Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Monday, 26 March 2012

Good morning bloggypeople.
I haven't had much computer access since saturday afternoon.

On Saturday when the library closed I went to soup kitchen, as it is early at the weekend. On the way I met one of my fellow football players and he walked with me.
I don't like this soup kitchen, but they do hot food. It was chicken curry and couscous, which was very nice.

The big guy who was calling me a bitch and a slag the other week came along and my football pal said that he was his friend, I asked how come his friend was calling me names the other week, and he said that that is his friend being nice, the big guy came over and he immediately started going on about me insulting him, I said that he started it by calling me names, he started calling me names again, including 'four eyes' because I was wearing my glasses, I told him I knew council house trash couldn't count, he said 'are you saying I can't count?!' and I laughed and went to get a cup of tea, he came back over when I had got my tea and he started calling me racist,
I asked who I was being racist to, he said I was being racist to him, I replied that we were both pink and blotchy and very english and so I couldn't be being racist.
He muttered something but I couldn't hear him so I did the deaf sign and said pardon, he said 'are you calling me a Paki?' I said no and asked him to repeat what he said, he said 'how was your week?' I replied that it had been ok and I asked how his week had been. He said it was ok, and we both agreed that we didn't understand our fellow homeless at all, we parted company grinning.

I wonder if you can follow that at all? Life on the streets is bizarre and so are street people.

I didn't bother with much food from soup kitchen because I felt ill, but the soup kitchen people gave me a new pillow, a patchwork blanket and a spare emergency blanket.

I went to vigil mass, and was lucky to get a seat, good.
After vigil mass I put my clock forward because I was tired, and I went to McD's for the last tea of the day.
Then I went and bedded down warm and snug, slept. Had terrors in the night about the church.
Woke up to another misty wet morning, sleepy because of the clocks changing.
Got up and staggered to McD's for tea and porrige, read the paper intelligently, tried to persuade myself to go to early mass, couldn't because flashbacks were overwhelming me, my church secretary friend saw me and invited me for a coffee in his church, and I stayed for a while and chatted to my church secretary friend, then I was off to another church, but I was a bit late and I didn't dare to come in, so I sat and annoyed a squirrel and some birds.

Went in after church and had some tea, talked to some people, went back to my church, sat and read, my friend came in and was talking about me needing new boots.
Had to deal with a stupid beggar who seems to forget that he cannot beg off me, I told him to go to soup kitchen, I went to soup kitchen, my new friend, who I will call 'cap' was there and he talked to me, there was a drunk guy at soup kitchen and he kept falling over, cap was scornful, even though cap does drugs, the soup kitchen ladies asked the drunk guy what he fancied and he said he fancied one of them.

I had some tea and sandwiches and snacks but I don't feel well, so I saved my spare food.
Very upset stomach.
Eventually it is time for evening church, I hate the way the weekend days drag and I have to walk too much to keep occupied.

I was tired and I didn't really enjoy evening church.
I was getting overwhelmed and tearful, bad memories and the way I was made completely to blame by the church is getting too much for me, I know I won't be able to cope.
I phoned my church secretary friend as he had said that he and his wife would help me out if things ever got too much for me.
And they did help me out, they had me to stay overnight and I felt much better for being in human company, a lot of the time I need my space and outdoors and solitude, but there are times when the solitude is lethal, and yesterday was one of those times.

I am here at my friends' house, both of them have gone to work and I am using the computer, with permission, and I am off to the daycentre in a minute.
I still have a very unhappy belly, it is heavy and painful. I am not pregnant, no, I just need a new digestive system.
It is another foggy morning, but it is clearing.

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