It is raining and howling, the sea and sky and hills and town are just grey.
I hoped to sleep better after having Airplane! on DVD up to bed time, I hoped I felt safer, but although I slept slightly better, I still had nightmares.
But I had nightmares about the church's police, the ones who attacked my home the other year. I dreamed they got me and were trying to have me put away as mad. I was so angry and scared.
The problem is, I woke up no less angry or scared, because it is a reality that the police keep acting for the church and keep making me out to be mad.
I reminded the police of my complaint this morning, but they will ignore me, they always do. My initial complaint to them after the seige of my home the other year simply led to repeat attacks and jeers.
This is what I sent to the police, from my book 'Fugitive' which I am working on.
Fugitive, hated, unwanted, you wake from nightmares again, and there is no comfort, nowhere to turn for help, and your thoughts are like wounds.
Waking from nightmares there is no-one there, everyone who used to be there was taken or has gone.
Condemned without a voice to answer the condemnation, as if there can only be one side of things, the condemnation.
In the nightmares they say that you are mad, try to put you away, so that their wrongdoing never comes to light, you are branded, for life.
When you wake, there is no comfort, because there is no safety.
Every day I chatter aimlessly about what I am doing, but the reality of my life is that paragraph from Fugitive.
I can't do much in this bad weather and I don't even feel like writing, I will do my best to write, and I will do an evening shift tonight.
Please excuse the daft stories on this blog and the other yesterday, it cheered me up.