Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Saturday, 1 July 2017

Saturday

Hey peeps,

I have been dreaming a lot recently, and vivid dreams, that and the tiredness makes me think this is a relapse.

The other night I dreamed I was back at the old lodgings, and it was all so clear, as if I was living it all again.
But the dream I had the night before last was much more vivid and spooky.
I dreamed I was in Jersey, sitting in on a States session, but their ugliness and corruption was all unmasked and unhidden, you could see it all.
Then I walked through St. Helier. It looked as sad and run down as it always did. I don't know how those finance industry workers stand it. Poor Jersey, stuck between the past and the nasty soulless finance industry.
But the dream finished off with Bob Hill at his house, smiling and showing me that he could still play guitar despite his condition, and it was so vivid.
Bob, have fun playing guitar, I think mine is in the lock-up.

Anyway, I thought having got most of my tasks done during the week would mean I could relax. But I am not good at relaxing and I am more likely to be overwhelmed with depression and bad memories if I try to slow down and not be working.

This morning I woke at 8am and did bacon and eggs.
I decided not to work today, I really needed a break, although again it meant I wasn't occupied and suffered distress, I suffered distress during the night too, so I don't feel great. I have had some 5HTP and I was already tired so I may go lie down and put some music on the iPad to soothe me and try to ease any distress, sleeping in the day usually makes me distressed but I am so tired.

I have been out, had a nice drive, watched the boats, and I have been watching the Tooth Fairy and doing music lessons.
I have worked out how to progress with music now, put the iPad on the music stand by the keyboard and work from the iPad. Sooperdooper.




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