This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Saturday, 18 October 2014

Saturday Night

Good evening,

Three things that show I am in crisis are: Not updating the blog, not cleaning the flat and not eating.
Well I have finally managed a whirlwind clean of the flat after a busy day, I have eaten, and I am updating the blog.

This afternoon I went to look at the new bike, and ended up having a cuppa and a chat before coming home on the new bike, which is light but small and still hard to ride compared to the blue bike.
I also went to look at the blue bike, still there and still intact despite it's injuries, I will collect it soon.

I then went and did a big grocery shop at the big supermarket, I haven't done that for months, I even got flowers and a candle, I haven't been able to get flowers for so long, so that is good, although the sad news remains that while I enjoy the flowers, I will have to move house soon.

I spoke to the landlady by email today to explain why bikes are breeding in the garden, and she confirmed that she will have to sell up because the council inspection brought up costs far more than she can afford, she has owned the house for 44 years and one tenant has been here 10 years and another 6 years, and she says she likes all the tenants and is sad about it. Well I am heartbroken, I was in paradise here, as you may have realised from the blog so far. I have been here six months and would have stayed forever.
I will be moving to a bedsit, which is smaller than this, I will be in safe hands and will be even closer to the sea than I am now, over the road from it, but I cannot imagine that in such a short time I wont look out my window here to the sunrise over the Eastern Hills, I can't imagine not being here and just thinking about it makes me so sad.
I don't like the fact that I am leaving the quiet roads to live closer into town.

It has been a funny day, earlier I got identical messages from two completely unconnected people, they both read 'You are part of our church family you know!'.
And I feel bad now because when I felt bad, I decided to have a day out this Sunday rather than trying to face church, and now everyone has been saying 'See you tomorrow?' or 'Will you sit with us?' and I am going off for the day. I do need a day out, because I haven't had one for so long, and I have been so stressed.

This coming week I will bring my social activities down to minimal, I will only attend art and cafe church, and maybe disabled club, I need a break and I need to think about the iminent move and make preparations, because I am so settled and paperworked for here, I need to make sure everything is put in order efficiently.

Anyway, after shopping and coming home to unpack the shopping, I went out for a bus ride, to drift my mind and listen to the radio as the bus sped through the dark night. Then when I came home, I did a sandwich and did a whirlwind tidy of the flat.

It has been a vague day for food, as I come out of crisi, I did do bacon and eggs for breakfast, but lunch was ham and cucumber sandwich and supper was homous sandwich.
Tomorrow I do not know, as I will be out for a large part of the day, if all goes well.

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