An 'Apology from the Bishop of Winchester'! F*ck that for a joke!

Dear Spammer/Bishop Dakin,

I have received an incongruent and worrying email claiming to be from the Bishop of Winchester and enclosing an 'apology'.

Firstly, the Bishop of Winchester is a deceitful and arrogant man who does not apologize except for show. Secondly this apology, fake or 'real' warns me that the Bishop has or is going to attack or defame me, that is what his original 'apologies' were about, thirdly, an apology is not going to put this right. After the fake apologies that launched the attack on my life that has destroyed me over again, the use of the word 'apology' by the Church of England is a sick joke. They apologize profusely to most vulnerable groups while attacking them

Dakin, remember I took you to court in an effort to save my life? You are not allowed to release any material about me without my consent and agreement, especially not the defamatory whitewash Steel rubbish. Please take this as a re-iteration of my warnings to you and court action against you. You have not given 40 days notice for your whitewash nor discussed it's content, thus you will be facing arrest if you are or have released any lies about me or any MORE BREACHES OF THE DATA PROTECTION ACT! Do you understand me? You are to make a redaction and apology immediately if you have, and if not, do not because I will fight you until my heart fails me. You misrepresent God as something evil and I hate you for that.

You have sent me into traumatic distress at a crucial time, I have my end of year exams at the moment. You stupid stupid wicked man, resign, don't fake apologise, resign. An apology will never undo the damage that you have done, nothing will. 

Further to that, I do not see the email sent as genuine but as  a malicious spam. But if it was from you, I do not accept your apology, I think you are a wicked and deceitful and self-serving liar and I want you to apologize publicly through the press and media you harmed me with and I want you to resign and I want you to MAKE SURE EVERY WRONGDOER IN THE JERSEY AND WINCHESTER MATTER IS DEALT WITH. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND, 'APOLOGIZING'?! WHO THE HELL THOUGHT UP THIS LATEST STUNT?!?!??!?

Also the Bishop made a promise to pay for my accommodation, in 2013, he can send that to my Jersey email paypal, backdated from then until now, along with a million pounds compensation for the horrific defamation and psychological damage. AND HE CAN PUT RIGHT ALL THE HARM HE HAS DONE AND UNTIL THEN HIS APOLOGY IS NOT ACCEPTED, TRY AGAIN WHEN THE CRIMINALS HE SPONSORED TO DESTROY ME PUBLICLY HAVE FACED JUSTICE, EVERY LAST ONE AND THE BISHOP HIMSELF.

I CANNOT BEGIN TO EXPRESS MY FURY AT THIS.

THE BISHOP'S FAKE APOLOGY, WHICH I HAVE NOT OPENED AS IT IS HARASSMENT, IS NOT ACCEPTED AND IS SEEN AS ONLY AN EFFORT TO COUNTER MY RECENT CORRESPONDENCE WITH THE NATIONAL CHILD ABUSE INQUIRY, 10 DOWNING STREET, THE QUEEN AND OTHERS OVER THE CHURCH'S SHAMELESS BEHAVIOUR.

DAKIN, YOU ARE TO DESTROY THE STEEL REPORT AND ALL OTHER LYING WHITEWASHES, YOU ARE TO MAKE A LIST OF EACH AND EVERY PERSON I HAVE BEEN DEFAMED TO BY VIEWINGS OF THE STEEL REPORT AND YOU ARE TO PRESENT IT AT THE COURT WHEN I RETURN YOU TO COURT, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, YOU WICKED MAN? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!

RESIGN. THIS IS GOING TO BE PUBLISHED AND SENT TO EVERYONE WHO RECEIVED MY RECENT CORRESPONDENCE.

YOU WICKED MAN, DISRUPTING MY UNIVERSITY AGAIN, YOU WICKED WICKED MAN. I CURSE YOUR TENURE AT WOLVSLEY AND COMMAND IN JESUS NAME THAT YOU LEAVE!

it is very obvious from the massive increase in blog stats that you have or are attacking me through your whitewashes and I am going to take you to court and I am going to force you out of my home town before you KILL another vulnerable person. You have committed crimes and you are to pay for that. You were so eager to have me vilified as a vulnerable adult fighting back, and yet you abuse your power and break the law and get away with it. That is not just and it is not Christian. I do NOT accept your apology. RESIGN. AND BEFORE YOU DO, RECOMPENSE ME AND GIVE ME A VOICE IN THE PRESS AND MEDIA THAT YOU MANIPULATED AGAINST ME! 

(WHAT DOES LUTHER-PENDRAGON ADVISE NOW? A QUICK TRIP TO THE LODGE FOR AN EMERGENCY MEETING?)

Now lets see you do this 'apology' as publicly as your press attacks and lies, and lets see you do this apology with a redaction of the slurs on me in the same press and media and lets see you call an independent inquiry and a public annulment of the Steel report. 

If you can't, then your apology is another lie. 

Make sure I am contacted for a list of people I have a formal complaint against and make sure this time they are dealt with without fear or favour, too much to ask of from the Church of England so call an independent inquiry, you need to be investigated especially for perverting the course of justice, along with Fisher, who merits a lengthy prison sentence for her actions.

This email is CC the National Child abuse Inquiry, 10 Downing Street, Lambeth Palace and all other interested parties.

  

  

HG

Wednesday

Good morning peeps,

Well I dreamed I was homeless again and I was trying to buy clothes in Marks and Spencer but they wouldn't serve me because I was homeless but then they all started being really nice and helpful because someone I knew told them to and he was one of David Cameron's assistants.
In real life the person in question may be quite important but he is not David Cameron's assistant and I am sure that would make him laugh.

I got up this morning to the sound of heavy rain, pouring down. I went and did the papers.
Came home and had a message from the car's best friend with a quote for Florence's younger brother. The Car's best friend wants me to try to put Florence through her MOT but I don't think that would be cost effective, I have been looking through her MOT records and she has failed the last few before retaking and passing after her best friend did the work on her, she is very old now with rust that can't be repaired and she probably needs more work than she is worth.

Well anyway, I can't go gardening today due to the weather and I remain exhausted from the weekend. I go into energy deficit with long journeys and stress like that, relapse. So I am a bit useless.

Winchester, my heart, my home, my heritage

My trip to Winchester appears to have provoked massive leaps in blog stats, no idea why, I was there for North Walls last year without provoking much reaction at all.
I didn't go to Winch to interact with the church although it was funny to joke about them, I went because that is my home town and my memories of Winchester go back long past the evil of the Diocese of Winchester and their vain and arrogant middle class patrons. As you will see, I posted pictures of my dearest favourite walk from when I was a teenager.
My trip to Winchester has no meaning in context of the diocese of winchester, who are based in Alresford anyway, but it seems to have sparked a massive amount of blog views from that silly corporation.
And yes, those who don't recognise the photos of the Bishop drowning in his crypt, look them up on Photopol's Jersey toons blog. It was a joke.

Tuesday

Good morning peeps,

Well it is 3.45am, a time of day that shouldn't even exist. But I was having another unsettled night so I decided to get up rather than have flashbacks and terrors.

It is too warm, I have the window open and it is humid. We have more heavy rain and thunderstorms due today and so I was planning on another quiet day, I am still very tired from Saturday.

Yesterday was a quiet day, I gave the flat a good clean and tidy and worked on my end of term papers and my music.

I also spoke to the Car's Best Friend about Florence and about the car he has, Florence's younger brother, who he said I could have first refusal on when he sells. I am just waiting to hear if they will sell now and how much.

I fell asleep for a few hours yesterday and remained sleepy for the rest of the day. But it doesn't matter because I am getting my work and study done and the flat is clean.

I think this morning I will go down to the sea before doing the papers and later I will catch up on my sleep.

Monday - Liberation Day

Dear idiot from CofE, get off my blog.

Good morning peeps,

A grey start but it may well get better.

Yesterday was a quiet day, a quick car boot sale, some roast dinner, reading and music and films.
I had a bit of a disrupted night, half awake in terrors in the early hours, then too hot, I slept lightly the last few hours of the night but more comfortable and peaceful.
I woke up dreaming I was in a flood, I keep dreaming that but I don't know why and thankfully the bed isn't wet when I dream that.
Anyway, I have done the papers and I am staying here and writing and working on my revision, I am not going to celebrate liberation day because
when they liberated Jersey
they forgot about the States

I may go up to the cliffs if the weather allows.
To be honest I am still tired, so a quiet day of revision, music and flat cleaning and even some resting would be a good plan.

I see I had a visit from an old enemy on this blog yesterday, I wonder why? :):):)

Winchester MayFest

Labrador Sand Sculpture


Mayfest Morris Dancers and maypole dancers at the Cathedral






So many people enjoying the sunshine at Winchester

Winchester 2, my favourite place

My favourite place ever since I was a teenager. I used to walk the dog along here in the evenings.

Winchester 1, Florence's last long journey

We pretended to be tourists:

Look at the ruins of Wolvsely:



Oops, I meant the other ruins of Wolvsley!



We asked the Bishop if he wanted a coffee and a chat about his mental health, but he was a bit busy dealing with a plumbing crisis, a leak. (or as one church put it, 'we have a leek in the pipes so there is no mass today').



This is the Cathedral that Jack built, literally if you know your history. This is a the symbol of my home and heritage and love that the evil of the Diocese of Winchester can never ever take away. My relationship with my home town is still scarred and bleeding from the evil inflicted by Fisher and the Scott-Joynts, but it is still mine forever.


I parked Florence near Wolvsley and told her to fart a lot

Sunday

Good morning peeps,

Well I woke up from dreams about friends and pianos, which are both nice things to dream about, it was grey and drizzly when I got up at 6am, but it is turning into another hot day.
The papers were a bit late at the shop but not very late, so I did my round and came home thinking about how I have a day to do nothing in, that'll be the day! :)

I have a book called 'After Anna' to read and Hollyoaks will be on at 10am.

I haven't updated for a few days, mainly due to revision. So I must tell you about it.

On Friday I was revising well, my timetable of revision was working just fine, and by early evening I was ready to pop to the shop for something for supper and supplies for the journey in the morning before I consolidated my revision.
Unfortunately I witnessed a nasty road accident and I didn't get to the shop.
Flashbacks.
Thankfully my landlady was around to talk me out of the flashbacks. Interestingly the flashbacks seemed to be about the dead man the other year more than the accident I was in in 2009, but it was awful. Thankfully no one is dead this time and the person who suffered the injuries is recovering.

Anyway, the roads were closed and my neighbour would have been coming back from town, and I was worried that he can't walk far and the buses had been diverted away from us, so I went to meet him and found him leaning on a wall, looking a bit stunned. We leaned on walls and sat on walls and got home eventually.
But I couldn't revise, I was too shocked and unsettled and still hadn't got my supper.
When the roads opened, I walked round to the shop and got food and supplies.
I did my best to finish my revision as it was to be an early start in the morning.

Unfortunately the drama wasn't over for me, I picked up my glass of coke off the breakfast bar and the glass somehow just disintegrated, throwing coke over my precious beloved keyboard (music) and my toys on the sofa, grr. I wiped and drained the keyboard and I hope it will be OK, I will be devastated if not, and the toys are all going to need a wash :( I bet that will amuse my mates at the laundry.
But that wasn't the end of the disasters, one of the bay window curtains fell down :( Those curtains are big and high up and hard to put back, it isn't the first time I have put these curtains up, and I have trouble with raising my arms so it is excruciating trying to put these curtains up.

Anyway, so finally, having simply just done the best I could with revision, I went to bed.
I slept and I was dreaming about a baby when I was rudely awakened by the alarms just before 5am, I really didn't feel good about being up so early but never mind. I was OK after a cup of tea. I wonder if all these baby dreams are my hormones or whatever, a lot of childless women start having baby dreams don't they? Well I am not having children because I am too damaged and volatile, I will be a medical miracle and have a kitten instead.

Anyway, so I was up nice and early, everything ready, just a pity that Friday's final revision was so badly disrupted, because last minute revision is my secret weapon. By 6am I was off on the first leg of my journey, I had a break for breakfast at 8am, and then I got stuck in traffic!
I still got there in time but only just, and no time for last minute revising.
I took the exam, it was hard because of the shock of the previous day's road accident and the disrupted revision but I answered the questions.

Then I went on to have a nice day out after the exam.

I got home tired last night and I am still a bit tired.

Friday

Hey peeps,

People are asking where my daily posts are.
Hey, I am revising.

Here is a daily post for the last few days:

papers, revision, food, sunshine, work, the blue bike, the sea, more revision. Sleep :)

One last sleep until the exam.

And Florence is washed, oiled, tyre pressured, watered, windscreen washed. She is ready for tomorrow, her last long journey as far as I know. Each day gets closer to her last day and that makes me sad.
My neighbour saw me washing Florence and decided to wash his car, I never knew that people could copy what I do, and normally I wouldn't recommend it :) But in the case of a car, it is very gregarious and friendly to wash cars together.

Wednesday morning

Good morning peeps,

Life After the Diocese stats are higher than usual at the moment, is my exam revision interesting?
Three more sleeps to exam day.
And then is is assessment season until the end of the month.

Feeling sad at the moment but still revising.

It is another sunny day, and I will be heading for work in about an hour
In the meantime I am just revising again and watching Hollyoaks.
After work I will be revising, and I should wash Florence and do her oil and windscreen and tyres ready for Saturday.

We are doing happy song today instead of music box dancer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dodfOGOev0

Monday morning

Good morning,

Well I did revise all day yesterday, and it made me tired.
I have been through the whole syllabus.
I did have a bike ride along the sunny, breezy seafront, and that was nice.
And I did get some shopping and cook a roast dinner.

I went to bed early and slept.
I dreamed a lot, but the only dream I can remember is the one where there was a big fair down at the beach and there was so much food and goodies and it was a sunny day.

I woke up to a grey and rainy bank holiday, what bad luck for those with a day off.
Funny, isn't it? This bank holiday is the only rainy day, it has been sunny and it will be sunny, the weather for my gardening days this week are roasting hot.

I will be working on the upstairs flat from 10am, hopefully finishing it today. Obviously the weather means indoor work is ideal today, and the social group won't be having their outing to the seafront  in this weather and I don't count bank holidays as holidays so I will just get on with that flat.

I woke really late this morning, nearly 7am, wow how lazy. I must sort the alarms out. Thankfully the papers have no strict deadline like the rural routes used to.
And to make things worse, because my TV is on the old aerial it goes off when we have rain, so I can't watch Hollyoaks. I should sort out a freesat connection at some point. I mean I get all the freeview channels normally but when the weather is bad, the whole lot goes off, no TV.
It's a good thing I am not very addicted to TV, I like to watch a few things, I was watching Liar Liar yesterday as I revised :) Jim Carrey being an idiot.

Anyway, I am just going through a past exam paper with the marking scheme paper.

Wow, the neighbour's cat was just arguing with a crow on our front lawn, The crow was very angry and gathered some friends too, the cat looked a bit embarrassed. It is a pedigree, one of those leopard ones, and I told it that a crow was not an ideal sparring partner, it looked suitably embarrassed and chewed some grass.
I had better arm Bob the Kitten with CS gas and a truncheon when he arrives, he has some tough neighbours.
Bob PS192 Nortykitten.

Have a nice day, peeps.

Sunday

Good morning peeps,

Well yesterday I did a bit of work on the upstairs flat. I was brushing hair out of the carpet, a lot of hair, all you need is a stiff brush and just swirl it round and pull the hair out. Unfortunately the hoover is broken again so I couldn't hoover after that.

Then it was revision time, and I revised until I was falling asleep, and made good progress. Not long now, it makes me short of breath to think of the exam in less than a week, and the day out away from home! :) I am taking Florence with me, so I will be able to pootle around and have a real day out.

Last night I dreamed that there was a big protest at Winchester Cathedral.
Then I dreamed I had moved to the new flat, and I had got Bob the Kitten, and I called Bob and he came running, but then he turned into a fly and started buzzing round the kitchen. I hope he doesn't decide to do that in real life, it will be expensive enough supplying him with notebooks and police hats.
At the moment we have no kittens for sale in the district, but I shouldn't rush into finding Bob, I need to move and also get my exams done before I think about the kitten.
Interestingly the Bob the kitten in the dream wasn't pure black, he was black and white or grey and white. No way I can afford a grey cat, they are rare, expensive, usually with at least some blue blood. Kittens are more expensive these days anyway. I will have to ask that lady from when I was delivery driving in town, see if her cat has been busy reproducing again.

Anyway, this morning I had an extra round to do as well as mine, the boss wants me to put the phone on dashcam for my round so if that guy who run me off the road does anything more he will go round and have words. Sometimes some men just think lone women can be bullied, but in quiet lanes like ours there is no need whatsoever to force someone into a wall, none. Florence got off lightly with a scraped wing mirror but it shouldn't happen.

Anyway, it is a sunny day and due to be hot, so I went down to the sea after the papers. The sea is
calm and smooth, reflecting the sunlight and the cliffs.
I am due to revise all day but I will watch Hollyoaks while revising, and I will nip to the shop for cleaning stuff for the flat, I will also clean my flat briefly, and probably have a bike ride after lunch and maybe an ice cream.

Saturday

Good lunchtime peeps,

Well here I am all in a lunch mood. Turkey steak, lightly grilled.

Yesterday had some more unexpected turns.

I was working on the upstairs flat here, and my landlady was working on the downstairs flat, as she had a tenant due to move in on Sunday.

At lunchtime I came downstairs for lunch, and the electricity was about to be switched off so I scurried to cook my meal first.
The electric wasn't off for long.
But then my landlady tapped on the door and came in looking serious, which worried me.
But it turned out that the prospective tenant for the ground floor flat has backed out.
So my landlady has offered me first refusal.

She has left the flat open for me to view, measure up and check the tv point, the tv point works just fine.
And the place has a catflap.
If I had known what a nice flat it is, I would have taken it before, but because my landlady said she thought it was smaller, and I didn't view it last time, I decided that the move wasn't worth the hassle.
But looking at it now, it has old fashioned shelves and beams and fireplace, which is all good because I am not allowed to hang things on the walls in this more modern flat so my pictures are jostling for shelf space.

The flat downstairs has a smaller bathroom than this one which has a full size bathroom, but the one downstairs has a full,kitchen with plenty of cupboards and space for a table. And the kitchen has a full oven and a fridge freezer, at the moment I have no freezer and only a counter-top oven.
And as well as it's own entrance, the downstairs flat has it's own parking, although I am not sure how I am going to afford to replace Florence when her MOT runs out in 6 weeks or so.  She has scrambled through her last few MOTs, there is no way she will pass the next one.

Moving flats is a big step, even just from this flat to downstairs, but it seems that all the long term residents here started out upstairs and moved downstairs.
So, a week before the exam and my mind is on moving house, no way el-ray.

So, after work yesterday, I was tiredly trotting through revision until bed time.
Then I slept and dreamed peaceful comforting dreams.
I dreamed I was in a happy peaceful place, a bit like a big school, and there was so much food and everyone was content. I realised I was in paradise.
Then I dreamed, just as peacefully, that I was on my way to work and instead of going via the next town, I ended up going via Winchester, and I thought that was a bit of a diversion.

I woke up and went to do the papers.
I was surprised when I got to the shop. Because the ladies there had heard about me being nearly run into the wall by someone yesterday and they were quite cross about it, and they said the manager wanted to know if he should contact the police for me and if I wanted him to come out and make sure the aggressor was dealt with - the aggressor being a local who isn't very nice.
But I said it was all OK, I was just a bit rattled about it yesterday.

Anyway, I came home with time for breakfast and a shower before going out gardening.
But I got a bit diverted and ended up in a right rush in the end.

I got to the house I was working at, the client was out but they had left everything unlocked for me.
So I got on with my work in the peaceful sunshine.
Then I went and had a good music lesson.
Then I came home for lunch.
And in half and hour I will go and do a few more hours of work on the flat upstairs.

My neighbour collected my parcel off the postman for me while I was out, he is a very handy neighbour, I have several handy neighbours.
And before long I was have a kitten called Bob, which will wander around with a notebook and pen and ask who was at the scene at the time.

Kittens are little furry things with lots of paws all equipped with sharp needles. They have endless battery life and never run out of things to shred.

Friday

Morning peeps,

Papers done.

Well yesterday I met with this support worker, his fees were much higher than my friend had anticipated, and he is based in the town 8 miles away and is limited to what he can do, he suggested that I went through the council to get 'free support' but unfortunately I know that doesn't work.

 I tried several times to get the council's support but they lost the referral, lost the paperwork, didn't make contact and even when they do work out that they have a referral, the waiting list is months, they left my epileptic friend without support when he needed help restoring his ESA when it was unfairly removed, the DWP tried to declare him fit for work when he can have a major fit at any time and they are frequent. So the DWP and council failed him,

So that is a summary of how effective the DWP and council are in helping people, So there is no way I would try that again.
So, I have had a number of responses to my advert for support and one is a local independent support worker who may be able to help, so I will contact her today.

In the UK, systems are stretched to their limits and locally we are worse off than most, there is very little support for the vulnerable and it is decreasing. Our local NHS, social services and council are cutting services and the volunteer section is sparse and decreasing as well.

That reminds me of a troll on twitter last night trying to call me a liar over that, trolls are funny but it is frustrating when they try to tell you that you are a liar and that there is help available in your area.
This particular troll was remarkable because it was shouting about genocide and how the NHS had tried to kill it, and then telling me the NHS are great and that I have access to the NHS and help and how it used to be a volunteer in victim support and thus it knew I could access help, then it started ranting at me. I don't think victim support employs people like that.
Trolls are sparse these days because may be vulnerable enough to be led into their stupid insults but I can hold my own when they attack. Twitter is a circus though, you can be attacked when you feel vulnerable, but no-one on twitter has met you or knows your story so their attacks are irrelevant.

I had a troll one time calling me a crank, unprovoked, and then when I blocked them, they apparently wanted me to unblock them 'because they had made a mistake and thought I was someone else' or so I was told.
 Light entertainment, does anyone watch Angie Tribeca? Hilarious, dumb. I don't usually have the tv on that late.

On the good side, twitter was brilliant last night.  I slept better than I have for a long time.

Yesterday I had a study breakfast and realised how much revision I have to do! :)
My landlady wanted an invoice for the week's work on the flat, and she paid straight away, so that was good, I have already put my rent through for next month and arranged my travel to the exam next week.
In the afternoon I went and did a garden. And that was good. It was warm weather and I mowed and weeded and watered.

Then I came home with revision in mind but never got that far, I went to the shop, watched Hollyoaks and ended up talking to some people because of twitter posts and that was incredibly helpful.
My writing about Bob on the other blog also helped me, fractured as it is. Maybe it is more for me than for the general public.

This morning I woke up feeling better.
I went to do the papers, including the local papers, but some idiot tried to force me into a wall on the paper round, which was not nice.
I got my local paper and was home by 7.10am. I am just going to watch Hollyoaks and read the paper.

Today I need to get my music practice and then I am back to work on this flat clearing by 10.30.
Tomorrow I have a music lesson and probably some work as well.
On Sunday I think I had better revise all day. I am so busy that I am not getting all my material revised.

It is a cold and cloudy day.

God does his washing properly

Thursday

Good morning,

Well yesterday I had to stay at home and be quiet, which was frustrating, but loss of balance is no laughing matter, you can't mow lawns if you fall over.

It was a miserable day.

Last night I slept a lot and dreamed, I dreamed there was a cricket match and I felt I had to watch it on Bob's behalf if he couldn't watch it.
Then I dreamed that the laughing jeering archbishop of canterbury was at my adoptive parents house, spouting rubbish and lies and my adoptive parents couldn't understand why I was so angry, in the end the archbishop said that he thought I would like it if he dropped dead, and I said I would like that with all my heart.

I was glad to wake up, another sunny start, papers, Hollyoaks, depression, meeting a support worker later and gardening this afternoon.

Wednesday

Good morning peeps,

I had a restless night and woke more ill today. I am having balance problems today.
It looks like middle ear disorder or something. What rotten luck, there is no way I can do gardens today if I could fall and hurt myself.
I feel cold as well. I don't want to be sick, I have a lot of work to do, but I guess I stress about my work more than anyone else.
I have cancelled this morning's garden, and will cancel the other one later, I think rain will cancel the other one, that way I won't look like a sciver.
I feel useless being ill like this. I need the money I would have earned.

I guess I had better study if I am going to be home today.

Tuesday night

Good evening peeps,

I should be in bed. But I had a long sleep earlier when I was just sick of today and couldn't take any more.

I woke up this morning to do the papers, there was frost on the car but the sun was shining warmly.
Then it clouded over when I got home, and I ended up having the day off because I feel sh*tty, and I still am.
I did music, and went to the next town, but I was so fed up that I went to sleep for hours, and missed the snow.
It didn't settle.

This evening after Hollyoaks, in which James managed to pressure Harry into bed, I went to the Samaritans, not because of Hollyoaks but because I can't cope with what the Church of England and their associates have done to me and some days are worse than others.

The Samaritans was helpful, and then on the way home there was a thunderstorm with lightning flashing in the dark deserted wilderness between here and town. It had been rumbling and building up over the sea when I set out. But we have had most kinds of weather today, very strange, maybe God is in a similar mood to me.

The main headlines today have been the Junior Doctor's Strike and also the Hillsborough Disaster. I am so glad for the victims at this outcome. While I was homeless I met and became friendly with a person who had several family members caught up at Hillsborough, so although I am not in touch with her now, I can imagine she must be having an emotional time.

Today brought the news that I have passed my final assignment for this year's university. Onwards into the end of year assessments now.

Tuesday

Good morning,

And hello to a new reader from Jersey, and I am not talking about the Ashenden party. Gavin Ashenden Googles himself and has a roomful of mirrors, I would say he has combs and razors as well but he obviously doesn't.

Anyway, why spoil a sunny day by wasting blog space on a vicious narcissistic thug like Ashenden. It is a beautiful sunny day here and I have just done two paper rounds before Hollyoaks.

Yesterday when I finished work I was at a bit of a loss due to having no coursework to do and having already done exam revision and I was so tired, so I watched Hollyoaks and had an early night.

I dreamed a lot. I dreamed that I took Florence to the car boot sale and she broke down and I got a ticket for leaving her there, In the dream I was struggling with the dual-band phone and was ill so I couldn't ring the Car's Best Friend. It is funny because in real life I am having a slight problem with dual-band phone, both networks work, the problem is the sound, nothing else.

Anyway, I had another dream where my friend who died in January was alive, in the dream I was at her house and she was wearing her blue dressing gown which she always wore in the end, and she was smiling, but she didn't speak. I was so happy, as well as being confused and puzzled that she was alive, and I wanted to get a picture of us together, because there are no pictures of us and my adoptive mum never got to meet her.
The dream stayed like that and drifted. It was comforting.

Anyway, here I am, I will be back to this challenging flat clearing job later, I have chemical burns on my hands where I was scrubbing things with cleaning fluid and forgot to wear gloves. I can forget gloves when I am gardening but it isn't so clever when I am cleaning.

Anyway, another quiet day, some hard work, some music practice and not much else, I should go down to the beach but I am so tired in between work.

Update: My landlady said I can have a day off, which seems like a good idea as I am tired and have a lot of work this week, as well as meeting the support worker later this week.
Today I was supposed to have biopsy and splint but that has been cancelled.

Monday

Good morning peeps,

Well that is all the assignments done, it is now exam revision time.
I have my music exam in just under two weeks and then all the end of year University Assessments at the end of May.

I have to just put a revision timetable together, it is pretty simple.

Anyway, so yesterday I finished cleaning my flat and finished the assignment, watched some tv and went to bed, very boring.

This morning I woke early to a cold, breezy and cloudy day, did the papers, and was asked to cover an extra round for the next few days.

Today I will be working on this flat clearing job from 10.30, and not much else. But before that I can do some music practice and start the exam revision schedule and do my work diary, it is quite a busy week at work.

Sunday

Well done all Marathon Runners!

Good morning peeps,

Well it is Sunday, which happens about once a week usually.

Yesterday I had a very good music lesson and was surprised at how I had developed just teaching myself. So that was good. I also brought home some more music books and papers.
Then I enjoyed some time watching the Southampton races. Does anyone go from that to the Marathon?

I was tired when I got home, so I watched my 'Self/less' DVD, it still reminds me of me, starting a whole new life after the diocese of winchester took my life off me.

I fell asleep after that, and woke late this morning.
I did the papers and have been just being here, watching Hollyoaks, cleaning the flat, doing a roast dinner etc, just watching the Marathon now.

Today is a very quiet day, I will go down to the bay, get some groceries, finish the cleaning and do the assignment.

Saturday

Good morning peeps,

Well I think it was the dreams that woke me, sad dreams about the past and my old friends.
Also a really strange dream that I had a baby, in the dream the baby had been adopted or fostered and I wasn't interested and I was studying and then I realised that I needed to bring this baby up and look after it.
But the dream about the baby was mingled with sad dreams about my old friends and the community events we used to work on. Isn't is amazing that because they were all church people, the length or strength of the friendships didn't matter, all that mattered was what the diocese of Winchester told them and they all turned away?

Anyway, I don't dwell on that or even think about those shallow people who would behave like that, because I have to go on living, and if I let myself dwell on all the damage done to me, I wouldn't be able to go on living.

I am awake, and I woke at 4.30. It is 5.20 now.
Yesterday I worked very hard with the flat clearance job, and then in the evening I just watched tv and went to bed early.


The dreams were so sad, so sad, but in waking life I don't even waste thoughts on my old friends and community that Fisher ripped from me to cover up for the diocese's failures. Why should I waste time on shallow sheep brained Anglicans?

The seagulls are creaking outside my window, they need oiling, and there are ships sheltering in the bay with their nice bright lights.

Friday morning

Good morning peeps,

The shop has run out of tomato flatbread! That sucks! I want flatbread, but not so much with garlic.

I have done the papers, read my copy of the local paper, and now I am rained off gardening so I am going to start this flat clearing job, it is a big job and will take well into next week.

Yesterday I did some hearty jungle clearing as well. It was a nice day and I was working nearby so I biked to work.

And I am waiting for a meeting with the potential new support worker next week.

I have been thinking about getting a cat, my mum says I should, it may help with the depression. I mean chasing round after a little furry thing that shreds the house has got to be a distraction. Cats are norty, and they never run out of new nortyness.
I had to leave the old cat behind because he wasn't really mine, but I was worried in case he wouldn't be looked after when I went.

Thursday

Good morning peeps,

Not such a bright day but not raining, the sea is still lively.

I fell into bed and slept soundly last night but had such a bad dream that I was glad to wake up this morning and find it was a dream.

I am sitting in my clean bright flat, and I am all clean and bright too, just out of the shower, because it is a study morning so I am not at work this morning, I am working after lunch.
I am just running through music revision at the moment, then there is the assignment to get on with.

I am just waiting to hear about meeting with the support worker to see if he is suitable to help.

Wednesday

Good evening peeps,

I am typing. I have done my voice text tutorials but voice text doesn't want to play.

Yesterday I felt awful, I sat in the library trying to finish my assignment but my head was hot and I felt sick, so I got an extension and came home and had a sleep.

In the evening I went to the Samaritans.

You see, nortypeople run on nortyness, and when the norty runs out, nortypeople die. My nortytank ran out when Bob was taken ill, and the reserve nortytank has been way too low for too long.

The Samaritans are hit and miss, depending on who you get, and the lady I spoke to maybe wasn't the best, but she was good enough to help release some of the stress by listening, so I came home and went to sleep. Thanks Sams, keep up the good work.

This morning I was awake bright and early, having spat my mouth guard across the room in my sleep, still impossible but I still do it. I have a theory that I may be having mild fits in my sleep.

I opened the windows and I could hear the sea roaring as I snuggled in my duvet and waited for the kettle to boil while I did some emails.

I did the papers and came home, the gas men were gassing outside the house but when a police siren wailed past, they all jumped and uttered norty words. My landlady caught me laughing about that, and offered me a good clearance contract for one of the flats, I must laugh at the gas men more often.

Today I had a day off from most things. It feels very strange to have days off.

All day as I have been trotting around my tasks, the sea has been roaring and wavy, So this afternoon I got the blue bike and off we trotted to play beside the bay.

I didn't realise we had such a good ice cream concession on our beach, I tend to go to the one the other end that I have known for years.

Anyway, me and the blue bike stayed out and played in the sunshine with the roaring sea, the blue bike snorted and huffed and tried to eat people's hats.

We had an interesting encounter.

I stopped at a beach cafe for a drink and a sit in the sunshine, The man at the cafe looked familiar, and when he saw me he said 'Another one on a day off!' I was slightly puzzled, but as I sat and had my drink he came to talk to me, it turns out that he is a volunteer at one of the drop-in centres I used to attend in my early days off the streets, I rarely get there these days but have great respect and gratitude to them, and I told him so. It was nice to chat and tell him how I have progressed, they are all nice kind people and although I don't get there any more, I remember them.

When I came home, I had washing to collect from the laundry, My bath mats and towels and bath robe, everything has to be clean and dry in my flat so I don't get chest infections and asthma attacks.

I also got myself a new padlock for my new lockup store.

When my friend died, I didn't have her lockup store and tools any more, so now I have my own, I am all growed up.

Anyway, so I am here, tired from my type talk training, and watching Hollyoaks, poor Nathan, I wish people would realise what grief does to people.

Guess what? I will be having music lessons again soon if a trial lesson works out. I just love music, and I am kind of excited about my approaching exam, less than three weeks now.

I must say, I feel better this evening, I have been very very sick with depression and felt ill physically too, and the last few days a number of painful incidents have occured, all resolved, but this morning something someone wrote perfectly innocently triggered a spate of Jersey flashbacks, thankfully they are a very kind person and very patient, so when I growled, they helped me. It never rains, it pours, that is what neurotypical people say, but they are disabled so they say funny things like that, we have to make allowances.

I have to send a message to the person who will possibly be my support worker soon. I am nervous.

I am most worried about paying for support, my income is so low.

It's funny isn't it, I don't know how being on the streets and the trauma has changed my brain but it did, I can care for myself and my home and car, but I still can't do paperwork and phonecalls and deal with beauracricy and forms and authorities, so I need support.

Monday

Hey peeps,

I am typing without voicetype, yay.
I also haven't had breakfast, how norty. I told the whole street about it too.

Yesterday I deep-cleaned the flat while watching Hollyoaks omnibus.
Today I am in between tasks, I have work in about an hour but I should have breakfast.

I have my final assignment due in this week and then it is exam and assessment prep.

It is a glorious sunny day but I don't feel very good. Life is a bit overwhelming and I am awaiting news of support workers.

Hungry. I wonder what breakfast is? It used to be wholemeal toast.

Sunday

Good morning peeps,
well yesterday seeing as I was up so early I went down to the sea to watch the sunrise then I went to do the papers, after that I went to do some distribution work.

it was a nice morning very quiet and peaceful, I came back for a breakfast break and took my washing and my neighbours washing to the laundry, then I went back to do some more work.

I got back at lunchtime, collected the washing and went back to bed to catch up on the sleep I missed out on.
 I got up again at 4 o'clock cooked a meal and then went  to work.

work was quite busy so that was good, the evening went quickly and I was soon home and went back to bed, my dreams were slightly troubled and I was having flashbacks when I woke up,so I went to do the papers a bit late then finished the week's distribution work.
 Now I'm home waiting for the Hollyoaks  omnibus to start, it's a nice sunny day at least I feel a bit distressed but it doesn't matter, it's not the worst, I can just relax now until work this evening not that I ever relax.
I can clean the flat and do some paperwork as well as watching Hollyoaks and I can write some letters.
 I'm hoping to meet at least one possible support worker this week to see if they can help me I think that's it for now have a good day

Saturday

Good morning peeps,

I'm writing with voice recognition again it seems to be working better now, it's quarter past 4 in the morning and I've had another bad night so I'm awake trying to get on with paperwork and everything. I can't do my music practice or hoovering at this time of morning though.

I used to get up early a lot, up until I left Jersey, I was often up at 4 in the morning but it isn't good for me because there I get too tired during the day if I get up early.

Anyway I'm sitting here just trying to work out what to do I've put the boiler on for a hot shower and I'll do the papers at 6 o'clock.

I  wish there was a way out of this nightmare life where I have nightmares at night and flashbacks during the day and distress all the time.

 it's only a few weeks until my music exam and I have my final assignment due in for university next week.

Using voice recognition and trying to write letters this way is quite hard because although the voice recognition is quite good now it doesn't punctuate very well so I have to go through everything and paragraph and punctuate punctuate.

yesterday the rain affected my work but I went to assess  the new garden which I'm starting next week.

 today I've have yesterday and todays distribution work to catch up with.
I'm a bit worried about work and finances at the moment especially as I'm arranging a support worker for myself but I have to pay for that myself because I don't get a social services budget and I have very little money but the authorities have never really looked after me so if I want help I have to arrange it myself.

since Bob collapse and since my friends death and since the last smear attacked by the Jersey Deanery I have been struggling and it is time that I have Support even if I have to arrange it myself so wish me luck with that my income is so unstable and so load it paying for a therapist became impossible I'm paying for a support worker won't be easy.

Friday

Good morning peeps,

I am getting indignant pokes from Jersey for not updating.
Well nothing ominous, I have been ill but the main problem is that I can't type very well and I am struggling with type talk.
Nothing much going on, trudging through work and university, starting to revise for the music exam and the end of year exams, last assignment due in next week.

I had a dental checkup and it went well. Next one in 6 months.

Not much else to say, not even about the church and their propaganda rag who I am taking to court.

Good morning everyone this is my first Adventure in spoken word rather than writing my blog, I'm speaking to the computer unfortunately this isn't the voice recognition software that I was supposed to get to help with my disability but at least I'm online and trying to write the blog , I've had a very difficult few days and I'm hoping that to my mum will come over because I'm really struggling and Justin Welby being there Vain self centred arrogant idiot for the sake of press stunts isn't helping me.

I I'm watching good night Mr Tom which is one of my favourite favorites the flat looks like a bomb hit it ironically considering what I'm watching I'm going to watch Mister Tom I'm going to clean that and I'm going to collect my washing and my neighbours washing from the laundry and I'm going to go to work as normal this evening but I'm hoping to have a day off soon I am having a very rough time and I'm just really struggling with depression and flashbacks in Derby Archbishop being an a****** I like the way this voice recognition kind of blocks out swear words that's brilliant I've got the dentist on Monday I'm behind on my distribution work because I'm struggling so I'll be catching up on that tomorrow after Hollyoaks hopefully back on track next week I've got some gardening done this week and the rest is going to be done next week um I've been doing the papers was normal of course having to see Justin Welby being a complete a****** on the front page of the Telegraph was very distressing for me there isn't much to say at the moment that I'm struggling I am here and try and put the punctuation into the rest of this for the rest of the blog the voice recognition is quite good but not perfect anyway it saves me struggling to cope when I can't.
Thanks

Thursday

Good lunch time, peeps,

Well my computer is an evil monster. It likes to wait for an assignment deadline before freezing, crashing and deleting work that isn't backed up.
 However, the assignment is in. And I should go do some work now.
The blog stats are high which worries me, but presumably tax haven is a hot topic.
Hollyoaks is dramatic with Lindsey being exposed as the killer. 

Wednesday

Good morning peeps,

I think concentrating on this assignment is making me ill, I keep getting tense and headachy.

Yesterday I continued to battle the assignment and then went to work.
Work was kind of medium busy but I could barely concentrate on study in between deliveries.

I came home and fell into bed tired.

But I had a rough night, dunno why, I kind of think it was  because the neighbours upstairs had some booze and dope, they do sometimes and they aren't fearfully loud and the sound-proofing is good so they don't keep me awake, but I think what happened was that the noise got magnified in my sleep and became overwhelming and turned into nightmares.

So I woke this morning feeling rather rough and fed up, I was aching so I took some painkillers, and then I did the papers.

I came home to a dramatic Hollyoaks episode, and now it is raining so I won't get any gardening done until later in the week.

Tuesday

Bonjour tout le monde,

I am broadcasting live from Jersey's panama hat,
Please be careful about the tides round Corbiere, Jersey's tides are swift and merciless, I once nearly got caught at Grev d' Lecq when I was playing on the rocks:) and the wrong tide times being broadcast by a newspaper which supports wrong things in Jersey didn't help.
I sound very controversial and rude today.

Well anyway, yesterday I was tense and headachy and I did some distribution and took my textbooks and sat on the cliff top and studied, but the bright sunshine made the tension and headache worse.
When I got home my neighbour asked what I was doing, and I said more study before work, and he said no way, he told me to go and rest until work otherwise I would be ill, I did as I was told, apart from writing a short rant on the other blog due to being vaguely egged on.
And I went to work feeling more relaxed.
Work started busy but with local regular deliveries, and then it grew quiet so I worked my way through half a textbook. 
I came home and slept well but dreamed a sad repeat dream about someone I used to know.
I woke and did the papers and have been busy  studying and doing paperwork and doing music.

It is a sunshine day but a little chilly. I am just working on assignments today, one due in on Thursday. My gardening week starts tomorrow.

Monday

Good morning peeps,

Well it is the start of the university summer term.

I have plenty of studying to do with one of the last two assignments due in this week.
At lunch I will go and do some work and this evening I will work.

Yesterday was a nice quiet day to recover from the Opera.
In the afternoon I borrowed my neighbour's step-ladder and changed the light-bulb and the light-shade.
I was so pleased with my capability that I went to return the ladder and forgot my keys. I locked myself out of the block!
Haha, my other neighbour got a good laugh out of that when he let me in.

In the evening work was busy but I still got to study one of next year's text books during my break.

I slept well, and did the papers nice and early this morning before plunging back into study and everything.

Has anyone got a spare copy of the score for Mozart's Piano Concerto in C minor? The ones on Amazon are not very good and I do not want to use a German one, not that I am racist.

Sunday

Good morning peeps,

Well my haircut is excellent and very belated.
But I don't like Opera.

We went out for a meal and then to the Opera.
I think Opera is for Church of England people, it seems to be about their level, it takes an Opera about 4 hours to tell a story badly, and the place was packed with pedantic obstructive fat old people who looked like Anglicans. I much prefer ballet. Ballet has speed, grace, rhythm and skill, Opera doesn't. So apart from seeing men hitting high C's it isn't all it is cracked up to be.

The Opera was Madama Butterfly, but it was not well performed, is that the MET? I am not impressed. I am new to Opera but I have no further interest in it, but basically the story is of an American Captain who marries a 15 year old girl in Japan and deserts her, leaving her with a young son.
Unfortunately casting a big ugly middle-aged Liuthuanian woman as an innocent young Japanese Girl didn't really work, I couldn't make my imagination bend that far, and both she and the Captain were unkempt, in Ballet, grooming and costume has to be perfect, but presumably not for Opera, the Captain, who was some other Nationality and not in any way imaginable as American, was greasy with messy hair, it was dreadful. The Consul and Suzuki were both more realistic and better groomed, and they were the better actors. I dislike puppets normally, but the puppetry with the little boy was very good, apart from at one point you could see the face and beard of one of the spirit puppeteers when his veil moved, and you could see the face of one of the others too clearly. And the little boy was way too big for a three year old.

Concluding, Opera takes four hours of faffing about to get the point of the story, but in this day and age it is known that a good film averages 90 minutes otherwise it is a drag. So Opera is from before the days of good films. I gather that it is the music and singing that are the attraction, but to be honest, I was bored. I know I wanted to see the music and singing ranges but I was bored.

My mate seemed to think Madama Butterfly would have me in tears, bored to tears more like. I think I have to wait until I am a fat old Anglican to enjoy rubbish Opera. And thankfully I never will be one of those. I will stick to ballet, drooling over the principle of the Royal Ballet and Tristan in the latest release of Swan Lake :):):) that reminds me, I have not recorded any nortyness on this blog for months and I am told it is missed.

I haven't felt very mizjeevous, I have been deeply depressed, so I can't think of any nortyness.
However I am going full steam ahead with my music again now.

 Anyway, today I did the papers, a bit late because waking up was hard. And now, as usual I am watching the Hollyoaks Omnibus, I have missed some Hollyoaks this week because of work and walk and other things and haven't caught up on line so I am seeing the full week's story now, the episode where Rachel is killed is about to start.
Today is quiet for me until work, basically study and music, maybe a full roast dinner and a quick look at the sea, although it has gone from a sunny morning to a grey cold day.

Saturday

Good morning peeps,

Yesterday was a bit of a non-day. I did some music and had a sleep to make up for getting up at 4am.
I had a drive around in the car, and then went to work.
Work was surprisingly quiet in my department though not in others.
I was home early,  and I slept restlessly but I slept.

I went and did the papers this morning, then I had a drive along the seafront down the road, the tide was in and the sun was shining and it still is.
It is quite nice sitting here with the flat full of light and fresh air, I am watching Mel and Joey on E4.

Today I have a haircut at lunchtime, and I am hoping my landlady will come round and help me with a few things to do with the flat.
Then this afternoon/evening I am going out for a meal and to the Opera with my mate, we are seeing Madama Butterfly with the National Theatre Live. We usually see Ballet, and I like Ballet, but I haven't been to the Opera before, so I am interested, especially in the music side of course.
It's nice to have an evening off work too. Next week I resume all work as well as university after the break. 

Thanks to Jersey sending me Columbo stuff, I was able to trace this bit of music that I haven't heard since I was 12, I am quite pleased that it is exactly as I remember it, I just remember Columbo moving the figure on the battle-field and then this music:
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADrVhj8UjBo

I hear that Ashenden is shooting his mouth off again, he should go get a job, and in this day and age the Church of England should know what safeguarding is and stop his damaging and Unchristian behaviour, he is like a lunatic who uses the church as an excuse for his lunacy.

Friday

Good morning peeps,

It is all quiet at the moment, but I couldn't sleep.
I don't often get a week off the papers and an opportunity for a lie-in, so not being able to use that opportunity is so unfair.

I woke at 4am and couldn't sleep and if I lay in bed I would have flashbacks, so I had to get up.

I have been down to the sea. In the dark the almost half-moon was lighting the water, and the stars were out in a cold clear sky. The car had frost on it.

I have had several rounds of toast and too much tea and not done much. The flat is all clean and tidy after the massive spring clean.

Last night work was quiet and I was working with my practice exam papers but I couldn't concentrate.

My leg hurts and aches, I wonder if I will ever be able to afford treatment for it, seeing as the NHS are failing me as they always have.