Wednesday

Good evening peeps,

I am typing. I have done my voice text tutorials but voice text doesn't want to play.

Yesterday I felt awful, I sat in the library trying to finish my assignment but my head was hot and I felt sick, so I got an extension and came home and had a sleep.

In the evening I went to the Samaritans.

You see, nortypeople run on nortyness, and when the norty runs out, nortypeople die. My nortytank ran out when Bob was taken ill, and the reserve nortytank has been way too low for too long.

The Samaritans are hit and miss, depending on who you get, and the lady I spoke to maybe wasn't the best, but she was good enough to help release some of the stress by listening, so I came home and went to sleep. Thanks Sams, keep up the good work.

This morning I was awake bright and early, having spat my mouth guard across the room in my sleep, still impossible but I still do it. I have a theory that I may be having mild fits in my sleep.

I opened the windows and I could hear the sea roaring as I snuggled in my duvet and waited for the kettle to boil while I did some emails.

I did the papers and came home, the gas men were gassing outside the house but when a police siren wailed past, they all jumped and uttered norty words. My landlady caught me laughing about that, and offered me a good clearance contract for one of the flats, I must laugh at the gas men more often.

Today I had a day off from most things. It feels very strange to have days off.

All day as I have been trotting around my tasks, the sea has been roaring and wavy, So this afternoon I got the blue bike and off we trotted to play beside the bay.

I didn't realise we had such a good ice cream concession on our beach, I tend to go to the one the other end that I have known for years.

Anyway, me and the blue bike stayed out and played in the sunshine with the roaring sea, the blue bike snorted and huffed and tried to eat people's hats.

We had an interesting encounter.

I stopped at a beach cafe for a drink and a sit in the sunshine, The man at the cafe looked familiar, and when he saw me he said 'Another one on a day off!' I was slightly puzzled, but as I sat and had my drink he came to talk to me, it turns out that he is a volunteer at one of the drop-in centres I used to attend in my early days off the streets, I rarely get there these days but have great respect and gratitude to them, and I told him so. It was nice to chat and tell him how I have progressed, they are all nice kind people and although I don't get there any more, I remember them.

When I came home, I had washing to collect from the laundry, My bath mats and towels and bath robe, everything has to be clean and dry in my flat so I don't get chest infections and asthma attacks.

I also got myself a new padlock for my new lockup store.

When my friend died, I didn't have her lockup store and tools any more, so now I have my own, I am all growed up.

Anyway, so I am here, tired from my type talk training, and watching Hollyoaks, poor Nathan, I wish people would realise what grief does to people.

Guess what? I will be having music lessons again soon if a trial lesson works out. I just love music, and I am kind of excited about my approaching exam, less than three weeks now.

I must say, I feel better this evening, I have been very very sick with depression and felt ill physically too, and the last few days a number of painful incidents have occured, all resolved, but this morning something someone wrote perfectly innocently triggered a spate of Jersey flashbacks, thankfully they are a very kind person and very patient, so when I growled, they helped me. It never rains, it pours, that is what neurotypical people say, but they are disabled so they say funny things like that, we have to make allowances.

I have to send a message to the person who will possibly be my support worker soon. I am nervous.

I am most worried about paying for support, my income is so low.

It's funny isn't it, I don't know how being on the streets and the trauma has changed my brain but it did, I can care for myself and my home and car, but I still can't do paperwork and phonecalls and deal with beauracricy and forms and authorities, so I need support.