Looking back at 2015 part 1. January - June

Well, let me reluctantly trot out highlights or lowlights of the year. This year has been a year of tremendous change for me, and also a year of terrible destructive trauma as a result of the Church of England and their press and media.

January. 

 
 Well Januaries are bleak, January 2015 was very bleak.

In January I was ill in a freezing cold house with no hot water or heating, I was very ill with chest infections, while a drunk antisocial person illegally moved themselves into the house without the landlord's consent while he was away, and I was threatened. I had no money and was ill and had just moved from another terrible lodging house that I had moved to in a hurry when my lovely flat was condemned (not this flat, the other one).

So, no money, ill and in an unstable situation, could it get worse? Well yes, the Deanery of Jersey decided they wanted their whitewash report released and decided to attack in the press and media again, leaving me destroyed and devastated all over again.

And apparently their reasoning was that 'The Dean wanted to see their carefully engineered report before his friend the Leiutenant-Governor sent him off on holiday to America for three months at tax-payers expense. He can't send him to the UK because as soon as the Dean resides in the UK he will be taken to court, but that is by the by. The attack woke me from my stupor to produce several Open Letters:

 http://www.opnlttr.com/letter/jane-fisher-safeguarding-director-winchester-diocese

 http://www.opnlttr.com/letter/open-letter-very-reverend-bob-key-dean-jersey

Another reason for the Jersey Deanry's renewed attack was that Michael Birt, one of the Town Church Clique and also the retiring bailiff in January, abused his power without stating his place in the church, to demand the release of the conflicted report done by his colleague, Dame Heather Steel.


Just reading through last January, I actually went to Winchester and served...presumably the 'Resign' letter on Bishop Dakin? Although it wasn't published on Open Letter until February 21st: http://www.opnlttr.com/letter/letter-jane-fisher-and-bishop-tim-dakin

During January 2015, I had decided that due to the horrendous poverty that meant I couldn't afford Christmas or a haircut or shoes, and which kept me in bad accommodation where I was abused and at risk, one step from rough sleeping all the time, it was time for me to return to work.
I was also, despite the circumstances, making some sort of a partial recovery from the severe trauma that  had meant I was unemployable.
Unfortunately my return to work was delayed and disrupted by the DWP/Jobcentre's refusal to support me or respond to my need for supported phased return to work.
 However, having decided to see if I was fit for work, I immediately started working in a Charity shop, a job that I continued for some months. This started to boost my confidence and get me out of the unhealthy house, which I was housekeeping for men who did drugs and drank and really couldn't be bothered to think about other people.

You can actually tell how ill and in a mess I was if you look at January's blog.

However, in January I got a music keyboard, a good one, and started to regain my music dreams, although at the time I mentioned that regaining anything from Jersey or before can cause trauma and despair because of what was taken from me then and how regaining any of it feels useless.

My bike was sabotaged in January, which made me sad, that someone could deliberately hurt my bike and put my life in danger.

In January I was still attending 'Horse Therapy' but it was very institutional and autocratic, and we weren't even allowed to touch the horses most of the time, we were just used to carry out stable tasks, and it was not the true 'horse thereapy' to help with emotions that I had hoped for, so before long I quit.
Most of my other activities had been stalled at this point by crisis, illness and lack of money, so no gym, swim, health and fitness or social activities, and unfortunately I let this lapse continue even when things got better.

February:

Now preparing to further my preparation for return to work with volunteer gardening, I was doing well working for the charity shop, and planning to donate the proceeds of my next sponsored walk to them, having changed the walk from the traditional pre-Christmas to start on Easter Monday instead.

I was obviously distressed and dispairing at this point and life was grim, but I proceeded in trying to improve it.
Throughout January and February I was ill, depressed and also suffering constant chest infections in the cold unheated house with no hot water.
Then things changed for the better slightly.

I managed to get a room in a house share in the town where I felt 'at home' having been forced to leave by my old flat being condemned. My friend helped me to move house and my adoptive mum came over to help with the packing, it felt like a really dark time was over.

I started to feel better and more hopeful now, and saw this as a semi-long-term move until I could get another flat or bedsit.
I also started using saline and tonic to try to get over the exhausting chest infections, and eventually they did clear.

My new houseshare had a cat, who became a great companion and comfort to me, although he had a wicked and sudden temper and would lash out for no reason.

There was an earthquake in Winchester, which, after the floods, should have given Bishop Dakin a hint, but it didn't. He is rather lacking in hint-taking ability.

February was unremarkable apart from the move to a better place.

March:

March blew in, and life changed again.

I continued to work in the charity shop while continuing to progress back towards work.
I began work on the volunteer gardening team, this was to see if I could ever regain the strength and proficiency to be a gardener.
 To my surprise despite finding the work painful and exhausting I made good progress and was usually left to work alone on the grounds of this prestigious local attraction.

The Bishop of Winchester was politely requested to provide me with a donkey for Palm Sunday because I believed he and the Church would kill me this year, after all, I was 33 and had spent three years wandering homeless and taking potshots at the pharisees in the Church of England. Sadly the Bishop has been all lala ears since I took him to court, and he didn't want to play.

My eagerness to work led to me working on my Birthday when I had a migraine because I was on a work trial, it spolied my Birthday, especially as the job was not suitable, it was a sweat shop job where I was the only English person, it was a massive vegetable growing plant, but it was nothing to do with horticulture really, it was more to do with production, the conditions were bad, the heat was dreadful and the conditions, such as geting there for 7am, were simply not meetable in my case before I started driving again.

However, I was not put off from seeking work, especially I was having such a harsh time with the DWP and was in such poverty.
 So I attended a job interview, was shortlisted but didn't get the job, but considering where I was coming from, the fact I was shortlisted and had such a good interview.

As another wave of damage from the DWP came, I quit benefits because the stress was making me so ill, and I proceeded to register as self-employed, merriting me a double load of stress from the DWP and HMRC. What a nightmare! However, I had no choice but to persevere, now marginally fit for work and simply not able to go on living in a kind of poverty where I couldn't afford clothes or shoes or a haircut.

 My church attendance was tailing off now because the trauma of the Church of England just got too much.

That is about it for March.

April 

I kept the tradition of the Passover meal at the beginning of April.
Then I went through the motions of celebrating Easter.

On Easter Monday I started my annual sponsored walk. The weather was ideal, warm and sunny but sometimes windy, so I got wind burned.
The walk helped me mentally as I was alone in beautiful landscape, in the lovely sunshine. It was harsh physically as my physical state is pretty rubbish.
My friend dropped me off, collected me, brought refreshments and encouraged me each day, and it was the best sponsored walk I have ever done.

I had a bad Grand National and a Bad Oxford and Cambridge race this year :( even worse that my boss at the charity shop was an Oxford fan and he told me there was no doubt that they would win! 

I continued self-taught music theory and practice and had lessons when I could afford it. My practice exams were distinction level.

I was now picking up work, gardening and holiday cleaning changeovers. 
And of course I started the immortal paper rounds, biking round town with my sack of papers on my back in the early morning sunlight, heaven.

I was having an ongoing bad time with dental work from a bad dentist but at the time felt so grateful to get any treatment that I didn't complaint, as our district has very little NHS cover.

That was all for Ap

May: 

The General election went ahead with dissappointing results, the CofE pretty much swing it by telling their clergy and staff who to vote for in the church propaganda rag. (Church Times).

May was quiet but for constant tension and fear about the Church. I continued to build up my work.

Now that I had some money coming in, I started going to car boot sales again. This made me happy, the luxury of actually being able to get books and odds and ends for myself felt amazing, you have no idea what the grinding poverty of living on benefits is like unless you have experienced it! 

 June:

This month I started being sent 'interview questions' as members of the public had only been hearing the Church's side of my story. This was interesting and all interview questions and answers are up on the blogs still.

Elizabeth Hall, the famous uncoverup leader and protector of abusers in the Church of England made a swift and silent exit in the Church's new trend of removing female safeguarding officers and replacing them with men.

I started another course of physiotherapy to help with my legs. It was very nice and the physio helped.

I was now sea swimming every day again.

And as I had done with previous houses, I was doing all the housework and care of the place, which was too much for me.
I was also going through the complex inaccessible university and student loans applications, preparing, despite the risk from the church, to start university.

Then more Church rubbish hit, and left me very distressed.

I backed Golden Horn in the Derby, but to be honest, that was a given.

Then I went away for a working holiday. It was hard work, it had good and bad elements.

At this point some worry and effort went into safely restoring me to having a full driving licence, which I had been afraid would never happen. What happened to me was that I had been on a Jersey licence when I was dumped destitute on the street in 2010, and my licence was lost or stolen on the streets, leaving me unable to resolve it as you are not allowed to get a UK licence without a permenant address and the matter was so complex that it couldn't be resolved.
Thankfully the licence was resolved this year after a lot of paperwork, stress and worry.

I guess that is all for June. You have watched me rebuild so much of what was taken from me,  within the first six months of this year, and unaided.