Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Saturday, 24 March 2012

goodmorning bloggypeeps,

I went to the course last night, and it was ok, the assistant priest was leading it so it didn't go on as late as last week.

Afterwards I went to get a tea from McD's but they were closed due to a fault.
There s nowhere else that I know of like McD's for a late night tea, and my legs were so tired from trying to play football, I walked around trying to find my tea, I didn't want to brew coffee. Eventually I found a takeaway that did reasonable tea.
A mist was setting in and I stumbled weary back to my sleeping place.

I tucked down, the night was mild and my clean sleeping bag was warm, I slept and only woke when my alarm persitantly grumbled because I was ignorng it, I reassured it that I had heard it and I lay there snug on the ground in my bedding, there was thick mist and ragged raindrops again, this town specialises in this weather.
No one would see me through the mist and it is saturday so I felt lazy, stayed in bed until 7am.

Got up to avoid the terrors and memories that started setting in, stashed and sorted and moved out by 7.10am, off to the bus station for a cuppa, the mist is really thick, and here I am in McD's.

Last night I dreamed I was on a train, I got off at the wrong stop, my friend who I had fallen out with was there, she was talking to me, denying her side of things and her face was turning darker and darker until she was black, then I was alone in a town, there was a big fuss about racism going on and I was puzzled, lots of black people were around and I was reminded of my ex-sister in law and her children, a black woman with several children was walking along and ranting about racism,her children were playing on a wall, the bigger child jumped off and the younger one tried to follow and he fell and hurt herself, I was too far away and I shouted to the woman that her child had fallen and hurt himself but she didn't seem to take it in.
I have no idea what this dream meant.

Tag was a bit high yesterday, he was telling one of the others that I am a grand girl who cares for others and that I am a diamond, I wondered what he was talking about, I am not really doing much to help anyone these days, I thought about it and I can only think he was talking about me giving my sandwich  to an immigrant who turned up late and starving.
Tag was going on about how great he was in goal and how good he would be at football yesterday, but the drugs were obviously affecting him, he kept falling over and letting balls into the goal, he also sat next to me in the bus on the way back and sitting next to a hyper addict is not comfortable, especially not for me because I do not like anyone too close or that restless, it was very uncomfortable.

When I tried to play football my legs would not let me run and impact when I kicked the ball was agony.

The worst thing about rough sleeping sometimes is trying to get up, when you live indoors and get out of bed you climb out of bed and put your feet on the floor, I have to get up off the ground onto legs that can't unfold and take my weight, it is not fun.

 I have stopped being sick, but my stomach is still unhappy.

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