Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Sunday, 22 January 2012

Yesterday evening I read a book about a woman who had a sudden anurysm and had a day to live, how she talked to her family and made arrangements.

Then I went to the samaritans as bad memories and flashbacks are overwhelming me, I am seeing the doctor on monday in the hope that he can try to speed up the psychological asessment.

The samaritan lady was ok, it wasn't deeply helpful but at least I had talked to a human being and had a cuppa. By the time I was heading for bed it was soup kitchen so I ended up stopping there to eat and drink.

There was a new guy there, doing as new guys do, slating the homeless services and saying he had left a five bedroom house in holland and was sleeping in a stairwell.
He decided I should be indoors, and I explained I should not, but despite this he decided to approach my friend who was on street warden duty and who I was chatting to and ask her, in front of me, if she could help get me indoors, she said nothing as I metaphorically clouted his nose, and he backed down and apologized, he ended up deep in conversation with her and I went off to the toilet and to bed.

I slept and had nightmares and heard the rain falling. I dreamed about a monster, and then about playing with a lion cup while it's mother watched, and I wondered why she didn't attack.
I stayed in my blankets until 8.30, depression and the huge empty space of sunday morning make it hard to get up. church is at 10.45 and if I get up at 8.30 I have all that time to kill.

I got up and went to the solitary market tea stall, I had some breakfast and several cups of tea. The weather is showery, last night at soup kitchen it was cold and clear, but it was showery overnight and is going to stay like that.

I went and had my wash and meds, had one more cuppa and at last it was time for church.
This church goes by quickly and doesn't hurt, a solution to my church phobia!
Then there is tea and cake and chats with new friends.
Then it is hot miserable smelly library time and lunch. I am not hungry really.

The air in the big city that I went to recently smells of industry and pollution, the air in the villages smells of woodsmoke and home, the air here doesn't have much smell.

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