Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Friday, 25 September 2015

Jersey, St. Clements Bay

The darkness is eternal
and the cold is unrelenting

It is so cold 
that the sea is frozen

I walk on the frozen beach
and there is ice on green island and the rocks

I can see the cardinal markers
I can see the lights on the French Coast

I walk in the dark
and I remember I died here

I can't stop walking
further from the light

my home on the great ship bay
is always in sunlight and joy

but the frost and cold are in my heart
drawing me to where I fell

I try to count the years since my death
and try to turn back towards the light

I died here, and the cold and dark call me
the frost in my heart makes the light and joy of my home unreal

Can't I bring my soul home, to the great ship bay
and rest with the warmth and joy in my heart?

Until my destroyers release me, I am trapped here
fallen on the frozen bay and waiting

The sea beats on the wall, the night goes on,
I go on waiting

and I know you wait too
you can't release me from this so you wait too

there is no happy ending, we know that
because death happened there

so we wait, I look out on the midnight sea
and you stand in the shadows

you are the lantern-bearer, guiding light
you stand in the shadows and they never see your face





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