Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Happy New Year Bloggypeople,
It is going to be a challenge to remember the details of the last few days, but I will try. Mianly I remember wet tired hungry and nowhere to go, which is normal for homeless people during the Christmas bank holidays.

When I left the library on Saturday I went to the Samaritans, it was 5pm and I had to get through at least five more hours with nowhere to go and nothing to do, most homeless people just sit down in a blanket somewhere, but I feel too vulnerable doing that.
I had a cup of tea with the Samaritan and then went back out wandering about, I think I found stickers for a drink but I was very bored and tired with just wandering about.
One of the protesters who didn't like me said hello to me. Why are they all so friendly now?
I get stopped by an indian man who wants to know the time, (not the same one who talks to me later) and he starts pestering me, I tell him that I will send the police after him if he doesn't go away. I don't understand why anyone would ever proposition me, I am unattractive and I am dressed unattractively and I smell of homelessness.

I went to get my bedding but my sleeping bags had been taken. That was upsetting. But I had enough blankets left to wrap up warmly. I found a ringpull tin of soup and a tin of peaches in juice in my food parcel that had not been stolen. I went to the porch as it was raining, I sat in a pile of blankets, wrapped up in one and lit the stove, the fuel tablets are really not very good and I am runnign out, but I ate the tin of peaches as the soup cooked, I felt better immediately from the sugar, I have a migraine in the background from going without hot drinks and food. I drink the soup from the tin as the water boils for coffee, and then I have my coffee.

I bed down for the night, the weather gets worse, all night there are people walking past, shouting and drunk, vomiting, seeing in the new year, I prefer some sleep, especially with a migraine, at midnight the fireworks go off and I want to get up and see them but I am too sleepy.
I get up about half an hour later needing the toilet, much to my annoyance I am stopped from getting to the toilet by an indian man who wants to know where there is a church open, there are no churches open at half past midnight on New Years Day, and I am hoppping and cursing because I want him to go away and let me use the toilet (the gutter) in peace. What a way to start the New Year! Well at least I didn't start it in the same way as too many other people, the police cells accross the county are full apparently and one person is dead.
I manage my toilet and sleep again and wake in the dark early morning, it is too late to go treasure hunting already, other people will have picked up any dropped money. I did find 68pence, but the market stalls are all closed, so no cups of tea, by 10am I am getting trouble with low blood sugar, migraine and desparate need for a hot drink. I go to church and tell them about my bedding being nicked and how I really need a hot drink and something to eat, they get me tea nad biscuits and try to come up with solutions for the stolen bedding and where I can store the rest safely.
I stay for mass and my friends continue to look for solutions, one of them is friends with the staff at the men's hostel nearby, and she says she will ask if they can look after things for me at reception, I doubt they can but it's worth a try, she takes one of my bags there but they say it can only stay for a few days, I don't like the idea of going there too often anyway. My friend says she will keep thinking of places.

Now there is just 7 hours to kill before I go to stay with my other friend for the night, and I will get to eat then. I go to the little quaker place and beg a cup of tea from them as church gave me coffee rather than tea and I need tea.

I have a doctor's appointment at 3.30 and so I kikll time until then, I find enough stickers for a drink, I have a thorough wash with my diminishing toiletries and I go to the medical centre early, unsurprisingly it is very crowded because of it being new year's day.

The doctor is brilliant, I have already realised he is very efficient and helpful, but this time he comes up with a solution for something I didn't come to see him about. Migraines, my migraine is still there, and he notices it, he prescribes a preventer to try and break the migraine pattern, he checks my blood pressure, it is high again, and he says he will speak to someone about referring me to a special needs psychologist for asessment, all very helpful, and he prescribes more stomach meds and anti-inflammatories. So I am all drugged up :)

After the doctor's appointment I only have three or so more hours to wait until I can go to my friend's house. I wander about and then I go to the Samaritans to get out of the weather and pass time. It is ok.
Then it is time to go to my friend's house, I take my coat, which is dripping wet, in the hope that she can help dry it.

I get to my friend's house and it is suppertime, belly pork, spring greens and mash potato, very nice and full of vitamins and iron and I have rarely needed a meal as much as I needed that one, I have a little bit of wine to celebrate the new year. Her neighbour is there for the meal as well, and afterwards we play a quiz game and have ice cream with hot chocolate sauce.
Then the neighbour goes home and I have a bath and I wash my knickers in the bath with me as they are my only pair and they badly need a wash, my knickers and coat dry out overnight and I sleep for 11.5 hours.

Breakfast is good, a boiled egg, four slices of toast and two cups of tea, and my friend is already tired as she has M.E. so she gives me some spare mince pies and fudge and sends me on my way, all clean and fed and rested.

It is a sunny day but very cold with a freezing wind.

Then I have the final day of wandering around with nowhere to go and nothing to do, I go into town, try to find stickers, find anout eventually, have a cup of tea, go to the samaritans, who endure me, and I keep walking round, I go and look at boots because I will need a new pair soon.
I keep walking round and round with nowhere to go and nothing to do, I sit in the church a while but it isn't really friendly in there.
I go back to the Samaritans but the girl keeps asking the same questions no matter how I answer so I give up and go.

I keep walking and walking, I shelter in Tesco for a while, Raffish is shopping there and wishes me a happy new year.

I keep walking until 8pm, then I go up to the mens hostel to collect what my friend left there for safekeeping. When I tell the man at reception, he doesn't know about it because they have so many staff there, so he goes and looks and finds it, he realises I am homeless and gets me to stop and talk, he tells me of various housing options that I may be able to cope with and tells me he understands how hard the paperwork side of things is and that he tries to help all the people who come to the hostel who are tired of paperwork and interviews and telling their story. He makes me a cup of tea.

By 8.30 I am on my way to the porch with my bags. I find a final ringpull can of chicken soup, I heat that and eat a mince pie and I drink the soup from the can while water brews for coffee.
It is still a very clear sky and very cold, but rain is forecast. I wrap up in a blanket and drink my coffee, an owl hoots, I have never heard owls here, it makes me homesick for county A and it's plentiful owls.

 I tuck down, I am worried about tucking down so early, but it is ok, I sleep, I wake once needing the toilet. I sleep and dream that I am severely disabled and dependent on my scornful older sister, I am studying again despite the disability and I look out the window at the pouring rain and decide that I will spend the day indoors studying as the rain beats on the window, the rain is real, I wake up and there is rain beating down, blowing in the wind into the porch and blowing onto my blankets and backpack and hat. I sleep and wake, never fully awake and then a deeper sleep for the last few hours into the morning, it is dark and wet when I wake up, no one disturbs me and I am still dry enough under my blankets to snuggle comfortably and watch the rain for a while before I scramble and pack up to move, it is always hard to get the motivation to do this.

I take my bedding and stash it away, I have no luck finding stickers and the weather is wild. I go to have a wash and I change my teeshirt, jumper and socks, I quite like my crisp new teeshirt and jumper, I have been wearing the red fleece for months but now I am wearing a dark blue fleece with a silver flash on it, a bit like the one I used to wear for sailing.  yes I still have to hide my memories.

Washed and dressed I go to the churchyard and manage to light the last bit of fuel for the stove and keep it lit to brew a murky coffee. The town clock chimes 9am, and the world is restored to post-christmas normality, civilisation, the endurance test for all rough sleepers is over as daycentres and libraries open as normal and everything is back to normal.

I take my tin cup of coffee and walk down to the social security office.
I go in and ask the man if he could find out what day my giro is due on due to the holidays, and I tell him I may need to apply for a crisis loan, he asks why and I tell him I am a rough sleeper and have just survived Christmas on the streets and really need hot drinks and proper meals.
He takes my details and goes to enquire.
He comes back and tells me my giro is in and I can go straight up and collect it. This is unusual, normally you have to wait until 10.30am, so I go and explain to security and they let me up to collect my giro, I can't believe it! :)

I take my giro to cash it, when I first arrived here I struggled to walk the distance to the post office, but I can walk better now. The shopping areas are quiet and when I get to the post office I don't have to que. I get my money and head for the market for a bacon and egg roll and a proper cup of tea.

Here I am, fed and cup of tea'd up, having survived the worst endurance test of homelessness, the christmas holidays. And My bag is in a locker and I am clean and in here out of the driving rain and wind.

The good thing about the Christmas holidays is that I have lost weight, there, you never thought you'd hear someone say that did you?!

The bad thing is the overwhelming injustice and bad memories that still get me if I am at a loose end.

This morning I had a happy new year text from county A, I can't risk replying, I also had a text from the charity to remind me that I am meant to see them this afternoon.

I have a new source of tea once a week, a meditation half hour that finishes with tea :)

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