This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Wednesday, 23 December 2015

Wednesday morning

Good morning,

Well yesterday when I went to have a little snooze, I slept from 10am to 2pm, I was so tired!

After that I just sorted out the laundry I had collected and did this and that, and did a fish and rice meal.

Then it was time for work.
I had a frustrating evening at work, with the wind trying to steal anything it could as I worked.
And I ended up on the list for the New Years Party as well :) Harhar, I don't like parties.

I came home tired and slept.
I dreamed a lot, the flashbacks continue to roll, even when I sleep.

But one of the dreams was almost funny, in a sad way: I dreamed that my adoptive Mother got a spaniel puppy and said she didn't need me any more as a result. So I said that I would go back to live in Jersey full time in that case, and she replied that the police were going to deport me to Jersey anyway.
I woke up and it was 3.15am and I was very relieved to wake, I guess that dream would be funny if it wasn't so painful, but it distressed me for the rest of the night as I tried to sleep.. You know how things are magnified at night?
I am so going to text that dream to Mum this morning and make her laugh.

The wind howled fiercely against the house in the night, but it was quieter this morning.

Anyway, I did the papers this morning, and collected a dashboard of cards, tips and bills, I think most of my customers have now offered something. The sky was clear and starry in the dark, with a glow on the horizon against the sea and the hills.

Then I went to the shop to offer the sad news of my intention to quit. And it does feel sad. None of us want that but it may be what is best now.
The dark early mornings in the silent villages are nearly over, because after tomorrow, there are no early early mornings, it will be getting light by the time I go anywhere now, because I have two days off and then the mornings are later through into the new year. And then I will be doing this local round with no pressure to be there at 6.30 and get to the rural distributor for 6.50, this local round is 5 minutes away and can be done by bike. Just like the good old days :) The blue bike will be pleased.

I sat by the sea and watched the big fluffy waves roll to the wall, I had forgotten my gym clothes so I didn't go to the gym, I will go later as I have to start stepping up my exercise for the next level now.

The sun is shining on a cool but clear day, very nice.

I have a free day to panic over what I may have forgotten for Christmas. I will be going over to my disabled friend later to either write a shopping list with him or take him shopping. This is because he and I are having a day together during the Christmas week. We don't know what day yet as I am working most days and he prefers a day when I am not going to rush off to work in the afternoon.
He is quite isolated, he says he doesn't mind about Christmas, but it would be nice to have some company as his carers are away over Christmas and he employs privately rather than being provided for by the council through and agency.

I am sure it will all be fine. We will watch tv, talk a lot, maybe have a walk with the dogs, and eat things.

The sun is glowing over the houses but I think I will put Nativity3 on now, I have never seen that one.

And I must put the curtains up :) I hate that.

Well, tomorrow is the big Eve, and locally we have a fete and street party thing and of course I am going to be down there with my Santa Hat on, if the weather allows, because as yet it is looking like heavy rain and galeforce winds.


  1. I would like to wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. It does seem that life is better for you and I hope it continues. I am sorry to read that your friend is so ill.

  2. Thanks Emma, I have missed you. I saw you land on the blog while I was writing the prayers, which are now up.

  3. Happy Christmas and Merry New year to you as well!