Good evening,
Well I didn't sleep earlier, just rested and watched Buffy until the tiredness passed.
Eventually I biked down to the sea, the tide was out but the waves were huge and crashing, one crazy windsurfer was out, but the wind was so strong that I couldn't bike back along the front, the wind was blowing sand and debris everywhere.
I have been on my cooking and diet lessons, I have put a chicken stock on to simmer, chicken bones and vegetables etc :) and cut up the ingredients of a stew which I will do next.
Those who aren't keeping up, I have had to change what I eat because of my asthma and worsening metabolic illness, so I am doing a lot of freshly prepared, healthy and filling meals. And having an oven at last is really helping.
I guess I remember cooking meals for my family when I was young, that was just basic stew or meat, potato and veg or pasta and cheese or whatever, but it means I am not entirely new to this domestic stuff.
I think I will go down to the road end wall in a while, just because I love the sea and the wind, and I will have a bath.
Today was a several hug day, the lesser spotted landlady hugged me when we were talking about the possible consequences of the inspection, and I had a hug with an old friend who I haven't seen for months :) Sometimes my no physical contact rule has exceptions.
The other lovely thing about today was the little gift I got in the post :) As well as the food parcel I collected and the time spent with friends. And the lovely weather :)
Thursday, 9 October 2014
Thursday Afternoon
Good afternoon,
Well I went to collect my food parcel first thing, then came home, the lesser spotted landlady was just making sure the house was all smart for the inspection. My neighbour was asleep because she locked herself out last night.
The inspector arrived and I scooted off to cafe church.
I read all the newspapers at cafe church and then continued with my knitting.
I was clumsy and unco-ordinated with my knitting, and I started to feel ill, I had had tea with sugar but had forgotten my breakfast, so it may have been a hypo or just the fact I am ill, no remission, I was mistaken. It may also have been the heat in the hall, so I sat outside and had some kitkat and coffee and came back in, I managed a few neat rows of knitting before calling it off and leaving.
It was funny listening to the gang talking about the naughty things they did as children :)
I biked down the cliffs and the wind was tearing and the waves were crashing, I biked down to the road end wall and took pictures of the waves smashing over the cars and the road, until I got hit in the back by a wave, then I headed for the drop-in, and dripping and laughing, told them all about it.
I had my lunch there, I haven't done that for a while, but I was still having spells of feeling ill.
I came home, the inspection obviously finished earlier, and I am still feeling ill, so I will go to bed, I really will this time. Then I think I will do a stew later.
Well I went to collect my food parcel first thing, then came home, the lesser spotted landlady was just making sure the house was all smart for the inspection. My neighbour was asleep because she locked herself out last night.
The inspector arrived and I scooted off to cafe church.
I read all the newspapers at cafe church and then continued with my knitting.
I was clumsy and unco-ordinated with my knitting, and I started to feel ill, I had had tea with sugar but had forgotten my breakfast, so it may have been a hypo or just the fact I am ill, no remission, I was mistaken. It may also have been the heat in the hall, so I sat outside and had some kitkat and coffee and came back in, I managed a few neat rows of knitting before calling it off and leaving.
It was funny listening to the gang talking about the naughty things they did as children :)
I biked down the cliffs and the wind was tearing and the waves were crashing, I biked down to the road end wall and took pictures of the waves smashing over the cars and the road, until I got hit in the back by a wave, then I headed for the drop-in, and dripping and laughing, told them all about it.
I had my lunch there, I haven't done that for a while, but I was still having spells of feeling ill.
I came home, the inspection obviously finished earlier, and I am still feeling ill, so I will go to bed, I really will this time. Then I think I will do a stew later.
Thursday Morning
Good morning,
Well after a lot of work to try and unclench my muscles last night, I slept almost through the night, I woke briefly, started to become distressed and slipped back into sleep. I woke this morning with my muscles fairly relaxed and obviously I managed some deep sleep. So I think this is remission. Cautiously, because I still need painkillers and my head is spinning a bit, but I think that is because I got too warm and because I think I have had a virus as well as relapse.
The relapses are so much worse these days, I never used to be longing for remission, because I barely noticed relapse in the past.
Anyway, I am up, the flat is tidy and I need to walk down to get a food parcel and put it away before the council inspect us, then I have to head for cafe church and my knitting if I can get through the weather.
Well after a lot of work to try and unclench my muscles last night, I slept almost through the night, I woke briefly, started to become distressed and slipped back into sleep. I woke this morning with my muscles fairly relaxed and obviously I managed some deep sleep. So I think this is remission. Cautiously, because I still need painkillers and my head is spinning a bit, but I think that is because I got too warm and because I think I have had a virus as well as relapse.
The relapses are so much worse these days, I never used to be longing for remission, because I barely noticed relapse in the past.
Anyway, I am up, the flat is tidy and I need to walk down to get a food parcel and put it away before the council inspect us, then I have to head for cafe church and my knitting if I can get through the weather.
Wednesday, 8 October 2014
Wednesday Evening
Good evening,
I have been awake and cleaning my flat.
I also cooked some delicious chicken. I got the hang of this cooking thing.
I used some of the money given to me for essential groceries, and I will be getting a food parcel tomorrow, so my tummy is happy.
I am just trying to relax my muscles as I watch Buffy, I really want to sleep properly.
The wind is howling violently, there is debris and damage everywhere. Funny, it reminds me of Succoth in 1987, when our tent tried to take off :) not funny at the time.
Thankfully we have no big trees close to the house.
I have been awake and cleaning my flat.
I also cooked some delicious chicken. I got the hang of this cooking thing.
I used some of the money given to me for essential groceries, and I will be getting a food parcel tomorrow, so my tummy is happy.
I am just trying to relax my muscles as I watch Buffy, I really want to sleep properly.
The wind is howling violently, there is debris and damage everywhere. Funny, it reminds me of Succoth in 1987, when our tent tried to take off :) not funny at the time.
Thankfully we have no big trees close to the house.
Wednesday Afternoon
Good afternoon,
Well this morning I dozed off again, eventually I woke, had a bath and washed my hair, and headed for the drop in for a happy few hours of friendship, coffee and chores.
I was due to lunch club so at midday I headed off to bike along the bay to lunch club.
Wow! Yesterday the sea was throwing itself wildly over the road but you should have seen it today, it was one of the most stunning stormy seas I have seen here, wild! Even the locals and tourists were gazing and getting pictures and videos.
I decided to risk my bike ride because going round by road would take ages and is all hills and I am not full strength today, so I biked along the front, dodging the massive waves, I dodged every one, I got a bit of spray and a splash on the arm so I got off lightly as the waves were thowing themselves wildly over the track. Jersey readers, don't think St. Aubins in a storm, this is much worse, think St Ouens bay but with no room to escape because of cliffs one side and sea the other, awesome!
A few walkers were running and dodging the waves along the bay, and we were all laughing.
I reached the other side of the bay safe and sound, and huffed up the hill to my lunch.
I got in lunch club and nearly fainted from the heat in the room.
We had a good lunch, and afterwards I said I needed fresh air, even though they were going to take me shopping. So I went into the church, they came and found me and gave me money to get my own clothes, which was good of them, they and I knew it would be difficult for me to shop with them, but they got me to go back in the lunch club for Birthday cake as two people had Birthdays.
They are lovely but it is so hot in there.
Eventually I said goodbye and headed off, I went to the high street and perused the chattery shops, I found a pair of jeans, which is a good start, and eventually, tired and with my chest too tight, I came home for asthma meds and a rest.
The tide was ebbing as I came home and although the sea was spectacular, it was no longer breaking over the sea walls.
I am tired, so I may well sleep this time.
Well this morning I dozed off again, eventually I woke, had a bath and washed my hair, and headed for the drop in for a happy few hours of friendship, coffee and chores.
I was due to lunch club so at midday I headed off to bike along the bay to lunch club.
Wow! Yesterday the sea was throwing itself wildly over the road but you should have seen it today, it was one of the most stunning stormy seas I have seen here, wild! Even the locals and tourists were gazing and getting pictures and videos.
I decided to risk my bike ride because going round by road would take ages and is all hills and I am not full strength today, so I biked along the front, dodging the massive waves, I dodged every one, I got a bit of spray and a splash on the arm so I got off lightly as the waves were thowing themselves wildly over the track. Jersey readers, don't think St. Aubins in a storm, this is much worse, think St Ouens bay but with no room to escape because of cliffs one side and sea the other, awesome!
A few walkers were running and dodging the waves along the bay, and we were all laughing.
I reached the other side of the bay safe and sound, and huffed up the hill to my lunch.
I got in lunch club and nearly fainted from the heat in the room.
We had a good lunch, and afterwards I said I needed fresh air, even though they were going to take me shopping. So I went into the church, they came and found me and gave me money to get my own clothes, which was good of them, they and I knew it would be difficult for me to shop with them, but they got me to go back in the lunch club for Birthday cake as two people had Birthdays.
They are lovely but it is so hot in there.
Eventually I said goodbye and headed off, I went to the high street and perused the chattery shops, I found a pair of jeans, which is a good start, and eventually, tired and with my chest too tight, I came home for asthma meds and a rest.
The tide was ebbing as I came home and although the sea was spectacular, it was no longer breaking over the sea walls.
I am tired, so I may well sleep this time.
Early Wednesday Morning
Good morning,
Well yesterday was quiet, I went for a few bike rides in the afternoon and evening, just my usual faily gentle ride along the front.
I did my jigsaw and watched Buffy in the evening, plagued by this illness and the accompanying depression and anxiety.
I settled to sleep fairly well but woke at 3.30am and didn't sleep again.
I wish it would end, I wish I could sleep. I wish I could do anything.
It doesn't help that with no ESA, I am already running low on money. Bills, haircut, bike repairs, the money goes very fast, and being on this new diet doesn't help. I don't know how I can keep it up.
continued:
I have had breakfast and meds and been for a bike ride. The wind is galeforce and heavy showers are occuring, the sea is wild and dark storm clouds overhead.
I got my winter duvet out last night, so I am cuddled in my duvet watching Buffy now.
Well yesterday was quiet, I went for a few bike rides in the afternoon and evening, just my usual faily gentle ride along the front.
I did my jigsaw and watched Buffy in the evening, plagued by this illness and the accompanying depression and anxiety.
I settled to sleep fairly well but woke at 3.30am and didn't sleep again.
I wish it would end, I wish I could sleep. I wish I could do anything.
It doesn't help that with no ESA, I am already running low on money. Bills, haircut, bike repairs, the money goes very fast, and being on this new diet doesn't help. I don't know how I can keep it up.
continued:
I have had breakfast and meds and been for a bike ride. The wind is galeforce and heavy showers are occuring, the sea is wild and dark storm clouds overhead.
I got my winter duvet out last night, so I am cuddled in my duvet watching Buffy now.
Tuesday, 7 October 2014
Tuesday afternoon
Good afternoon,
Well I haven't felt too well, I have stayed up and out of bed though, but have not had lunch yet, I have jacket potatos cooking and will have beans with them.
The flat is clean, and thunderstorms are awesomely crashing about outside, the cloudscapes are awesome! :)
I have not been to art, craft or coffee or social or Mass today, I have felt too wretched, and sometimes isolation makes it worse but I am afraid company would be even worse.
I have been battling with communication about a bill that went unpaid last month due to no money, and also trying to communicate with the doctors' surgery, blah, I feel like crying sometimes.
I will do my jigsaw, I have nothing else happening today.
Well I haven't felt too well, I have stayed up and out of bed though, but have not had lunch yet, I have jacket potatos cooking and will have beans with them.
The flat is clean, and thunderstorms are awesomely crashing about outside, the cloudscapes are awesome! :)
I have not been to art, craft or coffee or social or Mass today, I have felt too wretched, and sometimes isolation makes it worse but I am afraid company would be even worse.
I have been battling with communication about a bill that went unpaid last month due to no money, and also trying to communicate with the doctors' surgery, blah, I feel like crying sometimes.
I will do my jigsaw, I have nothing else happening today.
Tuesday Morning,
Good morning,
A very rough night, it was hard to sleep and when I did, I had terrible nightmares, mainly about Jane Fisher, the Scott-Joynts and the police, although Bob Hill was also in there.
I woke very upset during the night and there was a thunderstorm as well.
Generally I didn't sleep well and was very distressed.
In the end after being awake during the night as a result, I slept late this morning.
Some of the symptoms of relapse are bad nights and difficulty waking in the morning, and although I am not in much pain now, I am still in relapse, until I wake up relaxed one morning at a reasonable time after getting some deep sleep, which is absent at the moment.
I don't want to go to art class today, it would be overload, so I will have gentle bike ride while the sun is shining, and I can probably fit in with another art class later in the week, especially as I want to make something for my adoptive parents.
I may go to craft this afternoon.
I sat in bed doing my jigsaw on the new jigsaw board last night, so it is off the kitchen floor, but slow progress.
A very rough night, it was hard to sleep and when I did, I had terrible nightmares, mainly about Jane Fisher, the Scott-Joynts and the police, although Bob Hill was also in there.
I woke very upset during the night and there was a thunderstorm as well.
Generally I didn't sleep well and was very distressed.
In the end after being awake during the night as a result, I slept late this morning.
Some of the symptoms of relapse are bad nights and difficulty waking in the morning, and although I am not in much pain now, I am still in relapse, until I wake up relaxed one morning at a reasonable time after getting some deep sleep, which is absent at the moment.
I don't want to go to art class today, it would be overload, so I will have gentle bike ride while the sun is shining, and I can probably fit in with another art class later in the week, especially as I want to make something for my adoptive parents.
I may go to craft this afternoon.
I sat in bed doing my jigsaw on the new jigsaw board last night, so it is off the kitchen floor, but slow progress.
Monday, 6 October 2014
Monday Night
Good evening,
Well the day turned pleasant and sunny as I biked to health and fitness, I got there early and had a look round the nearby ancient cemetery.
Health and fitness was a mixture of good and boring, I drank several cups of tea and read recipe books.
I have lost two pounds this week, which makes three pounds in two weeks despite being without the oven for the first week.
I am also fitter, now that the new asthma meds have kicked in, I can bike up hills that I couldn't bike up before, and I can bike all the way to the health and fitness club.
My exercise log said I have done 7 hours and 25 minutes exercise for the week, which no one can complaint about, especially as I have been so ill.
I biked home with my lights keeping me safe, my pal offered to by my a cycle helmet earlier, but they are expensive flimsy polystyrene and do not make any difference in an accident, that is why I am surprised to see that Jersey children are being made to wear them, the headline was 'Jersey children made to wear cycling helmets by law' well they will look funny walking round in cycle helmets and they wont sleep well wearing them, I would prefer my friend to get me a high visibility vest, because I wont feel safe riding the bike at night until I have one.
Anyway, I came home, dropped my things off and heated some beans to eat with bread and went straight back out again. I headed for church, but the expected programme had suddenly changed because the hosts had to cancel, so my friends were doing a slide show instead and we finished early.
A lot of the gang were asking about my jigsaw puzzle, and one of them had brought me a puzzle board so I can get off the kitchen floor :) this means I can even do the jigsaw in bed when I am ill.
As we headed home I realised I couldn't find my bike keys, my friend came with me to look, and we found them in the bike lock, silly me! :)
It had rained while we were in church, so the bike was wet, and the temperature dropping, so it might freeze tonight.
This week exercise is likely to be hampered by bad weather, but I will do my best.
Tomorrow is art and craft day as usual.
Well the day turned pleasant and sunny as I biked to health and fitness, I got there early and had a look round the nearby ancient cemetery.
Health and fitness was a mixture of good and boring, I drank several cups of tea and read recipe books.
I have lost two pounds this week, which makes three pounds in two weeks despite being without the oven for the first week.
I am also fitter, now that the new asthma meds have kicked in, I can bike up hills that I couldn't bike up before, and I can bike all the way to the health and fitness club.
My exercise log said I have done 7 hours and 25 minutes exercise for the week, which no one can complaint about, especially as I have been so ill.
I biked home with my lights keeping me safe, my pal offered to by my a cycle helmet earlier, but they are expensive flimsy polystyrene and do not make any difference in an accident, that is why I am surprised to see that Jersey children are being made to wear them, the headline was 'Jersey children made to wear cycling helmets by law' well they will look funny walking round in cycle helmets and they wont sleep well wearing them, I would prefer my friend to get me a high visibility vest, because I wont feel safe riding the bike at night until I have one.
Anyway, I came home, dropped my things off and heated some beans to eat with bread and went straight back out again. I headed for church, but the expected programme had suddenly changed because the hosts had to cancel, so my friends were doing a slide show instead and we finished early.
A lot of the gang were asking about my jigsaw puzzle, and one of them had brought me a puzzle board so I can get off the kitchen floor :) this means I can even do the jigsaw in bed when I am ill.
As we headed home I realised I couldn't find my bike keys, my friend came with me to look, and we found them in the bike lock, silly me! :)
It had rained while we were in church, so the bike was wet, and the temperature dropping, so it might freeze tonight.
This week exercise is likely to be hampered by bad weather, but I will do my best.
Tomorrow is art and craft day as usual.
Monday Afternoon
Good Afternoon,
Well, I went to go bowling with my friends, only three of us turned up, so in the end we didn't bowl, we had a meal and talked a lot.
I had a delicious jacket potato with salad and coronation chicken.
We had a good time just talking, and it was lovely up on the cliff with the wild sea crashing on the cliffs.
I have just got home and all I can hear is the roar of the sea, the rain has died out and the wind is still strong but has dropped a bit, which is good because I have to bike to health and fitness a bit later.
Well, I went to go bowling with my friends, only three of us turned up, so in the end we didn't bowl, we had a meal and talked a lot.
I had a delicious jacket potato with salad and coronation chicken.
We had a good time just talking, and it was lovely up on the cliff with the wild sea crashing on the cliffs.
I have just got home and all I can hear is the roar of the sea, the rain has died out and the wind is still strong but has dropped a bit, which is good because I have to bike to health and fitness a bit later.
Monday morning
Good morning,
Well I slept a fairly good night, woke once with nightmares at 1.30am, slept again.
Woke late this morning as I had to shut the window to stop the wind damaging it, so the usual noise of the street didn't wake me.
I was delighted to wake to the sound of strong wind and heavy rain though, even if it means no bike ride until this afternoon.
I woke from dreams about rough sleeping mixed with dreams about how my new diet will make me miraculously well and healthy.
The weather is stunningly awesome, not for most people, but I love it.
I am sitting here with my tea and with 'All the Small things' on top volume on youtube :) with the window open :) I'm frying eggs for breakfast.
I have to wait in for a visitor before I hopefully go bowling with the gang.
Well I slept a fairly good night, woke once with nightmares at 1.30am, slept again.
Woke late this morning as I had to shut the window to stop the wind damaging it, so the usual noise of the street didn't wake me.
I was delighted to wake to the sound of strong wind and heavy rain though, even if it means no bike ride until this afternoon.
I woke from dreams about rough sleeping mixed with dreams about how my new diet will make me miraculously well and healthy.
The weather is stunningly awesome, not for most people, but I love it.
I am sitting here with my tea and with 'All the Small things' on top volume on youtube :) with the window open :) I'm frying eggs for breakfast.
I have to wait in for a visitor before I hopefully go bowling with the gang.
Sunday, 5 October 2014
Sunday Evening
Good evening,
Well, I was successful in cooking a tasty roast dinner from scratch, I have regained a lot of the co-ordination and comprehension that I lost in Jersey due to trauma and can co-ordinate a simple but tasty roast dinner. I am pleased.
The problem with this 'proper' cooking is that it leaves a lot of washing up, but that all got done too.
My washing dried quickly on the line, apart from my thermal top, which is finishing drying in the oven. No comment.
Anyway, so I got the washing in, made the bed in fresh linens, hoovered the flat, mopped the kitchen floor, put a clean mat down, put the rubbish out, put the washing away and went out for several short bike rides.
I had a baked potato that I cooked with the roast for supper, and watched 'Here comes the boom' again.
I had a troll trying to tell me how to run my website and that made me a bit cross and snappy with everyone, sorry.
I went out for a bike ride in the dark to test my bike lights, it is a cold windy night and the tide was in, a hazy moon shone through thin cloud, while part of the sky was clear, lots of fishermen along the shore, a nice bike ride.
The weather is due to be stormy with gales and heavy rain, I wonder how much it will disrupt my day tomorrow.
I am still unwell, not as bad as yesterday, not in too much pain and able to eat and go out on the bike, but not 100% well.
I think I will have an early night. I have turned the mattress round in the hope that it will support my back better and help me to feel better.
Tomorrow I have a visitor and then I hope to go to bowling club with my friends if it isn't cancelled due to weather, then I have health and fitness and church social.
Well, I was successful in cooking a tasty roast dinner from scratch, I have regained a lot of the co-ordination and comprehension that I lost in Jersey due to trauma and can co-ordinate a simple but tasty roast dinner. I am pleased.
The problem with this 'proper' cooking is that it leaves a lot of washing up, but that all got done too.
My washing dried quickly on the line, apart from my thermal top, which is finishing drying in the oven. No comment.
Anyway, so I got the washing in, made the bed in fresh linens, hoovered the flat, mopped the kitchen floor, put a clean mat down, put the rubbish out, put the washing away and went out for several short bike rides.
I had a baked potato that I cooked with the roast for supper, and watched 'Here comes the boom' again.
I had a troll trying to tell me how to run my website and that made me a bit cross and snappy with everyone, sorry.
I went out for a bike ride in the dark to test my bike lights, it is a cold windy night and the tide was in, a hazy moon shone through thin cloud, while part of the sky was clear, lots of fishermen along the shore, a nice bike ride.
The weather is due to be stormy with gales and heavy rain, I wonder how much it will disrupt my day tomorrow.
I am still unwell, not as bad as yesterday, not in too much pain and able to eat and go out on the bike, but not 100% well.
I think I will have an early night. I have turned the mattress round in the hope that it will support my back better and help me to feel better.
Tomorrow I have a visitor and then I hope to go to bowling club with my friends if it isn't cancelled due to weather, then I have health and fitness and church social.
Sunday lunch
Good lunchtime,
Well, this morning at 7am, after being awake since 3.30am, I fell into sleep, and didn't wake until 10.15, which means no church, instead a quiet morning, and I have put the bed linens on to wash so they can dry in the good weather before the bad weather sets in tonight or tomorrow.
I went to get my bike and the lesser spotted landlady was talking to the local vicah, she gave me a tub of freshly harvested tomatos.
I had a bike ride along the front, it is a sunny day and with the tide almost in, the front is busy and I think a swim may be nice.
After which I will cook a roast dinner, from scratch! My first real proper self-cooked roast :) blah.
No stuffing or gravy though, chicken, potatos and veg.
Continued:
Well I biked to the bay but the tide was ebbing and it was cold so I didn't swim.
I am proceeding with the roast dinner, wish me luck, I am not sure it will work out, especially as I am attempting gravy as well.
It smells nice.
I was talking to my landlady earlier and really it is quite worrying because the council may drive her out of business, which would leave me homeless again, and really and truly, I am home here, I think re-settling me now would be a disaster.
Well, this morning at 7am, after being awake since 3.30am, I fell into sleep, and didn't wake until 10.15, which means no church, instead a quiet morning, and I have put the bed linens on to wash so they can dry in the good weather before the bad weather sets in tonight or tomorrow.
I went to get my bike and the lesser spotted landlady was talking to the local vicah, she gave me a tub of freshly harvested tomatos.
I had a bike ride along the front, it is a sunny day and with the tide almost in, the front is busy and I think a swim may be nice.
After which I will cook a roast dinner, from scratch! My first real proper self-cooked roast :) blah.
No stuffing or gravy though, chicken, potatos and veg.
Continued:
Well I biked to the bay but the tide was ebbing and it was cold so I didn't swim.
I am proceeding with the roast dinner, wish me luck, I am not sure it will work out, especially as I am attempting gravy as well.
It smells nice.
I was talking to my landlady earlier and really it is quite worrying because the council may drive her out of business, which would leave me homeless again, and really and truly, I am home here, I think re-settling me now would be a disaster.
Early Sunday Morning
Good morning,
Well I woke at 3.30am, having nightmares and woke knowing I wouldn't sleep again.
I went to the loo, and eventually got up, made tea and have been quietly doing this and that, mainly sitting in bed with the laptop.
Not feeling great, especially with not enough sleep.
The sky is clear and the stars are ever so bright and I remember sleeping out there as a rough sleeper, looking up at the beautiful starry sky, I miss that so much.
Well I woke at 3.30am, having nightmares and woke knowing I wouldn't sleep again.
I went to the loo, and eventually got up, made tea and have been quietly doing this and that, mainly sitting in bed with the laptop.
Not feeling great, especially with not enough sleep.
The sky is clear and the stars are ever so bright and I remember sleeping out there as a rough sleeper, looking up at the beautiful starry sky, I miss that so much.
Saturday, 4 October 2014
Saturday evening
Good evening,
Well it has been a quiet day, watching movies, walking and cycling and feeling ill.
Nothing much happened, the rain cleared to a cold sunny autumn day, awesome, and a clear cold night, also awesome, I have had a few walks but I am really ill, so now I am sitting with hot water bottles to try and get my muscles to relax, and I will go to bed soon.
Well it has been a quiet day, watching movies, walking and cycling and feeling ill.
Nothing much happened, the rain cleared to a cold sunny autumn day, awesome, and a clear cold night, also awesome, I have had a few walks but I am really ill, so now I am sitting with hot water bottles to try and get my muscles to relax, and I will go to bed soon.
Saturday lunchtime
Good lunchtime,
Well I walked through the pouring rain to collect my bike.
The bike looked smug, after all, it only breaks down when I get my DLA.
Nonetheless, I can't afford to keep repairing it.
It needed a new chain, and Al also fitted lights for me as I can't keep biking home in the dark on Mondays.
I biked down to the shore, the tide was not full but fierce waves were breaking.
I went to the shop and got bread and the papers, and I have been reading the papers and watching 'Here comes the Boom', which is one of my favourites because I went to the cinema to watch it when I was homeless, and it got me out of the cold and off the streets for the evening.
I am cooking some chicken for today and tomorrow's meals, and I will do my jigsaw puzzle and will have a bath and go back out on my bike when the weather is better later.
Saturday morning
Good morning,
Posted on the wrong blog again!
Lots of people tuning in.
Nothing much to declare, I put extra support for my head and neck and slept soundly until 9am, Saturday lie in, I woke feeling fairly relaxed but not really in remission yet.
I am just watching cartoons on youtube.
It is a dark and rainy day.
I have to collect my bike soon, losing my bike is like losing wings, I am lost without it.
Posted on the wrong blog again!
Lots of people tuning in.
Nothing much to declare, I put extra support for my head and neck and slept soundly until 9am, Saturday lie in, I woke feeling fairly relaxed but not really in remission yet.
I am just watching cartoons on youtube.
It is a dark and rainy day.
I have to collect my bike soon, losing my bike is like losing wings, I am lost without it.
Friday, 3 October 2014
Friday Night
Good evening,
Well I set off dubiously for the post office and realised I would collapse if I tried the walk.
My friend was sitting outside the drop in, so I went in there with her, she was feeling bad from backache.
I talked to my beloved people and asked their advice, they told me that going out this evening would probably do me good, and I could rest in the meantime.
They were right, I came home, rested in bed and watched Slumdog Millionaire, and went out this evening, my friend kept me company and apart from a few spells of feeling ill, I had a lovely evening.
I just got home and I am tired.
Well I set off dubiously for the post office and realised I would collapse if I tried the walk.
My friend was sitting outside the drop in, so I went in there with her, she was feeling bad from backache.
I talked to my beloved people and asked their advice, they told me that going out this evening would probably do me good, and I could rest in the meantime.
They were right, I came home, rested in bed and watched Slumdog Millionaire, and went out this evening, my friend kept me company and apart from a few spells of feeling ill, I had a lovely evening.
I just got home and I am tired.
Friday lunchtime
Good lunchtime,
Well I am not having much of a day.
Sick this morning, I haven't really got well. I feel very rough.
Nothing is helping today, not bath, not food, not painkillers.
I tried to go out on my bike, but the chain snapped, gah, I took the bike to Al, who will also fit lights, and I came home. I was heading for the post office, but now I will have to walk there, and I feel too ill.
So I stopped and did my dinner, fried fish with rice, and I did enough rice and some eggs so that I could prepare an egg and rice meal in advance for my supper.
It is a warm day but I can't do much.
I am supposed to be going out tonight, so when I am back from the post office I will sleep until this evening.
Well I am not having much of a day.
Sick this morning, I haven't really got well. I feel very rough.
Nothing is helping today, not bath, not food, not painkillers.
I tried to go out on my bike, but the chain snapped, gah, I took the bike to Al, who will also fit lights, and I came home. I was heading for the post office, but now I will have to walk there, and I feel too ill.
So I stopped and did my dinner, fried fish with rice, and I did enough rice and some eggs so that I could prepare an egg and rice meal in advance for my supper.
It is a warm day but I can't do much.
I am supposed to be going out tonight, so when I am back from the post office I will sleep until this evening.
Friday Morning
Good morning,
Well I slept a reasonably good night, a few disruptive dreams. I woke up dizzy, a bit of pain, muddle-woozy headed.
It is a warm day, with a bit of mist in the valley, but the hills are visible.
I am just going to try and recover and then I will have a bath and a bike ride, it is a quiet day until this evening when I will go out and be more noisy.
I forgot to say, I did have a swim yesterday, my exercise chart says I did 1 hour and 45 minutes of exercise yesterday despite feeling really sick at lunchtime.
I may swim today.
Well I slept a reasonably good night, a few disruptive dreams. I woke up dizzy, a bit of pain, muddle-woozy headed.
It is a warm day, with a bit of mist in the valley, but the hills are visible.
I am just going to try and recover and then I will have a bath and a bike ride, it is a quiet day until this evening when I will go out and be more noisy.
I forgot to say, I did have a swim yesterday, my exercise chart says I did 1 hour and 45 minutes of exercise yesterday despite feeling really sick at lunchtime.
I may swim today.
Thursday, 2 October 2014
Thursday Evening
Good evening,
Well I started my new jigsaw puzzle that my friend gave me, she didn't believe I would do a jigsaw on the kitchen floor, but truth is, I had no other surface to do it on, so there I was, doing my jigsaw, when the lesser spotted landlady knocked on the door and told me when the council are inspecting us, which is fine because I will be out.
Anyway, the lesser spotted landlady saw me doing my jigsaw on the floor and offered me a coffee table from the spare furniture, but there was one too big, one too small, and what I ended up with in the end is a wooden box on wheels, which is sitting in the kitchen looking puzzled while my jigsaw is still on the floor.
I have also been watching 'Hitch' which is a bit too grown up for me. And I have had an evening bike ride, fine sunny evening,
My tummy is not happy with the change of lifestyle, thats tough, tummy, get used to it.
I now have a quiet time with no activities until tomorrow evening.
Well I started my new jigsaw puzzle that my friend gave me, she didn't believe I would do a jigsaw on the kitchen floor, but truth is, I had no other surface to do it on, so there I was, doing my jigsaw, when the lesser spotted landlady knocked on the door and told me when the council are inspecting us, which is fine because I will be out.
Anyway, the lesser spotted landlady saw me doing my jigsaw on the floor and offered me a coffee table from the spare furniture, but there was one too big, one too small, and what I ended up with in the end is a wooden box on wheels, which is sitting in the kitchen looking puzzled while my jigsaw is still on the floor.
I have also been watching 'Hitch' which is a bit too grown up for me. And I have had an evening bike ride, fine sunny evening,
My tummy is not happy with the change of lifestyle, thats tough, tummy, get used to it.
I now have a quiet time with no activities until tomorrow evening.
Thursday Afternoon
Good afternoon,
Phew! What a busy day! I shouldn't really have done as much as I have and I was quite ill by lunchtime.
I am not in pain today but still not well really.
So the hour and five minutes of exercise recorded on my chart is a bit much. All cycling of course.
I headed out this morning, went to Mass, then dropped a letter off, then scooted to the next town, it is up and down hills all the way, a killer. I did my essential shopping and banking.
The problem with relying solely on DLA is that I can only shop and do essential things once a month, and so I end up short of money already.
Coal tar shampoo is £5 for the smallest bottle, but if I don't buy it, I scratch my scalp raw.
Coal tar shampoo is £5 for the smallest bottle, but if I don't buy it, I scratch my scalp raw.
So, I did my 'Poundland' shopping, things like foam pads, toiletries, batteries etc, I looked round the chattery shops, but I didn't find any good books, and next week someone is taking me clothes shopping in the chattery shops, so, quite please with timing, I made my way back to my lunch club.
This is my usual friendly lunch club, but most of my friends were away, and the people I ended up sitting with were all elderly and deaf, it was hard work and it was too hot in there and I felt dizzy and unwell, we had a nice roast dinner though, but my quizmaster friend was away so the quiz was too hard. When the priest came and asked me how I was spending the rest of the day, I had to admit I only felt like going home to sleep.
Eventually I escaped and scooted along the cliffs, the sea was grey and calm under fog but it is such a hot day, I may have a gentle swim later.
I freewheeled home.
The lesser spotted landlady was chatting to one of the other residents, and they told me that the Andy-Man has already been to look at the electrics and smoke alarm but the council will be inspecting us and other things may need doing.
Argh, I do not like change. Apart from when it is money sort of change.
This is my first sugar-free day, and I think it came too close on the back of this hypo-enduced illness, my brain is worried, it says 'Is this another hypo?'
But it isn't, because there is enough sugar in my food, my system just needs to get used to no sugar in tea or sweets. I will still have sugar first thing in the morning in my tea, and the rest of the time I now have sweetner, which I dreaded but it is ok, and sugar free sweets, my tummy is a bit doubtful, it says 'Is this aspartame? shall I be sick?'
Withdrawal symptoms, cold turkey, on the back of such a bad illness, I hope I don't relapse, my muscles are tight.
Thursday morning, sorry, posted on the wrong blog again
Good morning,
Well it is 5.45am, and although I didn't have too bad a night, I am still tense and I woke early unable to sleep, I got up because recently I have returned to the nighttime distress about the church that used to plague me on the streets and so I decided it was better to get up.
I am not in pain, but am still tense and feeling the after effects of the illness, by this evening I should be fine.
It is still dark, otherwise I would be biking along the front.
It is cool and smoky autumn dark :)
Continued:
By 7-ish it was light so I went for a bike ride.
The fog was down thick over the sea, the hills were invisible, I get a bit narked when my hills wander off, so I biked up to the cliff but it remained invisible.
It was so quiet and peaceful, the fog down close over a grey calm sea and no hills visible.
I biked fast to try and build my muscles a bit.
Well it is 5.45am, and although I didn't have too bad a night, I am still tense and I woke early unable to sleep, I got up because recently I have returned to the nighttime distress about the church that used to plague me on the streets and so I decided it was better to get up.
I am not in pain, but am still tense and feeling the after effects of the illness, by this evening I should be fine.
It is still dark, otherwise I would be biking along the front.
It is cool and smoky autumn dark :)
Continued:
By 7-ish it was light so I went for a bike ride.
The fog was down thick over the sea, the hills were invisible, I get a bit narked when my hills wander off, so I biked up to the cliff but it remained invisible.
It was so quiet and peaceful, the fog down close over a grey calm sea and no hills visible.
I biked fast to try and build my muscles a bit.
Wednesday, 1 October 2014
Wednesday evening
Good evening,
Well I stayed awake and have done my best to carry on as normal.
Not doing a lot, eventually I went for a bike ride up and down the bay, and then I went shopping.
Shopping is a bit of a culture shock now. The shopping I got did not resemble what would have been in my basket only a short time ago. Welcome to a new world, welcome to a revolution.
I never learned to cook or learned about food values, I have always eaten a plain, simple and not very appetising diet, especially when I only have 7pence for a reduced loaf of bread or whatever, now things are different, although I am not sure how my very limited money will manage the new diet.
Nonetheless, it has worked out satisfactorily, my tummy feels happy. I am boiling eggs for egg snacks now, because I am allowed lots of eggs and have a stove to boil them on. Funny diet eh? :) I am still a bit nervous, such big change.
I am still not well but I am coping.
Well I stayed awake and have done my best to carry on as normal.
Not doing a lot, eventually I went for a bike ride up and down the bay, and then I went shopping.
Shopping is a bit of a culture shock now. The shopping I got did not resemble what would have been in my basket only a short time ago. Welcome to a new world, welcome to a revolution.
I never learned to cook or learned about food values, I have always eaten a plain, simple and not very appetising diet, especially when I only have 7pence for a reduced loaf of bread or whatever, now things are different, although I am not sure how my very limited money will manage the new diet.
Nonetheless, it has worked out satisfactorily, my tummy feels happy. I am boiling eggs for egg snacks now, because I am allowed lots of eggs and have a stove to boil them on. Funny diet eh? :) I am still a bit nervous, such big change.
I am still not well but I am coping.
Wednesday Afternoon
Good afternoon,
Well a very hot and sick person is writing this.
I haven't quite got the hang of abandoning my community routines when I am sick, but I have little choice if I don't get better.
This morning I plodded on with schedule, I went to the drop in and spent two hours with my beloved pals. It was so hard not to sit there with my head in my hands, and I thought I would vomit but I didn't.
Then I headed for community lunch club in the next town, this is not my dear lunch club with my pals, this is the referral lunch club.
When I got there, they wanted me to go with them to get me some clothes afterwards but I felt so ill during lunch that I was forced to leave early, and they will take me clothes shopping next week, I also had to abandon my own necessary shopping, all I could do was bike back here along the bay. I have to have my hair cut at 3pm, but after that I will be returning to bed.
I cannot go out and about when I am this ill, I will have to wait until I am well, which is sad because there is so much to do tomorrow, including my own friendly lunch club and quiz.
It is a warm day, which doesn't help.
Well a very hot and sick person is writing this.
I haven't quite got the hang of abandoning my community routines when I am sick, but I have little choice if I don't get better.
This morning I plodded on with schedule, I went to the drop in and spent two hours with my beloved pals. It was so hard not to sit there with my head in my hands, and I thought I would vomit but I didn't.
Then I headed for community lunch club in the next town, this is not my dear lunch club with my pals, this is the referral lunch club.
When I got there, they wanted me to go with them to get me some clothes afterwards but I felt so ill during lunch that I was forced to leave early, and they will take me clothes shopping next week, I also had to abandon my own necessary shopping, all I could do was bike back here along the bay. I have to have my hair cut at 3pm, but after that I will be returning to bed.
I cannot go out and about when I am this ill, I will have to wait until I am well, which is sad because there is so much to do tomorrow, including my own friendly lunch club and quiz.
It is a warm day, which doesn't help.
Wednesday morning
Good morning,
Well yesterday evening was normal, a bike ride, watching Mulberry, a bath, very tired, sleep.
I had a very rough night, waking, nightmares, feeling ill. Still the after effects of the hypo.
I slept in and got up feeling ill at 9pm. I am still in the 'do I take painkillers and vomit them or do I not take painkillers and vomit from the pain?' mode.
Today is fairly busy, with drop in, lunch club, hair cut, etc.
It is another warm sunny day, and again I cannot swim in the sea because I am ill.
My neighbour has left me some magazines.
Fisher, get off my blog.
Well yesterday evening was normal, a bike ride, watching Mulberry, a bath, very tired, sleep.
I had a very rough night, waking, nightmares, feeling ill. Still the after effects of the hypo.
I slept in and got up feeling ill at 9pm. I am still in the 'do I take painkillers and vomit them or do I not take painkillers and vomit from the pain?' mode.
Today is fairly busy, with drop in, lunch club, hair cut, etc.
It is another warm sunny day, and again I cannot swim in the sea because I am ill.
My neighbour has left me some magazines.
Fisher, get off my blog.
Tuesday, 30 September 2014
Tuesday Evening
Good evening,
Well I went and helped with shoeboxes. It was fun, it always is.
I believe in shoeboxes, I have always helped with them or done a shoebox. And last year I was given a shoebox because I was in poverty, it was so absolutely wonderful! :)
So, if you are reading this, please support shoeboxes, it means a box of small christmas gifts sent to disadvantaged people in different places round the world or even in the UK.
After that and some tea and chatter, I came home, it is a warm day, which is not helping me, and I was hot and tired.
I decided to bike down the sea front, and one person was swimming, a few paddling and one surfing, which made me long for a swim, but I have been too ill, so no swim.
My oven has provided some lovely jacket potatos.
I think a cool bath and a quiet evening are the only options now.
Well I went and helped with shoeboxes. It was fun, it always is.
I believe in shoeboxes, I have always helped with them or done a shoebox. And last year I was given a shoebox because I was in poverty, it was so absolutely wonderful! :)
So, if you are reading this, please support shoeboxes, it means a box of small christmas gifts sent to disadvantaged people in different places round the world or even in the UK.
After that and some tea and chatter, I came home, it is a warm day, which is not helping me, and I was hot and tired.
I decided to bike down the sea front, and one person was swimming, a few paddling and one surfing, which made me long for a swim, but I have been too ill, so no swim.
My oven has provided some lovely jacket potatos.
I think a cool bath and a quiet evening are the only options now.
Tuesday Lunchtime
Good lunchtime,
Well I am not feeling too good. I will update because certain Jerseypeople keep logging nosily on to see what I am doing.
I guess a relapse started yesterday, I was dizzy and sick, and nearly fell off my bike a few times.
And to compound it, I didn't eat well or take a proper meal before I started fasting.
I had a bad night, with Bishop Scott-Joynt still trying to discuss things with me in my dreams, and woke this morning miserably longing for my cup of tea.
I got up and washed and dressed, I had deliberately tried to stay in bed until an hour before the blood tests, to try and make it seem shorter before I could get tea.
I forgot to put anything to eat in my backpack, not that there is anything much I could carry, but I put my meds and painkillers in the backpack and headed for the surgery.
The doctors often run late and I expected the nurse to run late but she was prompt, nice, and efficient, and a bit worried about how ill the fast had made me. This surgery has never blood tested me before. My history of illness on fasting goes back to youth group. We did two sponsored 24 hour fasts at Youth Group and I became severely ill on both, I cannot let my blood sugar drop too low or I go hypo and can collapse.
Today was the worst hypo I have had for two years.
So, as soon as the tests were done, I was in the cafe, drinking sugary tea with toast and a chocolate bar.
I am not back to normal, one of the things a hypo does to me is it seizes up my muscles, and so the muscles where I am injured seize up and I end up in agony.
I went from the cafe to the coffee morning, where my church made a riotous fuss of me and I was too dizzy and dozy to make much sense, although they all knew why.
I am now home, supposed to be sleeping before going to help with shoeboxes this afternoon, but I am not sure if I will be able to sleep or help with shoeboxes.
It is a warm sunny day.
Continued:
I am cooking pork and potatos instead of sleeping.
It is funny what I am allowed or not allowed to eat now. Pork and jacket potato is a delicious meal and I am allowed as much of that as I like. I am allowed things like full english breakfast or roast dinner, and I can now cook such things, but there are other things I can no longer have or only have in moderation.
My worst thing is that I have to cut down on my tea with milk and sugar, my lifelong medicine.
Well I am not feeling too good. I will update because certain Jerseypeople keep logging nosily on to see what I am doing.
I guess a relapse started yesterday, I was dizzy and sick, and nearly fell off my bike a few times.
And to compound it, I didn't eat well or take a proper meal before I started fasting.
I had a bad night, with Bishop Scott-Joynt still trying to discuss things with me in my dreams, and woke this morning miserably longing for my cup of tea.
I got up and washed and dressed, I had deliberately tried to stay in bed until an hour before the blood tests, to try and make it seem shorter before I could get tea.
I forgot to put anything to eat in my backpack, not that there is anything much I could carry, but I put my meds and painkillers in the backpack and headed for the surgery.
The doctors often run late and I expected the nurse to run late but she was prompt, nice, and efficient, and a bit worried about how ill the fast had made me. This surgery has never blood tested me before. My history of illness on fasting goes back to youth group. We did two sponsored 24 hour fasts at Youth Group and I became severely ill on both, I cannot let my blood sugar drop too low or I go hypo and can collapse.
Today was the worst hypo I have had for two years.
So, as soon as the tests were done, I was in the cafe, drinking sugary tea with toast and a chocolate bar.
I am not back to normal, one of the things a hypo does to me is it seizes up my muscles, and so the muscles where I am injured seize up and I end up in agony.
I went from the cafe to the coffee morning, where my church made a riotous fuss of me and I was too dizzy and dozy to make much sense, although they all knew why.
I am now home, supposed to be sleeping before going to help with shoeboxes this afternoon, but I am not sure if I will be able to sleep or help with shoeboxes.
It is a warm sunny day.
Continued:
I am cooking pork and potatos instead of sleeping.
It is funny what I am allowed or not allowed to eat now. Pork and jacket potato is a delicious meal and I am allowed as much of that as I like. I am allowed things like full english breakfast or roast dinner, and I can now cook such things, but there are other things I can no longer have or only have in moderation.
My worst thing is that I have to cut down on my tea with milk and sugar, my lifelong medicine.
Monday, 29 September 2014
Monday Night
Good evening,
I only just got home.
This afternoon, feeling decidedly weak and dizzy but unable to sleep, I decided to go out on my bike.
I biked along the front. A bit wobbly. The tide was in and monster blue clouds soared over the hills.
I came home, sorted myself out and biked down to health and fitness club. I have lost a pound in a week despite the stress and not paying much attention to what I eat.
I find some of the club very boring, but it is absolutely necessary, if I do not do this now, I will never get well and strong again, that's assuming that the diocese don't kill me and the test results are not too dire anyway.
Still wobbly, I nearly came off my bike a few times.
By 7pm it was getting dark and I swiftly went to collect my bike, sadly the lock broke and I couldn't unlock it, I was afraid I would be stranded but I managed to undo it, biked swiftly home, went to collect a spare lock from the flat, and all the flats had cakes or notes on their doorstep, my doorstep had two divine banoffee mufffins, so I put a note on a doorstep.
I headed back out with the lock, went to the church social and was overwhelmed with love and kindness and fellowship, such that I was looking at the door waiting for Jane Fisher to burst in and yell at everyone that I am mad and bad and they should shun me, I will always expect it, because that is what she did, basically, for years.
Anyway, it was a lovely evening, although the co-incidence in one of the songs we sang was spooky and I told Scott-Joynt to get back to his lake of fire.
It wasn't this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3I0aiPmAKrU
Don't imagine I am not affected by my destroyer's death, I am, and will be for some time. No justice here on earth but he will go to hell now. And eventually Jane Fisher will join him.
I only just got home.
This afternoon, feeling decidedly weak and dizzy but unable to sleep, I decided to go out on my bike.
I biked along the front. A bit wobbly. The tide was in and monster blue clouds soared over the hills.
I came home, sorted myself out and biked down to health and fitness club. I have lost a pound in a week despite the stress and not paying much attention to what I eat.
I find some of the club very boring, but it is absolutely necessary, if I do not do this now, I will never get well and strong again, that's assuming that the diocese don't kill me and the test results are not too dire anyway.
Still wobbly, I nearly came off my bike a few times.
By 7pm it was getting dark and I swiftly went to collect my bike, sadly the lock broke and I couldn't unlock it, I was afraid I would be stranded but I managed to undo it, biked swiftly home, went to collect a spare lock from the flat, and all the flats had cakes or notes on their doorstep, my doorstep had two divine banoffee mufffins, so I put a note on a doorstep.
I headed back out with the lock, went to the church social and was overwhelmed with love and kindness and fellowship, such that I was looking at the door waiting for Jane Fisher to burst in and yell at everyone that I am mad and bad and they should shun me, I will always expect it, because that is what she did, basically, for years.
Anyway, it was a lovely evening, although the co-incidence in one of the songs we sang was spooky and I told Scott-Joynt to get back to his lake of fire.
It wasn't this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3I0aiPmAKrU
Don't imagine I am not affected by my destroyer's death, I am, and will be for some time. No justice here on earth but he will go to hell now. And eventually Jane Fisher will join him.
Monday Afternoon
Good afternoon,
Well, this morning my oven arrived, and it works well. It is a little oven with two hobs and a grill. Back to civilization!
I cooked sausages for lunch.
The post was documents and bad news.
I heard that one of my destroyers, Michael Scott-Joynt died. that brings no joy, people who deliberately act wickedly as he did, end up in hell, which is no comfort.
People who lie to police and courts as he do are wicked, and he never repended nor put things right after destroying me in partnership with Jane Fisher and protecting wrongdoers.
I am not well today, dizzy and tired. I am glad it is only a few weeks until they hopefully can do something to help me.
I can't really live with this illness unchecked any more.
But it is so hard because I have no money for normal food let alone a special diet.
Well, this morning my oven arrived, and it works well. It is a little oven with two hobs and a grill. Back to civilization!
I cooked sausages for lunch.
The post was documents and bad news.
I heard that one of my destroyers, Michael Scott-Joynt died. that brings no joy, people who deliberately act wickedly as he did, end up in hell, which is no comfort.
People who lie to police and courts as he do are wicked, and he never repended nor put things right after destroying me in partnership with Jane Fisher and protecting wrongdoers.
I am not well today, dizzy and tired. I am glad it is only a few weeks until they hopefully can do something to help me.
I can't really live with this illness unchecked any more.
But it is so hard because I have no money for normal food let alone a special diet.
Monday Morning
Good morning,
Well I slept well and woke this morning from a dream about Bishop Dakin and his wife.
I dreamed I was talking to Sally Dakin and trying to rescue her orphaned lamb from a cupboard where it was stuck. Then Bishop Dakin came in and I called him a damn fool and I refused to stay and listen to him talking about the reports.
Ha.
Anyway, I woke up and nearly dozed off again.
I got up and got the kettle on.
Thick fog made even our street hard to see. So I went and got my washing in as it was only getting damp in the fog.
I had a bath, dressed, and have been waiting for someone due to come and see me, but they are a bit late.
The fog is lifting slightly.
My day is about waiting for this visit and the post. Completing some work, and this evening going to health and fitness, to tell them the mournful news that due to no oven and living on foodbank dregs, I am not any healthier or fitter. Especially having stopped swimming and not able to top my leisure card up.
Tonight there is a church social and I may go. But I am having to fast overnight, so I must be careful. I have blood tests in the morning tomorrow, after which I will run gasping to my church for tea with sugar :)
Continued:
Well my expected visitor arrived with a small amount of groceries and to my surprise - My oven!
The oven is sitting in a now chaotic and disrupted kitchen and I, being autistic, am very unnerved by my kitchen being different, and not sure how to re-arrange it.
Well, just in time, I can start cooking and eating a bit better, the lady at the health and fitness will be pleased.
I just need to start getting food. Today I get my lists of what I should and should not eat, and it is not quite how you would imagine it at all. I am allowed most foods, but I must eat proper meals, no ready meals and I need to eat full meals, which my tummy does not like.
Well I slept well and woke this morning from a dream about Bishop Dakin and his wife.
I dreamed I was talking to Sally Dakin and trying to rescue her orphaned lamb from a cupboard where it was stuck. Then Bishop Dakin came in and I called him a damn fool and I refused to stay and listen to him talking about the reports.
Ha.
Anyway, I woke up and nearly dozed off again.
I got up and got the kettle on.
Thick fog made even our street hard to see. So I went and got my washing in as it was only getting damp in the fog.
I had a bath, dressed, and have been waiting for someone due to come and see me, but they are a bit late.
The fog is lifting slightly.
My day is about waiting for this visit and the post. Completing some work, and this evening going to health and fitness, to tell them the mournful news that due to no oven and living on foodbank dregs, I am not any healthier or fitter. Especially having stopped swimming and not able to top my leisure card up.
Tonight there is a church social and I may go. But I am having to fast overnight, so I must be careful. I have blood tests in the morning tomorrow, after which I will run gasping to my church for tea with sugar :)
Continued:
Well my expected visitor arrived with a small amount of groceries and to my surprise - My oven!
The oven is sitting in a now chaotic and disrupted kitchen and I, being autistic, am very unnerved by my kitchen being different, and not sure how to re-arrange it.
Well, just in time, I can start cooking and eating a bit better, the lady at the health and fitness will be pleased.
I just need to start getting food. Today I get my lists of what I should and should not eat, and it is not quite how you would imagine it at all. I am allowed most foods, but I must eat proper meals, no ready meals and I need to eat full meals, which my tummy does not like.
Sunday, 28 September 2014
Sunday Evening
Good evening,
I put the washing out, biked down to the sea and waded in the sea.
Came back and stopped to chat to my pal.
Watched Buffy and tried to get on with some work, didn't feel like it, and learned that the church's cover-up and PR man has been shooting his mouth off to cover up for the fact that the new CSA inquiry person is another Church of England member, the CofE seem invincible in covering up for themselves, avoiding responsibility and silencing victims in their control of the press.
So that spoiled my evening.
I took the rubbish out and walked to the beach, it is a cold and clear night, I wish I could keep this beautiful night and sea forever, but the church intend to destroy me and shut me in some dungeon.
I put the washing out, biked down to the sea and waded in the sea.
Came back and stopped to chat to my pal.
Watched Buffy and tried to get on with some work, didn't feel like it, and learned that the church's cover-up and PR man has been shooting his mouth off to cover up for the fact that the new CSA inquiry person is another Church of England member, the CofE seem invincible in covering up for themselves, avoiding responsibility and silencing victims in their control of the press.
So that spoiled my evening.
I took the rubbish out and walked to the beach, it is a cold and clear night, I wish I could keep this beautiful night and sea forever, but the church intend to destroy me and shut me in some dungeon.
Sunday Afternoon
Good afternoon,
Well this morning I went to church. After church I talked, and also discovered why the oven has not yet arrived. The guy who was supposed to test it on Friday went on holiday.
Someone else in church is in real serious difficulties same as me because of the benefits system becoming barbaric, she is fortunate to have family but they are at their wits end too.
I came home and did a rice meal, I have no meat or fish left so I put tomatoes with the rice.
I had to put my clothes in the wash, including my only jeans, so I am in my swim clothes, I keep going down to the beach and biking along the front and it is so busy down there but no-one is swimming and I think I would be too embarassed to swim, the sky is grey but it is a warm day.
Someone who obviously is inexperienced has brought their motor boat right in by the shore.
I am waiting for the washing to finish spinning, it should dry quickly so I can dress myself and feel a bit better as a result, I am watching Buffy as I wait, and when the washing is out, I will go back to biking and maybe some wading in the sea.
Well this morning I went to church. After church I talked, and also discovered why the oven has not yet arrived. The guy who was supposed to test it on Friday went on holiday.
Someone else in church is in real serious difficulties same as me because of the benefits system becoming barbaric, she is fortunate to have family but they are at their wits end too.
I came home and did a rice meal, I have no meat or fish left so I put tomatoes with the rice.
I had to put my clothes in the wash, including my only jeans, so I am in my swim clothes, I keep going down to the beach and biking along the front and it is so busy down there but no-one is swimming and I think I would be too embarassed to swim, the sky is grey but it is a warm day.
Someone who obviously is inexperienced has brought their motor boat right in by the shore.
I am waiting for the washing to finish spinning, it should dry quickly so I can dress myself and feel a bit better as a result, I am watching Buffy as I wait, and when the washing is out, I will go back to biking and maybe some wading in the sea.
Sunday Morning
Good morning,
I woke from vivid dreams at 7am.
I got up, let the mist and the sunrise into the room. Made tea, dressed, put the rubbish out and biked along the sea front, it is misty and murky but thankfully more autumn than smog.
I came home, bathed and put toast on to toast.
I am having my tea and toast as I dry out.
Then it will be church time soon..
I woke from vivid dreams at 7am.
I got up, let the mist and the sunrise into the room. Made tea, dressed, put the rubbish out and biked along the sea front, it is misty and murky but thankfully more autumn than smog.
I came home, bathed and put toast on to toast.
I am having my tea and toast as I dry out.
Then it will be church time soon..
Saturday, 27 September 2014
Saturday Evening
Good evening,
Well, being bored, I sorted all my paperwork, that is quite a back breaking task.
I also generally cleared away stuff, that means I removed all the junk from the top of the wardrobe.
Can you believe it? I own/ed junk! Wow, life on the streets never allowed junk.
Anyway, I am now all sorted.
Watching Buffy again. I just had the radio on while I sorted my paperwork.
I went out to put all the shredded paperwork and rubbish and cardboard in the dustbin. It is a cold night with some mist and a clear starry sky, the air is smoky, yes, it is autumn! :)
I am tired now, I will be up early because on Sunday I either get up early to ensure I fast for the hour before communion or I have to skip breakfast. Skipping meals is not good.
Well, being bored, I sorted all my paperwork, that is quite a back breaking task.
I also generally cleared away stuff, that means I removed all the junk from the top of the wardrobe.
Can you believe it? I own/ed junk! Wow, life on the streets never allowed junk.
Anyway, I am now all sorted.
Watching Buffy again. I just had the radio on while I sorted my paperwork.
I went out to put all the shredded paperwork and rubbish and cardboard in the dustbin. It is a cold night with some mist and a clear starry sky, the air is smoky, yes, it is autumn! :)
I am tired now, I will be up early because on Sunday I either get up early to ensure I fast for the hour before communion or I have to skip breakfast. Skipping meals is not good.
Saturday Afternoon
Good afternoon,
I have to admit, I am bored.
I have been sorting through paperwork. That is all that is left in this spotless place to sort.
I have been out and about on my bike. I saw some people tentatively swimming in the sea. They will be weekend visitors, but my energy is low and I have quit sea swimming for the season.
Very sad. Will the diocese have killed me by next season?
Hope not, all that sea going to waste.
Nowhere to go, no phone credit to text friends, nothing to do, I went to the art centre but the lady was just going home, she gave me an apple.
Next week there is no art as she is away, but I have blood tests on art day anyway and then I will go to coffee morning instead.
Bored bored bored, skull out of. Waiting on death row for the diocese to finish me off.
I have to admit, I am bored.
I have been sorting through paperwork. That is all that is left in this spotless place to sort.
I have been out and about on my bike. I saw some people tentatively swimming in the sea. They will be weekend visitors, but my energy is low and I have quit sea swimming for the season.
Very sad. Will the diocese have killed me by next season?
Hope not, all that sea going to waste.
Nowhere to go, no phone credit to text friends, nothing to do, I went to the art centre but the lady was just going home, she gave me an apple.
Next week there is no art as she is away, but I have blood tests on art day anyway and then I will go to coffee morning instead.
Bored bored bored, skull out of. Waiting on death row for the diocese to finish me off.
Saturday Morning
Good morning,
I slept a troubled night, I must have been having night terrors because I got up for the loo in the night and put the light on, which I don't normally.
I slept again and dreamed a lot. Sad dreams, dreams about my old friend Juliet and her dog and her mum, and lots of other things.
I woke thinking I had overslept. But it was only 8am, which is not oversleeping, especially not on a Saturday.
I got up, drank tea, dressed, put the rent through and went for my morning bike ride.
The sea was mirror calm against a steel sky with no mist, pale sunshine lit the sea through gaps in the cloud, but it was so boring, like St. Aubins Bay, boring. Even the Great Hill looked boring in the pale sunshine, it is meant to be dark and brooding, and it is much more majestic than Noirmont, so there.
Home, the flat is tidy and another boring day, I think.
I slept a troubled night, I must have been having night terrors because I got up for the loo in the night and put the light on, which I don't normally.
I slept again and dreamed a lot. Sad dreams, dreams about my old friend Juliet and her dog and her mum, and lots of other things.
I woke thinking I had overslept. But it was only 8am, which is not oversleeping, especially not on a Saturday.
I got up, drank tea, dressed, put the rent through and went for my morning bike ride.
The sea was mirror calm against a steel sky with no mist, pale sunshine lit the sea through gaps in the cloud, but it was so boring, like St. Aubins Bay, boring. Even the Great Hill looked boring in the pale sunshine, it is meant to be dark and brooding, and it is much more majestic than Noirmont, so there.
Home, the flat is tidy and another boring day, I think.
Friday, 26 September 2014
Friday Afternoon
Good afternoon,
Well I waited until nearly 3pm for the oven to arrive and it didn't, by then I was stir crazy and too hot from indoors so I biked along the seafront and the sea looked too inviting so I swam.
I think sea swims are now over, it is too cold, not to mention embarassing being a lone swimmer.
Then I picked up some sea treasures. shells and stones.
I came home and had a bath and changed. All exercised, washed and sorted within an hour and a half.
Hm, light on the exercise due to having to wait in etc. And now when I most need to increase my exercise, I am so tired and sea swims have finished.
I wonder if I should use some of my DLA to top up my leisure card next week.
I see my stalkerstat has a sense of humour, possibly stolen from me. I never doubted but, haha.
I have been marthon Buffy-watching today, still am.
Well I waited until nearly 3pm for the oven to arrive and it didn't, by then I was stir crazy and too hot from indoors so I biked along the seafront and the sea looked too inviting so I swam.
I think sea swims are now over, it is too cold, not to mention embarassing being a lone swimmer.
Then I picked up some sea treasures. shells and stones.
I came home and had a bath and changed. All exercised, washed and sorted within an hour and a half.
Hm, light on the exercise due to having to wait in etc. And now when I most need to increase my exercise, I am so tired and sea swims have finished.
I wonder if I should use some of my DLA to top up my leisure card next week.
I see my stalkerstat has a sense of humour, possibly stolen from me. I never doubted but, haha.
I have been marthon Buffy-watching today, still am.
Friday Morning
Good morning,
Well I slept a patchy light sleep and lots of dreams.
Woke a bit late and got up feeling tired.
Went through the usual routines, and cleaned the microwave as there were exploded pilchards.
It is a cloudy, rainy day.
I am waiting in for the people with my oven to arrive.
Well I slept a patchy light sleep and lots of dreams.
Woke a bit late and got up feeling tired.
Went through the usual routines, and cleaned the microwave as there were exploded pilchards.
It is a cloudy, rainy day.
I am waiting in for the people with my oven to arrive.
Thursday, 25 September 2014
Thursday Evening
Good evening,
Well I went for my swim, the sea was cold but clear and calm.
It is getting too cold for swimming now but I can't afford the leisure centre at the moment.
I came home, and suddenly decided to re-arrange the flat.
I quite like the new arrangement of furniture :)
Then went for an evening bike ride before dark, the sea was flat with a far tide, boring.
I have been watching Buffy, had a bath, the flat just looks lovely and my housework is done.
I have been getting on with some work as well.
I did chicken pie for tea, it was hot but didn't taste of much, but it was donated and thus I must be grateful.
Well I went for my swim, the sea was cold but clear and calm.
It is getting too cold for swimming now but I can't afford the leisure centre at the moment.
I came home, and suddenly decided to re-arrange the flat.
I quite like the new arrangement of furniture :)
Then went for an evening bike ride before dark, the sea was flat with a far tide, boring.
I have been watching Buffy, had a bath, the flat just looks lovely and my housework is done.
I have been getting on with some work as well.
I did chicken pie for tea, it was hot but didn't taste of much, but it was donated and thus I must be grateful.
Thursday The Police
On the anniversary of the Diocese of Winchester destroying me, I have their private mafia, Hampshire Constabulary harassing me.
If I had known four years ago that the Diocese of Winchester and their private mafia would still be destroying me and leaving me in fear of beatings, death or imprisonment 4 years later then I would have commited suicide the day I landed back in the UK.
I am clinging onto my life by my fingertips because I love my home and my life despite living in fear and oppression.
If I had known four years ago that the Diocese of Winchester and their private mafia would still be destroying me and leaving me in fear of beatings, death or imprisonment 4 years later then I would have commited suicide the day I landed back in the UK.
I am clinging onto my life by my fingertips because I love my home and my life despite living in fear and oppression.
Thursday Lunchtime
Good lunchtime,
Well this morning I dragged myself wearily up the hill and sped down the other side to cafe church.
My friend was there and when I had read all the papers and realised there was no news, she got me knitting.
I used to do knitting in a similar church cafe last year, and although I was an am still a beginner, by the end of today's lesson I was knitting even little rows of green wool :)
After that I biked down the road to the supermarket to use my £5 food voucher, and then biked carefully home with a bag of groceries as I had forgotten my backpack.
Now with the sun out, the day looks good for a swim, one of the last ones maybe.
I cannot afford my leisure card at the moment, it is only £13.99 per month for as much swim and gym as I like, although I do not have permission for gym yet because of my back, but I would swim every day as usual. Just in a pool, not the sea.
The flat is tidy and so I am plodding on with my work.
Tired.
Well this morning I dragged myself wearily up the hill and sped down the other side to cafe church.
My friend was there and when I had read all the papers and realised there was no news, she got me knitting.
I used to do knitting in a similar church cafe last year, and although I was an am still a beginner, by the end of today's lesson I was knitting even little rows of green wool :)
After that I biked down the road to the supermarket to use my £5 food voucher, and then biked carefully home with a bag of groceries as I had forgotten my backpack.
Now with the sun out, the day looks good for a swim, one of the last ones maybe.
I cannot afford my leisure card at the moment, it is only £13.99 per month for as much swim and gym as I like, although I do not have permission for gym yet because of my back, but I would swim every day as usual. Just in a pool, not the sea.
The flat is tidy and so I am plodding on with my work.
Tired.
Thursday Morning
Good morning,
Yesterday evening I biked along the front and then watched Buffy. And did tuna and salad sandwich for tea.
I slept a good long night, and woke surprised that it was light, at 8am.
I had slept through the night but woke from dreams about the church, I dreamed my brother was phoning the diocese in dismay about the Steel report.
Funny isn't it? I got on ok with my family until the church of england destroyed me, and release of the Korris rubbish meant that I would never have hope of reconciliation.
Anyway, it is a lovely sunny day and I am about to go to cafe church to see all me pals.
Yesterday evening I biked along the front and then watched Buffy. And did tuna and salad sandwich for tea.
I slept a good long night, and woke surprised that it was light, at 8am.
I had slept through the night but woke from dreams about the church, I dreamed my brother was phoning the diocese in dismay about the Steel report.
Funny isn't it? I got on ok with my family until the church of england destroyed me, and release of the Korris rubbish meant that I would never have hope of reconciliation.
Anyway, it is a lovely sunny day and I am about to go to cafe church to see all me pals.
Wednesday, 24 September 2014
Wednesday Afternoon
Good afternoon,
Well this morning I set off for the lunch club I had been referred to.
It was hard not to expect the same thing as my usual lunh club, but I tried to warn myself that this lunch club would have other welfare cases like me, and possibly homeless people. I have to try and avoid rough sleepers because rough sleeping is an addiction and it is an addiction I will always have.
When I got there I was surprised to find no-one smoking outside and no one there except an old lady and a few staff.
The staff were very nice, they sat me with this old lady who silently disapproved of me, especially as I had come in all wet from cycling through the rain.
So it was a bit embarassing. They brought us a plate of hot dinner and said no-one else had turned up so we might have to eat some extra.
It was an embarassing silence unless the staff came out, and they assured me that usually a few more people came. To me it was a bit of a shock because my other lunch club is always packed, with over a hundred people there.
Anyway the food was good but we did end up with seconds. Three more people came in, making us five for the meal and three staff and one dog.
The staff were nice but I was at a loss.
After the meal I was feeling sleepy, as I am when I get a full meal, as I am not used to it and really I had eaten too much, which isn't great, but I do not officially start watching my eating and what I eat until next monday, when I have an oven and can cook healthily.
I biked home along the bay, the tide was still in and smacking the wall but the rain had stopped so people were out, it had been deserted on the way down.
I got home, so tired, I fell into bed and slept for a few hours, light and troubled sleep full of terrors and dreams.
It is a nice evening but I am tired and muzzy. I am listening to an old favourite, this song is fun because of the duet at the front and the Pogues and Dubliners duelling in the background. I miss Ronnie Drew: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHDX9qb2-BQ
The other thing is, Sam Mezec's speech about the Dean of Jersey on my other blog, it illustrates what I always say about church and state, I can never word it so well, not fair that other people can.
Well this morning I set off for the lunch club I had been referred to.
It was hard not to expect the same thing as my usual lunh club, but I tried to warn myself that this lunch club would have other welfare cases like me, and possibly homeless people. I have to try and avoid rough sleepers because rough sleeping is an addiction and it is an addiction I will always have.
When I got there I was surprised to find no-one smoking outside and no one there except an old lady and a few staff.
The staff were very nice, they sat me with this old lady who silently disapproved of me, especially as I had come in all wet from cycling through the rain.
So it was a bit embarassing. They brought us a plate of hot dinner and said no-one else had turned up so we might have to eat some extra.
It was an embarassing silence unless the staff came out, and they assured me that usually a few more people came. To me it was a bit of a shock because my other lunch club is always packed, with over a hundred people there.
Anyway the food was good but we did end up with seconds. Three more people came in, making us five for the meal and three staff and one dog.
The staff were nice but I was at a loss.
After the meal I was feeling sleepy, as I am when I get a full meal, as I am not used to it and really I had eaten too much, which isn't great, but I do not officially start watching my eating and what I eat until next monday, when I have an oven and can cook healthily.
I biked home along the bay, the tide was still in and smacking the wall but the rain had stopped so people were out, it had been deserted on the way down.
I got home, so tired, I fell into bed and slept for a few hours, light and troubled sleep full of terrors and dreams.
It is a nice evening but I am tired and muzzy. I am listening to an old favourite, this song is fun because of the duet at the front and the Pogues and Dubliners duelling in the background. I miss Ronnie Drew: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHDX9qb2-BQ
The other thing is, Sam Mezec's speech about the Dean of Jersey on my other blog, it illustrates what I always say about church and state, I can never word it so well, not fair that other people can.
Wednesday Morning
Good morning,
Well I slept reasonably well until just before 6am.
I woke from nightmares about Jane Fisher and the police.
I was hot and I needed the loo and I couldn't get back to sleep.
So I got up, went to the loo and put the kettle on.
Then I dressed and went for a bike ride.
There was a notice in the hall, notices usually mean a spat about the bins or something, but it was just my neighbour reminding everyone to come to her cake sale at work.
She doesn't know I have no money, so I hope I don't offend her by not turning up.
I biked along the bay, the sunrise was angry yellow against blue clouds, the sea was calm, half tide. There is no mist today, it is cool and cloudy, it is due to rain. It rained in the night.
Well I slept reasonably well until just before 6am.
I woke from nightmares about Jane Fisher and the police.
I was hot and I needed the loo and I couldn't get back to sleep.
So I got up, went to the loo and put the kettle on.
Then I dressed and went for a bike ride.
There was a notice in the hall, notices usually mean a spat about the bins or something, but it was just my neighbour reminding everyone to come to her cake sale at work.
She doesn't know I have no money, so I hope I don't offend her by not turning up.
I biked along the bay, the sunrise was angry yellow against blue clouds, the sea was calm, half tide. There is no mist today, it is cool and cloudy, it is due to rain. It rained in the night.
Tuesday, 23 September 2014
Tuesday evening
Good evening,
I am nearly ready for sleep. There is a buzzy thing buzzing round my flat, how rude of it.
I came home from the swim thinking I would sleep, but I remained wide awake so I sat in bed and watched Buffy.
Then I got up, went for a bike ride, beautiful evening and sunset and nice and cold.
I came home and gave the flat it's thorough clean. It all sparkles now.
The box that ambushes me from the wardrobe top has gone out in the recycling, along with newpapers and other stuff.
I took the rubbish out and walked, it is a cold clear night.
Now I am sitting here in my pyjamas, which look more like pyjamas than the ones I was deported in.
My neighbour has been busy baking as she has a cake sale at work tomorrow, I didn't have the heart to tell her that I cannot come and buy as I have no money spare for cakes.
I am nearly ready for sleep. There is a buzzy thing buzzing round my flat, how rude of it.
I came home from the swim thinking I would sleep, but I remained wide awake so I sat in bed and watched Buffy.
Then I got up, went for a bike ride, beautiful evening and sunset and nice and cold.
I came home and gave the flat it's thorough clean. It all sparkles now.
The box that ambushes me from the wardrobe top has gone out in the recycling, along with newpapers and other stuff.
I took the rubbish out and walked, it is a cold clear night.
Now I am sitting here in my pyjamas, which look more like pyjamas than the ones I was deported in.
My neighbour has been busy baking as she has a cake sale at work tomorrow, I didn't have the heart to tell her that I cannot come and buy as I have no money spare for cakes.
Tuesday Afternoon 2
Good afternoon,
Well I was going to bike over to craft, but I was weary and the hill looked steep, but the sea looked cool, calm and inviting, and the tide was in, so I wandered into the sea for a cool calm swim.
As it is getting colder, fewer people are swimming.
I came home, and am now in bed because I am tired, but I couldn't sleep so I will sit here watching movies and this evening I will clean the flat and have an early night.
Well I was going to bike over to craft, but I was weary and the hill looked steep, but the sea looked cool, calm and inviting, and the tide was in, so I wandered into the sea for a cool calm swim.
As it is getting colder, fewer people are swimming.
I came home, and am now in bed because I am tired, but I couldn't sleep so I will sit here watching movies and this evening I will clean the flat and have an early night.
Tuesday Lunchtime
Good lunchtime,
I went to art class. I did not draw voluptuous nudes, I sketched a still life and coloured it in with pastels.
I was allowed to bring it home.
After art class I went to look for clothes in the £1 sale at the chattery shop, but I did not find anything suitable, but some people came in with a teeny sweet puppy that everyone made a fuss of.
I got a candle for 20p, I like to have a candle burning in the house. I am almost out of money, but I went and looked in the supermarket to find something for lunch, and there was a macaroni cheese winking at me from the reduced section, so I kidnapped it, I also spent one of my precious pounds on some mouthwash, after all, if I am about to starve to death, I would like to die all hygenic and with sweet breath.
I am sitting here looking at an ominous sky and wondering if I am going to bike up to my friend's craft club or not, I am tired already.
I went to art class. I did not draw voluptuous nudes, I sketched a still life and coloured it in with pastels.
I was allowed to bring it home.
After art class I went to look for clothes in the £1 sale at the chattery shop, but I did not find anything suitable, but some people came in with a teeny sweet puppy that everyone made a fuss of.
I got a candle for 20p, I like to have a candle burning in the house. I am almost out of money, but I went and looked in the supermarket to find something for lunch, and there was a macaroni cheese winking at me from the reduced section, so I kidnapped it, I also spent one of my precious pounds on some mouthwash, after all, if I am about to starve to death, I would like to die all hygenic and with sweet breath.
I am sitting here looking at an ominous sky and wondering if I am going to bike up to my friend's craft club or not, I am tired already.
Tuesday Morning
Good morning,
Well after a troubled night, I woke from sad and vivid dreams at 4.30am, tried to settle to sleep, couldn't, so got up at 5am and began writing letters.
It was a cold clear night when got up, bright stars shining, but now it is a misty dawn, the mist is hiding the hills and the sky is red with dawn, it is almost light enough for a bike ride, so I will dress and head out.
Continued:
I went for my bike ride. Oh I feel sorry for those who do not get to do this.
Early morning, mist over the sea and hills, a red sun rising out of the mist, cold smoky autumn air, peaceful quiet miles of sea gently breaking on the sand. A few quiet people out walking, mainly with dogs, and miles of empty quiet space.
Beautiful.
What a blessing.
Some people never get to see this.
I stayed out, biking the front and the car parks and stopping to just look at the scenery.
The mist lifted off the Great Hill but is still lying on the eastern hills. I don't like the Great Hill to be hidden too much by mist or rain, but at least this is real autumn mist, not the horrible smog of recent times, and this mist will lift as the day goes on. The sun is shining into my room and the migratory starlings are gossiping noisily on the telegraph wires.
Well after a troubled night, I woke from sad and vivid dreams at 4.30am, tried to settle to sleep, couldn't, so got up at 5am and began writing letters.
It was a cold clear night when got up, bright stars shining, but now it is a misty dawn, the mist is hiding the hills and the sky is red with dawn, it is almost light enough for a bike ride, so I will dress and head out.
Continued:
I went for my bike ride. Oh I feel sorry for those who do not get to do this.
Early morning, mist over the sea and hills, a red sun rising out of the mist, cold smoky autumn air, peaceful quiet miles of sea gently breaking on the sand. A few quiet people out walking, mainly with dogs, and miles of empty quiet space.
Beautiful.
What a blessing.
Some people never get to see this.
I stayed out, biking the front and the car parks and stopping to just look at the scenery.
The mist lifted off the Great Hill but is still lying on the eastern hills. I don't like the Great Hill to be hidden too much by mist or rain, but at least this is real autumn mist, not the horrible smog of recent times, and this mist will lift as the day goes on. The sun is shining into my room and the migratory starlings are gossiping noisily on the telegraph wires.
Monday, 22 September 2014
Monday Night
Good evening,
Well, settling back to normal now.
I have just got back from something.
Because my asthma is real bad, I got a referral to health and fitness group which will help me get fitter and lose some weight to help my asthma, which is good, because I wanted that referral, and so I went along to that this evening, and some of it was boring, but in the long run it will help, although as I wait to be destroyed by the diocese again, the long run is hard to imagine, all I can do is live now and keep working on my health, even as I expect to be destroyed, a bit like a prisoner on death row doing the same.
I was treated so nicely at the group, and as always, when I am treated kindly, it reminds me that I am branded for life by the Diocese and I don't 'deserve' kindness, and if these people find out when the whitewash reports are released, I will be shunned.
I was anxious as it was getting dark at the end and it is a few miles away and my bike has no lights, I cannot afford lights, but I need them, I scooted home on the pavement and hoped for the best.
You know how in the countryside it is cold at night and as you bike into the town you feel the heat of the town, it is weirdly noticeable.
Anyway, got home and I am tired, I want an early night. I have various pains and things that are side effects of fibromyalgia, I find sitting for such a long time hard, and my back is killing me.
My back is becoming an increasing problem, so I think I need to go in before my next appointment.
It is a proper autumn night out there, cold, clear and smoky, God has blessed me to live to see the autumn arrive, and I am grateful.
This is a busy week. Tomorrow I have art and I want to start making something for my friends. I can go to craft in the afternoon as well if I want, cos my friends run that. Then my friends are doing a sale on Wednesday and I have been referred to another lunch club for Wednesday, then on Thursday I will be able to go to the new cafe church, I had to miss it last week due to having to wait in for a parcel. Then on Friday some lovely people are bringing me a little oven so I can start cooking healthily (when I can afford food).
Busybusy.
Well, settling back to normal now.
I have just got back from something.
Because my asthma is real bad, I got a referral to health and fitness group which will help me get fitter and lose some weight to help my asthma, which is good, because I wanted that referral, and so I went along to that this evening, and some of it was boring, but in the long run it will help, although as I wait to be destroyed by the diocese again, the long run is hard to imagine, all I can do is live now and keep working on my health, even as I expect to be destroyed, a bit like a prisoner on death row doing the same.
I was treated so nicely at the group, and as always, when I am treated kindly, it reminds me that I am branded for life by the Diocese and I don't 'deserve' kindness, and if these people find out when the whitewash reports are released, I will be shunned.
I was anxious as it was getting dark at the end and it is a few miles away and my bike has no lights, I cannot afford lights, but I need them, I scooted home on the pavement and hoped for the best.
You know how in the countryside it is cold at night and as you bike into the town you feel the heat of the town, it is weirdly noticeable.
Anyway, got home and I am tired, I want an early night. I have various pains and things that are side effects of fibromyalgia, I find sitting for such a long time hard, and my back is killing me.
My back is becoming an increasing problem, so I think I need to go in before my next appointment.
It is a proper autumn night out there, cold, clear and smoky, God has blessed me to live to see the autumn arrive, and I am grateful.
This is a busy week. Tomorrow I have art and I want to start making something for my friends. I can go to craft in the afternoon as well if I want, cos my friends run that. Then my friends are doing a sale on Wednesday and I have been referred to another lunch club for Wednesday, then on Thursday I will be able to go to the new cafe church, I had to miss it last week due to having to wait in for a parcel. Then on Friday some lovely people are bringing me a little oven so I can start cooking healthily (when I can afford food).
Busybusy.
Monday Afternoon
Good afternoon,
Well I waited in for someone who came to see me, we drank coffee and talked.
Then when my visitor had gone, I put my swim things on and went for a swim. I swam from the road end wall, the sea was cool and calm, good for a swim, the sun shining but the temperature down a bit now, at least the mist and horrible muggyness has gone. The sun shine is due to last but the temperatures are dropping towards autumn now.
I am listening to my train song to cheer me up https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3tlCqqg7lw
People should often think about trains, I do.
I see VoiceforChildren's blog is a very confusing debate about Sam Mezec's views, it seems to be about the Dean but I cannot quite grasp the argument, especially in the comments section. It's beyond my ability.
Well I waited in for someone who came to see me, we drank coffee and talked.
Then when my visitor had gone, I put my swim things on and went for a swim. I swam from the road end wall, the sea was cool and calm, good for a swim, the sun shining but the temperature down a bit now, at least the mist and horrible muggyness has gone. The sun shine is due to last but the temperatures are dropping towards autumn now.
I am listening to my train song to cheer me up https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3tlCqqg7lw
People should often think about trains, I do.
I see VoiceforChildren's blog is a very confusing debate about Sam Mezec's views, it seems to be about the Dean but I cannot quite grasp the argument, especially in the comments section. It's beyond my ability.
Monday Morning
Good morning,
Usually Monday Morning is a drag, because I expect onslaught.
But this morning was worse, because I struggled to sleep last night and had a night of nightmares, and although I woke early, I just couldn't bear to get up, no stupor, no pain, just didn't want to face a world that has been so violently violated by the church through Bob Hill.
Eventually I got up and because I am not ill, just very low and distressed, I have walked through my routines and am fed and dressed with a tidy house and the swim things that should have been hung out yesterday were hung out just now, not ideal but I can't swim until this afternoon anyway as I have to wait in until 1pm for someone.
I have a new person living on my ceiling, it is not the small black spider that I questioned about living arrangements and who has hidden ever since, it is a big buzzy thing, I think they are called combine harvesters.
I must write a belated card to my friend.
Usually Monday Morning is a drag, because I expect onslaught.
But this morning was worse, because I struggled to sleep last night and had a night of nightmares, and although I woke early, I just couldn't bear to get up, no stupor, no pain, just didn't want to face a world that has been so violently violated by the church through Bob Hill.
Eventually I got up and because I am not ill, just very low and distressed, I have walked through my routines and am fed and dressed with a tidy house and the swim things that should have been hung out yesterday were hung out just now, not ideal but I can't swim until this afternoon anyway as I have to wait in until 1pm for someone.
I have a new person living on my ceiling, it is not the small black spider that I questioned about living arrangements and who has hidden ever since, it is a big buzzy thing, I think they are called combine harvesters.
I must write a belated card to my friend.
Sunday, 21 September 2014
Sunday Night
4 years on, and having continued to rebuild myself and my life, I am being provoked by Bob Hill.
I have had a collapse because he has told BBC Jersey a pack of lies and they have published it as fact.
The best advice I have had all evening is to ignore Bob Hill. Better than him provoking me to fury and using it against me, but I feel very ill indeed now.
I have had a collapse because he has told BBC Jersey a pack of lies and they have published it as fact.
The best advice I have had all evening is to ignore Bob Hill. Better than him provoking me to fury and using it against me, but I feel very ill indeed now.
Sunday evening
Good evening,
I am sitting here, all bathed and clean. I am happy to see that the mist has lifted and the sky over the hills is cold clear blue.
I see the press and a so-called human-rights activist are shooting their mouths off about my case again,
the thing is, Mr Hill, I can't move on when you, who failed me as a mediator, keeps dragging my case into the press and mediator, and how can I have closure from a series of defamatory inaccurate reports and blogs, a smear campaign from hell and no justice at all, when you keep my case in the press without my permission?
I am sitting here, all bathed and clean. I am happy to see that the mist has lifted and the sky over the hills is cold clear blue.
I see the press and a so-called human-rights activist are shooting their mouths off about my case again,
the thing is, Mr Hill, I can't move on when you, who failed me as a mediator, keeps dragging my case into the press and mediator, and how can I have closure from a series of defamatory inaccurate reports and blogs, a smear campaign from hell and no justice at all, when you keep my case in the press without my permission?
Sunday Afternoon
Good afternoon,
I fell out of bed this morning, thanks to a bang going bang just as I was dozing off again, which is good because I would have been late for church otherwise.
I had slept well and was not groggy or in pain, so I wandered through a cup of tea and into clothes and onto my bike, and arrived at church, sat with my people and tried to pay attention and not start giggling about Naked Gun 3, because that is Not The Done Thing in church. I had to wait till no-one was looking after church and then fell about laughing :)
A long church morning, all good. Hard to concentrate sometimes because I was doing a church of england cartoon in my head. Up front is the preacher, telling the story of the rich man building his barns, and there is the wealthy old congregation collectively thinking 'That doesn't apply to me!' and possibly God standing there saying 'Yes it does!'.
Anyway, as you may surmise, it was a morning when church was causing flashbacks and distress but nonetheless I came to no harm, and then there was a harvest lunch, not the same church as last week, so there is the benefit of being multi-church.
It was a nice lunch, with good company, in fact me and my churchpeople had a table all to ourselves because this was a small lunch compared to last week.
I biked down the cliffs and it was hot and sunny and the sea looked very inviting, but by the time I got home, changed and chatted to the lesser-spotted landlady as she gathered me a tub of tomatoes, the sun went in, the tide was ebbing and the sea was choppy, nonetheless, people were swimming, and I swam off the stone wall. It was hard work. Too choppy, but I have to persevere, even with the exercises, I hope eventually to have another go at having my pelvis put back in place and I hope the exercises are helping.
I am watching naked gun 3 again.
I fell out of bed this morning, thanks to a bang going bang just as I was dozing off again, which is good because I would have been late for church otherwise.
I had slept well and was not groggy or in pain, so I wandered through a cup of tea and into clothes and onto my bike, and arrived at church, sat with my people and tried to pay attention and not start giggling about Naked Gun 3, because that is Not The Done Thing in church. I had to wait till no-one was looking after church and then fell about laughing :)
A long church morning, all good. Hard to concentrate sometimes because I was doing a church of england cartoon in my head. Up front is the preacher, telling the story of the rich man building his barns, and there is the wealthy old congregation collectively thinking 'That doesn't apply to me!' and possibly God standing there saying 'Yes it does!'.
Anyway, as you may surmise, it was a morning when church was causing flashbacks and distress but nonetheless I came to no harm, and then there was a harvest lunch, not the same church as last week, so there is the benefit of being multi-church.
It was a nice lunch, with good company, in fact me and my churchpeople had a table all to ourselves because this was a small lunch compared to last week.
I biked down the cliffs and it was hot and sunny and the sea looked very inviting, but by the time I got home, changed and chatted to the lesser-spotted landlady as she gathered me a tub of tomatoes, the sun went in, the tide was ebbing and the sea was choppy, nonetheless, people were swimming, and I swam off the stone wall. It was hard work. Too choppy, but I have to persevere, even with the exercises, I hope eventually to have another go at having my pelvis put back in place and I hope the exercises are helping.
I am watching naked gun 3 again.
Saturday, 20 September 2014
Saturday Night
Good evening,
After lunch I went boredly biking around. I ended up at the art centre, talking to the lady there, because she knows a lot about autism, special needs and awful benefit and medical systems.
So I chatted to the art lady, and I wondered, why do I gravitate towards these places? I am not arty, but those of you who remember, I used to love hanging out at the gallery and with my arty people, and I was broken hearted when the gallery closed down.
I have never got over it.
Anyway, I stayed there, watching the lady work on things and I asked her if I could do a new artwork project for my friends, as a present, so I will start that on Tuesday as I am bored with drawing.
Then I went to the shop and got enough food for supper.
Then I put the rubbish out and went to the beach for an evening swim.
It had been a hot day, but with a far tide, so with the tide in for the evening and a calm sea that other people were also enjoying for swimming, I dived in and had a vigerous swim, cold and calm sea but the mist still lurking.
I came home and started the housework and put 'The Naked Gun 3' on to watch, I am sitting here and I cannot believe it is 7.20pm and it is dark!
After lunch I went boredly biking around. I ended up at the art centre, talking to the lady there, because she knows a lot about autism, special needs and awful benefit and medical systems.
So I chatted to the art lady, and I wondered, why do I gravitate towards these places? I am not arty, but those of you who remember, I used to love hanging out at the gallery and with my arty people, and I was broken hearted when the gallery closed down.
I have never got over it.
Anyway, I stayed there, watching the lady work on things and I asked her if I could do a new artwork project for my friends, as a present, so I will start that on Tuesday as I am bored with drawing.
Then I went to the shop and got enough food for supper.
Then I put the rubbish out and went to the beach for an evening swim.
It had been a hot day, but with a far tide, so with the tide in for the evening and a calm sea that other people were also enjoying for swimming, I dived in and had a vigerous swim, cold and calm sea but the mist still lurking.
I came home and started the housework and put 'The Naked Gun 3' on to watch, I am sitting here and I cannot believe it is 7.20pm and it is dark!
Saturday Morning
Good morning,
Well I slept a long night with vivid dreams and nightmares, I don't want to write them down.
I woke to the sound of foghorns as it is very foggy.
I am in relapse but it is mild at the moment so I am up and about but tired and depressed.
Well I slept a long night with vivid dreams and nightmares, I don't want to write them down.
I woke to the sound of foghorns as it is very foggy.
I am in relapse but it is mild at the moment so I am up and about but tired and depressed.
Friday, 19 September 2014
Friday Evening
Good evening,
Well I felt ill most of the day from waking up, tired, painful, as usual these symptoms eased in the afternoon.
I went to the library and did a bit of reading, biked around, watched mulberry, I am just halfway through season 2.
This evening I biked up to the sea wall. There was a couple visiting the area who excitedly told me there was a seal playing in the bay and playing with the paddle boarders.
I told them we get lone migratory seals stopping here for a rest, but we watched for the seal and didn't see it.
I continued biking around.
Later I saw the seal swimming merrily around, too far out for a photo.
I hate that the mist sits on the hills and over the sea without moving at the moment, and everything is muggy, which is not good for me.
Continued:
This evening there seemed to be a lightning storm over the sea, but the mist was coming down thick, now I can only just see the lights on the industrial estate, blurry in the mist, the mist is more of a fog, it is in close and thick, it made the lightning look strange.
I am struggling with distress because of the work I have been doing on what happened in Jersey, but I have finished it, so that is good.
A lot of young people seem to be drunk and out and about this evening, too young.
Well I felt ill most of the day from waking up, tired, painful, as usual these symptoms eased in the afternoon.
I went to the library and did a bit of reading, biked around, watched mulberry, I am just halfway through season 2.
This evening I biked up to the sea wall. There was a couple visiting the area who excitedly told me there was a seal playing in the bay and playing with the paddle boarders.
I told them we get lone migratory seals stopping here for a rest, but we watched for the seal and didn't see it.
I continued biking around.
Later I saw the seal swimming merrily around, too far out for a photo.
I hate that the mist sits on the hills and over the sea without moving at the moment, and everything is muggy, which is not good for me.
Continued:
This evening there seemed to be a lightning storm over the sea, but the mist was coming down thick, now I can only just see the lights on the industrial estate, blurry in the mist, the mist is more of a fog, it is in close and thick, it made the lightning look strange.
I am struggling with distress because of the work I have been doing on what happened in Jersey, but I have finished it, so that is good.
A lot of young people seem to be drunk and out and about this evening, too young.
Friday Morning
Good morning,
I was very tired last night, having done so much and survived a doctor's appointment, so I went to bed early and slept straight away, I slept through the night but it was shallow sleep with endless dreams.
I dreamed about Christmas with my family, I dreamed of the terrible place where we used to live, and that dream went on and on, and I dreamed of Southampton a lot as well.
My last dream was about tropical frogs and plants, bizarre and random.
I am awake, my lungs hurt from the new meds and my neck is seized up from the trauma of yesterday.
It is a grey day, the hills are hidden in cloud and it has obviously rained hard in the night.
I was very tired last night, having done so much and survived a doctor's appointment, so I went to bed early and slept straight away, I slept through the night but it was shallow sleep with endless dreams.
I dreamed about Christmas with my family, I dreamed of the terrible place where we used to live, and that dream went on and on, and I dreamed of Southampton a lot as well.
My last dream was about tropical frogs and plants, bizarre and random.
I am awake, my lungs hurt from the new meds and my neck is seized up from the trauma of yesterday.
It is a grey day, the hills are hidden in cloud and it has obviously rained hard in the night.
Thursday, 18 September 2014
Thursday Evening
Good evening,
I can see that updates are being slavered for, so I will update.
I thoroughly enjoyed my thunderstorm this morning although thunder made the recordings a bit tricky.
I plugged on with work, washed my hair and when the thunderstorm had stopped, I headed out to lunch club, I biked up there and we had a good lunch, hot quiche and potatoes with salad, and strawberry cake for pudding. We also had the quiz, and although I answered questions, I did not stay for the results, as I had to get on with work and send it off, and then I had my medical.
The outcome of the medical, well, after so many years, I have a thorough doctor, who checked out my breathing, changed my asthma meds and regime completely and did some referrals and also ordered a battery of blood tests. It is possible that there is a diagnosis in the pipeline at last, a rediagnosis.
I was tired at the end, today has been traumatic, the work I have done has been traumatic and of course I am on the verge of flashbacks, but then seeing a doctor is always also traumatic for me, so now it is all done, I need to relax and find more helpful things to think about.
I am going to bike down to the sea in a minute and watch some waves being wet and foamy.
I can see that updates are being slavered for, so I will update.
I thoroughly enjoyed my thunderstorm this morning although thunder made the recordings a bit tricky.
I plugged on with work, washed my hair and when the thunderstorm had stopped, I headed out to lunch club, I biked up there and we had a good lunch, hot quiche and potatoes with salad, and strawberry cake for pudding. We also had the quiz, and although I answered questions, I did not stay for the results, as I had to get on with work and send it off, and then I had my medical.
The outcome of the medical, well, after so many years, I have a thorough doctor, who checked out my breathing, changed my asthma meds and regime completely and did some referrals and also ordered a battery of blood tests. It is possible that there is a diagnosis in the pipeline at last, a rediagnosis.
I was tired at the end, today has been traumatic, the work I have done has been traumatic and of course I am on the verge of flashbacks, but then seeing a doctor is always also traumatic for me, so now it is all done, I need to relax and find more helpful things to think about.
I am going to bike down to the sea in a minute and watch some waves being wet and foamy.
Thursday Morning
Good morning,
Well it was late when I got to bed, I had been working hard.
The work I was doing was traumatic and so I was sure my sleep would be disrupted.
I slept lightly and dreamed a lot but not in any distress.
I had to get up for the loo at one point and only slept lightly after that.
I dreamed a funny dream in the end before waking, that myself and Denver Elle and Neil McMurray and others from Jersey were gathered and telling jokes.
One of Neil's jokes was hilarious but unrepeatable and genuinely I have no idea where it came from, and at One Point Ian LeMarquand was sitting there and we said to him 'Hows justice these days Ian, oh, you wouldn't know!' and we fell about laughing.
Weird.
It is 7.20am and the sunrise started dull orange and now the sun is a bright yellow ball and is lighting the room as I type, while the hills are hidden in mist.
Time for an early bike ride I think.
Today I have lunch club, first one after summer, and I also have a medical this afternoon.
continued:
Well I put the washing on and went for a bike ride in the misty morning with the tide in. I came back and put the washing out and got on with work and all of a sudden it was raining and thunder was crashing. So cool, I just had to update you and tell you that! :) Thunderstorm!
Well it was late when I got to bed, I had been working hard.
The work I was doing was traumatic and so I was sure my sleep would be disrupted.
I slept lightly and dreamed a lot but not in any distress.
I had to get up for the loo at one point and only slept lightly after that.
I dreamed a funny dream in the end before waking, that myself and Denver Elle and Neil McMurray and others from Jersey were gathered and telling jokes.
One of Neil's jokes was hilarious but unrepeatable and genuinely I have no idea where it came from, and at One Point Ian LeMarquand was sitting there and we said to him 'Hows justice these days Ian, oh, you wouldn't know!' and we fell about laughing.
Weird.
It is 7.20am and the sunrise started dull orange and now the sun is a bright yellow ball and is lighting the room as I type, while the hills are hidden in mist.
Time for an early bike ride I think.
Today I have lunch club, first one after summer, and I also have a medical this afternoon.
continued:
Well I put the washing on and went for a bike ride in the misty morning with the tide in. I came back and put the washing out and got on with work and all of a sudden it was raining and thunder was crashing. So cool, I just had to update you and tell you that! :) Thunderstorm!
Wednesday, 17 September 2014
Wednesday Afternoon
Good afternoon,
Well I have had a busy time, I am tired now.
This morning I was working on deep cleaning the flat while putting as much rubbish out for the dustmen as possible, then someone came to see me briefly, which was very helpful.
Then I used some vouchers to do some shopping.
Then I went for my swim.
The surf was heavy and breaking far out, so it was hard to get through it for a swim. I remembered from when I was sailing, never argue with the sea. But it was ok when I got through the surf, I used a bit of energy through.
The sea was steel grey under the low cloud and mist but the sun was shining through the cloud and mist so it was warm and the sea was an interesting colour.
I biked home, dressed and went back out, had to go to the post office and then bike up to the next town.
It is uphill to the next town and it was hard work, I have definitely completed my exercise quota today! But the journey back was downhill or flat, biking easily along the seafront and stopping to look at the sea as the tide was in and the surf still heavy, it is rocks and seaweed down there, unlike the sand we have here.
I just got home now and have cooked some food as I have not eaten much.
Well I have had a busy time, I am tired now.
This morning I was working on deep cleaning the flat while putting as much rubbish out for the dustmen as possible, then someone came to see me briefly, which was very helpful.
Then I used some vouchers to do some shopping.
Then I went for my swim.
The surf was heavy and breaking far out, so it was hard to get through it for a swim. I remembered from when I was sailing, never argue with the sea. But it was ok when I got through the surf, I used a bit of energy through.
The sea was steel grey under the low cloud and mist but the sun was shining through the cloud and mist so it was warm and the sea was an interesting colour.
I biked home, dressed and went back out, had to go to the post office and then bike up to the next town.
It is uphill to the next town and it was hard work, I have definitely completed my exercise quota today! But the journey back was downhill or flat, biking easily along the seafront and stopping to look at the sea as the tide was in and the surf still heavy, it is rocks and seaweed down there, unlike the sand we have here.
I just got home now and have cooked some food as I have not eaten much.
Wednesday Morning
Good morning,
Well last night I was tired by 7pm, it is too easy for me to overdo my swimming and get tired, so I sat in bed watching films, and eventually drifted to sleep.
I had a troubled night, dreaming repetitive dreams about Jersey, especially moving back there, which I would never do, and all sorts of weird and disturbing dreams.
My sleep was patchy and I was up during the night needing the loo.
I woke at 8am and got up, it is another warm sunny day, but breezy, the hills are shrouded in mist, I have not been out yet as I am waiting in for someone. But I have had a bath and had a text message from someone who has found me a small counter top oven that I can have :) Those who don't know, I am annoyingly reliant on a microwave and I want to cook things like meat and eggs and I can't. Ready meals get boring and are not good for you. And my concentration levels are such now that I can use an oven as long as I put a 'check it's off' notice on it.
In Jersey I burned things because I could not focus, but now I may be able to cook properly, because I have got better despite the best efforts of the Diocese of Winchester to destroy me.
Well last night I was tired by 7pm, it is too easy for me to overdo my swimming and get tired, so I sat in bed watching films, and eventually drifted to sleep.
I had a troubled night, dreaming repetitive dreams about Jersey, especially moving back there, which I would never do, and all sorts of weird and disturbing dreams.
My sleep was patchy and I was up during the night needing the loo.
I woke at 8am and got up, it is another warm sunny day, but breezy, the hills are shrouded in mist, I have not been out yet as I am waiting in for someone. But I have had a bath and had a text message from someone who has found me a small counter top oven that I can have :) Those who don't know, I am annoyingly reliant on a microwave and I want to cook things like meat and eggs and I can't. Ready meals get boring and are not good for you. And my concentration levels are such now that I can use an oven as long as I put a 'check it's off' notice on it.
In Jersey I burned things because I could not focus, but now I may be able to cook properly, because I have got better despite the best efforts of the Diocese of Winchester to destroy me.
Tuesday, 16 September 2014
Tuesday evening
Good evening,
Well I went and had my swim, the days are so warm, I need a swim to cool down.
The sea was again calm enough for a good swim but with enough surf to make it challenging.
I came home, did some work. Went for a bike ride, sat on the road end wall watching the surf break at full tide, beautiful.
Came home again, did fish and rice for supper and am tired, so I am in bed watching films on my laptop.
Well I went and had my swim, the days are so warm, I need a swim to cool down.
The sea was again calm enough for a good swim but with enough surf to make it challenging.
I came home, did some work. Went for a bike ride, sat on the road end wall watching the surf break at full tide, beautiful.
Came home again, did fish and rice for supper and am tired, so I am in bed watching films on my laptop.
Tuesday lunchtime, oops posted on the wrong blog
Good lunchtime.
Well I had a patchy night's sleep.
I was not really fully asleep in the early morning and nearly got up at 5am.
I finally got up at about 8am, rousing myself from waking dreams about lawnmowers and bees. Humph, those bees were not very kind to me.
I also dreamed I contacted Jersey's judicial giraffe, and woke wondering if I should do so.
I looked at the computer, drank tea, realised it was art day, searched in vain for my art materials and scooted down to art class.
I wanted to draw a church but we couldn't find any, so I drew half an elephant, a quarter of a unicorn and an Italian chapel.
Came home for homous and cucumber sandwiches for lunch.
Meanwhile at Wolvsely:
Well I had a patchy night's sleep.
I was not really fully asleep in the early morning and nearly got up at 5am.
I finally got up at about 8am, rousing myself from waking dreams about lawnmowers and bees. Humph, those bees were not very kind to me.
I also dreamed I contacted Jersey's judicial giraffe, and woke wondering if I should do so.
I looked at the computer, drank tea, realised it was art day, searched in vain for my art materials and scooted down to art class.
I wanted to draw a church but we couldn't find any, so I drew half an elephant, a quarter of a unicorn and an Italian chapel.
Came home for homous and cucumber sandwiches for lunch.
Meanwhile at Wolvsely:
Monday, 15 September 2014
Monday Night
Good evening,
The usual bike ride, walk, rubbish and washing out.
Working on transcripts, which have brought bad memories back, hence a bit of posting on the blogs.
The usual bike ride, walk, rubbish and washing out.
Working on transcripts, which have brought bad memories back, hence a bit of posting on the blogs.
Monday Afternoon
Well this morning my visitors arrived, interviewed me and got me a few groceries.
They have offered to bring me a bag of groceries each week and try to get me some clothes.
Kind.
So I had beans on toast for lunch as my energy was low, I wondered how I would even bike up the hill to the surgery but I did ok, I got my prescription, and the doctor had put two inhalers, he is generous like that, so I am ok for meds.
I biked down to the sea, biked up and down and decided to swim off the road end wall, the sea was calm compared to how choppy it has been and so I had a good swim. A few other people were swimming but just me in my part of the sea. It is my big swimming pool and I will be sad to return to leisure centre swimming in the autumn, the leisure centre pools are not so big.
It is cloudy but warm, the sea was warm and calm, lovely.
They have offered to bring me a bag of groceries each week and try to get me some clothes.
Kind.
So I had beans on toast for lunch as my energy was low, I wondered how I would even bike up the hill to the surgery but I did ok, I got my prescription, and the doctor had put two inhalers, he is generous like that, so I am ok for meds.
I biked down to the sea, biked up and down and decided to swim off the road end wall, the sea was calm compared to how choppy it has been and so I had a good swim. A few other people were swimming but just me in my part of the sea. It is my big swimming pool and I will be sad to return to leisure centre swimming in the autumn, the leisure centre pools are not so big.
It is cloudy but warm, the sea was warm and calm, lovely.
Monday Morning
Good morning,
Well last night I went to bed, slept straight away and dreamlessly slept through the night, well I may have dreamed but I remember nothing.
I woke this morning, remaining in remission, wide awake at 8am, and out of bed.
I am down to reserve UHT milk though, so tea hasn't been great, and I have had cold sausage rolls for breakfast, from yesterday's harvest lunch.
I expected onslaught from the diocese, but as yet they have not answered me, so I have tentatively continued the story of the walk in the dark.
I am waiting in for visitors, and I have to collect my blue inhaler prescription today, I cannot safely live life without one of those. Crippling isn't it? For 27 years I lived without one, and the police beatings, imprisonment and homelessness means I will never live without an inhaler again.
Anyway. The flat is tidy, there isn't a lot of food, but enough for another meal or two.
I was a bit worried by a headline 'Doners to the Manchester Dogs Home clog up the M6'.
I am trying to continue my 'Walk in the Dark' but am struggling, I am listening to Jersey songs during breaks but I end up with more break than story. Here we are back at Satandrews:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wy9v1AiizMs
Well last night I went to bed, slept straight away and dreamlessly slept through the night, well I may have dreamed but I remember nothing.
I woke this morning, remaining in remission, wide awake at 8am, and out of bed.
I am down to reserve UHT milk though, so tea hasn't been great, and I have had cold sausage rolls for breakfast, from yesterday's harvest lunch.
I expected onslaught from the diocese, but as yet they have not answered me, so I have tentatively continued the story of the walk in the dark.
I am waiting in for visitors, and I have to collect my blue inhaler prescription today, I cannot safely live life without one of those. Crippling isn't it? For 27 years I lived without one, and the police beatings, imprisonment and homelessness means I will never live without an inhaler again.
Anyway. The flat is tidy, there isn't a lot of food, but enough for another meal or two.
I was a bit worried by a headline 'Doners to the Manchester Dogs Home clog up the M6'.
I am trying to continue my 'Walk in the Dark' but am struggling, I am listening to Jersey songs during breaks but I end up with more break than story. Here we are back at Satandrews:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wy9v1AiizMs
Sunday, 14 September 2014
Sunday Evening
Good evening,
Well I had my swim, it was mainly wave jumping and looking at huge waves crashing towards me and wondering what on earth I was doing! Very St. Ouens Bay!
I came home, did a supper and some work and put the swim things out, and went for my evening bike ride, stopped to chat to a friend, came home, and here I am :)
Just about to go on with the Walk In the Dark, with a bit of emotional support as we approach the worst of it.
Well I had my swim, it was mainly wave jumping and looking at huge waves crashing towards me and wondering what on earth I was doing! Very St. Ouens Bay!
I came home, did a supper and some work and put the swim things out, and went for my evening bike ride, stopped to chat to a friend, came home, and here I am :)
Just about to go on with the Walk In the Dark, with a bit of emotional support as we approach the worst of it.
Sunday Afternoon
Good afternoon,
Well I headed for the big church this morning, after deliberation.
When I got there I found it was being invaded by Christening Crowds, argh.
But the priest put me a chair in my own bit of space, so I enjoyed the service, and it was peaceful, it was also harvest service so I sat and chatted to my friends and enjoyed a massive harvest lunch after the service.
Knowing I have not much food, the church did me a massive doggy bag too, so food is in da house.
I had been so long in church that I worried that my bike had gone walkies while I was away, but it was there, chewing boredly on it's tether and snorting at passers-by.
Here I am, probably about to have my swim and then watch movies.
Well I headed for the big church this morning, after deliberation.
When I got there I found it was being invaded by Christening Crowds, argh.
But the priest put me a chair in my own bit of space, so I enjoyed the service, and it was peaceful, it was also harvest service so I sat and chatted to my friends and enjoyed a massive harvest lunch after the service.
Knowing I have not much food, the church did me a massive doggy bag too, so food is in da house.
I had been so long in church that I worried that my bike had gone walkies while I was away, but it was there, chewing boredly on it's tether and snorting at passers-by.
Here I am, probably about to have my swim and then watch movies.
Sunday Morning
Good morning,
I went to bed early and fell asleep at once but only slept shallowly, I dreamed a lot, mainly I dreamed I was homeless again, homeless here, and people were arguing about helping or not helping me.
I woke wide awake some time between 7 and 8am and scrambled into life, kettle on and window wide open to let the mist and sunshine in.
I considered having my swim now but the tide is far out and the waves are foamy and strong, so I biked along the front, wishing I could just bike slowly and peacefully in the beautiful morning forever.
A few dog walkers and other people were out.
I just came home, I can hear the sea roaring and the sun is shining in the window, I will have a bath and go to church.
I went to bed early and fell asleep at once but only slept shallowly, I dreamed a lot, mainly I dreamed I was homeless again, homeless here, and people were arguing about helping or not helping me.
I woke wide awake some time between 7 and 8am and scrambled into life, kettle on and window wide open to let the mist and sunshine in.
I considered having my swim now but the tide is far out and the waves are foamy and strong, so I biked along the front, wishing I could just bike slowly and peacefully in the beautiful morning forever.
A few dog walkers and other people were out.
I just came home, I can hear the sea roaring and the sun is shining in the window, I will have a bath and go to church.
Saturday, 13 September 2014
Saturday evening
Good evening,
well I consider swimming, in fact I considered it for hours, but being tired and because the sea was choppy, I didn't swim.
I am out of money and nearly out of food, so what I am eating is hardly palatable or good for me.
I have had two short bike rides but I never got my energy today and am short of breath, so I am having an early night again.
The day seems to end at 8.30 these days but I am waking well in the mornings and not sick.
well I consider swimming, in fact I considered it for hours, but being tired and because the sea was choppy, I didn't swim.
I am out of money and nearly out of food, so what I am eating is hardly palatable or good for me.
I have had two short bike rides but I never got my energy today and am short of breath, so I am having an early night again.
The day seems to end at 8.30 these days but I am waking well in the mornings and not sick.
Saturday Morning
Good morning,
I went to bed very early, so unnaturally tired, I was asleep at once but only slept lightly and woke sometimes.
I dreamed a lot.
Dreamed of Hampshire, dreamed of Sussex, dreamed of a baby in a pushchair, christmas shopping, a bus station, and some ladies trying to find the bus to Thorpe Gallery, wherever that is.
But the saddest dream was, I dreamed about my Dad. I dreamed he was alive and he and I were playing chess, like we used to.
He was trying to tell me something, he said he knew my path while he didn't know the paths of the other children. I didn't know what he meant, but I knew he was dead, even as we sat there playing chess, and I told him my grief was overwhelming.
I woke this morning, wide awake, 8am, which shows that while I am tired, I am still in remission.
The street is quiet at the weekend and the sun was shining quiet and peaceful, but I felt lazy, so I lazed about a bit and made tea and toast and checked the internet, there is loads of religion and Godstuff on twitter this morning :)
I nearly forgot, during the night I also dreamed about the Scottish Independence Vote, which in waking life does not affect me nor do I really understand it, but in my dream I was screaming with utter conviction about the Independence Vote, to a massive circus camp.
I went to bed very early, so unnaturally tired, I was asleep at once but only slept lightly and woke sometimes.
I dreamed a lot.
Dreamed of Hampshire, dreamed of Sussex, dreamed of a baby in a pushchair, christmas shopping, a bus station, and some ladies trying to find the bus to Thorpe Gallery, wherever that is.
But the saddest dream was, I dreamed about my Dad. I dreamed he was alive and he and I were playing chess, like we used to.
He was trying to tell me something, he said he knew my path while he didn't know the paths of the other children. I didn't know what he meant, but I knew he was dead, even as we sat there playing chess, and I told him my grief was overwhelming.
I woke this morning, wide awake, 8am, which shows that while I am tired, I am still in remission.
The street is quiet at the weekend and the sun was shining quiet and peaceful, but I felt lazy, so I lazed about a bit and made tea and toast and checked the internet, there is loads of religion and Godstuff on twitter this morning :)
I nearly forgot, during the night I also dreamed about the Scottish Independence Vote, which in waking life does not affect me nor do I really understand it, but in my dream I was screaming with utter conviction about the Independence Vote, to a massive circus camp.
Friday, 12 September 2014
Friday Night
I am so tired. I overdid my swim and can't do anything but sleep now. I hope such an early night wont disrupt my sleep, I am fighting off a relapse.
Friday Afternoon
Good afternoon,
I overdid the swim this lunchtime, I stayed in the choppy water, wave jumping and swimming and sitting on the breakwater with waves washing over me.
It is a glorious sunny day, but I am now over-tired from the swim and it put my neck out slightly, my shoulder twinges but is ok.
I am having a quiet day, the washing is out, the flat is boringly tidy, I am drifty and tired.
I overdid the swim this lunchtime, I stayed in the choppy water, wave jumping and swimming and sitting on the breakwater with waves washing over me.
It is a glorious sunny day, but I am now over-tired from the swim and it put my neck out slightly, my shoulder twinges but is ok.
I am having a quiet day, the washing is out, the flat is boringly tidy, I am drifty and tired.
Friday Morning
Good morning,
Yesterday I was tired but sure it wasn't a relapse. The sea was grey and choppy under a grey sky with a cold breeze, so I didn't swim, I waded.
I am sure it is good for my legs.
In the evening I did the usual evening walk, but forgot to put the washing on, so my swim things are still wet, I will swim this afternoon as it is a glorious sunny day.
I slept, my dreams were sad and vivid, I slept soundly, having had an early night as I was tired.
I woke bright and early and fell out of bed and into life, but I am still in my sleep suit, I must wash and put the washing out and face the world.
I had my usual breakfast but I am running short of stuff now due to no benefits and money running out.
I see the Jersey News, I wonder if Reverend Phil Warren will stop saying 'Fire on Jersey' yet, showing off by using God's Name in vain is never productive.
Yesterday I was tired but sure it wasn't a relapse. The sea was grey and choppy under a grey sky with a cold breeze, so I didn't swim, I waded.
I am sure it is good for my legs.
In the evening I did the usual evening walk, but forgot to put the washing on, so my swim things are still wet, I will swim this afternoon as it is a glorious sunny day.
I slept, my dreams were sad and vivid, I slept soundly, having had an early night as I was tired.
I woke bright and early and fell out of bed and into life, but I am still in my sleep suit, I must wash and put the washing out and face the world.
I had my usual breakfast but I am running short of stuff now due to no benefits and money running out.
I see the Jersey News, I wonder if Reverend Phil Warren will stop saying 'Fire on Jersey' yet, showing off by using God's Name in vain is never productive.
Thursday, 11 September 2014
Thursday afternoon
Good afternoon,
Well I went to collect my norty wayward bike, then I went in town to sort some things out.
I had to get a repeat prescription for inhaler because I am all out of reliever inhaler and so short of breath a lot. I talked to the receptionists about asthma checkup but everything is so fully booked I will have to wait till next week and also have to wait until Monday for a new inhaler! :(
The tide was so far in, the waves were smashing over the wall and scaring the grockles! It should be going out now.
It is a grey cloudy day but still warm so I think I will swim now.
I am progressing gently with my work. Tough times, 2010. Without my lantern-carrier, I would never have been able to do it.
Gah, Bills, can anyone lend me £20 while I wait for my benefits?
Well I went to collect my norty wayward bike, then I went in town to sort some things out.
I had to get a repeat prescription for inhaler because I am all out of reliever inhaler and so short of breath a lot. I talked to the receptionists about asthma checkup but everything is so fully booked I will have to wait till next week and also have to wait until Monday for a new inhaler! :(
The tide was so far in, the waves were smashing over the wall and scaring the grockles! It should be going out now.
It is a grey cloudy day but still warm so I think I will swim now.
I am progressing gently with my work. Tough times, 2010. Without my lantern-carrier, I would never have been able to do it.
Gah, Bills, can anyone lend me £20 while I wait for my benefits?
Thursday lunchtime
Good lunchtime,
Well I was tired last night after a brisk swim, I didn't do an evening walk.
I went to bed early and slept.
During the night I could feel pain in my shoulder.
I woke thinking 'oh no! Ten years later, I have put the shoulder back out!'
But as the day goes on, I think I have just strained a muscle.
It is 10 years since that shouder was repaired. It hurts today but I think it will be ok.
I am tired but as far as I know am not back in relapse.
I woke early this morning, wondering if the noise I heard was the delivery van with my parcel, but as it turns out, it was early morning and a gold and orange sunrise was occuring.
Last night the moon rose as an orange ball, exactly where the sun had risen as an orange ball in the morning, how strange.
I had to wait until midday for my parcel, so I have not been out yet, I missed cafe church, a new venture at one of my churches.
When the parcel arrived, I signed for it and did chicken and bread and yoghurt for lunch.
I must now go and face my duties around town.
Wednesday, 10 September 2014
Wednesday Afternoon
Good afternoon,
Well the evenings have been clear, warm and moonlit so most evenings I walk when it is dark, and photograph the moon over the sea, as I did last night.
It was full moon last night.
This morning I woke at 4am after sleeping through the night, so I got on with work. The flat had had it's clean last night and so not much else to do, I had a shower wash in the bath and a walk.
The stars were so bright before dawn, and as the sun rose it was a great orange ball over the sea, awesome.
Once I had done everything, I walked down to the drop in to be reunited with my friends, me and my friend returned to discussing music and ships like in the old days a few months ago, and I helped with some chores at the drop in.
I had lots of tea and food and eventually wandered home.
I found I had missed an important parcel and will get it tomorrow instead, I went to the computer shop but it was too busy and hot in there, and the tide was too far in for my swim, so I will swim soon.
It is very hot today.
The bike is still with Al.
Well the evenings have been clear, warm and moonlit so most evenings I walk when it is dark, and photograph the moon over the sea, as I did last night.
It was full moon last night.
This morning I woke at 4am after sleeping through the night, so I got on with work. The flat had had it's clean last night and so not much else to do, I had a shower wash in the bath and a walk.
The stars were so bright before dawn, and as the sun rose it was a great orange ball over the sea, awesome.
Once I had done everything, I walked down to the drop in to be reunited with my friends, me and my friend returned to discussing music and ships like in the old days a few months ago, and I helped with some chores at the drop in.
I had lots of tea and food and eventually wandered home.
I found I had missed an important parcel and will get it tomorrow instead, I went to the computer shop but it was too busy and hot in there, and the tide was too far in for my swim, so I will swim soon.
It is very hot today.
The bike is still with Al.
Tuesday, 9 September 2014
Tuesday
Good evening,
Please excuse the lack of blog at the moment.
I fell out of bed tired this morning, could not find my art stuff and endured art, doing still lifey stuff.
Then I was going to swim but the tide was hitting the wall, so I went and did odds and ends in town, and kept meeting people I knew.
I met the guy who runs the Wednesday drop-in and he said I should come along as I haven't been for ages, and I said I will go tomorrow.
Then I biked up the bay for my swim.
The surf was strong and the sea was choppy, so as well as a lot of wave jumping and swallowing water, I got well exercized and invigourated.
I came home but my bike has returned to gear and chain problems so I left it with Al, again!
Had a bath, hung the washing.
And now my tasks are some work and some sorting and tidying paperwork and room.
Please excuse the lack of blog at the moment.
I fell out of bed tired this morning, could not find my art stuff and endured art, doing still lifey stuff.
Then I was going to swim but the tide was hitting the wall, so I went and did odds and ends in town, and kept meeting people I knew.
I met the guy who runs the Wednesday drop-in and he said I should come along as I haven't been for ages, and I said I will go tomorrow.
Then I biked up the bay for my swim.
The surf was strong and the sea was choppy, so as well as a lot of wave jumping and swallowing water, I got well exercized and invigourated.
I came home but my bike has returned to gear and chain problems so I left it with Al, again!
Had a bath, hung the washing.
And now my tasks are some work and some sorting and tidying paperwork and room.
Monday, 8 September 2014
Monday Lunchtime
Good lunchtime,
I am absentminded, I haven't eaten today. Tut tut. Still a bit out of routine at the moment.
I had a lovely time with all my friends, I have missed them over the summer.
I got back yesterday.
My friend insisted on taking my photo collage from my flat and taking it to show to everyone! :)
I spent most of the weekend in a neck brace but woke on Sunday morning free from pain.
The flat looks like a bomb has hit it, well actually it looks messy, but that is what people say.
I am fully recovered from being away and the usual strains and stresses of travel that often leave me exhausted and stressed. I just need to tidy my flat! :)
Yesterday I socialized a lot with random people and church people and had fun, I also had a swim in the warm calm sea and made arrangements to continue my art classes without any money and return to learning to knit with the church lady.
Today I woke to my messy flat, continued some work and went and had my swim, the sea is a bit choppy today, more of a wave jump than a swim.
There was a dog stuck in a gate this morning, I was at first not sure if I was seeing it correctly but I was.
A little fluffy terrier stuck in a garden gate that it had been trying to escape through, the house had a neat flowery garden and i expected it to belong an old lady, but a gruff tough man came to the door when I knocked, he freed his dog and set about putting wire over the gate to keep the dog from doing the same again.
I am absentminded, I haven't eaten today. Tut tut. Still a bit out of routine at the moment.
I had a lovely time with all my friends, I have missed them over the summer.
I got back yesterday.
My friend insisted on taking my photo collage from my flat and taking it to show to everyone! :)
I spent most of the weekend in a neck brace but woke on Sunday morning free from pain.
The flat looks like a bomb has hit it, well actually it looks messy, but that is what people say.
I am fully recovered from being away and the usual strains and stresses of travel that often leave me exhausted and stressed. I just need to tidy my flat! :)
Yesterday I socialized a lot with random people and church people and had fun, I also had a swim in the warm calm sea and made arrangements to continue my art classes without any money and return to learning to knit with the church lady.
Today I woke to my messy flat, continued some work and went and had my swim, the sea is a bit choppy today, more of a wave jump than a swim.
There was a dog stuck in a gate this morning, I was at first not sure if I was seeing it correctly but I was.
A little fluffy terrier stuck in a garden gate that it had been trying to escape through, the house had a neat flowery garden and i expected it to belong an old lady, but a gruff tough man came to the door when I knocked, he freed his dog and set about putting wire over the gate to keep the dog from doing the same again.
Saturday, 6 September 2014
Saturday 6.45am
Good morning,
please excuse the lack of blog, Thursday was wiped out because Jane Fisher, the diocesan Safeguarding officer who destroyed me, added me on twitter as a friend, ie, she followed me, which is kind of what she does. Incidentally, the 'stalkerstat' logs on my feed went sky high after that and yesterday.
Anyone else ever dealt with an obsessive safeguarding officer who would destroy you because she couldn't own your life?
But anyway, I appealed to my twitter friends as I was shocked and frightened and they were very supportive, although I remained shocked until that evening when people told me she had deleted her twitter account.
It helped that I went shopping as my jeans had gone the way of the boots and were no longer wearable, so I got food, flowers and jeans at the big supermarket, especially as I had a friend coming for the day yesterday and my life and flat were in chaos.
When I had done my shoppig on Thursday evening, I came home and someone helped me on skype by talking to me until I could focus and sort myself and my flat out for the next day.
When the flat was sorted, I went to bed but slept a shallow distressed sleep.
In the morning I woke early enough and finished my sortings out for my friend coming and me going away.
I set off nice and early to go and collect her, because it is a quite a trek, got there in good time, panicked because I got the arrivals and departures board mixed up and could not see the right time. Realised, and was there to greet her with a norty notice, which she wants to keep for life :)
I wasn't well but I took my neck collar off to greet her in case she got a fright.
Neck collar is now back full time, and I thawed a bag of peas by using them as an ice pack last night.
We had a lovely day, although the bus journeys took some of it.
She approved heartily of my flat and where I lived, and we walked by the sea and went to my favourite cafe for lunch, then back to my flat to pack my bag and then we came back together.
We had a bit of a time trying to get the connections. But we got aboard last minute
and got here.
We were late for Mass but we got there and her husband was waiting with the car and after Mass we came home and had egg and rice and we talked.
Then a very sleepy bed time, I was tired but had another patchy night, waking in pain in the early hours.
I woke this morning seeing it was light and hearing someone was up, so I was worried that I would be late and delay us, but I got up and it was only just after six and the light was a grey dawn.
I am washed, packed, had a cuppa, am back in my neck collar, my bed folded away, I am ready to go and we have an hour before we go.
I just need to pop a letter in the post to reply to one I hurriedly opened and read yesterday.
please excuse the lack of blog, Thursday was wiped out because Jane Fisher, the diocesan Safeguarding officer who destroyed me, added me on twitter as a friend, ie, she followed me, which is kind of what she does. Incidentally, the 'stalkerstat' logs on my feed went sky high after that and yesterday.
Anyone else ever dealt with an obsessive safeguarding officer who would destroy you because she couldn't own your life?
But anyway, I appealed to my twitter friends as I was shocked and frightened and they were very supportive, although I remained shocked until that evening when people told me she had deleted her twitter account.
It helped that I went shopping as my jeans had gone the way of the boots and were no longer wearable, so I got food, flowers and jeans at the big supermarket, especially as I had a friend coming for the day yesterday and my life and flat were in chaos.
When I had done my shoppig on Thursday evening, I came home and someone helped me on skype by talking to me until I could focus and sort myself and my flat out for the next day.
When the flat was sorted, I went to bed but slept a shallow distressed sleep.
In the morning I woke early enough and finished my sortings out for my friend coming and me going away.
I set off nice and early to go and collect her, because it is a quite a trek, got there in good time, panicked because I got the arrivals and departures board mixed up and could not see the right time. Realised, and was there to greet her with a norty notice, which she wants to keep for life :)
I wasn't well but I took my neck collar off to greet her in case she got a fright.
Neck collar is now back full time, and I thawed a bag of peas by using them as an ice pack last night.
We had a lovely day, although the bus journeys took some of it.
She approved heartily of my flat and where I lived, and we walked by the sea and went to my favourite cafe for lunch, then back to my flat to pack my bag and then we came back together.
We had a bit of a time trying to get the connections. But we got aboard last minute
and got here.
We were late for Mass but we got there and her husband was waiting with the car and after Mass we came home and had egg and rice and we talked.
Then a very sleepy bed time, I was tired but had another patchy night, waking in pain in the early hours.
I woke this morning seeing it was light and hearing someone was up, so I was worried that I would be late and delay us, but I got up and it was only just after six and the light was a grey dawn.
I am washed, packed, had a cuppa, am back in my neck collar, my bed folded away, I am ready to go and we have an hour before we go.
I just need to pop a letter in the post to reply to one I hurriedly opened and read yesterday.
Wednesday, 3 September 2014
Wednesday Evening 2
Good evening,
I went for my second swim, the water was choppy, so it was more wave jumping than swimming.
Other people were also making the most of the warmth and the surf.
I got tired and staggered home.
At home I put the beach things and other clothes to wash and I tidied up and then sat and worked.
Time passes very slowly as I go back into the darkness of Jersey and walk through it, when I stop writing it feels like days have passed and really only an hour or so at a time has passed.
I put the washing out to dry and took the rubbish out, walked to the shop and then to the sea.
A half moon was lighting the steady foaming surf and it is a mild starry night, lovely for a walk.
I came home and have ben doing odds and ends but am tired for bed now.
I went for my second swim, the water was choppy, so it was more wave jumping than swimming.
Other people were also making the most of the warmth and the surf.
I got tired and staggered home.
At home I put the beach things and other clothes to wash and I tidied up and then sat and worked.
Time passes very slowly as I go back into the darkness of Jersey and walk through it, when I stop writing it feels like days have passed and really only an hour or so at a time has passed.
I put the washing out to dry and took the rubbish out, walked to the shop and then to the sea.
A half moon was lighting the steady foaming surf and it is a mild starry night, lovely for a walk.
I came home and have ben doing odds and ends but am tired for bed now.
A walk in the dark 2
A walk in the Dark 2:
As I face the darkness again
I wonder if I will survive the pain
Please bring the lantern and show the way
through the night to the hope of day
I need to know you are there with the light
to guide me through the haunted night
There may be daylight at the end
but just now I need a friend
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y28fyO0JreA
As I face the darkness again
I wonder if I will survive the pain
Please bring the lantern and show the way
through the night to the hope of day
I need to know you are there with the light
to guide me through the haunted night
There may be daylight at the end
but just now I need a friend
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y28fyO0JreA
Wednesday Evening
Good evening,
Well I had a few disasters this afternoon.
I was going to go out, my landlady was gardening and she reminded me that it may be difficult for my friend to get to see me because of festival traffic. Argh. She is fine about the rent now running a few days late each time, so at least the rent is covered, I just need increased income.
I went out, realised when I got there I had forgotten an address, then the bike got a flat tyre, and as I was walking it to Al, I got glass in my goot because my boots were worn through on the soles.
I have needed new boots for ages.
So I had to stop and get glass out of my foot, I took the bike to Al and will collect it tomorrow.
There is an outdoors shop near Al and I had never been in there, thankfully they sell boots and I got a pair for £32.50 which is good but depletes my low money. I guess boots and clothes are essentials and I may well have to rely on foodbank, the jeans from the chattery shop dont fit so I need to buy some more.
Anyway, I came home, disinfected my foot, put clean socks and new boots on, found the address I needed, went back out, came home via an ice cream, and a walk along the front, the sea is too tempting so I will swim again.
I got waylaid by church ladies and ended up sitting with them for ages, I didn't really want to but it is called being sociable, and they wanted to be sociable.
Now home, a quick meal and then I will swim again, the heat and the emerald sea make it too tempting even at this time of evening.
Well I had a few disasters this afternoon.
I was going to go out, my landlady was gardening and she reminded me that it may be difficult for my friend to get to see me because of festival traffic. Argh. She is fine about the rent now running a few days late each time, so at least the rent is covered, I just need increased income.
I went out, realised when I got there I had forgotten an address, then the bike got a flat tyre, and as I was walking it to Al, I got glass in my goot because my boots were worn through on the soles.
I have needed new boots for ages.
So I had to stop and get glass out of my foot, I took the bike to Al and will collect it tomorrow.
There is an outdoors shop near Al and I had never been in there, thankfully they sell boots and I got a pair for £32.50 which is good but depletes my low money. I guess boots and clothes are essentials and I may well have to rely on foodbank, the jeans from the chattery shop dont fit so I need to buy some more.
Anyway, I came home, disinfected my foot, put clean socks and new boots on, found the address I needed, went back out, came home via an ice cream, and a walk along the front, the sea is too tempting so I will swim again.
I got waylaid by church ladies and ended up sitting with them for ages, I didn't really want to but it is called being sociable, and they wanted to be sociable.
Now home, a quick meal and then I will swim again, the heat and the emerald sea make it too tempting even at this time of evening.
Wednesday Morning 2
Good morning again,
I went to the bay but the tide was a bit far out so I am waiting.
I have been working on documents and to do with benefits as well. There may be a way forward without ESA. I am not fit for Jobseekers and even ESA said I wasn't fit for work, but I am not fit for their cruel new regime either. So, still not on ESA but hoping very much to be able to claim benefits again soon.
I went to the Art centre, the lady there had also been off sick when I was off sick so she hadn't noticed, I asked to change my art day to Tuesday and she agreed, it means missing coffee morning though, which is sad.
I made sure we had each other's contact details this time.
I am home and nothing exciting came in the post, just another nonsdescript DWP letter.
It is so hot, I want the tide to come in so I can go in the cool water and swim.
I got some leaflets of local attractions for when my friend comes for the day on Friday, so she can choose what we do.
I went to the bay but the tide was a bit far out so I am waiting.
I have been working on documents and to do with benefits as well. There may be a way forward without ESA. I am not fit for Jobseekers and even ESA said I wasn't fit for work, but I am not fit for their cruel new regime either. So, still not on ESA but hoping very much to be able to claim benefits again soon.
I went to the Art centre, the lady there had also been off sick when I was off sick so she hadn't noticed, I asked to change my art day to Tuesday and she agreed, it means missing coffee morning though, which is sad.
I made sure we had each other's contact details this time.
I am home and nothing exciting came in the post, just another nonsdescript DWP letter.
It is so hot, I want the tide to come in so I can go in the cool water and swim.
I got some leaflets of local attractions for when my friend comes for the day on Friday, so she can choose what we do.
Wednesday Morning
Good morning,
I had a nice bike ride yesterday evening as it was sunny and pleasant.
I came home and just got on with work.
I slept most of the night with a lot of vivid dreams, my sleep wasn't deep, I dreamed of Jersey again.
It is another misty morning with the sun coming through.
I had a nice bike ride yesterday evening as it was sunny and pleasant.
I came home and just got on with work.
I slept most of the night with a lot of vivid dreams, my sleep wasn't deep, I dreamed of Jersey again.
It is another misty morning with the sun coming through.
Tuesday, 2 September 2014
Tuesday Afternoon
Good afternoon,
Well I was about to go out this morning, when a letter was on the mat, so I wrote a reply and headed for post office.
As I cycled back, the sea was grey and moody under low cloud, choppy, with cloud and mist over the hills, so I didn't want to swim, but as the day wore on, the sun came out, and the sea was emerald and inviting.
I biked up the bay and swam alone. The hills one side were clear light green under a pale sky, while the Great Hill was shrouded in mist. The sea was choppy with surf breaking far out and strong, so the swim was challenging.
I dried a bit in the still warm sunshine and came home. The swim clothes are in the wash.
Well I was about to go out this morning, when a letter was on the mat, so I wrote a reply and headed for post office.
As I cycled back, the sea was grey and moody under low cloud, choppy, with cloud and mist over the hills, so I didn't want to swim, but as the day wore on, the sun came out, and the sea was emerald and inviting.
I biked up the bay and swam alone. The hills one side were clear light green under a pale sky, while the Great Hill was shrouded in mist. The sea was choppy with surf breaking far out and strong, so the swim was challenging.
I dried a bit in the still warm sunshine and came home. The swim clothes are in the wash.
Tuesday Morning
Good morning,
I was exhausted and feeling ill last night so I went to bed early. I had to get up to be sick and take meds though.
I have a feeling, lesson learned, that a particular brand of cottage pie, made from genuine Devon cottages, does not agree with my system.
I tend to get the cheap readymeals as I do not have an oven at the moment and so little money and food vouchers, so I get the cheap readymeals from this supermarket and the cottage pie obviously wont digest.
Anyway, I slept, and dreamed and dreamed, I dreamed vividly and clearly of Jersey, of the awful church and the people who protected the abuser.
I woke in the early hours and drank some fruit squash and tried to settle to sleep.
I slept and dreamed again, dreamed that certain church of england people were getting me to house sit, and they said I could house sit and look after the cats but I had to stay in the garage, then they got upset with me when the cat did a mess in the house.
Pretty typical church of england.
I woke, still with a slight headache, and got up. This headache is not the normal one triggered by my neck, I do not know what it is.
It is a grey drizzly day outside.
I was exhausted and feeling ill last night so I went to bed early. I had to get up to be sick and take meds though.
I have a feeling, lesson learned, that a particular brand of cottage pie, made from genuine Devon cottages, does not agree with my system.
I tend to get the cheap readymeals as I do not have an oven at the moment and so little money and food vouchers, so I get the cheap readymeals from this supermarket and the cottage pie obviously wont digest.
Anyway, I slept, and dreamed and dreamed, I dreamed vividly and clearly of Jersey, of the awful church and the people who protected the abuser.
I woke in the early hours and drank some fruit squash and tried to settle to sleep.
I slept and dreamed again, dreamed that certain church of england people were getting me to house sit, and they said I could house sit and look after the cats but I had to stay in the garage, then they got upset with me when the cat did a mess in the house.
Pretty typical church of england.
I woke, still with a slight headache, and got up. This headache is not the normal one triggered by my neck, I do not know what it is.
It is a grey drizzly day outside.
Monday, 1 September 2014
Monday evening 2
I realised that evening bike ride time is getting earlier as the darkness grows longer, so I went out for my bike ride.
I was scooting off the road end wall to continue my bike ride, when someone shouted me over, they knew me, knew my name but I was not sure who they were, church or Tuesday social or something, so I stopped to talk and they introduced me to their Mum. Good thing I am not superstitious, last time I was introduced to someone's mum on that same spot, she had died within a week.
Anyway, I scooted about, watched the hat of rainclouds on the Great Hill. Came home, and I am so tired, I will go to bed early.
I never knew the neighbour's dog was called Bob, he's a boxer too :)
I was scooting off the road end wall to continue my bike ride, when someone shouted me over, they knew me, knew my name but I was not sure who they were, church or Tuesday social or something, so I stopped to talk and they introduced me to their Mum. Good thing I am not superstitious, last time I was introduced to someone's mum on that same spot, she had died within a week.
Anyway, I scooted about, watched the hat of rainclouds on the Great Hill. Came home, and I am so tired, I will go to bed early.
I never knew the neighbour's dog was called Bob, he's a boxer too :)
Monday evening
Good evening,
Well I have been in pain today, I am now in a neck collar for a few hours in the hope that it helps.
I went down to the sea earlier, I was very tense and in pain, it would have been good for a swim but I decided it wasn't a good idea as my energy is low and I am in pain, so I sat for a long time on the wall and watched the sea.
Then I went and got some ink and some food.
I have been reading a book, doing some writing, and not doing much.
I think a bath might help in a while, but I feel a bit lazy about going for a bath or anything.
I really don't know what is up with the crazy church of england, they are flapping and squawking a bit.
Well I have been in pain today, I am now in a neck collar for a few hours in the hope that it helps.
I went down to the sea earlier, I was very tense and in pain, it would have been good for a swim but I decided it wasn't a good idea as my energy is low and I am in pain, so I sat for a long time on the wall and watched the sea.
Then I went and got some ink and some food.
I have been reading a book, doing some writing, and not doing much.
I think a bath might help in a while, but I feel a bit lazy about going for a bath or anything.
I really don't know what is up with the crazy church of england, they are flapping and squawking a bit.
Monday Morning
Good morning,
I slept a long deep sleep last night and woke this morning relaxed but groggy and in some pain.
I got up and went through the routine.
The pain didn't ease and I didn't take painkillers first thing.
I wanted to get to the post office to get something in the post.
I scooted down to the post office on my bike, I felt too tired to bike at first but I got better as I went along.
I posted what I had to post and proceeded to nose around the chattery shops, I was looking for jeans or trousers, and I found a pair, I hope they fit, because my mobility problems and nervousness of changing rooms means I didn't try them on in the shop.
I came home and there was nothing in the post for me. Good, less to deal with.
I have now taken painkillers and also used some throat spray and eye drops, so feeling a bit better now :)
My energy is moderate to low today, not fatigue like last week but not high enough for a vigerous swim.
The blog has received a very high number of hits, seemingly church related, so I wonder what that damn blasted church of england is about to do to injure me now they are back from their luxury holidays?
I slept a long deep sleep last night and woke this morning relaxed but groggy and in some pain.
I got up and went through the routine.
The pain didn't ease and I didn't take painkillers first thing.
I wanted to get to the post office to get something in the post.
I scooted down to the post office on my bike, I felt too tired to bike at first but I got better as I went along.
I posted what I had to post and proceeded to nose around the chattery shops, I was looking for jeans or trousers, and I found a pair, I hope they fit, because my mobility problems and nervousness of changing rooms means I didn't try them on in the shop.
I came home and there was nothing in the post for me. Good, less to deal with.
I have now taken painkillers and also used some throat spray and eye drops, so feeling a bit better now :)
My energy is moderate to low today, not fatigue like last week but not high enough for a vigerous swim.
The blog has received a very high number of hits, seemingly church related, so I wonder what that damn blasted church of england is about to do to injure me now they are back from their luxury holidays?
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