, and only meet with the power and criminally behaved dignitaries involved in the public destruction of me? Why are you still insulting abuse victims after behaving like this? You still do not have effective safeguarding, and you still treat victims appallingly, I can only assume from your continued psychopathic and callous behaviour in using victims for PR, that you are mentally ill and in need of retiring from your position to seek help before you do any more harm.

You and your safeguarding team, or so called, and Bishops and staff, have behaved appallingly, and some of them should not still be in their positions. You have received numerous complaints and will continue to do so, as you continue to ignore the complaints.

Take the time to act upon the complaints made rather than showing how you can abuse the press and media on silly, badly produced articles and 'pastoral letters' created to glorify you and your dangerous corporation. And get some advice on what a pastoral letter is, a pastoral letter isn't supposed to be a PR stunt or a way of misleading people, do you remember Tim Dakin using his pastoral letter to lie about my case and mislead clergy at my expense?

Why is Tim Dakin still in office? He was happy to kill me to cover up his wrongdoing, he is the evidence that you don't, won't and can't safeguard and have no regard for the lives or welfare of victims. You and he have never responded to my concerns and you allowed conflicted hate attacks on me and called them reports, and have not recorded or investigated my case, so how can you either safeguard or care about abuse victims? You took the side of, and publicly upheld the wrongdoers in my case, without meeting me or communicating with me.

Remember, nothing has been done about the million pound Jersey and Winchester whitewash that was used to cover up for the church and destroy me, and there has been no recording of what has happened to me, what I have experienced, and thus nothing has been done about the wrongdoing of those involved.

Do you recall you and Peter Hancock publicly upholding the Key wrongdoers in my case, and telling the world through the press and media that those people were to work for you in evangelical positions, that needs to be investigated, and until it has been, indeed until the whole adult lifetime of the church abusing me, especially your three year public discrediting of me and criminal actions and conflicted whitewash of my case has been investigated, you are in no position to go on and on callously and psychopathically boasting, not that victims will ever want to be shocked by your lies about caring and safeguarding. But save the boasting until your personally led million pound public attempt on the life of a vulnerable adult, leaving her living dead and without justice, a voice or any closure, has been investigated by an independent (look it up!) review.

Make sure the following people are investigated independently over my case, and this is an exhaustive list: Yourself, Peter Hancock, Paul Butler, John Sentamu, Daphne Green, the Diocese of York, Paul Butler and the Diocese of Durham, the Jersey and Guernsey, Winchester, Andover and Romsey Deaneries, Tim Dakin, Jackie Rowlands, John Gladwin, Christine Daly, Trevor Willmott, Sheila Rooke, Elaine Rose, Graham Tilby, Jane Dodds, Moira Murray, Caroline Venables.

In addition, you are responsible for making sure the criminal and dangerous behaviour of the press and media, States of Jersey, Jersey Safeguarding Partnership, Jersey's judiciary, and police, and all complicit authorities and all that failed to act, are investigated. The whole matter is your responsibility, and for two years since you and Tim Dakin attempted on my life, you have ignored my letters and emails, put the phone down on me, and instructed your clergy, laity, safeguarding team and anyone connected to the church, to do the same. Make sure the Church Times spreading of hatred and lies about me is made particularly prominent in the investigation.

Remember, this is an exhaustive list, and this is going to be a big investigation, but you had a million pounds in spare change to throw away on having me publicly destroyed and killed, you had a million pounds to allow a lot of conflicted people to break the law, illegally access records, publicly destroy a vulnerable adult, and act in criminal and harmful ways, you had a million pounds to leave me living as a terrified fugitive with no access to medical help or the protection, support or justice that the police, social services, justice and other agencies should offer, because you and your church destroyed and defamed me. So you must have the ten  million or so to investigate my case in its entirety, including your own massive criminal abuse of power and cowardice in failing to answer me and my requests for justice. Make sure the investigation is begun as soon as possible, make sure someone who knows what independent means contacts me about who the investigators are to be, and make sure that this time, my side of things is given priority as the million pound whitewash covers the lies and hatred of the wrongdoers and conflicted authorities already but doesn't include me.

Now, as I said at the beginning, as you appear to intend to go on re-abusing me and other victims with impunity and ignoring requests for you to stop, and as the police continue to be complicit and refuse to act upon the criminal behaviour of you and your clergy and laity, I will tell you as I told Tim Dakin and he ignored it at great cost to himself, if the police won't stop you or bring you to justice, I will take you to court. Remember how Tim Dakin was so embarrassed to be taken to court that when you and he publicly destroyed me in 2016, he failed to tell the general public about that through the press, and instead tried to claim that he was feeding the illegal criminal whitewash Steel report into the whitewash Gladwin report, without either meeting with me or giving me a copy of the Steel report.

It is absolutely unthinkable that in this day and age you have, or think you have, got away with the million pound whitewash and left me living as a destroyed fugitive, and your arrogance and psychopathy not only in thinking that this will be covered up, but to go on boasting about abuse and glorifying yourself, is appalling, unthinkable, only a Godless and unregulated organization like the church could do that, and you remember when you used George Carey as a PR stunt in asking him to step down when you exactly the same to me in my case as he did to the Peter Ball victims?

All I can say is, one more boast from you and I will file, and you may control the press and media to the extent that you were able to publicly destroy me unquestioned, but you will go down in history for your criminal behaviour in my case. And remember, Tim Dakin thought I was bluffing until he ended up in court with a lawyer who lied desperately and then dropped dead. What a terrible shameful position you and Tim Dakin and your colleagues are in, to be using the Lord's Name in vain while you don't know Him and are invalidating any person you give communion to, and marriage you preside over, any service you preside over, because you were willing to KILL a vulnerable adult and lie about it, for the sake of the church's image.

Every day that I suffer, you and your church and faith are invalid and God, if He exists, will be furious. Stop boasting and hiding, your victim and the injustice is not going away through your blocking her and her calls, letters and emails, your victim isn't going away while your safeguarding team invalidate themselves by doing the same.

 Sincerely, the destroyed and dying victim of the million pound Jersey and Winchester Whitewash and demonstration that the Church of England are a dangerous, nasty and needless burden on society.


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