This is a mean interview, I object.
1. What is your first memory of the sea?
The Solent, Southampton Water and Portsmouth Harbour when my family were in that area when I was a child.We loved to watch the big ships and play on the shipwrecks.
2. Do you remember the Columbo episode on a ship when he got “ship” and “boat” mixed up. Do you know the difference?
We recently learned about this in maritime archeology and to be honest I think there is a little bit of fluidity in classification, or I simply can't remember how to classify boats and ships.
3. What was the first boat you went on?
Does Condor Ferries count as boat or ship? :) No, I am not sure, we used to build rafts when I was little, but the first real boat I remember going on was a trip round Southampton Water on a little boat for disabled people, it wasn't much fun because one of the crew kept leaning over me to chat up my carer and I was panicking and I told her so and the crew member wasn't very nice about it.
4. What was the first ship you went on?
Again, does Condor count? actually I had been on other ferries before Condor, my best ship was the tall ship. I also went on the Clipper, which was another of my favourites.
5. Do you know which side is starboard and which is port?
Starboard is right and Port is left, you know I was a sailor so you know I know that.
6. Which ships have you sailed to and from Jersey by? Which did you like the best?
I have been on all the Condor Fast Ferries, and the Clipper.
7. What was the longest sea journey you have been on? And the shortest?
Between the UK and the Channel Islands probably the longest, I don't know about the shortest, probably skimming boats round the bays in Jersey.
8. 20,000 leagues under the sea time! Have you ever been on a submarine? Would you like to?
No and No, I would completely freak out on a submarine, even the thought of it makes me scared.
9. Do you know any sea songs or hymns? Polite or otherwise...!
Lots! I used to love it when the French boats were in St. Aubin's harbour because the French Sailors used to sing and play the accordions.
There is one sea song that I rewote about Jersey but I won't name it here, and of course there is the hymn 'Will your anchor hold' that we used to mock Tim Dakin in that series of Polo cartoons about Dakin drowning in his crypt.
There are a number sea hymns and they remind me of Jersey.
10. Do you ever get seasick?
Not normally, in really bad condor crossings I used to stand out on deck and revel in the storm while everyone was being sick inside. I got seasick once on the way to France but I hadn't had breakfast.
11. What is the roughest sea crossing you have been on?
A few awesome ones where the boat nearly didn't go, and had to miss Guernsey, ooh, wild! The crossing was enhanced by the lack of donkeys as well.
12. If you could sail on any boat, past or present, fiction or real, which would it be?
There's a boat, but I can't say it's name, when I was being beaten and locked up for Jane Fisher, all I could do was think about that boat and pretend I was there sailing it.